TNA Lazarush - 2/18/04

From TheSmartMarks.com

TNA
TNA Lazarush - 2/18/04
By Corey Lazarus
Feb 19, 2004, 22:59

IT'S TRUE! I SEEN IT!

Welcome, y'all, to another TNA Lazarush. The past week hasn't been too shabby at all for the L-A-Z. On Valentine's Day, my girlfriend came over, and we made lemon pepper chicken (that turned out great, which is surprising since I can't cook for chave), garlic mashed potatoes, and I bought a lemon meringue pie for dessert. After dinner, we watched Freddy Vs. Jason (and if you're one of the three people that hasn't seen this masterpiece of slasher films yet, I pity you; it really is magnificent and incredibly entertaining on an Evil Dead II level, and if you know me then you know that's a HUGE compliment), which she loved (she's not a horror movie fan at ALL), and then watched about half of Howard Stern's Private Parts before her dad picked her up. 'Twas a very good day.

LAST WEEK...

Technical difficulties throughout the night made very many TNA fans (those who ordered the first showing and NOT the replay, as I hear the replay was fine) pissed off.
Juventud Guerrera defeated Chris Sabin in their Super X-Cup rematch.
Hector Garza defeated Sonjay Dutt, putting Team AAA in the lead at 2-0.
Jerry Lynn defeated Mr. Aguila, the latter of the two whose bunghole was visible thanks to his aversion to REAL PANTS.
Abismo Negro defeated Elix Skipper.
The team of Juventud Guerrera and Abismo Negro defeated Jerry Lynn and Sonjay Dutt, putting Team AAA in the lead with 5-1.
Chris Sabin and Elix Skipper upped the Team TNA score by defeating Hector Garza and Abismo Negro, making the score 5-3 in favor of AAA.
Juventud Guerrera defeated Jerry Lynn in the final bout of the 8-Man Elimination with the 911 Juvi Driver (Wrist-Clutch Ki Krusher, ie. Wrist-Clutch {like a pumphandle, with the arm between the legs} Fisherman's Michinoku Driver II) after every other man was eliminated, giving Team AAA the win with a score of 13-9, thus taking the America's X-Cup back to Mexico.
Jeff Jarrett was on the show, WHICH HE HAD NO REASON TO BE. He suspected Mike Tenay of knowing who the new NWA Director Of Authority would be, but Tenay denied knowing. This caused Jarrett to fire Tenay.

TONIGHT...

Ron "The Truth" Killings takes on Michael Shane of The New Franchise in a match requested by Killings to avenge 3 Live Kru's loss of the NWA World Tag Team titles to Redshirt Security (Legend and Northcutt) three weeks ago. The New Franchise interfered in the match, allowing the Redshirts to win.
Team TNA take on four indy workers in an X-Division 8-Man (not known if it will be one-fall or elimination). Wait...isn't Jerry Lynn supposed to have been fired for not winning America's X-Cup?!
Abyss and AJ Styles square off to decide who will walk away with the NWA World Tag Team titles. Yes, a SINGLES match decides who will be the TAG TEAM champion(s). No, TNA isn't WCW at all!
The new NWA Director Of Authority is revealed.
Dustin Rhodes (formerly Goldust) and El Leon (formerly Apolo) take on Redshirt Security.
Terry Funk called in a certain someone named RAVEN to take out The Gathering.
Jeff Jarrett will probably still bore me to death.

Hey, look! A new FBI warning! W00T W00T! AJ Styles is now here to tell us how piracy is bad (right, Mike?). Okay, AJ. Half of the North American scene of wrestling fans wouldn't know who the hell you were if not for Ring Of Honor, which is owned and operated by Rob Feinstein, whose company, RFVideo, is known for pirating various wrestling events and porno's. GO, RF, GO! Heehee. Oh, right, the show. Recap of the last two weeks (basically, just sucking the proverbial wang of Jeff Jarrett), and a quick-and-dirty version of America's X-Cup (which has been the single best TNA since September 3rd, 2003, which was the date of the Super X-Cup). On to the intro video, AND I HATE THIS "UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT" CRAP! Jeff Jarrett is NOT so good a worker, so good a mic man, or so over that he deserves to pushed down our throats. But hey, he runs the place, so what do you expect? I see four X-Division workers already in the ring, so let's get to our first match!

MATCH ONE: Jerry Lynn, Chris Sabin (X-Division champion), Elix Skipper, and Sonjay Dutt vs. Shark Boy, Jimmy Rave, Roderick Strong, and Jason Cross
THE ACTION: There's the bell, and it's Elix Skipper and Jason Cross to start. They circle, and tie up. Cross with a rear waistlock, and Elix reverses it into a full-nelson. Cross fights out of it and goes for a rear waistlock, but gets snapmared down by Skipper. Elix off the ropes, and Cross connects with a basement dropkick. Cross off the ropes, and he hits a somersault Tomikaze (Christian's Unprettier, named the Tomikaze by the move's originator, Tommy Rich {I think, although I DEFINITELY could have the last name screwed up}). Cross off the ropes, and a somersault legdrop connects for 2. Elix bridges out Matrix-style, and pulls Cross in with a short-arm legsweep. Cobra Clutch, and then a short-arm clothesline on Cross gets 2. Tag in to Jerry Lynn, and Lynn with a full-arm dragon twist and then a headlock. Cross shoots Jerry off the ropes, but a shoulderblock knocks him down, and Lynn is holding his left shoulder (due to the stinger he received from the 911 Juvi Driver). Cross with a full-arm dragon twist, and he puts the elbows to Lynn's shoulder. Tag in to Shark Boy, and Cross extends Jerry's arm as Sharky comes off with an elbow to the shoulder.
Sharky with a standing armbar, and then a standing Fujiwara. Full-arm dragon twist, and Lynn connects with elbows before going for a whip...but his arm hurts too much to do it. Jerry leapfrogs a charging Sharky, but Shark Boy bites Jerry's ass. Jerry complains to the ref, and bites the ref's ass. No, pro wrestling isn't homoerotic at ALL. Shark Boy with a full-arm dragon twist, and then a single-arm DDT for 2. "That doesn't just separate the shoulder, it divorces it." Scott Hudson, you're a tool. Tag to Jimmy Rave, who locks on a full-arm dragon twist (I'm liking the psychology of attacking Lynn's injured shoulder), but Lynn clotheslines Rave down and makes a quick tag to Sabin.
Sabin comes in with a knife-edge chop, and then a whip to the corner. He charges, but Rave gets the boot up. Sabin catches, and goes to kick Rave. Rave catches Sabin's foot, and tosses Sabin away. Chris Sabin backflips out of it, lands on his feet, and then hits a SWEET 'rana. Rave up, and Sabin charges, but Raven hits a head-and-arm backbreaker (basically, a Rock Bottom onto his knee), and then a Russian Legsweep, locking on a grounded Octopus Stretch. Rave turns it into a crucifix for the 1, and Sabin lifts Rave into an inverted fireman's carry, hitting a backbreaker out of it. Tag to Sonjay Dutt, who comes in and Sabin lifts him for a powerbomb, only to have Sonjay backflip out of it and hit a moonsault onto Jimmy Rave for 2.
Tag to Roderick Strong, and they run the ropes. Dutt down with a shoulderblock, leapfrogs Roderick, and then hits a headscissors. In the corner, and Sonjay charges, but gets backdropped onto the apron. Roderick gets kicked in the head, and then Sonjay goes for a shoulderblock through the ropes, but gets a knee to the head instead. Strong locks on a double-underhook, Sonjay's legs drapped across the middle rope, and connects with a double-underhook backbreaker. He covers, and gets 2. Whip to the ropes, and Sonjay ducks a lariat. Roderick goes for a pancake press, but Sonjay turns it into a wheelbarrow armdrag, but Roderick cartwheels to his feet. Sonjay cradles him up for 2. Roderick reverses it into an inside cradle, and then both men stare each other down.
Cross and Lynn in, and they trade rights. Roderick and Sonjay never actually tagged out, I guess, and they whip their respective opponents (Sonjay whips Cross, Roderick whips Lynn) Cross reverses the whip and gets backdropped over the top as Lynn eats a dropkick to send him out of the ring. Roderick flies with a running somersault plancha to Lynn, and Sonjay does the same to Cross. In comes Rave, ready to take flight, but he eats a springboard missile dropkick from Sabin. HAIL SABIN! Seriously, Sabin's been ON this year so far. Sharky in, and he waits in the corner as Sabin charges. Sharky with a boot up, and then he goes to the middle rope, hitting the Deap Sea Drop (Diamond Dust). Elix comes in, and Sharky charges, but gets caught with a tilt-a-whirl Rock Bottom. Rod Strong (as Scott Hudson calls him) comes back in, and he lifts Skipper up for an over-the-shoulder powerbomb...BUT TURNS IT INTO A DIAMOND CUTTER! Dude, I haven't seen that move since DDP took on Eddie Guerrero in 1998 when DDP was the WCW US Heavyweight champion on WCW Saturday Night. Dutt goes up top, and Rod EATS a Dragonrana (HOLY CHAVE!) for 1 as Rave breaks it up. Rave whips Sonjay into the ropes, but Dutt goes for a sunset flip. Jimmy rolls through, and hits a Shining Wizard before covering (Which Hudson mistakenly calls a DROPKICK. Sorry, Scott, that was a KNEE, not a foot, and thus could not be a kick.). Sabin breaks it up before the count can even be administered, and hits Rave with forearms before a whip to the ropes gets reversed. Sabin ducks a lariat as Lynn trips up Rave, and Sabin goes AIR SABIN to the outside onto (I think) Strong and Sharky. Rave brings Jerry into the ring, and puts the boots to him. Up to his feet, and Rave with a whip, but Jerry reverses it into a fireman's carry...TKO! Jerry grabs his shoulder, which is still hurting (good selling, Jerry), and Jason Cross comes in with a brainbuster for 2.
Cross is UBER-FRUSTRATED~!, so he brings Jerry towards the corner. Cross lifts Jerry up for a suplex, but Jerry floats over. Lynn lifts him for the Cradle Piledriver, but his shoulder is still baka'd so he can't lift him. EXCELLENT selling by Lynn. Cross with a knockdown, and then he drags Lynn into the corner, and signals for the Crossfire (Shooting Star Legdrop). Cross goes up top, but Jerry gets to his feet and crotches him on the top rope. Jerry shoves Cross down into an inverted tree of woe, and locks on an inverted rear waistlock, lifting Cross up and walking backwards into the middle of the ring. BAM! Cradle Piledriver by Lynn, and there's the win at 7:14.
THE WINNERS: Jerry Lynn, Chris Sabin, Elix Skipper, and Sonjay Dutt
POST-MATCH: Jarrett and his posse come into the ring, and Jarrett goes El Kabong to Lynn. Jeff grabs the mic, says Lynn is fired because he lost the America's X-Cup, and I'm not caring. Team TNA tries to get Lynn out of the ring, and finally succeed as Jerry says Elix Skipper is the new Team TNA captain.
RATING: **1/2. Nice, hot little opener. Roderick Strong really impressed me in this match, and I'd like to see more of him in TNA. Jimmy Rave, I hear, works more of a mat-based technical style (which he did VERY well at the RoH show on 11/29 against CM Punk, so I'm willing to believe it), and wasn't too impressive in this match. Sabin kicked all sorts of ass, Dutt and Shark Boy and Skipper were just kinda "there," and Lynn was his usual awesome self.

While Jarrett's posse is still in the ring, JJJ says that there will be NO new Director Of Authority, as Callis and Stenenbaum (Tenenbaum? They change it every other week, it seems) took care of it. Jarrett says Harris wanted to step up, so tonight it's Harris vs. Jarrett in a non-title match. Oh goodie.
We cut to a recap of how The New Franchise cost 3 Live Kru the Tag belts, and then a videotaped promo by 3LK. Apparently, BG likes to call them "The New French Fries." Wow, BG, you're funny. HA...HAHA...HAHAHA...HEEEEEEHEE...HA. To the backstage with Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) with The New Franchise. Taylor says that Shane's backstabbing ways may be rubbing off on Michael Shane, and Douglas asks Terry how many World titles he's won. OH, BURN! Again, another awesome Shane Douglas promo, proving that WCW did handicap him. That's a fact, jackass. Douglas says it's time for Michael Shane to prove the critics wrong by shoving their claims up their asses, and Michael Shane is "going out by himself to prove his critics wrong." Michael Shane SUCKS on the mic. All he's doing is yelling into the mic. Michael Shane says that Ron Killings is going to be Franchised. Harris steals the mic, and retorts to Jarrett. "Tonight, it's not about the World title, and it's not about authority." It's about pride (I coulda sworn it was because THEY HATE EACH OTHER!), and Harris going to prove he's the better man tonight.

MATCH TWO: Ron "The Truth" Killings vs. Michael Shane
THE ACTION: Shane comes out first with Tracy (yes, TNA, it's with a Y), and then The Truth with BG James (as Konnan is doing Spanish commentary, I think). There's the bell after Truth slaps some high-fives with the fans, and Shane stops the breakdancing with a double axehandle and some rights. Run to the corner, and he slams Truth face-first into the top turnbuckle. Mudhole stomping, and Shane tauntsthe fans and James as Truth goes up top, connecting with a dropkick to Shane when he turns around. Armdrag, and then rights before a whip is reversed. Shane goes for a hiptoss, but Truth reverses it into his own seated version. In the corner, and Truth with rights before a whip to the corner is reversed. Truth floats over, backflips, and ducks a lariat with the James Brown split. Spinning sidekick knocks the gum out of Shane's mouth (which is considered a tooth these days, apparently), and Truth covers for 2. BEWARE, COMING FOR YOU! Truth scoops Shane up, and he humps the air in front of his face before a running powerslam. Killings brings Shane back up to his feet, and connects with a right before beginning to breakdance...but Michael Shane dropkicks the left knee. Shane picks Truth's leg up, and slams it into the mat. Shane brings Truth up, but Truth fights back before Shane drops Ron with a kick. Michael Shane puts Truth's leg on the ropes, and drops down onto the knee twice.
Shane with a snapmare, and then he puts Truth's leg back on the ropes, distracting the referee while Tracy wrenches it around the bottom rope. BG gets up from the commentary position and scares Tracy off as Shane stalks Truth. In the corner, and Shane with boots before Truth fights back with rights. Shane knees Truth in the midsection, and then goes to whip him to the opposite corner, but Truth's knee gives out and Ron falls down. Nice selling, Truth. Boot to the midsection by Truth, and he hits the ropes (SLOWLY, selling the injured leg) to go for the Axe Kick, but Shane tackles him down and locks on a Figure-4. Ron's shoulders go down, and a 2-count before he gets back up. Down again, another 2, and then Truth reverses the Figure-4. Shane gets the ropes, and the hold is broken. Complete mismatch of styles here, man. Truth is a brawler, and Shane works an old-school heel style. Truth with rights, and then a big one knocks Shane down. Off the ropes, and Truth backdrops Shane before coming in with a shoulderblock to knock him back down. Another whip is reversed, and Truth ducks a clothesline before coming off the ropes with a spinning forearm. Truth hits the Axe Kick, and Shane Douglas is back in the truck attacking Konnan. Truth is distracted by the footage on the 'tron, and BG James runs to the truck. Shane school-boy's Truth for 2, and then goes for a Fisherman's DDT, but Truth spins out of it and hits a False Destiny (vertical suplex to Stunner). The ref checks on Shane, and Tracy comes off the top with the Pie In The Sky, but Truth catches her...SEATED POWERBOMB! Yes! I've been waiting for that to happen for a LONG time now. Why did they waist that on a meaningless match like this, though?
Truth goes to the ropes to catch a quick breather while Shane backs into the corner, getting to his feet. Shane off the ropes, and Truth ducks a clothesline, but gets drop toeholded onto Tracy's cast. The band gets tuned up, and Sweet Shane Music wins it for Michael Shane at 7:00.
THE WINNER: Michael Shane
POST-MATCH: Michael Shane checks on Tracy as Shane Douglas stands atop the ramp, twirling the chain around his hand. Michael Shane picks Tracy up, and takes her up the ramp.
RATING: *. Boring, plodding match most of the time, but Truth sold that leg like a champ (even after he lost, when getting to his feet, he was limping and stumbling), and Michael Shane didn't use a single resthold.

In the back with Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO), who has Jarrett's posse (minus Jarrett). Kid Kash interrupts, and tells Redshirt Security that they better get it done against Dustin Rhodes and El Leon. Northcutt: "I'm gonna go to that ring and dispose of El Leon and Dustin Rhodes, and when I come backstage, I'll dispose of YOU." Northcutt has a good voice, but he needs to work on his delivery of promo's. Glenn says streetfights are he and Young's specialty, but Young says he hates clowns and won't compete. Kash says Glenn has a partner in him. Later tonight, Glenn is going to reveal who signed the loyalty oath: Simon or Swinger.

MATCH THREE: Redshirt Security vs. Dustin Rhodes and El Leon
THE ACTION: There's the bell, and it's Rhodes and Legend to start. They tie up, and trade rights. Rhodes gets the upper hand, but a rake to the eyes allows Legend to whip him into the ropes. Rhodes ducks a clothesline, and then takes Legend down with a diving one. Tag to Leon, who comes in with rights. Legend fires back, and tags in Northcutt as I mark for Northcutt. Northcutt whips Leon to the corner, and delivers some rights and a knife-edge chop. Whip to the ropes is reversed, and Northcutt is powerslammed for 2. Northcutt fires away with some rights, and he tags in Legend, who fires in with some rights as well. Legend slams Leon face-first into the top turnbuckle pad, and then whips him into the other corner. Leon reverses the whip, and Legend charges in, but eats a boot. Clothesline by Leon, and Legend kicks out at 2.
Tag to "Lonestar" Dustin Rhodes, and Rhodes hits Legend with an inverted atomic drop before a big right takes him down. Whip to the ropes is reversed, and Northcutt nonchalantly knees Rhodes in the back. Dustin knocks Northcutt down, and then sidesteps the charging Legend and tosses him over the top. Leon comes over and rolls Legend back in the ring. Rhodes takes Legend to the corner, and starts with the 10-punch, but Northcutt rolls back into the ring, only to be met with a Bionic Elbow from the middle rope. Rhodes turns around, and is met with a roundhouse kick by Legend. Man, I'm REALLY starting to like Redshirt Security.
Legend puts the boots to Rhodes, and then brings him to his feet, but Rhodes comes off with rights. Off the ropes, but Northcutt applies a full-nelson, allowing Legend to punch him in the face. Snap suplex by Legend gets 2, and then Joe tags in Kevin Northcutt (NORTHCUTT~!) as Scott Hudson tells us that Bill Apter is at ringside taking pictures for Total Wrestling magazine. Northcutt brings Rhodes up, and takes him down with a scoop slam. To the middle rope, and an elbow gets 2. Northcutt brings Rhodes back up, and slams him face-first into the Redshirt corner before tagging in Legend. Legend with a right to the midsection, and then a front facelock...so you know the hot tag is coming up soon. Rhodes begins fighting to his corner by lifting Legend up, and then he backdrops Legend over, tagging in Leon. The referee doesn't see the tag, however, as Northcutt distracted him. The Redshirts double-team Dustin, and then Northcutt whips him into the ropes, connecting with a back elbow for 2. Northcutt locks on a sleeperhold, and the hot tag spot is coming up soon. Ha, nice. Dustin holds his hand near his mouth to tell the next few spots to Northcutt. Dustin fights to his feet, and reverses a hiptoss attempt into a backslide...but Legend distracts the referee! Tag to Legend, and Northcutt hits Dustin with a seated spinebuster, allowing Legend to come off the middle rope with a legdrop for 2. Legend can't believe Rhodes kicked out, and puts the boots to him before dropping a knee. Dustin begins sitting up, and Legend kicks him in the head for 2. Legend tries another cover, and gets 2. Another cover, and another 2-count. Rhodes begins firing back, and connects with rights to both Redshirts before Legend takes him down. They trade rights before a big one sends Dustin into the Redshirt corner, allowing Northcutt to deck him. Legend tries to lift Legend for a suplex, but Dustin reverses it into one of his own. Northcutt in as Legend tags him, and a whip to the ropes. Legend goes for a dropkick, but Dustin holds onto the ropes, and then carpet presses Northcutt for 2. Rhodes with an inverted atomic drop, and both men are down. The referee starts the 10-count, and Rhodes tags in to Leon as Legend gets tagged in. Rights by Leon, and then a whip to the ropes and a big lariat. Another whip, another lariat. Back body drop by Leon, and then a lariat takes Northcutt down. Powerslam to Legend, and then a superkick takes Northcutt down for 2 as Legend breaks it up. As Dames would say, it's HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! as all men are in now. Leon and Legend brawl in the corner as Northcutt whips Dustin into the ropes, going for a back body drop. Rhodes drops down, and slaps the taste out of Northcutt's mouth. Rhodes tosses Northcutt out of the ring as Legend whips Leon into the ropes. Leon ducks a lariat as Rhodes and Northcutt brawl at ringside. Leon connects with a SPEAR, and then backs off as Legend gets to his feet. Northcutt whips Rhodes into the guardrail, and gets onto the apron as Leon goes for a Rock Bottom (which Hudson calls a Uranage, so it's all good). Leon sees Northcutt, and charges for a clothesline, but Northcutt ducks it and applies a full-nelson. Legend charges, but Leon ducks out of the way, letting Legend hit Northcutt with a clothesline that sends Kevin into the guardrails at ringside. Legend turns around, and eats the Uranage by El Leon for the win at 9:08.
THE WINNERS: Dustin Rhodes and El Leon
POST-MATCH: The Naturals (Andy Douglas and Chase Stevens) come out and take care of Rhodes and Leon. Douglas tosses powder into Rhodes' eyes as Stevens tosses Leon out of the ring, and Chase puts the boots to Rhodes as Douglas chokes him. Leon comes into the ring with a chair, and chases The Naturals off.
RATING: *1/2, and it's all for the Redshirts. Kevin Northcutt and Joe Legend REALLY work well together as a tag team, but I'm wondering when Northcutt will get a chance at a singles run. I'd like to see him work with Lynn in a singles match, as well as AJ Styles and even Abyss. I feel Lynn and Styles could teach Northcutt how to work with the smaller guys, and Abyss could teach him what to do when in the ring with somebody of equal or greater size. Northcutt really DOES have a bright future ahead of him, maybe not as a superb worker or as a legend, but he could provide some quality David vs. Goliath-style matches (since that's what many of the Redshirts matches boil down to anyways).

In the back with Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) and The Gathering. Terry says that Raven is back, and Mitchell is all "he's hiding, that's the reason Sandman found new partners." Mitchell tells Raven that while he was hiding in the shadows, The Gathering was laying out bodies left and right. Mitchell says that if Raven shows up, he's learning a lesson in ultraviolence (which we all know is bullchave, as TNA doesn't have the stones to have true ultraviolence on its program). Julio takes the mic, and proves why he was the silent member of The Gathering for so long by cutting a terrible promo. He says Funk's career is going down the tubes. Punk takes the stick, and says he's going to wrap his hands around Raven's throat and laugh as he hears the death rattle. Punk is the man.
Back to ringside with Hudson and West, and Hudson promises that there's a new DOA.
Backstage, Kid Kash is arguing with the Redshirts. Jarrett lays out Legend with the El Kabong, and tells Northcutt that he has a decision to make. He can either take out Legend and leave him there, or stay with Jarrett. Good. Maybe Northcutt will get a face run with Legend, or goes heel as a singles worker. Kash was AWESOME in this segment, as he was basically the little mouthy punk that always hangs around the bigger, stronger guy, instigating people to fight him.
Recap of Fairplay so far, and his interview with Mike Tenay was good. Clips of the Early Show when Fairplay talked about TNA, and now...it's time for Playing Fair With Johnny.

Here comes Fairplay with a neckbrace and his arm in a sling. I'm heavily digging Fairplay's whole "I'm the annoying huss that always gets the chave kicked out of him," so hey. Fairplay takes what seems like forever to get in the ring, and he's jawing on his cellular while waiting for his music to die (which is just a bunch of jungle noises). Fairplay says that he has some bad news, as Joanie Laurer ("Joanie LOW-er, Joanie LOR-er, whatever, I don't care.") won't be here tonight. She, apparently, made way too many ridiculous demands, such as asking for first-class plane tickets ("Nobody flies first-class in TNA but Johnny Fairplay."), creatine ("If I can have a body like this without creatine, so can you."), and a framed picture of Triple H ("I don't think there's a picture frame big enough to hold Triple H's nose."). BOOYAH! FAIRPLAY JUST OWNED JOANIE LAURER! Haha, Fairplay's awesome. "So I downloaded her new CD, and then the cops came and tried to arrest me for it, but I got off by insanity, since who would download that crap?" OWNED! All Johnny knows how to do is file lawsuits, and when he's done with Joanie, "I'll sue the jockstrap off of you!" Simon Diamond, Brian Urlacher, and AJ Styles are also getting lawsuits for attacking him. When he's done with Styles, he'll own the trailer and Jerry Springer collection. "And when I'm done with you, you'll NEED to find a date outside of the family." Ya-ha, OWNED! This segment is boring, but Fairplay seems like the kinda guy that would be a great 'net writer, since he has a great knack for sophomoric and sarcastic humor. What? Reviewing the wrestling matches?! BUT SCOTT KEITH DOESN'T!! HE JUST MAKES JOKES, DON'T HE?! Heeheehee. AJ says that he'd kill Fairplay if he didn't have Abyss to take out, and that Johnny is more like an overgrown ChiaPet than a monster. Fairplay says he's a superstar, and that if he didn't have the sling and neckbrace, he'd kick AJ's ass. Styles punks Fairplay out by yelling "BOO!" and Johnny hightails it up the ramp. Styles gives chase, and knocks him down. He holds him by the 'fro, and then ABYSS runs down and attacks Styles, so the match is on!

MATCH FOUR: AJ Styles vs. Abyss for the NWA Tag Team titles
THE ACTION: Abyss tosses AJ around the ramp, and then grabs the potted plant from the ring of the Playing Fair With Johnny segment, and smacks AJ with it. He grabs the director's chair, and drops it over Styles' back. Abyss whips Styles into the guardrail, and then into the ringside steps (I wonder if TNA's steps weigh over a ton like Cole says the WWE steps do). AJ fights back with kicks and chops and rights, and tries to whip Abyss, but he won't budge. Abyss tosses AJ into the guardrail, and then stalks him over before rolling him into the ring. Abyss grabs the two remaining potted trees and tosses them onto the ramp, stalking AJ before clubbing him in the back. A forearm to the neck, and then a whip to the ropes. Abyss lifts the big boot, but AJ holds onto the ropes. AJ dodges a charging clothesline, and goes for a sunset flip, but Abyss won't budge. Abyss tries to stomp on Styles, but he rolls out of the way and hits the ropes. Abyss telegraphs a back body drop, and AJ jumps onto Abyss' back, standing there for a moment before hopping off and hitting the ropes again. AJ slides under Abyss, and connects with a spinning heel kick, but Abyss won't go down. Off the ropes, and AJ leapfrogs Abyss, ducks under him, and connects with the flipping dropkick...but Abyss doesn't go down! Styles taunts Abyss on, and Abyss answers back. AJ moves out of the way of a grapple attempt, and 'rana's him to the mat. Abyss ducks down to back body drop AJ, but Styles steps back and connects with a kick to the face, sending Abyss reeling against the ropes. AJ charges, and clotheslines Abyss over the top, but the monster lands on his feet.
AJ springboards off the top with a crossbody, knocking Abyss down. Both men up, and AJ shoves Abyss back into the ring before stepping in himself. He covers, and gets 2 before Abyss tosses him onto the apron while kicking out. AJ slingshots over the apron for a Tornado DDT, but Abyss turns it into a flapjack, and Styles landed RIGHT ON HIS FACE. Abyss grabs AJ by the head, and tosses him into the corner. Whip to the other corner, and it was so powerful (the whip) that Abyss falls down and AJ bounces out of the corner and falls down. Abyss lifts AJ back up into the corner, and connects with an overhand chop before applying a blatant choke. Abyss takes a seat on the top rope, and applies a HANGING SLEEPERHOLD~! to AJ. Abyss stands up on the middle rope, and then slams AJ down. Abyss goes outside, and sets up a table on the ramp. Abyss back in, and goes for a chokeslam. He has AJ inthe goozle, but Styles fights back with elbows. Styles comes off the ropes, but gets caught in the goozle again. Styles tries to reverse it into a 'rana, but Abyss whips him back up, and goes for a powerbomb over the ropes to the table outside...BUT AJ ESCAPES! Styles jumps up, and connects with a HIGH enziguri to Abyss (possibly the best looking enziguri I've ever seen, honestly), knocking the big man down.
Both men are down, and the ref starts the 10-count. A replay is shown of the enziguri, and Abyss is up first as Styles pulls himself up with the ropes. AJ with a clothesline, but Abyss doesn't budge. AJ with another running clothesline, but Abyss doesn't budge again. AJ believes in the old "third time's a charm" adage, and goes for another, but Abyss blocks it and locks on the goozle, tossing AJ back into the ropes. Abyss lifts the returning Styles up for a pancake, but AJ dropkicks out of it. Both men back up, and AJ springboards off of the middle rope, backflipping over Abyss' shoulder while applying an inverted front facelock...and the moonsault inverted DDT is botched as Abyss falls too soon. Dang. That would have been a HUGE pop had it connected perfectly, although I can't say I blame either man, considering Abyss is nearly twice AJ's size. AJ covers, and gets 2. Abyss backs into the corner, and AJ charges, but eats elbow. Abyss takes another seat on the top rope, and goes for the Hanging Sleeperhold, but AJ fights out of it and hits a backflip enziguri to Abyss. HOW DID HE JUMP THAT HIGH?! AJ goes up, and hits a top rope 'rana to Abyss for 2. Styles exits the ring, and grabs the table, pushing it into the ring. AJ sets up the table, near the corner, and goes over to Abyss, but gets caught in the goozle. Abyss lifts AJ up for the chokeslam, but Styles twists his body and comes in with a victory roll for 2. Abyss backs into the corner, and AJ hits a tornado lariat before pulling him out with chops and rights and kicks, setting him up on the table. AJ goes up top, but Abyss gets off the table and crotches him. Abyss stands on the middle rope, and applies a front facelock, ready to superplex AJ. AJ holds on, and then delivers a series of rights to Abyss' midsection, doubling him over. AJ flips over, landing on his feet, and tries to complete the Sunset Powerbomb through the table to the big man...BUT ABYSS HOLDS ON!
In comes Jeff Jarrett, who field goal kicks AJ in the sack, earning AJ the DQ win at 9:50.
THE WINNER: AJ Styles
POST-MATCH: Jeff Jarrett puts the boots to AJ Styles, and then begins laying in a beating on him before hitting The Stroke. The crowd chants for ICP, and Jarrett moves the table, telling Abyss to put AJ through it. Abyss picks AJ up with a fireman's carry, and then spins him off F5-style into a spinebuster...BUT THE TABLE DOESN'T BREAK! Jarrett moves AJ's position on the table, and Abyss comes off the middle rope with a splash, barely breaking the table. However, Abyss hit his knee REALLY hard on the edge of the table, and he limps out of the ring as "Wildcat" Chris Harris runs in for the save, chasing off Jeff Jarrett.
RATING: **3/4. When I first watched this match, I didn't think anything of it. I mostly saw just ringside brawling, and the typical AJ Styles comeback moves (chops, 'rana, enziguri, etc.). However, I watched it again, and I really, really dig this match. Both men told a great story of Abyss being AJ's superior in strength and size, but AJ refused to give in, and it took a run-in from Jarrett to prevent Abyss from losing fairly. This SHOULD give AJ both tag belts, since TNA enacted a ruling in late 2002 about how titles can exchange hands via disqualification and count-out, as well as the traditional pinfall and submission, but I doubt it will, since TNA bookers (read: Dutch Mantel and Jeff Jarrett) have forgotten quite a few important things (such as JJ Dillon being the Commissioner for a little while, Jerry Lynn should not have even been on this show, and common sense dictates that if there's no NWA Board of Directors, then there's no NWA, and thus all of the NWA titles are null and void in TNA; yeah, thanks Dutch for watching the product and having common sense, so please refer to the graphic at the beginning of this Lazarush).

Cut to the back with Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO), who is with Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger. He wants to know which one signed the loyalty oath, and they're both saying neither of them signed it. Simon and Swinger have been friends for the past 10 years, so why would Swinger be lying to Simon just now? The way I see it, there are three ways they could go with this.

Simon Diamond could be lying and have signed the loyalty oath.
Johnny Swinger could be lying and have signed the loyalty oath.
Glenn Gilberti and Kid Kash are lying, and neither man signed a loyalty oath.

Of course, I'd say the best way to go would be #1, with Simon going back to his heel routes and Swinger being the face (something about Swinger just tells me he'd be a good face, for some reason), but knowing Dutch, I'll go with the obvious #2. If it was Russo back in charge, we'd get Swinger's pregnant wife involved, and it'd be an alien baby that a clone of Simon Diamond fathered one day back in Vietnam.
Recap of last week's ICP/Young and Gilberti match, and then a short music video for ICP. This leads into our next match, which I will call NORMALLY, as I don't feel like going JCW commentator for this!

MATCH FIVE: Insane Clown Posse vs. Glenn Gilberti and Kid Kash in a Juggalo Streetfight
THE ACTION: Who's goin' chicken huntin? WE'S GOING CHICKEN HUNTIN'! Kid Kash over the top with a crossbody, but ICP catch him and drop him over the rail as the bell rings. Shaggy with knife-edge chops to Kash as J brawls with Gilberti near the ramp. West obviously never listened to ICP, as he says they write about living on the streets (coulda sworn that "Chicken Huntin" was about hating rednecks). J tosses Gilberti back in the ring, and connects with a side headbutt as Kash takes care of Shaggy outside. J with a Novacaine, and then a whip to the corner. He charges, but eats a back elbow and gets clotheslined down. On the outside, Shaggy 2 Dope takes the Smashmouth LIKE A MAN by not putting his hands up. J reverses a whip, and lifts Glenn up in a fireman's carry, connecting with a nice Death Valley Driver for 2 as Kash breaks it up. Double whip to the ropes, and Glenn drop toeholds J as Kash kicks Shaggy off the apron before hitting a springboard dropkick for 2. Russian Legsweep by Glenn, and then Gilberti back suplexes Kash, who hits a moonsault onto J for 2. Glenn knocks Shaggy back off of the apron, and then they go to double team J, but J fights back. Whip to the corner to Kash, and then J begs them on. Glenn and Kash duck a double lariat, and Glenn clotheslines J down while Kash hits him with a Spear. Shaggy's up top, and he connects with a double dropkick to both opponents. Shaggy trades off between the two with rights, and then ICP whip Gilberti into the ropes, connecting with a Hart Attack (with J picking Glenn up, and Shaggy clotheslining him down) for 2 as Kash breaks it up with a kick. Shaggy runs over to Kash and starts laying in the rights before ICP both whip Kash into the ropes. Double pancake, and J with paintbrush slaps to Kash, followed by a SWEET stalled double brainbuster. DOUBLE BRAINBUSTAH~! J goes up top, and hits the 720 Moonflip (top rope moonsault) onto Kash. Instead of covering, he tells Shaggy to go up for the Triple Lindy From The Rafters (top rope legdrop). Gilberti clotheslines J over the top rope to the outside, and follows him as Shaggy misses the TLFTR, Kash moving out of the way. Kash tells David Young to give him the chair, and Kash holds the chair, turning around as 2 Tuff Tony brawls at ringside with David Young. Kash gets met with the Van Shagginator (Shaggy's chair-assisted Yakuza Kick), which actually BREAKS the chair. Shaggy brings Kash up, and whips him into the ropes, but it's reversed by Kash. Kash telegraphs a back body drop, and Shaggy 2 Dope sunset flips over, but Kash holds onto the referee. The referee makes Kash let go of him, but Kash grabs the referee again to prevent his falling. KASH IS YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER. The referee makes the Notorious K-I-D let go of him again, and Kash shoves the referee away. The ref, however, won't take this chave, and shoves Kash into the sunset flip, and the fast-count gives ICP the win at 5:30.
THE WINNERS: Insane Clown Posse
POST-MATCH: Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope celebrate with 2 Tuff Tony, as the COOLEST SIGNS EVER are held up high (the Juggalo section has made seven signs, one of the Psychopathic Records hatchet man, and the other six of the six pre-Wraith ICP albums, modified to spell out "FAMILY"). Young, Gilberti, and Kash argue with the referee about the decision. Kash slaps the ref, but the ref slaps back. Young and Glenn beat the ref down, and then Young hits the Spinebuster onto him. They bring the referee back to his feet, and lifts his shirt up over his head inverted hockey-style to let Kash lay in the overhand chops. Out come Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger for the save, and Simon grabs the clipboard. He scrolls down the list of names, and then looks up at Swinger, a little shocked. Swinger looks away, ashamed apparently, and then begins decking Simon. Glenn, Kash, and Young roll back into the ring, and it's a 4-on-1 until Blackshirt Security runs out for the save.
RATING: *1/4. Fun match, but ultimately crap. ICP are terrible workers, but they ARE charismatic and fun, and both have some very nice movesets. The highlight of the match was most definitely the double brainbuster, which was executed PERFECTLY.

Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) is in the back with Goldylocks, asking her why she turned on Watts. She says she used to have the backstage interviewer job, and goes on a feminazi rant. Yay. BITCHSLAP is going to be back, only it's a one-chick crew. Hey, Goldy, where's your album? Oh, right, you suck too much for it to be released. Baka'ing huss. Goldy acts insane in this promo. Funny stuff. "Three-way dance. What's the REAL meaning of that, huh Terry? Dancey, dancey, dancey!" Mike Tenay interrupts, and pulls Taylor away.
A video package about Raven's feud with The Gathering is played, and it's pretty cool. Mitchell's promo near the end is scary just because of the lighting. This takes us to the next match.

MATCH SIX: The Gathering vs. Terry Funk and RAVEN
THE ACTION: Anybody else find it funny that The Gathering comes out to a bastardized version of a TED NUGENT song when the whole point of Father James Mitchell is to be "evil"? Sorry, but the redneck that is Ted Nugent doesn't scream "darkness" and "evil" to me. It screams "monster trucks" and "beef jerky." Funk's out, and then comes Raven...YES! RAVEN'S WEARING THE SHORTS, SLEEVELESS SHIRT, LEATHER JACKET, AND FLANNEL! YESSSSSS!!! THIS IS THE REAL RAVEN, YOU BITCHES!!!! In the ring, Dinero LEVELS Funk with a chairshot, and in comes Raven. He ducks a Punk clothesline, and clotheslines him down. Superkick to the chair of Dinero, and Julio goes down. In the corner with Punk, and Raven does the 10-punch. Raven whips Julio into the corner where Punk is seated, and BAM! Ass to face. Damn, nice bladejob by Funk. Raven "crucifies" Punk in the ropes with a Gory Special, Tarantula-style, but Julio breaks it up. Boots to Raven, and then Julio holds Raven in a double chickenwing as Punk taunts him. Forearms to the face, and then Punk hits the ropes, hitting him with another forearm. Julio releases the double chickenwing, and hits the ropes, connecting with a flying forearm to knock Raven down. Raven's back up, and The Gathering hit the double superkick to send Raven out of the ring. Punk goes outside and taunts Funk, rolling him back in the ring. "C'MON, YOU BLEEDING BITCH!" Punk puts the boots to Funk's head, and then stands him on the apron for a right that sends him down to the outside. Julio whips Raven into the guardrail, and puts the boots to him as Punk sends Terry back into the ring. CM starts slapping Terry across the face, ASKING Terry to hit him. Funk keeps getting slapped while Julio nails Raven with a right outside, and chokes him over the guardrail. Funk falls down after another slap, and CM brings him up for a few rights. Terry starts fighting back with lefts to the midsection, and then a Stunner sends Punk down. Julio in, and Terry connects with a series of right jabs before the big left knocks him down. Funk elbows Julio in the back of the head, and then drags him down to the mat. Punk back in while Terry applies the spinning toehold, and Funk gets hit by CM, allowing Julio to apply an inside cradle for 2. Julio goes to the apron as Raven gets on the apron, and Punk hits a backbreaker, taunting Terry, yelling in his face to get up. Punk sends Terry into the corner, and tags in Dinero. Julio with a spinning fisherman's suplex, and then he positions Terry near the corner. Julio up top, and he goes for a senton splash, but Funk gets the knees up into Julio's back. Terry starts crawling towards The Gathering's corner, but he wipes the blood from his eyes and turns around, stumbling back into his corner as Raven reaches for a tag. Tag to Punk, and then a tag to Raven.
Raven with lefts, and then a tornado clotheslines takes Punk down. Lefts to Julio, and a tornado clothesline takes HIM down. Raven whips CM into the corner, who hits chest-first and stumbles backwards as Raven hits the ropes for a falling clothesline. Raven sees Julio, kneelifts him in the midsection. Raven pulls out the snotrag, blows his nose in it, and rubs it in CM Punk's face. Whip to the corner, and Raven follows in with an avalanche, grabbing Punk by the head and hitting a bulldog out of the corner, simultaneously clotheslining Julio down. Punk gets to his feet, stumbling into the ropes, and Raven clotheslines him over. Funk applies an adbominal stretch to Julio, and turns it into a cradling pin...but keeps rolling with it! Kiwi Roll! Funk finally stops the roll for a pinfall attempt, but in comes Punk with a kick to break it up. Raven slides into the ring, and he superkicks CM Punk out of the ring. Raven measures Julio on, begging him to come near him, and Julio turns around...EVENFLOW DDT! YES! HE HIT INCREDIBLY FAST! 1...2...3!!!! RAVEN GETS THE PINFALL AT 7:19!!!
THE WINNERS: Raven and Terry Funk
POST-MATCH: CM Punk coems into the ring, and starts beating on Raven. Out comes Father James Mitchell, with a STUNGUN in his hand. Mitchell gets into the ring as The Gathering hold Raven for the stungun, but Funk pushes them out of the way and takes the stungun to the chest. Raven grabs the stungun as The Gathering bails, and he holds them off. Damn is Funk's bladejob AWESOME.
RATING: *1/2. Formulaic tag brawl, and Funk was a non-factor in this match, but I marked out like a bitch for Raven coming back dressed like he used to. Sorry, but Raven was NOT meant to wear a kilt and have bleached blonde hair. He was meant to wear the torn denim shorts, the sleeveless shirt, the leather jacket, and the flannel tied around his waist. Fun, FUN match.

Terry Taylor (COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO) is in the back with TNA Canadian representative Scott Dubois (I think that's his last name). Due to the success of America's X-Cup, TNA officials have decided to make it a regular event. The whole NWA team dropped the ball, and he says that they let Team AAA walk into their home building and walk out with the cup. If there's one thing Canadians do better than anybody else, it's "flat-out, balls-to-the-wall wrestle." Tell that to Test. On March 10, Team AAA (Juventud Guerrera, Mr. Aguila, Hector Garza, and Abismo Negro) will have to take on Team Canada, with Teddy Hart as the captain. There's one thing Americans DO do better than Canadians. "CHOKE!" Meh, decent promo, but the guy sounds like a tool. Looks like a tool. He IS a tool.
Back to ringside with Judson and West, who pimp America's X-Cup 2 (which Bryan Staebell has called Mexico's X-Cup, since Team AAA has the cup right now, and I'll agree with him) on March 10. West goes into shill mode for the TNA site, and next week is 3 Live Kru taking on The New Franchise, and Abyss and AJ Styles squaring off in a TNA Tables match (four tables in all four corners). Hudson wants to know who the new DOA is, and West wants to know if there IS a new DOA.
Cut to the back with Raven in his lair, who says that The Gathering out-maneuvered him. He sat home for 5 weeks alone, and he thought "what has become of me?" He looked into a drawer that he hadn't touched in years, found his leather jacket, jean shorts, and flannel, and found the Raven that he used to be. A Raven that didn't care about anybody or anything, including himself. He forgot about that Raven, because he started caring about people. "Mitchell, I will rip out your intestines and shove them down your throat with a rusty fork while you are being sodomized by CM Punk and Julio Dinero." After The Gathering, Raven's gunning for Jeff Jarrett. Next week, Raven's bringing in a partner who is homicidal, suicidal, and GENOCIDAL. Next week, it's Raven and Sabu against The Gathering.

MATCH SEVEN: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Harris, non-title
THE ACTION: Both men are out, and there's the bell. Staredown to start, and Jarrett tells the crowd that he's going to get Harris. They circle, and then Harris goes to tie up, but Jarrett turns it into a rear waistlock. Harris reverses, but Jarrett fights out with a full-arm dragon twist. Harris reverses, but JJ pulls his hair and shoots him into the ropes. Shoulderblock by Wildcat, and Harris hits the ropes, hopping over JJ, and gets met with an armdrag by Jeff. Jarrett taunts Harris, and they stare each other down again. They circle, and Jarrett calls Harris a bitch...or something. Tie up, and Jarrett with a side headlock, then a hammerlock, and then another side headlock. Whip to the ropes, and Jarrett ducks a clothesline, tripping Harris down and paintbrushing him. Jarrett hops onto the middle rope to taunt the crowd, and Harris readies for a big left. Jarrett drops down, and turns around...poking Harris in the eyes. Nice heel move. Let it never be said that Jarrett can't be a great heel IN THE RING. Jarrett with a whip to the ropes, and a hiptoss is reversed into a stalling vertical suplex. Harris whips Jarrett, and then hits an inverted atomic drop before another whip by Wildcat is reversed. Jarrett goes for a back body drop, but Harris cradles Jarrett up for 2. Whip to the corner is reversed by JJ, and Harris floats over as Jarrett charges, rolling through with a prawn hold for 2. Whip to the ropes, and Wildcat with another inverted atomic drop. Harris clotheslines Jarrett over the top, and he catches his chin on the apron. Harris with a slingshot crossbody to the outside, and Harris with lefts around the ring to the commentator's table.
Harris delivers snakeyes to Jarrett over the guardrail, and begins hitting him with lefts before slamming him face-first into the steps. Harris brings Jarrett up, but Jarrett reverses and slams Harris' face into the guardrail. Jarrett moves the steps out of the way, and goes to whip Wildcat into the post, but Chris reverses and Jarrett eats post. Harris brings Jarrett over to the table, and slams his face into it. Both men stand atop the table, and Harris with lefts before Jarrett grabs Wildcat by the head and jumps off the table, essentially delivering a facebuster onto the table. Jarrett grabs a chair, and smacks Harris in the back with it. Jarrett grabs the chair, and slams the top of it into Harris' ribs. Back into the ring, and Jarrett brings Chris to his feet. Harris with lefts, but Jarrett rakes the eyes. Whip to the ropes, and Jarrett telegraphs a back body drop, but catches the kick from Harris, trips him up, and applies the Figure-4. Harris starts reversing it, and does. The hold is released, and Jarrett stomps on the knee before Harris gets to his feet, and connects with lefts. Whip to the ropes, but Jarrett reverses, and locks on a sleeperhold. Harris reverses it into a back suplex, and both men are down as referee Rudy Charles starts the 10-count.
Jarrett crawls over and drapes an arm for the cover, but Harris kicks out at 2. Both men up, and Harris blocks a right, connecting with a left. Another block of the right, and more lefts. Harris whips Jarrett into the ropes, but Jarrett reverses it. Harris ducks a clothesline, and connects with a flying clothesline to Jarrett. Full-nelson slam gets 2, and then Harris whips Jarrett into the corner. Harris hits the ropes, and coems off with a bulldog for 2. Harris whips Jarrett into the corner, but JJ reverses it, and Harris jumps to the middle rope, springing off with a crossbody block...but Jarrett ducks it and the referee is taken out. Wow, a ref bump. The match was going great until the ref bump. WHY DO WE STILL USE REF BUMPS?! Jarrett sees the ref down, and hits Harris with The Stroke. Jarrett covers, but the referee is down. Kid Kash comes down, and wakes up the referee, but Harris kicks out at 2. Jarrett is frustrated, and gets to his feet, grabbing the NWA World title that Kash tossed to him. Harris turns around, and ducks the beltshot, Spearing Jarrett down. The cover! 1...2...Jarrett kicks out at 2. Whip to the ropes, but Jarrett reverses it into a short-arm shinbreaker. Jarrett goes to apply the Figure-4, but Harris kicks him off and into the ropes. Harris ducks under Jarrett, and then gets to his feet, nailing a tilt-a-whirl powerslam onto JJ for 2. Harris goes to the apron, and climbs up top. Harris comes off with a crossbody, but Jarrett ducks it and Harris eats canvas. Jarrett goes for The Stroke, but Harris blocks it, whips Jarrett into the ropes, and scoops him up. Harris nails the Catatonic, and covers. 1...2...KID KASH YELLS AT RUDY CHARLES THAT IF HE COUNTS TO THREE, THEN HE'S FIRED! Harris nails Kid Kash off of the apron, goes up top, and nails the top rope legdrop. 1...2...Kash AGAIN yells at Rudy, and tells him if he counts to 3 he's fired. Harris starts harassing Rudy, and Jarrett grabs the belt. Harris turns around, and Jarrett nails him with the beltshot. Rudy goes to tell the timekeeper to ring the bell, but Jarrett grabs him and tosses him down, saying that if he gets disqualified then Rudy is fired. Jarrett covers Harris, and gets the pinfall at 11:18.
THE WINNER: Jeff Jarrett
POST-MATCH: Jarrett gets the stick, and says things will be done his way.
RATING: *1/2. Decent match while it lasted, and I'm glad to see that the in-crowd brawls that have become a mainstay in TNA main events are gone.

Mike Tenay appears on the ramp, interrupting Jarrett's post-match promo. Tenay is PISSED OFF, and says that Jarrett deprived him of making a living. "You've been claiming that there's not a new DOA? You're WRONG." Jarrett says Tenay was fired last week and has no business being there. He's right, as Tenay WAS fired last week, but he was RE-HIRED tonight by the new DOA. And the new NWA Director Of Authority is...holy shit. HOLY SHIT. IT'S VINCE RUSSO! IT'S VINCE RUSSO!! ...AND HE SHAVED! HE FINALLY LOOKS LIKE A HOMOSAPIEN AND NOT A CRO-MAGNON!!!

Well, pretty decent show tonight. Nothing was too bad, but nothing was too good. I'd give it a 7.5/10 for being average, which is better than what most TNA shows were since Dutch got the book.

POSITIVES:
-Raven is back in his old attire, and next week should be one of those "so bad it's good" matches, since Sabu and Julio Dinero are both known to blow spots.
-Terry Funk bled like a MAN tonight.
-Jarrett actually put Chris Harris over, as it took threats to Rudy Charles' job to prevent Harris from winning three times.
-The opening 8-man was a fun little spotfest, but seriously, we NEED more Roderick Strong. The guy seems pretty awesome.
-Abyss and AJ Styles had a very solid match tonight, and I'm really looking forward to next week's TNA Tables match.
-The only matches under 8 minutes were the only matches I'd never wanna see get more than 8 minutes.

NEGATIVES:
-Vince Russo is back as an on-air character, but this time as a face. Russo usually overshadows whatever talent he aligns himself with.
-The lack of continuity about the rules of title matches hurt the Styles/Abyss bout. Titles can change hands via disqualification and count-out as well as pinfall and submission, so shouldn't AJ have the belts?
-It's been reported that Don Callis had to part ways with TNA due to receiving a full-time office job leaving only his weekends open. So why can he not film short vignettes on the weekends so they can explain where he is? Might not be practical, and this isn't really a knack on THIS particular show, but it would be better if they did that so he could say some things in pre-taped segments.
-The only X-Division match was the opening 8-man. Everything else involved heavyweights. TNA's main draw for all of 2002 was the X-Division. Hell, the X-Division champion hasn't defended his title since 1/21. That's four weeks. He needs to defend the belt next week, as a champion that doesn't defend their title within 30 days, going by almost all of the NWA's rulings, forfeits the title.

Well, it was a pretty good show. Definitely order the March 10th X-Cup, as we'll get a couple good matches guaranteed (especially if the Canadian guys brought in are as good as people say they are). Until then, keep it chill, motherbakaz.