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WWE Heat Recap: December 29th, 2002
Posted by Peter "FakeRazor" Ramon on Dec 30, 2002, 19:25

Let’s see if I can actually get this thing up before JHawk’s RAW report this week.

First off, I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice or whatever other holiday it is that you might be celebrating around this time of the year. I’ve never met anyone that celebrates the latter two holidays, but hell, there’s gotta be someone out there that will be offended if I don’t mention their holiday.

I’m a Christmas man myself, and I got a few wrestling books among other things as gifts. I got Piper and Heenan’s book, and when I’m finished with them, I’ll be sure to let you guys know how they are. I suspect both will be good reads though.

Anyway, onto this week’s Heat Recap, the last Heat of 2002.

Your hosts are, as always, Jonathan Coachman and Lita.

Here comes Maven to start things off. His theme rules it. Looks like he’s facing some jobber this week, named Vinny Valentino. I’m sure Mr. Valentino, most likely a struggling independent talent, appreciates how Maven got his WWE contract.

Match One: Maven vs. Vinny Valentino
Maven looks to lock up, but Valentino kicks him in the midsection, and gives him a few clubs to the back of the neck. A couple of stiff chops are followed up by an uppercut by Valentino. Valentino goes for a hip toss, but Maven reverses it into a hiptoss of his own. Clothesline by Maven, followed by a whip to the buckle and a baaack body drop. Another whip by Maven leads to Valentino trying to leave the ring, but Maven hiptosses him back in. Drop toehold onto the bottom rope by Valentino. Valentino chokes Maven with his knee over the bottom rope. For a jobber, he’s doing a damn good job getting the crowd to hate him, as he’s getting some decent heat. Valentino chops Maven in the back a few times, followed by a suplex, right into a bridge for two. Lita points out that Valentino is probably pissed at the way Maven got his contract. Wow, she hit the nail right on the head there. Valentino gets caught off guard by some punches to the midsection by Maven, but Valentino clubs him right down. Valentino gets whipped into the corner, and Maven tries for a suplex, but Valentino blocks it. Valentino goes for a suplex, but Maven slips behind him. Valentino gets Maven in the Rock Bottom position, but flips him over his head in some sort of suplex. That was quite nifty. Two count for his troubles. Valentino tries for a back suplex, but Maven punches out and lands on top of Valentino, and follows that up with a neckbreaker. Maven takes advantage with some punches and a clothesline, followed by a flapjack for two. Maven tries for a piledriver, blocked by Valentino with an attempted back body drop, which is turned into a sunset flip by Maven. Boy that would have been a nice combo, if it actually came off right. Instead it was done slowly and looked pretty poor. Valentino slips out of the sunset flip, and goes for a small package for two. Valentino whips Maven into the corner, but Maven hops over the top rope and onto the top turnbuckle. Maven jumps off, and hits the MISSILE DROPKICK OF DOOM for the win.

Lita and Coach shill the Best of 2002 for tomorrow night.

Jeff Hardy vs. Steven Richards is scheduled for later tonight. Commercials follow.

Lugz Boot of the Week
This week’s boot of the week is Goldust beating Jericho by rolling up the tights.

Here comes Johnny Stamboli. Dave Roach, a jobber, is his opponent.

Match Two: Johnny Stamboli vs. Dave Roach
Tie-up to start, headlock by Stamboli, right into a hammerlock. Reversal by Roach into a hammerlock of his own. Stamboli tries to roll out, but Roach holds on. Roach turns it into a rollup for two. They Tie-up again, with Stamboli getting backed into the corner. Stamboli goes off the ropes, but gets clotheslined. Overhead belly to belly suplex by Stamboli, followed by an elbow and some stomps. Mounted punches by Stamboli for two. Another cover... leads to another two count. Kick to the midsection, and a choke over the second rope by Stamboli. Another choke, this time over the top rope, but Stamboli. Stamboli suplexes Roach into the ring... but wait, he stalls and drops him over the top rope across the ring for two. Roach fights back with some punches and an attempted whip, but Stamboli wrings the arm and turns it into a short arm clothesline. Stamboli goes to work with a side headlock on the ground. Roach elbows out, and hits a T-Bone Suplex for two. Roach takes Stamboli down with a clothesline and a back body drop, and he takes it to the second rope. Meanwhile, Coach makes cracks about Jeff Hardy’s sexuality to Lita. Pot. Kettle. Black. Still funny though...

Back to the match. Roach hops off the second rope, but gets hit with a clothesline on his way down. Splash in the corner by Stamboli, followed by a Press slam powerbomb, and a top rope legdrop for the win.

Hurricane is backstage with Raven. Raven tells Hurricane to just think about something, but Hurricane says it goes against what he stands for. Interesting. Chief Sean Morley interupts. He says the administration is scared of Raven’s masterpiece, and says he’s going to nip it right now, while he can. The Chief offers Raven a spot back on RAW, as long as he ends his masterpiece, and he has to beat Tommy Dreamer on Heat. Raven says he’s willing to give up his masterpiece for a spot on RAW. Wow, Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven on Heat. Who’d have thought they’d see THAT day?

Commercials follow.

RAW Recap: HHH vs. Scott Steiner in an arm wrestling match
Wow, Hungry Hungry Hippos actually let himself lose face on TV by losing the arm wrestling match.

Steven Richards vs. Jeff Hardy is next, but after these words from our sponsors.

Here comes Steven Richards w/ Victoria now... but first, here’s Richards in a pre-taped interview describing his relationship with Victoria. All Steven does is moan and groan.

Uh oh, looks like somebody left the fingerpaints open again. Here comes Jeff Hardy, accompanied by more gay jokes by The Coach. Ah, it’s quite refreshing to know that Jeff is no longer on RAW.

Match Three: The Rainbow Warrior vs. WHACKO Steven Richards
Victoria psyches Richards up outside of the ring, and the bell rings. Tie-up to start, headlock by the WHACKO one, followed by a shoulderblock, and a taunt to rile up the crowd. Hiptoss by Jeff Hardy, followed by some armdrags, and an XXXXXXXXX-TREEEEEME staredown. Richards tries for a kick to the midsection, but the crappy Hardy brother twists him around and punches him in the head a few times. Armdrag by Richards. Richards mocks Hardy’s XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-TREEEEEEEME staredown, but gets taken down with a clothesline. XXXXXXX-TREEEEME Irish whip by Jeff Hardy, but it gets reversed. Jeff leap frogs Richards, and gets whipped again. Richards tosses Jeff’s XXXXXXX-TREME body over the top rope to the floor. Steven throws Jeff back into the ring, and stomps away, followed by a foot choke in the corner. Stiff chops by Steven followed by an attempted splash in the corner. Jeff moves, and rolls Richards up for an XXXXXXX-TREEEEEEEME 2 count. Knees to the midsection by Richards, followed by a STEVEN PLEX! Richards doesn’t go for the cover, instead he goes for a full nelson. Victoria taunts Jeff from the outside, but being the XXXXXXXX-TREME guy that he is, he ignores it and elbows out. Jeff drops to his ass, and kicks Richards in the face, followed by an inverted Twist of Fate. That was XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-TREME!!!!! 10 count by the ref, both me n get up at 7. They exchange blows, but eventually Richards gets taken down by an Enziguri. XXXX-TREME whip by Jeff, followed by an XXXXXXXXXXX-TREME forearm. Jeff follows that up with his XXXXXXXXX-TREMELY ILLEGAL legdrop to the nuts for two. Whisper in the Wind by Jeff for two. X-TREME 10 punches by Jeff, and he heads to the top rope for the most XXXXX-TREME MOVE EVER! Victoria distracts Jeff, and Steven grabs the top rope, and Jeff falls off. STEVIE-T by Steven for the win. That wasn’t very XXXXXXXXXX-TREME.

X-TREME Commercial break.

RAW Retro: Jim Ross kisses Vince McMahon’s ass
Jim Ross kissing Vince McMahon’s ass, while Vince wears a cowboy hat and spanks his ass. I never thought I’d see the day....

RAW Recap: Worst MOTY Candidate: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler vs. Storm and Regal
Ewww... I won’t touch this one with a 10 foot pole. Lucky, JHawk will, so check out what he’s got to say about this match...

Raven vs. Dreamer is next, after these commercials.

Dubya Dubya E Rewind: Raven is banned from RAW
Yeah, Dreamer beat his ass, and Raven was relegated to Heat.

Main Event: Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer
Remember, if Raven wins, he can go back to RAW. “E-C-Dub!” chants are aplenty.

I never thought I’d see this match on WWE TV, let alone on their crappy MTV B-Show...

Tie-up to start, quick rollup by Raven for two. Tie-up again, headlock by Raven, whipped out of by Dreamer, cover by Raven for two. Kick to the midsection by Raven, whip by Dreamer, but Raven cowers and holds onto the top rope. Raven tells Dreamer to hold on a minute, as he takes off THE KILT. They brawl away on the outside, until Dreamer tosses Raven back into the ring. Raven whips Dreamer into the corner, and tries for a clothesline as Dreamer is coming out of the corner, but Dreamer ducks and hits a nice neckbreaker for two. Sunset flip by Dreamer for two. Clothesline by Dreamer for two. Dreamer whips Raven into the corner and tries for a battering ram, but Raven moves and Dreamer’s shoulder crushes into the steel ring post. Raven slams Dreamer’s arm into the post a few times, and rolls back into the ring. Raven stomps away some more, rolls to the outside, and slams Dreamer’s arm into the steel ring steps. Cover by Raven for two. Raven picks Dreamer up, and hits his knee to the back bulldog off the top rope for two. Armbar by Raven, great strategy, working on the arm. Dreamer punches out of it, but Raven pulls him down by the hair. Arm breaker by Raven for two, followed by a hammerlock, then an armbar. Arm wringer by Raven, but Dreamer turns it into a short line clothesline, followed by a regular clothesline and a neckbreaker for two. 10 punches by Dreamer. Dreamer bites Raven in the head, and whips him across the ring to the other turnbuckle. Shoulderblock by Raven right to the injured arm of Dreamer. Good selling by Dreamer, nice psychology by Raven. Bulldog by Dreamer for two, which Coach moronically calls a modified Dudley Dog. Whip by Dreamer into the corner, and he sets up for the DVD. Raven reverses it and tries for the Raven effect, but Dreamer turns it into a DDT of his own. COVER! 1...2... Foot on the rope! Low blow by Raven while the ref isn’t looking, and Raven picks up the 3 count. Looks like we’ll see Raven back on RAW in two weeks.

A strong main event, jokes questioning Jeff Hardy's sexuality and Maven wrestling a pissed off jobber made this one of the better Heats in recent memory. Nothing great, but that’s not what Heat is all about, now is it?

Peter "FakeRazor" Ramon

As always, you can reach me here.

whacked Out wrestling


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