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News
The TSM Weekend Newsflash
By Byron Vester
Jan 6, 2003, 00:11

What�s up, fools? Welcome once again to YOUR weekend news fix. Of course, I am your host, Byron Vester, and before we get down to business, I gotta vent about a few things�

NFL PLAYOFFS, BITCH!

Sweet Mother of Satan, all the games shown this week sucked some serious cockage, eh? I can�t believe that I picked Green Bay to beat the Falcons considering how terrible they looked against the Jets last week, but I�ll be damned if I did. The Packers are in some serious trouble now because injuries and age seem to be catching up to �em and I don�t know how long they can go with Donald Driver being the only serious threat from the WR position(Terry Glenn, my ASS!) and the defensive side of the ball filled with more holes than Katie Vick after Kane got finished with her. Talk about a team in need of a serious overhaul�

On the jets/Colts game, I expected no less since Gheyton Manning has always been a choker dating back to his Tennessee days and as much as he probably means not to, I don�t think Dungy is the coach for that team. A lot of the playcalling just screamed his �Conservative Motherfucker� style and it really killed any chance the Dolts had of mounting any sort of comeback.

Now onto today and the total collapse of both the Cleveland Browns and NY Giant Choke Artists. Despite what some may say, it really wouldn�t have mattered if Owens had gotten kicked out of the game after that BS with the Giants DB, but make no mistake about it, I hope John Lynch lights his cocky ass up next game and then talks trash just to fuck with him some more. Of course, I wouldn�t be so mad if the fucking Giants hadn�t blown the goddamn 24 point lead and ruined any chance of me going 3-1 on my predictions. Rotten fuckers�

As far as the Browns game goes� BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! How the FUCK did that happen? It looked like Cleveland could do no wrong going into halftime, but I�ll be damned if they didn�t shrivel up and die almost as bad as the Giant Cocksuckers did. Granted, Holocomb did a great fucking job as QB by throwing for over 400 yards, but the defense just let them down in crunchtime with Maddox picking them apart at will up the middle. Congrats to the Steelers for advancing and here�s to the potential raping of Satan�s Team�(please� just take out McNair and end all this MVP/Pro Bowl snub talk, PLEASE!).

Obviously, next week�s gonna be fucking killer and I at least hope to see Mike Vick get laid the fuck out by the Philly defense. YEAH, BABY~!

Okay, enough sports talk, time to get down to business� it�s time for� THE NEWS!

The TSM Weekend Newsflash

Stasiak is Craziak

Contrary to popular internet rumors, Shawn Stasiak is NOT headed back to the WWE anytime soon and thank GOD for that. I�m not exactly sure on this, but can�t he get sued or something for spreading lies like that or can he just chalk it up to being incredibly fucking retarded and get off on a technicality?

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer

Rock is a WHAT?

Anahiem fans got a treat at last night�s house show when The Rock came back during the Booker T/Jericho match. Rocky supposedly got a the biggest pop due to the fact that he was totally unexpected, but also got some �sellout� chants due to the fact that some WWE fans are ignorant asses. Y�know, anytime I hear all this �sellout� crap, it reminds me of how pathetic some ECW fans were whenever guys like Sabu would jump to Japan just to make a few bucks more than the pennies Paul E. was dishing out and I can�t put into words how pathetic I think it all is because even though I don�t like him that much, I can respect Rock taking advantage of all the opportunities he�s had so far because Lord knows I would too. So, kudos to Rocky and a hearty �Fuck you� to the sellout chanters.

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer

USA Today snubs two legends

In a odd bit, the USA Today made a list of all the famous people who died during this past year and while Davey Boy Smith made the cut, wrestling legends Lou Thesz and Wahoo McDaniel got the boot. Not to upset Bob Barron, but come the FUCK ON! I know Bulldog was probably the last one to get some national TV time, but there�s NO REASON for Thesz or McDaniel to get snubbed like that when they both were bigger names in the business than Smith was.

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer

Saturn shows up in Japan

Perry Saturn has been listed as to being on every stop of New Japan�s Febuary 2003 tour. He was supposedly going to be signing a 1 year deal with All Japan which was to be announced during a press conference, but it didn�t happen for some reason. After doing the WWA Euorpean Tour, Perry has also done some work for Ultimo Dragon�s Toryumon promotion.

Please credit Mike Johnson of 1wrestling.com

Well, kiddies, that�s about it for this week, be sure to check back in next Sunday as I will hopefully be laughing at the misfortunes of the NY Jets and Satan�s Team�, a.k.a. the Tennesse Titans. Should be good times, people, so don�t miss it.

Of course I gotta pimp some: Check out RAW From JHawk�s Beak as poor Jared suffers through Triple H, Triple H, and more Triple H! Oh, and that cripple, Shawn Micheals, can�t forget that� As always, be sure to check out my fellow newsman, Dr. Tom, as he hits you with his Midweek News/Smackdown Report double shot, you know you want to, biatch�

Later, bootches!

Byron Vester
The SmartMarks.com
E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x�s)