Commentaries
On-site report: UWC Final Exam 2 (5/31/2003)
By Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Jun 1, 2003, 09:45

On-Site Report: UWC Final Exam 2 (5/31/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

Before you ask me "Do you ever do anything besides go to wrestling events," the answer is "Yes." But live indy wrestling is better than watching Raw, so I go to live shows whenever possible, including last weekend's HWA event. And last night, Akron, Ohio's North High School was the site of the United Wrestling Council's Final Exam 2 event.

The story so far: On April 26, "Even Colder" Mike Austin was defending the UWC Heavyweight Title against "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb in a best of three falls match. Austin took the first fall, and an upset Lieb knocked out the referee. Lieb took the second fall, and this time Austin took out the referee. So for the third fall, Lieb's longtime enemy "The Champ" John Potok was named the special referee...and he allowed Lieb to get away with a blatant brass knuckles shot to win the championship. That's when UWC President Bo Smirnow stepped in, declared the title vacant, and set up an eight man tournament for the championship.

Before the show, I bumped into loyal TSM reader Jesse Bowden, who took offense to my claim that Stacy Keibler was attainable. His reasoning: David Flair is Ric Flair's son, so he's rich. My theory is that she didn't have to sleep with him if it was for the money. His reply: "It's only prostitution if you get the money straight up."

I also talked with Ric Lieb quickly before the show to find out that Vinn Wilder was in a car accident and apparently wasn't doing well at last report, so my thoughts and prayers are out to his family and friends.

Showtime!

We begin at 7:09 with Mr. USA (cameraman Hollywood Hulk Hilliard), who goes through all of Hogan's mannerisms and claims that Hilliard is with Ohio Valley Wrestling preparing for his dream of being a WWE cameraman. Then we introduce the broadcast team of Chris the Brain and Dan Mason, who run tonight's card before introducing UWC President Bo Smirnow (w/UWC Heavyweight Title belt). Smirnow cuts a promo claiming that while some titles don't mean anything anymore, you can bet that the entire locker room would love a shot at this one. Out comes "The Champ" John Potok. He's in the tournament tonight, but first he has some gifts from Sony that he wants to give to the five loudest fans. So after bribing the crowd for a huge pop, he brings up five fans and gives them their gifts...job applications for Sony. Good stuff. Then we go through the usual bit when it comes tournament time, as here comes "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb to state his case. Then "Timebomb" Fred Potok. Then Jason Thunder, who simply wants Tack to show up...and sure enough, here comes Tack. Soon Pumper (w/"Sex Symbol" Keith Young) comes out to make his case...that he's been the champion all but three months of the UWC's existence. Before long, out comes Justin Diaz doing his gay gimmick, saying he's excited to see he's getting eight men in the ring tonight. "I'm excited, so why all the tension? Can't we all just get along?" Apparently not, as Pumper hits Diaz with a right hand to start the shortest pull-apart brawl in wrestling history. Good stuff early, but it started to drag near the end. Notice how only seven competitors came out? Remember that for later.

"Impromptu Match": Wilbur Whitlock vs. Shasta

Whitlock comes out unannounced and feels he was jobbed out of being in the tournament, even though this is his UWC debut. This brings out Shasta, who asks the crowd if they want to see Whitlock get his ass kicked. An OK opener with each man missing high-flying moves before Shasta hits a fireman's carry into a shoulderbreaker for the pin at 3:44.

One fall with a 10-minute time limit for the UWC Television Title: "Mr. UWC" Atlantis vs. Virus (champion)

At last month's show, Atlantis was defending the title against Virus when the match reached the ten minute time limit. Atlantis asked for five more minutes and lost the championship. This was scheduled to be "God's Creation" Shane Sensation getting the shot against Virus, but he was injured a few days prior to this, so Atlantis invoked his automatic rematch clause. A nice clean match between two faces, although Virus missed one dive to the floor by several feet. Before we can settle the issue, Darkstar and Unknown (w/Keith Young) run out and attack both men, causing a no contest in 5:06. They focus the attack on Atlantis to try to injure him before the tag team battle royal later on, but "High Impact" Bret Myers makes the save.

Tournament Time!

Quarterfinal: Jason Thunder vs. "The Daredevil of Extreme" Tack

At Challenged in March, Thunder's interference cost Tack the Hardcore Extreme Title. Last month, they were the last two remaining in the Sinful 7 match, which Tack won when Thunder was ruled unable to continue. I was shocked to see that this was largely a mat-based match, especially out of Tack, who busted out a surfboard and a variation of a bow-and-arrow out of an Indian deathlock. The finish came when Thunder hit a top-rope Rock Bottom, but made an arrogant cover and got turned into a crucifix for the Tack pin in 5:15. Good stuff here.

Quarterfinal: Pumper vs. Justin Diaz

Another one that dates back to March, where Diaz's distraction cost Pumper the Heavyweight Title. Pumper got revenge at Main Event Promotions' April Ambush, but on April 26, Diaz got a roll up in to pin Pumper. This is the rubber match. Pumper dominated most of the contest and had Diaz set up for a Pump Slam when Jebediah Yoder, Diaz's partner in the upcoming tag team battle royal, came out for a distraction, but Darkstar and Unknown ran out for a preemptive beatdown. Pumper joined in the beating to tease the countout, but returned to the ring to finish off Diaz with the Pump Slam in 5:37. Not bad.

Quarterfinal: "The Champ" John Potok vs. "Timebomb" Fred Potok

A battle of the brothers who have had an on-again off-again relationship, at one point holding the Tag Team Titles together. The Champ hasn't wrestled in over a year at this point. Stalling tactics to start, as the Champ doesn't want to lock up with Timebomb. When they finally do lock up, it's mostly to Timebomb's advantage, as he locks in a cobra clutch. The Champ struggles in the hold for at least two minutes until he armdrags out of it and covers Timebomb with his feet in the ropes to win the match at 5:13. Not good, but I might just think that because I was expecting Timebomb to go over.

Quarterfinal: "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb (w/fellow Four Henchmen Rip Cripple and Triple AAA) vs. "Even Colder" Mike Austin

Remember how one competitor was unaccounted for in the opening promo? That would be Even Colder, as we get word that he was assaulted in the parking lot and unable to compete. Therefore, Ric Lieb would receive a bye into the semifinals. Lieb pretends to wipe the sweat off his brow to sell how grueling the match was.

Here we take a 15-minute intermission, as Tack poses for Polaroids and Chef Meeker signs autographs as other wrestlers walk around to greet the fans.

Battle Royal for the UWC Tag Team Titles: Feature Presentation (Justin Dreams/Mikey Showtime) vs. Atlantis/Bret Myers vs. The Shadows of Darkness (Darkstar/Unknown) vs. Just Friends (Justin Diaz/Jebediah Yoder) vs. The Untouchables (Animal and Wolfman [substituting for K9]--champions)

Standard battle royal rules with the last man remaining winning the titles for his team. Order of elimination: Showtime, Wolfman (who went through the ropes but was eliminated anyway for some reason), Dreams, Unknown, Diaz, Myers, Yoder, and Animal. That leaves Atlantis and Darkstar. Darkstar tries to clothesline Atlantis over the top but can't get him over, so he does it again. Both men fall over the top rope, but Darkstar hangs on and pulls himself back into the ring to win the match and the titles for his team in 7:13. As a sidenote, Justin Dreams broke off his team with Showtime in a promo during the match. I don't get why the titles were put on the line in a match like this unless you were filling a vacancy, but at least they were trying something different. Battle royals usually suck, and this was no exception.

Semifinal: Ric Lieb (w/Rip Cripple/Triple AAA) vs. John Potok

The match begins with a handshake. Lieb does the Finger Poke of Doom, Potok falls, Lieb brags about his strength and covers, and Potok gets an inside cradle for a near fall. Lieb is PISSED, and Potok tells him "The deal's off, because I want the title." The match goes out to the floor fairly quickly, with Lieb grabbing his trademark platters off of some fans to level Potok with (remember this for later). Decent match overall, with Lieb winning with a fireman's carry into an Ace crusher dubbed the "4H" (short for Four Henchmen, before anyone asks).

Semifinal: Pumper (w/Keith Young) vs. Tack

Way too short. Pumper is cheating pretty much at will and locks in a chokehold on Tack. Instead of counting to five, the referee tries to pull Pumper off of Tack. Pumper tosses the referee aside really lightly, and the referee disqualifies him at 2:46. Bad move, as Pumper dumps Tack over the top rope. Tack aggravates a previous rib injury as a result of the fall. So hitting a guy with a platter while two guys are holding him is legal, but tossing a referee aside when the referee has a hold of you is an automatic DQ? Good angle at any rate.

For the UWC Hardcore Extreme Championship: Chef Meeker vs. Phattie Dattie (champion)

Each man brings out his own trash can of goodies, although Chef Meeker's is mostly food products, particularly lasagna noodles and green onions. Dattie has his usual kendo stick and plastic Mr. T head, and he is being dragged to the ring on a cart that is also carrying an empty beer keg. Entertaining "brawl", with pretty much every "weapon" being used in the match. At one point, Chef Meeker tries to throw corn starch into Dattie's eyes, but Dattie uses his gorilla slippers to superkick it back into Meeker's eyes. The end comes when Meeker uses his 430 pounds to do a twisting splash onto Dattie for the pin and the title at 8:50. Fun, but you know if WWE tried this exact same thing about 90% of the fans would have taken it way too seriously. Postmatch, Phattie Dattie shares a Subway sandwich with Meeker as a way of keeping the peace, then tries to strap the belt around Meeker's waist, but it doesn't come close to fitting.

Local DJ Keith Kennedy keeps Meeker in the ring in order to draw out the winning 50/50 raffle ticket. No, I didn't win. Thanks for rubbing it in!

Final Match in the tournament for the vacant UWC Heavyweight Title: Ric Lieb vs. Tack

Before the match, Lieb tells his fellow Four Henchmen that he doesn't need them at ringside. "And it's not because Tack is injured. It's because it's Tack!" Tack comes out and does a great job of selling the ribs. Lieb: "What's the matter? Got a bellyache?" Note that this is the same referee who disqualified Pumper in his semifinal match with Tack. Standard stuff early on, as Lieb claims cheating every time Tack gets any offense in, and Tack sells the ribs with every offensive move a la Ricky Steamboat. Eventually Rip Cripple and Triple AAA make their way to ringside and double team Tack while Lieb has the referee distracted, and all hell breaks loose. Tack is able to knock Lieb cold, then works over both of the cornermen, putting them through separate tables. But at this point Lieb's had at least five minutes to recover. Shouldn't Tack have been counted out at some point? I assume they let it go since it was the finals, but it wasn't announced as a no DQ match. Anyway, Lieb regains the advantage and hits the 4H, but instead of covering, he tells the crowd they deserve to see Tack get two. Tack avoids the second one, lands on his feet behind Lieb, and rolls him up into a beautiful cradle for the pin and the title in 16:04 to a nice pop. Lieb looks shocked in the corner as president Smirnow hands the belt to Tack the faces come out for the celebration. Easily the best match of the night, with a solid combination of wrestling and brawling to please everybody.

Smirnow says something about a July return date that you couldn't hear over the crowd, and we're out.

Overall, another solid outing by the wrestlers of the UWC. OK, a lot of these guys aren't exactly the most technically sound wrestlers in the world, but they all bust their asses to put on the best show they possibly can, and they usually deliver. The angles make sense, the action's entertaining, and the talented guys go over...if WWE could follow that basic formula, we wouldn't be begging for NWATNA to get that TV deal.

If the July date isn't July 19, I'm sure I'll be there to cover it. Until then, join me later this week for ROH Road to the Title and then again on Thursday for SmackDown!

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