SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (8/14/2003)
By Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Aug 14, 2003, 22:32

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (8/14/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

E-Mail of the Week: Eddie sent me this one overnight after last week.

Well you probably dont care but i saw you mentioned the cruserweight title that rey held during 1999 in WCW he never got to defend it on nitro or thunder until late august but he did defend it on house shows and on WCWSN and WORLDWIDE mostly against nameless indy stars some luchadors and kidman i remember well his title reign because i was a huge mark of WCW back then mostly due to the fact that i thought wrestling was real back would too if u lived on an island on the caribbean.

P.S why did not you jokes on anybody this week??

While Eddie is right about Rey's WCW Cruiserweight Title defenses, a few things need to be factored in. Worldwide was taped so far in advance at the time that half the time "title matches" involved guys who weren't anywhere near the title at the time the show was taped. Most of the time title changes at WCW house shows were completely ignored. Basically, WCW Saturday Night was the only place Rey was actually defending the title, but WCWSN was to fans in summer of 1999 what Velocity is to WWE fans in summer 2003...something for only the diehard fans who tape everything and/or fans who never have a date on Saturday nights.

And was I just dry last week or something, because I didn't realize I wasn't insulting anybody? The trouble with actually liking the show, I guess.

Forums Quote of the Week: Another thing: Aside from Shane, name ONE GUY that the Big Shane bump has helped.

Answer: no one.

It didn't shoot Blackman into the stratosphere. Angle was no better or worse after his Shane feud.

But Shane's stock went right up, didn't it?

Shane is, quite simply, fucking someone out of a PPV paycheck to satisfy his own ego. He's just as bad as his father or sister.

Tonight: Despite UPN itself not actually having news coverage, Cleveland's UPN and CBS affiliates share local newscasters and have both been runnning the exact same blackout coverage since about 5pm, and as such, I have absolutely no clue exactly when SmackDown is actually going to air locally. Around 9:15 they finally put something on the screen saying "Rebroadcast info to come", and you'd think that since you had over an hour to look at your programming schedule for the next few days that it wouldn't be too difficult to just say when it would be back on. Oh well. The funny thing is that anybody who was directly affected by this couldn't actually see the coverage since they couldn't turn their TVs on, but somehow I think they were aware they didn't have any power. Funny line of the night: "We know only about 10 percent of our viewing area has power right now, so most of you can't hear us, but if you can and you have no power..."

My only true question: Why do these things always happen when SmackDown's supposed to be on? Who Wants To Marry My Dad never gets preempted, but it seems like every week there's either a weather watch scrolling on the bottom of the screen or a delay for some catastrophe that doesn't directly affect anybody who is watching at that specific moment. OK, I'm babbling, but I have nothing wrestling related to talk about.

So with my local coverage of SmackDown likely being delayed until Saturday or Sunday afternoon, I unfortunately have to give you the thumbnail results based off of the spoiler reports. It either that or wait until Monday or so to post this, and I actually have a life on the weekends, dammit!

These are lifted from, who in turn lifted them from

The opening interview segment features Vince McMahon introducing "the real Brock Lesnar", who rants about how he used Angle. Out comes Stephanie McMahon, which leads to Vince signing Steph vs. A-Train for tonight. I'm starting to like that I missed this show already.

The World's Greatest Tag Team successfully retain the WWE Tag Team Championship against Rey Misterio Jr. and Billy Kidman when Kidman is pinned by a Charlie Haas roll up after taking a Shelton Benjamin superkick.

Danny Basham pinned Billy Gunn following a Basham Brothers double team, then the Bashams and Shaniqua beat down Gunn and Torrie Wilson until Jamie Noble and Nidia ran out for a failed save.

The APA reopen for business, with Faarooq stealing Bradshaw's line from a recent Velocity that Shaniqua is actually Shelton Benjamin in drag.

The Big Show beat The Undertaker by countout after A-Train laid out Taker with a piece of wood. Undertaker had his ribs worked on backstage after the match.

Eddy Guerrero and Chris Benoit both come out for commentary as Tajiri beats Rhyno with the roundhouse kick after reversing an Irish whip into an exposed turnbuckle. Postmatch, Benoit wants Eddy to make the low rider bounce and Eddy freaks.

Officially confirmed Summerslam matches were Angle/Brock, Taker/A-Train, and a Fatal Fourway with Tajiri/Benoit/Guerrero/Rhyno for the US Title.

John Cena counters a flying bodypress into an F-U to pin Zach Gowen. Gowen is once again beaten down by Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore after the match.

Spanky's chocolate syrup chugging goes awry, and he accidentally gets some on Vince McMahon. McMahon takes it the wrong way, Spanky makes some XFL cracks, and Vince signs Spanky vs. Lesnar.

Spanky defeats Brock Lesnar by disqualification following a chair shot and is beaten down afterwards. Spanky bleeds in what's described as "one of the grossest bladejobs I think I've ever seen" and is carried out on a stretcher.

Vince introduces Sable as the guest ring announcer for the "main event".

Steph attacks Sable before the main event, but out comes A-Train, which brings out The Undertaker, so the show ends in a big schmozz.

Um...this show looks absolutely awful, thanks for asking. I think I'm fortunate for the blackout.

Not that there's much to e-mail me about, but you can send the feedback here if you'd like.

© Copyright by