From TheSmartMarks.com

Wrestling
Psychic or Psycho?
By Matt Ditaliano
Sep 21, 2003, 01:30

Hi Everybody!

(Hi Loser Matt!)

Why, thank you. I think.

Anyway, seeing as I�m fucking sick and can�t get out, I felt now was as good a time as any to debut and try out my new idea for a column on the site. Yep, I actually have a somewhat original idea. Somewhat because, well, it has been done before in a lot of different settings (But never, to my knowledge, on this site.) That doesn�t mean it will definitely come off as a cheap knock off, or anything, but it won�t exactly light the world on fire with its freshness.

Anyway, if I want to credit anyone for sparking an idea in my head, it�s Retro Rob. His weekly Booking Report, a fine read by the way, has inspired me to try something similar, but at the same time, very different. Like his �Week in Review� style columns, I plan on doing a �Month in Review� at the end of every month, but, as you�ll obviously see, I�m also going to do a Monthly Preview column, starting today with my October preview.

Another big difference is that while most people would preview or review events, I�m going to deal with certain superstars. Each month I�ll pick the top ten personalities from Raw and the top ten from Smackdown (Naturally, since I�m lazy, I�ll split them into separate Raw and Smackdown column) and proceed to detail what I think each of these ladies, gentlemen or BAH GAWD EVIL SONOFABITCH MONSTERS THAT SHOULD BURN IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE BOILIEST PARTS OF HELL, BAH GAWD will do and what I think they should do.

At the end of each month, I will again do two separate columns for Raw and Smackdown. Here I will go over what transpired over the month for each guy and compare it against. both sets of predictions. If I totally bombed, which I undoubtedly will, I�ll definitely call myself out. Of course, you will have to hear my cynical and jaded opinions on what actually transpired. I mean, that�s just a given. How can I do a column without complaining?

Don�t answer that.

Okay, now, in my ingenious plan, there lays one big problem. I�ve decided to start this whole project towards the end of a month, so I can�t really do a preview on September. However, since this is a pretty decent time of month to start an October preview, I shall do it. I�m doing Smackdown tonight and Raw like tomorrowish. I also plan on doing a September month in review sometime in the beginning of October. Obviously, that will be much different than what the final MIR will look like. Expect the system to fully kick in at the end of October/beginning of November. If this confuses you, hopefully you�ll understand once I get rolling.

Personally, I think that�s enough of an explanation, so let�s move on to the first edition of The Not-So-Inside Scoop!

Smackdown
October 2003


I personally think that October 2003 will be seriously different. I think only one of the current championships will stay with its current owner(s) all month. On the flip side, I see almost no turns, heel, face or otherwise. Almost everyone will stick to his or her current allegiances, save maybe one person. And to find out who that may be, read on, because here is where I hit the Smackdown top ten! Yay!

The Top Ten Smackdown Personalities for 10/03


1. Brock Lesnar: Duh. Brock, the new world champion and biggest heel on the brand is number one on my list. No shock there.

Brock�s character is dramatically different from the monster that he played all of last year. He shows vulnerability. He cheats. He whines. He loses. A lot. I, like many others, think this is going to hurt him more than anything, but I don�t think he�s really going to get hit hard until after he loses the belt, which should be at Wrestlemania. Obviously, that doesn�t affect tonight�s short-term column, so at this point, who cares?

What he will do: I�m pretty much willing to bet that Brock is on his way to an Undertaker feud. The two of them have been on a collision course of sorts since Summerslam, with Brock doing evil stuff and Taker doing noble stuff or something along those lines. I don�t know what exactly, because I can�t be forced to care about another Undertaker/Lesnar feud. The fought last year, Brock showed he was superior, Taker admitted it, end of story, Buh-bye. Of course, that�s never the case so we�re stuck with this. Brock and Taker will end up headlining No Mercy for the second year in a row. I�d probably pick it to be a streetfight. Leading up to the pay per view, we�re going to be seeing a lot of variations of Taker/Kurt vs. Brock/Cena, just to piss everyone off.

Basically, Vince McMahon will be a thorn in Undertaker�s side the entire time, costing him matches against Brock and company, and making Brock look worthless. This will culminate when Vince is the only reason Brock keeps his belt at the PPV.

What he should do: Sometime within the next two weeks, Brock and Eddy have to get into a minor altercation. Make it obvious that seeds for a feud are being planted and gauge the crowd. That night, have Brock demolish Eddy from behind, costing him and Chavo the tag titles. The next week, have him make Eddy lose the US title. Eddy absolutely flips out, and beats the tar out of Brock backstage, possibly throwing him off a high place or something like that. Over the next two or three weeks, have them constantly go at each other, only to be torn apart by referees, which they then proceed to beat up. This causes Stephanie to book them in an �unsanctioned� match at No Mercy. This isn�t the typical unsanctioned match with a ref and rules and all that jazz (has anyone figured out how that works anyway? A ruleless match with rules?) This would be closer to Austin/Rikishi at No Mercy 03, except there has to be a clear cut winner. Eddy wins the match when he incapacitates Lesnar, but Vince pulls a fast one and alerts him that a title can�t change hands unless the champ is pinned or made to submit. Eddy beats Vince up and a rematch is signed for Survivor Series.

2. Kurt Angle:Yeah, I know, shock of all shocks, the former champion is number two. It will even out later, I promise.

What he will do: Around next week, John Cena will come out and start insulting Kurt for losing his title. That same night, John outcheats Eddy by hiring Chavo to turn on him and wins the US title. Angle runs out and makes the save. They then start an unspeakably bad feud based mainly on bad comedy, with little twinges of �I want respect� thrown in. Think Angle/Edge from the Spring of last year. This all leads to No Mercy where Angle soundly defeats Cena, getting Kurt stuck with a midcard title, sending Cena spiraling down the card and just generally accomplishing nothing. Don�t look at me like that. The WWE does that ALL the time.

What he should do: Remember that confrontation that Kurt had with the Undertaker after Summerslam? Yeah, well build on that. Have Kurt blow Taker�s chance at the title next week which causes the two men to get in each other�s faces. Then really build up the feud based on their submission holds. Have Kurt go over various midcarders with the anklelock, while Taker uses his various MMA type holds to beat the likes of Albert and The FBI. Each show, air a little vignette detailing the effectiveness of each move. Don�t do the corny �fake doctor explains the moves.� Have superstars describe the pain, show little diagrams, do little things like that. Make these submission holds look truly dangerous, and build them as the focus of the No Mercy match without making it a submission match. At the PPV, the match should end in some sort of draw, be it time limit when they both have holds locked in, or double pass out. Continue the submission build up through November so you can do a submission match at Survivor Series.

3. The Undertaker Dead Man�.Er� already covered. Since Brock covered what he will do and Angle took care of what he should, this will be fairly short.

What he will do: Feud with Vince McMahon. Isn�t he the lucky Red Devil? Well, actually he�s gonna feud with Vince by way of Brock Lesnar. Undertaker will basically make Brock his bitch over and over again, only to have Vince save him time after time. Taker, will of course, repeatedly try and get Vince over and over again, only to be foiled by the mighty power of Albert and Sable. At No Mercy, just as he looks to secure the win, Vince will cost him the win, possibly by hitting him with a shovel so they can set up that God forsaken Buried Alive match in November. I actually feel bad for �ol Mark.

What he should do: Feud with Kurt Angle. Taker really should establish the dominance of ONE submission hold rather that six or so. Of course, it�s great to have the other five handy, but he should bring one to the top as his main submission. I wouldn�t be shocked to see the return of Taker Care of Business. In this time Undertaker should also dispose of Vince once and for all, taking him off TV for six months. End the Vince threat without really wasting The Undertaker on Vince�s fantasies.

4. LATIIIIIIIIIIIINO HEAT! Dang, that song was SO much better than Eddie�s current it�s not even funny What moron decided to change it? It�s now even more stereotypically Spanish and not nearly as good. Okay, I�m ranting.

What he will do: If The World�s Greatest Tag Team isn�t, you know, dead after the last show, they will continue to feud Eddie and Chavito. They�ll cost Eddie his US title and eventually beat Chavo and Eddie for the tag belts.

If Shelton and Charlie can�t fight, Chavito is gonna have some �splaining to do, because he is almost certainly turning on Eddie and costing him the US title to John Cena. Like most WWE turns, this will have no real rhyme or reason. Chavo will probably make some offhand remark that no one remembers the next week so WWE apologists can point and say, �He DID give a reason!� Both men will undoubtedly lift this feud out of the gutter and make it special with mic work, facials, and of course, ringwork. Eddy will beat him and actually probably move on to Brock in November. Eddie and Chavo will inexplicably be teaming again by the end of the year. As heels, natch.

What he should do: Bypass Chavo and move straight to Brock. Have insane Brock target Eddie for two straight weeks, costing him both his titles. Then, since we aren�t gonna avoid the stereotypical nonsense anyway, have Eddie get his �Latino Temper� going and have him just lay out Brock, and enter each week leading up to the pay per view completely ready to trash Brock, with Brock equally furious. They�ll beat up referees and stagehands to get at each other, until Stephanie makes the unsanctioned match where Eddy wins but gets screwed on a technicality. Hopefully at this point, the crowd is extremely hot for Eddy, because he�s winning it all (at least for a short time) in a month.

5 and 6. The World�s Greatest Tag Team: Yeah, they occupy two spots, but saying the same thing twice is stupid.

NOTE: Obviously, this is assuming that Charlie and Shelton are healthy in October. If not, well, that would suck.

What they will do: Charlie and Shelton are going to get their belts back almost as soon as they lost them, because I believe they beat Eddie and Chavo either next week or the week after that when Chavo turns on Eddy. TWGTT will have precious little time to celebrate, however, because their new opponents are on the horizon. Is it Billy and Rey ready for round three? Of course not! What were you thinking? It�s the APA!

Weren�t you all just dying to see Bradshaw resume the �Shelton is Shaniqua in drag.� Storyline? Huh? Huh Huh? No, of course not. This miserable story arc will be filled with horrible comedy, fake pictures, and I�m sure an evening gown match at some point. The horrid feud will end when the APA soundly defeats The World�s Greatest Tag Team in early November. Yay.
What they should do: They still win the tag titles, but only when Brock costs Eddie the match. They�ll also still face the APA, but win soundly when Benjamin kills Bradshaw. From here they just defeat tag teams every week, and put on amazing matches every week, before getting mixed up with Kidman and Rey again. As you will soon see, Rey will be feuding with John Cena, so I�d build up a three-on-two handicapped match at No Mercy, Cena/Charlie/Shelton vs. Kidman and Rey with some stupid �If Rey beats Cena, he wins the belt stipulation.� Obviously, the heels will win by nefarious means.

7. Rey Mysterio: Speak of the Devil. Get it? Rey wore horns at one point and�

Never mind.

What he will do: Rey will spend much of the month feuding with Tajiri. This in itself is not a bad thing. The matches would be great, the heat should be fairly awesome and they should get a good amount of time. I just don�t think it should go all month. Rey will probably lose the belt next week to the evil Jap (Before I get e-mails, not malice was intended) and seek revenge all month, with Tajiri keeping himself two steps ahead of Rey the entire time. Each time Rey thinks he has him, Tajiri will pull something else out of his bag of tricks. He�ll do the fake substitution, the deliberate DQ, the deliberate countout, he�ll force draws and generally be the Japanese Christian.

Rey will finally meet up with him at No Mercy, where Tajiri out cheats him and moves on. Rey will stay somewhat in the hunt, but more or less move on without direction for most of November.

What he should do: When John Cena starts his white power movement, have Rey confront him about what it truly means to be an American. Have him rip Cena apart and praise the melting pot nature of America. This infuriates Cena who attacks Rey before his title defense against Tajiri. Rey is easy pickins for Tajiri who wins the cruiserweight title right away. Rey is furious. Of course, no one knows how Cena finds Tajiri to be more American than Rey, and frankly, no one cares.

After Brock causes Cena to win the title, Rey comes out and beats the crap out of Cena with the US title, sending Cena into retreat. Both men start to dress in American colors (not over the top, just subtle). Rey keeps professing his Americanism, and Cena keeps verbally dragging him down and refusing to give him a title shot. Cena picks up to �Real American� friends in TWGTT and they beat Rey up every week until Kidman makes the save for him. The three on two match is made for No Mercy, where Cena smashes Rey with the American flag and pins him. Rey stays on Cena�s tail and finally wins at Survivor Series.

8. John Cena: Yep, you know most of this story.

What he will do: Cena will start a horrible comedy feud with Angle after Chavo gets him the US title. Bad rapping, stupid pictures, and Angle making an imbecile of himself will be the �highlights� of this putrid thing. Nothing of any worth will get accomplished for wither guy, as a Angle win will just kill Cena�s momentum while saddling Angle with a midcard belt.

What he should do: Cena will start a mission to cleanse America of all those who he deems UnAmerican (Latinos). This will start with eddy, but Rey will get himself involved by calling out Cena and demanding that he take his anti-Latino comments. Cena will refuse, and to add insult to injury, cost Rey his Cruiserweight title. He will also take Eddie�s belt when Brock screw�s Eddie, causing himself to feel even more justified as a �real American� he will wear more red, white and blue �thug wear� and continue to play up his �real American� status while tormenting Rey who is trying to fight back. This will lead to hiring of TWGTT, who helps Cena humiliate Rey until Kidman shows up. Cena offers to put his belt up in a handicapped match if Rey can beat him. John, of course, cheats his way to victory and continues the chase for another month.

9. Tajiri: The *EVIL* JAPANESE BUZZSAW! He�s evil because he�s Japanese, not because he�s a buzzsaw.

What he will do: Tajiri will feud with Rey all month. The matches, like I said earlier, will be great, but I see better things for both of them, Tajiri will probably win next week, just to give this feud a reason to continue. He will then proceed to use his SNEAKY JAPANESE POWERS~! To outwit Rey at every turn. He will have to sneak attack him at least once a week, so Cole can scream �PEARL HARBOR! TAJIRI PEARL HARBORED REY!� many times. So we remember how evil dem Japanese are. Tajiri will hold the title straight to No Mercy, where he sneaks by Rey again, cementing himself as both Japanese and evil. Noble Japanese like Funaki and Dragon will have nothing on him.

But seriously, he�ll just be in random cruiser matches for like a month.


What he should do: After picking up a sneaky win thanks to Cena incapacitating Rey, Tajiri goes on a tear, cheating to beat Cruisers on Velocity and Smackdown. He smacks them with the belt, mists them all evilly (Unlike the unevil misting from two months ago) and loads his boots. Suddenly, Ultimo Dragon emerges from whatever rock they�ve been hiding him under and emerges to stop the terror, beating him for the title the week before No Mercy. Tajiri cheats to win it back at the pay per view, but Ultimo continues his quest and chases him for the rest of the year.

And finally,

10. Chris Benoit
: You thought I forgot him, didn�t you? Sorry, but even number ten is stretching it with Benoit right now.


What he will do: Benoit will continue this absolutely horrible feud with Rhyno going for the whole month. Nothing of note ever happens in this feud. They just keep on fight until some undetermined date trading off wins and costing each other matches until no one cares anymore (Sure, no one cares now, but I mean absolutely no one). At which point Benoit starts feuding with Albert.

What he should do: Okay, this is gonna seem weak, but really, it�s all that I have left for him. Benoit and Rhyno finally end their feud in a falls count anywhere match next week. Rhyno moves on to feud with a lower face. At this point, Albert starts his attacks. He attacks again the next week, this time with Big Show in tow. The following week, Benoit propositions to Chavo, who is without a partner since Eddy is after Brock, to help him fight the twin menace of Team Slow Train. Chavo agrees. Benoit and Chavo lay Team Slow Train out at the pay per view. The next Smackdown, they answer a Haas and Benjamin open challenge, and get into a huge brawl with The World�s Greatest Tag Team. They feud until the Royal Rumble, trading the belts back and forth a couple times.

Yeah, that was weak.

That was also the end of my first Monthly Preview. (I really need a name for these things.) I actually had a fun time wasting five hours of my life doing this.

Thank God it�s only once a month.

I�ve got to do one tomorrow, don�t I?

::slams head into wall::

It will be up sometime this week, I promise.

Ditaliano
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