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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (10/2/2003) Segment 1 Taped 9/30/2003 from the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin! Michael Coleslaw and Tazz at ringside, as The Undertaker and Kurt Angle battle Brock Lesnar and John Cena in tonight's main event! But first... One fall for the WWE United States Championship: Eddy Guerrero (champion--w/Chavito Guerrero) vs. Matt Hardy v.1.0 (w/Shannon Moore v.0.75) Did you know that Matt has gotten out of over 20 tickets? That's a lot of homosexual cops to flirt with. Guerrero immediately goes to work on Hardy and pounds on him in the corner. A quick shove for referee Jimmy Korderas. Dropkick. Stomps. Hardy with some punches to come back. Eddy with a shoulderblock. Back suplex, and Eddy is favoring the ribs after last week's multiple beatdowns. Elbow. Eddy to the apron, and Mooroe grabs the ankle, which stops Eddy long enough for Matt to do a front-layout suplex onto the top rope. Matt focuses the attack on the ribs. Corner whip for 2. Eddy fighting back, but Hardy gets a power bomb (and nearly injures his own leg) for a series of two counts. Side Effect for 2. Hardy pulls back on Eddy's arm and puts his head between Eddy's shoulders for leverage as the crowd begins to chant for Eddy. Eddy reverses and turns it into a swinging neckbreaker. Matt with an elbowsmash for 2. Front slam for 2. Elbowdrop for 2. Boot choke as Matt shouts "I'm v.1-uh!" Eddy avoids another elbow, then goes into the rolling vertical suplexes. Eddy still favoring the ribs, but he signals for the Frog Splash anyway. Matt with a punch to avoid it, then two more, and there's a superplex. Whip, reversal, Matt with a boot to the face. Eddy charges to avoid a flying legdrop and hits a top-rope rana for 2. Eddy counters a Side Effect into a form of an Oklahoma roll for 2. Hardy brings in Chavo to distract the referee, and Moore comes in to hit Eddy with the belt. He gets dropkicked, then Eddy tosses Matt the belt and pretends to get hit. Korderas sees Hardy with the belt, but doesn't disqualify Matt. But as he removes the belt, Chavo comes in and gloms Matt with one of the tag belts, and then it's frog splash and pin for the champion at 8:23. ***1/4 Two matches signed for No Mercy, and we'll discuss them later. Oh yay. COMMERCIAL BREAK Wouldn't you much rather see every opening segment start with a super hot match like that one instead of some boring interview? Yeah, me too. (If you said no, contact Vince McMahon, as he might have a job for you.) Some good stuff here, although they need to be really careful when they run with that type of finish, because they'll eventually run the risk of nobody caring about it. They hadn't done it in a few weeks, I know, but they still need to be careful. Good stuff here, and I'd like to see this become a full program sooner rather than later. Segment 2 We're in Milwaukee with a tag team main event tonight, but Saturday, tickets for WrestleMania XX went on sale, and all of you who got them can go straight to hell. Except The Dames, since he's paying the bills here at TSM. Josh Mathews interviews John Cena, and Josh mentions Cena's "dope rhymes" from last week. He's got street cred, yo. Cena's tired of standing in Kurt's shadow and will reverse roles by the end of the night. Los Guerreros celebrate and run into The Too Damn Big Show, and Eddy wants to know if the sneak attack last week was personal. Show doesn't like "your kind". He likes the food, but not Eddy. And he tosses Eddy into Chavo for no apparent reason. COMMERCIAL BREAK Let's get this clear. Cena vs. Angle: good (despite what certain posters at TSM might have you believe). Show vs. Eddy: bad unless Eddy somehow goes over. Not much else to say, really. Segment 3 During the break, Chavo wants to know why Eddy didn't do anything about Show's shove, so Eddy shoves him into a garage door and will take care of it Guerrero style. That brings a smile to Chavo's face. Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: The APA vs. The Brothers Basham (w/Shaniqua) Bradshaw gives financial advice on the Fox News Channel Saturday at 10:30am. We barely mention Austin on Jimmy Kimmel Live until after it airs, but we hype that. *sigh* The APA attacks the Bashams (and they're the good guys?). Doug Basham takes a tumble over the ring steps. In the ring, it's Faarooq and Danny Basham. Elbow by Faarooq, Doug tags in, and Faarooq takes him down with a drop toehold. Tag to Bradshaw, and a back suplex/neckbreaker combo gets 2. Forearms by Bradshaw. Last Call, but Doug grabs Bradshaw's tights and brings him to the floor. Shaniqua attacks, and Danny attacks from behind. In goes Bradshaw, and Doug covers for 2. Tag to Danny, and a double team. Boot choke. Tag and a double team. Boot choke. Snap mare into a sleeperhold. Bradshaw breaks it with a back suplex. Tag on each side, and Faarooq gets a sidewalk slam for 2. Down goes referee Mike Chioda, and Bradshaw shoulderblocks Doug to the floor. Thumb to the eye leads to Shaniqua kicking Bradshaw in the face, and the Bashams get the Ball and Gag on Faarooq, leading to Danny getting the pin at 4:35. * Postmatch, Bradshaw shoves Shaniqua down and levels her with a Clothesline from Hell to an awesome pop. Is Bradshaw still bitter about that game of P-I-G on Confidential? COMMERCIAL BREAK Not a great match by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just confused as to whether they were trying to put the Bashams over by giving them the win, or if they were trying to put Bradshaw over by having him take out Shaniqua. Segment 4 A-Train is going to join the broadcast team for our next contest, which can only mean... One fall: Chris BeNOIT vs. Charlie Haas Benoit vs. A-Train is official for No Mercy. But it doesn't have any McMahons! Shelton Benjamin is scheduled to be back in two weeks. Lockup, stalemate. Haas with a legtrip and a quick cover. Benoit with a hammerlock, and Haas counters into a toehold. Hammerlock by Haas. Benoit out of it with an arm wringer. Haas counters into an armbar. Benoit into a facelock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, headlock takedown. Haas into a front facelock. Sweet counter by Benoit into a facelock, and into a variation of the surfboard. Haas out of it and beginning to brawl to take control. Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface, but Haas dumps him to the floor, then Haas takes advantage of A-Train's distraction to glom Benoit. Back into the ring, and Haas continues to brawl. Short clothesline for 2. Into an armbar. Series of forearms by Benoit. Haas with a dropkick for 2. Bodyslam into the turnbuckle. Benoit caught in the Tree of Woe, and Haas kicks away before hitting a running knee to the midsection. And again. A series of stomps. Modified abdominal stretch. Benoit elbows out and goes a backslide, but Haas counters...and Benoit counters into a German suplex. Haas counters a second German with a drop toehold, and Benoit reaches the ropes to avoid a submission hold. Benoit with snake eyes and a clothesline from behind, then a release German suplex for 2. Benoit into the rolling German, then into the sharpshooter, and Haas reaches the ropes. Haas dumps Benoit on his head with a belly-to-belly suplex, but Benoit quickly locks Haas into a Crippler Crossface. A-Train runs in for the DQ at 8:25, then he locks Benoit into the Crippler Crossface. Benoit's tapping...*sigh*. At least they're putting the move over. Good match before the run-in. **3/4 COMMERCIAL BREAK That's two really solid matches on this show so far, and while I normally wouldn't approve of someone like Haas resorting to brawling, it made sense here, as he couldn't get the advantage by wrestling Benoit, so he made an adjustment. What worries me is the likelihood that A-Train will go over Benoit at No Mercy, which might not bother me if they're serious about pushing him rather than just making him look good to be fodder for somebody else. Notice how in the ads for Lita's book, she actually looks ten times hotter than every other time we've seen her lately? Segment 5 Luckily we're getting the McMahon family egofuck out of the way before the final segment this week, as Mr. McAsshole (w/No Longer Able Sable) comes to the ring for the obligatory overly long interview segment. Vince is offering someone a second chance, because with all the mistakes people make day in and day out (including the asshole chant that broke out), we all need a second chance. Vince is giving his daughter a second chance: Cancel the WWE Title match at No Mercy so we don't have to deal with the "I Quit" Match. And if she resigns as GM, that's cool too. Well, that's too polite and more like a demand. And Vince goes for cheap heat by calling the crowd quitters. Stephanie McBitch makes her way to the ring, and things are busting out all over. Christ, they're bigger than Sable's now. That's sad, really. She appreciates the time to think about it, but she's not changing nothing. Look a bit harder at her breasts, Vince, go ahead. Vince adds a stipulation that if Steph loses, she quits her job as GM. But she doesn't realize that she's making a loving father like Vince beat down his own daughter. I hope for their sake there isn't an increase in father/daughter domestic abuse cases over the next month. Vince plays the "I watched you grow up" card...this would be almost comical if it wasn't so fucking boring. Why, Steph, why? So Vince vows to strike down the face of defiance. Well, at least it's quotable. Sable tells Vince not be so hard on himself and just to think of Steph as a disrespectful little bitch. Steph wants Sable to butt out and do what she does best..."go to the men's locker room and lay flat on your back". That leads to a catfight and Vince grabbing Steph by the hair...and there's a bodyslam. The crowd boos...and The Undertaker comes in to make the save and knock Vince down with one punch. King Brock I runs in, but eats a boot to the face. COMMERCIAL BREAK When it's more fun to pretend the segment is being aired on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 that it is to watch it straight out, then it really is rather pointless. They tried to salvage it by building a little bit to Brock-Taker, but that doesn't disguise the fact that this was basically a hard sell for Vince vs. Steph, which doesn't actually put the talent over. Segment 6 The Big Show is lacing his boots, and some dude in a sombrero named Jose is trying to deliver burritos to Eddy Guerrero. Show steals them and decides to eat them himself. Gee, I wonder where this is going... Show licks one and asks for that one to be delivered to Eddy. One fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Tajiri Yoshihiro (champion) vs. Billy Kidman Mike Chioda warns Tajiri not to use the mist before the match ever starts. Kidman with a quick roll up for 2. Rana, and Tajiri goes to the floor for a Tastytake break...and Kidman dives onto the champion. Tajiri in the ring, and he kicks Kidman off the apron. Ouch! Back to the floor, and Tajiri targets Kidman's previously injured shoulder. Back in the ring, and Tajiri continues to work the left arm and shoulder. Hammerlock with a series of kneedrops to the shoulder. And back into the hammerlock. Kidman out of it, but a kick to the shoulder and a back kick to the shoulder knock Kidman back down. Another kick to the shoulder and a cover for 2. Tajiri continues to work on the arm. Back to the hammerlock. Corner whip, and Kidman tries to come back with kicks. Flying elbow smash, ducking an handspring elbow, and an enzuigiri gives the challenger a near fall. Kidman avoids a snake eyes, but doesn't avoid the back kick. Chop. A series of forearms by Kidman and a swinging bulldog, but Tajiri with another kick. A swinging DDT is countered into the BK Bomb for 2. Tajiri locks in the Tarantula. Kidman avoids a kick and hits a standing dropkick for a count of 2. Kidman is nearly whipped into Chioda, who moves, and as a result, he doesn't see Tajiri's low blow. A Buzzsaw Kick later, and Tajiri gets the pin at 5:44. **1/2 The tag team main event is still to come. COMMERCIAL BREAK Another solid matchup, which is becoming the norm for this show. I'd always like to see a few more minutes added to the cruiserweights, but they got some good stuff into this one with only six minutes to work with. Very nicely done. It's a bit odd that they didn't use this to build to a Tajiri-Rey Misterio Jr. rematch though. Segment 7 Yet another look at The Rundown. Tazz pretends he's The Rock to Cole's Seann William Scott and "punches" him. One fall: The Too Damn Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan The burritos are backing up on Show already. Kick to the midsection by Show, but Show holds his stomach. So Jordan begins focusing on Show's gut, as if he can miss that target. Show with a short clothesline, and he rolls out of the ring and heads to the back. Jordan wins via countout at 1:33 as Cole finally figures it out. So much for that string of good matches. DUD COMMERCIAL BREAK This wasn't funny when Dusty Rhodes tried to use it to his advantage in the Kiss My Ass Match at WCW Greed (did anybody but me ever see that show?), and it's not funny now either. Unless you're the Farrelly Brothers. What a waste of time. Segment 8 Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker will be in the same ring tonight. And Zach Gowen is on the cover of the new WWE Magazine, and he's "live" via from Detroit. He's feeling better than The Big Show, but he's not 100%. He's rehabbing the leg and trying to get his head back on straight, but he's tired of fans asking if he's sure the wrestling thing is for him. He's back in the ring next week to prove it. Show's in the restroom, and there's Eddy to taunt him because he's in there. Eddy takes responsibility for Show being in the john, as he put his own "special sauce" in those burritos. Oh, and he stole the toilet paper too. But hey, you can wipe your ass with the door. God, keep this garbage on Raw. John Cena is on his way to the ring for our main event. Cena cuts a freestyle, saying that everyone pays to see him and he's the reason it's cool to cheer the bad guys. Oh, and like Big Show, you can't stop his shit. COMMERCIAL BREAK Zach Gowen turning heel? Or will they forget his comments by next week? The Show-Eddy thing still isn't funny. Not much else to say. Segment 9 Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: John Cena and King Brock I (WWE Champion) vs. My Olympic Hero and The Undertaker A "you tapped out" chant at the bell. Angle and Cena start. Snap mare into a headlock by Angle. Shoulderblock. Fireman's carry. Armdrag into an armbar. Cena starts pounding away at Angle. Whip, reversal, elbow by Cena, clothesline by Angle for 2. Tag to Taker, who goes to work on Cena's left shoulder. Arm wringer, shoulderdrive, Old School. And a shot for Lesnar for no apparent reason, although Lesnar avoids it. Tag to Angle. Cena fights back. Angle gets a backdrop and a clothesline. Whip, reversal, and Lesnar pulls the top rope down to send Angle down to the arena floor. Taker chases Lesnar on the floor... COMMERCIAL BREAK This hasn't really gone long enough for me to have an opinion on it yet. Segment 10 Angle is punching away at Lesnar. Hard powerslam by Brock. Elbowdrop for 2. Series of corner shoulderblocks. High Beell. Tag to Cena, who targets Angle's leg before working Angle's neck. Elbowsmash for 2, as Taker makes the save. Double chickenwing. Angle fighting back, but Cena gets a knee to the midsection for 2. Double team in the corner. Tag to Brock, who stomps away. Press slam. Kick to the midsection and a forearm to the back. Angle counters a press slam into a release German suplex. Both men down. Cena distracts Brian Hebner, so Hebner doesn't see Taker tag in. But Cena makes the illegal switch, which Hebner allows (and that bit annoys the hell out of me). Cena taunts Taker but walks into Angle's ankle lock, and Brock makes the save. Another illegal switch, so the legal man is back in the ring now. It balances out. Back suplex, and Taker makes the save at 2. Brock with a stomp. Angle fighting back, but he runs into a powerslam. Brock knocks Taker off the apron. Suplex attempt, but Angle counters with a small package for 2, then takes the champion down with an Angle Slam. Hot tag to Taker, tag to Cena, and Taker is a house of fire. Corner clotheslines for each heel. Snake Eyes and a clothesline for Brock, and there's a boot to Cena's face. Choke slam, but Brock makes the save at 2. Series of punches to Brock. Brock with knees to the midsection, but Taker connects with an elbow. Spinebuster by Brock, but Cena's still the legal man. Three men are down with Angle waiting on the apron for the tag. Taker makes the tag, and Angle clotheslines everybody. Belly-to-belly to Cena, but Brock cuts the momentum off until Angle takes him down with a belly-to-belly. Rolling Germans to Cena. Down go the straps! But Cena grabs the chain. Ankle Lock, and Lesnar makes the save. Taker begins punching away at Lesnar, but Cena levels Angle with the chain and covers for the pin at 16:49. *** Postmatch, Taker and Lesnar continue their brawl on the arena floor. Taker gets whipped knees first into the ringsteps, and it's table set up time. F5 is countered, and Taker choke slams Brock through the table. Cue his music. END OF SHOW They did the right thing with this one. They let Angle play face-in-peril and take the bulk of the punishment to maximize the quality of the match. Good stuff, actually. Had there been any sense of psychology at all aside from the usual tag team formula, then I might have rated this higher than I did. Still, a solid and fun main event as is the norm for SmackDown. No battle rap? Time Warner lied to me! Overall, this wasn't quite on par with last week's show. While last week's show only had one absolutely horrid segment (which, unfortunately, ended the show and thus made the show seem worse than it really was), this one had a few more bad segments that luckily were placed closer to the middle of the show, and thus didn't ruin the show. Good wrestling is good wrestling, which makes this a good show, even if No Mercy is already looking like a nothing show based on what matches they're actually putting on it. As always, you can send me your feedback, and then you can check my archives. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |