From TheSmartMarks.com TNA SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (1/8/2004) Segment 1 Last week, Kurt Angle told Eddy Guerrero he wasn't thinking about his nephew, Chavo Jr. Taped 1/6/2004 from the Von Braun Civic Center in Huntsville, Alabama. Michael Coleslaw and Tazz bring you all the action, including that huge street fight and a tag team title match! I guess the participants don't matter! Out comes My Olympic Hero for the opening interview! Angle gives props for the ovation. Last week was supposed to be the perfect beginning for a new year, as he vowed to win the Royal Rumble for the troops. But something left a bitter taste in his mouth. It's really none of his business, but he doesn't want one of the greatest tag teams ever to self-destruct. Come on out, Chavito Guerrero (with the LWO music...God, I've missed that theme). Angle did say it was Eddy's fault, but didn't Chavo cross the line by slapping Eddy last week? Cue the "Eddy" chant. Shouldn't Chavo apologize? Chavo: "What do you want me to apologize for? For trying to keep my family together?" It's just tough love, so "No sir, I will not!". In fact, Chavo would slap him harder if he were in the ring. Cue another "Eddy" chant as Chavo threatens to slap Angle. Angle asked Chavo out here not for a fight, but an opportunity to do the right thing. Here comes Eddy Guerrero. He goes after Chavo, but Angle grabs him in a waistlock as Chavo goes to the floor. Angle wants to say something before Eddy kicks his ass. These guys are family. They're supposed to love each other. And if Chavo's got the juevos, he'll face Eddy eye-to-eye. This is tearing the greatest family in wrestling history apart. All Kurt wants to know is who's going to be the better man and offer the makeup handshake? It's Chavo, and Eddy's hesitant. Angle asks Eddy who was the one person who helped him when he was down and out? "I gotta go there, Eddy, I gotta go there!" Eddy does the hesitant handshake, and Angle raises both their hands in triumph. Thank God for Angle's family values, says Cole. Last week, Hardcore Holly got disqualified after hitting The Big Show with a chair as Show tried to break Holly's neck. Josh Mathews is standing by with The Too Damn Big Show. Why a street fight? Show was busted open by the chair he holds in his hands, so he asked Paul Heyman for a street fight. He can use anything he wants to, and he's taking Hardcore out. COMMERCIAL BREAK Was that Kurt Angle playing mediator, or was that Richard Dawson hosting Family Feud? I honestly have no idea if this was done to put an end to the Guerrero-Guerrero feud, or to build to Eddy-Angle, or if they simply decided throwing Angle into it was a bad idea and they wanted to phase him out rather than just dropping it. It was great to hear that reaction for Eddy though. And then we go into the Holly-Show match and actually explain that there's a reason for the street fight. Actual reasons for a stipulation match? Continuity? Am I watching the right promotion? Segment 2 Rikishi sings! Only on WWE Originals, out this Tuesday (or Monday at midnight if you know where to go)! One fall: Chris BenOIT vs. ... Before we announce an opponent, out comes Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman. Benoit got himself into the Royal Rumble, but as the number one entrant. So it's a mini-Royal Rumble tonight with the FBI, and their entire purpose is to toss Benoit over the top rope. Every two minutes, a new member of the FBI makes their way to the ring. But there is a difference. At the Rumble, it's every man for himself, but tonight, "it's every man for Chris Benoit." Johnny Stamboli draws number 2. Benoit with an elbow. Forearms and chops. A series of kicks. Corner whip. He tries to dump Stamboli over the top rope, but Stamboli fights out of it. One minute remaining. Stamboli tries to dump Benoit, but Benoit is out of it. Stamboli with knees. Benoit fights back with kicks. Double-leg takedown into a sharpshooter, Stamboli taps (which doesn't matter), but there's the clock...and Chuck Palumbo draws #3. Benoit releases, but Palumbo traps him in the corner and hits a series of shoulderblocks. Benoit with a release German, but here comes Stamboli. Benoit suplexes Stamboli stomach first onto the top rope, but Palumbo attacks before Benoit can dump him out...but Benoit is able to duck under Palumbo and knock Stamboli off the apron with a baseball slide for the elimination. Fireman's carry...and Benoit counters into a Crippler Crossface. Palumbo taps, but there aren't any submissions. In comes Nunzio at number 4. Benoit tries to fight both men off, but the remaining members of the FBI double team. Nunzio holds the top rope down, and Palumbo tries to slam Benoit over it, but Benoit counters it. Nunzio tries to save Palumbo but ends up being dumped by Benoit for the elimination. Benoit counters a Palumbo power bomb with a rana. Palumbo comes back and Samoan drops Benoit. Palumbo goes for the Whack, Benoit counters into a waistlock...and he suplexes Palumbo over the top to the floor for the win at 6:19. Benoit can get by three men...but can he get by 29 at the Rumble? *1/2 The Basham Brothers defend against Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi next. COMMERCIAL BREAK A fun match, and a good teaser as to what the Royal Rumble is like. Granted, it doesn't show how chaotic things can be with 8-10 guys in the ring, but it does two things. It establishes the odds that Chris Benoit is up against, and it gives people the thought that maybe, just maybe, Benoit can run the table and win the whole thing. Segment 3 Smack Your TV ad with No Longer Able Sable. One fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Brothers Basham (champions--w/Shaniqua) Five or six weeks ago, Rikishi and Scotty beat the Bashams in a non-title match. The Bashams were victorious in a fatal four way two weeks later, but this is the first two-on-two meeting since the non-title loss. And for your history lesson, it was in this building that The Colossal Connection defeated Demolition for the WWF Tag Team Titles on December 13, 1989. That match also answers the question "Has there ever been a WWF/E tag team match without a hot tag?" Yes. That one. The Bashams come through the crowd and attack from behind. They lay out both men, and the match hasn't officially started. Ball and Gag to Rikishi. Danny hits Scotty with his title belt as Doug hits Rikishi with his title belt, and they celebrate...but here comes Kurt Angle. Heyman and Angle agree on something: When you advertise a title match, you should get one. So coming up next, Los Guerreros will replace the challengers, and the titles will be on the line. COMMERCIAL BREAK You know, I absolutely abhor the bait-and-switch except in rare circumstances, but in this case we'll make an exception, and for two reasons. One, because the match will be better, and two, because maybe we'll figure out what the point of the first segment was. I actually liked the story behind the beatdown too. The Bashams already lost to Scotty and Rikishi once and decided to take matters into their own hands before it happened again. Simple, to the point, and you didn't need to set someone on fire or drop them off a forklift to get the point across. But why is Heyman delegating authority to Angle? Segment 4 One fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: The Brothers Basham (champions--w/Shaniqua) vs. Los Guerreros Eddy and Danny start. Danny with a side headlock. Into a shoulderblock. Lockup, headlock, Eddy reverses. Shoulderblock. Tag to Chavo. Series of kicks. Punches and forearms. Tag to Eddy, bodyslam by Chavo, hilo by Eddy for 2. Forearm smashes. Tag to Chavo, double elbow, cover for 2. Small package, and Doug makes the save. Doug tags in and gets some punches in as Cole mentions the long forgotten five count. Dropkick by Chavo. Illegal double team behind Nick Patrick's back by the challengers. Front facelock, tag to Eddy behind Doug's back, so Eddy taps Doug on the shoulder and decks him as he turns around. Chops. Corner whip, reversal, elbow by Eddy, back suplex. Danny grabs Doug and rolls him out of the ring, so the Guerreros drag Doug back in. Doug reverses a whip and elbows Eddy. Eddy rolls away from another. Shaniqua to the apron, and the distraction allows the Bashams to send Eddy over the top rope. COMMERCIAL BREAK Five minutes in, and it's been the challengers in total control so far. Now it's time for the champions to get their offense in before the hot tag. Is tonight the night the Bashams' reign finally ends? Segment 5 The champions double team Eddy as we return from the break. Springboard elbowdrop by Doug for 2. Half Boston crab. Cue the "Eddy" chant. Eddy reaches the ropes, so Doug drags him to the corner and tags in Danny, who goes back to the half crab. Cheap shot by Doug as Chavo runs in for the save but gets stopped by Patrick. Tag to Doug, and a double slingshot suplex. I just marked out at a WWE move. Go figure. A drop toehold by Doug to prevent the hot tag, and Danny knocks Chavo off the apron just to make sure. An angry Chavo runs in, and that allows the double team. Eddy with a headscissors that sends Danny into the corner, and Doug tags in. There's actually a "Chavo" chant as Doug slams Eddy. Another bodyslam. Another one is countered by a rolling cradle for 2. Danny tags in, and Shaniqua chokes Eddy over the second rope and slaps him for good measure. Cover by Danny for 2. Eddy gets a desperation back suplex, but again he's too close to the corner, and Doug tags in. Headbutt. Power bomb, and Chavo makes the save at a count of 2. Tag to Danny, who drives a knee into the back and holds it as a submission hold. Eddy tries to reverse, and the resulting sequence leads to Eddy getting a dropkick and finally making the hot tag. In comes Chavo, and a backspin DDT gets 2 as Danny makes the save. Chavo rams Danny into the turnbuckle, then hits a flying bodypress, and again Danny makes the save. Spinning back suplex by Danny to regain control, and they send Eddy off the apron. Eddy pulls Danny out of the ring, then reenters the ring, and a double dropkick sends Doug out of the ring. Chavo dives over the top rope onto Doug. Back in, and Chavo goes for a sunset flip, but Doug sits down and grabs the ropes (as Shaniqua adds more leverage) for the pin at 16:22. ***1/4 The Bashams attack after the bell, Eddy makes the save, and as the Bashams double team Eddy, Chavo grabs a chair and sits down at ringside. He's simply watching the beating as he stares at the ring angrily. A double half crab (or a full crab, I guess), and Chavo refuses to make the save. The Bashams release the hold and celebrate. They leave, and Chavo enters the ring. Eddy tries to stand (without Chavo trying to help), and Chavo finally does help him up...and knocks him right back down with a forearm. An "asshole" chant as Chavo starts punching away at a confused Eddy. Eddy is busted wide open as Tazz says Chavo looks like he has to beat down Eddy even when he might not want to. Cole essentially tells Tazz he's full of shit as Chavo looks at Eddy's blood on his own hands. Chavo finally leaves...no, scratch that, he's in again to stomp at the open wound. This time he does leave the ring. Chavo adds insult to injury by driving the lowrider out of the arena. COMMERCIAL BREAK The Bashams are finally starting to come into their own as a tag team, and it's starting to pay off with matches like this. Good double teaming combined with excellent tag team strategy, and the desperation cheating to hang on to the titles by a thread. But WWE is hoping we'll remember the very well done postmatch angle. Basically, this was Bret Hart-Owen Hart for the extreme generation, as instead of a simple kick and temper tantrum, Chavo was actually willing to spill his own family's blood out of anger and/or jealousy. Kind of makes you think Shakespeare was a wrestling fan, doesn't it? Segment 6 Moments ago, the Bashams cheated to retain the titles, and Chavo finally made the long-awaited turn on his Uncle Eddy. During the break, Chavo drove the lowrider right out of the Von Braun Civic Center. Ape Train vs. John Cena Christ, I thought we were done with this damn feud. Cena cuts a freestyle, kissing up to the fans of Huntsville. He's "about to give the F-U to Chewbacca", who he's about to turn into an Ewok. "You'll get kicked off my campus quicker than Coach Price." "I'm gonna bust you quicker than Britney Spears' marriage." Well, good lines, at any rate. Cena goes for an F-U less than 30 seconds in, but A-Train avoids it and floors Cena with one punch. A-Train brawling. Delayed double underhook suplex for 2. Chinlock. Cena reaches the bottom rope. A-Train with a choke against the ropes. Cena fights back. Back suplex (looked like a Blue Thunder Bomb attempt that didn't quite work), then a flying elbow to the back of the head. Cena gets the F-U to finish things at 2:50. Thank God it was short. 3/4* Trainers check on Eddy as Angle comes in, saying he feels responsible for this. He can't believed he misjudged Chavo like that and he shouldn't have gotten involved. He should have let Eddy tear him apart. Basically, he's sorry. Eddy is damn near crying. COMMERCIAL BREAK I'm all for a John Cena push. Say what you want about his in-ring ability, but he's over, and since I always get bitched at for not realizing that because I don't like someone, there you go. I just wish they could push him and get some better matches out of the deal, but how can you do that with three minute specials? And now Angle apologizes for getting involved in Guerrero family business, seemingly putting an Eddy-Angle feud on the back burner to focus on Eddy-Chavo. Which is a good thing, as we've been pushing this Eddy-Chavo war for four months or so and really need a blowoff before trying to start another full scale feud. Segment 7 We're in Huntsville, with a street fight still to come. And welcome the 832nd Ordinance Batallion in Huntsville. Last week, Rey Misterio Jr. regained the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. What emotion! Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Rey Misterio Jr. (WWE Cruiserweight Champion) vs. Akio (w/Sakoda) Tajiri meets Jamie Noble in a top contenders match later tonight. Side headlock by Rey. Akio sends Rey into the corner. Choke against the ropes. Rey slides under Akio and fights back, hitting a faceslam for 2. Forearm smash. Akio again sends Rey into the corner. Sleeperhold. Into a chinlock. Rey kicks Akio into Brian Hebner, which allows Sakoda to get involved. Akio takes advantage and covers for 2. Tree of Woe boot choke. Baseball slide...um...ouch...balls to the post can't be fun. Rey kicks and chops away. Springboard bodyblock for 2. Rey counters a tilt-a-whirl slam with an inverted DDT for 2. Nice spot. Rey off the top, but he jumps into a spinning back kick that gets a 2 count. Rey backdrops an incoming Akio. Sakoda's interference is stopped, Akio is dropped on the ropes, and it's the double 619. A West Coast Pop later, and Rey wins at 4:38. Too short, but good while it lasted. *3/4 If you forgot, Billy Gunn is in the Royal Rumble, and he's going to introduce his three greatest moments ever. #3: January 23, 1995...The Smoking Gunns win the WWF Tag Team Titles from The 1-2-3 Kid and Bob "Hardcore" Holly. COMMERCIAL BREAK So we're definitely getting a Cruiserweight Title Match at the Royal Rumble, and it's going to be good unless it's completely shortchanged. Whether the shot goes to Noble or Tajiri, both have recent history with Rey, so it won't be too hard to build it up. I gotta admit the Billy Gunn countdown's a good idea...but didn't they basically risk hurting what little credibility Bob Holly might have by showing him lose a match to Billy Gunn? OK, it was a tag team match and it was nine years ago, but still... Segment 8 Josh Mathews is with Softcore Holly. Show wants a street fight? He's got it. US Champion or not, Show's not that smart. You don't play somebody else's game, and a street fight is up Holly's alley...and we're in Holly's home state and all. Alabama ass whipping time. Nidia is trying to get hold of Jamie Noble but gets his voice mail. In comes Paul Heyman, and he can't find Noble with the match coming up. If Noble can't wrestle, he must find a suitable replacement: Nidia. Um...doesn't wrestling blind violate pretty much every athletic commission's regulations? (What's an athletic commission?) Oh. COMMERCIAL BREAK Tajiri vs. freaking Nidia? I've been enjoying this show. Don't fuck it up now! Did that many people honestly give a rat's ass about America's Next Top Model that we needed a TWO MINUTE commercial for it? Segment 9 WrestleMania Recall: Lawrence Taylor destroys Bam Bam Bigelow's career. Must they always show the Salt 'n' Pepa entrance when they show this clip? I didn't like the original song when it was a hit. One fall for a shot at the WWE Cruiserweight Championship at the Royal Rumble: Tajiri Yoshihiro vs. Nidia Think about this for a second: Nidia is considered a "suitable replacement", but Ultimo Dragon, Paul London, Spanky, Billy Kidman, Shannon Moore, and Funaki, among others, aren't. WWE Logic for you. Heyman leads Nidia to the ring. Heyman takes the cane from her and says "No weapons in my match!" Tajiri rips off Nidia's fur coat. Arm wringer snap mares. Fireman's carry. Russian legsweep for the pin at 1:05. DUD Tajiri sets up the Buzzsaw Kick, but out comes Rey Misterio Jr. to run him off. Rey tries to explain everything to her, but she doesn't trust him because of Noble's lies. More continuity. Damn. Rey and referee Mike Sparks help her to the back. Out runs Jamie By God Noble to check on him, and he checks on Nidia...then decks Rey for no apparent reason. The street fight is NEXT! COMMERCIAL BREAK Well, at least it was booked properly, because knowing WWE I was expecting Nidia to get the pin in about 30 seconds, then miraculously beat Rey at the Rumble to kill the cruiserweight division dead. And the Noble-Rey interaction builds off the tension from previously weeks beautifully. Rey vs. Tajiri at the Rumble could be awesome if given the same amount of time it got last week, and you have to wonder if Noble will come into play at some point. Segment 10 "Nothing Left to Lose" by Puddle of Mudd is the official theme song of the Royal Rumble. Main event time, but here comes King Brock I to ringside. He's on the cover of Flex magazine. The champ joins the broadcast team. Street Fight scheduled for one fall: The Too Damn Big Show (WWE United States Champion) vs. Softcore Holly This could be fun even though it won't be a pure wrestling masterpiece. Anything goes, but the pin must take place inside the ring. Show swings the chair before the bell, but Holly stops it with a kick and we're underway. Show quickly takes advantage and tosses Holly into the ring. Headbutt. Brock and Tazz both get bleeped as Holly uses a broomstick to gain control. Show quickly sends Holly back to the floor. Show follows, and it's Holly with the right hands. Chair shot, and Holly attacks Brock. Stupid move, as that gives Show the opportunity to send Holly into the ringpost. Trash can lid shot. Show rolls Holly back into the ring. In go some garbage cans. Holly uses a road sign, but Show quickly regains control. Garbage can shot. Holly ducks another one and chop blocks Show's left knee. Holly gloms Show with a garbage can, and the third shot knocks him down for 2. Holly locks in a full nelson, but Show breaks and rams Holly into the corner. Holly grabs something, Show goes for the Choke Slam, but Holly sprays Show in the eyes with...mace, I guess, then hits Show with a chair. Holly wraps a chair around Show's neck into a modified triangle choke, and Show taps at 4:56. That was a sweet fucking finish. That alone saved this match from being a DUD. We'll be nice and call it *. Holly and Brock stare each other down. Holly charges, and Brock takes off through the crowd. END OF SHOW An OK at best match, but wonderfully played at the booth. Brock spends the bulk of his time claiming not to be scared, runs when Holly comes after him, and Tazz actually plays the heel by pointing out the chair in Holly's hand. "Of course he's going to run." I'm not sure how well this is building Holly up, but I've got to give them an A for effort here. Overall, pretty much a terrific show despite one or two down spots. Get rid of A-Train vs. Cena, which served no purpose except to get Cena on TV, each segment either had a decent to good match or some solid storyline development. A few segments even had both. Continuity? In WWE? I don't think I could have hated this show if I wanted to the way they handled things tonight. Send me feedback about either this show or Pete Rose, and don't forget to peruse my archives. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |