Wrestling
UWC's Battle of the Champions IV On-Site Report
By Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Mar 7, 2004, 21:37

UWC Battle of the Champions IV On-Site Report
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

We are now a week away from WrestleMania XX, which is probably the biggest wrestling event you're going to see all year. But every wrestling company has its own version of WrestleMania. For WCW, it was always Starrcade. ECW had November to Remember. Ring of Honor and NWATNA have their anniversary shows, and New Japan Pro Wrestling is always at the Tokyo Dome on January 4. For Ohio's United Wrestling Council, that WrestleMania-type event is Battle of the Champions, and the fourth installment took place on March 6 from Akron's North High School.

I've been trying to follow the TV storylines as best as possible even though I don't actually get the show from home, so hopefully I've got the backgrounds of these matches somewhat right.

Tag Team Dark Match: Psycho #1 and Super Sydal vs. Patrick Cage and "Happy" Mike Smiley

Smiley was billed as from North High School for the cheap pop. Cage starts the match and is basically beaten on for several minutes before making the hot tag to Smiley, who takes Psycho down with an enzuigiri, then puts on a Lion Tamer for the submission at 4:03. Hell must have frozen over, as Mike Smiley actually won a match.

Kovedogg introduces us to our broadcast team of Chris the Brain and...um...well, Keith Kennedy is announced but is MIA, although he eventually joins Brain and "Sex Symbol" Keith Young at the table.

Mikey Showtime vs. Kenny Hendricks

Hendricks is a relative newcomer to UWC, but if I'm not mistaken he did some TV jobs for the WWF around 1996 when they taped Superstars in Ohio. Hendricks picked up a win over Showtime on TV, and Showtime has since been trying to use the assistance of Jamie Starr to take him out of action, but with no success. Starr guarantees that the third time will be the charm, but Showtime tells him "Three strikes and you're getting your ass kicked." A solid "opener". Hendricks has Showtime pinned with Starr distracting the referee, which allows The Rogue to run in and hit the Death Valley Driver on Hendricks. Showtime rolls on top for the pin at 7:04. Postmatch, Rogue insists that he doesn't want to wait until later tonight for his shot at the TV Title, leading to:

One fall for the UWC Television Championship: The Rogue vs. Phattie Dattie (champion)

Phattie is apparently no longer wearing the gorilla slippers, and I'm not sure I like that. The finish comes after Phattie goes to the top turnbuckle for the Swanton That Never Connects (think Ric Flair coming off the top after the Flair Flip here), but when Rogue moves, Phattie rolls through and connects with a superkick for the apparent pin. BUT WAIT! Rogue's foot reached the bottom rope, so the match is restarted, and Rogue quickly gets a fallaway slam in for the pin and the title at 7:59. The finish came off flat, mostly because nobody realized the match was restarted unless they were paying attention to the commentary.

The finals of the tournament for the vacant UWC Tag Team Championship: Sing & Bling (Kid Rageous and Ice E. Kool) vs. XXTC (Mike Hercum and Chad Lieb)

Rageous claims that he tried out for American Idol but turned Simon Cowell down, and he does a "stirring rendition" of "Isn't She Lovely" before each match. Kool is a John Cena clone to the point that the fans have taken to chanting "You're no Cena" at him. This tournament came about after Atlantis and Mikey Showtime won the belts on January 10 mascardaring as Mexican Tag Team Champions "Galavision" and "Telemundo" before being stripped of the titles by interim president Chris the Brain. The previous week at TV, XXTC (pronounced "Double Ecstasy") scored a pin over Sing & Bling while mascarading as the Japanese team of "Long Ding Dong" and "Wang Hang Lo". I wish I was making those names up. Some pretty good action in this one, with Lieb in particular taking a couple of wicked looking suplexes. Kool pins Lieb following a Doomsday Device to give Sing & Bling the titles at 6:25.

Keith Young then has a special announcement he wants to make, so he asks Selena to come to the ring. Selena had taken over control of the Inner Circle when Young missed several weeks after an attack from Eddie Insane, and things went to hell to the point that the entire Inner Circle had been fired -- except Selena. So Young's willing to accept an apology, but "Like your theme song says, 'bow down to your master'." He wants her to get on her knees and apologize, so instead he's met with a low blow.

For the UWC Hardcore Extreme Championship: Unknown (w/Jamie Starr) vs. Eddie Insane (w/The Insane Pack)

Before the match, Starr tells Insane that he'd better learn how to wrestle, because hardcore rules will not apply. So of course, he takes advantage of the hardcore rules himself, stealing Insane's kendo stick and interfering whenever possible. But interestingly enough, Insane does win with wrestling, getting the pin off a schoolboy cradle at 9:51. Actually a great finish based on the story of the match.

"The Champ" John Potok vs. Pumper

The story of this match tells us that Pumper is coming into this match with a torn ACL. Pumper has control of the matchup and goes for the Super Pump Slam, but some familiar theme music comes on, and it's Justin Dreams returning to the UWC after a two-month absence. And he's looking about 20 pounds lighter. He blatantly interferes against Pumper before knocking out referee Anthony Lardassio, and Dreams and Potok double team Pumper for several minutes. Dreams keeps Pumper locked in a figure-four leglock until Lardassio wakes up and finally calls for the DQ at 10:16. Pumper is carried to the back.

Intermission time, and Marty Jannetty poses for pictures. Yes, that Marty Jannetty.

Kano vs. Rod the Bod (w/Barely Legal)

Picture Lex Luger as "The Narcissist" with a hot cheerleader holding the mirror for him, and you have Rod the Bod's gimmick. Rod uses a lot of power stuff and takes time to look at himself in the mirror. Kano eventually makes the comeback and wins the match with a beautiful moonsault at 6:58. No problem for Rod, as he still looks good.

"The Daredevil of Extreme" Tack vs. "High Impact" Bret Myers

Myers turned on his partner Virus to cost them the UWC Tag Team Championship at the last big show (or possibly the next TV taping, I can't remember which). Soon thereafter, Tack showed up unannounced at a TV taping and got into an argument with Myers. Interim president Chris the Brain reinstated Tack and immediately signed this match. And Tack busted out the submission moves in this one to the shock of pretty much everybody. Myers distracted the referee, which brought out Unknown (dressed as Virus) to attack Tack. That was short-lived, as Virus came out and attacked Myers, which led to Tack hitting a sitout splash mountain for the pin at 14:01. Postmatch, Virus hit Myers with a beautiful shooting star press. Tack's improving already while training in the HWA, and Myers actually has to rely less on spots as a heel and looked a lot better as a result.

For the UWC World Heavyweight Championship: "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb vs. The Purple Hooter (champion)

Hooter won the vacant title in a Sinful Seven Match on January 10, and the following week on TV, Lieb warned Hooter about trusting anybody who might want his title -- and then he turned on him. This led to this match being signed. Hooter keeps Lieb off-balance early, but Lieb eventually takes control and comes within half a second of winning the title on more than one occasion, particularly after getting several shots in with his trademark platters. Hooter then goes to king size bottle of Purple Juice, so the platter shots have less effect, and neither does Lieb's 4H, as Hooter kicks out of the ensuing pin attempt. Hooter eventually takes Lieb down and covers. Lieb gets his foot on the bottom rope, but the referee doesn't see it and counts the pin at 12:17. I hate that finish, especially when the heel loses as a result of it, but it was probably still the match of the night.

We're treated to video footage of Marty Jannetty, and it's basically the Royal Rumble 1993 hype video for Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels, complete with the breakup on The Barber Shop that got one of the biggest pops of the night. Greatest segment ever (the Barber Shop, not the video).

Marty Jannetty vs. Vincent Trouble

No real backstory for this one. Trouble simply complained about not having a match for this card, so interim president Chris the Brain gave him Jannetty. Very slow start, as they go through a bunch of stalling spots that made it look like it was Jose Luis Rivera vs. Steve Lombardi to open a WWF house show in 1985. Once they got into it, it was a good match. Jannetty tries to slingshot into the ring for a sunset flip, but Trouble sits down on him and grabs the ropes to get the pin at 11:27. What is with the ropes playing a part in the finish on this show? Jannetty gets his heat back by taking Trouble down with a superkick, but I loved the use of Jannetty here -- bring in a fairly big name to help put over your own talent while still making the big name look good.

North Hill Street Fight to determine the President of the UWC: Bo Smirnow vs. Dan Mason

Yes, a match with non-wrestlers goes on last. Plenty of background for this one though. During the 2003 Presidential Election, Mason had a comfortable lead over Smirnow and Eugene Kim. All of a sudden, the comfortable lead became a two-man race between Mason and Smirnow, but Mason squeaked by to win the election at the December to Dismember event. However, as they were swearing Mason in at Final Sin in January, videotape footage showed Mason stuffing the ballot box, which made the presidency vacant. Chris the Brain became the interim president and eventually signed this match to settle the issue, but due to a series of head injuries that forced Smirnow to "retire", this street fight was the only way he'd agree to the match.

Before the match, Mason comes out with his garbage can of plunder and tells Smirnow "If you want a street fight, you can find me in the street," and he takes off. Hollywood tries to follow them with a handheld camera, but for whatever reason they didn't keep any shots on the screen for any length of time. Smirnow sets Mason up for a superkick, but he collapses, and immediately officials are in the ring to check on him. Mason asks for a 10-count, but is told there are no ten counts in a street fight, so he has to pin him. Smirnow gets a small package for 2, proving his collapse was a swerve all along. Smirnow hits his superkick (which might have gotten Mason in the chest) but refuses to pin him. He brings in a weak table and puts Mason through it with a flying elbowdrop for the pin at 11:44. Fun brawl, but certainly not a "good" match by any means.

The UWC announces Final Exam 3 for Hyre Middle School in Akron on May 8 as the show ends.

Overall, actually a pretty solid show throughout. There was nothing that's going to stand out as a match of the year candidate by any means, but nothing's going to be in the running for worst match of the year either. And even the "sports entertainment" aspect of the show made sense for the most part, which is a very good thing. A few minor quibbles, as the ropes were involved in way too many finishes, and the only match that I could have seen as going on after the World Title Match was Jannetty's. Sorry, but I doubt highly that the top draw of that card was Bo Smirnow vs. Dan Mason. Still, a solid effort all-around as it looks things are starting to click.

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