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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (3/25/2004) Segment 1 Monday, the draft lottery shook things up, and the video package focuses on the picks of Triple H and Paul Heyman. Yes, the two that don't matter. Taped 3/23/2004 from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan! Michael Cole and Tazz are still together at ringside! And cue Triple H's music as we kiss his ass with the "crown jewel" stuff, but it's My Olympic Hero coming to the ring instead as Cole and Tazz wonder what's going on. Shouldn't they have given them the 411 on this beforehand since they made it public two days ago? Angle officially announces himself as the new GM (although he teases Stephanie McMahon to the point that even Tazz claims it's Steph). Angle has put his wrestling career on hold for the SmackDown fans. He feels he can make a difference and will fight for what he believes in, but unlike Paul Heyman, he'll back down from no one. Which is why when "earlier tonight" Triple H demanded a rematch with Eddy Guerrero, he was told "no", because he was traded back to Raw. It's not about being popular. It's about improving SmackDown, and the former Raw superstars will certainly improve SmackDown. First off are The Dudley Boyz, who will wrestle later tonight, followed by the man Angle feels will be the dominant SmackDown superstar for years to come, Booker T, who makes his way to the ring to say a few words. Booker wishes he could say he's excited to be here, but he's not, because his life's been turned upside down without Booker actually having any say in it. He doesn't like that, but he liked wrestling on Raw because the fans respected everything he did. And no disrespect to Angle, but compared to Raw, SmackDown is the minor leagues. Um...what? There's great talent with great futures backstage, but Booker's better than all of them. Eddy Guerrero. John Cena. The Big Show. Even The Undertaker. Bottom line, Booker doesn't want to be here. Angle knows he's upset, but this is no minor league show. But Angle does agree that Booker's a bigger star than anyone else on SmackDown. And yes, Raw fans appreciated him, and SmackDown fans don't appreciate great athletes. But if Booker sticks to his guns, he'll help change all that. Not a very rousing ovation for Booker. Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas is next. COMMERCIAL BREAK Nothing bad about this segment, but why bother making the announcement on wwe.com if you're going to have your broadcast team play dumb? You've essentially told your own fan base that they don't actually need to watch the shows anymore, because they know more than the people on your payroll. Granted, the announcement was made around the time the taping was going on, but it's a continuity thing. The main point of this segment was that Booker T is on SmackDown, and he's apparently getting ready for a heel run. Which makes no sense, as his main gripe on Monday was that the team with RVD had been broken up, and now they can get back together. But still. Booker against Eddy. Booker against Cena. Booker against RVD. Could be a fun run coming up. Segment 2 The WrestleMania Revenge Tour hit the United Kingdom last week. One fall: "Mr. Thursday Night" Rob.......Van.......Dam vs. Charlie Haas Earlier tonight, RVD promised that nobody gets higher than RVD. Take that how you will. "RVD" chant at the bell. Headlock by Haas. Fireman's carry. Waistlock takedown, and RVD to the ropes for a break. A series of punches by RVD, and he gets a spinning heel kick. Leg lariat. Haas with a knee and a turnbuckle smash. Bodyslam. RVD with an "armdrag" takedown, then he locks in an armbar. Haas again with the knee. RVD springs up top, but Haas shoves him off the turnbuckle and into the guardrail. Haas rolls RVD back in and covers for 2. Haas begins to focus the attack onto RVD's left knee. Half Boston crab. RVD kicks out of it, but Haas continues the attack. Missed enzuigiri into a spinning back kick by RVD. Stepover spin kick by RVD. Corkscrew legdrop. Rolling thunder for 2. Rolling monkey flip is blocked, and Haas cradles the legs and tries to use the ropes for leverage, but Brian Hebner sees it and calls for the break. Haas removes the top turnbuckle pad, but before he can do anything with it, RVD gets a small package for the pin at 6:15. Not bad, but it never really got on track. *1/4 Paul Heyman's first pick on Monday was Rene Dupree, who makes his SmackDown debut next. COMMERCIAL BREAK This was essentially signed for the sole purpose of letting everybody know that RVD is now on SmackDown and Haas is now a singles competitor. I appreciate Haas trying to do the smart thing and work on RVD's knee, but it essentially meant nothing by the time the match ended. Segment 3 Raw ended this week with a mass brawl of both rosters. Your hosts discuss how SmackDown dominated this past week's Raw, what with main eventing the enemy's show and all. One fall: Billy Kidman vs. Rene Dupree (w/Fifi) Fifi's the poodle, not Ric Flair's former maid. Dupree shoves Kidman off of a lockup to start. Kidman blocks a hiptoss and takes Dupree down with a rana. Nice armdrag by Kidman. Out to the floor they go, which is where Dupree takes control. Back in the ring, and it's all Dupree. Hard corner whip. Backdrop. There's the French Tickler (the dance he does), and then a fistdrop for 2. Into a bearhug. Kidman breaks it with a jawbreaker. Boots to the face, and Kidman jumps off the second rope with a flying elbow, then gets an enzuigiri for 2. Kidman goes for a clothesline but runs into a powerslam for 2. Dupree runs into a dropkick. Kidman up top, but Dupree dropkicks him onto the turnbuckle. Dupree puts Kidman on his shoulders and dumps him into a sitout piledriver for the pin at 3:29. I'd ask for a name for that, but knowing WWE it would be something stupid like the "French Toast" or something. * But don't go anywhere, Rene, because John Cena Th.D. is on his way to the ring. The U.S. Champion decides to confront the Frenchman. It's patriotic and stuff. Cena tells Dupree that Michael Cole's gay and gives him some advice. Don't leave your wallet near Eddy Guerrero. Don't use the restroom after The Big Show or Rikishi. And stop staring at the "Magic Johnson". The fans don't want Dupree here because France sucks. COMMERCIAL BREAK Typical TV match that serves to put Dupree over, and Cena's typical freestyle promo to throw out some gay references that serves to let people know John Cena's on the show. Dupree actually looked pretty decent here tonight, but please tell me we're not going to rush him into a US title feud. He's only had the one singles match and should be nowhere near any title until he has a fairly substantial winning streak going. Segment 4 The Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids hosts the brand new SmackDown, but on the last edition of the old SmackDown, The Undertaker Tombstoned by Heyman. Hey, great news! The Undertaker's still on SmackDown! Um...I thought you said that was great news... Josh Mathews asks Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty how they feel about the new GM, but Theodore Long comes in calling SmackDown "the land of equal opportunity". As champions, Scotty and Rikishi are good, but they're not yet great. So he hands them their "playa's card" and says to give him a call. In comes Eddy Guerrero to welcome RVD to the SmackDown locker room, and Rey Misterio Jr. is into Eddy's new shirt. Eddy tells SmackDown's NUMBAH ONE Announcah that his Eddy T-shirt is in the mail (he lies!), then welcomes L'il Spike Dudley, then he tries to welcome Booker T. They're like family on SmackDown and watch each other's back, but Booker doesn't want help. He calls Eddy the "champion of the minor leagues", and Eddy immediately takes offense at Booker insulting the entire SmackDown roster. Booker says "Consider yourself insulted, sucka", and that starts the pull apart brawl. COMMERCIAL BREAK Anybody else think that Theodore Long is going to end up simply managing Orlando Jordan and doing the same gimmick he was doing on Raw? And I'll say the same thing about Booker that I did about Rene Dupree. Wait until he has a few wins under his belt before teasing the inevitable title feud. I'd love to see Booker vs. Eddy, but build Booker up first before just thrusting him into that title shot. Segment 5 Moments ago, Eddy gave Booker what he "deserved", sayeth the biased SmackDown broadcast team. Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: The Dudley Boyz vs. The Basham Brothers I'd ask when the last time two brother teams faced each other, but nobody's actually related to each other here, so it's irrelevant. We get a four-way brawl to start, and Danny and Bubba Ray eventually become the legal men. Knees and forearms by Bubba. Tag to D-Von, who rams Danny into the turnbuckle and punches away. Danny tags in Doug, and Doug goes to work on D-Von. D-Von gets an elbow and a bodyslam for 2. Bubba tagged in, and a reverse neckbreaker gets 2. Crossface blows and a tag to D-Von. Double flapjack. D-Von covers, but Jimmy Korderas is with Bubba, and there's the illegal switch by the Bashams, who take control. Danny tags Doug back in, and they do some spot-on double teaming. Doug with an abdominal stretch, and he grabs Danny's hand for leverage. Shot to the ribs and a tag to Danny. Elbowdrop for 2. More double teaming until Bubba makes the hot tag. Corner whip and an avalanche. Side slam to Doug for 2 as Danny makes the save. Flip flop and fly by Bubba Ray, and a bodyslam. Wuzzup Headbutt by D-Von, and in comes the other Basham. He walks into the 3D for the pin at 6:00. I couldn't keep track of which Basham was in the ring long enough to care. 3/4* Booker T asks Kurt Angle what Angle plans to do about Eddy jumping him earlier tonight. Angle promises Booker that Eddy will respect him after tonight. Eddy defended the title all over the U.K., then on Raw, and after tonight, he'll respect the new WWE Champion -- Booker T. So much for establishing Booker T first. COMMERCIAL BREAK They're at the point where they're damned if they do and damned if they don't with the Dudleys. The act's beyond stale at this point, and without the tables they no longer bring anything to the table. And honestly, I'm not sure the change of shows will help them when SmackDown's best tag team was broken up on Monday night. I stand by my point that they should have established Booker T before pushing him for a WWE Title shot, but apparently "proper build" is a foreign expression to WWE's creative team. Segment 6 One fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Chavito Guerrero (champion--w/Chavo Guerrero Sr.) vs. L'il Spike Dudley And speaking of failing to establish a contender for a championship... Bubba Ray and D-Von are still at ringside, and apparently they're going to keep Chavo Sr. in check. God, Spike, put the shirt back on! Chain wrestling sequence to start. They trade punches, with Spike getting the upperhand. Spike avoids a suplex and goes for the Dudley Dawg, but Chavo Jr. dumps him over the top rope. D-Von and Bubba Ray come over to keep Chavo Sr. from Spike. Back into the ring, and Chavo Jr. locks in the seated abdominal stretch. Spike fights back with elbows, but Chavito stops him with a knee. Inverted atomic drop by Spike, followed by a clothesline for a near fall. Spike lands on the apron after a backdrop and heads up top. Chavo stops him and goes for a superplex, but Spike shoves him off and gets the flying double stomp for 2. Chavo reverses a corner whip. Spike counters the Gory Bomb into a sunset flip for 2. Chavo back in control with forearms. Spike fights back, but misses the missile dropkick, and Chavo gets the pin with a backbreaker drop at 4:32. *1/2 And speaking of title matches, Eddy Guerrero meets Booker T tonight! COMMERCIAL BREAK Not actively bad (with a few really good spots), but another match that never really seemed to get on track. Chavo is actually starting to get some clean wins under his belt, which will only serve to elevate the Cruiserweight Championship, so that's a good thing. Segment 7 Tonight is the night to smack your TV, because Booker T gets a title shot tonight! But last week, Bradshaw was disgusting in his abandonment of Faarooq. Does Faarooq get royalties for this even though he's no longer under contract? John Bradshaw Layfield does come out, and they're going to make his financial analyst thing his actual gimmick. He wants to explain what happened last week, as he feels he was misunderstood. Ron Simmons has always been Bradshaw's best friend, so when Heyman quit Monday night, this was his chance to get Ron's job back and keep the APA in business. But he's not going to do that. He appreciates the friendship, but he has a portfolio that's beaten the stock market seven straight years. He has a second book coming out. He has a radio show coming up. He's on the Fox News Channel. He simply can't walk away from it, and the fans would have done the same thing if given the opportunity. "It's time you stopped listening to your Sunday school fairy tales." It's cause and effect, and people who know that run industries and governments. Bradshaw responds to some nearly non-existent "You sold out" chants. Bradshaw doesn't have to pad his resume. He's succeeded at everything except wrestling. He thought it was more important to drink beer and have fun, but now things are going to change. "Buckle your seatbelts, boys and girls. Business is about to pick up." The WWE Title match is next! COMMERCIAL BREAK I know that most of the time, the best gimmicks are merely an extension of the wrestler's real life personality. The problem is that nobody actually cares about how Bradshaw's stock portfolio looks. They've talked about it ever since that book came out. I didn't care then, I don't care now, and I doubt anybody's going to see Bradshaw's name on the card and go "There's that stock market whiz rasslin' tonight, let's go buy a ticket." Segment 8 More hype for Walking Tall. Booker T is walking backstage, and he walks smack into Hardcore Holly. Booker doesn't want to be there? Well, they don't want him here. And when Eddy's done with him, the rest of the roster wants to rip him apart. Actually, Bob, your feud with Brock Lesnar pretty much proves Booker's point. What kind of condition is Eddy in after that match with Triple H on Raw? One fall for the WWE Championship: Booker T vs. Eddy Guerrero (champion) COMMERCIAL BREAK Aren't we all just clamoring for Bob Holly vs. Booker T? Or Bob Holly vs. anybody, for that matter? I mean, I know he won that terrific feud with Chuck Palumbo on Velocity and all, so he should be elevated, right? Yes, that's sarcasm. Segment 9 "Eddy" chants at the bell. Lockup into the corner, and a clean break. Armdrags by each man, and they're back in the corner again, and another clean break. Deop toehold into a cross facelock by Eddy. Into the corner again, and Booker decides he's had enough of the clean breaks. Booker gets a near fall, and Eddy comes back with some chops for Booker T. Chinlock. Booker breaks with a jawbreaker. Clothesline for 2. Chinlock. Double wristlock. Eddy breaks it with a back suplex. Eddy with the hilo for 2. Reverse chinlock. Booker pushes Eddy into the corner and gets a series of knees into the champion's stomach. Eddy catches Booker with a boot to the face, but Booker tosses Eddy high into the air and down to the mat. Standing side kick for 2. Whip, reversal, Eddy with a dropkick. Eddy charges, but Booker takes him down with a Hotshot, and Eddy tumbles to the floor. COMMERCIAL BREAK Decent so far. Booker has some control, Eddy has some control, and neither man has gained a clear advantage, although Booker is likely to take control after that Hotshot. Segment 10 Booker T has a reverse chinlock on Eddy, as during the break, Booker dropped Eddy onto the guardrail and worked on the back. Eddy breaks the hold with a back suplex. Sleeperhold by Booker T. Eddy uses the hair to try to break, but to no avail. Booker turns it into a cover for 2, then locks it back in. Eddy breaks it with punches and gets a flapjack to Booker. Eddy up top, but Booker quickly catches him and takes him down with a superplex for 2. Side slam for 2. Back to the reverse chinlock, and Tazz puts over the strategy. Rightly so, I might add. Eddy punches out of it but runs into a knee to the midsection. Choke against the ropes. Chops. Forearms. Eddy ducks a chop and uses some of his own. Clothesline. Eddy counters a side slam into a spinning headscissors. Booker avoids a suplex and takes Eddy down with the Book End for 2. Corner sunset flip for 2. Leg lariat, and Booker teases the Spinnaroonie but covers for a near fall instead. Eddy avoids the Scissors Kick and goes into the rolling vertical suplexes. The champ's feeling froggy, and he hits the Frog Splash, but Bradshaw runs in and attacks Eddy for the DQ at 15:39. Um...that makes absolutely no fucking sense, which ruins an otherwise damn fine match. **3/4 Bradshaw with the Clothesline from Hell, and he's made his impact as the "You sold out" chants actually pick up a tiny bit of steam. END OF SHOW Honestly, I have no idea what to make of that finish because I don't understand it. I mean, I can buy Bradshaw attacking Eddy as a standalone attack, as he wants to be more serious, and you always want to shoot for the World Title. But is there something to Bradshaw helping Booker T or not? That's the part I don't get, and I sure as hell hope they didn't bring Booker over to SmackDown just to put Bradshaw over. Overall, a hit or miss show that largely missed. The good part about this show is that it established who the new faces are on SmackDown, and those people that might only watch SmackDown were probably in need of the primer. The problem is that the show was largely just kind of there with no real flow to it. Nothing great, nothing actively bad, and probably nothing anybody will remember next week. But that shouldn't stop you from commenting on it. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |