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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (4/15/2004) Segment 1 Last Thursday, John Bradshaw Layfield was named the number one contender. Taped 4/13/2004 from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, Indiana. Michael Cole and Tazz are calling the action as RVD meets Booker T, according to the Tale of the Tape. But first, Eddy Guerrero is lowriding his way to the ring. He gets a huge pop and grabs himself a microphone. All week he's had about 27 phone calls from Kurt Angle demanding an apology for destroying the trophy last week. He doesn't have a problem with apologizing, but he does have a problem with Bradshaw being named the Great American. Great Americans don't rub in their wealth. He's been trying to pull one over on everybody by claiming to be a great American. "But what I see is a great American sellout!" Your money doesn't make you smarter, better, or classier... And let's cut to a political promo from Bradshaw that resembles a John Kerry campaign ad. (And before the angry e-mails come, I like Kerry better than Bush, but you gotta call it the way you see it.) That's the type of BS Eddy's been dealing with since winning the WWE Title, and he's sick of it. Yeah, he lies, cheats, and steals. But he worked really hard to get here, so don't get confused. It took 17 years to get that first title shot. It wasn't handed to him with a bogus award ceremony. Eddy decides that since Bradshaw's the top contender and Eddy's the champion that he wants to defend the title right now, but My Olympic Hero decides to come out instead. Angle doesn't appreciate Eddy ruining his ceremony last week, not apologizing this week, or being Eddy Guerrero at any time, but he does decide that if Eddy wants to lose the title, then what the hell, let's do it. And here comes the number one contender, John Bradshaw Layfield. There's nothing Bradshaw wants more than to win the title tonight, but he's been campaigning all week, because he's apparently under the impression that WWE Champions are elected. Simply put, he's too tired to wrestle tonight. He has a better idea and whispers it to Angle, who approves. A true great American wouldn't take advantage of a man who's tired, so Eddy won't defend against Bradshaw until Judgment Day next month. But since Eddy's ready to go, he'll face The Big Show instead. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Cena is next...Josh Mathews and Bill DeMott lied to me last Saturday! COMMERCIAL BREAK Was it just me, or did that interview seem to be highly edited? Anyway, didn't Bradshaw say last week that a truly great American would take advantage when an opportunity is given to him? So shouldn't Bradshaw want the title shot tonight? I know damn well that I have no interest in seeing that match, and even less interest in paying for it, but that's exactly what they expect us to do. Segment 2 The Too Damn Big Show asks if the match tonight is for the title or not, and the answer is no because Bradshaw hasn't received his title shot yet, and he is the number one contender and all. Show realizes that they're just using him to do Bradshaw's dirty work because Bradshaw can't beat Eddy, Angle didn't beat Eddy at WrestleMania, but Show can get the job done. Show gives his word that he'll quit if he can't beat Eddy tonight. Champion vs. Champion Non-Title Match scheduled for one fall: John Cena (WWE United States Champion) vs. Chavito Guerrero (w/Chavo Guerrero Sr.) Cena pimps the Pacers for the cheap hometown pop and is thankfully interrupted by Chavo Jr.'s music. Lockup into the corner, and an exchange of shoves...and an exchange of slaps. Chavo into a hammerlock, reversed by Cena, and Chavo with an elbow. Hiptoss by Cena. Side headlock. Chavito with forearms to the ribs. Shoulderblock and a headlock by Cena. Chavo with a whip and a knee into the midsection, and he tosses Cena to the floor, which enables Chavo Sr. to whack Cena with a cowboy boot. Back in, and Chavito with a cover for 2. European uppercuts. Camel clutch (Tazz: "Do they got camels in Mexico?"). Cena breaks by ramming Chavo Jr. into the corner. Chavo with a dropkick for 2. Kick to the ribs and a European uppercut. Cena tries to come back with right hands, but Chavo uses a form of an armdrag to get a 2 count. Turnbuckle smash. Pounding away in the corner. Kicks and forearms. Cena catches a charging Chavo with a boot to the face, then clotheslines Chavo. A kick to the midsection leads to the Throwback. Five Knuckle Shuffle, pump up the shoses, ram Chavo Sr. into the ringpost to prevent the interference, then hit the F-U for the pin at 5:41. Better than Cena's usual fare, but it's the same basic ending every time. *1/4 Cole and Tazz discuss the upcoming RVD-Booker match, andwe see a video claiming it started because RVD wanted to be on SmackDown when Booker didn't. COMMERCIAL BREAK How sad is it that I can pretty much give you the last 30 seconds of any John Cena match? Throwback, Five Knuckle Shuffle, pump up the shoes, F-U. Only Chavo Sr.'s failed interference prevented that from happening, but that's the type of formula I don't want to see them use too often. I don't want this to turn into the Finishing Sequence of Doom, although I'll probably start calling it that just to save myself some typing. Segment 3 Rene Dupree is telling his date how beautiful she is, but it turns out to just be Fifi. Apparently Americans all want to be French, so he's bringing "Cafe de Rene" (that's French for "Rene's Cafe" in case you failed ninth grade French class) with special guest Torrie Wilson to SmackDown with him next week, even though Torrie isn't as beautiful as Fifi. And Torrie's on the cover of the Divas magazine even though the Gail Kim cover was 175 times hotter. Six months ago (October 16, 2003 if I'm not mistaken), The Big Show destroyed Eddy Guerrero and the Lowrider. Jamie By God Noble tells Charlie Haas not to waste his time stretching, because he's taking on Rico tonight, so it might as well just be an intergender match. Haas is on a roll and refuses to lose to Rico because he can counter anything Rico can dish out. Noble tells him to go ahead and counter all the gay stuff, but Haas excuses himself to go compete. Noble tells him not to let Rico get him from behind. Nunzio comes in and wishes him luck with a pat on the ass, and that makes Haas just a bit nervous. COMMERCIAL BREAK As if wrestling Rico wouldn't be distracting enough, you have Noble essentially playing Rico's mind games for him. You'd think that with everybody else getting a fresh start on their new shows that they could have given Rico the gimmick of...well, being Rico Constantino, but apparently not. Segment 4 One fall: Charlie Haas vs. Rico (w/Miss Jackie) Rico immediately does some flirting to back Haas off. Lockup, and Rico breaks cleanly but checks Haas out. Waistlock takedown by Haas and into a front facelock, and Haas calls him a sick freak. Rico reverses but does the gay act, and either it's getting over or that's extremely canned heat. Haas with a kick and a forearm, and into a chokehold. Tazz breaks out the Ricki Starr reference as Rico goes for a sunset flip...and nearly pulls Haas' trunks off. Haas is PISSED and turns the match into a brawl, then takes him down with a hiptoss. A series of crossfaces into the face, then a boot choke. Faceslam and a series of covers. Kneelift. Vertical suplex, but Rico lands behind him, grabs Charlie's ass, and kisses him flush on the lips. Haas leaves the ring and hops the guardrail. He tries to reenter, but Rico shows him a thong, and Haas gets counted out at 4:30 as he nearly hurls. God, I just ate too! 1/2* Bradshaw thanks Show for doing this and offers him a free stock tip or a pizza after the match, but Show says he's doing it for himself. COMMERCIAL BREAK It was actually a pretty decent matchup without all of Rico's gay act kicking in, but the problem is that a majority of the match was Rico's gay act kicking in. A shame too, because anybody who has seen Rico in Ohio Valley Wrestling knows that Rico can flat out go in the ring, so he doesn't need this gimmick to get himself over. But please don't have any more of these vomiting angles. Some of us eat during these shows. Segment 5 A vignette for the incoming Mordecai. I'm guessing either Christopher Daniels turned them down...or they're so ignorant that they don't even know who Christopher Daniels is. The gimmick still looks cool though. But so did Sean O'Haire's. Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: The Too Damn Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero (WWE Champion) Show attacks as Eddy enters the ring. Headbutt. Eddy tries to punch out, but Show uses the knee to the gut. Headbutt. Bodyslam. Eddy tries to punch back, but Show just shoves him down to the mat. Chokehold. Choke lift. Eddy with a thumb to the eye, then stomping on the foot. Show comes back with another headbutt. And another one for a count of 2. Corner whip, but Eddy side steps a charge. Off the top rope...but Show catches him and drives Eddy into the turnbuckle. Slap to the chest. And another. And he stands on the back of Eddy's head. Knucklelock. Show holds Eddy up by the left arm and drops him hard to the mat. A cover with one hand, and Eddy kicks out at 2. Eddy grabs Show's chest hair and rakes it to give himself some separation, but Show catches him in a bearhug and drops him throat first onto the top rope. Show charges but gets dumped over the top rope. Eddy goes for the pescadoe, but Show catches him...and Eddy sends him into the ringpost. COMMERCIAL BREAK A decent story being told so far, with Show simply outpowering Eddy and Eddy using his speed to keep himself in the match. But Show's been acting a bit cocky (the one-arm cover especially showing that), and could become a key factor. Segment 6 Show with a huge kickout as we return from break, and Eddy kicks and punches away at Show...until Show gets one punch in to regain control. Arm wringer, and Show works the left arm...the one that was injured in Eddy's first WWF match four years ago. Hammerlock using the top rope, and he punches away at the shoulder. Headbutts to the shoulder. A series of stomps, and a boot choke to the shoulder. Eddy with a couple of weak forearms, but Show with a headbutt. And again using the top rope to work the shoulder. Lifting him by the arm, and Eddy tries to counter with a sunset flip, but Show grabs him by the throat before turning it into a bearhug. Eddy slaps the ears but runs into a big boot. Punches to the shoulder. Eddy with a thumb to the eye and a couple of dropkicks. Clotheslines, and he's got Show rocking against the ropes, but Show clotheslines him coming in for one more shot. Headbutt, and Eddy rolls out of the ring. Eddy looks under the ring and grabs a wrench from the ring crew's toolbox...and he puts it in Show's boot as he comes toward him. Brian Hebner sees the wrench and accuses Show, and that distracts Show enough for Eddy to finally get some offense in and get a huge tornado DDT in. Show kicks out, and the force sends Eddy on top of Hebner. Show goes for a Choke Slam, but Eddy with a low blow and a DDT, then into the Frog Splash for the pin at 14:56 to force Big Show to quit. *1/4 Show argues that he kicked out, but Hebner doesn't budge. Eddy grabs the mic and leads the crowd in a round of "Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye". Show is nearly in tears as he walks toward the locker room with the crowd still singing to him. Show: "Why are you laughing? Why?" A quick look at RVD and Booker T's first night on SmackDown. COMMERCIAL BREAK Eh, it's not as if Show's actually going to quit since this is WWE and all. Odds are the most that will happen is he'll end up back on Raw once he's gotten that surgery he's been putting off. Whatever. The match itself was far from a technical masterpiece, but it told a great story: Eddy was outmatched for most of the contest but found a way to win. But what do you do with Show from here? And am I the only person actually willing to ask that question? Segment 7 Moments ago, Eddy Guerrero's victory forced The Big Show to quit SmackDown. Big Show walsk in the back, and Torrie Wilson is laughing with Jan the Makeup Lady. Torrie insists she was laughing at a joke, and Show thinks it was about him. Show threatens her but backs off, and Torrie decides that she'll just leave since she has no match. Theodore R. Long wants everybody to stand up and show their love for Mark Jindrak. Apparently Jindrak is playing "The Narcissist" Lex Luger version 2.0 as he looks at himself in a mirror while Long dubs him "The Reflection of Perfection". One fall: Mark Jindrak (w/Theodore R. Long) vs. Spike Dudley Of course, Jindrak attacked Spike last week when he was revealed as Long's new man. Jindrak gets a cheap shot in before the bell and taunts him. Spike gets the advantage and heads up top, but Jindrak throws one of the highest dropkicks I've ever seen to knock him down to the floor. Back in the ring, and Jindrak pounds away at him. Delayed vertical suplex and a nip-up. Spike with a battering ram, and he goes for the Dudley Dawg, but Jindrak takes him down with the Rock Bottom from the back suplex position to get the win at 1:38. 1/2* for the dropkick alone. Wow! Last week, RVD and Booker T went for tag team gold, but Booker T walked out on him. That match is next. COMMERCIAL BREAK The gimmick certainly has potential, and I think Jindrak can pull it off better than Luger did. And that dropkick was simply amazing. But can Jindrak bring the goods in the ring when he doesn't have one of the best bumpers in the business in the ring making him look like a million bucks? That's going to be the key test, and we'll find out in due time. Segment 8 Welcome to Indianapolis, but let's go to Rosemont and check out highlights of this past week's Raw. Torrie Wilson tries to leave, but The Big Show's waiting for her. Torrie still insists she wasn't laughing at Show, but Show doesn't believe her. She just wants to leave, but Show destroys her car. Show breaks down and cries, and Torrie tries to console him, but Show angrily tells her he doesn't need her pity and destroys even more of her car. Show claims he has to either be a man of his word or crawl back with his tail between his legs. And there goes the windshield. Torrie says she's scared, and Show says he'll scare her even more...and he tips her car over. Torrie finally just starts running away from Show. This is fucked up, even by WWE standards. COMMERCIAL BREAK Well, what I like about this is how well it puts over the stipulation. Show didn't want to quit, but he feels he has to since he said he would...but he's not happy about it and doesn't like people getting their jollies because of it. Hardly a perfect segment (mostly because the tone of Torrie's voice was right on but her facial expressions weren't -- she looked like she was laughing half the time), but a great job of selling the stipulation. Segment 9 Your hosts try to explain what we just saw but decide it's better to show us. One fall: Booker T vs. Rob..........Van..........Dam Give them some credit for trying to make this seem like a big deal even though they've only got last week's turn as actual buildup. RVD gets the first punch in before the bell. Spinning leg lariat and a series of punches. Kicks and punches in the corner. Baseball slide to the face. Booker to the floor a Tastykake break, and RVD goes out after him. He tosses Booker into the ring and heads up top...flying side kick. Standing moonsault for 2. Booker fighting back, but RVD reverses field and clotheslines Booker T over the top rope. Out to the floor after him, and RVD rams Booker into the guardrail. He places Booker on the guardrail, rolls in to break the count, then does his corkscrew legdrop onto the guardrail. COMMERCIAL BREAK A change of pace for RVD's matches, as instead of playing to the crowd as normal, he goes right after Booker T. A nice touch to put some emphasis as to the purpose of this match, which is "they don't like each other". Segment 10 Booker with a Hotshot to turn the tables as we return from break. Clothesline with the top rope. Reverse neckbreaker. Forearms. Elbowsmash. Kneedrop for 2. Reverse chinlock. RVD elbows out of it but damn near eats a leg lariat. Kicks to the midsection, and a field goal to the face. Kick to the midsection, RVD avoids a Scissors Kick, but Booker goes for the Book End...and RVD counters with a kick. A spin kick by RVD, and a series of forearm smashes. Spinning leg lariat. Turnbuckle smash. Thrust kick for 2. Boot to the face, and a split-legged moonsault for 2. Kick to the face. Booker misses a leg lariat, RVD hits a spinning back kick, and it's Rolling Thunder for 2. Belly-to-back suplex. Up top goes RVD....................but he misses the Five Star Frog Splash. Booker with a standing side kick that ties RVD into the ropes, and he hits a series of forearms while RVD is unable to defend himself. Booker continues to unload on RVD until Nick Patrick finally disqualifies him at 11:54. *3/4 RVD starts bleeding, and Booker gets in a hard as hell kick that sends RVD tumbling to the floor. And there's a Spinnaroonie just to add insult to injury. Up comes the copyright notice, but in comes a production team member to tell Angle that Show's got Torrie on a ledge and is threatening to toss her off. Angle runs as some smashing editing sends us to the ledge, and Torrie still claims she's not laughing even though she's smiling the whole time. Angle pleads with Show to let her go because it's his responsiblity if something happens to her. Show: "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!" Angle runs up to try to save her as Show says he'll make her scream. Ooo, kinky! Angle claims he'll give Show bigger problems than Eddy did, and Show responds by Choke Slamming Angle off of the ledge. Cut to a shot of Angle...and not only is body all contorted, but there appears to be blood coming from the back of his head. END OF SHOW Yeah, I'm disappointed that we didn't get a real finish to that contest, but it builds up to what could be a pretty decent rematch, probably at Judgment Day. But they've also set it up so that RVD could miss time due to "injury"...and last I heard his contract runs out in a couple of months. As far as the closing of the show goes...well, that looked horribly horribly staged and pretty much ruined any good they'd done with the previous segments. It leaves the door open for any number of things, particularly the return of Paul Heyman as GM if necessary, but it simply came off as too contrived. I mean, make up your mind. Are you going for a more realistic approach, which the slower action and sudden hometown changes are supposed to accomplish? Or are you still trying to do the soap opera stuff that doesn't always work? You're not going to be able to cater to both groups for long with alienating everybody at some point. Overall, decent but unspectacular wrestling combined with decent but unspectacular storyline development leads to a decent but unspectacular show. I understand they didn't want to really do anything major considering the Raw pay-per-view is this weekend and we need to save some of the good stuff for Judgment Day (which I guess is what they're doing with Nunzio vs. Chavo, which I'm positive was announced on Velocity for this show). This show certainly wasn't boring, but I didn't get the sense that I absolutely had to see this show or I would have been completely lost either. 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