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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA Raw from JHawk's Beak (7/19/2004) Segment 1 Last week, Evolution went on an ass kicking spree. And here comes Hungry Hungry Hippos to the ring in the MCI Center in Washington, DC. Good Ol' JR and The King are here to call all the action! A somber Triple H knows a lot of us aren't happy about what he did last week, and he's not too proud either, because that was even below him. He talks about how bad he feels, and the crowd ain't buying it. And just when he thought he could feel that bad...he farted and felt better. Triple H has a message for Eugene: "I hate you. I was never your friend." Thank you, Hunter Hearst Obvious. He tries to say everybody hates him and claims that the boos are for Eugene. Everybody's ashamed of Eugene, including his mom. Eugene has no business being in WWE and trying to be normal. He's pathetic, and since he might not understand such a big word, watch the tape of last week where William Regal and Chris Benoit tried to get Eugene help after the show and started crying. HHH: "There's no crying in wrestling!" This brings out Eric Bischoff, who agrees with Triple H. Apparently Eugene is gone from Raw forever (huh?), and Bischoff wants to reward Triple H and top SmackDown at the same time. Because next week, Chris Benoit defends the World Heavyweight Title against Triple H...in a 60-minute Ironman Match. Pittsburgh, huh? Bischoff gives Triple H the night off to prepare, but Heaven forbid he give Benoit the same courtesy, as he'll face Batista tonight. Hunter claims no one can hang with him for an hour, and he'll beat Benoit like he beat Eugene and give him something to cry about. Here comes William Regal to a nice pop (and no music for a bit of realism for a change), and he's not afraid to shed a tear or two...and he's not afraid of Triple H either. He hopes Eugene is watching because he has something or him...and he goes to town with a series of hard left hands before kicking Triple H out of the ring. Bischoff immediately calls for security as Regal continues to beat Hunter on the outside, and security finally drags Regal to the back. Tonight, Edge vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Title. Plus, the Raw Diva Search begins. COMMERCIAL BREAK Excellent segment. Triple H finally reveals the master plan to all, Eric Bischoff signs what should be a match of the year candidate as a result, and William fucking Regal gets a monster pop and a pretty decent rub for simply unloading on Triple H. Hot damn, when things start to click, they really start to click. Let's hope they click next week in Pittsburgh for that main event...and let's hope I can find someone willing to drive to Pittsburgh (and able to affod a ticket) so I can see it live. Segment 2 La Resistance stands in the middle of our nation's capital, and they want to use the First Amendment to sing the Canadian National Anthem in French. This is actually brilliant, as for all we know, Grenier just doesn't know the words. One fall: Sylvain Grenier (World Tag Team Champion--w/Robert Conway) vs. Tajiri Yoshihiro (w/Rhyno) Tajiri leads a USA chant before the bell. Tajiri goes for an early handspring elbow, but Grenier runs in to early and simply falls backward without contact being made. JR: "Grenier getting popped in the face there." Sure, JR, whatever. Spinning heel kick, and a kick to the leg for Conway. Grenier takes Tajiri down with a suplex and hits a kneedrop for 2. Shoulderblocks in the corner. Choke against the ropes. Dropkick after a corner whip for 2. Backbreaker for 2. Reverse chinlock. Tajiri coming back with kicks and chops, and this time he hits the handspring elbow for 2. Superkick for 2. Grenier avoids the Buzzsaw Kick and gets a roll up for 2. Corner whip, but Tajiri goes into the Tarantula. Rhyno distracts Chad Patton as he tries to prevent Conway's interference, but that doesn't work, and Grenier hits a wheelbarrow faceslam for the pin at 3:31. 3/4* Clips of the weekend's house shows. The Highlight Reel is next. COMMERCIAL BREAK This probably would have been just fine had it not been for a couple of mistimed spots early. The story is simple, as the two teams are trading singles wins as they prepare for an eventual tag team title match. Simple, easy, and to the point, although Grenier was exposed as still being too green for this type of spotlight. Segment 3 Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel! And Y2J+4 welcomes us by quoting George Washington: "I really really enjoy my job, junior." The ten guests on the Highlight Reel are the finalists in the Raw Diva Search. My official prediction is still Carmella, but the redhead's the only one that looks like she's actually having fun out there. Between 10pm and 4am Eastern, fans vote for their favorite diva, and the one with the least amount of votes is gone next week. The candidates: Michelle, Christy, Julia, Camille, Maria, Tracie, Carmella, Chandra, Amy, and Joy. Carmella got the only pop, with Tracie of all people getting a mixed reaction. Jericho says there's an immunity envelope in the GM's office, and whoever finds it cannot be eliminated this week. Jericho leads them to Bischoff's office, telling them the whole way down that it could be hidden literally anywhere. Into Bischoff's office go the divas, and they start tearing the office completely apart. One of them is losing her skirt in the search. In comes Bischoff, who asks what's going on. "We had a party." Amy: "Eugene said we could come in here." Huh? Maria tells him they were looking for the immunity envelope, and Bischoff informs them that there is no immunity. Tracie stooges Jericho off, and Bischoff tells them that messing with him is the dumbest thing they could do, "and looking at you, that says a lot." COMMERCIAL BREAK OK, does Amy Weber even watch the product? I couldn't tell if she was afraid to stooge Jericho off, or if she honestly thought Jericho was actually Eugene. Either way, only Bischoff's little tirade was entertaining enough to salvage a segment that the crowd clearly didn't care about. Hell, the other girls might as well have not even been out there with the 2004 Playmate of the Year being in the ring, because she's the only one anybody actually cared about. Segment 4 One fall: Tyson Tomko (w/WWE Women's Champion Trish the Bitch) vs. The Hurricane Hurricane brings My Future Wife to the ring with him. I've always liked The Hurricane. Tomko stares Stacy down as Hurricane attacks from behind. Tomko on the floor, and he's distracted by Stacy's...um...stretching...which allows Hurricane to get in a baseball slide. Back in the ring, and Tomko tosses Hurricane throat first onto the top rope. Chokehold. Corner whip, and Tomko runs into an elbow. Neckbreaker. Hurricane with a dropkick as JR announces Jericho vs. Kane for tonight. Trish provides a distraction, leading to the Big Boot and pin for Tomko in 2:16. Lawler: "Distractions all over the place." So was this match. 1/4* Postmatch, Trish jabs Stacy in the ribs with the cast and tosses her into the ring. Tomko goes to press slam her, but out comes Rosey with a full blown superhero outfit to clear the ring...and he gets a "Rosey" chant from the crowd and a hug from The Hurricane. The Man WHOO! tells Batista that Benoit is his...and Hunter wants to talk about the match tonight. COMMERCIAL BREAK Two noteworthy things about that segment. 1. Stacy Keibler's legs. 2. Rosey finally graduates to full-blown superhero after a year of being in training. Which I'm surprised people cared about since they haven't done anything at all with it in six months. At least they're trying to get in some character development for some of these guys. Segment 5 Your hosts discuss Ric Flair's book, and Lawler acknowledges Flair's comments about Bret Hart and Mick Foley. But not their rebuttals. Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Chris Benoit (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Batista (w/The Man WHOO!) A chop by Benoit has no effect, and Batista tosses Benoit to the mat. Shoulderblock. Knees. Shoulderblocks in the corner. Knee to the midsection. Chokehold. Benoit slips behind and goes right into the rolling Germans. Benoit calls for the headbutt, but Batista gets to his knees...so Benoit takes him down with a baseball slide instead. Backbreaker by Batista. Chokehold. Forearm to the back. Chokeholds. Benoit side steps a charge and goes for the sharpshooter, but Batista keeps kicking him away. Benoit suplexes the big man instead, and they take the battle to the floor. Batista's arm hits the ringpost, and Benoit tries the Crippler Crossface, but Batista tosses the champion into the post. Batista rolls in and out of the ring to break the count, then focuses on the neck and chest before rolling Benoit back into the ring and doing more choking. Vertical suplex, and then yet another chokehold. Knees to the back and ribs. A series of punches. Another chokehold. Knees to the midsection. Shoulderblocks to the midsection. Benoit with a flurry, but he gets taken down with a hard sidewalk slam. No cover, as Batista goes to town with hard right hands. Batista straddles Benoit on the ropes in such a way that his foot gets tangled up, and Batista pounds away on him with kicks to the head until Earl Hebner finally has enough and disqualifies Batista in 6:40. * Referees try to check on Benoit, but Batista takes him down with a Sitout Power Bomb for good measure. The Intercontinental Title is on the line in our main event. COMMERCIAL BREAK Not a good match by any means, as Batista essentially did three or four moves the entire match, but I do like the story they were telling with it. JR noted that Batista never made one attempt to pin Benoit, and that means his orders from Triple H were to try to injure Benoit, or at least weaken him enough to where it will be easier for Hunter to win the championship next week. Again, a simple story, but one that's easy to follow and gets the point across. Segment 6 Moments ago, Batista tried to injure Benoit, and Benoit was helped to the locker room during the break. Lita walks backstage and finds Matt Hardy v.1.0, and she wants to talk. Matt doesn't know how to take this, but she tells him where she stands. She loves him and wants to be with him, but she's having the baby whether he's there or not. Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton, and Orton takes offense to being told he lost at Vengeance. Just look at that T-shirt. All the legends he's taken out. He didn't actually take out Harley Race, but OK. Orton says he's regaining the title, and in comes Edge to say he doesn't want to be a statistic on a Randy Orton T-shirt. Orton always needs assurance, and Edge said he probably would too "if my dad made his living by being Rowdy Roddy Piper's personal bitch. But if Cowboy Bob had worn a condom instead of a cast all those years, we wouldn't be having this conversation." Orton says he'll make Edge his bitch. The voting for the Diva Search is...well, closed by now since it's already Tuesday, but whatever. COMMERCIAL BREAK Hopefully the Hardy-Lita segment will calm people's fears that they'll run with an abortion angle. And hopefully we get more interview segments like that: Short, simple, to the point. That seems to be the running theme of the night. Segment 7 One fall: Y2J+4 vs. Kane A rematch from last week, where Jericho won by DQ, and set up due to the diva search garbage earlier tonight. Jericho attacks Kane before the bell. It quickly turns into a brawl, which of course is to Kane's benefit. Big boot by Kane. Elbowdrops. Big Leg Drop for 2. Jericho with forearms and chops, but Kane reverses a corner whip and follows up with a clothesline. Chinlock. Boot to the back of the neck. Corner whip, but Jericho avoids a charge. Jericho with a flying elbow smash for 2. Jericho ducks the big boot and chop blocks Kane, then goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Kane kicks him away. Drop toehold into the ropes by Jericho, followed by the Squisher (tm Kevin Nash). Bulldog, but he misses the Lionsault, and Kane tosses Jericho to the floor. Jericho pushes Kane into the ringpost, then hits the enzuigiri. Jericho rolls into the ring and gets a countout victory at 4:16. BUT WAIT! Eric Bischoff comes out and decides arbitrarily that this match is now falls count anywhere. There's the bell. COMMERCIAL BREAK This hasn't been a good match to begin with, and now we go into one of my least favorite booking tools: changing the stipulations of a match after the match has already started. This is the equivalent to playing the first half of an NFL game and saying that running out of bounds is legal in the second half. Sounds silly, doesn't it? Not if you're a member of WWE creative, I guess. Segment 8 Kane charges, but Jericho pulls down the top rope, and Kane tumbles to the floor. Jericho comes off the top onto Kane with a plancha and covers for 2. During the break, Kane sent Jericho into the set, while live, Jericho chokes Kane. Kane sends Jericho into the barricade and covers for 2. Into the crowd they go. Kane punches Jericho as they go through the crowd. Into a steel barricade separating the bleachers from the floor seats, and a cover for 2. Thumb to the eye. Kane drags Jericho around the ring and rams Jericho into the hockey wall, but Jericho counters a charge and sends Kane headfirst into it. Jericho grabs the camera crane and rams it into Kane's face. He covers, but Batista grabs him and rams him into the wall. A clothesline by Batista. Kane crawls over and covers for the pin at 12:05 total. *3/4 for the whole thing. Batista stands over Jericho. COMMERCIAL BREAK A much better effort once it became falls count anywhere, and for one major reason. Falls actually counted anywhere. A vast majority of the time, a falls count anywhere match gives them an excuse to brawl on the floor for a while, but they rarely actually try to win matches on the floor. This time they actually used the stipulation to its fullest, which made for good drama, as you weren't sure exactly when the match would end. Why we must continue the Batista-Jericho feud...at least with Batista as the aggressor...is beyond me, as Jericho should be the one with the beef after the cheap loss at Vengeance. Segment 9 Live from the MCI Center in Washington, DC, and we acknowledge some US troops in attendance that were wounded in battle overseas. Your hosts inform us that Linda McMahon, Mick Foley, and Stacy Keibler will be part of the Democratic National Convention in August, and then we go into highlights of the Diva Search Casting Special. Shouldn't we have shown this before the Highlight Reel? Coach shows us the diva finalists again, this time in bikinis. Since the crowd has already booed this one out of the building, you probably should have dropped this part of it. The SmackDown Rebound focuses on Bradshaw retaining his title against Eddy Guerrero, thanks to Kurt Angle. The main event is next! COMMERCIAL BREAK Well, the crowd went from hating the diva stuff to being apathetic about it. I suppose that's an improvement. Nothing else of note here. The great part is they're literally forced to piss off their entire fanbase for the next two months. Segment 10 Next week, the 60-minute Ironman Match for the World Heavyweight Championship, and if I heard JR right, we'll be opening with it. He said "top of the hour" but not which hour, so... One fall for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Randy Orton vs. Edge (champion) Side headlock by Orton. Drop toehold into a front facelock, but Edge is quickly out of it. Go-behind by Edge, into a waistlock takedown. Standing switch, and Edge with an armdrag. Orton counters into a scissors, and both men back up to miss dropkicks. Arm wringer by Edge. Orton pushes him to the corner. Edge reverses a whip and is backdropped onto the apron, and Edge drapes Orton's left arm onto the top rope. Edge quickly pounds away at the left shoulder to work over the injured body part. Snapping arm wringer. Orton reverses a whip and sends Edge hard into the top rope, and Orton into that side backbreaker. Edge rolls to the floor, and Orton follows, taking Edge onto the security railing with a back suplex. That was pretty sweet. COMMERCIAL BREAK A slow start, as we attempt to establish what the strategies should be for the rest of the match: Orton working Edge's back (and probably neck to set up the RKO), while Edge should work over Orton's shoulder. How long will they stick to that strategy though? Segment 11 Orton with a chinlock. Edge tries to come back, but Orton uses a series of forearms to knock him back down. Kneedrop for 2. Back to the chinlock. Sleeperhold. Edge fights out of it, but both men go for high cross bodies at the same time and collide in mid-ring. Both men to their feet, and they exchange forearms. Edge finally gets the better of it, and down goes Orton. Russian legsweep for 2. Orton reverses a whip and hits a beautiful dropkick for 2. Up top, but he misses the frog bodypress, and Edge uses an Oklahoma roll for 2. Edge with a front suplex to drop Orton onto the top rope, and a spear sends Orton off the apron and into the barricade. Edge rolls Orton back in and heads to the top...missile dropkick for 2! Orton avoids the spear, but Edge avoids the corner and takes Orton down with the Edgeomatic for 2. Flying bodypress, but Edge misses Orton and hits Mike Chioda instead. Thumb to the eye and a European uppercut by Orton, and now he heads to the outside and grabs a chair. Edge uses a spear to avoid a chair shot, but there's no referee to make the count. Orton with a low blow that Chioda didn't see, and there's the RKO! A cover, but Chioda is still groggy, so he makes a very slow 2 count. Edge with an elbow and a spear, and he lands on top of Orton, and Chioda with another slow count of 2...and that was one of the best false finishes I've ever seen. Seriously. Orton goes for the RKO, but Edge counters with a backslide...and uses the feet on the ropes for the pin at 16:00. That's two weeks in a row that goody-two-shoes Edge has resorted to cheating to retain his title. *** Next Monday night, watch at the top of the hour for the one hour Ironman Match as Triple H tries to regain the World Heavyweight Title from Chris Benoit. END OF SHOW That last six minutes or so was some of the most entertaining wrestling that's been on either show in weeks. The main problem I had was they established one set of strategy before the break and didn't focus on any of it in the second half of the match, which is the main reason this match only gets a slightly above average rating. And before I get asked "Don't the headlocks bring it down?", the answer is no, and I'll tell you why. Pay close attention to how Orton works a headlock. He moves his body around to apply more leverage to the hold. Basically, he tries to make it mean something and not just make it a resthold. If he worked with someone who knew how to sell it as such, most people would enjoy his matches a whole lot more. Granted, since he probably did a lot of headlocks during the break, we'll probably all think the match was better than it really was as a result. On a side note: They either need to turn Edge heel or have him explain why he's been using the ropes for leverage, because I don't know how long the crowds will be willing to accept their favorites cheating to win...at least when their last name isn't Guerrero. Overall, a middle-of-the-road show. Hey, outside of the diva search crap, I wasn't bored with any of it, but let's be honest here. Outside of the main event, you had some mediocre wrestling throughout most of the show. I do like that they used a lot of simple plot devices to try to move things along, and next week's show is almost a guaranteed thumbs up unless they royally screw up that Ironman Match...but shouldn't we be focusing on SummerSlam rather than some random Raw at this point? Send the feedback, yo. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |