The final RAW on Spike and the final Royal Treatment on TSM. Quite a show they should give us, don’t you think?
Trish Stratus © (w/Ashley) vs. Victoria (w/Nails on a Chalkboard) (Women’s title)
Some nice bumps from the women in this match. They head outside to start and Trish is dumped into the crowd, but comes back with a clothesline off the barrier. Victoria takes control back in the ring and goes up; blocking a Stratusphere attempt by grabbing her legs, but Trish pulls herself up. They brawl on top but end up toppling to the floor in what might have been a blown spot, but I’m not sure. Back in, Trish hits a spinebuster for 2 and does the Matrix dodge to avoid a clothesline before hitting the bulldog, but Torrie and Candace run in for the DQ. She fights them off while Ashley doesn’t do much of anything until she (slowly and carefully) pulls Candace’s dress off. Candace acts all ashamed that she’s in her underwear (uh-huh, right) and grabs a mic. The closed captioning says that she challenges Trish and Ashley to a 3-on-2 Bra and Panties match next week.
Big Show vs. Snitsky (Street Fight)
Just a bunch of weapons shots. Show hits Snitsky with the kitchen sink for the pin. Coach reveals that Spike is censoring them from saying USA, though the more cynical part of me doesn’t put it past Vince and WWE to censor themselves and blame Spike for it as a parting shot for running UFC and TNA ads during RAW. Believe me, Vince can be that petty (RTC anyone?)
A recap of the Flair/Carlito feud and Flair gets some sugar from Maria.
Flair walks out to the stage with a sledgehammer and tells Carlito and Masters that he will get even next week when “my best friend” returns: HHH. HHH, of course, gets a video package to hype his return.
Bischoff and Cena have another confrontation. I really don’t care a lick about either of these guys anymore.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White (w/Caddy)
Kerwin chokes Benjamin with his golf shirt but Benjamin rallies. White avoids the Stinger splash but Shelton holds on top and hits a clothesline. White to the apron and Benjamin tries a suplex, but the Caddy hooks Shelton’s foot (though in a Nitro-level fuckup, the camera completely missed it) and White falls on top for the pin. Benjamin attacks, so the Caddy breaks a club on his back.
A ladder is set up in the ring, which baffles the announcers. Gee, you morons, you think this might mean that either Edge or Matt is coming out?
Sure enough, here comes Edge and Lita. Edge sits on top of the ladder. Lita (wearing a neckbrace) says that what Matt did to her proves what a loser he is and mentions the irony that on the first RAW on Spike 5 years ago, Matt and Edge were in a ladder match as part of their respective tag teams. Edge does a great job putting the match over next week, saying that the loser will not only lose the match, but he will lose his career. While Matt has blown every opportunity that has come his way, Edge thrives in do-or-die situations and has never lost a ladder match. Matt hits the ring and tips the ladder, teasing pushing Edge off before actually doing it, with the intention of crotching Edge on the top rope, but Edge falls short, landing hard on his side. Well, that was a little risky and pointless. It would have been better if Matt just teased him.
Theodore Long walks into Bischoff’s office, wanting Smackdown to have a little exposure, which Bischoff refuses….until Vince walks in and likes the idea, after which Bischoff is all for it. Vince tells Long to put together a big Smackdown match for Homecoming and announce it on Friday. Long leaves and Bischoff tries again to get out of the match with Cena, but Vince again talks him into it by stroking his ego and telling him that winning the title would make this RAW memorable (for all the wrong reasons) and would shake up the WWE.
Cade and Murdoch vs. Val Venis and Viscera (non-title)
The champs double team Venis in the opening minutes, but he manages to make the hot tag and Viscera completely destroys the tag champs, leading to a Venis Money Shot, but Cade grabs the ref’s hand before he can make the three count, drawing a DQ. What the hell was the point of that? Why the hell would you make your tag team champions look like such chumps against a guy that no one gives a flying fuck about?
Masters and Carlito try to come up with a plan for tonight’s main event.
Eugene vs. Rob Conway
I should point out that Coach and Lawler are acting like little kids about now, constantly repeating “USA Network” to just piss Spike execs off. Of course, Vince is probably telling them to do it.
Anyway, Eugene channels JYD while Conway channels Scott Steiner while I change channels to MNF. Crap, it’s a blowout. Eugene hits a spinebuster and the People’s Elbow (hey hey, there’s only room for ONE Rock impersonation on this show, pal). He drops into the 3-point stance, but Conway grabs his doll and rips it apart, hitting the Ego Trip for the pin.
Smackdown Rebound, focusing on that STUPID Eddie/Batista angle.
They run down Homecoming, which is only four matches right now (Cena/Bischoff, HBK/Angle, Edge/Matt and the women’s match), which means this will be a show with enough filler with the “Guest Stars” and Legends to fill the Grand Canyon. I’ll watch the ladder match and the Iron Man, but I’ll be on UFC and MNF most of the night.
Carlito and Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels and John Cena (Tables match)
Only one guy has to go through a table for his team to lose this one. Cena’s getting Jeff Hardy pops for his entrance lately: screaming girls and not much else. The faces control and Cena gets a table, but Carlito cuts him off while Michaels and Masters brawl in the ring. Carlito tries a suplex through it, but Cena blocks it and rams him into the apron. In the ring, Michaels tunes up the band, but Masters bails. He sees Carlito on the apron and tries it, but he ducks and Michaels kicks the ref off the apron and through the table (though it didn’t break at all, just split, which must have hurt). A new ref slides in as we take a break.
Coming back, Cena tries an FU on Masters, but Carlito boots him and Masters gets the Lock, but Michaels saves and Carlito DDTs him. The heels control and take the fight outside. Carlito gets a table ready for Masters to press Shawn onto, but Cena tackles Carlito and tips it over. Shawn tries a comeback, but Masters whips him hard into the corner, toppling Michaels to the outside. They double team Cena and bring a table in, setting it up in the corner. They try to whip him, but Michaels does a nice save by spearing Cena to the mat. The faces make the rally and hit stereo 5 Knuckle Shuffles and stereo 10 punches in the corner. Michaels dumps Carlito while Cena FUs Masters and sets him up on a table, but Angle and Bischoff run down. Angle pounds Cena down, so Michaels goes up to try and elbow Masters through the table, but Angle pushes him off through a table on the floor to apparently give Carlito and Masters a win (buh?) Cena goes for the FU on Angle, but Bischoff low blows him and Angle Angle Slams Cena through the table. Eric taunts Cena and holds the belt high. The announcers incessantly plug USA as we fade to black. Not as fun as the tag match last week.
Final Thoughts: Yeah, they’re building up Homecoming well, but what happens after it is what will be the question. Will they use next week to just pop a big rating or will they use next week to build some new feuds for the rest of the year? Time will tell.
So, that’s it. Thank you for reading and sending feedback to me for the past year or so of Royal Treatments. I’ll see you on the forums.
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