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From TheSmartMarks.com Movies / TV Ask Metal Ed DEAR METAL ED: I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 24. We love each other, but I'm scared to tell my mom. How can I convince her that he's a good person who loves me?--ANXIOUS IN ALBANY You just gotta give it to her straight. Tell her, "Ma, I got this 24 year old dude I been screwin'. I'm keepin the baby." You probly wanna get pregnant before you say that last part. Ain't nothing she can do about it anyway. She might could push you down the stairs, I guess. I don't know what your family situation's like. You just gotta do like what Metal Ed did when I decided to get that Maiden tattoo on my arm. Show it to her, let her yell at you, and then don't go gettin in no trouble after that. Play your Rock Box real low at night, don't drink too much in the house, and try to not be all moaning and stuff when you're screwing that 24 year old dude in your room. That oughta do it. If she's still pissed, kill her. Nah, I'm just kidding. All you gotta do is rough her up a little. DEAR METAL ED: I was looking for some pictures on the computer and opened a file of my dad's. A glance told me it was pornography and I quickly closed it. I felt dirty. I'm pretty sure my mom has no idea. I don't know if I should confront Dad. What do I do?--DISTURBED IN DENVER Just don't go lookin in Metal Ed's underwear drawer, that's for sure. Or under my mattress, neither. Probly wanna avoid the cupboards and that one Crisper drawer in my fridge, too. I don't even see what your problem is. If I had a daughter--and I'm still tellin you that Wanda's baby ain't mine, since it don't even have a mullet or nothin--I wouldn't put up with her tryin to expose my stash. Daughter or not, Metal Ed don't tolerate no bullshit. My advice is to mind your own damn business and don't go snooping around in your dad's computer. And if it's some of that barely legal stuff, my e-mail address is [email protected]. I already got a collection and stuff, but it don't hurt to add none. DEAR METAL ED: My gym teacher flirts with the girls in my class. He looks down our shirts and touches us. I've told many people, and the say I'm exaggerating or that I should ignore him. I need some real advice!--VIOLATED IN VALLEY FORGE We had a dude like that up to the junkyard for a while. His name was Willy and he was a pretty weird dude. He was always feeling up on Metal Ed and asking me if I was urinating normal and stuff. Plus, he listened to fucking country music and wouldn't let me play my Rock Box when he workin with me. One time we were out tryin to move this old stove when he started all lickin my face and stuff. I'm not even kidding, dude. I didn't know what to do. He tried grabbing my ass through my jeans and that's when I had to crack his skull. Metal Ed ain't go no problem with queers or nothin, but I ain't gonna have no old dude grabbin up on my ass. That just ain't gonna happen. I ain't at liberty to talk about what happened after that, since the investigation's still open. What I figure you should do is just let the old dude get his jollys. This ain't like with Metal Ed and Willie, since you chicks ain't got a badass reputation to uphold. As long as he don't try to do you or nothin, I don't see no problem with it. If I was a gym teacher with a bunch of hot high school chicks, I'd probly do it, too. You chicks are asking for it when you wear them short shorts and stuff, anyway. Dude probly just can't help himself. Send questions for Metal Ed, concerns, thoughts, etc. to [email protected] © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |
