BRV Recap: WWE Super Tuesday
By Byron Vester
Nov 13, 2002, 09:21
Hey yo… guess who drew the short straw to recap this! Sadly, the RAW match bored me so much that when I tried to tape the West feed of “24”, I fuckin’ fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the damned credits were rolling. Ugh… This’ll be the first time I’ve ever done this, so please take it easy on a brotha, ‘kay?
WWE Super Tuesday
- Your party hosts are as always for RAW- Good Ole JR and Jerry “The Pedo” Lawler and for Smackdown- Mitchell Cole and Tazzzzzzzzzz(nice suit, man).
- Before we even get into anything else, Stephanie McChest(via pre-taped promo) announces a triple threat match for the Smackdown tag titles between Los Guerreros, Edge/Rey, and Angle/Benoit for the PPV on Sunday. Way to wait til damn near the last minute, Steph. And, while I’m thinking about it, when will any of these guys do more than just trade wins back and forth? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m loving the great matches and all, but seriously, ever since SummerSlam, we’ve seen damn near every combination of Angle/Benoit/Eddy/Edge/Rey and it seems like the end isn’t anywhere in sight. Of course, why push a good worker when you can shove fat, no talent hack hosses down the fans’ collective throats, eh Vince?
- Smackdown match: Edge vs. Eddy Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit- Edge gets jumped by Benoit while Eddy stays on the outside to start. Chris kicks his ass from corner to corner til Edge gets a backdrop and legdrop for 2, brother. Eddy picks this time to join the others and kicks Edge’s ass. Reverse elbow as the crowd chants “Eddy sucks!”, but Benoit Pearl Harbors him and gets a backdrop. Chops in the corner and Edge revives to pay homage to his Canadian heritage, but Benoit kneelifts him on a reversal for two as Eddy breaks the count. Double clothesline and everyone is out at 3:00 as we hit the commercial break. I hate that shit. We come back with Eddy getting a backdrop and attempting to hook the El Paso Lasso on Edge til Benoit dropkicks him to end that and hits a snap suplex for two. Edge with flapjacks to both Eddy and Chris, but he gets caught up top and we get a dropkick version of the Doomsday Device on Guerrero. Cool. Edge gets two off of it, then Benoit drops him on his head with a nice looking release German. OUCH… Eddy gets what I’d laughably call the brainbuster for two and then heads up to the top, Esse. He misses the frog splash and Edge plants him with the half-nelson bulldog, but Benoit gets HIM with the Crossface. Guerrero tries to interrupt and he gets caught in it as well! Damn, whenever you need a wicked ass transition to the Crossface, just call Chris Benoit. An Edge dropkick breaks it up he spears Chris out of the ring. Edgeacution on Eddy and Chavito comes down to ensure that the ref calls the match fairly. Edge, being the cheating bastard that he is, shows his appreciation by baseball sliding Chavo and that wipes out the ref. Lousy cheaters. Chavo shows him the errors of his ways, but Rey Rey breaks up the lesson and beats up Chavo, that bastard. Back in the ring, Eddy tries the ‘buster again and gets Crossfaced as a result. Since there’s no ref, Angle helpfully picks him up and rolls him in the ring, which somehow breaks up the hold. That pisses off Chris and he yells at Angle like an idiot. Eddy rolls him up from behind with a hand full of tights(RUDO~!) for the three count at 10:41(about 7:00 shown). Neat little match, but I don’t know how long they can keep tossing the same 6 guys out there together until the fans just stop giving a flying fuck. **1/2.
- Big Slow interview: We get a video of the “thrilling” Slow/Lesnar feud and Slow’s squashing of Matt Hardy(of course) and Heyman’s comments(“You can’t beat the Big Show!”). Who gives a damn about this crap? Show actually gets a reaction from the fans! Yeah, I’m as shocked as you are. He quotes Heyman’s line from the video again and says he’ll be the next WWE Champion and then leaves. Well… that was certainly useless.
- The Elimination Chamber video from RAW is aired again as I ponder how much money is wasted on this contrived horseshit, but hey, what do I know?
- Interpromotional Bikini Challenge: Trish Stratus vs. Torrie Wilson- We get spared having to see and hear Jerry masterbate as Tazz handles the judge duties, thank God. Mitchell Cole tops himself as he states while Torrie comes down, “I like lollipops!”. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any easier to crack on Cole, he always manages to outdo himself. As far as the bikinis themselves go, they are nothing special. I know they probably can’t do anything seriously risqué seeing as it’s on UPN and not TNN, but come on, this is some really tame crap here just so the teenage geeks can have whack-off material. And just when it couldn’t get any dumber, Nidia runs in and trips up Torrie. Trish kicks her ass with the worst forearms this side of RVD and the faces all hug while she runs. Bleh.
- Shawn Micheals interview: You know, maybe it would have been a good idea to have a couple more matches on this show instead all the talking and gratuitous T&A. Highlight video of all the crap that’s gone down since SummerSlam is shown as I start to rapidly lose patience with this show. HBK babbles on and on, not saying anything of note other than he will not allow Triple H to win the match. Interesting…
- Those Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth promos with Brock are pretty damn good. I may even been tempted to try the game out even though I swore off the Smackdown games after Know Your Role.
- RAW match: Team Jobber and Triple H vs. Team Midcard- Jeff Hardy and Jamal start off. Jamal kicks Hardy’s ass and tags in Christian, who gets caught and beat up. Bubba is tagged in and Flip, Flop, and Fly gets two. Flapjack and Van Dam is in next. Jamal is tagged in again and misses a corner charge. Second rope sidekick gets two, but Jamal destroys him with a discus clothesline. God comes in, punches RVD into goo and signals for King of the Jobbers to take over. Jericho with a backdrop, but misses a dropkick and eats Rolling Thunder. God and the Corpsefucker are tagged in and the power of necrophilia proves to be too much for even God. Double clothesline on Trips and Christian and then Kane gets a sidewalk slam on Hunter. Top rope clothesline gets two after Jamal breaks it up. Pier-six brawl now and RVD kicks Jericho’s ass in the ring until Chris gets the Walls off of a rana attempt. Booker T breaks that up and hits the axe kick and Spineroonie, but eats the Inverted DDT from Christian, but then HE gets Bubba-bombed. Jericho knocks Bubba out of the ring and then Booker returns the favor. Jeff hits the Swanton, but 3 Minute Warning kills him dead. Jamal goes up for the Fat Boy Splash(with Jeff being damn near halfway across the ring), but Kane catches and chokeslams him off the top. God gets back in the ring and gets backdropped out of a Pedigree attempt and chokesdlammed for two as Christian breaks it up. Kane press slams him onto Rosie and Rico outside of the ring and then Jericho gets in a missile dropkick and looks to have hurt his knee. Van Dam gets the 5-Star on Jamal and Van-Daminates Jericho. Somersault plancha from Rob onto Team Jobber. Kane decides he wants to try one too like an idiot and gets chaired in the back by Flair. Pedigree finishes off the Big Red Retard at around 8:44. All the heels pose together on the rampway as I wonder what the hell happened to Jericho’s decree from RAW. Bleh, the usual RAW clusterfuck main event served to show that HHH is the star of the show. *
- Final Thoughts: Not a bad special, but they should have used all the time wasted on extracurricular horseshit on like one more match, but as usual, Smackdown tries saves the day, too bad it didn't work this time around. The triple threat match was pretty good for what it was, but like I said before, they need to actually DO SOMETHING instead of having all the upper-midcard ride the Merry-Go-Round as far as pushes are concerned.
Hope you guys enjoyed my first try at this. Be sure to check out Dr. Tom’s double shot today and tomorrow as he drops The Midweek News and The Smackdown Report. I’ll catch ya later on Sunday, bootches.
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