TNA
Raw from JHawk's Beak (November 25)
By Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Nov 25, 2002, 22:17

Raw from JHawk's Beak (November 25)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

Something got lost in the translation: One brief non-wrestling thing before we get into tonight's show. Congratulations to the Ohio State Buckeyes for securing their spot in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl (and it's about damn time they have a coach who can actually win a big game). But shame on any of you who were active in those postgame riots. Why are you destroying shit when you won? That's for being screwed on the game winning play! Pathetic.

Onto tonight's show, which looks like one of the best shows all year (at least on paper). RVD vs HBK! Christian and Jericho vs. Booker T and Goldust! Bubba Ray vs. Rico! OK, so that one should suck, but hey, three title matches, and quite possibly no Triple H. If it's smartly booked, this could rock. Let's find out.

Segment 1

Fireworks! Cue the crowd! We're live from the North Charleston Coliseum in North Charleston, South Carolina! Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam in one of Raw's most anticipated matches of the year! But first...

For the World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz vs. Y2J+2 and ChrisTIAN (champions)

Um...this is not the match on the wwe.com preview. Where the fuck is Booker T? Since he has an unresolved issue with Jericho and all? Sign in crowd: "Raw is worse than Nitro." And yet you paid for a front row seat. We have a bell, and it's D-Von and Jericho to start. D-Von gets the better of a shoving match, and it's D-Von with right hands and a clothesline. More punches, but Jericho gets a boot a forearm off the second rope. Tag to Christian, and he pounds away at D-Von. Off the ropes, but D-Von back with an elbow. Tag to Bubba, and he pounds on Christian. And a hard chop. And another. And he pulled the singlet aside before throwing them in a subtle but cool bit of psychology. Neckbreaker for a cover. In comes D-Von, and a double flapjack and a cover. Jericho goes for the save, but Jericho ends up hitting Christian. D-Von goes after Jericho, and Christian is able to get an inverted backbreaker before tagging Jericho. Series of elbowdrops from Jericho and a count of 2. Forearm smash and the tag to Christian. D-Von fights back but gets a knee to the midsection. JR and the King are discussing the rules. How's that for a change of pace? Mounted punches in the corner, but D-Von slips underneath and gets the neckbreaker. Tag on each end, and Bubba clotheslines Jericho down. High backdrop, then one for Christian. Up for the flying senton, but Christian pulls Jericho out of the way. D-Von tags Bubba as Bubba gets a DDT on Jericho, and D-Von off the top with a clothesline. Powerslam gets a very long 2 count. Jericho with a rollup and goes for the Walls of Jericho, and D-Von turns it into a small package for 2. Jericho pushes D-Von into Christian, executes a rolling cradle with a bridge, and both men's shoulders are down, but Nick Patrick makes the three count at 5:29.

BUT WAIT! Here comes Easy E with The Former Val Venis, apparently using his real name of Sean Morley. Val with the stick, and he admits he's signed with Eric Bischoff's administration as "Chief of Staff", and he has to enforce the rules. He realized Jericho's shoulders were also down, so the match continues.

For the World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz vs. Y2J+2 and ChrisTIAN (champions)--TAKE TWO

Jericho immediately bitches...and we go to a...

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Why the fuck do we take the break there? I had visions of D-Von rolling Jericho up while he's complaining and getting the win. Still, this may mean that they're making the focus of tonight's show wrestling, the way it ought to be, so no problem there. It might be beneficial, as the crowd simply went "Eh..." at what appeared to be the finish, and this one had never really hit a groove.

Segment 2

We're back, with Jericho locking Bubba Ray in a chinlock. There's the replay of the first finish. During the break, Jericho sent Bubba hard into the ringsteps. Back in the ring, Bubba takes Jericho down with a Samoan drop. Tags on each end, and here we go with another finish. Reverse neckbreaker by D-Von. Side slam gets 2 as Jericho makes the save. 3D in the ring, and Bubba pins Christian for the belts at 4:46 since the restart (10:15 total).

BUT WAIT! Sean Morley is out, and apparently I saw a tag that Morley didn't, because he claims Bubba Ray wasn't the legal man. The match continues.

For the World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz vs. Y2J+2 and ChrisTIAN (champions)--TAKE THREE

If Bubba wasn't legal, then why the hell is he starting with Jericho (especially since Christian was the legal man on his side)? My head hurts. Flip Flop Fly (complete with Bubba saying "Suck my dick") and here's the Wuzzup Headbutt. Testify, "D-Von, get the tables", but Patrick is trying to prevent it. Christian baseball slides the table into D-Von. In the ring, Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Bubba gets the knees up. A spear for 2 1/2. Jericho pushes Patrick, gets the low blow, and Christian uses the title belt on Bubba Ray. Walls of Jericho, and there's the tap out at 2:13 since the restart (12:28 total). So the champs retain in a best of three falls match, I guess. Overbooked as hell, but I like Morley's role so far. **

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I already said it. Very overbooked, but I like Morley's role. I do have to wonder why he didn't bother to come out and restart it again after the belt shot if he's going to enforce the rules like that, but hey, whatever. I think they might have found their out should Triple H be in no condition to screw HBK or RVD tonight in order to keep the belt off RVD though. Anyway, as a standard best of three falls match this was fine, but as a one fall match that got restarted twice, it was OK.

Segment 3

Raw retro: The debut of Mr. Socko and Steve Austin violating Vince McMahon (10/5/1998).

Your hosts are Good Ol' JR and The Pharaoh, and WWE has their own float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade again this year. Hey, Triple H! And speaking of Triple H, RVD injured him (although it took super super super slow motion to actually pin it on him). I still say that it looks more like it hits the side of the head and the chest than the throat, but it looks closer to the throat than it had before.

Someone Feed Terri is with the Holy Bible Kid to get his feelings on his first title defense (and Raw match) in almost five years. HBK says nobody is more worthy than RVD. Is that why he raised RVD's hand last week? Well, he has a lot of things to tell Rob, but he'll do it to his face. Here come the Tag Team Champions, celebrating with champagne, and Jericho bitches about not getting his title shot. I'm not liking the possibility of a clean finish tonight. This turns into making fun of Scott Steiner's promos, which isn't that hard. They're not suckers, and that sounds like a cue for Booker T but isn't. The champs go into a locker room From the other side are the Dudleys, who are about enter the same locker room, but Bubba holds off and says he has a plan.

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I'm going to sound like a broken record if I keep saying "I hate non-wrestling segments", but we've established that the war between the Dudleys and the champs is not over yet. I understand D-Von's upset, but realistically, even if both men's shoulders were down, the match should have been declared a draw by rule, so the Dudleys really shouldn't have been near the titles anyway in the other two restarts. Hey, every once in a while, you have to look at things from the heel's perspective too.

What does worry me is that the more we discuss the Survivor Series and last week in relation to the main event, the more I worry that there's no way in hell we're going to get a clean finish out of it. A screwy finish in this one will be a crime against wrestling fans. So you know it's coming.

Segment 4

Test (w/My Future Wife and new entrance video) vs. Big Stevie Cool

Test did some promotional work in India. Last week, Richards got shot in the testicles with an "I love my Testicles" t-shirt. Richards gets a cheap shot early, but immediately begins to yell at Stacy, so Test gains the advantage. Stevie regains control with a clothesline with the top rope and starts punching away. Series of clotheslines, then a dropkick to the knee and a flying forearm. Cover, but Test throws him off at 2. Chinlock by Stevie. Keep the camera on Stacy during restholds, please. Test breaks the hold with an Electric Chair. Stevie with a series of punches, but Test catches him with a clothesline. Full nelson slam for 2. Kick to the midsection, Richards counters the pumphandle slam, but Test gets a tilt-a-whirl slam for 2. Stevie gets a low blow and a faceslam for 2. Heil Hitlet suplex set up, but Test counters it with Roll the Dice for the pin at 3:01. Believe it or not, quite inoffensive for what it was. *

In the locker room, and the champions have gotten out of the shower...together. Their bags are missing, but the faces in the locker room aren't telling them where they are. The Hurricane says they were stolen. Christian: "You're a crime fighter. Why didn't you stop them?" D-Von has the bags, and the champs chase them...and are locked out of the locker room in nothing but their towels.

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Actually a decent Test match, and I think this gimmick might actually get him over. Having Stacy at ringside helps, of course, but fans are actually bringing Testicle signs with them. Now all they need to do is get the crowd to react to his matches and not just chant "Testicles! Testicles!"

I actually liked the locker room segment for two reasons. First, it gives a glimpse into the backstage hijinks that they do anyway. Two...that was just really fucking funny. No beef with this show so far.

Segment 5

We are live in Charleston, and the World Title is on the line tonight!

Stacy is proud of Test, and he genuinely says he loves his Testicles...and gets a liplock from Stacy. Lucky son of a bitch! And speaking of bitches, Victoria grabs Stacy by the mouth, and she hasn't forgotten about Stacy tonight and might just think about her during her match with Trish. Her fans love her legs, but she loves her for something else...and licks her neck and ear. Ssssssick freak! And yet kinky.

One fall: Christopher Nowinski vs. Maven

No word as to whether this is for the Tough Enough 1 Championship or not. Nowinski immediately grabs the stick, and he wants to savor this moment, because this is the last time anybody says Maven is better than Nowinski. "We all know the only reason you won Tough Enough is because of politics." If they hadn't known about Maven's sick mother...then Maven wouldn't be punching the hell out of Nowinski on the floor before the bell. Maven's getting some pop on those punches. Nowinski finally levels Maven with the book of quotations...and apparently we're not having the match officially start, as Maven is out and Nowinski is headed to the back.

Shawn Michaels. Rob Van Dam. The World Heavyweight Championship. Tonight! Plus, Victoria! Trish! The Women's Title! NEXT!

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Normally I hate non-wrestling segments, but I'll make an exception in this case. That was simply beautiful booking. Simple yet effective heel tactic from Nowinski by bringing up Maven's sick mother, Maven reacting by simply kicking his ass, then Nowinski getting the one cheap shot and getting the hell out of dodge. This feud has been booked nearly perfectly, and the upper card really needs this kind of treatment for people to get behind it.

Segment 6

Jericho is still in only a towel, and he tells a technician he's an assclown and jealous. Christian calls Jericho into a locker room, and they found Rico and Three Minute Warning's gear. And when they make fun of it, they find Three Minute Warning and Rico. Jericho asks if he can borrow Rico's jacket, but they're both told "Get to steppin'."

One fall for the WWE Women's Championship: Trish the Cheating Bitch vs. Victoria (champion)

I still don't get why a white chick needs hip hop theme music. Lockup, nice takedown by Trish, and into a wrestling sequence. Victoria gets the edge and covers for 2. Shoulderblock and some punches, and there's the Chick Kick from Trish for 2. Victoria regains the advantage. Whip to the corner, but Trish leapfrogs Victoria and gets a backflip cradle for 2. And out to the floor we go. Victoria quickly tosses Trish into the ring, and she hits a slingshot somersault legdrop for 2. Victoria simply pulls Trish around by the hair. Clothesline, and a delayed cover for only 1. Full nelson camel clutch a la Stevie Richards. Victoria occasionally grabs the hair for leverage. Trish finally counters into a rolling cradle for 2. Backslide for 2. Sunset flip for 2. JR calls all three of those moves "roll up". Victoria gets in a slingshot into the middle rope. Snap suplex, and another, and the cover for 2. Stomp to the back. Choke against the ropes. And she kicks Trish to the floor and follows her outside. And a HARD whip into the steps. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. Back into the ring, and forearms to the back. Trish comes back with a clothesline for 2. Whip, reversal, duck down, Chick Kick for 2. Chops by Trish. Corner whip, Victoria with an elbow and up the turnbuckle, and there's the handstand headscissors. But Victoria is right back into advantage. Standing moonsault for 2. And into a reverse chinlock (it's a choke, but who cares really). Whip, block, Stratusfaction...nope, Victoria tosses Trish into Charles Robinson. That's enough for the Gory Special Neckbreaker (dubbed the "Widow's Peak") for the pin at 8:14 (!). They're no Jumping Bomb Angels, but about as good as an American women's match gets. **1/2 Victoria is bleeding from the mouth, and Stevie is on the ramp. And she nibbles his ear. He likes it! Stevie likes it!

Backstage, HBK is looking for Rob...Van...Dam, and he finds him stretching. RVD wants the title, and HBK wants to sya something between the two of them. RVD has an amazing gift, and he gives them everything they want. He reminds HBK of...well, HBK. But he's missing one important thing...a slap to the face. RVD slaps him back. "Now you're speaking my language, kid."

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A heel wins a title match somewhat cleanly? Who did Trish piss off? Still, the best women's match in the WWE since Molly-Trish from King of the Ring. Not saying much, granted, but quite good.

I'll hold off on the HBK-RVD build up until after the match, but at least we're appearing to want to get RVD over this time. I'll believe it when he gets a clean win without a Dusty finish though.

Segment 7

WWE Anthology Cuts: "I'm Back" for Eric Bischoff. I still preferred "Back in Black" myself, but at least it isn't Trish's music.

Tonight: Kane vs. Batista!

The champions' escapades continue. I like the shower cap. Christian is worried about shrinkage. Jericho: "What the hell are you talking about?" But the Dudleys are on their way to the ring with their bags. Paging Cheryl Roberts, paging Cheryl Roberts. Bubba asks the crowd who wants some free clothes. "We got more clothes than The Godfather's got hos!" There goes Jericho's shirt! There go Christian's jeans...about three feet short of the crowd. The champs are on the stage, and Bubba pulls out...a jar of ass cream. Huh? The Dudleys think this is funny. Jericho: "Do you think it's funny taking my -- Christian's jar of ass cream..." D-Von tells them to hit the ring, or lose their stuff, and the bag is tossed into the crowd. Bubba says if they're going to rob them of their titles, then they'll rob them of their dignity. "Spike, get the towels!" Li'l Spike Dudley gets the towels, and thank God for long range cameras. Christian run behind the screen and realizes where he is and covers up (silhouette only, thank God).

Tonight, the World Heavyweight Championship is on the line.

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Well, nudity is far more harmless than some other angles we've used on this show recently (and unlike those angles, we weren't subjected to close-ups of this). Props to Jericho and Christian for going along with this, and thanks to WWE for doing comedy without offending too many people. Well, I'm sure some people will be offended, but at least we've seen this before with no real consequences.

Segment 8

Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: Mr. Extreme and The Hurricane vs. Lance Storm and William Regal

Hardy baseball slides Storm before the bell and gets in a slingshot plancha. In the ring, and the double legdrop to the groin. Tag to the Hurricane, and what a flying bodypress for 2. He didn't have the cape on though. Plot gap! Clothesline for an incoming Regal, and here comes Storm with a jawbreaker. Hurricane gets the Hurrichokeslam, and Regal has to make the save. Regal in now, and he suplexes Hurricane over. No tag made (yeah, NOW that matters), and Regal works over the back. Slingshot against the ropes into a backbreaker. Tag to Storm, armbar, Storm with a kick. The crowd rallies behind Hurricane as Storm gets a backbreaker for 2. Multiple cover spot, and a tag to Regal. Hard European uppercut. Regal distracts the referee, and Storm with forearms to the back of the Hurricane. Storm in legally, and he whips Hurricane into the corner, but Hurricane comes back and gets the Shining Black. Storm goes for the Canadian Maple Leaf, and Hardy makes a save. Hurricane gets a half crab of his own, Regal with a kick to the jaw, and Storm gets a Sharpshooter for the win at 4:08. Hardy skins the cat into the ring (huh?) and tries to go for both men, but the numbers are too great and Storm finishes it off with a dropkick. Once again, not long enough for these guys. Not bad considering. *1/2

Our hosts take you back to December 27, 1997 (wasn't it the 29th?), and Michaels' last match on Raw...against Owen Hart.

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We finally get an unofficial reason for the changes to the lineup. JR and Lawler mentioned Regal and Storm were both feeling under the weather after the trip to India. That could explain why Booker and Goldust weren't in the tag team title match. Food poisoning, comtaminated water, something along those lines. But hell, these guys are putting on a pretty good show for being sick and jet lagged after a tour like that. I still wish they'd give Storm and Regal ten minutes to show their stuff, because their psychology in completely lost in all the four minute matches. But you notice how the last few weeks Jeff Hardy's been in the ring about 45 seconds combined?

Segment 9

One fall: Kane vs. (We may or may not be calling me Dave this week) Batista (w/The Man WHOO)

Lillian Garcia acts as if Flair's the opponent, but he's in a suit and not his gear. Flair knows Kane's looking to get his hands on Batista, but he's lucky to be there for going after Flair last week. There's a tap tap on the apron as Kane goes after Flair (maybe a single?), and sure enough, Batista attacks from behind. Back into the ring, and Batista quickly gets in a spinebuster. And a clothesline, but Kane sits up. Kane fighting back with right hands. Hard clotheslines, and a sidewalk slam. Kane wants a choke slam, but Batista elbows out. Off the ropes, Kane with a boot to the face, and up top. Flying clothesline, Batista and Jack Doan are both down, and Flair is in...and knocked down. Kane with a running powerslam to Batista, no referee to count, and Flair catches Kane in the head with a chair. Batista up, Sitout Power Bomb, and that's it at 2:33. He didn't get Kane up real high, and this didn't last long, but not bad all things considered. *

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I'm sure people are going to claim that this made Batista look weak, but as much time as they put into building up Kane's comeback, they simply can't depush him too soon either. They'll probably use this to push a PPV match somewhere down the line, but the main purpose of this was to finalize the Flair-Batista association. I never want to see these two get more than maybe 6 or 7 minutes to do their thing (at least against each other), but this wasn't so bad that I wouldn't want to see the rematch.

Segment 10

Bischoff and Morley finalize the Big Show trade. Ivory, Maven, Morley, and D-Von. Bisch got the better end of the deal in my opinion, but since Show got the title, he thinks he looks bad, especially with Scott Steiner on SmackDown next week. Sean promises to produce him next week, because...

RNN Breaking News: Even hurt, Randy Orton is thankful for his family, his doctors, the hot nurse, and all you people sending him e-mails.

One fall: Goldust vs. Rico

They should have ended the segment with Orton, taken the break now, and come back right at the main event. Maybe they don't think Shawn can go so long so soon. This was scheduled to be Rico vs. Bubba Ray, so I think Booker's officially got food poisoning or something. Collar and elbow, and Goldust with a series of armdrags. Side headlock, throw-off, shoulderblock, and Rico gets a hiptoss. Goludst comes back with punches and a butt bump. Clothesline for 2. Rico back with an eye gouge and a kick to the face. Series of stomps now, arm wringer, and Rico goes to work on Goldust's left arm. JR says Booker was sent to the hospital with dehydration. Why didn't you say that at the top of the show for those who checked your website this afternoon? Goldust finally begins a comeback. Rico reverses a whip, but Goldust with a kick to the chest and a DDT for 2. Baseball slide uppercut. Crowd begins to chant "boring", and I'm inclined to agree. Rico goes for a suplex, but Goldust blocks and counters it into the Curtain Call for the win at 3:14. I like both these guys, but it didn't click. 1/2*

Split screen on our two participants as the main event is next!

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It almost appeared like the crowd was expecting the last commercial break to come after RNN, and as such pretty much ruled this match out before it ever started. As a result, they were dead, and the work was subpar anyway so they never really woke up. Still, the next one is the one we're all waiting for, and it looks like they're going to give us around 15 minutes to work with. Again, keep it clean with no Triple H, and I'm not likely to complain with this one.

Segment 11

One fall for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rob...Van...Dam vs. The Holy Bible Kid (champion)

This needed the intros in the ring after the entrances. And the Fink doing the intros. Just for the bigtime main event feel. Oh well. Lockup. Wrestling sequence to start, ending with a nice HBK dropkick. Another wrestling sequence, HBK with a backdrop press, RVD bridging out at 2, into a backslide for 2, and listen to the mostly pro-RVD crowd. RVD clotheslines Shawn over the top rope. Dive attempted, Shawn avoids it, but RVD lands on the apron and moonsaults onto HBK (which HBK doesn't take worth a damn). Back in the ring. RVD with kicks and forearms, and a corner whip, but HBK counters the monkey flip by dropping RVD face-first on the turnbuckle. RVD gets in a boot to the face. Whip, reversal, RVD flips over, boot caught, HBK ducks an enzuigiri and takes him down with a dragon screw. HBK begins to go to work on the left knee, ramming it into the ringpost. Kneeslam. RVD is selling the knee bigtime. Figure-four (onto the wrong leg). I suppose putting it on like that can hurt the left knee since it's twisted, but the pressure is on the right knee. The crowd rallies behind RVD, and he rolls into the ropes for the break. HBK stomps away at the left knee. Kneebreaker, and he goes for another figure-four, but RVD kicks him off, HBK's shoulder hits the post, and RVD rolls him up for 2. Shoulderblocks, backflip, springboard bodyblock by RVD for 2. HBK comes off with a flying forearm and nips up. He tunes up the band, but RVD avoids it, leg lariat, rolling rhunder. Cover, and 2 1/2. Series of forearms, RVD goes for a suplex, but HBK blocks it and DDTs RVD. HBK up top...flying elbowdrop! Slow to cover, and RVD up at 2. Hard right han, and a waistlock reversal sequence ending with an RVD backbreaker. RVD up top...Five Star Frog Splash to the back, and he had to twist in midair to hit that. RVD rolls him over, and Hungry Hungry Hippos pulls RVD to the outside and Pedigrees him on the floor. That's the DQ at 8:55, and fuck you and your ego Levesque! Shawn is still down, and Hunter sets a chair up in the ring. But HBK was playing possum and begins punching back. HHH finally grabs HBK and drops him back first onto the chair. And the chair is bent! Hunter taunts him, and we're out at 11:02. The match was fantastic until the bullshit finish. ***1/4

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Well, I neglected to start the HHHater Clock, but estimate at two minutes (and two minutes too long at that). And I called it yesterday in my Today in Wrestling History column. JHawk is the Master Prognosticator, and this time not only does Hunter's oversized ego screw RVD out of the title, but it costs us a clean finish to an otherwise fantastic matchup. Nice psychology (Shawn trying to ground RVD, RVD trying to focus on HBK's back), nice if spotty selling, and a run-in finish that had nothing to do with that match. All I asked was that even if RVD had to lose, let it be somewhat clean, and you can't even give me that much. This does not bode well for RVD ever getting this title, and they need a change at the top of the Raw pecking order, and they need it now.

And sadly, as an angle it has possibilities. "Nobody's taking that belt off of you except me." But I'm getting tired of saying "I'm tired of seeing Triple H in the main event" and having it be completely ignored.

Overall, however, quite the good show (the best since well before the Katie Vick bullshit started), with several pretty good matches and a lot of time focused on the actual ringwork. But as good as this show was, you usually remember the last thing on it the most, so I'm left with a sour impression. Give another 3 minutes to the Storm/Regal tag team match and a clean finish to the main event, and this is an amazingly good show. Now keep up the focus on the wrestling, but stop pushing that Stephanie McMahon-dating boring ass son of a bitch at the expense of the guys we want to see.

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