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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA Raw from JHawk's Beak (4/12/2004) Segment 1 Last Monday, Shelton Benjamin's countout victory led to a beatdown, a save, and a main event being signed for this week. Backstage, Eric Bischoff tells Mr. Benjamin to settle down, but why should he when he was laying in a pool of his own blood? He has fifteen stitches in his head, and Bischoff did nothing but stand there and watch it. Johnny Monday Nitro tells him to deal with it, so Shelton threatens to shove a baseball bat up his ass, and in come Chris BenOIT, the Holy Bible Kid, and Mick F'N Foley to tell him to save it for the ring. L-I-V-E LIVE from the Allstate Arena in front of 15,186 fans in Rosemont, Illinois! Good Ol' JR and The King are here to bring you that huge eight man tag team match, but first, Mick Foley gets mic time! "Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting Randys." He'll have to give Barbie up to somebody he trusts during the eight man tag team match and be restricted to certain rules. Thus, he won't get to do what he'd really like to do to Randy Orton. That's fine since he wants to save some of Orton for Backlash, and tonight, it's Mick's first match on Raw in over four years, so it's time for a Chicago-style ass kicking. His problem is with Backlash. He loves the thoughts of what he'll do with Orton, but he's not sure that's the person he wants to be. Orton might be an ass, but he is the Intercontinental Champion and holds a pin over Foley, and Foley doesn't want to extinguish a career. Orton's also fairly good-looking, so he doesn't want to ruin that either. Mick Foley just can't do that. But Cactus Jack can. "The Mick Foley you see before you is a nice guy, while Cactus Jack is the most ruthless bastard to ever set foot in this ring." Bottom line: "Mick Foley has a conscience. Cactus Jack just doesn't give a damn." Randy Orton tries to attack with a chair, but Foley avoids it by hitting the chair with the bat, and he caresses the barbed wire bat while staring Orton down. COMMERCIAL BREAK The return of Cactus Jack? I certainly would have thought it was a good idea had someone suggested it to me, and it was certainly in the back of my mind, so now we're actually going to get it. Good deal. My only question is whether Foley can still give the kind of performance worthy of Cactus Jack when he hasn't had a singles match in over four years. I guess we'll find out Sunday. Segment 2 One fall: Kane vs. Grand Master Sexay What the fuck is Brian Lawler doing here? A series of punches by the younger Lawler, then a dropkick. Kane knocks him down but misses an elbow. Another dropkick gets 2. Enzuigiri. Sexay dances and runs into a big boot, and Kane just punches away at him. Chokehold. A throw into the corner and a series of punches. Clothesline. Side slam. Choke Slam, pin at 1:57. Um...OK. 1/4* Trish the Bitch tells Jan the Makeup Lady that she doesn't want to be in the handicap match at Backlash, and in comes Eugene Dinsmore. He recognizes Jan, but calls Trish "slut", and William Regal quickly gets him out of there as Christian enters to tell Trish the strategy for Sunday: I'll knock him out, you pin him. Promise? When hasn't Christian kept a promise? Better yet, when has he ever kept one? COMMERCIAL BREAK Apparently the point is that Kane just beat one man who is making his return to WWE, and he has another one on the horizon at Backlash with Edge. Eh, that's fine, but there's a reason that NWATNA won't bring him back even though he lives in the area and wouldn't need transportation paid for. Segment 3 Coach brings Al Snow...er, I mean some ninja guy to the ring with him. Apparently Tajiri challenge Coach to a match at Backlash, but Tajiri must prove himself first, so if Tajiri can beat this ninja guy, only then will Coach accept the match. "However, just like the Cubs ever winning the World Series, that just ain't going to happen." One fall: a ninja vs. Tajiri Yoshihiro Arm wringer by Tajiri, and the ninja rolls his way out of it. Arm wringer by the ninja. The ninja uses some "martial arts" to take control, but Tajiri comes back with kicks and a handspring elbow. Tajiri goes for the mask, but the ninja uses a straight kick to Tajiri's jaw. Lawler quotes Jim Croce. Double chop to the throat and a boot to the face. Tajiri goes for a backslide, and the referee takes a punch when the ninja tries to break it. Tarantula, but a cheap shot by Coach. The ninja covers for 2. Double axhandle. Somersault elbowdrop. Tajiri avoids the Northern Lights bomb and gets in a superkick, then a Buzzsaw Kick gets the pin at 3:48. * Tajiri pulls the mask off, and sure enough, it's Al Snow under the mask. Still to come, the eight man tag. COMMERCIAL BREAK Well, it's a nice little tip of the hat to those of us who actually watched the WWF in 1996 by having Snow dust off the old Shinobi outfit. Hell, it's nice to see Snow in an actual match that didn't end in 45 seconds or so. But the end result of this segment is a Jonathan Coachman-Tajiri match at Backlash, and that can't be good. I doubt it can be as good as this one was, and since this one didn't really click either...Backlash could get ugly before it gets good. Segment 4 The Man WHOO! tells Bischoff that Shelton Benjamin is actually trying to convince the world that he beat Triple H (the nerve of him telling the truth), and he issues a challenge to Benjamin for Backlash. Bischoff was a step ahead of him and has had the contracts ready for about seven hours...and Benjamin attacks his Backlash opponent from behind and beats on him until referees and road agents pull him off. Your hosts discuss Benjamin vs. Flair, then go into the main event: Chris Benoit defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Shawn Michaels and Triple H. Promo time for Hungry Hungry Hippos, who discusses "the greatest rematch of all-time". Everyone has something to prove. Benoit has to prove he more than a one-hit wonder. HBK has to prove he's still the icon. And Triple H will prove that the title still belongs to him. There's a reason he's "The Game": he's the only diamond in this business. COMMERCIAL BREAK Just how I like my Triple H promos: Short and to the point. A perfect example of how you don't need a ten-minute spiel to get the point across. As for Benjamin vs. Flair, it all depends on which Flair shows up on Sunday. If he's even half of what he was in his prime, that could be amazing. If he's more like the Flair we've seen teaming with Batista, it could be a train wreck. I hope for the former, but sadly I expect the latter. Segment 5 "Eyes Wired Shut" by Edgewater is the official theme song for Backlash. Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel JR reminds us that Jericho's "WWE" debut was in this building on August 9, 1999. But Sunday at Backlash, it's the match Jericho's been waiting for since WrestleMania. And when he gets the W, they're careers are DOA, and Jericho goes into an initial spiel about DDP selling bootlegs of The O.C. while Trish lusts after Jericho. I kid you not. But he doesn't know why Trish is nervous when she's been in action with two men at the same time before. She says she likes it rough..."Ruff. Ruff ruff." And he shows the clip of Trish barking like a dog for Mr. McMahon (with barking sounds dubbed over it). Well, a female dog is a bitch. "And Trish, once a bitch, always a bitch." But she's in the match because she was eliminated from last week's battle royal by his guest tonight, Lita. But Trish attacks Lita from behind and throws her into the Titantron. She continues the beatdown as officials run out, and Bischoff immediately orders the Highlight Reel set taken down so we can have Lita vs. Trish. COMMERCIAL BREAK Funny how we remember the past when it's something silly like that. The crowd got into it, so mission accomplished, but what part of "the Trish vs. Lita part of the battle royal sucked" didn't they understand last week? Now we get a regular singles match? Ugh. Segment 6 Trish the Bitch vs. Lita We're in progress with Trish in control and Jericho still at ringside. It doesn't take Christian long to come out to ringside himself, and Lita comes back with forearms. Bicycle kick by Trish for 2. Lita with some punches and a monkey flip. Eye rake by Trish. Hard right hand. Sleeperhold. Lita elbows out, but Trish throws her down by the hair. Punch and a reverse chinlock. Lita elbows out again and gets some kicks in. Turnbuckle smash. Trish with a shot and she goes for Stratusfaction, but it's countered by Lita with a back suplex for 2. Trish is actually to her feet first, and Lita gets the better of a punch exchange. One legged monkey flip with a floatover, then a snap suplex. Russian legsweep for 2. Corner whip and a clothesline. Another corner whip, but Trish with an elbow. Lita side steps a charging Trish, who tumbles to the floor a la last week's battle royal. Outside with a tope goes Lita. Lita levels Christian, so Christian tosses her into the guardrail, and there's the bell at 6:09. 1/2* Jericho runs over the for the save and sends Christian running, but Trish is in the ring...and she's about to be the recipient of a Walls of Jericho until Christian runs in for the save. He beats on Jericho, then hold Y2J so Trish can slap him a few times. And the Unprettier by Christian. Another one. Jericho pulls himself to his feet...only to get taken down by Trish's roundhouse kick. She taunts Jericho as Christian's music plays. Four champions in our eight man main event tonight. COMMERCIAL BREAK So did Lita win by DQ due to Christian's interference, or did Trish win by countout since she'd gotten back into the ring? Or did the writing team even consider that people might actually want to know who the winners and losers are? The idea behind this is to establish Jericho as a firm underdog leading into Sunday night's match while not actually doing anything to build up to the Women's Title match between Lita and Victoria. The crowd ate it up, so it worked like a charm, but at least announce the winners for us, will you? Segment 7 Todd Grisham asks La Resistance why they've moved to Quebec. They want to show the Americans how good the French are, so they want to be closer to Americans to make us more like them. While they're talking, Eugene Dinsmore plays with the French flag, and Regal once again makes the save. Regal tells Eugene it's no biggie because the French are like the Canadians...rude and obnoxious, but he thinks they like Eugene. Johnny Nitro (complete with his name done like the Monday Nitro logo on the Titantron) makes his way to the ring. He has a statement to make. Three weeks ago, Mr. Bischoff was attacked without warning by Edge. This is why Edge vs. Kane is taking place at Backlash. It was a message to Edge, and Nitro has one he wants to give Edge face-to-face. Ask and you shall receive, as here comes Edge to the ring. Nitro essentially accuses Edge of faking the injury in order to use a cast as a weapon, so he'll be disqualified and suspended if he uses the cast even once. I wonder who the referee's going to be? Edge claims nothing's going to stop him from returning to the ring and beating Kane: broken necks, broken hands, or threats from Johnny Jackass. But he might have been out of line spearing Bischoff, so the next time you see him "after you get off of your knees", maybe you'll give him a message...and cue the spear. COMMERCIAL BREAK And I'll give you three guesses as to who the referee for that match will be. The first two don't count, and only one person makes sense: Johnny Nitro. Eh, whatever. As if facing Kane with a broken hand didn't stack the odds enough, now we need an evil referee too. Segment 8 The WWE Experience debuts May 2 on Spike TV. Goodbye Confidential, hello...um...something stupid, it looks like. Would "WWE From the Vault" really be that hard to do? One fall: Sylvain Grenier (w/Rob Conway) vs. The Hurricane (w/Rosey) Hey, they're finally spelling Grenier's name right! Arm wringer and a headlock by Hurricane. Leapfrog, duck down, and a superhero pose to back Grenier off. Side headlock by Hurricane. Series of right hands, but Grenier avoids a move and dumps Hurricane gut first onto the top rope. And Grenier wisely makes the ribs the focus of his attack. Double-leg takedown and a stomp to the gut. Knees to the midsection and an abdominal stretch. Hurricane breaks with an armdrag, but Grenier continues to drive knees to the midsection before covering for a near fall. Stomachbreaker for 2. Out comes Eugene Dinsmore with a giant stuffed Easter bunny, and he tries to give it to Conway as a gift. They're on the apron, and Grenier tears the head off the bunny. Conway gets knocked off the apron, and Hurricane hits the Eye of the Hurricane for the pin at 4:09. 3/4* Regal consoles Eugene as he starts crying over the bunny. Promo time for Shawn Michaels. People have said the triple threat match at WrestleMania was the greatest match in WrestleMania history. How do you top that? Well, Michaels always tops himself. Three men think they're the very best, and it's time to separate fact from fiction, because only one can be champion. And still to come, those three men are in that eight man tag team match. COMMERCIAL BREAK I've figured out what they're doing with Eugene. He's Norman the Lunatic version 2.0! A silly ending to a boring match. But I'll admit I'm liking these short promos by the men involved in the triple threat match. They're getting to the point, putting themselves over, and they're doing nothing to hurt their opponents when they're doing it. Segment 9 It's chilly just outside Chicago, but hot inside the Allstate Arena! And things were hot at SmackDown, at least according to the SmackDown Rebound! Your hosts prepare for our upcoming video package by discussing Orton's attempted attack earlier. And now we get a video package for the Foley-Orton match at Backlash, focusing on the carnage Foley has done over the years. Orton's seen the package, and he looks worried, as Evolution will be banned from ringside. Also at Backlash, Christian and Trish Stratus vs. Chris Jericho. Tajiri vs. Jonathan Coachman. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair. Edge vs. Kane. Victoria defends the Women's Title against Lita. And Chris Benoit defends the World Heavyweight Championship in the final encounter with Shawn Michaels and Triple H. And it's promo time for Benoit. Benoit's biggest night ever was at WrestleMania when he made Triple H tap. He heard people tell him he was lucky, but he believes in hard work and not luck. You can only depend on yourself, and his hard work is what's going to help him retain the title. COMMERCIAL BREAK All of the focus on this segment was building up to Backlash. Foley vs. Orton has been built up well. The triple threat match, not so much, but it's clear they're counting on a repeat of WrestleMania to help carry that one. Segment 10 Eight Man Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall: Chris BenOIT (World Heavyweight Champion)/Mr. Benjamin/Holy Bible Kid/Mick F'N Foley vs. Evolution Benjamin practically begs his team to start. HBK and Flair start. Shoulderblock by HBK, and he mocks Flair with a strut and whoo. Michaels with a slap, and Flair does a delayed face first flop. Knee to the midsection and a chop. More chops. HBK with chops of his own. HBK with a backdrop and a tag to Foley. Kick to the midsection and a running kneelift. Flair tags Triple H, but Mike Chioda doesn't allow it...but he does allow Benoit's tag to Foley. Chops by Benoit, and Flair walks into a Foley right hand. Flair makes an official tag to Hunter, and Benoit picks up where he left off with Flair. Backdrop. Hunter walks into Benjamin's right hand. Benoit laying in the forearms, and a snap suplex by Benoit for 2. Irish whip, and Hunter takes Benoit down with the high knee. Benoit comes back with even more chops. Backdrop, Hunter tries the Pedigree, but Benoit blocks it. Hunter tries it again, but Benoit counters it into a sharpshooter, and now all eight men are brawling in the ring. The faces clear the ring of the heels...and HBK hits the pescadoe onto three members of Evolution. COMMERCIAL BREAK I wouldn't call it a good match so far since it's been a lopsided brawl thus far more than anything else, but it's been pretty entertaining thanks in large part to a hot crowd and some motivated work by the participants. Segment 11 Triple H stands over Benoit and tags to Flair, and JR tells us we're here until we get a winner. Hard chop for 2, and Flair draws Benjamin into the ring. No tag is made, but Triple H is in and choking away. In comes Batista, and he drives his knees into Benoit's midsection. Tag to Flair, and we get an exchange of chops. Running double forearm, and Foley tags in. And a quick series of punches to Flair before getting one to Orton and hitting Flair with a running knee smash. Benjamin tagged in, and he comes in full of energy by working on Flair and Triple H. High backdrop, but Flair comes back with the thumb to the eye. Into the ropes goes Shelton, but Hunter pulls down the top rope, and Benjamin tumbles to the floor. And Triple H sends Benjamin into the ringsteps. Rolled back in, and Flair drops the knee. Orton tags in and gets a series of punches for a near fall. Standing dropkick for 2. Tag to HHH, who toys with Benjamin because it's worked so well the last two weeks. They trade punches, but HHH reverses a whip and hits a beautiful spinebuster for the cover, and Benoit has to make the save. Abdominal stretch by HHH to Benjamin. Orton gives HHH the occasional assist. Foley in to break it, but that gives Flair a chance to come in without a tag and choke Benjamin. Now Flair tags in legally, and what a chop! And a series of right hands. Benjamin catches Flair coming in with a punch to the midsection, and we get another exchange of chops. That turns into an exchange of punches, and Benjamin knocks Flair down, but Flair hooks the leg and tags in Batista. Stomachbreaker. Stomp to the midsection. Knees to the midsection. Corner whip, Batista blocks a kick...but he can't block the Dragon Whip. Tag to Orton, hot tag to Michaels. Backdrop. Inverted atomic drops for Flair and HHH and a clothesline. Flying forearm, nip up, and in comes Batista to knocks HBK down with a clothesline. All eight men begin to brawl. Benjamin's Stinger Splash to Orton leads to the HBK Flying Elbowdrop, and Michaels tunes up the band...and gives an incoming Flair some Sweet Chin Music. That distraction gives Orton enough time to hit the RKO, and both legal man are down. A cover, and Benoit breaks the count with the Swan Dive Headbutt. Foley and Triple H go at it, and HHH hits the facebuster. A Pedigree, but Foley counters by backdropping Hunter over the top rope. Foley locks the Mandible Claw on Orton but gets pulled to the floor by Batista. Benoit goes after Batista. Orton back to his feet, but he walks into some Sweet Chin Music for the pin at 20:22. Not a technical masterpiece, but the crowd was hot for it and so was I. ***1/4 Benoit and HBK stare each other down as Benoit holds the belt, and Triple H hops to the apron to continue the staredown. END OF SHOW Solid main event. It wasn't a great wrestling match, but it was energetic as hell and in front of a hot crowd. Too many chops, too many backdrops, and aside from Benjamin as face-in-peril there wasn't really much of a story to it aside from "I hate this guy but can't get in there with him because I'm not legal," but the ending sequence was very hot and added a lot to the match, and they kept Batista's involvement to a minimum, so it's all good. Overall, a much better effort from an in-ring standpoint than last week, but much less from a promo standpoint, as we got decent promos, but nothing noteworthy. The idea was to promote Backlash and make you want to see it, and right now I want to see Foley vs. Orton. Possibly the triple threat main event as well, but only because the first one was awesome and not because of the buildup. Decent, but nothing spectacular tonight. Remember, I won't be putting up SmackDown until probably Friday evening due to Indians tickets Thursday night and work Friday morning, but until then, you can drop me the feedback. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |