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From TheSmartMarks.com TNA SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (8/19/2004) Segment 1 Right to the opening? There must be a lot to cover. Taped 8/17/2004 from the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, the home of the first Royal Rumble event! (And yes, I'm aware of the St. Louis Rumble that like three people saw, so no letters about it.) Michael Cole and Tazz are at ringside to call all the action! And we waste no time going to our champion, John Bradshaw Layfield, and JBL has gotten himself a replacement limo. Orlando Jordan helps the champion out of the limo, and he's got one of those Pitbull Gary Wolfe halos on. Let's just skip ahead to the promo, as he takes forever getting into the ring. He's in tremendous pain, including a splitting headache, so no yelling. Yeah, right. After SummerSlam and an inferior Canadian hospital ... "That's redundant, isn't it? Inferior Canadian?" ... he's lucky to be here. He guaranteed victory over The Undertaker, and he succeeded, albeit by disqualification. Jordan asks the crowd to show JBL some respect, but nothing doing. Just like Martin Luther King, JBL had a dream that at his WWE Hall of Fame induction, they'd show the clip of the winning pin at SummerSlam. But Taker robbed him of his glory by bringing the belt into the ring and "hitting me in the head intentionally on purpose" so he could get himself disqualified. And afterwards, what happened was brutal, heinous, and "very mean", as he got choke slammed through a fake limosine roof. Let's show the stills. "I've been to Iraq, unlike the Canadian army. I'm not a coward like the Canadians. I thought I'd seen the face of evil, but I haven't." The last thing he remembered before he passed out was seeing the true face of evil: The Undertaker. That's actually a good line there. Orlando helps JBL take the jacket off, and he's got a backbrace on. This is highly over the top...and I gotta admit, I like it. "You people quit booing us, we protect you." JBL will always stand up to evil, but listen close, Taker, because unlike in Rocky II, there ain't gonna be no rematch. Cue the gong, and apparently The Undertaker is here when he wasn't supposed to be. JBL tries to run, but he hits the ropes, falls down, and is basically a turtle on its back with all that protective gear on. Jordan helps JBL leave the ring and hop the guardrail to get away. Unfortunately, the champ left the belt in the ring, so Taker's gonna pick it up. COMMERCIAL BREAK Actually a pretty solid segment all around. It tells the fans what happened at SummerSlam in case they missed it, so you're not the least bit out of step with the storyline. It also allows those who did see the show to hate Bradshaw that little bit more, because his "injuries" are so over the top that you almost sense the "miracle recovery" angle coming. And the Canadians have to hate him after that promo now. Good stuff. Segment 2 One fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Spike Dudley � (w/Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley) Not only set up by last week's argument backstage, but also based on the Scotty vs. Bubba Ray match on last week's Velocity. Scotty shoves Spike away and takes control with hiptosses and bodyslams. Armbar. Low blow. Scotty over the top but skinning the cat, and Scotty backdrops Spike over the top and onto his half-brothers. Bulldogs, and the setup, but Bubba pulls Scotty out of the ring before the Worm as D-Von distracts the referee. Bubba rolls him back in, and Spike covers for 2. Turnbuckle smash. Scotty lifts the boot during Spike's flying double stomp attempt. A series of punches. Elbowsmash. Side slam for 2. Spike with a facerake. Corner whip, but he runs into a elbow. Superkick by Scotty, and Bubba pulls Spike under the ropes. Scotty charges but hits the post shoulder first, and the Dudley Dog wins it in 3:10. * Postmatch, Spike barks out orders, and Bubba splashes Scotty as D-Von holds his legs. And a low blow by Spike. Cue the celebration. COMMERCIAL BREAK And just when it looks like the cruiserweight division is gaining some momentum, they run with something like this and knock it two steps back. Scotty hasn't had any singles credibility since the feud with Dean Malenko in 2000, and yet he almost has the champion beat in the opening minute? And then it takes three guys to beat him? Yikes. And why the hell are Bubba Ray and D-Von taking orders from Spike after seven years of trying to make Spike their bitch anyway? Segment 3 Taped from Copps Coliseum. Raw Rebound: Evolution turned on Randy Orton in one of the best segments in years. Your hosts put that segment over, then announce that next week is match #2 in the Booker T-John Cena best of five series. Then some idiot planted fans hold a sign that say Heidenreich will debut next week. Josh Mathews congratulates John Cena for winning at SummerSlam and then asks if Cena will take the 2-0 lead. "Can you swallow a whole convenience store bratwurst?" In comes Spike to question how Cena can say the champ is here when it's Spike that actually has a title right now. "Well, it looks like Dennis the Menace finally grew up." There's "You can't see me", but he can't see Bubba Ray and D-Von, who attack from behind. Spike: "Can you see me now, John?" And there's the slap. COMMERCIAL BREAK I think I'm watching the wrong show, because so far, this is Spike TV, not UPN. How many people is Spike feuding with now? And how many is Cena feuding with? The advantage: Plenty of options over the next few weeks. The disadvantage: People with short attention spans are going to be completely lost by the end of the show at this point. Segment 4 Thank you for watching SummerSlam and buying Rush's album. If you did neither, then fuck you, we don't like you anyway. Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Paul London and Billy Kidman (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs. Jamie Noble and Chavito Guerrero This should be awesome. London and Noble start. Chain wrestling to start, and London with hiptosses to both opponents before the champions take advantage with everyone in the ring. Slingshot flying headscissors by London to Noble. Noble knocks London down, and he's apparently going to be face-in-peril already. Chavo pounds away at London, and now the heels cut the ring off and use quick tags to keep the fresh man in. Chavo with a slingshot legdrop for 2. More quick tags, and Noble locks London in a crevatte. London with knees and kicks, but Noble with a knee to knock him down. Again with the quick tags, but London knocks both men down and makes the hot tag to Kidman. Clotheslines for both opponents. Neckbreaker. Backdrop. Rana. Dropkick to Chavo for 2. Noble with a waistlock suplex. London with a spinning heel kick. London up top, but Chavo shoves him to the floor. Chavo tries to Gory Bomb Kidman, but Kidman counters into a spinebuster bomb. A shot for Noble and a sunset flip on Chavo, but Noble assists with a reversal, and Chavo pins Kidman at 5:05. Too damn short, but pretty good while it lasted. ** Theodore R. Long tells Brian Hebner to tell the Dudleys and John Cena that if they're going to fight backstage, be prepared to take it to the ring, as it will be John Cena vs. The Dudley tonight. COMMERCIAL BREAK Some exciting action while it lasted here, and a great way to not only establish another tag team, but also to set up a title feud between these four men. Give them 15 minutes with the titles on the line (preferably on pay-per-view) and let's see what they can do, because Kidman's probably the worst of the four and I've always considered him pretty underrated. But Teddy Long using the backstage brawl to set up a match? You'd think this was episodic TV or something! Segment 5 The $1,000,000 Tough Enough will come to SmackDown this fall. As long as it's not another diva search! Eddy Guerrero makes his way to the ring. He's got the stick...MICROPHONE, MICROPHONE! And he immediately calls out Kurt Angle because he doesn't feel they've answered the question "Who's the better wrestler?" They've each won one, so we need a tiebreaker. And cue "Medal" and cue My Olympic Hero. Angle asks the crowd what they think, and he's here for some action. So the answer is no. See, Eddy tapped at SummerSlam, so what does Angle have to prove? Eddy insists that there has to be a rematch to break the tie and says Angle's not man enough, but Angle refuses to be tricked into the match. The crowd chants for Eddy, proving Toronto is ass backwards. Eddy admits Angle outwrestled him on Sunday, and that's never happened before. Angle earned Eddy's respect. But they have one thing in common: They love this business like nobody else could ever understand. So even though there's no rematch tonight, Angle's at least man enough to enter the ring and shakes Eddy's hand. Don't do it, Kurt, it's a trap! And Angle doesn't believe that. "With all due respect, and I don't respect you very much, I'm not buying it." Eddy insists he really isn't lying this time...honest to God, cross my heart and hope to die...and Angle cautiously enters the ring. Angle reaches for the handshake but stops short. This time we do get the handshake, and of course Eddy cheap shots Angle. Out comes Luther Reigns to check on him, and Eddy's all "How did you fall for that?" I dunno, because you just spent ten minutes insisting you weren't lying? Angle and Luther surround Eddy, and out comes Rey Misterio Jr. to even the odds. COMMERCIAL BREAK I can only assume this segment was done to set up an Eddy/Rey vs. Angle/Luther match down the road, which is fine, but did anybody really believe Eddy was going to just shake Angle's hand and leave it at that? They make Angle look like the smartest man alive by not falling for it...only to fall for it anyway because if he hadn't, he'd have been seen as not really being a real man. Not a bad segment by any means, but way too predictable. And where the fuck was Rey when Scotty was being beaten up by three guys earlier? I mean, I know they've played off an Eddy-Rey friendship before, but since Rey has issues with Spike anyway, wouldn't that have made more sense? Segment 6 Booker T is at the broadcast booth for our next match: One fall: John Cena vs. The Dudley (w/The Other Dudley) D-Von attacks before the bell, so he's apparently the legal man in this match. Cena comes back with punches and clotheslines, then gets a near fall off a hiptoss. D-Von rolls to the floor for a Tastykake break, but he eats an elbow when he tries to sneak in from behind. This time Cena eats an elbow, and D-Von covers for 2. Cena gets some punches in, and there's another clothesline. Flying shoulder block for 2. Backdrop. Front slam. Five Knuckle Shuffle for an illegal 2 count (because it's a closed fist and closed fists are illegal). F-U, pin at 3:02. Oh God, did that suck. DUD Cena and Booker stare each other down before Cena grabs the mic and threatens to take his belt back. There's no altercation though, because Cena's just gonna wait until next week when he'll get paid for it. Michael Cole tells us that Rey and Eddy meet Angle and Luther tonight. COMMERCIAL BREAK They could have at least been nice enough to allow D-Von to get some actual offense in. "Here's an idea. Let's put the Dudleys all over this show and have D-Von do his best Ken Jugan impression." That's pretty counterproductive there. Why not use one of the Velocity heels if the goal is simply to make Cena look strong heading into next week? And here's my one problem with all the special added matches they put on these shows. The main event is going to be the second match added "tonight", right? So you mean to tell me the GM is going to intentionally book a two or three match card? What, is he counting on the fact that people like to do things outside of scheduled matches to help fill the show out? And how come the shows never run long when we have all these impromptu matches added to the show? Segment 7 Next week, SmackDown celebrates it fifth anniversary. Here's footage from that first SmackDown. Interestingly enough, next week's the Fifth Anniversary but we won't celebrate it until September 23. Um...whatever. One fall: Rob.....Van.....Dam vs. Rene Dupree Did you miss their match on Heat? Well, it was better than a lot of the stuff that made the PPV, so we get the rematch tonight. Dupree with the arm wringer, reversed by RVD. Into a series of counters ending with a series of near falls and a stalemate. Now we go into more of a brawl until Dupree sends RVD's shoulder into the ringpost. Snap mare into a keylock. RVD tries to fight out of it, but Dupree gets a hair pull takedown and covers for 2. Back to the keylock. A series of shoulderdrives, but RVD comes back with a spinning leg lariat. Jumping side kick. Cartwheel moonsault for 2. German suplex for 2. Corkscrew legdrop. Rolling thunder, but Dupree gets the knees up. RVD with a boot to the face and up to the top, but Dupree crotches RVD on the turnbuckle. Dupree going up with him, and there's the top-rope superplex. Delayed cover for 2. RVD with a kick to the face, and up top for the Five Star Frog Splash and the pin at 5:38. That was kind of a sudden finish given the way the match had gone. *1/2 Suzuki Kenzo attacks RVD from behind and takes him down with a series of bodyslams. There's the clawhold legsweep. Teddy Long is walking into the production truck, and he has a tape he wants played in a few minutes. Thank God Peter gets to cover the Kane-Lita wedding and I don't. COMMERCIAL BREAK A decent enough match even if the action seemed kind of disjointed. What's the beef between Suzuki and RVD? Is there one? Does it matter? All that really matters to me is that we get good matches out of it...but Suzuki isn't very good to begin with and who the hell knows if RVD's style is anywhere near compatible. I suppose they want RVD's martial arts background to help salvage that one, but I have a bad feeling about that feud. Segment 8 Your hosts hype the $1,000,000 Tough Enough, and you have until September 8 to send a one minute VHS tape if you want to participate. We have a huge tag team main event coming up next, and Teddy Long wants to holla at us, playas! Long wants to make SmackDown one of the biggest events of all-time, and to make it bigger, he's brought back one of the most dominant men in sports entertainment today. Roll the videotape...of The Big Show. THAT is the big announcement? Sadly, the crowd gives a "holla holla holla" for it. But we're not done, because we still have Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns vs. Rey Misterio Jr. and Eddy Guerrero tonight. In fact, it's right now. One fall: Eddy Guerrero and Rey Misterio Jr. vs. COMMERCIAL BREAK A healthy and motivated Big Show could help pick up SmackDown and make things more interesting around here. Certainly he's a big enough name to get casual fans into the shows, and I've certainly seen worse big men get shoved down our throats. But will he be motivated to put on good matches? And more importantly, is he capable of putting on good matches after his surgery? Still, the big announcement was lifting Show's suspension? Yikes. At least it wasn't really hyped enough to be a major letdown. Segment 9 One fall: Eddy Guerrero and Rey Misterio Jr. vs. My Olympic Hero and Luther Reigns Luther and Eddy start. Eddy punches away at Luther, but Luther's bigger and stronger, so his punches have significantly more impact. Eddy fights back and tags Rey in. A nice double team, and Rey with a dropkick. Rey goes for a whip, but the end result is Luther taking him down with a backbreaker for a count of two. Tag to Angle, and he pounds away at Rey. Short clothesline for 2. Reverse chinlock. Rey tries to elbow out of it and takes Angle down with a satellite headscissors. Eddy tags in and pounds away at Angle. Elbowsmash. Rolling vertical suplexes, but Luther runs in to prevent the third one. Punches and an eyerake by Angle, and a tag to Luther. Hard crossfaces, Eddy tries to kick his way back, but Luther knocks him down with one shot to the back. Tag to Angle, but Eddy fights back and takes him down. Into the ropes goes Eddy, and Luther pulls the top rope down and Eddy takes a tumble. COMMERCIAL BREAK Come on, turn this into a wrestling match. You've got three great wrestlers and a decent big guy in there, and yet I've seen so many punches I'm hoping somebody spiked one of them with a little Jack Daniels. Segment 10 Angle locks in the Ankle Lock, and Eddy reverses it but can't hold on. Angle locks in a form of an STF...and if I didn't know better, I'd say that Angle is actually trying to weaken the ankle. Wonders never cease. Luther tags in and goes to work on the ankle. Angle tags himself in and kicks the ankle. Toehold with Angle putting his leg along Eddy's ankle. Eddy with a cradle for 2, but Luther tags in and prevents the hot tag. Into a toehold and bending the ankle. Elbowdrop to the ankle, and back to the hold. Eddy nearly gets pinned while locked in the hold. Eddy with a kick to the face, but Angle tags in and prevents the tag before going back to the ankle. And they thought Toronto was bizarro world. Eddy punches away at Angle, but he limps into the overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle Slam, but Eddy counters into a DDT. Hot tag to Rey, tag to Luther, and Rey is on fire! Backspin DDT for 2. Dropkick to Angle. Luther levels Rey and goes for a power bomb, but Rey counters with a rana that knocks Brian Hebner down. A 6-1-9 keeps Angle on the floor, and there's the springboard legdrop, but there's no referee. Dropkick to the back, but the 6-1-9 is stopped by Angle hitting Rey in the ankle with a steel chair. Angle into the ring with the Ankle Lock, and in comes Eddy with the chair. He chases Angle to the back, and that leaves the legal men in the ring. Luther sets up Rey, but Eddy returns to low blow Luther. Hebner is just now waking up. Tag to Eddy, and he takes Luther down with the rolling verticals. But Eddy's still limping, so he takes too long climbing the turnbuckle. Rey solves that problem with a dropkick and a 6-1-9, and Eddy's Frog Splash gets the pin at 16:01. Good stuff here. *** Postmatch, Angle finally returns to ringside with two buckets of white paint, and he pours it over the low rider. Ooo, that means war and stuff! END OF SHOW Hey, I'm impressed! Angle actually worked on the ankle to set up the ankle lock, and he even worked on Rey's ankle for good measure. Was that really that hard? Hell, if Angle had used that kind of offense at SummerSlam 2001, he might have gotten that ***** rating even with the DQ finish. As it is, the paint on the car bit is silly (what does that have to do with wrestling, anyway?), but a very solid main event to end the show. And for the second straight week, it was a solid main event that saved an otherwise lackluster show. The opening interview was gold, but other than that you had matches that were too short to mean anything and special announcements that really weren't all that special. But I'll give this show a thumbs up because, while not a great show by any means, there was a concerted effort to build toward future shows, in particular the "anniversary" show on September 23. Why not make the anniversary show on the actual anniversary? Eh, too many questions, I guess. Send me feedback and stuff. © Copyright by TheSmartMarks.com |