by Alex Padrino

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Funny how I've spent nearly a year being viewed as one of the more negative posters on the Smart Marks message board, and yet, here I am writing for the site. I won't get into that particular matter right now, since I'm here for other reasons. Much like several of the posters on the board, I have always wanted to give writing a shot and I have in fact, done that a few times before. You may remember my quasi-debut here on the site back in April, but it seems that this time, I could be here to stay.

Although I've done several wrestling video reviews in the past, I grow increasingly unpleased with them as time passes. Since everyone's style is usually changing, it means something you wrote a year ago may look like crap to you now. I see that as somewhat of a good thing since it usually means that you've improved over time. Or it could just mean that you're a lousy writer.

If this turns out to be more than a one-shot deal, what you can expect from me are reviews on videos from the past, namely WWF ones. Don't expect to see me review the latest WWE PPV or even any of the older ones, because frankly, too many people do that as it is. I'd much rather review a video of sub-par matches than be the 89th person to review Wrestlemania III. Since most of the videos I'll be covering don't feature great matches, don't expect to see me using the star or point system since I find them pretty useless if they're not applied to a great or horrid match. I try and do what I can to deviate from what's become the norm among wrestling reviewers since a little freshness never hurt anyone. Before we get started here, I'd just like to give some props to William Hemlick and The Dames who have given me this shot and helped me out a great deal. Expect to see more of me and my selections from the vault on a regular basis.

With WWE's current product seemingly incapable of improving in the least, I tend to find solace in the fact that I can always dip into the shelves, stacks, and piles of old wrestling tapes I have around here to satisfy my fix. Growing up basically a WWF-only fan and during one of their "cartoon-like periods (late 80's/early 90's), I have a soft spot for a lot of the stuff that a lot of people either pass over or dislike. That isn't to say that I'm in my basement late at night making Gobbledygooker t-shirts, but I'm unable to hate most of the stuff from that era that others do. I feel that anyone who grew up watching the WWF like I did also holds a soft spot (no matter how big or small) for it, as well. It's just the nostalgia factor coming into play, just like how we still show for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even though the cartoon was pretty awful from a realistic point of view. A gimmick like Skinner may have been bad, but I'll never hate it. Why? Because I grew up watching him and countless other bad gimmicks, and guess what? I actually enjoyed it and in some ways, I still do.

Where is this all leading us too? From 1985 to 1997, Coliseum Video was more or the less the top distributor of WWF footage as far as commercial releases go. While we got all of the PPV's from Coliseum Video, we also got of tapes featuring various series, WWF personalities, as well as other titles offering an abundance of mediocre dark matches.

Most of these tapes have been reviewed by someone at some time or another, which is why I bring to you a video that, as far as I know, has never been reviewed (if it has, I really don't care, since this thing's already been written) by anyone on the 'net--"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. Yes, believe it or not, Duggan was so popular in the late 80's that Coliseum Video decided to dedicate an entire video to the man in early 1989. Duggan, of course, is an example of a WWF wrestler who was insanely over with fans during his heyday but was never a great wrestler. Thus, he is generally disliked by the "smart" fans. Nevertheless, seeing as how it seems that no one has had the courage or time to waste reviewing this particular video, I shall be the first to bite the bullet.

- We start off with one of the classic anti-smoking promos with WWF wrestlers. This one in particular features the Ultimate Warrior. I think every joke that you could ever make about the Warrior and substances of any kind have already been made so I'll just move on.

- Shill for Wrestlemania V on video. Apparently this thing came with a Wrestlemania watch, which is actually pretty nice, considering that today, you're lucky to get a mini-bobble head with a WWE DVD.

- Following that is the somewhat well known classic WWF logo going over the ocean with the Mean Gene voiceover. The WWF's, "what the world is watching," don't ya know? At least it was back then.

- We're finally on to the actual feature here and Hacksaw himself starts things out, marching out with a picture of the American flag in the back on the video screen and proceeds to give a drawn out intro/speech. Think Patton and you've got a pretty good mental picture of what this is. He lets us know that the fans cheering for the USA arouses him. Well, not in those exact words, but he did say it gets his heart pumping stronger and blood flowing faster. Staying true to himself, Hacksaw spends the majority of the time looking off camera.

- A brief video package featuring Duggan in various clips with some patriotic music playing is shown next. Not much gained here except further reinforcement of the fact that Duggan's mug sure isn't easy on the eyes.

- Sean Mooney is our actual host and he gives a quick rundown of some of the things we'll see in the next 90 minutes.

- A clip from what is either Duggan's debut in the WWF or one of his first appearances is shown and takes place from a Superstars of Wrestling taping (Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura commentating would indicate that to be true). Duggan goes through what would become his usual "I love the USA" spiel, but what's most interesting is how CRAZY (in the good sense) the fans are going here. Perhaps it was just his charisma, but he sure had no problems getting the fans to eat out of the palm of his hand, something that most of the guys today have trouble doing.

- A clip from Wrestlemania III is shown, more specifically, after Duggan had interfered in the Killer Bees vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Shiek match, inadvertently getting the Bees disqualified. Duggan verbally runs down the heels as they head back to the locker room, as the Bees stand in the ring and join in on Duggan's USA chant. I'll tell you this, if some moron had cost my team a match, inadvertently or not, on the biggest show of the year, I sure as hell wouldn't be joining in on his chants like some mindless sheep. Interestingly enough, the Bees would continue to get jobbed out until the WWF basically broke them up in late 1988 because there were too many tag teams. I'll bet they wish they had that "problem" these days.

- Flag Match: Duggan vs. Boris Zhukov- This is from the 11/26/88 Saturday Night's Main Event and as the name would imply, the winner of the match gets his flag raised at the end. The best part about this one is Ventura making cracks about Duggan's (lack of) intelligence, while Vince attempts to defend him. Duggan dominates, making the occasional error, which allows Boris to get some light offense and Jesse makes more jokes about his stupidity. To add some insult to injury for the laboring match, Boris obviously calls spots every time they tie up. A scoop slam by Duggan, followed by his famous three-point stance is enough to put Boris away at the 2:30 mark. Well, that was certainly brief, which is exactly what it needed to be. As stipulated, the US flag is raised while the National Anthem plays and Duggan sings along.

- Duggan with some brief thoughts on royalty, mainly focusing on the then King of the WWF, Harley Race. This leads into a look back at their feud, which was probably one of Hacksaw's lengthiest feuds of his WWF tenure.

- We get the initial contact between the two, which occurred on an episode of Superstars. Race is still out celebrating after a squash victory when Duggan comes out for his match, leading to the two crossing paths in the aisle. Of course neither one wants to get out of the way, so Duggan simply cross-checks Harley with his 2x4, thus beginning a feud that would go on for over half a year. On a side note, maybe it was just me, but I always found it a little hard to buy Race as a man of royalty and elegance when his arms were covered in a bunch of bikeresque eagle tattoos.

- Duggan vs. Tiger Chung Lee- This is still from the same episode of Superstars and is in fact just moments after Hacksaw clocked Race. Race is being held back by security in the aisle during the entire match, which lasts all a minute, as Duggan disposes of Lee with the three-point stance. Harley is finally able to break through and get back to the ring, where he confronts Duggan with a steel chair, which he uses to fight off Hacksaw's 2x4 ala the Duggan vs. Bad News Brown match from Wrestlemania V. Duggan wins the fight and gains possession of Race's crown and robe, which he puts on as he's announced as the winner and as Hacksaw "King for a Day" Duggan. With the crown and robe on, Duggan bares a striking resemblance to Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. As for the match, it was quite like your typical RAW match from 1999--a 60-second angle used to forward a storyline.

- Duggan (who comes decked out in the King's apparel) is interviewed on one of the TV tapings, which leads to Bobby Heenan coming out and distracting him long enough for Race to sneak up and beat him down with his own 2x4. While Race is practically choking Duggan to death with his own 2x4, the crowd is yelling "Weasel" at Heenan, which shows you just how disdained Bobby was by the fans. This takes us to…

- The 1987 Slammy's: Duggan comes out wearing jeans and a tuxedo t-shirt to present the award for the Best Dressed Ring Apparel and even has a bowtie on his 2x4, which is somewhat humorous. He announces that he's kept his one eye on fashion and the other on the nominees for the Best Dressed Ring Apparel award. Well, Duggan is one of the few guys who could ACTUALLY do that. One of the funny things about the Slammy's was just seeing a bunch of the wrestlers sitting among "normal" people in the crowd, not to mention some of the visuals you got to see when it came to the wrestlers' dress apparel, i.e. King Kong Bundy in his black singlet and a bowtie. The nominees, if you were wondering, include Demolition (wearing their leather and spikes, but with dress shirts and bowties), Randy Savage, The Honky Tonk Man, Race (wearing his robe, a long-sleeved dress shirt, and his regular wrestling trunks, which is an odd sight), and the British Bulldogs. Of course, Race wins, much to the dismay of Hacksaw. Heenan and Race go up to accept the award, which leads to Heenan cutting down the crowd, and calling Duggan a discount store lowlife, before telling him that he needs to bow down and properly present the award. Naturally he refuses, prompting a shoving match between he and Race and starting a somewhat famous angle where they fought for the rest of the show. In a laugh out loud moment, Gorilla Monsoon is introduced on stage, at which point, Duggan's 2x4 comes flying back onto the stage, which prompts an, "Oh my god, did you see that?" out of Gorilla.

Gorilla decides to risk his own neck and do play-by-play of the entire brawl, which moves all over the building. Some of the areas they visit include the make-up area, electrical unit area, costume room, lobby, and dining hall on the top floor. As they brawl by the make-up area, they make their way past chickens and a donkey; why they're at the Slammy's I have no idea, nor does Gorilla. As they brawl in the electrical unit area, a llama strides past Monsoon and Heenan to make the situation all that much more ridiculous. Race lays Duggan out on a table, climbs atop a stack of boxes, and performs one of his famous falling headbutts onto him, but misses Duggan and just crashes through the table. It's spots like THOSE that ended old Harley's career. All of your typical food fight spots come into play as they find their way into the dining hall, but an atomic drop from Duggan that sends Heenan crashing through a table highlights the whole sequence. Heenan bumped better than half of the actual wrestlers. If all of that weren't enough, we finish right where we started, as the two come crashing through the video screen onto the stage as an award is being presented. Race runs off and Gorilla holds Duggan back, which puts an end to the very extensive brawl. Conveniently enough, Hacksaw is a nominee in the category and wins it to cap everything off. That was quite the long angle and just about everything involving it was overblown, but it actually worked and made for some funny moments. I was impressed enough that a midcard feud got that much attention during such a show.

- Duggan vs. Harley Race- And here's the blowoff match from the 1/25/88 MSG show, which means that Duggan had just won the first Royal Rumble match the night before at the inaugural Royal Rumble event. Can you imagine a midcard feud going for more than six months today? It's even more amazing when you consider that nothing was really on the line at any point between the two, they just didn't like each other. Back then, this is how most feuds came to end (at arena shows), since there were only four PPV's back at the time and two of them didn't really have the space for any blowoff matches, due to their gimmicky nature. Race, like most heels of the time, stalls forever before getting things going. An extended corner-to-corner segment climaxes with Race getting whipped into the corner and doing a flip to the outside that would remind you of the one Triple H used to do in all of his matches when he was still able to get his feet off the ground. Back in and Race charges into the corner, but ends up with his shoulder being rammed into the post. A lot of this match is just the two guys leaning up against each other in between the occasional spot. Headbutt from Race to Hacksaw's abdomen sends him to the floor, followed by one of Harley's famous falling headbutts that misses, causing his head to smack against the concrete. Race gets back in and Duggan disappears under the ring, only to reappear on the other side, allowing him to jump Harley from behind. A shoulderblock knocks Race outside, at which point, he heads to the top rope and executes a fairly sloppy crossbody, that's reversed by Duggan and allows him to get the pin at 10:50. I wasn't expecting too much from these guys since Duggan's Duggan and Race's best days were long behind him, so a hot crowd was just about all you could ask for. As I said before, this basically ended their long feud, which in my opinion, was booked excellently and it makes me wonder why WWE won't just try something like this now. Sure it's simple, but sometimes, that's all a feud needs to be. Not everything needs to be complex to work, especially since the bookers aren't really capable of booking anything complex that's good or makes much sense.

- It should be noted that it's basically downhill from here.

- Clip from the Duggan vs. Ted Dibiase WWF Championship tournament at Wrestlemania IV is shown, as we see Andre the Giant getting involved and distracting Duggan long enough for Dibiase to knock him silly and get the win. As most of you know, Dibiase would go on to the finals of the tournament, while Andre was eliminated along with Hulk Hogan in the first match of the second round. Andre's involvement in this match set up a feud between he and Duggan, and lucky us, we get to see it.

- We're at an episode of Superstars now and Andre is set for a squash match that never happens, as he dumps the jobber to the outside of the ring before the bell even sounds. Duggan comes down to the ring to challenge Andre to a one-on-one confrontation, with Andre responding by choking Hacksaw, not to mention somehow busting open his mouth. Duggan uses his 2x4 to clock Andre and release himself from the choke. Andre appears to be knocked out cold, as Vince notes that he's never seen anyone do that to Andre before. This whole thing takes us to…

- Boston Garden 6/4/88: Duggan vs. Andre- We've got Rod Tronguard and Billy Graham announcing here as if this one weren't going to be hard enough to sit through as it were. I must say, though, that I do miss these monthly arena shows they used to do. Times change, but these were always fun to watch, in my opinion. Granted, there's really no need for them since they've got the monthly PPV's now and they still wouldn't be like this, since they make every arena look basically the same way (I can't be the only one who liked how a lot of the arenas had their own characteristics that made them distinct), but still, these shows are always a nice trip down memory lane. As for this match, Andre refuses to get in the ring for whatever reason and even heads to the back at one point, prompting Duggan to ask loudly, "Hey, what the hell's going on?" I always dug the fact that Duggan didn't feel the need to watch his mouth, even though he was a face. I can't count how many times he snapped at the referee with, "Get off my ass!!!" just for doing his job. You may ask why I'm not even talking about the match, which is because it takes them a good five minutes to even make contact with each other. Pedro Morales of all people, forces Andre to go back to ringside, but he spends a good couple of minutes standing on the outside demanding that the ref tell the fans to shut up. Sad thing is, this is basically how every Andre singles match went from mid-1988 on if it ran more than five minutes.

We finally get both guys in the ring and right away, Duggan clotheslines Andre back into the ropes, which of course is enough to tie him up in them. Graham claims that's the first time he's seen that happen to Andre, which makes me wonder where the hell he was hiding from 1986-on, when that happened in just about every Andre match that wasn't a squash. In case you couldn't already tell, this one ain't pretty, as Duggan vs. 1988 Andre never had a hope in hell of being anything less than horrible. Andre breaks out the restholds, because I guess he felt that the match was moving too fast or something. Duggan fights back and sets up for the three-point stance, but Andre catches him with a big boot, covers him and with his FEET on the ropes, gets the pinfall at the 9:20 mark. Now, I'm no physics expert, but I'm pretty sure that if a 500-pound guy lies on you, you're probably not getting out of it, whether his feet are on the ropes or not. I can understand that they wanted to make Andre seem like a cheat and Duggan like a guy who only lost because his opposition cheated, but it didn't really make sense, although it was a humorous sight to see Andre's enormous carcass pull off a tactic that was normally reserved for smaller guys. These two would also have a lumberjack match in the same building the following month that ended up on Coliseum Video's Best of the WWF Volume 17, and wasn't a whole lot better than this one, if I remember correctly.

- Duggan gives his feelings on Brother Love and Dino Bravo, making at least one subtle homosexual comment about the two.

- The Brother Love Show with Duggan from Summerslam '88 is shown next, with the main topics of discussion being Duggan's patriotism and Dino Bravo. After several minutes, Duggan grows tired of Love's antics and threatens to stick his 2x4 where the sun don't shine if he's not out of the ring by his five-count. And you thought The Rock was the first one to threaten sticking inanimate objects up other people's asses; Duggan had him beat by a whole decade. Of course, Love hightails it out of there after four counts. The whole purpose of the segment was to set up the enthralling Duggan vs. Bravo feud.

- We cut to another Duggan appearance on the Brother Love Show, this time with Bravo coming out to cut him down, as well as America in general. Duggan threatens him with the 2x4 and gets the crowd going crazy with the "USA" chant. It's honestly scary how over this guy was, all things considered. This whole thing of course, was leading to a match at MSG.

- Flag Match: Duggan vs. Bravo- Well, we kicked this tape off with one, so I guess they felt it was only right to end it with one, as well. This is the 12/30/88 MSG show and we have the announcing trio from hell (Tronguard, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Hillbilly Jim) ringside for this one. I'm convinced that all three of them must've been doing something unethical to keep their jobs as long as they did, although, in all fairness, this Tronguard character wasn't around too long.

Lots of your usual kick/punch/no sell format for Duggan, with Bravo getting brief spurts of offense in there. During one of the many portions of the match where activity is nonexistent, the commentators make note of Royal Rumble '89 and how both of these guys will be a part of the match, which is sort of funny, since both got thrown in the 2-of-3 Falls six-man tag match on the show (which was actually the best match on the card, but that doesn't say a whole lot, considering their competition included Rockin' Robin and a super pose down). Duggan goes for the three-point stance, but Frenchy Martin holds on to his leg, which allows Dino to pull off his sideslam finisher, which only gets two. Hard to believe there was a time when a sideslam and a clothesline were considered legit finishers, yet here it is. Those two moves can't even make it to the transitional category these days. Anyway, Frenchy gets up on the apron and tries to nail Duggan with the French flag, but of course hits Dino instead, which is more than enough for Hacksaw to score the three at 7:26. Afterwards, Duggan stands in the ring, singing the National Anthem as the American flag is (very unevenly) raised to the top of the Garden. This one labored quite a bit, although that shouldn't be of any surprise since Bravo was in the group of guys who were only able to have good matches with the really talented guys and Duggan never really had a match in the WWF that was anything above average. Still impressive to see that this feud got three months of buildup, which is unheard of for even main event feuds today. Apparently no one has the attention span for such things, anymore.

Closing Remarks: . Regardless of what you like, when the smoke clears, what you have here is 90 minutes dedicated to what many consider to be the worst wrestler of his day. As I said, I have a soft spot for basically anything from this period in the WWF that others simply don't like, but even I don't like much of this tape. The Race feud was interesting and the Slammy's segment is something that should be seen, simply based on how ridiculous it all is. The stuff with Andre was pretty dull and I never got into any of the feuds where patriotism was the focal point, hence my "meh" feelings on the footage with Bravo. Is this tape worth tracking down and is it worthy of my Bruise of Approval? Since the fans of late 1980's WWF are in the minority within the confines of Smarksville, the answer is a resounding "no" on both counts.

Now that you've read the review, why not drop me a line? You know you want to.

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