by FakeRazor

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Before I start, I want to point out how pathetic this world is. Some humanoid threw down $15,099 to wrestle Tough Enough Flunky Darryl! I don't think I need to comment on that one. Anyway...

The pyro goes off and its time for this week’s Pre-RAW extravaganza!

Your hosts for this week are Jonathan Coachman and….

Crash Holly! I can hardly contain myself!

Seriously, I’d rather have Holly in the booth than D’Lo. D’Lo should be in the ring doing what he does best. No, not bobble his head, though he is the undisputed champion of head bobbling. I’m talking WRESTLING. Speak of the devil… Danger at the Door! It’s D’Lo Brown! D’Lo walks down the aisle and gets a decent pop.

D’Lo grabs the mic, and he calls out Raven. D’Lo’s mad because of what happened on last weeks simply bone chilling installment of Heat, where Raven faked a leg injury and couldn’t compete and sent Stamboli out to do the dirty work. Also from two weeks ago when they brawled in the announce booth. Little feud is a brewin. Anyway, here comes Raven, and he calls D’Lo a “Degenerate Reprobate.” Big words=RATINGZ! Raven calls Heat his personal playground and says he won’t compete tonight. “Tonight your opponent is not just the coolest. He’s not just the best. He’s Justin Credible!” Cool and best; two words that should never be associated with Justin Credible. Credible gets a little heat, but not much. Looks like we’ve got our first match.

Match One: Justin Credible vs. D’Lo Brown
They start brawling as D’Lo gets the upper hand. Irish whip by D’Lo, and he hits a Heel kick on the way back. Credible gets his ass up quick, but gets hit with a clothesline. Credible gets up again and backs into the corner and D’Lo whips him to the other turnbuckle. D’Lo charges at Credible but gets hit with a boot to the face. Credible runs at D’Lo but gets flapjacked. Cover… 1…2...kickout by Credible. Irish whip and a reversal by Credible. A move that’s been pissed on; a Superkick by Credible! Credible goes to work stomping on D’Lo. He beats his head into the top turnbuckle and hits some pretty weak looking chops. Ric Flair chops they ain’t. He takes D’Lo down with a shoulderblock for a two count. Rear chinlock, but D’Lo elbows out of it. Irish whip and a reversal by D’Lo, but Credible sunset flips him. D’Lo rolls through and hits a nice dropkick to the face of a seated Justin Credible. Both guys are down. Raven is trying to pump Credible up, and he’s got the advantage with some brawling. D’Lo fights back and hits his new finishing move (DAMNIT I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME!!!), you know, the one where he starts out in the Fallaway slam position but instead swings you around and slams you flat on your back. Impressive, but D’Lo can’t follow up. D’Lo takes him down with some right hands, followed by an Irish whip and a baaaack body drop. Shoulderblock by D’Lo, and he’s taking charge of this match. Credible fights back, but D’Lo introduces Credible’s nuts to the turnbuckle. Scoop Slam by D’Lo, and then the shaky leg drop! Credible kicks out! Credible whips D’Lo into the corner, but he leapfrogs over him. Back in the middle of the ring, SKY HIGH! Wow, when was the last time we’ve seen that?!? 3 Count, D’Lo wins. Raven runs in and hits the Raven Effect on D’Lo Brown.
**

Commercial time!

We’re back and we’ve got a recap of Raven hitting the Raven Effect on D’Lo.

Next Coach hypes for the HHH vs. Shawn Michaels match. The video package is shown. My Cable company fucked up, and the video was full of static over the audio. From what I could see, it was a nice little montage of Michaels’ career.

Next we get the ultra cool Summerslam promo video. I really dig this video; it hypes up for EVERY match on the card. Sweet. I really like towards the end when it shows Lesnar in black and white, wiping Hogan’s blood on his body, which is red.

They hype for the main event, Stasiak vs. Bradshaw. Woo, that promises to be quite a snoozefest. Ah, they also hype for Shelton Benjamin vs. William Regal. Hey, that might not be so bad!

Commercial time again.

Side note: Crash Holly on Commentary
Thus far he really doesn’t talk too much during the matches, it’s been almost ALL Coach. He hasn’t been doing much of anything. He made some goofy comments here and there, but that’s it. D’Lo does a better job, but I’d rather see D’Lo in the ring. Goddamn, can the WWE hire a decent commentator? Put Al Snow back in the booth or something, he did a decent job!

And… we’re back!

Time for the Lugz Boot of the Week. The boot is Jericho pantsing Chris Jericho on RAW. What the hell does that have to do with the boot of the week?

Here comes Regal, who gets decent heel heat. Benjamin comes out to a pretty generic theme, and he gets an okay reaction. It’s match time!

Match Two: William Regal vs. Shelton Benjamin
They tie up. Regal gets backed into a corner, but fights it off. They tie up again, and Regal gets him with a wristlock. Benjamin reverses it into an armdrag. Tie up again, an armbar by Regal. Benjamin tries to reverse it, but Regal holds on has Benjamin rolls through. Regal gets him back up, with the armbar still intact, but Benjamin fights back with a headlock. He head scissors his way out of it. We’ve got a slow paced scientific match thus far. Lots of standing around. Another tie-up, Regal turns it into a waistlock, then a headlock. Armdrag by Benjamin, more standing around. Regal extends his hand for Benjamin to shake it. Benjamin shakes it, but puts Regal right in a headlock, which the crowd pops for. Regal whips Benjamin, and they trade waist locks. Regal tries for a kick, but Benjamin pulls a dragon screw, and puts Regal in the corner. Benjamin has upped the tempo here. Baaaack body drop out of the corner by Benjamin. COVER… 1…2…KICKOUT! Rear chinlock on Regal. Benjamin slams Regal’s head into the mat a few times, and punches Regal into the corner. Regal reverses Benjamin’s whip into a wristlock and an Irish whip of his own. Shoulder block, and Benjamin gets right up. Regal takes Benjamin down with some nice looking uppercuts. He gets Benjamin in the corner and hits him with some chops. He tries to whip Benjamin to the other turnbuckle, but Benjamin reverses the whip and sends Regal into the corner. Regal hits Benjamin with a boot to the midsection and a school boy for two. STIFF KICK from Benjamin, and a kickout at two by Regal. Side headlock by Benjamin, Regal Brawls out. Regal tries for a whip, but Benjamin twists the arm and hits a Russian Legsweep for two. Floatover suplex by Benjamin for two! Backslide by Benjamin for two! Lots of near falls here. Regal gets up and floors Benjamin with a clothesline. The crowd is starting to get into this one. Benjamin tries for a wristlock, but Regal flips over and hits a nice sunset flip. Benjamin rolls through, but Regal grabs him and gets him in an UGLY small package. That was enough to do it though, as Regal gets the win. I would have put Benjamin over here, but whatever. Benjamin shows promise; hopefully he’ll make it off Heat soon.
**

Terri flags Raven down backstage for an interview. Decent promo cut by Raven, calling Heat his playground. “I almost feel sorry for Justin, but in chess, pawns must be sacrificed.” Oooh, that was a pretty cool line.

And now, a word from our sponsors.

More shilling for HHH vs. Shawn Michaels, with another video segment!

WWE in Australia clips shown again.

RAW Recap:
Clips of Lesnar showing up at RAW and sitting in the front row are shown. The HHH promo, interrupted by The Rock is the highlight of this recap. Most notable thing here, a fan sign! “Peopl’s Row.” Man, how insanely illiterate! Rock and Trips brawl in the ring, and Hunter hits the Pedigree after Lesnar distracts him. This is to build up for the Triple H vs. The Rock (part 2038429379821347918374928374982375982374983274982348927398472, hey, but who’s keeping count?) main event tomorrow night on RAW.

Commercials? Already?

RAW Recap:
Rock, Undertaker, Booker T and Goldust vs. Triple H and the Unamericans. This was a hot 8 man tag, if I do say so myself. It’s basically more buildup for Rock/HHH. Surprisingly, Test scored the pin on the American Bad Ass in this one. Guess Test’ll be jobbing at Summerslam then.

Hype for the Hosstastic main event tonight, and more hype for Triple H vs. The Rock. Oh, and COMMERCIALS!!!

WWE Rewind: Matt Hardy turning on Jeff Hardy
I’m liking the whole Team OMEGA thing. Hey, we don’t have to see another Hardy vs. Hardy match either!

Main Event: Battle of the Hosses: Bradshaw vs. Shawn Stasiak
Stasiak has a revamped theme. Well, maybe he doesn’t, but it sounds different to me. Bradshaw wastes no time and takes Stasiak out with a right hand, and throws Stasiak over the top rope. He beats the hell out of Stasiak on the outside, and throws him back in the ring. Stasiak gets the upper hand in the ring with some clubs to the back of the neck. Stasiak whips Bradshaw, but telegraphs something, and gets a club to the back. Brawling from Bradshaw, followed by a DDT. Cover for two. Bradshaw fist drops Stasiak in the back, and punches him a few more times. Bradshaw tries for a powerbomb, but Stasiak turns it into a back body drop and a clothesline. Crash is all excited about Stasiak wrestling. He says, “Stasiak is setting up for his finisher, the Ratings Dropper!” Hah… ok. Stasiak hits him with some more clubs to the back, and a whip, reversed. Bradshaw catches Stasiak and hits him with a Fallaway slam. Stasiak heads over to the corner, but Bradshaw hits him with some punches. Stasiak manages to pull off an Irish whip to toe other turnbuckle, and catches Bradshaw in a sleeper hold, which Bradshaw tries to fight out of, but Stasiak turns it into a side headlock. Side suplex by Bradshaw, and he’s out of the hold. Both men are down, and get up at 6. More brawling and a whip from Bradshaw, followed by a shoulderblock. Another whip, but a reversal by Stasiak, followed by another shoulderblock. Bradshaw follows up with an Elbow drop coming off the ropes. Cover… 1…2…kickout. Bradshaw charges Stasiak into the corner, and taunts to the crowd. Why do people cheer for him?? Bradshaw sets Stasiak on the top, and tries for a superplex. Stasiak hits him off, and hits a flying clothesline when Bradshaw gets up. That was semi-impressive. Bradshaw kicks out at 2. Brawling from Stasiak, and a whip into the corner. Bradshaw moves out of the way when Stasiak charges at the turnbuckle, and when he backs away he’s met with the Clothesline from Hell. This hoss-tastic match is in the books. Bradshaw grabs his developmental talent tying rope… err... hog tying rope and heads out to a decent pop. Hey, at least he’s not on RAW!
*

Bottom Line:
This was an ok installment of Heat. Crappy commentating from Crash, but he didn’t say all that much anyway. Justin Credible vs. D’Lo Brown and Shelton Benjamin vs. William Regal were decent matches. The main sucked. A lot of recapping, there were only 3 matches as opposed to the usual three. I guess they’re building up for Summerslam a lot this week. A lot of HHH vs. Shawn hype. Not a bad show, but not a good show either. Mediocre sums it up well. If you haven’t seen Benjamin, then I guess this show is worth seeing, as he had a decent scientific match with William Regal. Otherwise, it’s completely forgettable.

“Longfellow couldn’t have said it better.”

FakeRazor

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