by Byron Vester

---

Wassup, freaks? Yes, it’s me again, your host with the most, Byron Vester(God, I feel so pathetic). Been a real slow ass week for news(actually, when HASN’T it been slow lately?), so there’s not much in the way of wrestling content, but there’s plenty of NFL Playoff goodness to go around.

AFC Divisional Games:

Pittsburgh/Tennessee- This is probably one of the best postseason games I’ve ever seen. The brutality of this game is only matched by the sheer heart attack nature of the overtime finish. Also, aside from the later on Atlanta/Philadelphia game, I’ve never seen so many injuries and outright punishing hits ever. From Pittsburgh’s Farrier(can’t remember his first name) LANDING ON HIS HEAD after a missed diving tackle, which garnered a “Holy SHIT!” from me, to Eddie George getting knocked the FUCK out at the beginning of the second half, this game had it all. Plus, lip-reading Fisher and Cowher is very entertaining, especially when they’re pissed off. As much as I despise the Titans(and the state of Tennessee to begin with), I must give credit where credit is due, Steve McNair is one tough motherfucker and if Rich Gannon hadn’t had the year he did, I’d say he would have been a shoe-in for MVP of the league.


Oakland/New York- I’d been saying all the long that the Jets got to this point by hammering pretty bad defenses and thus was proved completely true as the Raiders(after a pretty conservative first half) put it all together and just dominated the fuck out of New York and beat them by 20. I’m not downplaying what Herman Edwards and the Jets accomplished considering where they were after the first 5 games, but everybody was all on their nuts during this hot streak of theirs, calling them “this year’s Patriots” and all that jazz, but the fact remains is that they hadn’t been tested against a GOOD defense and it came back to bite them in the ass bigtime with a second half collapse of Chad Pennington against probably the third best secondary in the league. New York really doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of and I wouldn’t be surprised if they got back here next year with all the awesome young talent they have.



NFC Divisional Games:


Tampa Bay/San Francisco- Complete and utter squash by the Bucs here as the Niners never got rolling on offense. It seems odd that Tampa Bay would put up 30+ on someone, but then again, this IS the Niners piss poor D we’re talking about here, so I’m not that surprised. Don’t expect it next week, though, because Philly is just way better on offense than the Bucs and is damn near as good on defense.


Philadelphia/Atlanta- Philly’s offense was pretty conservative here, but that’s kinda understandable due to McNabb’s supposed rust. Either way, Philly DOMINATED the Falcons on defense and contained Micheal Vick(what’s with this Mike Vick crap anyway?) for the most part, but they really couldn’t stop the TE passes and Vick rolled up over 260 yards through the air when it was all said and done, but the Eagles buckled down and kept the bleeding to the absolute minimum. Now the real test comes for Donovan as they face the tenacious Tampa Bay defense, but on their own field, so that’s an advantage for them. I think it’ll be a real close game, but the superior Eagle offense will find a way in the end.



Okay, now that we got the good stuff out of the way, time for CONTENT, BAY-BE~!

TSM Weekend Newsflash

Smackdown Thoughts

Smackdown this week had some really average-above average matches, but as a whole, was STILL miles ahead of RAW IS QUEER in terms of quality with 9 matches and a minimum of the stupid skits. As long as they provide at least pretty decent wrestling, I’m happy, dammit.

Rikishi/Big Show: What a terrible way to open the show. You save these stinkers for some time later on in the show, not to open up. ½* for Rikishi’s Perfect-like clothesline sell.

Vanilla Cena/Chavo Guerrero: Decent enough, but man, Cena is sloppy as fuck. He’s getting over, though, as much as it pains me to see. *3/4

Matt Hardy/Kidman: I think I could hear DEAN~! Screaming in his living room when he saw Kidman, and really, who could blame him? Match was nice, but GOD, what a cheap finish. **

Jamie Noble/Tajiri: I guess they felt the need to close this feud once and for all and god bless ‘em for it. Psychology was all over the place with our Redneck Messiah going from the head, to the arms, and finally the leg, but fuck it, I can forgive him because of the MANLY sell of the Big Kick. It was just that good. **1/2

Edge/Charile Haas: Ever wonder what Angle would be like without the charisma? Just watch Charile Haas and find out, buckos. Don’t get me wrong, the match was quite good, but man, Haas looked like he was doing his best Angle impersonation by going from spot to spot without building to anything. Not only that, but those tights of Team Angle give off a “ghey American Gladiator” vibe. **1/4

Chris Benoit/Shelton Benjamin: Good match, too short and a shitty finish to boot. I’ve really started to hate DQ finishes, especially after Brock/Taker from Unforgiven last year. **1/2


Shannon Moore/Bill DeMott: The Push from Hell continues. Oddly enough, so do the DUDs! DUD


Eddy Guerrero/Bling-Bling Buchannan(or whatever he’s called this week): Sweet Jeebus alive, this subtle Bull push is just awful. I wouldn’t complain if he could back it up in the ring, but damn… Eddy tried, but Bling-Bling sucks Ding-a-Ling. *


A-Train/Brock Lesnar: A glorified squash, thank GOD. I’m getting tired of this prevailing trend of Albert supposedly getting a push and brought from Velocity Hell for 2 shows, then throwing him back and then bringing him up again just to job to Lesnar in the main event. Talk about spastic booking. ½*




Okay, now ON WITH THE NEWS!


Minor note, all of the news came from Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer



SMACKDOWN RATINGS

In a prevailing trend(betcha didn’t think I could work THAT in again), Smackdown clocked in at a 3.4, a rating that’s seemingly become it’s usual number lately. I’m just surprised that RAW IS QUEER didn’t run off most of the fanbase on Monday. While it’s nice to see that Smackdown has steadied, the continuation of the Dawn Marie/Al Wilson angle is getting into the “pretty fucking pathetic” range with the recent skits showing Al passing out and stuff. How fucking retarded is the SD! Booking crew to continue this abortion when it’s not going to lead to anything positive due to the fact that Torrie has destroyed Dawn in EVERY “match” they’ve ever had? Oh, and don’t forget the bikini contests, as well… Fwah.




RUMBLE RULES CHANGED

Hey, remember the gheyness that was the 30 minute Rumble 8 years ago? Well, the WWE is bringing it BACK, BABY! It was announced that the contestants would be entering every 60 seconds this year instead of the usual 2 minutes, so the Rumble will technically be 35 minutes. How fucked up is that? Where the hell are they going to get the extra PPV time from? HHH/Steiner? Brock/Big Show? Hell, Angle/Benoit will more than likely go for 15 due to Angle’s knee getting scoped, so they better have a fucking well thoughtout plan to cover this garbage up. Oh, BTW, this rule change just SCREAMS of Brock taking it this year.




PLANNING? WHAT’S THAT?

As if the brain dead rule changes of the Rumble weren’t bad enough, the planned RAW X Anniversary show seems to have been affected by a terminal case of Russo-mania as the show hasn’t even been finalized booking-wise. To make matters even more pathetic, the WWE hasn’t even started calling up guests for the show, even though they made mention on Confidential last week of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan appearing on the show despite not even calling him about it so far. This “let’s wait til the last minute” shit is getting on my fucking nerves and makes me wonder who the hell is REALLY running the damned company at the moment.






Well, that’s about it, folks. I’m outta here til next Sunday, so be sure to come on by again and peep my shit, ‘kay?


Lil bit of pimping before I bounce: Monday. RAW. JHawk. You know you love it. Wednesday is TNA night and as always, my own personal Mini-Me, Damian Gonzalez, throws down on NWA:TNA, so be sure to check him out, hell, if Jarrett and Borash do, so should you, foo’. And last, but not least, the double shot of The Midweek News/Smackdown Report by your god and mine, Dr. Tom.




Later, bootches!




Byron Vester
The SmartMarks.com
E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x’s)

---