by A Spoon/Kostka Joint

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Welcome to the final recap of the Tough Enough III season. This won’t be a regular recap, instead, Peter Kostka and Patrick Spoon (who split the recap duties here at TSM) sat down after the show to discuss the two winners, the result of the final online poll, and take one last look at the season that was.

First, here’s what we thought of the five finalists and their chances BEFORE the show:

Jamie

Patrick: Aztec princess ON DA LOOSE!!! She's still here so they can have a female involved still, I think. However, considering that Justin would have been the guy in her spot, I'm glad she's there. She might have the skills necessary to be a WWE women's division wrestler, but she doesn't have the parts in place to be a WWE DIVA. She's like Chyna 1997, way too mannish looking. She's decent for everyday standards, but by WWE buxom bimbo standards, she's sorely lacking. Also, she has some issues with her personality. She's way too immature, and has a joygasm every time she sees a low-card wrestler. I miss Kelly.

Peter: In my opinion, she’s the odd woman out. Jamie just doesn’t have “it” and was too immature to me. She doesn’t look good compared to the guys (or to the rest of the WWE Divas). She got compliments from both Chris Benoit and Rey Mysterio, though, so that must make her happy.

Eric

Patrick: I always called him Randy Orton II: Electric Boogaloo for a reason. Something about him just screams that "hungry young rookie" gimmick. Never really the focus of the show other than a fling with an Icelandic hottie. He really should have done some sort of screening process with her. I mean, seriously. She was loopy as hell. Eric seems solid in the ring or else he still wouldn't be in the competition, but he seems so vanilla and boring to me that he has little worth outside of being a hot young man for the girls to go nuts for. Maybe his personality is more pronounced than we've been led to believe. Bill is high on him, so that works in his favor. Still, he's an outside shot given his competition.

Peter: Nothing really jumps out at me with Eric. Seriously, I just don’t see anything that makes me say “hey, he seems like a guy I want to see in the ring week after week.” He’s got a very good look, and can hold his own in the ring, but he’s #3 in my book.

Jonah

Patrick: What else can be said about Jonah? This young stud from Boston has proven time and time again that he has the goods to not only become a WWE superstar, but king of Earth. It is my belief that we should all root for Jonah to win, not only in Tough Enough, but in his own future illustrious life. A glossy 8x10 in every home would also be a nice touch. This man can truly do no wrong. From his success with the ladies (ignore Jill's rebuff of him, she isn't of sound mind and doesn't deserve the "Jonah Jammer") to his sense of humor (who can forget his broken neck rib?) to his amazing looks in a women's swimsuit (ooh la la!), Jonah is THE total package. He has a very good shot of winning... BUT (and this is where we come crashing back into reality) the trainers might have issues with his near back-out late in the season, not to mention the fact that he has people the caliber of John and Matt as his competition.

Peter: Well, I know Patrick is already editing together Jonah’s theme and Titantron video as we speak, but I’m not so sure he’ll get a contract. That doubt he showed in Week 11 REALLY upset Big and he pissed off Bill in one way or another each week it seemed. He is the most charismatic of the bunch, that I’ll give him. I just feel that both Big and Al are not that high on him. If they are on the panel of final judges, I have a very good feeling Jonah will fall short.

Matt

Patrick: THE FLAVA, BAYBEE~! I pray they'll let him be THE FLAVA~! in WWE. He's got the skills in the ring, and is pretty ground-based in his most appealing-looking work, another factor in his favor with the riskophobic WWE. Al and Bill have been big on Matt for most of the competition. Also in his favor is the tolerance of Bob Holly's roughing him up. May I say at this point that I'm GLAD Brock put Holly out. Bob Holly and his stiff bullshit have no place in today's wrestling. Matt also has an assload of natural charisma.

Peter: He’s the first of my picks. I believe he can be a star in the WWE. He’s got a great personality, a good look, and the incident with Bob Holly cemented that he can deal with the crap in wrestling and got some of the trainer’s respect (especially Bill’s)

John

Patrick: He is THE lock to win this. John has the natural charisma, a great look, a very amicable personality, and is the most skilled of the five. No episodes really centered on him, but they didn't need to, as the trainers never shirked from a moment to tell you how great he was. He will be a great wrestler one day, and a helluva high flyer. He has the desire and the drive to improve, and the only thing I see ever getting in his way is just that, his ambition. It could get him killed one day, but until then, he WILL be a superstar. After Scott was cut, John became the co-house god, and with good reason.

Peter: He’s a lock for a contract and if he doesn’t win, you might as well cancel the program. The trainers have been calling him a “prodigy” and “natural” and he seems to pick things up super-quick. The only problem may be that he was growing a little bit of an ego from time to time, but Al and Bill quickly bring him back to Earth.

(We both picked Matt and John to win, and Jamie to be cut)

On the show (hosted by Jonathan and Ivory from the World), John and Matt won the contracts and Jamie was cut, getting the most votes in the internet poll. Bow down to our prognosticating excellence, BOW DOWN I SAY!!

Now, onto what we thought AFTER the show.

Patrick: Ok, first topic: The National Vote
Peter: The right decision was made
Patrick: I absolutely agree. However, they'd better not do this every time from here onward, because I don't really trust the population of America to give me a good final choice of wrestlers.
Peter: I wonder what the numbers were.
Patrick: I'm guessing it went Jamie, Eric, Matt, John, and then Jonah. I didn't vote, so I don't know if they displayed the numbers.
Peter: No, they didn't when I voted.
Patrick: Did you also expect Jamie to absolutely break down when she was cut?
Peter: Kinda, but she probably saved it until she was with her parents. We'll probably see it on Confidential.
Patrick: Yeah, it was amazing how much smaller than her they were. I know she was wearing heels, but still. She actually looked decent.
Peter: She kind of expected it, though, I think.
Patrick: Matt looked SWANK~! in that suit.
Peter: He looked (and sounded) like a preacher to me. Maybe that can be his gimmick!!
Patrick: He was the only dude to wear a tie. I love how they expected us to believe that the “Final Day” was the actual final day of training. It was so obvious by how much hair John had grown.
Peter: Well, the "final day" was probably about 2 months ago when they finished training.
Patrick: Eric slipped and said “six months” when everyone else was saying thirteen weeks.
Peter: He wasn't too happy, so he probably figured "fuck kayfabe."
Patrick: Eric looked like he was about to snap Josh Matthews in two. I would have marked for that.

Patrick: When they showed the cuts and quitters, I realized that Rebekah's existence had totally been erased from my mind. I wonder what happened to the trailer.
Peter: She probably was like Demi Moore in Striptease and danced for the money.
Patrick: “I gotta dance for mah momma!” (jiggles around)
Peter: That montage of the cuts showed how shallow some of the contestants were.
Patrick: Seriously. Nick is still detested by me to this day.
Peter: Jill pissed EVERYONE off. Aside: How did Josh get a job as an announcer, anyway? He sucks.
Patrick: Because they were afraid to make him a wrestler, I think. He would have been suicidal.
Patrick: And we all know how anti-cruiser WWE is.
Peter: I know, but the two winners are in that mold a bit.
Patrick: Oh, they'll make Matt a ground-based wrestler. He looked a little awkward doing aerial moves. John will be the high-flyer, and they'd better put him on Smackdown to go against Mysterio.
Peter: Matt looks like a cross between Shannon Moore and a bigger (and better) Jeff Hardy to me.

Patrick: I think the genuine nature of the people who made it showed by their reactions. John was totally shocked that he won and Matt just stood up and was all like “FUCK YEAH!”
Peter: I wasn’t surprised; both guys were a lock in most people's eyes.
Patrick: Oh, mine too. The right two men won. Jonah will get a contract though, he's too popular. That and his little comment about seeing them in the ring very soon kinda sounded foreshadowing.
Peter: Yeah, JR needs a new HOSS to play with.
Patrick: I don't understand why Jonah's considered a hoss. He's just a muscular fellow.
Peter: Maybe he's got a development deal already.
Patrick: Maybe so. I know one thing though, I can't WAIT to see Matt kick the shit out of Bob Holly in the ring.

Peter: Here's a question: Would you have put Justin in place of Eric? I think I would have.
Patrick: Hell no. Justin had personality flaws and his talent, although pretty close to, wasn't quite the level of Eric. Also, Justin didn't really have anyone behind him saying something other than “he's doing well” or “he's solid.”
Peter: I don't know. They just seemed interchangeable to me.
Patrick: He also didn't have much of a look about him. Like I loved saying, he reminds me of onions, and who wants to think of onions during a match?
Peter: True, but that cut was tough for the trainers, though.
Patrick: If there's any justice, Scott will show up in TNA or something.
Peter: See him feel up Ivory on the beach? "What's my name?" Heh.
Patrick: That was fucking GOLD. Hey, Ivory's an eligible bachelorette. (puts information into mental vault)
Peter: As Dames would say (well, occasionally post), "I'd hit that!"
Patrick: I'd hit that, break for lunch, and then come back for more. And if she said I couldn't get seconds, I'd demand firsts again.

Peter: Notice there was little if no mention of TE II? No trainers, no Jackie or Linda, nothing?
Patrick: Of course not. TE II was a disaster. Kenny was the motherfucking MAN on there, and he got screwed.
Peter: I never saw a single week of it, so I can't comment.
Patrick: This year had a good solid group of trainers.
Peter: No doubt. They also brought in some good guests (Mysterio, Benoit, etc.)

Patrick: Okay, here's another little topic: I will simply title it “Dude.” The outtakes at the end made this much more enjoyable.
Peter: I counted 25 "dudes", and Jonah’s *Fart* I'm gonna be a diva? GOLD!
Patrick: Little things like that made this more fun to watch than the Raw Tenth Anniversary, held in the same building a mere week earlier.
Peter: Well, they actually planned this WAY before 48 hours before the show, I would guess.
Patrick: What was the deal with everyone trying to get into Jonah's pants in the van? I mean, he is a very strapping young man, but sheesh.
Peter: They couldn't get enough of the Chooch, I guess.
Patrick: Since when is Coach a ladies man?
Peter: Don't ask me. Maybe he's hung.
Patrick: Well, he is always hanging with the females on WWE broadcasts. Speaking of females......KELLY~!
Peter: If she didn't hurt her back, she would have been in Jamie's place. I really liked her drive, but the pain just was too much for her to handle, I think.
Patrick: And she’s much hotter than Jamie. She didn't look like Lita at all tonight.
Peter: I didn't see her much.
Patrick: They showed her on a close-up coming back from the commercial break.

Patrick: Did you notice that the final 25 were all there?
Peter: I saw most of them
Patrick: Classy move by WWE to invite them.
Peter: They all were at the very least likeable, except for Jill, Wendell, and Rebekah
Patrick: Hey, I liked Jill. She was fine, and she had THAT ASS.
Peter: She seemed a little stuck up and quit for a STUPID reason (Jonah cheating on her).
Patrick: Ehh, Jonah wasn't cheating on anyone. He was simply using his natural abilities to attract women.

Peter: Uh huh. Do you think this was the best TE season?
Patrick: In my opinion, it rivals the first season, but that season gets the nod.
Peter: I'd say they are neck and neck, in that probably 5 or 6 from this season will be in the WWE soon, too.
Patrick: Ooh, that's a bit much, only four, at the most, I’d say.
Peter: The way I see it, Matt, John, Jonah, Eric, and maybe either Jamie, Justin or Kelly (if she's kept it up) all get into WWE.
Patrick: Balderdash, Scott in Eric's place.
Peter: Maybe.
Patrick: Eric showed he was a dick when he lost. And he wasn't the show's heel, like Nowinski was season one's heel.
Peter: Hey, he was pissed; he felt that he was the best. He'll get in by the end of the year, anyway.

Peter: We’ve covered enough, got any final thoughts?
Patrick: It was fun to recap this when there were more subjects to make fun of, and I'm glad someone picked up the rest of it. Jonah is still YOUR god, and be sure to tip your stripper, his name is Peter.
Peter: Jonah's jock is in the mail, Spoon.
Patrick: Great! Er, I mean... aw fuck.
Peter: Anyway, I really enjoyed this season. WWE really redeemed themselves from the crap that was TE II. We’ll be seeing a lot of not only the two winners, but a few others as well.

That does it for Tough Enough. We would both like to thank you for reading our recaps and sending feedback. Good luck to Matt and John and good luck also to Eric, Jonah, Jamie and the others who we may see in WWE in the future.

Send mail to Peter Kostka
Send mail to Patrick Spoon

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