by The Dames

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The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 33

Hello and welcome back to this week's NWA Diatribe.

After coming off of doing my WWE No Way Out 2003 Diatribe last night, which you can all find at TheSmartMarks.com, I'm not in any real mood to prolong this tonight. With that being said...I've got just one thing to say about last weeks program.

Peanut butter & Banana sandwiches. How in the WORLD is that common knowledge? I received over 30 emails telling me that Elvis used to eat Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches, even sometimes fried. I've never heard of that before. I'm one for making weird combinations with food (bacon, egg and chicken fingers on a roll for example), but that is just NASTY.

Let's get right to it....the show starts off with a video package recapping last week's solid Styles/Jarrett championship match where Jarrett retained the title after Styles was distracted by Sonny Siaki.

We get the usual intro before we go right into our first match of the night....

Kid Kash (w/Trinity) vs. Jason Cross for the NWA:TNA X Division Title

Match Background: Jason Cross hasn't wrestled in TNA since Week 27 due to a broken thumb. This is his 2nd attempt at winning the X title. He and Kash have only hooked up once before in TNA rings and that was in Week 25 where he went on to become the number one contender for X title that night.

The Match: As Kid Kash comes down to the ring, we see tonight's TNA girls dancing with each other in one cage. Seems like they're always changing the 2nd girl every week. We get a tale of the tape for Cross and Kash before we go to Borash for the Boxing Style Introductions. Cross is booed by the crowd for some reason. He was getting over as a fan favorite before he was injured. They lock up and battle over armwringers, like practically every match this past week, before Cross is able to knock Kash down with a shoulder tackle. He goes for a powerbomb but Kash armdrags his way out of it. Kash flips out of a monkey flip attempt and then they trade armdrags and two counts before both men take a step back. I'm glad that they didn't use the Indy Applause Stance that Kash does all the that and bugs me so much. They lock up once again and battle over armwringers once more before Jason Cross ducks a clothesline and nails a superkick for two. They battle over a hiptoss, with Cross tossing Kash onto the apron and he dropkicks the X Champ down. As Kash gets up, Cross slingshots himself over with a somersault which gets the crowd going into a "TNA" chant. The crowd sounds a lot louder this week...maybe Jerry Jarrett finally fixed the mics. On the outside, Kash goes for his "smashmouth" move (or just throwing a chair at your opponent if you wanna be a dick about it. I know I do.) but like EVERY WEEK, his opponent catches the chair and throws it back at him. This week, Kash realizes that getting hit in the face with chairs DOES hurt and he catches the chair when it's thrown back at him. Ahh, I used to have matches like this in No Mercy all the time. Anyway, Cross goes for a Van Daminator of sorts, but Kash ducks and hits his stupid SmashMouth. Kash lights Cross up with a chop before sending back into the ring and coming off the top with a nice Kane-style clothesline for two. Kash goes for a suplex, but Cross floats over and hits a Roll of the Dice for two! Cross hits a clothesline and follows it up with a somersault legdrop for another two count. We go to the chinlock as they allow my fingers to breathe. Who do they think they are, those quick X-Division guys!? Cross goes for a backslide, but Kash gets out of it and hits the BANKROLL~!, but OF COURSE, no one ever puts that move over as he only gets a two. Cross hits one of the weakest kicks to the midsection I've EVER seen...and has to cover for it by doing it again before hitting Kash in the head with an enziguiri. Cross heads up to the top and goes for the CROSSFIRE~!, but it misses! Kash comes off the top with a 'rana and follows it up QUICKLY with a spinning DDT and Kash pins Cross before Cross even knew what was going on!

Winner: Kid Kash

My Opinion: Decent X Division match to start the show off, although Jason Cross is still very green. It seems like TNA is just going to feed Kash a few wins to re-establish the title after the Siaki reign almost killed it and Cross was the victim this week. *1/2.

In the back, Goldylocks tries to get a word with NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett about what happened when he got home last week with Vince Russo awaiting him, but Jarrett just walks by without saying a word.

S.E.X's music hits as Vince Russo comes to the ring. He wears one of Dustin Rhodes' old "The Natural" jackets to the ring. He gets a "Russo sucks" chant to start. He claims that after having a heart to heart with his best friend, Jeff Jarrett, he's agreed to join Sports Entertainment Extreme. He then says that the offer extends to anyone in the back for anyone who wants to join S.E.X., which prompts A.J. Styles to come out. He comes to the ring with THE STICK~! and gets in Russo's face, getting an "AJ" chant. AJ calls him a Yankee bastard before telling him that he was right all along about Jeff Jarrett. He wants to have a "blackened heart" like Jarrett does, in order to give him an edge. AJ says that he doesn't agree with Russo's philosophy, but if he can help him get the World Heavyweight Title...he'll sign with S.E.X. right now. Russo is VERY happy to hear it...but says "it's not about me, its about Sports Entertainment Extreme". AJ tells him that he's ready to join...which brings out Raven to the ring! Raven is obviously upset as he feels HE is TNA's top dog, hitting his "What about Me? What about Raven?" catchphrase. He claims that he didn't come from WWE to stand in line behind an "X-Division midget wannabe". Russo: "Raven...it's not about YOU. It's about ME!" How very contradictory of you, Mr. Russo. Russo gets in his face about the fact that Raven's old ECW rivals are now coming after him, so Raven switches the conversation to AJ Styles. Raven claims that AJ wouldn't be able to beat The Sandman...and then AJ interjects by stating that Raven wouldn't be able to last in the X-Division. Raven challenges AJ to wrestle Sandman tonight and tells him that he'll wrestle an X-Division guy. Raven: "He will KILL you!". Raven and AJ go nose to nose for a few seconds before Americas Most Wanted come out to the top of the ramp. They want Triple X and they want their shot at the tag titles TONIGHT, but XXX isn't here. Storm takes the mic away from Harris and says that if they don't get XXX, then they want Russo! They charge the ring and Raven tries to defend Russo, but he doesn't have to as The Hot Shots come to the ring and double team AMW! The Hot Shots are wearing S.E.X. T-shirts!

My Two Cents: The interview was pretty boring until AJ and Raven started trading barbs at each other. Americas Most Wanted are pretty bad on the stick and I'm glad that didn't last long. The Hot Shots are a nice addition to S.E.X. but I'm starting to get sick of everyone joining the group. I honestly wish they'd just kill this damn angle already.

Goldy in the back with Vader & Dusty Rhodes and she asks him if he believes that Jarrett has joined the "Sex Entertainment"? Hell, that would be better than Girls Gone Wild right? Dusty says that he doesn't believe it in his own language. Dusty pretty much downplays the "Natural" jacket that Russo was wearing. He moves on to talk about the Harris brothers, calling them 6,000 foot identical twins. Vader hits his catchprase and we're out.

Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger(!) vs. Disciples of the New Church (w/ Father James Mitchell)

Match Background: Simon and Swinger haven't been in TNA since Week 6 where they lost to Elix Skipper and Monty Brown and they were booked against the Disciples tonight for no real rhyme or reason.

The Match: Belladonna...I miss you! Slash is actually playing to the crowd, getting them to chant "Evil" for the Disciples. Slash and Simon lock up with Simon getting a (stalled) armdrag first. Slash gets a shoulder block, screams out "EVIL!" and misses an elbow drop. Simon misses one of his own, allowing Slash to get him in the corner and abuse him physically by stomping on his chest. Swinger comes in, but Slash just does it to the him as well. Lee takes care of Swinger on the outside as Slash and Simon brawl at ringside. Back in the ring now, Diamond hits a superkick on Slash for two. "Lets go EVIL" chant by the crowd as Simon and Swinger hit a doubleteam move for two. They beat up on Slash some more and Lee tries to make the save, but the ref forces Lee out, allowing Simon and Swinger to continue the beating for two. Simon gets his rolling vertical suplexes, ending with a sit out front suplex for two. I'm pretty sure that had a name in ECW, but I don't remember it. Drop me a line if you do. Swinger comes back in and hits a low blow on Slash with the ref distracted. Swinger puts on a sleeper, but Slash hits a back suplex to get out of the move. Slash tries to get back to his corner, but he's being held onto by Swinger and ends up smacking the ref in the face before tagging out to Lee. Lee comes in all HOUSE EN FUEGO~! and stuff, but the ref forces him out because he never saw the tag. Simon sets Slash up to get hit with a Swinger chair shot for a close two count. Father Mitchell gets on the ring apron and hands Lee a spike (in clear view of the ref he's arguing with) as Simon and Swinger go for the PROBLEM SOLVER~! Lee interrupts it though and nails Diamond with it, allowing Slash to hit his hangmans neckbreaker for the pin!

Winners: The Disciples of the New Church

My Opinion: The match was alright, slow at times, but the crowd didn't seem to mind. They really like the New Church and they probably would have been more active if they knew who Simon and Swinger were. As for the former ECW tag team, they did fine in this match although they could have done a lot more. I wonder if Simon Diamond was ever jealous of Al Wilson.... *1/4.

We go to the back where Goldylocks is outside Jeff's Jarrett's locker roomdoor. He invites her in and tells her that he was best friends with Russo. Jarrett starts to agree with Russo's philosophy...and takes off his jacket to reveal a S.E.X. shirt. Jarrett says that he'll show what happened last week at the end of the show and brandishes a videotape.

Tenay and West are in shock, with Tenay just looking heartbroken.

He segues into a sit down interview conducted earlier between Mike Tenay, Mike Sanders & Glen Gilberti. He asks Gilberti about his title (Director of Character Development) and asks him point blank how many characters he's developed. Gilberti (who looks a lot like Fred Savage in this interview for some reason) tells Tenay that he is VERY qualified, despite what Tenay believes because the ratings and buyrates are up. Wow, talk about dodging the question. Tenay believes that the buyrates have gone up because the battle between Tradition and S.E.X. isn't one sided. Tenay then acts Sanders (Director of Talent Acquisition) how many wrestlers he's acquired since being given the position. Sanders tells him that he'll slap him in the face for Tenay's condescending tone. He's acquired Gilberti and begins to praise Russo's vision some more. Sanders tells him to wake up and realize that traditional "rasslin'" isn't going to feed his family, to which Tenay states that he understand that times are changing and there is a place for both, but not to the level that Vince Russo desires. Tenay asks them to sell Russo's vision to him, to which Sanders tells him that there's nothing to sell, seeing as how the rating have gone up 22%. I can't believe they're using a two month old figure to try and sell this angle. Gilberti then asks Tenay how many people watch wrestling on Monday Nights (Raw), to which Tenay says about 5 million viewers. Gilberti then says that in its peak, when Vince Russo was in charge, there were about 11 million viewers, so in his way of thinking, there's 6 million fans of sports entertainment that have stopped watching and those are the people they're trying to attract. Tenay says that 6 million people got sick of sports entertainment and that's why WCW went out of business. Tenay and Gilberti agree that this debate could go for hours. Gilberti says that you never see people walking down the street wearing lucha masks, to which Tenay says that no one dresses up like Disco stars in the street either. Tenay wants to end the discussion. Sanders chimes in with "give us 3 months, we'll make anybody a 'rassler'. Gilberti: "Yeah, we made David Arquette into a rassler". Tenay remarks about how poor that was, to which Gilberti says "That was just as good as putting a wig on Kurt Angle". OK, giving a mediocre angle the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE is not the same as putting a wig on a Main Event wrestler to sell a comedic angle.

The Hot Shots (w/ Mike Sanders and Glen Gilberti) vs. AMW

Match Background: Back in Week Three, The Hot Shots attacked AMW in the back, keeping them from the Tag Team Tournament for the NWA Tag Titles. They got their revenge in Week Six, however, in a straight up tag match. Eventually, AWM finally won the titles in the Tag Team Gauntlet for the Gold and defeated the Hot Shots in Week 17 and in Week 19 in a three way dance along with Chris and Rick Michaels (who’s severly injured and may never wrestle again). In Week 22, however, the Hot Shots defeated AMW via count out and haven't squared off since.

The Match: AMW charge the ring to start and the Hot Shots scurry away. AMW follow them out and start brawling with them. Storm, in the ring with Stevens, nails a HARD clothesline before tagging into the Harris, who hits a lariat of his own. Missile dropkick by Storm leads into a catapult into the corner by Harris...and they BLOW that double team move AGAIN. I honestly don't know what the point of it is! They NEVER HIT IT! They pick up Stevens for a double hiptoss but simply toss him into O'Reilly, who was coming into the ring at the time. The Hot Shots head to the outside, but they aren't safe as Storm comes over the top with a tope onto both of them. Back in the ring now, Harris gets a delayed vertical suplex for two. Stevens catches Harris coming off the ropes with a knee, allowing O'Reilly to get a sloppy ass dropkick to take over finally. They hit a double dropkick to Harris' head for a broken up two count as Sanders and Gilberti looks on. Stevens hits a nice top rope moonsault onto Harris for two. Another doubleteam manuever by The Hot Shots provokes the ire of Storm, allowing them to beat up on Harris some more. Stevens gets the sloppiest Fishermans Suplex I've ever seen on Harris as he was struggling to hold him up the entire time. The Hot Shots gets a double back body drop for two as well. They hit some more double team moves before Storm reaches over and clotheslines O'Reilly down from the apron. Harris makes the hot tag to Storm who comes in and cleans house like he is....* drum roll * MEGAMAID~!..EN FUEGO~! Storm blocks a leg sweep and counters with a kick to the face of Stevens for a two count. O'Reilly elevates Storm to the outside, only to get caught by Harris in a Catatonic attempt! Stevens gets up though and nails Harris in the face (like Shelton did to Brock on Sunday) allowing O'Reilly to get a close two count! Storm comes back into the ring and send O'Reilly to the outside. A superkick attempt is blocked by Stevens, but he nails it a second time as Stevens leaps at him from the 2nd rope for two! Storm gets sent to the outside where Sanders whips him into the guard rail as Harris gets the CATATONIC~! on O'Reilly in the ring! Stevens has the ref distracted and Gilberti comes off the 2nd rope with a double axehandle and he puts O'Reilly on top for the ONE...TWO...NO! Gilberti's interference backfires as he's clotheslined by Stevens and Storm gets him in the Eight Second Ride for the win!

Winners: Americas Most Wanted

My Opinion: This was a pretty good outing for the Hot Shots, who usually don't do so hot. Yes, that pun was intended and poor. The Gilberti interference wasn't necessary as the match was good on its own merits. Well, let's see how many more weeks we go without seeing the Hot Shots again this time. **

Ooh, that new TNA girl is really ASSey.

In the back, Goldylocks is with Sonny Siaki, the "ace in the hold" for S.E.X. Siaki tries to give the Harris' instruction again this week. "Yo, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Vader and Rhodes are like 200 years old. Take care of that". Sanders, Gilberti and the Hot Shots come in while Siaki is speaking. Raven comes out of the stall and Siaki tries to give him some advice, but doesn't know what his match is. Raven walks out and Siaki says "He didn't wash his hands, did he?". Funny, but not as funny as last weeks.

Raven vs. Julio Dinero

Match Background: This match is taking place due to the angle that took place earlier where Raven said he could defeat any X-Division wrestler. This is Julio Dinero's debut in TNA and he hasn't been televised since the dying days of ECW when he tagged with EZ Money.

The Match: Dinero is using Red's music in TNA, apparently. The crowd barely responds to him though. They lock up and get a clean break in the corner. They lock up a second time, but Raven shoves him in the corner. They trade shoulder blocks before Dinero gets a head scissors to take Raven down. A european uppercut as well as a unique STO get a two count on Raven. Dinero ducks a Raven clothesline and hits a spinning back kick for two. A swinging neckbreaker sets up a moonsault that Dinero misses, allowing Raven to get back up and hit a running clothesline. Two knee lifts by Raven send Dinero to the outside, following it up with a Russian Leg Sweep into the guardrail. Raven starts working over the back a bit with a camel clutch and jumping on his lower back, but Dinero turns around on the last attempt and nails him in the crotch with his knees. Raven charges at Dinero after a boot in the corner, but Julio is able to pick him up and drop him down with an elbow to the crotch! Dinero gets up and fights back, getting a discus punch and flying forearm, followed by a pumphandle samoan drop! Dinero gets another powerslam for two. Dinero gets in a 3 point stance and charges at Raven in the corner, but Raven pulls the ref in the way and he's bumped. Dinero gets a superkick and makes the cover but there's no ref. Dinero gets on the top rope, but AJ Styles then comes down to the ring and knocks him down, allowing Raven to get up and hit the Evenflow DDT for the pin!

Winner: Raven

After the match, AJ gets in the ring and says some words to Raven, who blows him off.

My Opinion: I haven't seen Julio Dinero in a long time, but he still doesn't seem like anything special. Raven didn't do too much in this match either. I don't understand AJ helping out though. *

We go to the back where Goldylocks is with Konnan. Goldylocks wants to know what plan B is for Konnan now that the SAT's have failed. He said that Lynn was able to defeat two noobies, but tonight....he's getting someone with experience. A man that Lynn and the rest of the luchadores look up to...and he brings out Juventud Guerrera to a pop. The crowd starts chanting "Juice". Konnan gets upset cutting the promo, hyping up Juvi.....AWESOME promo. Juvi gooses Goldylocks as he leaves and she curses him out in Spanish.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Jerry Lynn

Match Background: Jerry Lynn and Konnan got in a verbal war of words concerning Lucha Libre vs. the X Division. After Lynn was jumped by the SAT's on behalf of Konnan, he took them on last week in a triple threat match and was able to outsmart and defeat them, to Konnan's dismay. Konnan stated while doing color commentary last week that he would be bringing in luchadores from Mexico to TNA to re-establish the X Division and prove to Jerry Lynn that Lucha is greater than X.

The Match: Tenay sings Juvi's praises, naming all of the men he's beaten in WCW, also throwing in how The Juice was his broadcast colleague at one point. The crowd is SOLIDLY behind Juvi hear. Juvi and Lynn hook up as the crowd goes into "Go Jerry Go". They go at it so quick, countering each other that I can't even describe it all...just know that it was quick and it was ALL counters. After getting some separation, Juvi goes for an enziguiri and misses, but Lynn misses an elbowdrop allowing Juvi to take over with chops in the corner. Juvi gets a headscissors out of the corner, but Lynn gets an atomic drop for two before following it up with a Gory Special. Juvi flips out of it and hits a 'rana, but Lynn hits his tilt a whirl backbreaker for two. Juvi counters a second tilt a while attempt with a kick to the chest. Lynn blocks a suplex and they blow an irish whip sequence, so Lynn crotches Juvi on the top rope to cover. Lynn goes for a sunset flip, but Juvi rolls through and hits a NASTY front dropkick to the face that gets a replay! The crowd is all "JUICE, JUICE" as Juvi hits a dropkick on Jerry. Juvi gets a spinning DDT that send Lynn to the floor and he motions to go over the top. He fakes him out, but does a springboard somersault to the outside! The Juice is Loose Baby! Juvi goes to suplex Lynn back in, but Jerry floats over and attempts a reverse suplex, ending up with Juice on the apron. Juice gets a forearm on Lynn and attempts a shoulder block, but EATS a Lynn legdrop to the back of the head! Lynn dropkicks him in the back and gets a ONE..TWO...NO! Lynn goes for his tornado DDT, but Juvi catches him with a Northern Light Suplex! Lynn floats over and goes for a reverse suplex again, but Juvi counters THAT and hits a move that my best friend calls The Charmer! (Reverse DDT into a Falcon Arrow). ONE...TWO...NO! Konnan tells him to "FINISH HIM" in Spanish as the crowd chants "Juvi". Juvi hits an AWESOME Torture Rack into a sit out powerbomb for a CLOSE TWO! Lynn gets a corner roll up for two and they go through a bunch of pinfall sequences for CLOSE two counts! A Lynn German suplex is flipped over and Juvi hits a bulldog for another TWO count! Lynn gets a bridged roll up out of nowhere and the three count!!

Winner: Jerry Lynn

After the match, Konnan gets upset at Juvi and gets in his face. The crowd was definitely behind Juvi and he can turn face ANY TIME HE WANTS.

My Opinion: Wow. It's been a while since I've seen a good Juvi match, but he's still got it. This is what a good storyline should produce, good matches. So far, I'm 100% pleased with everything Konnan has been doing in TNA and if he's bringing in more guys, lets GET IT ON! ***

Goldylocks is once again in the back with Sonny Siaki. Mortimer Plumtree goes up to him to try and get to Vince Russo, but Sonny won't let him.

AJ Styles vs. Sandman

Match Background: This match, like the Raven/Dinero match earlier, was made due to the rivalry between Raven and Styles. Raven told AJ that he couldn't defeat the Sandman in a Hardcore match, so AJ wanted to prove him wrong and the match is on.

The Match: Sandman gets in Lollipop Girl's cage as he enters the arena and starts making out with her! She has to sell it like she likes it, although I can't possibly imagine her liking the way he smells. Just like in ECW, he takes forever to get to the ring, pouring some beer down a fans throat. He walks around ringside some more, but Styles is getting impatient so he jumps over the top with a somersault tope con hilo to start the match! AJ throws him into the ring and wrestles circles around him, amateur style for about two minutes. AJ really exposed Sandman's weakness here. AJ hits a STIFF kick to put Sandman down for a two count. AJ leaves the ring and throws the trashcan in, hitting Sandman in the head with it! Sandman gets a few elbows to comeback as well as some right hands. AJ tries to drop toe hold Sandman into the trash can, but Sandman jumps over him, picks up the can and just WAFFLES AJ in the FACE! Sandman goes up the ramp, where he finds a table and brings it to ringside. He wedges it between the apron and the guard rail, but AJ gets up and nails him with a baseball slide to the outside. AJ places him on the table, goes to the top and CRASHES through it as Sandman moves at the last second! Sandman puts a chair into the ring as well as AJ. Sandman gets his cane, but doesn't get to use it as Styles ducks everything and nails a superkick. AJ wedges the chair between the 2nd and 3rd turnbuckles and then goes for the Styles Clash! Sandman nails him in the head with the cane in mid move, getting out of the finisher that way. AJ tries a sunset flip, but Sandman rolls through and catapults AJ into the corner, RIGHT INTO THE CHAIR! AJ sold it like it was BRUTAL! Sandman rolls up AJ, but the ref is bumped. Sandman places AJ on the top, setting him up for the Heinekenrana, but Raven comes from behind and nails him with a chair! Styles puts him in position for a 2nd rope Styles Clash....OUCH!! Sandman's KNEES hit first and he looks HURT! Styles cover....ONE..TWO..THREE!

My Opinion: AJ can do it all! He made this hardcore match pretty damn entertaining for a man who's barely in any. He carried Sandman as best as he could too. That finish looked brutal and I won't be surprised if the man is seriously hurt. *3/4.

Tenay & West discuss next week, as Kash will defend his X title against someone...(see, he's being fed) and Raven and Sandman are going to have a "House of Clockwork Orange" match. I've got NO idea what that is...

The lights go out as Raven starts to cut a promo. He immediately corrects Don West stating that its "Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match". He talks about putting Jeff Jarrett on the backburner in order to concentrate on a "madman who's got a hard on for my crucifixion!". This promo is MEGA cryptic...as apparently, part of the match is going over the balcony, through a few tables. We'll find out next week exactly what it is.

We get a video package on Dusty Rhodes and all of the events that have taken place between himself, Russo, Nikita Koloff and Vader. The beginning of this video package was done VERY well and really put over tradition and Dusty Rhodes.

Dusty Rhodes & Vader vs. The Harris Brothers

Match Background: Last week, The Harris Brothers beat down on Dusty Rhodes to protect Vince Russo, but former WCW Champion Vader made his debut in TNA by making the save. Rhodes then challenged the Harris Twins to this tag team match here tonight. They got into a brawl at the end of last week's program as the Harris' were trying to help AJ Styles defeat Jeff Jarrett for the NWA Title, but Rhodes and Vader were able to stop them. This will be the first time that Vader has teamed up with Dusty Rhodes I believe.

The Match: Dusty and Vader come to the ring to Dusty's SHITTY music. Sonny Siaki and Desire are at ringside. Dusty calls them out on the mic, as he tells them "I taught you better than this". Tenay tells us that both Siaki and Desire were part of Dusty's Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling promotion and he helped train her. Big "Dusty" chant by the crowd and I don't think I've ever heard a louder chant! Vader and Ron Harris start the match out, with neither man budging off the lock up. Ron pummels Vader into the corner, but he comes back with a running avalance and an OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY!!! Big splash by Vader gets two! DAMN, that was great! The Truth is shown in the crowd, watching the match, almost like Sting in his Crow phase in WCW. Rhodes gets into the ring and thankfully, has kept his shirt on. He nails Ron Harris with a few bionic elbows, but Don clotheslines him and takes him to the outside where he's busted open. Siaki lays some boots to Dusty as well before he's thrown into the ring with blood trickling from his forehead. Don Harris nails Dusty in the head with right hands before tagging out to Ron for more of the same. Dusty hits a low blow on Ron to get some separation, but Ron comes back with right hands. Rhodes tries to "Hulk up", but just can't because the pain is too much. The Harris' doubleteam him in the corner before Rhodes comes exploding out of the corner with an elbow. They try to cut him off from making the tag, but Dusty fights back! Dusty and Vader make the most ILLEGAL TAG OF ALL TIME as Vader comes INTO the ring first and tags Dusty and the ref just allows it! He avalanches both Harris brothers as Dusty hits another Bionic Elbow on Don. Siaki gets into the ring and gets one of his own...knocking him down just long enough to be SQUASHED by a Vader Bomb! The ref calls for the bell at this point. Desire comes into the ring and goes to slap Dusty, but he bends her over....rubs her ass and gives her a few lashings with a leather belt! She runs out of the ring as the heels retreat and Nikita Koloff comes down to ringside! He gets in Rhodes face....and Rhodes just nails him with a Bionic Elbow! Nikita runs out of the ring immediately and walks away. Borash makes the official announcement.

Winners: Vader & Dusty Rhodes via DQ.

My Opinion: Well, it wasn't a wrestling match and they told us it wouldn't be. I've always been a fan of Vader so to see him come into the ring and toss a man as big as Ron Harris over his head made me MARK OUT. Every thing else was pretty bad. I still have zero clue as to what the situation between Rhodes and Nikita is and at this point, I don't care. 1/4*

We go to the back as Goldy is with The Sandman...but he's being all buddy buddy with Simon and Swinger in the back. Sandman calls them his ECW boys. Simon calls him "Hak" as he tries to motivate him. Sandman cuts a really bad promo about next weeks match, completely stumbling over his words. Funny moment as Goldylocks starts screaming off camera while Sandman smashes a beer can over his forehead.

Vince Russo comes to the ring, where there is a banner reading "Welcome Home Jeff" hanging as well as a table set up in the ring. He calls out Jeff Jarrett to come out and sign the contract. Since when do you need a contract to be in S.E.X.? Before Jarrett comes out, a video is shown of Vince Russo's kids. His kids talk about how he's always put wrestling and the wrestling business before his family, going all the way back to '95. The kid wasn't half bad either, even though the crowd was chanting "Boring" loudly. Once the video is over, Russo is IRATE at the fact that Russo's kids were brought into this and he starts cutting a promo on his kids promising domestic violence to his little boys when he comes home, calling them "little shits". He tries to rebuke his son's claims of bad parenting by stating that Vince lets him stay up and watch Stern at night! He lets his son play poker after school! Yeah, dad!

Jeff Jarrett comes to the top of the ramp, wearing a S.E.X. shirt. He tells Vince Russo that S.E.X. is his life and how it isn't his family anymore. Jarrett takes the shirt off and tells everyone that when Russo went to Jarrett's house, he was greeted by a shotgun and Russo went running scared. Jarrett rushes to the ring and starts wailing on Russo until Brian Lawler and David Flair make the save for Russo! Another man comes into the ring...it's Eric Watts! MASTER of the botched dropkick! Watts chokeslams Jarrett through the table in the ring and takes the STICK! He tells Jarrett that he will regret what he did to them as the show goes off of the air.

My Two Cents: Wow, that was a poor segment. No one really believed that Jarrett was with S.E.X. and the crowd just didn't care what Russo's kids had to say. Truth be told, the delivery wasn't bad, it was just material that no one cares about. Brian Lawler came back, just like you knew he would and Eric Watts makes his TNA debut. I hope he's improved his in ring skills...that's all I care about.

Overall: Besides the great Lynn/Juvi match, there really wasn't much to this card. The S.E.X. angle is beyond stale and I just can't wait for it to end. There was no "Interrogation" this week, but I can do without it. Next week's Raven vs. Sandman match could be interesting depending on how the stipulations work. Triple X and Red need to come back from whatever shell they've hiding under and bring better wrestling to the table. Get Lynn/Juvi and forget the rest.

Remember, my WWE No Way Out 2003 Diatribe is out and you should ALL check that out too.

'Til next week,

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, marriage proposals, job offers, money proposals and FREE STUFF~!, send it all to [email protected]

As always, you can find my older material, in the Archives...

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