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From TheSmartMarks.com TV Reports SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (6/19/2003) Segment 1 Last Thursday, the ring caved in following a cool as hell spot. Technically there should have been a double pin there, but what the hell. Taped 6/17/2003 from the SBC Center in San Antonio, Texas (home of the World Champion Spurs!). The rematch in the reinforced ring is TONIGHT! But first! One fall: The Undertaker vs. Nunzio (w/Chuck Palumbo/Johnny Stamboli) I'm assuming this is the blowoff of the month-long feud that's done nothing for the FBI. Nunzio does the Ali Shuffle to start. Taker fakes a punch and Nunzio dives to the floor in fear. Undertaker follows, there's a distraction, and a dropkick by Nunzio for the first contact a full minute in. Chinlock, but Taker backs Nunzio into the ringpost. Both men back in. Chokehold, FBI on the apron, Nunzio is tossed into the FBI, and then Taker choke slams Nunzio over the top rope and onto Palumbo and Stamboli. Nunzio back in. Kick to the midsection, Last Ride (with heavy praying by Nunzio), pinfall at 3:00. 1/2* Jesus Christ, it gets EASIER for Taker. Postmatch, Palumbo and Stamboli take Taker down with an extended beatdown, but here come the returning APA to even the odds. Bradshaw with blonde hair? And what the hell is he doing on SmackDown? Backstage, Zach Gowen runs into Bill DeMott and Spanky. They lead him to Stephanie McMahon's office, but it's No Longer Able Sable in there. Apparently Steph asked to see Zach, and Zach's willing to wait outside, but Sable questions Zach's ability to wait with a "real woman". Yeah... COMMERCIAL BREAK So far we have Undertaker once again surviving 3-vs-1 odds (with less trouble than usual, which is saying something), Bradshaw making an unexplained jump over to SmackDown from Raw, and Zach Gowen, who is never supposed to be in a SmackDown arena after last week, being invited into a SmackDown arena. Are the writers drunk when they write these scripts? They can't remember the very basics in order to have a logical progression of events anymore. Segment 2 Brock Lesnar-Big Show Timeline: Survivor Series (11/17/2002). Paul Heyman turns on Brock Lesnar, allowing The Big Show to win the WWE Title. Chris BeNOIT and The Man Beast Rhyno are in the ring with no explanation, and here comes Stephanie McBitch to explain. She likes competition, and she liked Bad Blood...no wonder that shit stays on the air. One person likes it, and her last name's McMahon. So Vengeance is coming July 27. Tonight, the US Title tournament starts...right now. United States Heavyweight Title Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. The Man Beast Rhyno Reluctant handshake before the bell. Lockup. Into the ropes, clean break. Benoit with an arm wringer. Reversal. Benoit turns into a fireman's carry and locks in an armbar. Into a cover for 2 as Cole vainly tries to claim this is the same US Title that started in the Mid-Atlantic area in 1975. Benoit with a hammerlock. Rhyno reverses and rolls Benoit up for 2. Benoit with an armdrag into an armbar. Rhyno to his feet, and he drives Benoit into the turnbuckle. Benoit with some chops in the corner. Rhyno turns Benoit around and punches away. Corner whip, Rhyno goes for the Gore, but Benoit side steps and Rhyno falls to the floor. COMMERCIAL BREAK A nice slow build to start, and if this keeps up, this could be a better match than anything you saw at Bad Blood last week. I'm expecting the pace to pick up and for there to be one hell of a finish here. Segment 3 We're back as Rhyno takes Benoit down with a double-leg takedown. Half Boston crab. Stomp to the knee. Benoit tries to come back and sends Rhyno head first into the turnbuckle. Irish whip, running back elbow, cover for 2. Rhyno uses a nice counter to send Benoit into the turnbuckle and covers for 2. Clothesline for 2. Short clothesline for 2 as a "Benoit" chant breaks out. Running powerslam for 2. Rhyno with a neck vice to work the surgically-repaired neck and slow the pace down. Rhyno goes for a suplex, but Benoit counters into a small package for 2. Rhyno is playing the heel, as he taunts the crowd before using a snap mare into a reverse chinlock. Into a side headlock. Benoit tries to elbow out of it, but Rhyno hits a shoulderblock. Snap mare into a reverse chinlock. Benoit elbows out, but gets caught coming in with a kick, and again it's a snap mare into a reverse chinlock. If I didn't know better, I'd swear this was going to a time limit draw. Benoit jawbreakers out of it, but again Rhyno quickly stops the comeback. But he telegraphs a backdrop, and Benoit comes back with clotheslines and shoulderblocks. Snap suplex for 2. German suplex is blocked, and Rhyno hits a spinebuster. Slow cover for 2. Benoit ducks a clothesline and takes Rhyno down with a release German suplex. Up to the top...diving headbutt for 2 and 7/8. Rhyno quickly gets a kick to the midsection and a DDT. Both men to their feet, Benoit again avoids a Gore, but Rhyno stops the charge before he gets the corner and levels Benoit for 2. Benoit into the Crippler Crossface out of nowhere, and Rhyno taps at 15:16 to advance to (I presume) the semifinals. *** Long staredown after the match. In the GM's office, Sable wants Gowen to get more comfortable. Zach's fine, but Sable uses her charms and gets Zach to admit he stared at her naked breasts last week. Would you like to feel them this time? Jesus Christ, I'm watching the pool table scene in American Pie! COMMERCIAL BREAK The match was a little bit disappointing, but that's still likely to be your WWE match of the week. Benoit's win came with him having a bit too little offense to be completely believable, but I loved Rhyno's continued attack on Benoit's neck. That's simple psychology that seems lost in today's WWE. As far as the Sable-Gowen thing is going so far, I still don't care that Sable is even in WWE, much less in this type of angle. Segment 4 Ultimo Dragon is coming next week! And how convenient that we go straight to... One fall: Rey Misterio Jr. (WWE Cruiserweight Champion) vs. Nobody Betta Than Kanyon Kanyon on SmackDown! Wow! Obviously non-title, as Kanyon weighs 242 according to Tony Chimmel. Rey with a waistlock early, then takes Kanyon down with a drop toehold and a satellite headscissors. Kanyon charges, Rey pulls the top rope down, but a dive is blocked, and Kanyon drops Rey onto the guardrail. Back in and a quick cover for 2. A series of forearms, and a running backbreaker for 2. Into a reverse chinlock. Rey tries to elbow out, but Kanyon throws him down by the mask. Rey to the apron, and he tries to catapult back in, but Kanyon counters into a Northern Lights suplex for 2. Sweet looking spot! Kanyon wants a superplex, but Rey blocks and takes Kanyon down with a sitdown for 2. Snap mare, slingshot to the apron, dropkick, back in with a moonsault for 2. Counter sequence ends with Kanyon getting a face-first Electric Chair for 2. Both men on the apron, and Rey works into a legdrop to bring Kanyon back into the ring. 619, West Coast Pop, pin at 4:48. Not too bad. *3/4 Brock Lesnar-Big Show timeline: Armageddon (12/15/2002). Brock Lesnar's interference costs Show the title vs. Kurt Angle. COMMERCIAL BREAK A six or seven minute segment, all for a match? Hell yeah. If they did this on Monday night, maybe people would like that show. Now let's see them let Kanyon have a few wins. And an entrance. And somebody in charge behind him. Segment 5 Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin make their way to the ring to new theme music and wearing new singlets. The crowd starts a "You suck" chant without the aid of "Medal". Benjamin says Angle thinks they're going to apologize and beg to be brought back into Team Angle, but leaving Team Angle was the best thing to ever happen to them. Haas says the Team Angle name was holding them back. "What" chants stop Haas in his tracks, but he continues to claim they're the best team in WWE. Kurt wants them next week? Well... cue "Medal", and here comes My Olympic Hero to confront them right now. Huge ovation for Angle once he gets in the ring, which turns into a "USA" chant. Angle's not going to disagree with anything they've said. Maybe it's all true. There are only two words he takes exception to: "Next week". "Next week is for wimps. Next week is for crybabies. Next week is the polite way of saying 'We have no balls'." Kurt Angle doesn't represent next week...he represents "right freaking now". So if one of them wants the match, do something about it "right freaking now". Haas is apparently going to take the challenge, and here comes Brian Hebner to officiate. Charlie Haas (w/Shelton Benjamin) vs. Kurt Angle Angle's first TV match since WrestleMania XIX. Wrestling sequence to start. Nice fireman's carry by Angle, then an armdrag, and an "Angle" chant breaks out. I tried to start that at last year's King of the Ring and almost got beat up by six Hogan fans. Funny how that works. Another beautiful takedown by Angle. Single-leg takedown, but Haas kicks Angle off and takes him down with an armdrag. Wristlock. Reversal, headlock takedown, headscissors by Haas, and Haas into a side headlock. Angle out of it, but taken down with a shoulderblock. Angle with a double-leg takedown, and he slingshots Haas over the top rope. Benjamin yells at Haas. Haas in quickly, and there's a slap to the face. Uh oh! Angle with some punches, and there goes that little wrestling match we were getting. High cross body for 2. Irish whip, backdrop. Haas with a kick, and he tosses Angle outside, and that enables Benjamin to work over Angle and send him into the ringsteps. Hebner turns around, and he apparently heard the shot into the steps, as he tosses Benjamin out of the ringside area. Haas rolls Angle back in. COMMERCIAL BREAK What is up with the long matches tonight? And no, I'm not complaining, as there has been some damn fine wrestling in this one already, and we're only about half over with it. Segment 6 We're back as Haas starts kicking away at the left arm, which was injured when Benjamin sent Angle into the steps. Shoulderblock by Haas to stop Angle's mini-comeback. Into an armbar, then turned into a hammerlock, and he bridges to put more pressure on it. Angle elbows out of it and takes Haas down with a monkey flip. Russian legsweep. Both men to their feet, and Angle punches away. Flying forearm. Clothesline. Corner whip, Haas get an elbow coming in, but Angle catches Haas with a belly-to-belly suplex and covers for 2. Release German, down go the straps, and he wants the Angle Slam, but Haas avoids it and gets a release German of his own. Down go HIS straps, and he tries an Angle Slam, but Angle counters with an armbar. Ankle lock is countered, but Angle hits the Angle Slam for the pin in 12:04. Good little matchup, and I stand corrected, as this was the WWE Match of the Week in my opinion. ***1/2 Benjamin returns to the ring and attacks Angle's neck. Haas with an inverted atomic drop, followed by Benjamin's superkick, and they put Angle in a double ankle lock. Here comes King Brock I to make the save, and the former Team Angle leaves without further incident. COMMERCIAL BREAK Another terrific match, with more simple psychology, as Angle injured his arm early and Haas continued to focus on it. The only glaring problem with this in my eyes: Angle probably shouldn't have been able to hit the Angle Slam without favoring his arm more. Still, a great wrestling match, which is always a nice change of pace from the usual WWE program. Segment 7 Brock Lesnar-Big Show timeline: SmackDown (10/31/2002). Show manhandles Brock and choke slams him through a table. We're at the SBC Center in San Antonio, Texas. Backstage, Sable kisses Zach Gowen, then throws him onto the table. And then the little cock tease stops just before they get going and says he's not a real man. And how convenient that Mr. McAsshole would pick that precise moment to come in. He leaves, and Vince and Sable celebrate...and hug. Sable reminded me waaaaaaaay too much of an former interest of mine in that segment. One fall: Billy Gunn (w/Torrie Wilson) vs. Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) Noble and Nidia imitate Gunn and Torrie before the match (and I almost called Torrie "Sable" out of habit). Wrestling sequence to start, which is ignored by the crowd so they can chant for Torrie. Out to the floor, Gunn with a punch, back into the ring, and Noble dropkicks Gunn in the knee as the crowd chants for puppies. Um, guys, there's a match going on. Noble focuses his attack on Gunn's leg. Gunn with some legdrops out of it, but Noble with an innovative kneebreaker variation and a cover for 2. Indian deathlock for 2. Chop by Noble as he maintains the hold, but Gunn punches his way out of the hold. Tilt-a-whirl by Gunn, who is already ignoring the knee. Press slam, but that time the knee means something, and Noble gets a roll up for 2. Gunn sets up the Fameasser, Nidia grabs a leg, and Torrie spears her to once again take the focus away from the match. Gunn to the floor to break it up, but he avoids a plancha from Noble. Back into the ring, Noble avoids one Fameasser, but not the next one, and Gunn gets the pin at 4:12. Not bad really, but I don't think the crowd even realized the match was over. * Still to come, that WWE Title rematch! COMMERCIAL BREAK Can somebody explain to me what the point of any of this was? Vince never ever ever has to worry about Zach Gowen ever again...so he sets up his humuliation? Why? What did this accomplish? That Vince McMahon is an evil SOB? We already knew that because that's been his character for six years (give or take his brief face runs). Why bother? As for the match, it was OK, but the crowd hurt it. I get so tired of fans wanting to see naked breasts over wrestling matches...rent a porno if you need nudity that badly! Segment 8 Brock Lesnar-Big Show Timeline: Judgment Day (5/18/2003). Brock uses a forklift as a makeshift stretcher to retain the title. One fall: Eddy Guerrero (WWE Tag Team Champion w/Tajiri) vs. Sean O'Haire (w/Hot Rod) Low rider of choice: A Mitsubishi SUV thing. This was set up from last week's Piper's Pit. Piper swigs tequila while laying on the hood of the car. O'Haire attacks before the bell and tosses Eddy straight into the air. Series of forearms smashes and kicks. Beell out of the corner. Chokehold. Boot choke. Eddy fights back, but gets leveled with some forearms. Roundhouse kick by O'Haire for 2. Waistlock (or a reverse bearhug if you prefer). Eddy tries to elbow out but can't. Eddy punches out of it but is met with some elbows. Eddy counters a spinning leg lariat with a dropkick to the knee. Nice! Nice dropkick. Eddy off the top rope with a dropkick to the knee. Up top again, but Piper grabs the ankle, giving O'Haire just enough time to avoid a Frog Splash. Piper sprays tequila in the eyes as O'Haire hits the Prophecy for the pin at 3:22. 1/2* Up next: the main event! COMMERCIAL BREAK Well, we've had two really good matches tonight, and you can't keep that kind of streak going forever, but I fail to see why we're throwing Piper into the tag team division. Maybe if they brought someone like Mark Jindrak in as O'Haire's partner and had Piper as their mouthpiece, then it could work, but I have no interest in seeing these four guys in a tag team match anytime soon...but rumor has it we're getting it at Madison Square Garden next week. Hoo boy. Segment 9 Vince is once again congratulating Sable on humuliating Zach Gowen, and he needs to find some way to thank her...and he'll start with a kiss. Ladies, raise your hands if you'd sleep with Vince McMahon over Zach Gowen. Wow, that many of you? It must be the money. Then Vince mocks Gowen. "I've got wood. Oh wait, it's just my leg." Oh, funny! And how convenient that Stephanie would walk in just as Sable is removing her top. So in comes Steph, who more or less admits that she was a slut in order to get please Vince's associates and thus get into Vince's good graces, and she'll take being fired rather than seeing Zach Gowen go through what she went through. When did Zach Gowen perform favors for Vince McMahon? Next week, the APA and The Undertaker vs. the FBI. Because the FBI never had a shot when it was 3-on-1, so 3-on-3 will make it different. Oh, and don't forget Ultimo Dragon debuts too! Brock Lesnar-Big Show timeline: SmackDown (6/12/2003). The ring implodes after a superplex. One fall for the WWE Championship: The Too Damn Big Show vs. ... COMMERCIAL BREAK I suppose if I cared about the Vince McMahon-Sable saga, I'd call that a good segment, but the bottom line is that this doesn't affect the in-ring product, so it has no point. Four or five segments just to have Stephanie McMahon crying? To lead to McMahon Family Feud part 2,345? I'll pass, thank you very much. Next week, Linda McMahon reveals her affair with Mr. America! I hope I didn't just give them an idea... Segment 10 One fall for the WWE Championship: The Too Damn Big Show vs. King Brock I (champion) Brock taps the top turnbuckle with a smile as he enters the ring. Up top he goes, he leapfrogs over Show and shoulderblocks him into the corner, and we are underway. Quickly to the outside, and Brock avoids a shot into the ringpost by sending Show into the ringpost. Show gains an advantage and takes it back into the ring, but Brock knocks Show off the apron. Show pulls Brock out of the ring and swings him into the guardrail a la Rey Misterio Jr. at Backlash. Back in the ring, and Show with slaps to the chest that send Brock to the floor. Brock drapes Show's throat over the top rope and reenters the ring, but he gets taken down with a side slam for 2. Headbutt by Show. Roundhouse right. Boot choke. Headbutt. Boot choke. See a pattern forming here? Bodyslam. Stomps. Brock avoids a slap to the chest and hits Show with a series of shoulderblocks, but he gets taken down with a hard clothesline for 2. Show into an abdominal stretch! And Show gets a few shots into Brock's previously injured ribs for more pain. Brock powers out of it into an armbar, then kicks away at Show, but he gets taken down with a big boot. Legdrop for 2. Show places Brock into the top turnbuckle, and apparently we're going to get a superplex. The crowd stands in unison. Brock with a low blow to knock Show to the mat. Show back to his feet, and Brock takes him down with a flying clothesline. Release German suplex. Brock wants the F5, but Show grabs the top rope...and in come Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas to give Brock the DQ win in 7:25. * Show choke slams Lesnar, and out comes Kurt Angle, who Angle Slams the Big Show! WOW! Angle takes Haas and Benjamin down, but Show catches him with Choke Slam...and here comes Mr. America. Series of punches to the Show, big boot, and he calls for the bodyslam. But before he can try it, Haas and Benjamin attack from behind. Hogan stops them, but turns into Big Show's Choke Slam. END OF SHOW Show and Brock have had better matches, that's for sure. The point of this one was to set up the rumored six man tag team main event for next week, and I got an old school Memphis feel out of it because of it. You can make up your own mind whether that was a good thing or not. Overall, there was plenty of good with this show. Two very good matches (which are apparently better than Raw PPV quality) with an OK card scattered throughout the rest of the show, and only one segment that didn't have at least part of a match in it. Plus things moved along logically for the most part, and you're gonna have to really nitpick to even bitch about how Angle was used tonight (although I'm sure some of you have already done it). I still don't get the point of the Sable-Gowen stuff, and somebody needs to explain exactly how the hell Bradshaw made the jump to SmackDown from Raw, but outside of those two little quibbles, I honestly cannot complain about this show. But I'm sure some of you can complain about the show, so feel free to drop me a line and say whether you agree or not. Oh yeah, and check out my archives too. © Copyright 2002-2005 by TheSmartMarks.com |