by Matt Ditaliano

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BWAHAHAHA!

Sorry, I just had to get that out of the way before we began.

Hey guys, I was finally able to see those two matches from bad Blood that I promised you I’d see. Both are much better than I’ve heard

Christian vs. Booker: WAY too many people are shitting all over this match. For a ten-minute affair that was booked about Christian being incapable of doing anything and Booker being made to look like a guy who can’t beat the incompetent, it was fun. The match itself was very solid, and the Summerslam rematch can only be better.

Shawn vs. Ric : THIS was a fun match, and it was DAMN good up until that table spot. But I don’t think it suddenly hit the shitter after that spot as many people are claiming. It was a great beginning, that degenerated into and above average match. Such a shame. The true crime was the total lack of time.

By the way, I’m still not buying the DVD

Well, we certainly had an interesting week of WWF television, didn't we? And by "interesting" I do mean "shit-tastic." I think it's an absolute disgrace that Vince McMahon can come here, which has been called "The WWF's home" on several occasions, and put on such terrible, embarrassing TV shows. It truly makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Whether it's the Kane unmasking on Raw or the Kiss My Ass Club on Smackdown, there was sure to be a moment that absolutely embarrassed you. That Vince, what a businessman.

Speaking of business man Vince, he just fired Roddy Piper. Well, not fired, but close enough. From the official website...


Statement regarding Roddy Piper

Since March 31, 2003, World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. (“WWE”) and Roderick Toombs, p/k/a “Roddy Piper”, have attempted to negotiate the terms of an arrangement for Roddy to appear on WWE programming through August of this year. The parties have been unable to reach a mutually acceptable agreement.On Tuesday, June 24, Piper appeared on an HBO program and revealed disturbing facts about his own personal drug use. Piper stated that he used drugs for many years while working in professional wrestling and that he does not like the person that he becomes when he actively performs as a professional wrestler.

In view of WWE’s inability to reach agreement on a contract and to assist Piper from engaging in any self destructive behavior, the WWE is ending any further discussion with Piper regarding a contract.

The WWE sincerely hopes for Piper and his family that Roddy can find happiness.

Well, there you go. There's really no need for me to go into why I think he was fired, because I didn't see that HBO special. And hearsay is heresy, says I. The Rantster offers up his opinions here, if you desperately need someone to rant on it.

This brings up the obvious question, "What will they do with Suck...Er, Sean O'Haire?" Well, my cries of "Ask Piper if he'll take O'Haire with him!" seem to be ignored in favor of the more popular "Great, he gets to do that awesome character again!" Now, I admit, the character is kind of cool. BUT SEAN O'HAIRE SUCKS AT IT.

Now, to be fair, Sean isn't the only one who is saddled with a gimmick that they just can't pull off. There are plenty of people on WWF TV today who look like total imbecilles trying to play characters that, for whatever reason, they aren't good at. But for some reason, Vince insists on giving his wrestlers these complex (or in some cases, not so complex) acting roles.

And that is one of the biggest problems in the WWF today.

Take tonight for example. Billy Kidman was in the crowd, sporting a new haircut that makes him look eerily like Rey Romano. Now, Everybody Loves William was called on to cut some kind of promo where he was supposed display some kind of emotion. I think he was trying to be angry and bitter. But anyway, he kind of slipped up his words a little and his delivery just plain sucked.

Now come on, what the fuck was that going to accomplish? The man’s been in the company for two years and has cut a couple of promos. The creative team has got to know he is awful. So why in the name fuck would you give him lines that you know he can’t pull off? He’s bombed some fairly simple stuff in the past, so you know he can’t act his way out of a wet paper bag, so why embarrass him like that? It helps nothing.

I know Vince and Stephanie want to make wrestling a “real” show. We have season premieres and 200th episode extravaganzas and other such nonsense. But they have to realize one important difference between them and real shows: most real shows, sitcoms or dramas or what have you, all have good actors. The WWF has guys like Test.

Pushing a Wrestler 101 is basically “accentuate the strengths, minimize the weaknesses.” When you have guys with zero acting ability (And truth be told, very little else going for them) like Sean O’Haire and Test, you simply do not give them roles where they have to flex their acting muscle. That is just fucking detrimental to what you are doing or trying to do or shoving down the fans throats, whatever it may be.

The most offensive case of this in recent memory, was, surprise surprise, Test. Let’s take the way-back machine all the way to January. The match is Test vs. Chris Jericho, which is occurring because Test took Chris out of the Rumble in a move that annoyed me in more ways than I have time to count. Anyway, Jericho, of course, nails Stacy with a chair, leaving her dead or something. So, how does ol’Andrew react? Well, if you said “Comedy style over acting that is closer to a cowboy lamenting the death of his horse in a mock western than a man expressing worry and sorrow for his girlfriend,” well, DING DING DING DING DING! To paraphrase Nik Johnson, there is no reason to put even a shithead like Test in a position where he has to do that. If Test can’t act, THEN DON’T GIVE HIM AN ACTING ROLE!

If you absolutely feel the need to give a shitty actor some kind of complex character that you want to get over, for the love of God, give him a manager. That’s what they’re there for. They are these handy convenient type that can cut a promo and get a situation over the way it was meant to be seen, and shock of all shocks, THAT’S THEIR JOB! Not only that, but they are already in the company, just begging to get a piece of shit over. Have said shit meet said manager, and that’s the end of that! It’s like magic! Just, you know, not!

The sooner that Vince and Steph learn that their talent has been hired to wrestle, not act, the sooner the WWF can get back on the right track. I mean it. If they can focus on wrestling while only allowing good actors to, you know, act, the TV shows may become watchable again. Of course, more work obviously has to be done. We could have the best actors on earth doing the Kiss My Ass club, and nothing would get better. The creative team has to be replaced with people who can write for any of this to actually work. Hey, I have a tentative topic for next week!

A writer’s job is never done.

::sigh::

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And read these too.

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