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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (12/4/2003)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Dec 4, 2003, 21:42
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (12/4/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
The sport we love continues to lose more of its own, following the passing of both Moondog Spot and Joey Rossi this week. Honestly, I have never heard of Rossi, but the fine people over at [email protected] have been remembering him fondly all week. I do remember Moondog Spot, as he competed on the first live show I ever attended way back in 1986 (I think it was my first live match, actually). Please join us in a ten bell salute for these fallen ring warriors.
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
DING!
Thank you.
E-Mail of the Week: The popular segment returns with these comments from Brad R:
I enjoyed SmackDown this week as much as you, and was surprised (and happy) there was no McMahons. Heck, there was no Undertaker either, the show has a sort of young feel to it, take away Ernest Miller and it was great. Anyway, although I loved the show, you know what Vince will do. Sure, it is Thanksgiving so we all know that the ratings will be down. How much, though, do you want to bet that Vince is going to blame it on him not being on the show? I seriously hope people read the spoilers and saw that no McMahons were going to be on the show, so they tuned in, and caused a huge ratings spike. That would be great, maybe more ratings would get WWE to realize they need Vince and Stephanie (and Linda and Shane for that matter) of the screen, but I just have a feeling that next week we are going to see about 8-times as much Vince and maybe Stephanie next week.
Wow! Somebody's found out Vince McMahon's secret formula for "success"! That very thought had crossed my mind, but I had hoped that if it didn't get mentioned, maybe WWE would forget it. We'll find out tonight, I guess.
Forums Quote of the Week: KILL HIM!!
Well, at least he isn't dressed like Yuna. Yet.
If so, THEN kill him. -AndrewTS, referring to Dames' comment in his Raw Diatribe that his brother was dancing to the Final Fantasy X-2 commercial
Tonight: Last week, John Cena and Chris Benoit tumbled over the top rope simulataneous to finish the top contenders battle royal, so tonight they meet one-on-one. The winner will get their shot at Brock Lesnar's WWE Title later tonight. Can one of these two men win two matches in one night and realize their dream of being the WWE Champion? Only one way to find out.
Segment 1
The opening video highlights last week's battle royal.
Taped 12/2/2003 from the HP Pavilion in San Jose, California! Michael Coleslaw and Tazz will call the action from ringside, but they don't even get to say "Hi there" before King Brock I makes his way to ringside. That title match is guaranteed. We mean it this week! Really! Don't you trust us? Brock leads his own "You tapped out" chant. Is he that desperate for heel heat? Brock asks the crowd to look at the person sitting next to them, because they have a lot in common: Brock can beat the hell out of all of them. He guarantees he'll never tap out again (which worked so well the first time), he's the greatest, blah blah blah. Last week, he put the title on the line to prove his greatness, but he had no opponent because they went over the top at the same time. Brock claims they planned it so they didn't have to face him. Because they're scared and stuff because he beats people up. Ask Kurt Angle and Hardcore Holly. Tonight, Cena and Benoit one-on-one with a title shot going to the winner, and Brock will prove he's the greatest champion ever, by God. And Brock guarantees he'll make someone tap out.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, it was short and mostly to the point, but all we really did was explain why we have the double main event tonight. A good idea since a lot of people missed the show due to the holiday (at least in the States), but total filler for those of us who saw the show.
Segment 2
Smack Your TV commercial with Rey Misterio Jr.
Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi vs. The Basham Brothers (WWE Tag Team Champions--w/Shaniqua)
Non-title, for the record. Both Bashams have S & M masks on, thus making it impossible to tell them apart (and it wasn't easy to begin with). They take them off before the bell though. Rikishi and Danny start, and Danny attacks from behind. Series of punches, but Rikishi punches back. Danny with a headbutt, but a couple of counters lead to Rikishi sitting on Danny's face. Tag to Doug, who punches away at Rikishi. Clothesline by Rikishi. Tag to Scotty, and they double team Doug. Rikishi's legdrop gives Scotty a near fall. Flying forearm to illegal man Danny. Scotty and Doug battle, and when Doug distracts Brian Hebner, Shaniqua attacks. Hebner apparently sees it through the glare of Doug's head and sends Shaniqua to the back. No matter. Elbow by Doug for 2. Tag to Danny. Abdominal stretch. Scotty hiptosses out of it. Scotty kicks Danny off and makes the hot tag to Rikishi. DDT to Doug. Superkick to Danny. Running ass splash to Doug. Shaniqua's back, the Bashams switch, and Danny gets the low blow. Scotty bulldogs Danny and does the Worm. Doug in from behind, but Rikishi backdrops him over the top rope. A Samoan drop for Danny gets the pin at 5:32, and we have new de facto top contenders. * Shaniqua is PISSED, and she yells at the Bashams. "You're the Tag Team Champions, and you lose to Scotty 2 Hotty? You don't deserve to have Shaniqua as your damn manager!" They lost to Rikishi, actually, which is probably worse.
An update on Hardcore Holly's suspension leads to Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman worrying about it and yelling at Dawn Marie, who is apparently Heyman's new secretary. She writes a memo. Heyman wants to let Hardcore know that his suspension is still in effect. He then asks Dawn to send Shannon Moore to the ring.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Not a good match by any stretch of the imagination, and I can think of some teams on Velocity who are more worthy of the position, but it's simple storytelling: if a team wins a non-title match against the champions, they are generally awarded a title shot within 30 days. We're bound to get at least one more match between these four men. It popped the crowd, so it was effective in that regard, and it was decent when Scotty was in there, but I continue to fail to see what the appeal with Rikishi is.
Segment 3
Heyman, Nathan Jones, and Matt Morgan are all in the ring. Contrary to popular belief, Heyman doesn't speak just because he likes the sound of his voice (unlike the owner of the company), but because he has something to say. Watch the Ovaltron. Look at how dominant these two guys are. And they're property of SmackDown! And the common denominator in that footage: Shannon Moore. He takes a beating and comes back for more. And he asks Shannon Moore v.0.75 to the ring. Heyman's pissed because Moore is actually selling his injuries and thus is having a hard time reaching the ring. Heyman doesn't want Matt Hardy's name to ever be mentioned on SmackDown again. His staff keeps telling him that Moore keeps coming back for more. Heyman likes that, so he has to wrestle a handicap match and calls out The Too Damn Big Show. Because Show's the size of three Shannon Moores. Moore wastes no time with a baseball slide, but Show launches Moore into the ringpost and knocks him to the floor.
Shannon Moore v.0.75 vs. The Too Damn Big Show (US Champion)
If you've been watching the last two weeks, you're seeing basically a carbon copy of Moore's last two matches. Top-rope throat Beell. Mouth gouge. Reverse Rocker dropper. Choke slam, pin at 1:39. *sigh* DUD
Here's the Tale of the Tape for the top contenders match.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
For the love of God, please let this end in a solid push for Shannon Moore. I mean, he has to go out there and bump like hell for all these big guys who really aren't all that good, and I fail to see exactly how this is helping Moore, who is really doing all the work. The story is solid (Moore is still being punished for Matt Hardy signing with Raw), but let Moore do something that actually helps his career already.
Segment 4
Jamie By God Noble has to tell Nidia yet again not to go out to the ring. Noble understands Nidia's point of view, but if he loses to Sakoda tonight, that's strike three, and bye-bye Cruiserweight Title matches. It's not just about the belt, but about Nidia's safety. Nidia reluctantly agrees, but Noble apparently changes his mind.
One fall: Sakoda (w/Tajiri) vs. Jamie By God Noble (w/Nidia)
Sign in the crowd: "Nidia can't see me". That's COLD, man! Noble gains the early advantage and gets a double leg cradle for 2. Backslide for 2. Drop toehold into the buckle. Noble works the shoulder, but a clothesline from Sakoda (with a legsweep for good measure) turns the tide. Sakoda rams Noble into the corner in front of Nidia. Backbreaker submission and a cover for 2. Noble comes back with a modified facebuster. Sakoda counters the tiger driver but is sent to the floor. Pescadoe by Noble. Tajiri sneaks over, and Noble rolls Nidia into the ring, shoves her into Sakoda, and rolls Sakoda up for the pin at 3:06. *1/4 Nidia's in shock, but Noble claims one of Tajiri's boys had sent her to the ring. So Noble's turning heel now? What the hell's going on?
Cole and Tazz question Noble's actions (with Cole agreeing with my "what the hell's going on" comment), then show us the ending of last week's battle royal about 654 times.
Josh Mathews interviews John Cena. "Those are strong words coming from Macauley Culkin's little brother." Cena says he'll beat Benoit if he has to, but Chris BenOIT reminds him the Crippler Crossface can come from anywhere.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
You know what would have been an easier explanation and possibly prevented another Nidia-Noble feud at the same time? Noble telling Nidia, "You helped me win, baby". Easy, effective, and you have two ways to go with it. You could have Nidia be thankful that Noble allowed her to help out, or you could still build tension between them if you wanted to have Nidia question how necessary the whole situation was. Hell, she can still hear, so it's not like someone can't just play the commentary and tell her what really happened!
Segment 5
SmackDown superstars will be delivering USO care packages to American troops in the Middle East.
Top Contenders Match: John Cena vs. Chris BenOIT
Cena's freestyle claims Heyman's simply protecting Brock and that no matter who wins, Brock's in trouble, but this match "is like a third grade dance at the Neverland Ranch". The crowd gets to say "shit" to finish it off. Benoit with knees and forearms early. Elbowsmash. Snap suplex for 2. Chops as the crowd chants "Let's go Cena". Cena comes back with forearms to the back. Clothesline for 2. Bodyslam. Fistdrop for 2. Series of punches. Benoit comes back with chops. Cena with a vertical suplex for 2. Double armbar as Cole mentions the early covers are done to get a quick win and conserve energy for Brock later on. Cena with a spinebuster for 2. Benoit counters a suplex with a small package for 2. A quick near fall for Cena, and there's the corner whip. Stomps by Cena. Delayed vertical suplex for 2. Roundhouse right. And another. Benoit ducks a third and goes into the rolling German suplexes. "You can't see me", throat slash gesture (15 yards in the NFL), but Cena avoids the Swan Dive Headbutt. Both men to their feet, and Benoit chopping away. F-U by Cena, and there's the pin at 5:33, but Benoit's foot is on the bottom rope. Nick Patrick has just now caught it, but he didn't see it live, so Brian Hebner comes out to confirm. Hell, Benoit's feet landed in the ropes, how did Patrick not at least look up during the count? Patrick sees the replay when it airs on the Ovaltron, so he orders the match to continue.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Bah, I hate that! I mean, I like the fact they're shooting for a clear winner, but this isn't the NFL. There isn't supposed to be instant replay. If this was a legit athletic competition and I was Cena, I'd be PISSED! I'm all for this match getting more time, but the last thing we need is more controversy unless we're getting that triple threat match.
Segment 6
Cena reverses a whip and elbows Benoit. Benoit immediately gets the low dropkick to the shoulder and begins to soften it up for the Crippler Crossface. Hammerlock Northern Lights suplex. Another one! Cole says the arm being injured could also take the F-U out of the picture. Forearms and chops as Cole agrees with me yet again. That's twice tonight. Short clothesline for 2. Cena with a forearm, but he used the good arm and sold it anyway. Bodyslams by Benoit. Elbowdrop to the shoulder for 2. Whip, reversal, clothesline by Cena. Benoit dumps Cena to the floor. Back into the ring, and a cover for 2. Standing armbar. Cena breaks with knees to the midsection. Throwback for 2. Benoit counters a slam into the sharpshooter, and Cena crawls to the ropes for the break. Knees to the midsection, but Cena counters with a weak F-U out of desperation. Out comes The Big Show, and Cena knocks him off the apron...but walks into the Crossface and taps out at 11:37 aired (give or take commercial time). ***
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Bah! I love Benoit, and I loved the match, don't get me wrong. And while I don't like the restart, I do like the "we need a clear winner" aspect of it. But why did we have to have The Big Show interfere? OK, it's probably due to Cena eliminating Show at Survivor Series. But if Show's on Brock's side, why wouldn't Show simply stay out of the way and let them beat the hell out of other to help Brock have an easier time tonight? Or did we just forget about Team Lesnar all of a sudden? Great match, but the booking's really iffy.
Segment 7
Here are some replays of what just happened. So our main event is Benoit vs. Brock for the gold.
Chavito Guerrero is working out in the back, and Eddy Guerrero is ready to go to ringside, but Chavo's still pissed about having his crutch yanked out from under him last week. Eddy says Chavo's not himself, but Chavo says it's not about Eddy. Tonight, it's about Chavo getting revenge against Shelton Benjamin by himself.
One fall: Shelton Benjamin (w/Charlie Haas) vs. Chavito Guerrero
Both of these men injured each other's knees in the latest chapter of this long-running feud. Eddy comes out on a low rider despite Chavo's objections. The distraction allows Benjamin to attack from behind and jump start the match. Chavo battles back and takes Benjamin down with a satellite headscissors...then turns to bitch at Eddy. Corner whip. Eddy sits in a lawn chair reading SmackDown Magazine (and wearing a beer helmet filled with YJ Stinger) as Shelton begins to focus on Chavo's injured knee. Kneedrop to the injured knee. Leg hammerlock. Kneeslam (sorta). Corner whip, but Chavo comes back with a series of clothesline. Inverted atomic drop. Standing dropkick (stupid move) and a cover for 2. Swinging DDT. Haas on the apron, and Eddy nails Benjamin with a Frog Splash, enabling Chavo to get the pin at 3:36. *1/2 Chavo celebrates in the ring as Eddy celebrates on the floor. Eddy leads a "Chavo" chant, but Chavo yells at Eddy, saying "You HAD to a prima donna, didn't you?" Eddy wants Chavo to get in the low rider, but Chavo complains about never getting to drive it.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Pretty much on par with the last two matches between some combination of these four: Very entertaining, but way too short. The point, once again, is to build the tension between Eddy and Chavo for their increasing inevitable feud, and luckily it seems the possibility of Chavo becoming addicted to pain killers is being pushed into the background (at least temporarily).
Segment 8
Next week, a musical performance with The Cat and Sable. Did they not realize how boring the Torrie Wilson segment was last week?
Tazz plays Final Fantasy X-2 while Cole wonders what the hell's going on.
Let's take a video look at Brock Lesnar's WWE career.
Josh Mathews is with Chris Benoit, who acknowledges how much Lesnar has done in his career. But the video didn't show the tapout, so let's show it here. "A picture paints a thousand words, and you are looking at the next WWE Champion."
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Very simple buildup here. Benoit got the submission, therefore he has a chance to win the title, therefore you want to watch the match. Join me, won't you?
Segment 9
The FBI have posted 3-2 odds in Brock Lesnar's favor since Brock is fresh. SmackDown's NUMBAH ONE Announcah puts $500 on Brock, while Ape Train puts $10,000 on...Benoit? Interesting...
One fall for the WWE Championship: King Brock I (WWE Champion) vs. Chris BenOIT
I have no doubt that Lesnar somehow walks out of here with the title. My only question: Will Benoit be announced as the champion before they find a way to fuck him out of it like he has been twice before? Three if you count Souled Out 2000. Lesnar attacks before the bell, continuing tonight's running theme. Stomps and a boot choke as the "You tapped out" chant begins. Kicks to the midsection. Benoit fights back. Elbow. Armdrags. A clothesline sends Brock to the floor, and Benoit follows him outside. Brock comes back with a knee to the midsection, then rolls in and out to break the count. Benoit reverses a whip into the post, then quickly heads into the ring and goes for the Crossface. Brock gets to the ropes, then drops Benoit into the top rope with a Hotshot. Series of stomps. Delayed cradle suplex for 2. An "asshole" chant breaks out as Brock slows the pace down. Out to the floor they go, and Brock gorilla presses Benoit into the broadcast table. Back in the ring, and Brock covers for 2. Snap suplex. Bodyscissors with a reverse chinlock, sapping the breath from Benoit. Benoit battles out with elbows but runs into a powerslam for 2. Brock's bleeding from an apparently broken nose.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It's been quite good so far, actually, but I can't help but wonder what role A-Train is going to wind up playing in the outcome of this match. That's a lot of money to bet on anything unless you've got some inside information.
Segment 10
Lesnar has the bodyscissors/rear naked choke combo on again as the crowd gets behind Benoit. Benoit out of it with elbows and chops, but a blind charge ends with Brock sending Benoit out to the floor. Benoit follows after Brian Hebner's already reached a five count. Irish whip into the steps. Now Brock's ready for the countout. Benoit rolls in just enough at 6, then pulls Brock to the floor and starts punching away at him. Into the steps goes Brock's shoulder. Back in they go at 8, and Brock is to the floor for a Tastykake break. Benoit catches up to him in the ring and stomps away. Corner whip, but Brock with an elbow and a release German. Both men struggle to their feet, and Benoit gets the better of a slugfest. Corner whip by Brock, but he misses the charge and hits the corner shoulder first. Rolling Germans by Benoit. Flying tackle. Throat slash gesture, Swan Dive Headbutt, slow cover for 2. Benoit goes for the Crossface, but Brock is blocking it. Brock finally breaks with a roll up, but Benoit goes for it again. Brock counters and swings Benoit into Hebner, and this time he locks it in. Brock taps out, but the ref is down and hasn't seen it. Fuck. Where's Nick Patrick when you need him? Tazz accuses Brock of swinging Benoit into Hebner intentionally. F5 by Brock, and he drags Hebner into position. Cover for...2. Come on, Benoit, come on... Brock rolling to the floor as the "You tapped out" chants restart, and Brock has a chair. He nails Benoit in the knee with it, and Benoit is SCREAMING in agony. Standing kneelock of some sort (the name escapes me) by the champion, and he sits down on it. This looks painful as hell. Benoit passes out, and Brock retains at 18:39. But he fails on his guarantee to make Benoit tap out. **** Brock adds insult to injury by locking in a Crippler Crossface on Benoit.
END OF SHOW
Aside from the fact that is probably going to take Benoit out of the title hunt to yet another nothing feud with A-Train, I have to admit I liked the finish. Benoit looks strong as hell, as he wrestles over half an hour before passing out and NOT submitting in his second match of the evening. That is how you keep somebody strong while allowing the champion to retain his title. I can't wait for the rematch of this one. This is what the Brock-Angle series should have been like.
Overall, I have questions with some of the booking (as I always do), particularly the decisions on who to push for the titles, especially the Tag Team Titles. And there are a few storylines that I wish they'd just pull the trigger on one way or the other. But let's be completely honest about one thing here. There was some solid action throughout this show. Any show that features two Chris Benoit matches over four segments is an easy thumbs up for me and anybody else who likes their wrestling for the in-ring action. Unless it's a back-to-back doubleheader with Nathan Jones and Mark Henry or something.
Send feedback and read the archives already.
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