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WWE Confidential recap (1.03.04)
Posted by Peter Kostka on Jan 4, 2004, 01:02
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Welcome to the first Confidential recap of 2004. I would make some resolutions here, but everyone knows that you always end up forgetting about them by April.
This week: SD! In Baghdad, Stacy Kiebler goes Outside the Ropes, and more.
Mean WHOO Gene welcomes us to the first Confidential of 2004. Happy New Year to you too, Gene.
Christmas in Baghdad
Truthfully, about 95% of this segment you already saw if you watched the Christmas Smackdown, so the gist of it is that soldiers were excited, the superstars were excited, it took a lot of work and security to get everyone to Baghdad. Austin rambles on about the soldiers and the fact that he�s in good hands while sitting behind the pilots in the transport plane as Chris Benoit just sits there. They arrive at Baghdad International Airport and are helicoptered out to the troops. Hands are shaken, and one woman requested she re-enlists in the presence of Stone Cold. The visit made the soldiers very happy, raising morale. Cena: �If this makes their day a little easier, then it was all worth it.� More Superstars offer their appreciation to the soldiers. They slept in one of Saddam�s favorite palaces, one he met many of his mistresses in and didn�t even let his sons into without permission. More thank you�s to the troops wrap up the segment.
It was good of WWE to do this and all, but this kind of smacked of �pat on the back�-itis. 0/1
- Commercials �
WWE Rewind: Flair and Batista win the tag titles at Armageddon.
EVOLUTION DRIVES SOME CLASS MACHINES~!
For a RAW cover shoot, Evolution visited a Ferrari ownership. Flair thinks they were chosen because �We are the hottest, sleekest product in the industry today.� While Batista watches, Orton admires his reflection in a windshield. They posed around a red Ferrari Enzo, the same type of car HHH bought for $650K. Apparently you must get accepted by the dealership before you can buy one of their cars (elitist much?) Most of the segment involves Evolution talking about how great they are (Orton is especially annoying). Orton knows the pictures will turn out good since �there are four beautiful guys here.�
Ugh, Orton is trying to be Mini-Ric, and it isn�t working. And HHH just seemed to be absolutely bored during the whole thing. 0/2
- Commercials �
Outside the Ropes: Stacy Kiebler
Since we�re dealing with a RAW Diva, Coach takes time out of his busy schedule to play quizmaster (exclaiming �Finally, someone that may be better looking than even me!!)
1) What had more viewers: Trista and Ryan�s wedding, or Paris Hilton�s sex tape?
Trista and Ryan, since I am sick of seeing them. A lot of guys probably watched the sex tape.
2) Even though you don�t see him much, everyone still seems to know Ed McMahon. Is he eternal?
He�s like that guy�.what�s his name�.Dick Clark!
3) Was Santa good to you and was it because you were naughty or nice?
Santa was VERY good to me because I was both naughty AND nice.
4) Here�s a burning question: Have you ever considered implants?
I�ve thought about it, but never really considered it. It would make it easier to go bra shopping (Please, tell us more about that). If I did, it would change me, and I like me the way I am right now. Maybe after wrestling.
5) How long does it take you to shave your legs?
I have to plan extra minutes when I get ready. I guess it takes about 10 minutes to shave everything, top to bottom. We should see that on the Stacy Kiebler DVD. Maybe they could time me doing it. Believe me, I�ll hold the stopwatch.
6) How much do you spend on lingerie?
Well, I went on a shopping spree once with a contest winner and grabbed about $1000-$1500 worth, thanks Vince! With my own money? I usually buy for the occasion. Probably a couple hundred.
7) Who would you rather be stranded on an island with: Colin Farrell, Ashton Kutcher, George Clooney or��
Coach? How did you know I was going to say that? Coach.
8) Would Stacy Kiebler make a good Bond girl?
I think I would. Bond girls have the total package: sex appeal, and the ability to kick ass.
9) Talk about the Legaroonie so we can show it again!
*While footage of her spinaroonie plays* I�m a dancer, so I thought it would be easy enough, but if I screwed up, I would have landed on all fours or something to get the panty shot, which was the money shot of the whole thing.
Did you say something about being down on all fours?
These segments work best when the pair has a good rapport. This was one of those times. Coach SMOKES Matthews hosting this segment, by the way. 1/3
- Commercials �
WWE�s New Year Resoultions
Maven: �To get as good at this business as I can.� (Insert snickers here)
Christian: �Since I�m the Emperor of the Peepdom, give the peeps more Christian, more Christian, more Christian.�
Eric Bischoff: �Make a lot more money and get rid of more of the people I don�t like.�
Hurricane: �Clean up the Hurricave.�
Scotty 2 Hotty: �Worm more WWE superstars and convince Rikishi to cover his ass up.�
Rhyno: �Drink less.�
Coach: �Follow Eric Bischoff to the promised land.�
Brooklyn Brawler: �To keep my timid and kind personality.�
APA: �Work less, make more money, and drink more.�
Orton: �Add more legends to my list. And cut down the sexual adventures to one a week��.one a day. Do twins count as one?�
How long do you keep them?
Mostly Everyone: �A day or two.�
Eric Bischoff: �Well, I like making more money, and if you look at my track record, I�ve surpassed myself getting rid of people I don�t like."
How about this year?
Again, most everyone: �No.�
Eric: �Look.At.My.Track.Record.�
Rhyno: �I don�t know, I like drinking. We should go out sometime.�
APA: �Hell, we won�t even remember them.�
Ok, that was pretty good. And even Orton made me chuckle. DO twins count as one? 2/4
More Autograph Sessions
Recently, WWE superstars took part in two autograph sessions, both in New York City. First, Ric Flair signed copies of his DVD set at FYE. Fans absolutely are awestruck in his presence. Fans talk about his greatness, but Flair would rather work with Gene instead of wrestle. Secondly, Victoria and Matt Hardy Version 1 were at the same bookstore Lita was at a month or so ago to sign copies of Unscripted. Victoria gets flowers from the guys while Matt meets kids dressed like the Hardy Boyz and a kid I dubbed Mini Mattitude Version 0.5~! , who looked very much like Matt and had the same mannerisms.
In honor of Mini Mattitude~! V 0.5, that�s what this segment�s score is. 2.5/5
-Commercials-
To wrap the show up, Shawn Michaels gets an award for raising money for families of soldiers who died in Iraq, superstars visit a GI hospital and talk to wounded soldiers, and more soldiers say hello to their families at home. 2.5/6
Next Week: Nothing announced.
Until then, see you next week.
Send me feedback. No offers for valium though, I've gotten enough of those.
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