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TNA Lazarush: 1/14/04
Posted by Corey Lazarus on Jan 15, 2004, 19:34
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TNA Lazarush - January 14, 2004
Tonight's Lazarush is brought to you by BARQ'S ROOT BEER. It has the "bite," I think.
I suppose few of you outside of the Music and TNA folders actually know who I am. I'm the poster known at TheSmartMarks as COREY LAZARUS, but known most other places as DREZZY. I've been a fan of wrestling since I was about three years old, but WASN'T a Hulkamaniac (as I turn 18 in May, three days after I graduate from Franklin High School), but really got into it around the time of the Montreal incident. My first wrestling PPV was WWF Badd Blood, and thus my first PPV main-event was the legendary Hell In A Cell match between The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels that saw the debut of Kane. Up until around late 1998, however, I preferred World Championship Wrestling over the World Wrestling Federation. Why? Because WCW seemed to focus more on the actual matches, whereas the WWF focused heavily on the storylines.
Anybody that has chatted with me about wrestling knows I'm an opinonated ass. Hey, if I wasn't, I wouldn't be on the Internet at a site called "TheSmartMarks," right? A good match is a good match, says I. And yes, I'm rambling, because I'm in desperate need of a SoBe. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A SOBE ADDICTION?! NO! NO, YOU DON'T! Consider this your "Scared Straight," but drink SoBe. It's good.
As for "miscellaneous information," like a lot of writers apparently do...I've been going out with the same girl for the past six months, am a self-procalimed afficianado of horror films and heavy metal, and have an incredibly foul mouth. But fuck it! Let's get to the debut TNA Lazarush at TheSmartMarks! ((NOTE: A big "thank you" to The Dames for letting me do this column at TSM in place of his Dames Diatribe. I uploaded my review of last week's show onto my website, and it got nothing but positive feedback by all that read it.)
Welcome to another exciting TNA Lazarush! Yeah, it's only the second one on the web (and my third altogether, as the first one was more or less play-by-play for the TSM TNA board during one of the shows in early December of 2003, which I'm not sure of the date on). Last week, Chris Sabin regained the X-Division title from Michael Shane in Ultimate X 2, which pitted Christopher Daniels (former NWA World Tag Team champion), LowKi (former, and the second, NWA World X-Division champion; former NWA World Tag Team champion), Chris Sabin (former, and now current, NWA World X-Division champion; only the third 2-time X-Division champion, joining AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn), and Michael Shane (former, but at-the-time current, NWA World X-Division champion) against each other. The match was superb, and featured excellent spots and strong psychology built off of the first match (rather than try to climb the scaffolding to get to the cables where the X-Division title is hung, Michael Shane and Christopher Daniels set up a steel chair in the middle of the ring and attempted to jump off of it to reach the title early on; this resulted in two awesome spots involving LowKi, where he did the springboard kick to Daniels' midsection while Daniels was using the chair as his own springboard to go for the belt, and another where Sabin kicked off of Daniels' back, who was face-down and bent over onto the chair, to deliver an enziguri to LowKi, who was trying to use the chair to get the belt). Aside from that, nothing was worth noting that won't be brought up tonight. A full recap can be found here. Let's get on with the show!
As was the case with last week's edition, Mike Tenay interrupts the FBI warning to say that piracy affects everybody in TNA, so if you're viewing the TNA PPV's for free (lucky you, might I add), then you're harming everybody in TNA from the wrestlers to the staff. Yeah, well...the product's harming my enjoyment of professional wrestling, so I deserve to get it for free. Of course, I have to chuck out the $10 each week, so I'm just a bitch.
Video recap of last week's show has each match highlighted, but the main focus is on AJ Styles being crowned "Mr. TNA 2003," and Jarrett using this as a way to make a match against Erik Watts and AJ Styles (with Abyss as his tag team partner) where if Jarrett/Abyss win, then Watts has to resign as Director Of Authority and AJ Styles hands the "Mr. TNA 2003" trophy over to Triple J. If Watts/Styles win, however, then Jarrett must grant AJ with a World title shot. After the show, Watts admonished Goldylocks for accepting Jarrett's challenge for her man and Styles, and he tells the masked man he needs to talk to him (online talk has the masked man named as APOLO, who briefly worked with TNA during the first few weeks, and is actually a quite decent brawler). Jarrett and Callis knew Goldylocks would accept the challenge, and Abyss screams for his Preparation H. Well, he screams and growls, and they're calling TNA the SuperBowl of wrestling. Abyss keeps growling.
Earlier today, Watts and Styles arrived with Goldylocks. Also earlier today, Jeff Jarrett called Tenenbaum, and accidentally insulted his daughter (who is his receptionist) by calling her an idiot. Jarrett's "To Do" list tonight is:
- Collect the signatures from Kid Kash
- Reveal who the masked man is
- Get rid of Erik Watts
- Release Jarrett's "Big News"
- Decide who to "fire"
The introduction video rolls, and it's MACHO MAN rapping "Are You Ready," or at least somebody that sounds exactly like Macho. There are a few things obviously not from Macho, as they name TNA exclusives and such. Or maybe Macho did the rap just for TNA. Whatever the case is, the song ain't too bad. The video package is reminiscent of ECW, actually. Only, you know...not as good.
And now for a rundown of the matches. AMW/Redshirts in a Rawhide Whippin' match, Elix Skipper/Shane Douglas, LowKi/Michael Shane/Christopher Daniels for the #1 Contendership to the X-Division title, Simon Diamond/David Young with Glenn Gilberti as the referee, Sandman/Raven vs. Julio/Punk (but nobody knows where Raven is), and Watts/Styles vs. Jarrett/Abyss.
Back in the parking lot, the masked man is attacking Jeff Jarrett while Don Callis yells for security (and doesn't do shit to help his man). They're coming through the entrance curtain now, and Tenay says the masked man is named "EL LION." His shirt has a lion on it. Cute. In the ring, El Lion hits a Fireman's Carry Sideslam (nice, but Victoria's is better), and the Redshirts are out. El Lion lariats them both down, but Jarrett hits an enziguri, and then the Redshirts deliver a back suplex/clothesline to El Lion, and try to remove his mask to no avail. Jarrett in with a chair, but El Lion fights out, and bails. Since the Redshirts are out here, and the straps are all set up, I guess American's Most Wanted vs. Redshirts is first.
MATCH ONE:America's Most Wanted vs. Redshirts
WHY?: Last week, AMW were whipped by the Redshirts belts in the opening six-man (where the Redshirts teamed with Abyss, and AMW with AJ Styles), which they lost when Abyss pinned Styles after Jarrett's belt shot and a Blackhole Slam.
THE ACTION: Out comes AMW to their decent theme, and the Redshirts are already in the ring. Man, I miss their old theme when they started getting called "America's Most Wanted." Generic as hell, but catchy. This one's not too shabby either, but that one is, to me, AMW's theme. And there's the bell as a brawl starts on the outside, as Storm pairs off with Legend and Harris with Northcutt. Northcutt begins wailing on Harris as Legend gets a knifehand from Storm, and Northcutt brings Harris into the ring as Legend rolls in, and I guess the match now officially starts. Harris trades punches with Legend, and then slams his head into the top turnbuckle. Whip to the corner, and Harris eats a boot. Out comes Legend, only to be met with a backdrop. Harris goes for a strap, but Northcutt takes it away as Legend knocks him down and tags out. Northcutt with a few strap shots, and then he punches Harris before whipping him. The whip is reversed, and Harris with an inverted atomic drop before a lariat. Harris with a strap, but in comes Legend with a forearm to the back of the head. Northcutt with a few strap shots to knock Harris down, and he's grinning. Whip to the ropes, but a backdrop attempt is blocked with a kick to the face, allowing Harris to tag to Storm. Storm with a few kicks and a whip and then a lariat, followed by a dropkick to Northcutt's face. Whip to the ropes, and Legend with the blind tag. Northcutt pushes Storm over his shoulder, and Legend with an elbow to the back. Legend with the strap, and then a whip to the ropes, but Storm maneuvers out of the tilt-a-whirl, and then hits a 'rana before knocking Northcutt off of the apron. Storm to the ropes, but Northcutt trips him up.
Legend chokes Storm with the boot, and tags in Northcutt. Whip to the corner, and in comes an avalanche by Northcutt. Kevin has a strap, and begins slapping it over Storm's back...once. Northcutt with a knee to the head, and then begins choking him on the second rope before nailing a boot to the midsection. Northcutt lets Storm get to his feet, albeit hunched over, and lays in two strap shots before bringing him to the Redshirts corner. legend chokes Storm with the strap while the ref prevents Harris from getting in, and Legend slaps his hands together to make a tag sound to enter illegally. He chokes Storm with the boot, and then picks him up and tags in Northcutt. Whip to the ropes, and a drop toehold by Legend is met with a knee to Storm's face. A spiked piledriver attempt in the corner is reversed into a catapult, sending Northcutt's head into Legend's midsection. Storm tosses Legend off the top, and a double-clothesline knocks Storm and Northcutt down.
Lukewarm tag to Harris, and he's in for a beating on Legend. Lariat knocks Legend down, and then another one knocks Northcutt out of the ring. Full-nelson slam to Legend, and then a few strap shots in the corner before Northcutt comes in to break it up. Northcutt with the whip to the ropes, but Harris hits a Thesz Press. Rawhide strap in hand, and he clotheslines Legend down. Northcutt with a whip to the ropes, but Harris hits a Thesz Press and lays in the punches. Harris takes Northcutt's shirt off, and whips him with the strap. Storm wraps a strap around Legend's neck, and then he and Harris whip him, causing him to fall down to his neck being tied. Northcutt takes a strap off of the ropes, and goes to smack Harris with it while Storm pounds on Legend outside. Harris ducks a strap clothesline, and hits a Spear before applying a Sharpshooter. With Northcutt in the Sharpshooter, Storm whips Northcutt with the straps. Legend back in now, and he tosses Storm out before hitting a Yakuza Kick to Harris, breaking the Sharpshooter, and he gets a two. Northcutt on the outside wraps a strap around Harris' neck, and Legend whips him with another one before a Schoolboy.
The referee, however, is too busy telling Northcutt to get back into his corner, allowing Storm to hit a Superkick to Legend. Harris then rolls Legend up for the three count, and the win at 9:40.
RATING: **. Northcutt is definitely improving, and Legend is acceptable, but I find AMW to be rather bland, and have since the feud with XXX ended. They have yet to master the proper hot tag, and neither man sells much outside of taking a bump here and there.
Post-match, the Redshirts attack, and send Harris over the top with a strap around his neck. Storm in to take out Legend, and then with a forearm to the back of Northcutt. Storm has Northcutt up, and goes for the 8 Second Ride (!), but he lets Northcutt down to tend to Harris. Northcutt clubs Storm down, and now lifts him up for a piledriver as Legend goes to the second rope. Harris in with a chair, thus no-selling his hanging, but Storm is down while the Redshirts leave.
A video recap of Ultimate X 2 rolls. Typical video recap, but I dig the ambient (somewhat) music used for it. The clips shown are the most impressive spots in the match, I must admit, and include the legdrop onto the chair that Sabin gave Shane, as well as Michael Shane rana'ing Christopher Daniels from the cables off of the set up chair. The music turns into techno, and Daniels Rock Bottom to Shane off of the ladder is shown, as well as Ki German Suplexing Sabing from the ladder.
I take it Ki/Shane/Daniels is next...and a post-match promo rolls of Sabin. "There's a time in a man's life...when all the blood, all the sweat, all the tears...is worth it." Excellent promo, surprisingly, by a man whose promo style closely resembles Rob Van Dam's. It up's the value of the X-Division title, and he puts over how tough the competition was.
Backstage with a promo from The New Franchise as Scott Hudson tells Michael Shane that his two opponents are former XXX members. Shane shows his promo skills suck by yelling constantly, and apparently his left arm is hurt (as it's bandaged around the elbow). Douglas: "I told you that the NWA is a political machine, and I've been around it for nearly 20 years." "The Franchise" Shane Douglas is still an awesome promo man, and I don't care what anybody says. His ring skills have sucked since mid 1999, but hey, his mic skills are still amazing.
MATCH TWO: LowKi vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Michael Shane for the #1 Contendership to the NWA World X-Division championship
WHY?: For the past two months, Daniels and LowKi have been gunning for the X-Division title. Last week, they fought for the belt in Ultimate X 2, which Chris Sabin walked out victorious from. Michael Shane, as the former champion, should get the rematch immediately, but the #1 Contendership is put up in this match.
THE ACTION: Daniels' "Stinkfist" ripoff still ticks me off, as it's an OBVIOUS ripoff. LowKi's intro video still owns, and I'm digging Michael Shane's music. It features pinch harmonics in the wrong places...constantly...but hey, I also love Black Label Society, so fuck it. There's the bell, and Ki and Daniels, who had been trashtalking each other, duke it out while Shane waits in the corner. Whip to the ropes, and Daniels with a lariat, followed by mounted punches by Shane to Daniels. More brawling in the ring, and I can't keep up with every move. Shane fights out of a Ki Krusher, and then hits a Northern Lights release suplex. Whip to the ropes by Daniels, and a lariat to Shane. Ki's against the ropes, and Daniels with knife-edge chops before Ki hits the double-Mongolian chop. Shane runs over and hits a double lariat, and then stomps on both men. He picks Daniels up, and tosses him out of the ring before whipping Ki into the ropes and hitting a back elbow for 2. Shane brings Ki back up, and hits a snap suplex for 2. Ki with a knife-edge chop, returned by Shane, and then the double Mongolian Chop. To the ropes by Ki, and Shane tosses him out of the ring, and he hits a suicide dive onto Daniels. Sabin is watching from the balcony, and Shane hits Snakeyes to Daniels onto the guardrail before sending Ki into the ring. A cover gets 2, and then Shane brings Ki up for two punches before Dnaiels hits an axehandle from behind, followed by a few forearms. Scoop up, but Shane gloats over, shoves Daniels into LowKi (in the corner) and a Schoolboy gets 2. A few punches followed by a knife-edge chop to Daniels, and Shane puts Daniels in the corner to choke him with a boot. Ki tries to get into the ring, but Shane with a knee to the midsection. Daniels with a series of chops and forearms, but Shane hits a knee to the midsection, and then a running forearm smash gets 2.
Shane with a blatant choke to Daniels, followed by a NICE stomp to his chest. Shane runs to the ropes, but Ki kicks him in the back, allowing an inverted atomic drop to Shane by Daniels. Ki's in, and Daniels lifts him up for Ki to hit the springboard kick. XXX seems to be reforming, and I'm loving it. Shane's on the ropes, and Ki with a series of knife-edge chops. Ki to the ropes, but Shane ducks an elbow, and Daniels applies a standing underhook so Ki can kick Shane in the midsection. BAM! Shane's down, and Daniels with a standing surfboard. BAM! Second kick. You know what's next! Ki slaps the mat, and goes to kick Shane, but Shane ducks it and he hits Daniels by accident. Daniels to a knee, and Shane reverses a whip to the corner. Ki floats over Daniels, and then goes for the hooking kick, but Daniels ducks and Shane is hit. Daniels whips Ki to the ropes, but Ki stops and hits a Kappou kick. Shane with some punches, and then Ki kicks Shane's left elbow. Shane flips out of a back suplex, but gets a dropkick to the knee. Shane to a knee, and Ki misses a Shining Wizard, but comes back with a cross-arm breaker to the left arm. I'm digging this psychology as Shane tries to fight out of it, and Daniels breaks it up.
Whip to the ropes, and Daniels with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to LowKi. Ki back to his feet, and Daniels hits the Novocaine before locking on a sleeperhold of some sort (I forget the name). Shane with a top rope elbow for 2 onto Daniels, and I'm LOVING Michael Shane in this match. Shane brings Ki up, and hits a cradle DDT onto him for 2 (Daniels breaks it up). Daniels brings Shane to his feet, hunches him over...and an Angel's Wings attempt is reversed into a back body drop. Daniels in the corner, and Shane charges but eats boot. Daniels sits on the top, and applies a double-underhook, but Shane fights out of it. Rights from "The Fallen Angel," and Shane flies off of the second rope. A Sunset Flip is reversed by Shane, and then both men are up. Shane goes for a backslide, but Daniels flips him over into Angel's Wings. Cover! 1...2...Ki breaks it up. Daniels is back up, and whips Ki into the corner, setting him up top with a Dragon Punch. Daniels goes for the Cross-Arm Iconoclasm, but Ki hooks on the Dragon. Daniels fights out of it, but gets knocked out of the ring by Shane. Ki locks the Dragon onto Shane, but Shane runs to the corner and drops, sending Ki face-first into the top turnbuckle pad. Ki blocks the Superkick, and hits a kick of his own to knock Shane down. Shane in the corner, and the TIDAL CRUSH~! Ki goes for the Ki Krusher, but Shane Douglas runs out. Ki lets go of Shane, and knocks Douglas off of the apron, only to turn around and eat the Superkick. Cover! 1...2...3. Michael Shane is your new #1 Contender to the X-Division title, winning this Triple Threat match at 10:24.
RATING: Michael Shane has not sucked since TNA returned to live PPV. Maybe it's because he hasn't RELIED upon interference, or maybe it's because he's finally learning how to work more than just a bunch of restholds, but I've dug Michael Shane heavily for the past 2 weeks now. ***, maybe ***1/4. Nothing compared to last week's Ultimate X, but after only having a week to heal up before having to go at it again for another 10 and a half minutes? I don't blame them for it.
Post-match, Douglas laughs on the ramp as Shane rolls out of the ring and Douglas helps him celebrate. Daniels is perplexed, and Douglas leads Shane backstage. Speaking of backstage, here's Scott Hudson with Armando and AAA head Antonio sldfjalsdfn. Dunno his name, I don't speak Spanish. Antonino (AAA president, I'm presuming) is speaking nothing but Spanish, and I'm waiting for Armando to translate. TNA and AAA have an official working relationship now, and I can't wait for Triple J to bury some of the Lucha stars I've been hearing about since I got the internet.
On February 11th, four of AAA's greatest stars are up against four of TNA's best, and a package for AAA rolls. PSICOSIS~! LA PARKA~! W00T W00T~! AAA vs. TNA - America's X-Cup - 2/11/04.
MATCH THREE: Simon Diamond vs. David Young with Glenn Gilberti as the guest referee. The loser of the match is out of the group (although the group has always been unofficial).
WHY?: Since David Young joined the group, he's cost Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger the NWA World Tag Team titles, and nearly every match since. Simon's pointed the finger at David ever since, and this is the obvious way to settle some issues.
THE ACTION: Glenn's on the mic, and he wants to reiterate that just because he's wearing a referee shirt, he's not an idiot. It's an internal problem, so the people need to stay out of it as Simon and David settle their own problem.
Simon keeps slapping David's hand away, despite Glenn telling him to shake his hand. David with a slap to Simon, and Simon comes back with a tackle and punches. Gilberti breaks it up, and Simon stands in the corner as David charges. Simon dodges, and lays in a few punches. A whip to the other corner has David Young stumbling backwards, and Simon hits a Russian Legsweep for 2. Whip to the ropes, and Young reverses, but gets a kick to the midsection by Simon before being tossed out of the ring. Simon follows, and whips Young into the guardrails. Simon with stomps as Glenn tells him to get back in the ring, and Simon slams David into the guardrail again before rolling him into the ring. Simon follows, and I'm mesmerized by some fan doing the disco dance. Simon brings David to his feet, whip to the ropes for a backdrop attempt, but Young floats over with a hammerlock and then kicks him below the belt. Young brings Simon up, and then lays in the rights before a kick to the head sends Simon back down. David brings Simon back up, and whips him into the corner HARD, sending Simon stumbling back out and falling. David brings Simon back up, but Simon begins laying in the rights before a whip is reversed into a short-arm clothesline by Davind Young.
Young with the mounted punches, and Gilberti pulls him off, admonishing him for not wrestling. Simon with a roll-up, and Gilberti stalls and then counts 2. Young sends Simon through the ropes and to the floor, and they brawl on the ramp before Young whips him into the apron back-first. David's non-brawling offense has all been on Simon's back, setting up the Spinebuster. I dig. Young brings a chair in, and goes to thwack Simon over the back, but Gilberti pulls the chair out of his hands and tosses it out of the ring. Young lays the rights into Simon before running off of the ropes and hits a forearm before dragging Simon back into the middle of the ring. David goes up top, and Simon rolls out of the way of the moonsault, and an Oklahoma Roll gets 2. David's back up, but so is Simon, and David eats a superkick. Both men struggle to their feet, and then Simon with a vertical suplex...BUT HE HOLDS ON! SIMON SERIES! W00T W00T~! Wait, no! David reverses the Gordbuster (third) into a snap suplex, and then David goes up top. Simon crotches Young, and goes up top...SHIT! SIMON DIAMOND HITS A SWEET HURRICANRANA ONTO DAVID YOUNG! Simon: "THAT'S IT! RIGHT NOW!" Gilberti kicks Simon in the midsection, and hits the Last Dance (I guess, it's a Stunner) before draping David onto Simon for the 3-count at 6:16.
RATING: **1/2. I dug this match because Simon Diamond is pretty damn cool, and David Young is also pretty damn cool. Gilberti's swerve on Simon wasn't unexpected, but it also wasn't EXPECTED, so it worked. The fact that David knew how to scout for the Simon Series (vertical suplex, vertical suplex, Gordbuster) was some decent psychology, but the back work by David Young didn't go anywhere. Solid match.
After the match, Glenn and David beat on Simon, but Swinger runs down to the ring to help his partner. He kicks Glenn out of the ring, and Simon and Swinger whip David into the ropes for the Problem Solver. Gilberti grabs David's legs, and pulls him out of the ring. Simon and Swinger beckon them while Young and Gilberti mock them atop the ramp.
This was a very, very solid match, and now it appears that Simon and Swinger are faces. Coolness. While I think their work has diminished since ECW, they're still a solid tag team. Now, however, there are three face teams and one heel team in the Tag division. The face teams are America's Most Wanted, NWA World Tag Team champions 3 Live Kru, and Simon & Swinger. The only heel team is the Redshirts. To quote a popular Monday-night superhero: WASSUP WIT DAT?
Backstage with Scott Hudson as he tries to interview Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett
says he doesn't have time for an interview, and he yells at Callis to find
out who is under the mask. Jarrett wants all of the signatures from last
week from Kash, and wants Chris Vaughn's signature in his own blood. The
next match is up...
MATCH FOUR: Shane Douglas vs. Elix Skipper
WHY?: Last week, Douglas interfered in Ultimate X 2 to try to help
Michael Shane retain the X-Division title. Elix Skipper, who has been trying
to reform XXX with LowKi and Christopher Daniels in recent weeks, fought him
off.
THE ACTION: Elix's music sucks. Maybe this is proof that not every
black man can rap?
Elix enters with his usual backflip off of the top rope into the middle of
the ring, and there's the bell. Referee Rudy Charles checks for foreign
objects on Elix, and Skipper ducks Shane's lariat attempt, and then whips
him into the corner. A few forearms, and then a dropkick has Shane down.
Elix showboats, and goes in for the kill, but Skipper gets sent head-first
into the top turnbuckle. Shane chokes him with his boot on the mat, and then
stomps on him as the referee pulls him off. Shane brings Elix back up, and
applies a front chancery, but Skipper fights out with punches, and whips
Shane into the ropes. Shane turns a backdrop attempt into a high vertical
suplex...and drops Skipper face-first with a reverse suplex. Shane measures
Skipper, and then charges, somersaulting over and grabbing Elix's head,
snapping his head backwards. Shane brings Skipper back to his feet, and
applies another front chancery, whichElix fights out of again. Whip to the
ropes, and Shane blocks a lariat attempt, lifts him in a fireman's
carry...and hits an Ace Crusher out of it. Remember when this move was a
finisher? Now it's a popular transition move. Shane chokes Elix with the
bottom rope, and then pushes him with his foot, egging him on.
Skipper fights to his feet with lefts and rights, whips Douglas into the
ropes, and hits the big spinning roundhouse kick. Skipper has Douglas for
the Play Of The Day, but Traci With An I hooks his leg. Skipper grabs Traci,
but Shane hooks on a full-nelson, trips him up with a full-nelson reverse
Russian Legsweep, and WRENCHES back on the full-nelson for the submission
win at 3:19.
RATING: DUD. Nothing of note at all, but Shane needs shorter matches
so he doesn't get exposed.
After the match, LowKi attacks Shane Douglas, but Michael Shane comes out
for the save. Elix gets his hands on Traci, but she holds him for Sweet
Shane Music (Michael Shane's superkick). Douglas rolls Ki back into the
ring, and beats him down while Michael and Traci beat on Elix. Out comes
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, and The New Franchise high-tails it. Daniels stands by
as Elix and Ki get to their feet, and all three former XXX teammates stand
in the ring. Elix and Daniels hug, and then Elix shakes Ki's hand. He wants
Ki and Daniels to shake hands so that XXX can reform, and the crowd is
CHANTING for XXX. Daniels extends his hand, ready to reform XXX, and makes
the XXX symbol with his fingers. Ki stares at Daniels, then at his hand, and
backs out of the ring. Now THIS is solid booking. In the final weeks of
2003, Daniels decimated LowKi for a shot at the X-Division title, then worn
by Michael Shane. Wow, Dutch. Solid booking. Touch�.
We cut to the back where Scott Hudson is with "Mr. TNA 2003," "The
Phenomenal" AJ Styles. AJ thanks the fans for the "Mr. TNA 2003" award, as
the fans actually did vote for him (although I'm rather sure it was heavily
rigged, seeing as how I'd doubt Jeff Jarrett would be one of the final 2
with Raven in the final 3). AJ says losing the main event tonight is not an
option.
A recap of Kash last week rolls, as Siaki says he's been advised to not sign
the contract. Kash then forces Tiny, the overly obese
timekeeper/bell-ringer, to sign. He punks out Chris Vaughn, and Vaughn
attacks. During the impromptu Vaughn/Kash battle, "Heavy D" Don Harris costs
Kid Kash the win. Some post-show promo from Kash, and he's all "shit, I only
have 5 names. I lost to CHRIS VAUGHN! The kid's only 19 years old! If it
wasn't for Don Harris, I'd have his signature already." Then there's a knock
at the door, and Kash slams the door shut and locks it, saying he'll be out
in a minute. This leads to our next match...
MATCH FIVE: Kid Kash vs. Chris Vaughn
WHY?: Last week, while Kash was trying to get Tiny, the overly obese
timekeeper/bell-ringer, to sign the contract that says he's with Jeff
Jarrett and Don Callis, Chris Vaughn took offense, and the two had an
impromptu match which Vaughn won thanks to interference from Don Harris.
This week, Jarrett told Kash that he wants Vaughn's signature on one of
those contracts...in BLOOD. So not only is Triple J a HHH wannabe, but he
also wants to be his former employer: Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
THE ACTION: Kash tries to get Tiny, the overly obese
timekeeper/bell-ringer, to sign again, and Don West is screaming about how
any contract signed under duress is not valid in court. Vaughn's had enough,
and he comes out from the back with no entrance, wailing away on Kash.
There's the bell as Vaughn slams Kash head-first into the commentators'
table, and then fights him up the side of the ring. Vaughn rolls Kash into
the ring, and Kash begs off Memphis-style. Chris won't take this shit, and
kicks him a few times. Irish whip, and Kash reverses, ready to pancake
Vaughn. Vaughn hits a dropkick out of the pancake, and then springboards off
of the second rope with a Sabu-style leg lariat. Kash whips Vaughn into the
corner, and Vaugn sits on top. Kash smacks Vaughn, and hits the Muscle
Buster (Kunniku Buster for you Ultimate Muscle fans) for 2. Kash yells
"C'MON, BOY," and then pulls Vaughn's shirt over his head, hockey-style, for
a few overhand chops in the corner. Kash rips the Blackshirt Security shirt
off, punking Vaughn out, and then brings Vaughn to his feet. Kash lifts him
for a back suplex, but drops him down powerbomb-style for 2. Kash covers
again, and Chris kicks out at 2 once more.
Kash slaps Vaughn across the face twice, and Vaughn gets to his feet as Kash
talks trash. Kash with another slap the face, and Vaughn fights back with
rights, whipping Kash into the corner. Chris eats boot as he charges, and
Kash hits a charging dropkick to Vaughn's knees for 2. Back to the corner
for an overhand chop, and Vaughn reverses a whip into the other corner.
Vaughn charges, but Kash lifts him up and hits a flapjack, grinding Vaughn's
face into the mat. Chris keeps trashtalking Vaughn as he argues with the
referee about the rules (typical heel stuff). Kash brings Vaughn to his
knees for two right hands, and then Vaughn drops down to the mat...DEAD.
"Go, Chris, Go!" chant starts. I dig Vaughn. Green, but has a future. Kash
does some Flair-style headlock punches, and then holds Vaughn up by his hair
so the world can see he's busted open. Kash clotheslines Vaughn down from
his knees, and whips him into the ropes. Vaughn ducks a clothesline, and
runs the ropes again, this time catching Kash with a clothesline of his own.
A short series of rights, and then Vaughn hits a back elbow to Kash before
running off of the ropes and hitting a Hurricane-style neckbreaker. Vaughn
hits a Lionsault for 2, and then brings Kash to his feet, whipping him into
the corner. Kash goes for a boot as Vaughn charges, but Vaughn catches it
and puts him on top. Chris goes up, presumably for a 'rana, but Kash
headbutts him, and they're both standing up top...SHIT! Scoop slam from the
top! Kash drags the lifeless body of Vaughn to his feet, and hits the Money
Maker (double-underhook piledriver) for the win at 6:34.
RATING: **. Vaughn has some nice moves, and it's good to see the kid
get some experience in the ring with a 15-year veteran like Kid Kash. Nice
finish, too.
As Kash smears Vaughn's bloodied forehead onto the contract, the referee
tells him to stop. Kash sends the referee flying, and then puts the boots to
the head of TNA Blackshirt Security. Uh-oh...HERE COMES TINY THE
OVERLY-OBESE TIMEKEEPER! Tiny with rights to Kash, and then goes for a
lariat, sending Kash down. Tiny rips off his shirt, but the K-I-D gets to
his feet. Ewwww...Tiny, your boobs are bigger than my girlfriend's, man. Hit
the treadmill! Kash boots Tiny in the midsection, and tries to scoop him up
for a slam...BUT TINY'S TOO FAT! HAHA! SCORE ONE FOR THE FAT GUY! Tiny with
a right that sends Kash to the mat, and then Tiny waits in the corner...and
hits the ugliest Spear this side of Trish Stratus. Tiny does some mounted
punches, but Kash knocks him off, and begins laying in the overhand chops
before sending Tiny to the mat. Kash puts the boots to Lardass (Citizen
Toxie reference), and out comes Heavy D. Harris beats the shit out of
Kash, but here comes the Redshirts! They're decimating Harris...AND HERE
COMES AMERICA'S MOST WANTED!
AMW brawl with the Redshirts on the outside, and the Redshirts retreat as
Tiny retreats to his timekeeping position...winded from his 45 seconds of
action. Vaughn is acting DEAD, and everybody checks him out.
A video recap of last week's Raven/Sandman vs. Punk/Dinero match rolls, with
the cloaked man using chloroform on Raven to daze him so Punk can hit the
DDT for the win. We cut to a new Father James Mitchell promo, tape in such a
way that it looks like it was done at night with a cheap camcorder. Hey, it
works. "You spranged my neck, you broke my hand, and I lost countless pints
of blood. But just like I told you before, you can beat me physically, but
you can't outsmart me. And I always told you that revenge was a dish best
served cold." Mitchell is pissed that Raven destroyed him and the New Church
in October 2003, and Mitchell declares that it was HIM that set Punk and
Dinero free. Punk and Dinero fade in, and Punk lets Raven know that he'll
know the true meaning of destiny. "Quote the Gathering...nevermore..."
A clip of Raven from post-show last week, where he just stares at the
camera, and then turns around and exits.
Cut to live backstage feed, as Scott Hudson is in Raven's lair. OH NO!
Father James Mitchell is posing as Raven, with the hooded sweatshirt, and
Mitchell says Raven is in Hell. Father James says that the Sandman can back
out, no harm no foul, if he's smart, or he can receive a beating like no
other if he's as dumb as he usually is. Julio and Punk enter the fray, and
Julio (sporting a Strapping Young Lad shirt; DEVIN TOWNSEND IS THE FUCKING
MAN!) says "Raven, we own you. Tell 'em what's up, CM."
CM Punk: "Sandman, you see myself, Julio, and you have something in common,
believe it or not. And that's that we used to follow Raven." Sandman regrets
his mistake, while The Gathering has gotten rid of that mistake. And this
leads us to the next match...
MATCH SIX: The Gathering vs. Sandman/??? in a Double Singapore Cane
Match
WHY?: Last week, The Gathering defeated The Sandman and Raven after
Father James Mitchell used chloroform to daze Raven enough so Punk could
land a DDT for the win. Sandman wants vengeance, and his partner is supposed
to be Raven, but Raven is nowhere to be found.
THE ACTION: The Gathering's music sucks. It's the cheap
"Stranglehold" (Ted Nugent, if you didn't know) ripoff that Kid Kash used in
early 2003, and Frankie Kazarian used in mid-2003. Why not give them some
gothic and/or metal-ish tune, considering that their new manager is the
former leader of a stable known as The Disciples Of The New Church,
who were an "occult" stable, and Julio is a metalhead and Punk is
a...well...a punk? And I still hate Sandman's terrible "Enter Sandman"
ripoff. First off, Metallica never used pinch harmonics, and this song is
filled with them.
The Gathering are out first, and here comes Sandman through the crowd.
Raven's music cues...but Sandman starts without his partner, smacking Julio
and Punk down with a beer can in hand. Raven is nowhere to be found. The
Gathering are in opposite corners, and Sandman whips Julio into Punk.
Sandman with a left to Punk, and then shakes his hand out before knocking
Julio down with an overhand chop. Sandman tosses The Gathering to the
outside, and follows suit, whipping both men into the same guardrail (Julio
first, and then Punk). Sandman charges, kicks off of a chair, and hits AIR
SANDMAN into the guardrail. Sandman sends Punk back into the ring, and backs
him into a corner, mounting him on top. Sandman stands on top, humps Punk's
face, and hits the HEINEKENRANA~! Julio coems in, and lariats Sandman down.
Julio goes up top, reaching for one of the Singapore Canes on the pole, and
Sandman tosses him out. Punk with lefts and rights knocks Sandman down, and
hits the Shining Wizard~! SHINING FUCKING WIZARD~! Punk pushes Sandman into
the corner, and starts with the bootscrapes! The first running bootscrape
connects...but the second misses! Punk gets crotched on the middle rope, and
Sandman goes for the Singapore Cane in the opposite corner. In comes Julio,
and he hits a powerbomb onto Sandman in the middle of the ring. Punk back
up, and he hits a series of rights to Sandman before hitting a running
lariat. Julio follows up with a stamping elbow drop before Sandman gets up,
fighting off both men. Sandman looks towards the entrance ramp, does the
crucifix pose, but Julio hits the Hurricane STO.
Punk lifts Sandman into a sideslam position, and Julio off the top rope with
a legdrop. The Gathering climbs opposite corners...AND THEY HAVE THE CANES!
They trade who hits Sandman, until Julio turns his back to practice in the
dugout, allowing Sandman to hit the White Russian Legsweep (Russian Legsweep
with the Singapore Cane around the person's neck) onto Punk. Sandman takes
Punk's Cane, and gets up, smacking Julio silly with it before hitting a
White Russian Legsweep onto Dinero as well. Punk gets up, and Sandman goes
old-school EC-F'N-W on him with the Cane, causing the top half of the Cane
to look like shreds of bamboo barely taped together (which a Singapore Cane
is, honestly). Father James Mitchell on the apron, and Sandman goes to smack
him, but Mitchell drops down. The Gathering are back up, put their arms
around each other's shoulders, and when Sandman turns around...DOUBLE
SUPERKICK! Julio covers, and The Gathering picks up the win at 5:05.
RATING: *1/2. Punk is being wasted by having to work with Sandman for
two weeks in a row, and Julio is perhaps at his best in the "hardcore" tag
environment. Sandman sucks, but the guy can take an absurd amount of
punishment (probably because he's shitfaced). I marked for the bootscrapes,
which the camera didn't catch last week, and Punk was just cool tonight.
Post-match, Punk poses with the Singapore Cane as if it were a kitana and he
were a ninja. Mitchell grabs a Cane and hands it to Julio. The Gathering
begin smacking the downed Sandman with the Cane after Father James pulls his
shirt off...and Sandman needs a TAN! Smack, smack, smack...and here comes
the referee's and Blackshirts.
Cut to the back with Scott Hudson, as he interviews Erik Watts and
Goldylocks. Watts: "Losing is never an option...with what's on the line
tonight, it's just win, win, WIN!" Erik wants Goldy to stay in the back, as
he has too many things to think about tonight, and he doesn't want to have
to worry about her getting hurt. Goldy thinks this is about Erik breaking up
with her, and says "I will NOT be ignored!" Scott summed it up with a
pseudo-soap opera title: "Like Sands Through The Hourglass."
Tenay and West confirm the America's X-Cup between AAA and TNA for February
11th, and Sandman has the mic. He swore he'd never trust Raven, but he did,
so he's going back and calling "the hardest chair-swinging son of a gun" in
the world. Next week...he's bringing Balls. Balls MAHONEY, that is.
Wow...uhhh...TNA truly is what a promotion would be like if WCW and ECW were
to merge, complete with the pretty good storylines that ECW always seemed to
have, and the mess of management and money losses that WCW had.
Next week, a bunch of matches will happen. I couldn't catch all of them, so
just check out TNA's preview when it comes out on Sunday or Monday. The
lights go out when Tenay mentions 3 Live Kru, and we cut to the production
truck where Don Callis stands. Here's Jarrett's "big news"...
...and here comes Johnny Fairplay, who used to be an associate of "Rowdy"
Roddy Piper, and he was Survivor for quite some time. Uhhhh...whatever.
Survivor isn't wrestling, Fairplay is not a wrestler (although I hear he
LOVES wrestling, has been training, and has some natural heel charisma), and
I do not care. Again to the back, as Scott is with Jarrett and Abyss.
Jarrett says that TNA is about to change with Erik Watts' departure as
Director Of Authory following Jarrett and Abyss' win tonight. He AGAIN says
AJ is not on his level, which is both good and bad: it's good in the sense
that it puts heat on AJ/Jarrett, but it's awful in the sense that Styles has
not won a match cleanly since, well...since teaming with D'Lo Brown before
going for the NWA World title. It's time for the main event...
MATCH SEVEN: Erik Watts/AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett/Abyss. If
Watts/Styles win, then AJ gets a shot at the NWA World title. If
Jarrett/Abyss win, then Erik Watts has to resign as TNA Director Of
Authority, and AJ's "Mr. TNA 2003" trophy goes to Jeff Jarrett.
WHY?: Jarrett has had it in for Styles ever since losing the title to
him last year in June or July (I forget which; probably June). Erik and
Callis have been at odds ever since the introduction of Callis. Abyss is
Jarrett and Callis' muscle. AJ Styles wants the NWA World Heavyweight title
back.
THE ACTION: ...Abyss' music sounds like something you'd hear at a
circus. CHANGE IT.
The match starts off as Watts and Styles attack Jarrett and Abyss as they're
entering. Abyss whips Styles into the guardrail, and in the ring, Watts goes
to chokeslam Jarrett, but JJJ with an eyepoke. Jarrett runs the ropes, and
eats a big boot before getting clotheslined to the floor. Watts beats on
Jarrett outside, and Abyss and Styles are in the ring. Abyss whips Styles
and goes for a backdrop, but Styles STANDS ON ABYSS' BACK before rana'ing
him. Watts whips Abyss into the corner and then Styles in after him. Abyss
goes for a powerbomb on Styles, but Styles jumps onto the top rope and hits
a kick off of it. Watts slams Abyss down, and Styles covers for 2 as Jarrett
breaks it up. Watts goes onto the apron, as does Abyss, and Jarrett whips
Styles into the ropes, but Styles reverses. Jarrett puts on the breaks, does
the Double J strut, and then Styles clotheslines him down for 2. Tag to
Watts, who comes off the middle rope with a shot to Jarrett's left arm.
Repeated shots to Jarrett's arm in a full-arm dragon twist, and a tag back
into Styles. AJ applies a standing armbar, and Jarrett whips Styles into the
ropes. Styles shoulderblocks Jarrett down, and then hits an armdrag before
slapping on another standing armbar. Jarrett punches Styles, and tags in
Abyss. Abyss misses a clothesline, and Styles with a roundhouse kick...but
Abyss doesn't budge. Styles off the ropes with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors
attempt, but Abyss guillotines him on the top rope before a pancake. Abyss
drags Styles to his feet, and tags in Jarrett.
Jarrett with a punch to Styles head, and a whip to the ropes...dropkick.
Jarrett taunts the crowd, and then Watts, before bringing Styles to his feet
for another whip. Styles ducks a clothesline with a rear waistlock, but
Jarrett reverses it into a half-nelson sleeperhold. AJ is losing
consciousness, but begins fighting back with elbows to Jarrett's midsection.
Jarrett releases, and then slams Styles down to the mat before tagging in
Abyss. Abyss shoves Styles into the corner, and hits an overhand chop before
whipping him into the opposite corner. Abyss charges, but Styles moves, and
Abyss crotches himself on the second turnbuckle. Styles tries to crawl to
his corner, but Abyss grabs him by the head. A kick to Abyss' midsection
breaks the hold, and then Styles hits a backflip enziguri. The double tag,
as Watts and Jarrett are in. Jarrett goes down with a lariat, and Watts
trades off between the two. He knocks Jarrett down, and goes for Abyss, but
Abyss no-sells a shot to the face. Abyss goes for a dashing lariat on Watts,
but Erik ducks it, and Abyss stops short before hitting Jarrett. Abyss turns
around to get a bicycle kick by Watts, sending the big man down.
Jarrett charges with a clothesline attempt, but Watts ducks it and applies a
standing chokehold. He lifts him up...BAM! Chokeslam! Watts covers, and gets
2 as Abyss breaks it up. Styles in, and he dropkicks Abyss' knee, knocking
him down to his knees before another dropkick to Abyss' face sends him to
the floor. Watts and Jarrett get up as Styles hits a BEAUTIFUL swan-dive
somersault plancha onto Abyss outside. Jarrett ducks a flying crossbody from
Watts, and the ref is bumped. Jarrett grabs the NWA World title, and smacks
Watts down. The ref comes to, and counts the three for the Jarrett win at
7:21.
Tenay gets on the mic, and tells referee Rudy Charles that Jarrett hit Watts
with the belt, and that the match needed to be restarted, or the decision
overturned. Out comes NWA representative Bill Behrens, and he tells Rudy the
same. Rudy talks to Borash, who announces that the match is now RESTARTED! I
stopped the watch when the pinfall occurred, so the next time written down
will be the final fall. Jarrett begins choking Tenay, who screams "THE MATCH
IS RESTARTED!" Blackshirts and referee's try to pry Jarrett off of Tenay as
Abyss, Styles, and Watts are in the ring. Watts and Styles whip Abyss into
the ropes, but Abyss ducks a double clothesline attempt, and locks on
standing chokeholds to both men. Watts and Styles kick Abyss in the
midsection, and Watts applies a standing chokehold as Styles stands on the
apron.
On the outside, EL LION~! (ghey name) attacks Jarrett again, and they begin
brawling through the crowd as Watts chokeslams Abyss. Styles springboards
off of the top rope...SPRINGBOARD 450 SPLASH~! Rudy Charles slides in
as AJ covers! 1...2...NO! ABYSS KICKED OUT OF THE SPRINGBOARD 450! El Lion
and Jarrett continue brawling into the crowd. Back in the ring, Watts and
Styles whip Abyss, but Abyss stops short by sheer strength. Abyss sends
Styles onto the apron, and then clotheslines Watts over the top rope. Abyss
turns around, and Styles hits a springboard forearm to Abyss! Both men are
knocked down! Uh-oh...here comes Goldylocks! She's pissed! She points at
Styles and Watts, yelling "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED," and then gives Abyss a
low blow. Watts guillotines Abyss with the top rope, and AJ hits a
springboard sunset flip. 1...2...3!!!!! ERIK WATTS AND AJ STYLES WIN AT
9:16!
RATING: **3/4. Watts busted ass, Jarrett was decent, and Abyss and AJ
Styles? Well, they're probably two of the best workers in TNA right now.
After the match, Callis comes out and says that if the decision stands, then
he quits forever. Watts says that if the decision IS overturned, then HE
quits. Well...if the decision is overturned, then Watts is forced to resign,
so quitting wouldn't matter. But alas, logic isn't used as much in TNA as
you'd think, so it's cool.
Okay, here's my overall rundown of the show. In the TSM TNA forum, I said
that the show would be painful to review. And you know what? I'm eating my
words. I really, honestly enjoyed this show. The booking of the main event
had me excited, and the X-Division Triple Threat was a very, VERY nice
match. I didn't actually have a problem with anything besides Sandman
sucking, and the fact that Elix was basically squashed by Shane Douglas
(although the full-nelson submission was SICK, and I think Shane isn't too
bad a worker when doing technical wrestling, which he rarely does). The
finish to the main was a little questionable, as there was no winner in the
end (since Callis wants the decision overturned when the rematch was
WRONGFULLY restarted, mind you; there was interference and cheating in other
matches, but the matches weren't restarted), but the work wasn't too bad.
Overall, I give the show a 7.5/10, which is about a C.
-Corey Lazarus
(feedback me)
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