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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/26/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Feb 26, 2004, 21:30
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/26/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
E-Mail of the Week: I haven't heard from Scroby much lately, but he chimed in about the current WWE Title situation.
Nice rip on HBK there..very well placed. I think Smackdown needed another top heel, the only two are Lesnar and Big show actually three if you really wanna count Chavo jr not senior, so turning Angle heel like that sorta fits in nicely and sorta hypes up the WM main event just a little bit more. Yeah a friend vs friend rivalry would be nice, but we sorta already have the face vs face vs heel with Beniot, HBK, and HHH, so just having the Heel vs Face match is good for a title at wrestlemania because if you look at last years main event it came out Neutral on Angles part vs Face because people realized what he was doing for the main event and cheered him for it. Besides that even through Eddie is the most over guy in WWE unless Bret Hart came strolling in, this makes Angle the new most hated guy on Smackdown, and tonight helped estblish that real soon
Eh, I can see that to some extent Scroby, but I still think it's going to take one hell of an explanation to hold water. The turn last week was very well done, but where do you go from here?
Forums Quote of the Week: "hail" bps21 gets the nod for the second straight week, as he chimed in about the preshow brawl with Teddy Hart and CM Punk at last night's NWATNA event.
We should take this account and turn it into play by play as done by all the commentators we have to listen too.
Tenay would talk about Jarrett half the time...and West would ask for replays.
The RoH guys would call all the moves...then we'll throw the word DANGEROUS in somewhere. Perhaps when Hart starts weeping...or pulls the hair.
JR/King writes itself...and includes no calling of action...or when calling a move always throw the word "modified" in front of it.
Cole can give away the result before the fight is over.
Quick Programming Note: I recently conducted a second interview with Ohio independent wrestler "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb, which will be up at TSM sometime this weekend. Lieb did the entire interview in character, but it should still be an entertaining read. You can read the first one here to get yourself acquainted.
Also, I wouldn't expect my Raw recaps to be as timely as they have been the last few weeks, as I'll be at work until the show's already started for the next three weeks or so. All those months of never working past 5pm Mondays, and when I actually need that schedule they change it up on me. My fault for not telling them ahead of time, but really, I'm only doing Raw for a few more weeks anyway, so no biggie.
Tonight: Kurt Angle will explain exactly why he turned on Eddy Guerrero last week, plus we'll have a fatal four way match to determine Chavo Guerrero Jr.'s opponent at WrestleMania XX. Well, Heyman did say the Rey-Chavo match would take place this week if Chavo won last week, and Chavo didn't win, but the bait-and-switch might still piss people off if they weren't paying attention.
Segment 1
My Olympic Hero stares into the camera, and he's been asked "Why, Kurt, why?" Jealousy? Revenge? For the WWE Championship? Tonight, he'll tell us the truth. "Are you ready for the truth?"
Taped 2/24/2004 from the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri! Michael Cole and Tazz to bring you all the action! Tonight, we relive the announcement of those interpromotional matches for WrestleMania! Plus. Eddy Guerrero and John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. and The Big Show.
Sudden Death Fatal Four Way Match scheduled for one fall for a shot at the WWE Cruiserweight Championship at WrestleMania XX: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Jamie By God Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Billy Kidman
The first pinfall earns the title shot, and Noble attacks Rey before Kidman can even reach the ring. Noble and Kidman work over each other until Mysterio flies and takes Noble down. Nunzio knocks Rey down as Noble works on Kidman. Noble and Kidman go over the top rope. Nunzio counters a bulldog with a modified inverted power bomb...
And we cut backstage to see Eddy Guerrero storm into the locker room and inform Paul E. Heyman that Angle and anybody else who may have been involved last week is getting their ass kicked. Eddy asks Heyman flat out if Chavo Sr. was really jumped last week. Oliver Stone would be proud. Heyman tells Eddy to act like a professional, but he doesn't answer to Eddy -- Eddy answers to him. Heyman then turns to Tajiri Yoshihiro, Sakoda, and Akio to discuss business.
Finally back to the ring, and Noble gets a two count off of Noble. Rey flies over the top onto Nunzio, and Noble flies onto Mysterio. Kidman flies on top of Noble to send all four to the floor. Kidman rolls Noble back in and covers for 2. Enzuigiri, and Kidman sets Noble up for the Shooting Star Press...and Nunzio follows him up top. They fall onto the top rope as Rey reenters the ring and focuses on Noble. Rey and Noble clothesline each other...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Wow, that is completely messed up. Showing a backstage segment in the middle of the match...AND cutting to a commercial break during the same match? I feel like I'm watching WCW Monday Nitro circa 1995 and 1996 all over again. The match is good so far, the backstage segment was fine, and I do like the sense of anything can happen at anytime, but can't we interrupt bad matches for a change?
Segment 2
Noble whips Rey into the ropes but gets taken down with a flying headscissors. Into the ropes, but a Kidman dropkick prevents the 619 to Noble and gives Kidman a near fall. Kidman counters Noble's tornado DDT, but Noble locks in the inverted dragon sleeper. Nunzio breaks it with a dropkick and covers, and Rey makes the save. Rey with a springboard bodypress to Nunzio for 2. Hell, I can't keep up with it all. Kidman places Rey on the top turnbuckle and pounds away at him. Rey knocks him off the top with a punch and hits a moonsault bodyblock, forcing Noble to make the save. Bulldog by Rey, and Kidman makes the save. Rey counters Kidman's slam into a DDT, and Noble makes the save. Rey gets knocked to the floor, and Noble takes Nunzio down with a waistlock suplex for 2. Kidman backdrops Noble over the top rope. Rey dropkicks Nunzio into Kidman, who falls to the floor. 619, but before he can springboard in, out comes Heyman (with Tajiri and company) to cancel the match after 12:42. ***1/4 Apparently there's no Japanese representation in this match, and to prevent a racial discrimination lawsuit, Chavo Jr. will not defend the cruiserweight title against anybody in the ring. Instead, WrestleMania will see the first ever Cruiserweight Open where any cruiserweight is eligible to compete. And the winner of that elimination match is the Cruiserweight Champion. Akio and Sakoda charge the ring, and Rey dives onto Tajiri.
Your host discuss the latest announcement, but now it's time to rehash Angle turning on Eddy Guerrero. Angle will explain his actions later tonight.
And still to come, Eddy and Cena vs. Chavo Jr. and Big Show.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Forget psychology, it was a spotfest and one that was fun as hell. My biggest argument was with the execution of the entire setup. We interrupted the match twice, and they still couldn't be decent enough to actually give us a finish to the damned thing. I have a big problem with that, even with the seeds being planted with the first interruption. I mean, if we assume we saw that in real time, why not give the match two more minutes and call it a 15-minute time limit draw? That justifies the non-finish and the fans feel less cheated. The cruiserweight open will be fun as hell and allow for lots of people to make the show that normally wouldn't, but is there really a reason to care when they don't feel the need to establish legitimate contenders for the title?
Segment 3
Non-Title Match scheduled for one fall: Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs. The APA
Face team vs. face team? Interesting. I love how we're supposed to forget that Scotty and Rikishi actually held tag team gold with different partners because they've always teamed together, wink wink nudge nudge say no more. Faarooq and Scotty start. Faarooq gains the advantage with the knee, but Scotty takes Faarooq down with a dropkick. Then he moonwalks. That is sooooo 1987. They give each other props, but Faarooq levels Scotty with a right hand. Tag to Bradshaw, and a double shoulderblock. Bradshaw covers for 2. Delayed back suplex for 2. Scotty with an uppercut and some chops. Blind tag to Rikishi. Bradshaw takes Scotty down with Last Call, but Rikishi's legal, and he takes Bradshaw down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Hard chops by Rikishi! Rikishi runs into an elbow, and Bradshaw takes Rikishi down with a flying shoulderblock. Rikishi counters a power bomb with a backdrop, but Bradshaw avoids a sitdown splash. Chops by Bradshaw. Whip, reversal, headbutt, and Bradshaw's down in the corner...and Faarooq's clothesline prevents the Stink Face. Rikishi's only temporarily stunned, and he works over both opponents until The Basham Brothers come to ringside. The distraction allows Bradshaw to hit Rikishi with the Clothesline from Hell for the pin at 4:47. 3/4*
Up next, we'll speak to Brock Lesnar.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, you had two face teams out there so there was no face-in-peril. And thank God for that. The win should put the APA in line for a title shot, but it's looking like we're getting another three way match set up. The three way would have to be better than another straight-up rematch...right?
Segment 4
From the Kemper Arena in Kansas City. And this past Monday in Omaha, Mr. McMahon announced some interpromtional matches for WrestleMania, including Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg with special referee Steve Austin, albeit reluctantly. That led to Brock Lesnar hitting an F5 to Austin. I still don't get why they'd make a big deal about an announcement that wouldn't have been an announcement at all without Austin's help.
Josh Mathews asks King Brock I why he gave the F5 to Austin. Last week, Brock begged for that match and was granted that wish, but see, had Austin not given Goldberg the ticket to No Way Out, Lesnar would still be champion. Mathews tries to ask if Brock's concerned he'll get screwed over now, but Lesnar interrupts the question and says all he cares about is making Goldberg feel pain...and Austin too, should he get involved.
Brock meets Billy Gunn later tonight. That'll improve the ratings.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
The most important part of this segment was Brock Lesnar giving his reasons for F5ing Austin, and the reason makes perfect sense on the surface. But since it was Austin who talked Vince McMahon into signing the match with Goldberg in the first place, shouldn't that have given Austin a free pass? Apparently not in the mind of a paranoid heel. Yeah, maybe I'm overanalyzing a bit, but if the creative team asked questions like this there'd be a lot less bitching on all sides.
Segment 5
Seventeen days until WrestleMania XX!
Eddy Guerrero makes his way to the ring with the solo remix of the "Lie Cheat and Steal" theme music. Sign in crowd: "He lies, he cheats, he's champ". And Eddy's got the stick, which is enough for a huge "Eddy" chant. Eddy became WWE Champion on February 15, which makes 11 days so far. Nobody told me there'd be math on this episode of SmackDown. It's weird to have his friends ask him how long he's going to hold the title. And he doesn't know. He just appreciates each day as WWE Champion. Another "Eddy" chant. If he's got 11 days, maybe he can top two years, much like he has with his recovery. His recovery took one day at a time, the same formula Eddy will take with the title. The same formula he'll take with his responsibilities...and part of that is being a man and defending himself. Eddy angrily calls out Kurt Angle, but Angle makes him wait. Eddy decides he doesn't want to wait to get jumped from behind. "I'm going to take the fight to you." He storms into the locker room, and Heyman begs Eddy not to throw it all away after just 11 days. Heyman asks for the police to be called. Eddy sees Angle and charges, shoving Heyman into Dawn Marie...who falls into the wall and is down! Heyman is livid ("What the hell kind of champion are you? What did you do?") and has Eddy escorted from the building.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Um...what the hell? Not only was the promo not Eddy's usual goodness (mostly because now that he has the title, talking about his recovery is quickly becoming overkill), but I have no idea what the hell the point of that was supposed to be. That Eddy's mentally unstable? That Dawn Marie is a dumb bitch for getting that close to a hostile situation? That Angle's afraid to take on Eddy face-to-face? The point of that one escapes me, but I'm willing to listen to any working theories you guys might have.
Segment 6
Moments ago, Eddy was escorted from the building.
One fall: Billy Gunn vs. King Brock I
Please, God, let this be short. Lockup, stalemate, "Goldberg" chant. "You tapped out" chant. Brock begins to pound away at Gunn's midsection. Overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Brock misses a shoulderblock in the corner, and Gunn begins to work on the arm. Brock goes back to the midsection. Cross armbreaker by Gunn, and Lesnar reaches the ropes. Gunn with an armbar. Whip, charge, but Brock low bridges Gunn to send him over the top rope. Brock out after him, and Gunn reverses a whip into the ringpost. Back in, and Gunn covers for 2. Gunn charges but runs into a knee to the midsection. Spinebuster slam by Lesnar for 2. Is it time to go home yet? Boot choke, but Gunn kicks Brock away. Brock reverses a whip and powerslams Gunn for a near fall. Bodyscissors. Remember what I said earlier about interrupting bad matches? Well, this would be a great time for a commercial break. Now the hold is more of a reverse bearhug. Gunn elbows out. Right hands, but Brock with a release German suplex to stop any alleged momentum. Waistlock by Brock, and the crowd is booing just to keep from falling asleep. Gunn eventually uses leverage to send Lesnar face first into the turnbuckle. A couple of clotheslines, and an Ace crusher for a near fall. Corner whip, but Gunn hits nothing but turnbuckle on an avalanche attempt. Brock gets the F5 for the pin to put us out of our misery after 8:20. 1/2* since the psychology was pretty sound, but my God that was boring.
We're supposed to have a tag team main event tonight, but with Eddy out of the building, does John Cena have a partner?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Don't get me wrong. There was some solid psychology there with Brock working the ribs in order to keep Gunn from breathing properly, and with Gunn working the arm in an attempt to prevent the suplexes and the F5. But that match was just so boring. Did anybody seriously think Gunn had a snowball's chance in hell of actually winning that match? Then why give it eight minutes when even the densest person probably saw it as nothing but filler.
Segment 7
Mr. McMahon was busy on Monday, announcing three interpromotional matches for WrestleMania. It's apparently the first time we've had interpromotional matches since the brand split, ignoring Billy and Chuck vs. Rosey and Jamal at Unforgiven 2002.
And here come Torrie Wilson and No Longer Able Sable in evening gowns to hype their Playboy Evening Gown Match at WrestleMania. Torrie says the fans are the reason they made the cover of Playboy again. So now they have a "match" at WrestleMania. Torrie and Sable work very well together, and they're excited to get their hands on the Raw divas. Stacy and Jackie are just jealous and they just aren't classy enough. Um...I personally think Stacy's hotter now than Sable ever was, but that's just me. Out comes John Cena to hopefully stop the boredom. Anyway, Cena likes Sable and Torrie better naked, and he's apparently done a lot of masturbating to that magazine. That's what he said. Out comes Rey Misterio Jr....apparently to team with Cena for the main event.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
OK, they're willing to get naked for a cheap buck, we get it. What I don't get is how everybody and their dog thought the Miller Lite Catfight Girls bit at last year's WrestleMania was a bad idea even after it had taken place, and yet Vince McMahon still didn't learn his lesson and insists on having another T & A segment at WrestleMania. You want a T & A segment at WrestleMania, Vince? Have the Rockettes dance before the main event. At least then you can say you're paying homage to the first WrestleMania, even if it is completely pointless filler.
Segment 8
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: John Cena and Rey Misterio Jr. (substituting for Eddy Guerrero) vs. The Too Damn Big Show (WWE United States Champion) and Chavito Guerrero (WWE Cruiserweight Champion--w/Chavo Guerrero Sr.)
Hey, the sign guy from Confidential conveniently got front row seats! Rey and Chavo start. Chain wrestling sequence to start. Rey with a rana. Whip, reversal, wheelbarrow power bomb (for lack of a better name). Tag to Show, who tosses Rey into the corner. Slap to the chest. Show stands on Rey's chest. Beell. Tag to Chavito, who kicks away at Rey. Back suplex for 2. Tag to Show as the heels try to work on Rey's knee and the crowd tries to chant Cena into the ring. Tag to Chavo. Rey tries to fight back, and he takes Chavo down with the bulldog. Tag to Cena, and he hits Chavo with a series of clotheslines. Backdrop. Cena pumps up the shoes and comes off the top with a flying axhandle. Chavo Sr. distracts Cena, but it backfires. Cena goes to FU Chavo Jr, but Show kicks him in the face. Show drags Chavo to the corner and tags himself in.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
So far you have Big Show's size being the key factor, as he's been the difference in a match involving three smaller men. They forgot about working Rey's leg almosr as soon as it became the strategy, and there's been no mention of Cena's injured knee either thus far.
Segment 9
Show drops an elbow onto Cena's knee. There you go. Cena tries to fight back but runs into a big boot for a near fall. Slap to the chest. Tag to Chavo. European uppercut. Cena again fighting back, but Chavo knocks him down with a series of forearms and punches. Dragging Cena to the corner by the injured knee, and he tags Show in. "Chavo sucks" chants as Show pounds away on Cena. Slap to the chest. "Cena" chant. Boot to the face by Cena, and Cena hops onto his back and locks in a sleeperhold. Show simply snap mares him off. Cena is able to tag in Rey, who comes in and tries to take Show's legs out from under him. Springboard seated senton to finally knock Show down and earn a two count. Chavo tags himself in and goes into the rolling vertical suplexes. Up top, but Chavo misses a frog splash. Rollup by Rey forces Show to make the save. Cena knocks Show out of the ring, and Show regains the advantage on the floor...but misses a charge and tumbles into the crowd. In the ring, Rey hits a flying headscissors into the middle rope, then gets the 619 for the pin at 14:19. Started off slowly but picked up near the end. ** Chavo Sr. attacks Rey from behind, but Cena takes Chavo Sr. down with the FU. In comes Show to clothesline Cena, then he choke slams Rey for good measure. And then a choke slam for Cena. Cue his music.
Let's replay Angle's promo that opened the show. The explanation is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
If they could have ever figured out what type of psychology they were actually going for, it could have been a better match. In the end, Rey pins Chavo to establish himself as capable of beating Chavo for the cruiserweight title...which doesn't matter with however many other people in the cruiserweight title match at WrestleMania XX. They probably would have been better served by establishing that Cena can beat Big Show. Since the previous matches between the two were basically never mentioned, they seem very intent on treating this like a separate feud from the one following Survivor Series.
Segment 10
Kurt Angle has made his way to the ring for his explanation, and the crowd has apparently forgotten how to chant "You suck" to the music. They do boo though. Why did he attack Eddy Guerrero last week on SmackDown? He attacked Eddy Guerrero "because it was the right thing to do". It wasn't for him...it was for the fans. For America. See, Guerrero's a former drug addict. "He tells children that it's cool to lie, cheat, and steal." That draws an "Eddy" chant. But it's not cool, because America was built on morals and character, and we need to go back to that. When did Kurt Angle join the FCC? We have the freedom of choice, and we need to make those choices with a clear conscience. And Angle doesn't think Eddy's conscience is clear. It's only a matter of time before Eddy falls off the wagon again, just like all drug addicts do. And drug addicts shouldn't represent the WWE as champion. So Angle can't allow Eddy to represent WWE. It hurt him to attack Eddy. He prayed over it. "I made a deal with the devil, with Paul Heyman, with Chavo, with Chavo Sr., but it was the right thing to do." And he understands that people will hold him under scrutiny, but he'll make this world a better place. Just like the American heroes who were first criticized but later revered, "one day you will thank me for the role model that I am." And out comes Eddy to attack Angle. Tazz: "Where the hell did he come from?" Heyman immediately comes out with cops and orders Eddy arrested for his actions tonight. "Your family might tolerate you assaulting a woman, but I will not tolerate you assaulting a woman and assaulting Kurt Angle on Paul Heyman's SmackDown!" Apparently spending the night in jail will teach him how to be a champion. The cops escort Eddy right past Angle, who taunts Eddy through the curtain and all the way to the police car, calling him an embarassment to the title.
END OF SHOW
Would it really kill them to...I don't know...explain how the hell people can get back into the building when they've been thrown out once already? First Goldberg at No Way Out, and now Eddy Guerrero at SmackDown. Anyway, give them credit for keeping a serious edge to the feud thus far. And Angle's explanation was basically what most people figured on...that he couldn't tolerate someone with Eddy's background being champion. Which makes the obvious question this: Why didn't he just screw Eddy out of the title last week when he had the chance? He'd still get the shot at WrestleMania anyway. And they apparently glossed over the admission that everybody involved in last week's match was, in fact, in on the whole thing.
Overall, a kickass opener, a decent main event, but mostly filler disguised as WrestleMania buildup. Hey, I'm all for using these shows to build up WrestleMania, but the idea behind that is to make me feel like the show is worth my money. Right now, I'm not getting the sense that this show is going to be worth my money. It just seems forced for some reason, like "It's WrestleMania, so what more do you need?"
At this pace, the Road to WrestleMania is going to be under construction until you get fed up and create your own detour.
Send me some feedback or check out the archives.
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