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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (3/18/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Mar 18, 2004, 21:32
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (3/18/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
E-Mail of the Week: SuperBeast3176 echoes some of the same sentiments I did about the forthcoming draft lottery.
Jhawk, I don't know about you but i think the new Draft Lottery isn't such a good idea. There are a lot of problems that could come out of this. For Example What of Booker T and Rob Van Dam get drafted to different shows Same with Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty? What happens to the Tag titles for both shows.
Plus remember what happened last draft. If it's repeated Both world champs will be on one show because Benoit and Latino Heat were both drafted to the same show last time. Plus Triple H is talking about wanting a piece of Benoit yet may not even be on the same show. One plus could be no more Evolution I don't know about you Hawk but that wouldn't break my heart one bit. Speaking of HHH, what was his gripe the other night? I could see if Benoit would have made Michaels tap then ok he'd have a legit beef but he was the one who got punked out. Then the Mick Foley/ Randy Orton feud could be out the window as well if both wind up on both shows? Plus does this also mean The General managers could be switching shows as well? Plus How about The Rock or Austin? Austin is the sherriff of Raw and Rock isn't around all that much. I hope they correct some of these potential problems because those who fail to learn from History are doomed to repeat it.
While on the subject of e-mails, a special thank you to all of you who mentioned that Chris Benoit is apparently supposed to be billed as from Atlanta, as I didn't actually hear Howard Finkel's ring introduction for him on Sunday. It makes no sense to me, but whatever.
And while I'm correcting errors, I did hear rewatching WrestleMania XX on tape that apparently Mick Foley's youngest son is actually named Huey, so Randy Orton was correct in his promo Monday night. Now I know Foley's a Disney nut, but if he has another son and names him Louie...
Forums Quote of the Week: Rather than limit it to one specific quote this week, I'm simply going to point out the Lack of Common Sense thread. I saw a couple of great candidates there and couldn't make up my mind, so the entire thread gets it.
Tonight: Four days away from the draft lottery and no matches officially announced, so it probably means nothing. The Undertaker will probably be on the show someplace, we'll have some WrestleMania fallout, and Tazz will make fun of Michael Cole every time he says something stupid.
Segment 1
Please welcome the new United States Champion, John Cena, as we're taped 3/16/2004 from Boston's FleetCenter! He's home, as he lives in near West Newbury. He used to buy tickets for the old Boston Garden, but could only afford to sit behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotsta kick it off real. I'm hoping for a "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" moment. Anyway, Cena beat Show for the title at WrestleMania XX, so now he brings titles home like Tom Brady. But some think Cena disgraces the title because he's more controversial than gay marriages. "Michael Cole, we're still cool, right?" And he insults the Yankees for a cheap pop and an Anglesault conniption fit.
One fall for the WWE United States Championship: John Cena (champion) vs. ...
Well, let's hold on a second, because Paul E. Heyman has an announcement. He acknowledges Brock Lesnar's departure from WWE. But that's good news for John Cena, because with Brock gone, there's opportunity. So Cena could be the new face of SmackDown. But this Monday on Raw, every ungrateful member of the SmackDown roster is up for grabs. Apparently they're drawing names out of a hopper to determine who goes where, and Heyman says flat out that anybody currently on the roster had better pray they end up on Raw so they don't incur Heyman's wrath. Heyman got stunned by Austin because of the roster bailing on him, and he wants the entire roster gone. He calls Cena a piece of crap, so Cena punches Heyman out until his opponent makes the save.
One fall for the WWE United States Championship: John Cena (champion) vs. The Man Beast Rhyno
Rhyno with a spinebuster for 2. A series of headbutts. Cena comes back with forearms, but runs into an elbow. Stomps. Cena punches Rhyno and catches Rhyno with an elbow. Clothesline. Modified blue thunder driver, then he pumps up the shoes and drops the fist. F-U, pin at 2:15. 1/4* I think Cena's rap went longer than that.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, it's certainly a good way to pump up the crowd for the remainder of the show, but several things make no sense in this segment. First off, why did Rhyno get the title shot when Cena beat Rhyno is almost an identical match last week? And second, why is Heyman under the impression that he'll be allowed to do whatever to the SmackDown roster after next week? Didn't Vince say on Monday that he wasn't happy with the GMs playing favorites? The lottery hasn't even happened yet, and already it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Segment 2
Moments ago...eh, you saw it already.
Heyman is backstage and incredulous, and he bumps into The APA, who start laughing at him. Heyman didn't think it was funny when the APA let Austin walk to the ring. He gives them a shot at the WWE Tag Team Titles, and they'd better win, because if they don't, they're fired. Um...what about the draft...ah, forget it.
One fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty (champions) vs. The APA
Didn't this suck a week or two ago? Scotty and Bradshaw start. Rikishi tags in before contact is made, and they stare each other down. Headbutt by Rikishi after some chops by Bradshaw. Chops by Rikishi. Tag to Scotty. And he uses punches and chops. Flying bodypress, but Bradshaw catches him and hits Last Call for 2. Faarooq tagged in, and he pounds away at Scotty. Backbreaker for 2. Tag to Bradshaw, who gets a shoulderblock for 2. Shots to the ribs. Torture rack. A new move for Bradshaw! Scotty makes his way out of it, but he eats a boot and an elbowdrop for 2. Tag to Faarooq. Reverse chinlock. Faarooq sits down on Scotty's back, but does it one too many times and gets Scotty's knees to the crotch. Faarooq is able to tag out, and Bradshaw keeps Scotty in the ring. Chops and punches with Scotty on the turnbuckle, but Scotty is able to get a tornado DDT in. Hot tag to Rikishi, and Rikishi pounds away. Clothesline. And one for an illegally coming in Faarooq. Scotty in illegally with a bulldog for Bradshaw. Faarooq stops the Worm, and Rikishi splashes him in the corner. Bradshaw misses the Clothesline from Hell and eats a superkick for the pin at 6:20. The APA is fired...for a few days, anyway. Actually not bad considering who was out there. *
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And once again, this makes absolutely no sense. I'm making the assumption that Heyman's firing is only for SmackDown and not for the entire WWE, which would make the APA eligible for the draft lottery...which would mean they could be back on SmackDown next week. It's like the writers had already written the show before they actually decided to do the draft lottery and just wrote in the occasional mention of it for the sake of "continuity".
Segment 3
The APA storms into Heyman's office begging to hear they're fired...but he didn't say he was firing the APA. He said he was firing Faarooq. Bradshaw is the financial wizard with a lot on the line, so how much longer was he willing to carry Faarooq around, anyway? Faarooq says "Let's go", but Bradshaw holds up. Faarooq: "Well, I'll be damned. After all these years." Well, that actually does make more sense since Faarooq's been rumored to retire anyway.
Michael Cole and Tazz discuss things, specifically the draft lottery.
Dawn Marie has The World's Greatest Tag Team, Billy Gunn, and Rey Misterio Jr.. Last week the locker room was united...against Heyman. So tonight, it's divide and conquer. Heyman has no power over the lottery, but tonight he has all the power. We're running the gauntlet, and the winner gets a shot at Eddy Guerrero's title tonight. Shelton Benjamin says there's no divide and conquer between the World's Greatest Tag Team, and Heyman tells him he's starting the gauntlet...and his first opponent is Charlie Haas.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And once again, things make no sense...as Eric Bischoff wasn't allowed to sign a World Title match but Paul Heyman is. I guess that's because Vince has already made the announcement or something. Still, this gauntlet thing could kick ass unless Billy Gunn wrestles like six men or something.
Segment 4
It's snowing in Boston...well, at least it was on Tuesday.
WrestleMania XX highlight package.
Top Contenders Gauntlet Match #1: Shelton Benjamin vs. Charlie Haas
Handshake. Chain wrestling sequence. Benjamin with a hammerlock. Fireman's carry and an armbar by Haas. Top wristlock. Armbar. Go-behind by Benjamin. Armdrag takedown and a headlock. Headscissors by Haas. Nip up by Benjamin, and he rubs Haas' head. Haas with a top wristlock. Reversal into a hammerlock, and Haas reverses into a leg hammerlock. Benjamin with a reverse chinlock. Side headlock. Haas breaks with an arm wringer, then back to the top wristlock. Armdrag by Benjamin. Benjamin toys with Haas, Haas charges, and Benjamin to the floor for a Tastykake break. Back in. Legtrip by Haas into a front facelock. Benjamin tries to break, and does on the third attempt, into a cover for 2. Benjamin again toys with Haas and runs, and Haas is PISSED! Back in. Go-behind by Benjamin, and Haas decides to try to brawl his way into the advantage. Clothesline. Backdrop. Back suplex for 2. Standing dropkick. German suplex (with a bridge!) for 2. Benjamin goes for a superkick but is blocked, but he turns it into the Dragon Whip for the pin at 6:06. A bit short considering all the awesome mat wrestling implying a longer match, but I loved it while it lasted! ** We get a postmatch handshake.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Awesome. Just six minutes of great technical wrestling. I'm a bit disappointed with the brevity of the match, although it is a necessary evil given the gauntlet format. But as soon as tempers began to flare to put over the importance of the match, it was over.
Segment 5
Thank you for watching WrestleMania. We are now kissing your ass.
Backstage, Bradshaw tries to make Faarooq understand that he can't just walk away from wrestling because Faarooq said something stupid. "Can't we still be friends, at least?" If you guys make up, are you going to make out in the back seat or something?
Gauntlet Match #2: Shelton Benjamin vs. Billy Gunn
Benjamin attacks before the bell. Choke against the ropes. Boot choke. Gunn fights back with a series of punches. Benjamin with a clothesline. Out to the floor, and Benjamin continues the onslaught. Gunn reverses a whip into the guardrail, then goes in and out to break the count. Why he didn't stay in and take the countout win, I'll never know. Back in. Gunn with punches. Benjamin with a powerslam for 2. Chinlock. Top wristlock with a reverse chinlock. Then he adds a bodyscissors. Gunn gets out of the bodyscissors, then elbows out of the chinlock, but he runs into an elbow for 2. Hair pull by Benjamin and an elbow. Knee to the head. Chinlock. Gunn breaks with a jawbreaker. Benjamin with a corner whip, but he runs into a boot. Ace crusher by Gunn. Gunn keeps the advantage and gets a tilt-a-whirl slam for 2. Splash in the corner. Fameasser misses, and Benjamin gets a roll up (with the ropes for leverage) to get the pin at 6:05. I don't know if the drop-off in quality was because Benjamin's getting tired or because Gunn sucks as a singles wrestler. Probably a bit of both. *1/4 And out comes The Too Damn Big Show...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
So Cole's throwing a hissy fit because Big Show's coming out here to apparently run the gauntlet and wasn't scheduled to. See, Cole was under the impression that only the four who were in the bit we saw were in it, even though Heyman clearly implied there'd be more than four men involved. *sigh* Pay attention to your own product.
Segment 6
We've missed part of a Big Show promo, as he's bitching about how he lost the US Title thanks to some brass knuckles. So he's talked to Heyman about the Austin thing and the title loss, and they're cool, so Big Show is in the gauntlet...as the final competitor.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Like I couldn't figure out that he was going to be part of this gauntlet by the mere fact that he came out to the ring in his gear. At least it gives Benjamin a couple of minutes to rest before his next match.
Segment 7
WrestleMania 21 will be in Los Angeles.
Gauntlet Match #3: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Misterio Jr.
Chain wrestling sequence to start. Benjamin starts the brawling early. Rey with a boot to the face and a satellite headscissors. Flying sunset flip for 2. Rey gets caught on a crucifix and gets taken down with an Exploder suplex for 2. Benjamin with a back suplex for 2. Kneedrops to the shoulder. And the left shoulder is the focus of Benjamin's attack. Hard corner whip after a series of blows in the other corner. Cross armbreaker. Rey breaks, but Benjamin keeps hold of an armbar, then a wristlock. Rey with forearms, then springboarding into a bulldog for 2. Rey runs into a powerslam for 2. Series of elbows by Rey, then a rana into the middle rope. 6-1-9, springboard legdrop, pin at 4:59. Good stuff there, but again too short to be better than *3/4. Big Show smiles from backstage...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Pretty solid psychology with Benjamin working the arm...except you should probably work on the legs of a high flyer to keep him grounded. Still some really good stuff here, and Benjamin showed tonight that if he gets the proper push, he should be a pretty major star in the not-too-distant future.
Segment 8
Footage of the Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
Gauntlet Match #4 with the winner getting a WWE Title shot: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. The Too Damn Big Show
Rey rolls to the floor before the bell. Rey tries to run as much as possible. Show almost catches him. He finally does catch Rey and Beells him across the ring. Chops. Boot choke. Show goes for a choke slam, but Rey thumbs him in the eye and drapes his throat over the top rope. Springboard dropkick only staggers him, and Rey runs into a big boot for 2. Stomp to the ribs. And he tosses Rey across the ring like a sack of garbage to the curb. Legdrop for 2. Standing on the back. And out of the ring goes Rey. Rey barely gets back in and gets a slap to the chest for his trouble. Boot choke. Gorilla press, and out comes John Cena for the distraction. Cena shows the belt, and Show comes out after him...and gets hit with a 6-1-9 while standing on the floor. Cena hits Show with the US title belt, and that's enough to give Rey the countout win at 5:31. The right guy went over as far as getting the best main event out of this show, but this finish pisses me off. 1/2*
COMMERCIAL BREAK
OK, would you all please explain to me why in the hell Cena's the face in this entire ordeal? "Hey, I'm going to cheap shot you from behind, cheer me." I mean, it's one thing for Eddy to cheat to win because he acknowledges he does it. Heelish, but honest, so OK, I can buy that. Cena basically calls Show a punkass bitch in the opening segment, then costs him a match for no apparent reason other than he can, and he's the number two face on the show. And Cena will probably use some excuse to justify it like "He's fat and can't get laid, so he should lose." Granted, I'm glad it's Rey getting the shot, but couldn't the distraction have caused the countout rather than the belt shot? Rey wins, Cena doesn't come off as a cheap shot artist, and Show looks just as stupid as he did by getting distracted in the first place. Everybody wins.
Segment 9
Moments ago, John Cena screwed The Big Show over despite the fact that he's won the feud twice already.
One fall for the WWE Championship: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Eddy Guerrero (champion)
Handshake. Eddy with a side headlock. Rey with an armdrag takedown. Headlock takedown by Eddy for 2. Eddy holds the headlock. Rey counters with a wristlock. Back heel trip by Eddy and into a headlock for a count of 1. Rey with forearms to the midsection, and he gets a huracanrana for 2. Flying headscissors, and Eddy rolls to the floor. Rey pantomimes that he's winning the belt. Tempers begin to flare with some slaps, and the pace begins to pick up. Eddy sends Rey into the turnbuckle and gets a hammerlock, then uses his legs to fall back into an armsnap. Armbar. Rey reaches the ropes for the break. Eddy quickly goes back to the left arm that Benjamin worked over earlier. Fujiwara armbar. Hammerlock, and Rey breaks with a snap mare. Monkey flip. Rey lands on the apron after a backdrop and slingshots Eddy over the top rope. Beautiful springboard moonsault.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Now, the arm work makes sense in this match, as Shelton Benjamin worked it over earlier tonight and Eddy's taking advantage of it. But that moonsault right before the break is a good example of why you should work on the legs of a high flyer rather than the arm.
Segment 10
Eddy with a top-rope superplex. Delayed cover for 2. Eddy tosses Rey to the outside. Back into the ring. and Eddy with a forearm. Back to the armbar. Rey with forearms, but he runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Into the hammerlock, but Rey fights it so Eddy has to try it three times to get it hooked. Then into the old school flying hammerlock. Rey eventually turns it into a small package for 2, but Eddy clotheslines him down. And back to the hammerlock, adding a headstand and then a bridge for leverage. Rey refuses to tap, and Eddy releases the hold. Eddy simply stomps away at the arm repeatedly and covers for 2. Top wristlock. Rey forearms out of it and gets a form of a DDT in for 2. Springboard sitdown press for 2. Eddy catches Rey on a Asai moonsault attempt, but Rey counters it into a swinging DDT for 2. Eddy with a corner whip, but he walks into an elbow. A series of counters leads into Eddy's rolling vertical suplexes. Rey counters the third one into a rolling cradle for 2. Eddy with a snap suplex, and he's feeling froggy. Rey rolls away from the frog splash. Dropkick to the back sends Eddy into the ropes. 6-1-9. Springboard legdrop misses, and Eddy gets in a magistral cradle for the pin at 17:56. Awesome match, though not quite up to their Halloween Havoc 1997 masterpiece. **** But out comes Paul Heyman. Neither one of them is included in Heyman's vision of SmackDown, so he hopes they go to Raw and their families get deported. Of course, they're both American citizens so that isn't likely. Heyman's the only one guaranteed to be here next week, and nobody's going to stand in the way of Heyman's vision. Cue the gong, dim the lights, and you all know what that means. The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are here. Eddy and Rey actually hide behind Heyman. Then they shove Heyman into Taker, who gives him a Tombstone. Talk about having a bad night.
END OF SHOW
An excellent main event with an out-of-place postmatch bit just to give Taker some TV time. But there was some excellent stuff in that main event, complete with a clean finish. And Heyman's promo makes sense considering what happened last week, at least with the exception of Heyman's return next week NOT being guaranteed. Which might have been the purpose behind Taker giving him the Tombstone for all I know.
Overall, this was the best show that either brand has done in at least a month or two, which is amazing since I expected complete filer this close to the draft lottery. Every match meant something, be it a title match or to set up the main event. And several of the matches were certainly good or better, and that is always a plus.
Now how will things look after Monday night, because I'd much prefer them looking like this every week.
You know where to drop the feedback.
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