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TNA
SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (6/24/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Jun 24, 2004, 21:26
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (6/24/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
E-Mail of the Week: Ryan L makes his first contribution to this column with some thoughts.
Hey JHawk, I've been reading your reviews, Raw and SD, for the past many months. As a matter of fact, your reviews are the only reason I have a damn clue as to what's happening on SD, since I refuse to watch it nowadays. I can't understand what they're trying to accomplish with their booking or why they think I'd wanna watch this show. Would it be so hard for somebody to break down the roster, look at what they want in a division, and sort the roster out accordingly? Would it kill someone to do THIS?...
Main Event - Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, John Cena (Come on, the guy blows as a face, turn him heel and push him to the main event.
US Division - Rene Dupree, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Charlie Haas, Rico (Drop the lame ass gay gimmick though)
Cruiser Division - Funaki, Rey, Ultimo Dragon, Akio, London, every single other talented Cruiser going to waste on Velocity...
I did that in freakin 5 minutes. One of the "brilliant" and "busy" bookers on SD really can't be bothered to do something like this? Oh, right, that's planning ahead. Silly me! Preparation is for the competent. Anyway, I figured I'd vent and see if you opinions vary at all (I know some of the guys I listed in the divisions could be flipped and switched...). I will continue to miss SD and read your review along with the Royal Treatment, until you or Peter let me know when it'd be safe for my sanity to start watching again. Even if it stops sucking on levels unseen since Sid's last wrestling appearance, I'll still continue to read the SmartMark reviews of the shows. Thanks for your time.
I have a hard time disagreeing with any of that, really, although I will say that Bradshaw's current gimmick would be perfect fodder for the U.S. title division.
Forums Quote of the Week: Anglesault does it again, as while his blind Yankee love in the baseball folder can get annoying, every once in a while he comes up with a gem like this:
Anyone else not quite see the connection between watching the Expos and seeing a major league baseball game?
Tonight: What else will Paul Heyman do to show his power over The Undertaker? What will happen between Eddy Guerrero and Bradshaw? Rey Misterio Jr. will apparently defend the Cruiserweight Title at the Great American Bash, and his opponent will be named tonight. Rob Van Dam takes on Rene Dupree. And they had been announcing Rico and Charlie Haas against The Dudley Boyz in a rematch from last week, but with Rico's injuries, it's quite possible they'll ignore that one.
And you get a short version tonight, as the power went out literally two minutes before the show started, so I missed the first 45-50 minutes of this show. Here's what I missed by way of the spoilers:
John Cena asked The Undertaker for an apology and an explanation for attacking him last week and demanded to see him face-to-face. Kurt Angle came out and made Cena vs. Undertaker the main event for tonight.
Chavo Guerrero Jr. became the top contender to the cruiserweight title by winning a battle royal. Order of elimination: Spike Dudley, Nunzio, Paul London, Shannon Moore, Akio, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, Jamie Noble, and Billy Kidman. Chavo eliminated Kidman with a Gory bomb variation. Figures that they finally put London on SmackDown and there's a fucking power outage.
Bradshaw told Kurt Angle that Eddy should wrestle tonight, so Angle books Eddy vs. Luther Reigns.
Hardcore Holly and Mordecai brawled into the arena until they were broken up.
Billy Gunn defeated Kenzo Suzuki by disqualification when Suzuki's geisha girl threw ceremonial salt into Gunn's eyes.
Torrie Wilson had a catfight with Sable after the two exchanged insults.
Segment 5
Taped 6/22/2004 from the TD Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, Florida.
We take a look at the Eddy-Bradshaw feud, beginning with Judgment Day.
Eddy Guerrero low rides his way to the ring for action!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Um...yeah, that was the entire segment. Exciting, isn't it?
Segment 6
Non-Title Match scheduled for one fall: Eddy Guerrero (WWE Champion) vs. Luther Reigns (w/My Olympic Hero)
We'll be in Fayetteville next week for SmackDown. Lockup, and Luther pushes Eddy back into the corner. Clean break. Lockup, Eddy pushes Luther to the corner, and we get some shoving. Gorilla press by Luther. Reigns wants a test of strength, and Eddy keeps changing which hand he wants up. Some shots from Eddy, but he runs into a shoulderblock. Another charge, but Eddy knocks him down. Off the ropes...and Angle leaves the wheelchair to trip Eddy and give Reigns the advantage. Double underhook suplex, then a bearhug. Luther actually knows two or three wrestling moves. Eddy sunset flips out of it for 2, but Luther knocks him down with huge clothesline for 2. Waistlock. Eddy breaks with a jawbreaker. Forearms and punches by the champion, then into the rolling vertical suplexes. Luther blocks the third one with a knee and goes for one of his own, but Eddy lands behind him and shoves him into referee Jimmy Korderas. Luther uses his finisher from last week, and Angle hobbles in to play special referee but can only get 2. Luther grabs the title belt, but Eddy stops the shot with a low blow. Eddy grabs the belt, looks at Angle, but hits Luther with the belt. Eddy tosses it to Angle, who holds it as the referee wakes up...and the referee sends Angle out of the ring. Frog splash, but John Bradshaw Layfield (w/bullrope) inteferes for the disqualificaiton at 7:21. * Bradshaw chokes Eddy with the bullrope and tosses him over the top rope....then pulls him up and hangs him along the side of the ring. Eddy recovers and drapes Bradshaw's throat over the top rope for a clothesline, and he clotheslines Bradshaw with the bullrope and cowbell. A couple of shots with the bullrope, and Bradshaw rolls to the floor to taunt the champion.
Still to come, John Cena vs. The Undertaker.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Now was that really that hard? That little one minute brawl did more to set up the bullrope match for Sunday than pretty much everything they've done the last two months. You get just that little sample of what a bullrope match is all about so you're prepared for when you buy the PPV. Unfortunately, the match is still not likely to be very good at all with the touch all four corners stipulation, but this angle's a good start.
Segment 7
Moments ago, we had amazing bullrope action!
One fall: Rob.........Van.........Dam vs. Rene Dupree (w/Fifi the Bitch)
A mini-preview of Sunday night's United States Title match. Fifi is black this week. Booker T decides to join Michael Cole and Tazz at ringside. RVD with a headlock, countered by a headscissors from Dupree. Back to the headlock. Dupree with a knee to the midsection, then mocking the RVD thumb pointing. Hard kick to the head by RVD. RVD sends Dupree to the outside, then sending Dupree into the apron. Corkscrew legdrop across the guardrail. Back in, and RVD covers for 2. Dupree with the headlock, and a nice baseball slide. Swinging neckbreaker for 2. Backbreaker for 2. Reverse chinlock. RVD elbows out of it and rolls Dupree up for 2. Stepover spin kick. Spinning heel kick, followed by rolling thunder for 2. Facerake by Dupree, then a football tackle to the knee. Dupree takes the pad off the top turnbuckle, and RVD gets a small package as Nick Patrick tries unsuccessfully to fix it, so it only gets 2. Dupree with a roll up and a handful of tights for 2. RVD goes for a monkey flip, but he gets sent into the exposed turnbuckle, and that allows Dupree to get the pin in 4:50. *1/4 Postmatch, Dupree does the French Tickler in front of Booker T.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
What worked: plenty of attempts to win the match by both men, as it looked like the result of the match actually mattered to these guys. What didn't work: No real psychology at all, as they worked some mat wrestling early before degenerating into...well, I don't really want to call it a spotfest, but it was really a lot of unrelated moves being done in a row. Not bad or anything, but horribly disjointed.
Segment 8
Your hosts hype The Great American Bash this Sunday. The bullrope match for the WWE Title! The fatal four way for the United States Title! Torrie vs. Sable...because that didn't suck ass last year or anything! Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio for the Cruiserweight Title. And the concrete crypt match, which is apparently the true main event. That's only five matches, and I can't see that taking more than about an hour and a half of the total show. Anyway, let's go back and look at The Undertaker making his way to the ring for action.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Not much to say except this looks like the most empty pay-per-view lineup in a long time. Hell, Judgment Day might have been thrown together at the last minute, but at least it was thrown together. The title matches might be OK with the cruiserweight match having show stealing potential, but those other two matches can't be good. Can we get another cruiserweight battle royal added to the show or something?
Segment 9
Non-title contest scheduled for one fall: John Cena (WWE United States Champion) vs. The Undertaker
Knees to the midsection by Taker early. Right hands. Corner whip, but Cena coming back with an elbow. Cena actually gets the better of an exchange of punches, then a series of shoulderblocks. More right hands, but one chop to the throat stops the champion's momentum. Bodyslam. Cena avoids the elbowdrop and starts pounding away at Taker. Taker throws Cena out of the ring. Cena back to the apron, only to meet an elbow, and Taker suplexes Cena back into the ring and covers for 2. Old School for 2. Kick to the face. Clawhold. Cena with knees and elbows, but Taker rebounds off an Irish whip with a flying clothesline for 2. Taker signals for the finish, but Cena avoids a Tombstone and punches away. A kick just angers Taker, but Cena low bridges Taker to send him to the floor, then sends Taker into the apron.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Here's the odd thought of the day: The Undertaker is outwrestling John Cena, who apparently has forgotten every move except a punch and an elbow since last week's show.
Segment 10
Cena clotheslines Taker over the top rope and follows him to the floor. A clothesline sends Taker over the guardrail. In and out to break the count, but Taker grabs Cena by the throat and levels him with a knee to the midsection. Cena sends Taker into the steel steps, and it cuts his forearm open. Cena dives onto Taker, but Taker catches him and sends Cena into the ringpost. A legdrop by Taker with Cena's head hanging off the apron. Back into the ring (finally), and Taker covers for 2. You might have pinned him had you not wasted 45 minutes between the move and the cover. Armbar. Punches and knees by Taker. Cena punches back, but runs smack dab into an elbow for 2. Jabs. A right hand that misses by about three feet knocks Cena down. I mean, they changed the camera angle and you could still tell the punch missed. Taker places Cena on the top turnbuckle and superplexes Cena for 2. Reverse chinlock. Cena with some shots to Taker's leg and ribs, but one shot stops the comeback. Taker off the ropes, and he runs into a Cena spinebuster. They exchange punches, and Cena gets the advantage off it. Flying clothesline, followed by another clothesline for 2. Cena up top...flying axhandle! Throwback. Five Knuckle Shuffle for 2. Pump up the shoes, but Taker avoids the F-U and takes Cena down with the big boot. Legdrop for 2 as I pray there's only a 20-minute time limit. Cena avoids the F-U and ducks a clothesline, and since Brian Hebner is the referee, you know he took the clothesline instead. Something in the water in the Hebner household, I think. Taker goes for a choke slam, but Cena counters it into the F-U...and there's no referee to make the count. Cena charges, and this time he walks into the choke slam, but there's still no referee to count. Taker goes to the corner and grabs Cena's chain and wraps it around his fist...WHAMMO! Hebner is starting to wake up just in time to see Taker hit Cena with the Tombstone, and the Undertaker gets the pin at 22:16. A bit too long, and the wrong guy was busting out the actual wrestling, but at least it didn't completely suck. **1/2 And right on cue, Paul E. Heyman is out to hold up the urn so Taker can salute him.
END OF SHOW
I liked the Cena-Taker matches last summer a lot better overall from an in-ring standpoint, but had those matches gone like this one, they might have had that superstar in the making. Last year, Cena just pounded away at Taker but couldn't get the pin. This time, it was Cena who refused to be beat, and he actually would have had the pin if not for the sleeping referee. Of course, I'll get the e-mail saying Taker had too much offense, et cetera et cetera et cetera, and I'd agree, but at least Cena didn't completely look like Taker's bitch in the end.
Overall, I can only judge this show based on what I actually saw. And what I actually saw were some unspectacular matches leading to what's bound to be an unspectacular pay-per-view. It seems obvious that they're trying to get PPV buys based off of The Dudley Boyz vs. The Undertaker, but unless there are simply that many morbid people around that they'll want to see someone die (and ask for a refund when he doesn't), I can't see this show being a financial success.
Spoilers indicated Hardcore Holly vs. Mordecai and Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn for the Bash, but they never mentioned those matches during the final rundown.
Then again, I didn't think I'd see any of this show when it started. Those of you that saw the first hour can feel free to chime in.
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