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Tape Reviews
Today in Wrestling History (July 25)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Jul 25, 2002, 13:35
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Today in Wrestling History (July 25)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
I don't care what you do to me, but take it easy on the bacardi: This week's Raw recap elicited the most readership of any Raw recap since this site opened on May 6, and also resulted in the most feedback I've received in a given week as well. Thanks to all of you who contributed feedback via e-mail, positive or negative, and keep it coming. Constructive criticism helps me improve my writing, and I respect the opinions of my readers and try to treat them as equals. But if you think I'm hard to please, you should have read some of the things people told me this week.
For example, one reader told me, "If you like wrestling and you hate the WWE you must be contradicting yourself because it is the same thing." This implies that I said I hate WWE. Hey, I like World Wrestling Entertainment, and if I didn't I wouldn't bother recapping their show. That doesn't mean I have to approve of everything they do. I'm a Cleveland Indians fan, but do I have to like them trading off Bartolo Colon for Lee freaking Stevens?
Another reader really seemed to take offense. Aside from questioning who would give a shit about my opinion on every detail, he also added: "I skipped around it looking to see what you thought about the D-X thing and some others, and I found that your review might as well be called the weekly wrestling column of cynicism." He also implied that I share a particular quality with a vacuum cleaner.
Well, thank you for that, but let's get a couple of things clear. First off, had you read the whole thing, quite a bit of it was positive, particularly on the wrestling side of things. I said I liked three of the matches, even though I felt a couple of them were too short. Most weeks, that's going to be enough for the thumbs up. What I don't like is the lack of continuity I've seen the last week and a half or so (or "lack of detail" as I called it), and you can read the recap if you want to know what I'm referring to. Although... "Weekly Wrestling Column of Cynicism". Hmm. Catchy. I might have to pitch that to my superiors.
By the way, does anybody else find it amusing that somebody who doesn't give a shit about my opinion made it a point to tell me what he thought about it?
All ranting aside... This week, we're going to discuss that lack of continuity thing, so let's set the Wayback Machine to July 25, 1999, and Fully Loaded 1999. Have you been wondering why Stephanie McMahon is now SmackDown GM despite being "banned forever" twice within eight months? Because the WWF/E never bothers enforcing their "end of a era" stipulations. Let's look at an example.
The story so far: Shortly before WrestleMania XIV, Vince McMahon had said flat out that he didn't want Stone Cold Steve Austin to be the WWF Champion. Sure enough, Austin won the title at WrestleMania XIV and proceeded to spend the bulk of the next 15 months sticking it to Vince whenever he could, and vice versa. One notable match came at King of the Ring 1998, where The Undertaker's apparently botched interference cost Austin the title to Kane in a first blood match. The McMahon-Austin feud culminated in a cage match at St. Valentine's Massacre, where Austin kicked Vince's ass for about 20 minutes. The feud probably should have been over there.
BUT WAIT! There's more. Vince ended up turning good when The Undertaker abducted Stephanie McMahon on Raw in the spring of 1999 (I want to say at Backlash, but I've never seen that show). This led to Taker "marrying" Steph (which led to a huge logic gap at the end of 1999, but never mind that for now) with Austin making the save. So Taker was talking about the "higher power" being the one behind Stephanie's abduction. Then, in the biggest disappointment since Rocky Maivia's first Intercontinental Title reign, it was revealed that Vince McMahon was the higher power all along.
SO...Linda McMahon, angry that Vince used his own daughter in this scheme, stepped down as WWF CEO, but not before appointing the position to Steve Austin. Vince won the position from Austin at King of the Ring 1999 in one of the worst ladder matches ever, but then-CEO Austin had already awarded himself a title match with the Undertaker for the following night's Raw, which Austin promptly won with a stunner. Taker got his heat back by busting Austin open with the title belt.
It was finally decided to blow off the feud with the "End of an Era" match. Austin would defend the WWF Title at Fully Loaded against The Undertaker in a first blood match--the very type of match where he lost the title to Kane. If Austin lost, he would never be eligible for a WWF Title shot again. But if Austin won, then Vince McMahon would be gone from the WWF forever. The point was driven home during a contract signing on Raw, in which Taker not only busted Austin open with the title belt, but signed the contract in Austin's blood. Hey, not a bad recap for not using the magic of videotape, huh? That's this week's lesson on how to cram 15 months of history into three easy paragraphs.
Without any further ado... We take you to Buffalo, New York and the Marine Midland Arena, where JR and The King make the call. By the way, check out the Rocky-Hunter match and the botched non-final, where Rocky clearly pins Triple H when Billy Gunn's run-in is late. Even JR blows their cover with his great call: "WHAT WAS THAT?"
Anyway, on Heat, Taker tried to get the advantage on Austin with a sneak attack and busted him open.
During the PPV, Austin is given stitches for his cut. He attacks Jeff Jarrett before vowing revenge on The Undertaker. Taker would later save The Big Show from a beatdown involving Kane and X-Pac. When Taker went back through the curtain, Austin got his revenge and busted The Undertaker open. So both men go into this match wth fresh stitches on their foreheads. Psychology? In the Russo era? Believe it or not.
Following the video package, "No Chance in Hell" plays, and out comes Mr. McAsshole, on crutches due to a motorcycle accident. For the record, the motorcycle accident was legit, but I'm pretty sure the injury was real but exaggerated. Vince tells The Fink something, and Fink announces Vince will be the special commentator. Let's see...WWF Title on the line, Vince McMahon sitting ringside, and Earl Hebner the referee...why does that give me an eerie feeling of deja vu?
First Blood Match for the WWF Championship: The Undertaker vs. Cold Stones Steve Austin (champion)
Taker tries to catch Austin in the aisle, but Austin is ready and goes for the forehead immediately, including a shot to the head with the smoking skull belt. Taker gets the advantage and rams Austin's head into the guardrail. Taker targets Austin with right hands, with Austin wisely covering up his head with each shot. Taker tries to rip Austin's forehead with his bare hands, then rams Austin into the steps. A right hand sends Austin over the railing, and he tries to throw the steps in Austin's head, but Austin avoids the shot. Brawl into the crowd, and McMahon is practically begging Taker to put Austin away quickly. Austin comes back and tries to use the steps himself, but Taker counters with a punch to the midsection. Back at ringside, and they brawl in front of the broadcast table. They finally enter the ring, where Taker begins to kick and stomp away at Austin, but he's stomping the chest and chin rather than the forehead. There's the elbow to the forehead, but now Taker goes for the ribs. And now a chokehold as Vince state Taker needs to wear Austin down first. Taker goes for a boot, but Austin sides steps and starts kicking away at the legs. Austin continues working over the legs, which negates the height advantage but doesn't make a man bleed. Austin wraps Taker's knee around the ringpost. And now Austin is finally targeting the forehead. Austin tries to post Taker's crotch, but Taker kicks him off and sends him over the guardrail. Taker is in hot pursuit. Series of punches to Austin's forehead. And Austin coming back with punches. Technical masterpiece this ain't. Back at ringside, and Taker rams Austin's head into the Spanish announce table and grabs a chair. He swings twice, but can't connect, and Austin quickly rams Taker's head into the part of the steps that hasn't been tossed around like a bag of garbage. Austin takes a fan off of the American broadcast table and hits Taker with it. Still no blood. Back in the ring, and there's the obligatory ref bump. Taker backs up to avoid the stunner, but trips over Hebner and gets tied up in the ropes. Austin leaves the ring and grabs a chair from the outside as Hebner gets to his feet, but in comes Shane McMahon. WHAM! Shane gets hits with the chair. Austin focuses on Shane, but when he turns back toward Taker, Taker catches him with a boot coming in. Then a low blow, and Taker targets Austin's ribs again. I guess internal bleeding would count, but Hebner couldn't see that, so... Anyway, Austin comes back and connects with the stunner, but Vince leaves the broadcast booth and tries to hit Austin with the crutch. Austin knocks McMahon down, and he brings in another chair, but Taker hits Austin in the back with the first one. Taker shoves Hebner into the corner and knocks him down. Taker takes aim at Austin...but in comes X-Pac of all people, who gets revenge from earlier in the night by spin kicking the chair into Taker's face. This leaves Austin enough time to grab the TV camera and level Taker with it. Shane back in...Shane back down. The Undertaker is bleeding, and he starts trading punches with Austin. Taker sets up Austin for a Tombstone, but Hebner finally gets up and sees the blood, and Austin retains the title at 15:34. The problem with first blood matches is they generally are mostly run-ins and lots of punch/kick. This wasn't bad when they got away from the punch/kick aspect of it. * 1/4
Postmatch, Taker goes to protest and walks into a stunner. McMahon in with a chair so he can go down swinging, and he gets met with a stunner. Hungry Hungry Hippos is out, and he earned the SummerSlam main event by beating The Rock earlier, so he targets Austin. And out comes Rocky wants to be in pictures, and he fights Hunter to the back. Meanwhile, Austin and Taker are brawling on the floor, and Austin has been busted wide open. Don't ask for the Muta scale on either cut, because A) I don't really know how the scale's supposed to go and B) the cut used to define the Muta scale would have The Original Sheik saying "You call that a cut?" and then slicing his own forehead open with a large pencil until Steven King got queasy. At one point, Shane walked in front of Taker and was promptly met by an "accidental" right hand. Austin and Taker continue to brawl down the aisle until referees and road agents finally separate them. Vince is up in the ring, and Austin extends a hand, but you know what's coming...one last Stunner for old time's sake onto the boss...and my tape literally stops right there.
Aftermath: Vince made one last appearance the next night on Raw, and then was gone...for about two months, when Vince beat Triple H for the WWF Title on SmackDown (and amazingly, Vince doesn't go down in history as worst World Champion ever). Less than a week after that, Steve Austin used the "fine print in the contract" clause to bring Vince back and get a title shot at No Mercy in Cleveland. Then the feud started all over again, and outside of certain stretches continued until Austin's walkout in June. So much for the "end of an era", huh?
What does this all prove? Nothing except that the WWF/E has been lying to us over and over again, and because we didn't leave the first 45 times they think they can get away with it.
Join Dr. Tom later tonight/early tomorrow for his take on SmackDown, and I'll be back Monday night/Tuesday morning for Raw from JHawk's Beak and sometime after that for another look at "Today in Wrestling History". And keep that feedback coming.
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