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" The Gravel Pit "
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TNA
Raw from JHawk's Beak
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Aug 5, 2002, 22:45
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (8/5/2002)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Sometimes bad press is still good publicity: I have just one thing to say to those of you who have gone to other websites' message boards saying that those of us who work at www.thesmartmarks.com suck--"Thank you for the free publicity." I think I got more hits in two days for my Today in Wrestling History column than I did the previous three weeks. Thank you very much!
Get well soon: Special "Get well" wishes go out to The Messiah after his unfortunate incident earlier this weekend. I'm not familiar with Messiah's in-ring work, but it's just not cool to hear about something like that happening. Some people are sick freaks, and this is proof of it. The Dames will fill you in here if you're not familiar with it.
We're going to try something new tonight, exclusively for all the HHHaters who read this recap--the running Triple H clock. Throughout the evening, I'll keep an (approximate) tab on how much airtime Hunter is getting exactly throughout the course of the evening. This way, if people complain he gets too much airtime, then they at least have their ammo ready to go.
Cue the picture of Bischoff that scares young children!
Segment 1
Cue the fireworks! We are all the way live from the Baltimore (Maryland) Arena! Will we find out who put Shawn Michaels through a car window? Plus, Christian and Lance Storm vs. The Hardy Boyz for the World Tag Team Championship!
But first, here comes one of the newest members of Raw, Y2J(2)! Last week, Jericho interrupted Ric Flair's big announcement with a chair shot to the face! Will we find out why? Jericho has the stick. Why did the biggest star on SmackDown (who can't win) come to work for Eric Bischoff? Because he's a certified genius who knows the difference between a superstar and a loser. He kept Jim Duggan and got rid of Stone Cold...OK, bad example. Bischoff also know the difference between a superstar like Jericho and a "has-been like Ric Flair". Jericho insults Flair, which of course brings out...Hungry Hungry Hippos. And judging from the ass-kissing from JR, I'm supposed to care. I don't, but I'm supposed to. Hunter doesn't care why Jericho's here on Raw, but he does know that 1) Shawn Michaels was attacked last week and 2) Nobody's claimed responisibility. Oh, and Hunter hates Jericho. Tell us something we don't know. Somebody failed to tell me this was "Bury Chris Jericho Night". Hunter accuses Jericho of attacking Michaels, which is denied. Jericho also reminds Hunter that he Pedigreed Michaels two weeks ago and has experience with parking lot attacks. And remember, Hunter's the face here. Hunter says he was in the ring when Shawn was attacked (actually, it was when the camera found him, but let's not nitpick). Hunter believes Jericho because he doesn't "have the balls" to do it. But Hunter's not leaving until he finds out who did it. Hunter leaves, and Jericho finally gets to talk without egos on patrol...no, actually, because here's Rob...Van...Dam to interrupt Jericho. Jericho's playing this all almost too well. RVD welcomes Jericho to Raw. Nice gesture. There's a good guy for you. But RVD says he's heard about Jericho saying he owns this show, and "Between that comment and those clothes, I have to ask you. What are you smoking?" RVD issues a challenge to Jericho, claiming there can only be one true "Mr. Monday Night". Jericho accepts, and they argue about whether it's "RVD" or "Y2J". Jericho tries to call RVD a son of a bitch, and it's RVD with a kick. There's a brawl, and Jericho finishes it off with a spinning heel kick.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Well, this did a nice job of setting up RVD vs. Jericho in a rematch of their highly underrated King of the Ring match, but adding Triple H to the segment for no apparent reason is just adding fuel to the fire for the HHHaters. Hey, it's nice to show they have a history, but there are more appropriate ways to show that. Like, not when Jericho is explaining why he jumped ship. Which needs explanation so we can care that they are changing shows. That's about five minutes of airtime for Hunter so far.
Segment 2
Table Match: The Too Damn Big Show vs. American Dream Bubba Ray Dudley
Normally I'd say a table match needs proper build-up, but it is a Big Show match, after all. And I liked The Giant, interestingly enough. Bubba starts off with a series of forearms, but gets caught with a Big Show elbow. Belly-to-belly suplex (!) by Show. Bubba avoids a Snake Eyes, hits a couple of clotheslines, and maneuvers Show to the floor. Bubba goes for a table but is caught. In the ring, and Show runs Bubba over with a shoulderblock. Series of ships into the corner...so much more making this stuff more realistic. Show charges on the third whip, but gets caught with a boot, but he recovers with a side slam and brings a table into the ring. Show leans the table against the corner, then he puts Bubba along it...but he misses the Big Boot and puts it through the table. It must be an offensive move though, so the match continues, and Bubba hits Show with the broken table. Bubba brings another table into the ring, but Show takes Bubba down before it gets set up. Show sets the table up and wants a choke slam, but in come Trish the Cheating Bitch to flirt with him...and slaps him. Little Spike Dudley, wearing a Ravens helmet for cheap local pops, catches him with a headbutt to the midsection, and Bubba flapjacks Show through the table for the win at 4:37.
Last week, the UnAmericans attacked The Undertaker. Will he be here tonight? Someone Feed Terri decides to find out, and Lance Storm goes for cheap heat for saying the President couldn't defend his own country, and Taker can't defend himself. Sending planes over to another country isn't revenge, but typical aggression...and in comes Sgt. Slaughter's Chin, followed by the rest of him, to take offense. Test tells Slaughter to do something about it, and we apparently have a match tonight.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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About as good a Big Show match as I've seen in a while, although that really isn't saying much. At least they make Show look somewhat credible, as it took three people to get the win on him, but this didn't do anything for anybody.
Are we really stretching this much to get this UnAmerican angle over that Sgt. Slaughter has to get back into the ring. Slaughter was past his prime when he was WWF Champion, and that was 11 years ago. Now he's wrestled sporadically in the last five years...I think that segment's officially a wash, and we haven't had it yet.
Segment 3
Good Ol' JR and The Pharaoh shill Moolah's book.
Backstage, Tommy F'N Dreamer will defend the Hardcore Title in a "Raw exclusive"...well, maybe it's now, as Bradshaw attacks him from behind. Bradshaw is beating him with a kendo stick into the arena, and then he throws Dreamer into the set and covers for 2. The fight goes out into the crowd, and now they're over the guardrail and at ringside. Bradshaw reaches under the ring and grabs a bullrope with cowbell. Just in case a rodeo breaks out. Tommy desperately sends Bradshaw into the ringpost. Dreamer under the ring, and up he comes with a trash can lid. Tommy whips Bradshaw into the steps and sends him into the ring. Dreamer with the bullrope, choking him out, and using it to hit a reverse neckbreaker for 2. Dreamer up top, but Bradshaw gloms him and hits the fallaway slam off the second rope. Nice move! Bradshaw sets up a piledriver and gets backdropped, but Bradshaw holds on and gets a power bomb in. Bradshaw stalks Tommy, but walks into a kendo stick shot. Tommy covers and only gets 2. Bradshaw gets in a shoulderblock that sends both men to the floor. Dreamer onto the steps, and he hits a DDT to get the win in 5:23. Couldn't Tommy at least have taken that Texas sticker off of the belt within the last week?
Backstage, William Regal and Christopher Nowinski are discussing their match with Booker T and Goldust, when they run into Pure and Wholesome Molly Holly and Victoria. Molly's been training Victoria for her match with Trish tonight. Nowinski asks Victoria if Molly's actually a virgin, which is suspicious. And Nowinski tells Regal "Not for long."
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Allow me to be in the minority when I say that was a pretty decent hardcore match. Nothing great, of course, but a couple of innovative moves made it more than watchable. Now let's get Raven back onto the main show to feud with Dreamer over the title.
No good can ever come out of a "someone wants to take Molly's virginity" angle. My only real question: Would that be the same as a face turn for Molly? And doesn't it kind of ruin Regal's gimmick when he didn't protest Nowinski's attitude? My head hurts.
Segment 4
Did you know The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar is the match of a lifetime? JR says it, so it must be true!
Goldust and Booker T are backstage, and Goldust accuses Mike Myers of stealing from the real "Goldmember". So Goldust brings in Minidust. And Minidust humps Booker T's leg. Booker gets pissed and leaves. Even JR laughs out loud. Anyway, Booker runs straight into Triple H, who says Booker has a motive to put away Shawn. Booker's glad it happened, but he didn't do it and didn't see who did? Hunter says if he finds out he's lying, he'll be introduced to a sledgehammer.
Earache Bitchoff is on the phone with someone from Sony Pictures, and we're seeing the exclusive trailer for Triple X tonight. The Fink comes in and kisses Bischoff's ass, because he wants to challenge Lillian Garcia to get his rightful job back. I smell a "three minute segment" here. Bischoff decides to let them alternate and let the fans decide. And Howard has a note from the production truck, and we run through the SmackDown lineup. Courtesy of Stephanie McMahon, of course.
Here come Sgt. Slaughter! He and Test NEXT!
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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The Triple H clock is now at two segments totalling approximately seven minutes, but at least he waited until the Goldust-Booker segment was done. And I've got to admit, that was a cheap joke. It was infantile humor. I laughed my ass off.
Finkel for full-time Raw ring announcer! Lillian's good eye candy, but let her stick with singing the National Anthem and be done with it. Nice to see Fink in ring announcer mode reading the SmackDown lineup though.
Segment 5
Kane is returning, says the video package! And that's bound to be the best part of this segment because...
One fall: Test vs. Sgt. Slaughter's Chin (and the rest of him too)
Fink and Lillian are alternating based on participant and not match, for the record. JR says this isn't about 2 out of 3 falls with a one hour time limit (thank God). Test attacks Slaughter from behind, because Canadians CHEAT~! Test hits Slaughter with the Big Boot on the floor and drapes the upside down American flag over Slaughter. That's the no contest (no opening bell).
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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That's it? Um...well, somehow I don't think enough of today's fans remember Sgt. Slaughter enough to be overly pissed off with this, and since the much-hyped Undertaker appearance (we hope) didn't happen the segment is a complete wash. On the bright side, they didn't insult us by having an actual match.
Segment 6
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: Booker T and Goldust vs. William Regal and Christopher Nowinski
This was set up by the Regal-Goldust match on Heat. Goldust and Booker get in the shots from behind, and we start with Regal vs. Goldust. Booker and Goldust use good tag team strategy, as they keep Regal in their corner and use quick tags. Regal gets to his corner for...um..."consoling". Yeah, that's a good word for it. Nowinski in the ring, and the faces use more quick tags to keep Nowinski isolated. Regal grabs Goldust from the outside, and Nowinski uses a shitty Northern Lights suplex for 2. Regal in, and he goes to work on Goldust's left arm. Quick tags by the heels, and Goldust eventually uses a one-arm sunset flip for two. That is how you sell an arm. The heels continue to work on Goldust's arm. Nowinski uses a sort of Pedigree sort of double underhook suplex for 2. Regal in, and he works on the arm, and Goldust hits a small package for 2. Regal and Nowinski still work on the arm until Nowinski misses a dropkick and Goldust rolls him up for 2. Goldust finally gets the hot tag to Booker. Booker works over Nowinski until Regal gets the blind tag. Booker gets in the Harlem side kick, and Nowinski has to make the save. Goldust with an inverted atomic drop, followed by Booker getting the scissor kick for the pin at 6:17. Good little match there. Booker goes to leave, but Goldust tells him he can't until the fans get their Spinnaroonie. And there it is.
Triple H is on the hunt backstage, and he runs into the UnAmericans and warns them about The Undertaker. Oh, and last week, they said they had some unfinished business and admit they were going to get Shawn, but someone had beaten them to it. More threatening by Hunter, as he beats up a poor table that doesn't break and was probably supposed to.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Good little tag team match there, with some excellent psychology employed. And don't give me the "it didn't factor into the finish" garbage, because it's not like Goldust got the pin with a press slam or something. Nowinski showed his greenness a bit, but not in the Jackie Gayda sense. Good match.
We're at three segments and eight minutes in the Triple H clock. So far it's not that offensive, but there's still 55 minutes of show left. And they're building this well if the payoff doesn't suck.
Segment 7
SmackDown! is preempted on Channel 9 in New York, so watch it at The World instead! But still to go tonight, RVD vs. Y2J! But first, let's have a meaningless match!
One fall: Trish the Cheating Bitch vs. Victoria
And no, this isn't Victoria from Tough Enough 1, so stop asking. And Molly is joining Ross and Lawler at the booth. Wrestling sequence to start, and it isn't even over yet before the "We want puppies" chant starts. Lawler is more concerned with whether Molly's a virgin or not, and Molly's response is "Watch the match". Lawler then asks about cherries, and Molly says "I like all types of fruits and vegetables." Meanwhile, Victoria clutches at her knee, and she's in tears. Trish holds the ropes open for her, and there's the cheap shot kick that fooled nobody. Victoria takes advantage of Trish on the floor (get your mind out of the gutter, dammit), then gets a couple of snap suplexes on Trish in the ring for 2. Victoria bends down to pck Trish up, but Trish with an inside cradle for 2. Victoria with some forearm smashes, and even Ross becomes annoyed at Lawler asking Molly about her personal life. Trish coming back with some forearm of her own, but Victoria sends her into the corner. The charge, and Trish with a sunset flip for 2, but Victoria reverses it (and holds the ropes) for the win at 4:23. Of course, Trish cheap shots Victoria after the bell, so Molly runs out for the save. Trish comes back to clear the ring as JR sells it like the cheap shot is OK but the 2-on-1 isn't.
Backstage, and it's Hunter segment #4 as he finds The Big Show. Show wants to settle the score with Trish, and speaking of that, Hunter accuses Show of attacking Shawn last week. Show pushes the sledgehammer down before denying it. Show decides he's fed up, so he leaves.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Pretty good for a women's match, but 1) nobody cares about Molly's personal life unless they're directly involved. Meaning I don't care if Molly's a virgin, all I care about is she ain't sleeping with me. 2) With Lita out, Trish is the resident female face cheap shot artist. Yes, Victoria cheated too, but at least she did within the context of trying to win a match.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley clock: Four segments, approximately nine minutes. So far, all meaningful to build the story, but the number of segments makes it appear like he's been on the show more than he has tonight.
Segment 8
One fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: The Hardy Boyz (w/o Nancy Drew) vs. Lance Storm and Christian (champions)
Jeff, kill the body paint already, you look like La Parka on an acid trip. And that is not a compliment. Christian and Matt start. Matt gets an early Side Effect in for 2 and tags Jeff. Jeff knocks Storm off the apron, but before he can low blow legdrop Christian, Storm pulls him to the floor. We've got our face-in-peril less barely a minute into the match. Storm and Christian keep Jeff in the corner and use quick tags. Jeff with the Will 'o the Wisp on Storm, and there's the luke warm tag to Matt. Matt works over both challengers. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate on Storm, but Christian comes in with an inverted DDT and Storm covers for 2. Christian and Jeff on the floor, Matt with the Twist of Fate to Storm, and Jeff with the Swanton Bomb. Christian pulls Charles Robinson out of the ring, and that will be a disqualification win for the challengers (but not a title change) at 3:50. Test comes out and hits a Big Boot on Jeff, and here comes The Undertaker to make the save. Out go the UnAmericans, and Taker is following them backstage, but they make their getaway before Taker can catch up. So Taker steals a police motorcycle and chases after them.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Decent match, although too short with a shitty but necessary finish. I would have rather seen Storm and Christian go over cleanly (this Hardy push is really grating on my nerves), but the purpose of this is to build the Undertaker-Canadian feud. A six man tag with the Hardys at SummerSlam perhaps?
Segment 9
Here is your prerequisite Eric Bischoff in-arena segment here, and I've got 2-to-1 odds on Hunter showing up. We'll settle this ring announcer thing later on, but later, Bischoff has a surprise that will answer Hunter's questions. Onto the ring announcers, and we're going to see the trailer for Triple X, and each one will get the opportunity to add their own tagline, and the "winner" will be the number one ring announcer. Expect Jamal and Rosie to come out here. And there's the trailer, which doesn't make me want to see the movie because I'm already sick of the fucking trailer. Finkel gets in his tagline (to boos?), then Lillian gets hers (to a tepid but better reaction). Howard says that unless we're talking about Lillian and sailors, he has far more experience, but Lillian counters with a penis insult. They start arguing, and Bischoff says this went three minutes too long. As if nobody saw this coming. Jamal and Rosie are in, and Finkel hightails it, leaving Lillian Garcia to the dogs. Flapjack into a Samaon drop! Ouch! Bischoff asks for more, and one of them is up top for a flying splash (and getting hit in the back with a flying roll of toilet paper just before liftoff).
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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I'm still rather confused as to exactly how the Island Boyz are supposed to be considered credible threats when they're attacking ring announcers. On the bright side, Howard Finkel is number one ring announcer by default, but no problem. We'll just let Lillian move on the SmackDown where she can crave The Rock's strudel. Well, when he isn't filming a movie, anyway.
Segment 10
We are live, and Lillian is being stretchered out, complete with cervical collar. They say this is a bad thing as if Lillian never had two big guys on top of her before. Sorry, had to go there. Credit to Lillian for the bump though.
Y2J(2) vs. Rob...Van...Dam
And of course, this means that Triple H gets the main event segment despite not getting into the ring since King of the Ring. Like I said, things like that make Hunter's airtime seem worse than it really is. And Fozzy performs at The World on August 23, which means he'll miss the local house show. Oh, no ring announcing because Fink isn't stupid. We are underway, and JR makes clear to point out this is the "official main event" so we don't get pissed about Hunter getting the overrun. RVD with a standing moonsault gets 2. RVD side steps a dropkick, then sends Jericho over the top rope with a slingshot. And then a somersault over the top onto Jericho. Back into the ring, and RVD misses the jumping side kick and gets taken down with a release German suplex. Jericho takes RVD down with a back suplex, and there's a series of elbowdrops. Choke against the ropes, and then the squisher. Jericho mocks Hogan's ear cupping thing to a mixed reaction. Jericho tries to undo the top turnbuckle pad, and RVD rolls up Jericho, but Earl Hebner is trying to tighten the pad, so he only counts to 2. Jericho regains control. RVD tries a comeback but misses a dropkick, but he gets the knees up on the attempted Lionsault. Jericho charges but gets met with a superkick. Stepover spin kick by RVD, and then the rolling thunder for 2. Series of counters ends in Jericho hitting an enzuigiri for 2. Jericho attempts the Walls of Jericho but RVD counters it into an inside cradle for 2 3/4. Earl Hebner gets knocked down, and RVD covers with nobody to count. Jericho brings in a chair and misses, but RVD misses the Van Daminator, and Jericho gets in a shot to the ribs. And one to the head. Jericho asks RVD to get up, but in comes The Man (WHOO!) with a chair shot to Jericho's head. RVD up to the top rope, and RVD is up top...Five Star Frog Splash! Hebner with a slow count of 3, and RVD wins at 7:49. Flair celebrates on the stage just to piss Jericho off.
Backstage, Bischoff is on his cell phone, apparently to the Sony Pictures people, and just wait until he gives Triple H his surprise. Do we have to?
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Good match as always between these two, although not as good as their King of the Ring match (even though I'm sure some will disagree). Another match where I'd have rather seen a clean finish as opposed to getting a run-in, but it plays perfectly off of last week's show, so no complaints.
I don't really care what Bischoff's surprise is unless he's gotten the footage of Hunter doing it himself. Which might be what it was all along.
Segment 11
And Bischoff is in the ring for his big announcement, and he doesn't even to call Hunter out before "The Game" plays and Triple H makes his way to the ring. Hunter asks what Bischoff wants, but it's about what Hunter wants. The surprise...the Holy Bible Kid is "live via satellite from San Antonio", and that's a nice makeup job. Shawn's doing as OK as he can be for a guy who got thrown through a car window. Hunter feels bad, but Shawn says they're cool. But satellite time isn't cheap, and Bischoff doesn't want them to run out of time, so Hunter asks if he knows who jumped him. Shawn says it was an attack from behind, so he only saw the hospital bed when he woke up. Hunter says he'll get back at whoever it is, but Shawn was given the survellience footage. Am I good or am I good? And that...shows nothing except Shawn moving forward. Hunter stammers when he mentions that. Oh wait, they've got enhanced footage. And when they're done enhancing it, sure enough, it's Triple H himself. Uh oh, Hunter, how do you get out of this one? By admitting it. Why didn't he just take credit for it a week ago? He was trying to prove a point--that Shawn is weak an vulnerable and needs to be Hunter's manager so he can be protected. OK, 11:07, we can go off the air anytime now. Hunter says he was nice and stopped, but somebody else would have finished the job. Shawn admits that he's not in the best of shape, but doctors say he'll be 100% by SummerSlam. Yeah, 4 1/2 years and your back's not healed, but by God, four weeks after this and he'll be good as new. Hunter: "What are you going to do, talk me to death?" No, Hunter, that's what you're doing to me. Hunter: "HBK is dead!" Hunter says that if Shawn goes through with this, he'll finish the job. Then he plays the "what if you can't hold your son" card. And what if he can't satisy the wife anymore? Hunter should know not to go there. Shawn admits he can't wrestle anymore, but he can still fight, and the time to fight is now. So at SummerSlam, Shawn will be there to fight. Shawn rips off his mic and we're out.
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END OF SHOW
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So there you have it. We main event with a promo to a largely dead crowd, as outside of the "Ohmygod, Shawn's gonna wrestle" pop, nobody seemed to care. This did what it set out to do--build Hunter as the heel, Shawn as the babyface, and set up their match at SummerSlam. However, not only did this go on too long (even if I only say that because I'm half asleep as it is), but they had to play the "you have a family to think about" card. Hey, I'm all for giving the face motivation, but I never saw WCW play that card and actually let the face go over, even though that's the only way the storyline can go at that point. Time will tell if they build this properly and keep it entertaining.
The show ends at 11:11 Eastern, which adds 11 minutes to the Hunter clock. Final tally: Five segments, approximately 20 minutes. An average of four minutes per segment. Again, it looks bad because of how many segments Hunter was in, and if he actually was the culprit, then we didn't really need to see him threaten everybody. Well built overall though. Props to good storytelling.
The more important clock comes on the wrestling side, where we had seven matches (which counts the one that didn't start) for approximately 32 minutes, and average of a little over 4:30 per match. None of the matches were offensive, and a few were quite entertaining.
Overall, not as good as the last couple of shows, but nothing flat out bad either.
You can let me know what you think by clicking the handy dandy
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