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Raw from JHawk's Beak (1/6/2003)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Jan 6, 2003, 23:25
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (1/6/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
New year, same stupid shit: Well, it was fun while it lasted, but because defensive coordinator Foge Fazio is a freaking retard, the Steelers were literally given the game against the Cleveland Browns. At least with the 49ers' comeback over the Giants, it was because the 49ers played a hell of a second half. But the Browns beat themselves yesterday by going into that stupid freaking prevent defense.
Now, for those of you who don't know what the prevent defense is, it's like this. The idea is that when you have a lead late in the football game, you allow your defense to give up the short pass in the middle of the field. This means that while you're giving up a lot of yardage, the clock keeps running because the offense can't get out of bounds to stop the clock. That's the theory. In reality, the only way it works is when three factors are present:
1. The offense has no timeouts left.
2. There's less than a minute left in the game when the offense gets the ball.
3. The offense has to score a touchdown to keep the game alive.
And a lot of times, even when all three of these factors are present, you'll get a receiver with breakaway speed catch one, and he'll either break through for a touchdown or get out of bounds anyway. So essentially, the prevent defense, named as such because it's supposed to prevent the offense from getting a big play, actually prevents the team with the lead from winning football games.
Foge Fazio forgot two things when he decided to try the prevent defense. First, the Steelers still had two timeouts left and could have stopped the clock at any time. Two, he started trying this stupid defensive scheme with five minutes left in the game. The only way he could have done any worse would have been to actually put me out there on defense and have me try to stop Hines Ward. When you stop playing to win and, instead, start playing not to lose, you'll lose the game every single time.
So thank you, Coach Fazio, for giving one of our two biggest rivals a playoff game that, apparently, everyone associated with Cleveland except you wanted to win. And while I hate to see anybody on the unemployment line, may you get fired, replaced by Campo as the rumor mill is saying, and be forced to coach some high school team for $5.15 an hour in Texas. Call the prevent defense at a high school game in Texas and see if you can still walk five minutes later.
I'm sure Dr. Tom will have more football for you when he does the Midweek News, but one last thing on this real quick. Thank God I have Ring of Honor tickets for Saturday (look for an on-site report over the weekend). That means I don't have to watch the Steelers-Titans game.
Yet another mini-book review: I finished "In the Pit with Piper" this weekend, and it is highly recommended reading. Very refreshing to see Piper actually reveal a couple of things that could potentially make people think less of him and show no regrets for it. A much better read than Hogan's book, if only because much less of it was common knowledge.
My New Year's Resolution is to make sure Raw has a long term plan for the fut... -- WHADDYA MEAN I'M FIRED?: Last week, Raw was dedicated to the best matches of 2002 (and they still found a way to show, at best, three of the match of the year candidates mixed up with a bunch of crap). So this week, we've had two weeks to write and prepare this show, and as of 6 p.m. Eastern, wwe.com still had a very bare bones preview that didn't list one thing in concrete for tonight's show. And here I thought 2003 might actually show some long-term planning. You had TWO WEEKS and couldn't even come up with an actual lineup to post? Forget monkeys, I think they've regressed to hiring hyenas to run this company.
Segment 1
Remember two weeks ago when we had Triple H and Scott Steiner in an arm wrestling match? Let's spend the first two minutes or so reminding you about that.
Cue the opening, then the pyro, as we are L-I-V-E LIVE from the America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona. And what's this? A match?
The Reunited Damn Dudley Boyz vs. ...
Before the match, it's Hunter and Steiner in a posedown TONIGHT! And before we find out who the Dudleys are facing, here come Easy E and Chief Morley, as Bisch promises a change in attitude for 2003. And here's a video to prove it...remember the Dudleys helping JR and the King two weeks ago? Do you care? Did you care then? Well, we get the video recap for it anyway. And as a result, Bisch speaks on this! See, that stunt was a slap to everything Bisch stands for, and "that crap is over with starting right now!" This is the Year of the Weasel...er, the Year of Eric Bischoff...and he demands respect, dammit! And if not, they'll pay the consequences. So tonight, it's a no DQ handicap match. And the referee is only there to count 1-2-3 "when they get tired of kicking your ass".
No Disqualification Handicap Match: The Reunited Damn Dudley Boyz vs. Three Minute Warning, Rico and Don't Call Me Dave Batista (w/The Man WHOO!)
Batista is officially in the Royal Rumble, by the way. There's a brawl in the ring early, and Batista isn't exactly hurrying into the ring. Jamal gets dumped to the floor, then Rosey, and just like that it's a 3D for Rico. In comes Batista...choke bomb to D-Von! Bubba tried to stop him, but he gets in a spear. Bisch says "eat them alive", and as 3MW reenters the ring, Batista dumps Bubba over the top rope. Morley gets his shots in as D-Von is caught 3 on 1. Finally it's just Batista vs. D-Von with everyone else on the floor standing over Bubba. Spinebuster and a cover, and the referee refuses to count. Bisch threatens to fire the referee after he knocks him out, and at two, Batista picks him up. Bubba somehow breaks the defenses and comes in, but Rosey comes in and belly-to-belly suplexes him down. In comes Flair, and a figure four to Bubba! Jamal up top...Samoan Splash while Bubba's still in the figure four. D-Von is up...avalanche by Rosey into Jamal's Samoan drop. This is organized mugging 101. High Angle Sitout Power Bomb by Batista and a cover, and Chad Patten finally does make the reluctant 3 count at 4:28. Holy shit, did that suck! DUD BUT WAIT! There's a postmatch beatdown! Even Bisch gets a slap to D-Von. The Dudleys are barely alive, and the crowd has died 12 minutes into the show! Lawler apparently stands at the booth, JR begs him not to do something stupid...
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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What a bad bad way to kick off the new year. Who does this help, exactly? We've regressed into making Bischoff the evil owner circa WCW 1997, except this time even fewer people buy it because the only guy out there with any credibility among fans is Flair, who nobody buys working with Bischoff in the first place. It is logical, granted, because why would the GM allow the talent to interfere in his punishment for somebody else and get away with it, but this does nothing to sell a future pay-per-view that I can see, and it doesn't really help anybody get over.
Segment 2
The Dudley Boyz are still down in the ring, and Lance Storm and William Regal are complaining about the tag team match from two weeks ago. They claim they'll make Bischoff proud, but they have other business to attend to...because the Dudleys haven't gotten the message yet. Jesus Christ, who did these two piss off during the break? Bubba finally gets to his knees, but Regal takes him down with the Power of the Punch. Storm with the Sharpshooter to D-Von as we get a closeup of Bubba bleeding. The referees finally clear the ring as we get a replay of the brass knuckles shot.
Backstage, it's Hungry Hungry Hippos looking into a mirror, and Flair says "the project is coming along nicely". Hunter has a posedown with Scott Steiner, and he's sick of hearing about Steiner. Hunter got no respect for doing the arm wrestling thing with a bad arm (huh?), and since Steiner was never on the cover of Flex magazine, it should be a cakewalk. Here comes Big Poppa Steroid Pump, who claims it's gonna be an ass kicking tonight and another at the Rumble, and he'll rip Flair's head off if he tries anything.
Jacqueline is backstage, and apparently she is teaming with Trish the Cheating Bitch next!
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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HHHater Clock: One segment, 2:07.
The score: Eric Bischoff 2, The Dudley Boyz 0. All we needed was for Christian to bring out the mini Dudleyz and we'd have covered all the bases. Are we helping anybody here at all? I guess the payoff is going to be two Dudleys beating eight guys.
And later on is a posedown, which won't be any good. Has there ever been a posedown that didn't end with a cheap shot while the babyface is posing? And will there be one tonight? And how does this make people want to pay to see that match?
Segment 3
We are live in Phoenix (which we couldn't sell out with 5,000 blocked off seats), and tonight, Kane and RVD vs. Jericho and Christian! But right now:
Divas Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: Trish the Cheating Bitch (w/music to blade your ears to) and Jacqueline vs. Victoria (WWE Women's Champion--w/Steven Richards) and Good Golly Miss Molly Holly
Jacky and Victoria start. Victoria with a shoulderblock, but Jacky back with a hiptoss. Knee to the back by Molly, and Victoria takes control. Shoulderblocks into the corner, tag to Molly, flying axhandle. Handspring elbow (with three handsprings) gets 2. Cheap shot to Trish, Molly with a camel clutch, and in comes Victoria to hook a Boston crab at the same time. Victoria stays in the ring, but she misses the moonsault. Victoria with a front facelock, Molly up top, but Jacky avoids whatever they were trying and gets the hot tag to Trish. Victoria is the sacrificial lamb for the offense. Chick kick, and Molly makes the save. Jacky tackles Molly out of the ring, and Trish chops away at Victorua. Stratusfaction misses, but Trish gets a rolling reverse cradle. Molly has Charles Robinson distracted, Richards with the Stevenkick that reverses the roll up, and Victoria pulls the tights and gets the pin at 3:04. 1/2*
Someone Feed Terri is with Black Gold, and she wants to know what the World Tag Team Champions have in store for 2003. Tell Booker it's not the Year of Eric Bischoff. He badmouths Bischoff and brings up everything that made Stephanie McMahon look good and, therefore, Bischoff look bad. Of course, Bisch saw that, and that's the exact thing he was talking about. So tonight, Regal and Storm can impress Bischoff by winning the World Tag Team Championship.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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A typical divas matchup, so not really anything to say there, but you have to wonder who Trish is going to get to counteract Richards' interference in these matches. Tommy Dreamer perhaps? Or maybe Raven does a face turn? It'll probably be Jeff Hardy or somebody though. But they either need to build the women's division up properly or consider getting rid of it, because every match is beginning to look the same.
But even though I don't like how they got to it, I am looking forward to this Tag Team Title match tonight. Hopefully, this will finally be the chance to show exactly how good Storm and Regal really are, because with any luck at all this will be your typical 10-12 minute title match. Given 10-12 minutes, we could get one hell of a match here.
Segment 4
Even with all the mic work tonight, we haven't technically had a 20-minute promo yet, so here comes Y2J+3. Well, at least Jericho's capable of keeping this interesting. JR: "He seems perplexed for some reason." Jericho has had a recurring dream since WrestleMania X8...he returned to the main event of WrestleMania and regained his World Heavyweight Championship. And Jericho WILL get that shot because it's the most important thing in his life. It's not about the title, but about being regarded as the best in the world. He will always be "The Highlight of the Night". And the best way to get that title is by winning the Royal Rumble. So he talked to Eric Bischoff, and therefore, Chris Jericho becomes Raw entrant #2 in the Rumble. And in less than two weeks...the Holy Bible Kid is going to interrupt this interview and piss Jericho off. Either the crowd mics are WAY down or this crowd is dead, buried, and decomposing. Ah, there we go. "HBK" chants. HBK realizes that he and Jericho are off to a rocky start, but he wants to take issue with the idea of Jericho being the best. He's not disputing it, oh no. Obviously, Jericho believes he's the best, but they have a lot in common. Because being the best isn't always good enough. Jericho needs for every WWE superstar to acknowledge him as the best, "just like I did." And for that to happen, you have to volunteer to be number one in the Royal Rumble and outlast everybody. Tell me Jericho's not so stupid to actually agree to that. What number can they give Brock Lesnar to continue that storyline then? Jericho knows what he's trying to do, so don't patronize him. He's just reminding people that Shawn's the only number one to ever win it (and he only had to go 38 minutes for it, but we'll ignore that). But when Jericho became undisputed champion, Jericho beat two men that Shawn never beat on the same night. "So don't tell me how to be the best, you self-centered son of a bitch." Jericho claims to have done it all too, and Michaels says if Jericho doesn't ask to be number one, then Shawn will. That's three people in the Rumble now. And if Jericho wants to be the best, he has to go through HBK to do it. Jericho says that's fine, but why wait? They both drop their microphones...
RNN Breaking News: Randy Orton is here! I thought they'd forgotten about this. Orton is in the ring, and yes, it is big news, but the real big news is that Orton's shoulder has 93% mobility. And Orton thinks Shawn is jealous that his comeback's a more important story. "I'm sure all the ladies will agree when I say there's a new sexy boy in town. OK, maybe the guys feel the same way too. Whatever." And when the shoulder gets to 100%... There's a superkick for Orton, which gives Jericho his opening. He goes for the Walls of Jericho, but in comes Rob...Van...Dam. Orton levels him from behind, in comes ChrisTIAN, and here comes Kane to clear the ring of the heels. Something tells me we're up to 6 or 7 in the Rumble.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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This was quite the good interview until RNN came up. You have Jericho wanting to be the best, Michaels trying to goad him into career suicide by taking number one in the Rumble, and some pretty tense talking back and forth. Unfortunately, the run ins and brawling turned this into just another segment. Still, Michaels is in the Rumble, and we know he's capable of putting 20-25 quality minutes in. I'm actually curious as to whether they'll the chance on putting Orton in now, because otherwise his segment could have been done from the Titantron someplace.
Segment 5
One fall for the World Tag Team Championship: Black Gold (champions) vs. Lance Storm and William Regal
Lillian fails to mention this is a title match. Booker and Storm start. Wrestling sequence to start, and Booker gets a hammerlock. Storm elbows out of it and goes for a hiptoss, but Booker blocks it and clotheslines him down. Kneedrop, and Bisch is backstage and worried already. Goldust tagged in and gets a quick near fall. Storm with a jawbreaker and a tag, but Goldust backdrops Regal over. Wrestling sequence ends with Goldust using an armwhip to take Regal down. Tag to Booker, and the champions begin to go to work on Regal's left arm. Chops in the corner, and Booker wants the punch countalong, but Storm drops him him throat first on the top rope to save Regal. Storm tags in and elbows Booker for 2. Storm with a cross facelock. Tag to Regal, and some nice double teaming. Regal with the cross facelock now. Booker out of it, but Regal kicks him in the face, Storm tags in and covers, and Goldust has to make the save. Storm with the crevatte on Booker. Booker punches out, but Storm drop toeholds him down and locks in a cross facelock. Booker fighting his way out again, and this time he gets the leg lariat in. Hot tag to Goldust, and he works over both challengers. Powerslam to Storm, and Regal prevents the pin. All four in, and there's the old Heat Seeker from the champions. Regal kicks Charles Robinson in the throat to stop the pin, and now Robinson, Booker, and Storm are all down on the floor. And we have to take a break.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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This has been very very disappointing so far. Plus, if they took the commercial break when they did, that means the blatant kick to Robinson is probably not going to be called a disqualification, so if Storm and Regal win the titles here, then we have a highly controversial call that could change the titles. Still, I expected a lot more out of this one so far, but unless the pace picks up considerably we're in trouble.
Segment 6
The Match Continues... Booker gets a spinebuster for a near fall as we find out that Chief Morley took over the referee duties during the break. Booker gets an accidental leg lariat on Morley and covers Storm, and out runs Nick Patrick to take over...and only get 2 3/4. Goldust is in with uppercuts, and he wants Shattered Dreams, but Storm goes out of the ring. Goldust follows, but it's a trap, as Regal levels Goldust with a clothesline. Storm rolls him and covers for 2, and there's the tag to Regal. Regal with a slam and cover, and Booker makes the save. Storm tagged in, and there's a snap mare into a reverse chinlock. Goldust elbows out, knocks Regal off the apron, and choke slams Storm down. Tag to Booker, and he's working over both challengers. Series of chops to Storm, and the flapjack. Look into the hand...SPINNAROONIE TONY! Scissor kick...and screw this overbooking crap, because Morley pulls Patrick out at two, Regal uses the knucks on Booker and Goldust, Storm covers Booker, and Morley counts the pin for the title change at 14:12. Decent match, but what a joke of a finish and way too overbooked. *1/2
Tonight! Triple H's Posedown Challenge!
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Once again, way too disappointing for what these four are capable of. A slow pace is fine if the psychology is present, but this was a series of restholds holding two separate finishing sequences together. Where was Storm and Regal working over a body part? And why the hell wasn't there a disqualification somewhere before the finish? The evil owner/commissioner/GM angle has been done to death, and we've only done it an hour and ten minutes so far this time around and I'm already hoping it dies a horrible death. What an overbooked mess.
Segment 7
Regal and Storm kiss Bischoff's ass, and it was such a privilege to win the titles from those besmirchers.
Raw Retro: Marc Mero introduces Sable in a potato sack (12/8/1997). We're stretching for important Raw moments now.
Your hosts are Good Ol' JR and The Pharaoh, who hype the Raw Tenth Anniversary special. Apparently this is the new version of the Slammy Awards. Rah.
One fall: Test (w/My Future Wife) vs. Christopher Nowinski (w/D'Lo Brown)
Stacy could be called "Devil in a Blue Dress" tonight. Earlier today, Nowinski asked D'Lo to be in his corner because he's the only white guy who respects D'Lo. He's "down with the Brown". And Test attacks D'Lo as the bell rings. He follows D'Lo to the floor, and that allows Nowinski to get the advantage. Test's left shoulder hits the ringpost...and again. Nowinski into an armbar. Test breaks out of it with a side slam. But again he leaves the ring to chase D'Lo. Nowinski drags him back in, but Test regains the advantage with a clothesline. Full nelson slam for 2 as JR says "It says wrestling on the marquee." Then prove it! D'Lo on the apron, Test sends Nowinski into him, and Test rolls the dice for the win at 2:02. 1/4*, but only because nothing has been as bad as the opener so far. D'Lo in after the match...Sky High! And D'Lo taunts Stacy before finally leaving the ring.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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And so the feud nobody cares about continues. (Which one?) Apparently the Nowinski-Maven feud is dead. Apparently they'd rather push D'Lo vs. Test, which is fine if there was any chance in hell of D'Lo going anywhere with this. Nowinski has a nice groove going until a couple of weeks ago, so now he's losing to Test in two minute TV matches? That was barely even worth commenting on.
Segment 8
We still have RVD and Kane vs. Jericho and Christian tonight...and we've put Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton in the respective corners.
Backstage, Christian tells Jericho he's in the Rumble. Jericho thinks he's got help, but Christian wants to win the Rumble. They start trying to one-up each other (Christian: "Well, your beard's stupid!"), and Christian plays the superkick card. Randy Orton plays the voice of reason who tells them to focus on the match...and Orton focuses on himself in a mirror.
Your hosts hype the posedown, and Scott Steiner was on the July 2000 issue of Ironman magazine, so nyah nyah nyah Hunter. And let's show the arm wrestling video package AGAIN! I think next week I'm going to start including this garbage on the HHHater clock, particularly when it airs twice in the same show.
Hunter is oiling his body, and he's got one of those flexing bars to work out with. Cut to Steiner doing his own workout! It's next (thank God).
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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HHHater Clock: Two segments, 2:32 (and I'm being VERY generous by not including the video packages tonight because they're getting VERY annoying). And with the flexor, I'll make the official prediction: Hunter hits Steiner from behind with it a la Rick Rude to The Ultimate Warrior at Royal Rumble 89.
I would like to know if there's an actual point to putting Michaels and Orton at ringside. Michaels, yes, he has the issue with Jericho, and it serves to hype the Rumble. But they've given the impression that Orton's not quite ready yet, so while it's nice for them to use him, his appearance might not accomplish anything except some cheap interference.
Segment 9
Posedown Challenge: Hungry Hungry Hippos (World Heavyweight Champion w/The Man WHOO!) vs. Big Poppa Steroid Pump
Here's a question for the bodybuilders out there. Are steroids legal in competition? If you know, hit the feedback addy at the end of the article. Coach is your moderator, and he asks Hunter for the rules. Since Hunter is sick of people saying Steiner's going to kick his ass at the Royal Rumble, yada yada yada. That's not what he asked, you freaking egomaniac, so stop getting off on hearing your own voice! Here we go. Pose for pose, head to head, one on one, and the winner has the World Champion physique. And the fans can't judge it because they're jealous. Actually, it's because they're already sick of this segment and Steiner's not even out there yet! So he's going to pick out six plants...er, fans...who appear qualified to judge bodybuilding. And he just happens to pick six big men who just happen to be in the front row (and appear to be local indy workers). Actually, one or two of them look familiar. Anyway, Coach is going to pick out three mandatory poses from the clipboard. And that time, each judge will get the scorecards that say, conveniently, Triple H and Scott Steiner. Just hold up the one you think wins. So around 7 minutes in, we finally bring Steiner out. And even he takes his time getting to the ring. I think I fell asleep during this entrance, but I'm so bored at this point I don't know for sure. Coach says you only gets 15 seconds for each pose. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. Hunter takes his jacket off as the women squeal. They're fake, ladies! Steiner takes his shirt off to more squeals, and they're less real than Hunter's, ladies! There's the staredown. The first pose is the front double bicep. Steiner upstages Hunter during the pose. The second pose is the side chest. Even Hunter is amazed at Scotty's development, and the third pose is the most muscular. This one leads to a staredown and some chest bumping, and now our judges decide. Triple H gets the first two votes, and Lawler is all "wait a fricking minute" (my words, but that's the jist of it). And sure enough, it's unanimous, and I don't think anybody buys it. Steiner sure doesn't buy it and flat out accuses Hunter of setting this up. So Steiner decides to ask the fans, and it's a landslide for Steiner from the crowd. Hunter reaches for the mic, Steiner doesn't want to give it up, but Hunter finally gets it from Coach. Hunter refuses to ask the crowd and immediately gets defensive as the crowd starts a "You suck" chant. Hunter graciously makes the excuses. Bodybuilding's subjective. So let's do something that's more objective...like pushups. For the love of everything holy, end this damn segment already! Coach tries to reiterate what we already know, but Steiner says it's between them. Coach tells them to go, and as they reach 10 pushups, one of the "judges" kicks Steiner in the ribs. Hunter takes off running as Steiner single-handedly buries six indy workers.
Up next, a match! We mean it, bah gawd!
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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HHHater Clock: Three segments, 20:09. Oh my God, this was actually worse than the opening match, but that crowd loves Scott Steiner. They haven't seen him in the ring yet though, so that could change like it did for Hunter last year. But really, as soon as Hunter said he was going to pick six guys from the crowd, everybody with half a brain saw that coming. Did we need 17:37 for that? You could have cut that down to eight or nine minutes and gotten the point across. At least Hunter's actually been the heel for more than one week in a row, so at least they're trying for continuity.
Segment 10
Tag Team Main Event scheduled for one fall: Y2J+3 and ChrisTIAN (w/Randy Orton) vs. Rob...Van...Dam and Kane (w/The Holy Bible Kid)
And the match is NEXT!
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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We literally had the intros and a commercial break, and you want a comment? Um...no.
Segment 11
Tag Team Main Event scheduled for one fall (and this time we really really really mean it. Really.): Y2J+3 and ChrisTIAN (w/Randy Orton) vs. Rob...Van...Dam and Kane (w/The Holy Bible Kid)
The bell rings, and all four men are in the ring. Earl Hebner is earning his money in this one. RVD quickly does the no-hands somersault plancha to the floor as the RVD chants start. RVD in the ring with Jericho, and he kicks away. Spinning heel kick, Orton to the apron, RVD to the top, and Christian shoves RVD off the rope and onto the guardrail. Christian tags in and drags RVD into the ring. He grinds RVD's face into the mat. Tag to Jericho, and a double team in the corner. Jericho with a back suplex and a series of elbowdrops for a 2 count. Snap mare into a double wristlock. RVD pounds away but is dropped with an elbow. Jericho drags RVD to the heel corner and tags out. RVD misses an enzuigiri but gets a spinning back kick in. Going for the tag, but Christian with a front facelock. Tag made, but Jericho had Hebner distracted. And while Hebner sends Kane back, Orton works over RVD on the floor. And there's HBK with the superkick to Orton. And there's Jericho to send Michaels shoulder first to the ringpost and to roll RVD into the ring. RVD gets out of trouble, spin kicks Jericho, and there's a tag to Kane. Punching both men. Clotheslines for everybody. Tilt-a-whirl slam for the cover, and Jericho makes the save. Kane blocks a double suplex and suplexes both men at once! Flying clothesline to Christian! Kanes wants to choke slam Jericho, but Hebner tries to get Jericho out of the ring...which allows Christian to get the inverted DDT for 2. Chairs in the ring, a Con-Chair-to misses, and Christian gets a face full of chair. HBK pulls Jericho out of the ring. RVD with a flying side kick to Christian. Kane with a choke slam, Van Dam with the Five Star Frog Splash, and Kane covers for the victory at 7:09. Only slightly better than the tag team title match, but pretty much the same type of overbooked schmozz. **
Backstage, Bischoff agrees that this is how he wanted to start the new year. Next week, Regal will take on Jerry Lawler. Bischoff's cell phone rings, and he sounds concerned with lots of "Are you sure"s and "Did he say why"s. That was Vince McMahon's secretary, and he'll be at Raw next week. Uh oh.
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END OF SHOW
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And yes, that was your main event. Your typical tag team match that you see every week and wasn't very good to begin with. Hopefully everybody was lethargic from having two weeks off, but you'd think working house shows over the weekend would have taken care of that.
What is intriguing is Vince McMahon's scheduled appearance for next week. Provided it's merely a one-time shot and put a quick end to the Bischoff abuses power storyline they started tonight, this could make or some great television. As for Lawler vs. Regal...well, as much as I like both of these guys, I don't see any good ever coming out of it.
Final tally on the HHHater Clock was the aforementioned three segments, 20:09. But quite frankly, I should add at least four minutes to that for showing the same video package twice to hype a predictable non-wrestling segment.
Even more important than the HHHater Clock is the wrestling clock, which tonight equals five matches (spanning six segments) for 30:43 (about 3:30 of that commercial time). Add ten minutes to that, drop ten minutes off of the non-wrestling stuff, and make the matches better than what we got and we'll have the start of something.
Nothing stands out as being particularly good tonight, but some things are quite bad. The opening match sucked, the Tag Team Title match was overbooked, the posedown was way too long, and you're actually telling me that Raven was finally allowed back on Raw for the first time in six months and he doesn't make the show at all? They need direction, and they need direction pronto, because if they keep doing shows like these, there might not be an 11th anniversary for Raw. At least not one that has any attendance at all, if the dead crowd tonight is any indication. If you missed this one, consider yourself lucky.
You know where to send the feedback by now.
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