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Tape Reviews
WWF WrestleMania 2
Posted by Retro Rob on Mar 23, 2003, 18:09
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WWF WrestleMania 2
In the spirit of the season, I decided to go back and review one of the old WrestleManias. Since Clint already did the first one and Pete already did 2000, X-7, and X-8, I figured I would choose one that falls in between those. It came down to 2, V or VII. I never actually sat through all of 2, so here we go. Not to mention, the second installment in the series is only two hours. FYI, I'm using the original Coliseum video, not the re-release.
In March of 1985 Vince McMahon struck gold with WrestleMania which emanated from the historical Madison Square Garden. 380,000 people from all over the nation also saw the show from 135 Closed Circuit TV locations. By combining rock 'n' roll with Hulkamania and professional wrestling, the mainstream public had been drawn in. After watching Mr. T and Hulk Hogan defeat Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff, the fans wanted more. Due to this newfound national interest in the WWF, Saturday Night's Main Event marked wrestling's return to network television after a 30 year absence. That was not enough though. The fans didn't only wish to see one hour television shows featuring jobbers, they wanted to be able to watch a "supercard" like WrestleMania from their own homes, so the relationship between professional wrestling and Pay Per View was born. The WWF debuted nationally on PPV with the Wrestling Classic. Essentially this was a one-night tournament, like the King of the Ring, with a WWF Title match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper tacked on as the main attraction.
When March of 1986 rolled around, Vince McMahon decided to expand on his original WrestleMania concept. Instead of it only being aired on CCTV, it would also be available on PPV. He also thought, why only have WrestleMania in ONE city, when it could be in THREE? OK, so that may not have been the most logical idea ever, but it's not like Vince thought of it himself. He actually stole the idea from Jim Crockett, who used it for Starrcade 1985. Either way, this method did largely increase the WWF's profit, but it was a disappointment for the fans that attended the show. For example, the crowd in New York saw all of four matches, only one of which actually reached the 10 minute mark... hell, that one match wasn't even a wrestling match, it was a boxing match. Jim Crockett used a little more foresight when planning Starrcade. First of all, he only used two locations, thus McMahon had to out do him by using three. Crockett also had the talent to pull it off, whereas Vince lacked enough main event stars to headline three separate arenas. For instance, Crockett had two solid main events, with four very over stars: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair and Magnum T.A. vs. Tully Blanchard. On the undercard he had two big tag matches in: Ole & Arn Anderson vs. Wahoo McDaniel & Billy Jack Haynes and The Rock 'n' Roll Express vs. Ivan & Nikita Koloff. That's two headlining matches for each city. Vince was lucky to have one per city. Plus with Crockett, each city had seven matches. The fans that attended WrestleMania 2 got four matches. In conclusion, Vince didn't have the amount of talent that Crockett did to spread out over three shows. Also, Vince let his ego get in the way. He easily could have pulled off huge shows in two arenas, but he had to surpass the opposition, which in turn hurt the ticket-buying fans.
WrestleMania 2
April 5, 1986 live on PPV (7.0)
CCTV drawing 320,000 ($400,000)
Long Island, New York at the Nassau Coliseum drawing 16,585 ($414,615)
Chicago, Illinois at the Rosemont Horizon drawing 9,000 ($294,000)
Los Angeles, California at the Sports Arena drawing 14,500 ($380,000)
Combined Gate: $1,088,615
This year's catchy sub-title: "WrestleMania 2: What The World Has Come To"
Stage One: Nassau Coliseum
Vince McMahon and Susan Saint George are our commentators. Ahh, there is another problem with running one PPV in three cities, lack of commentators that actually know a damn thing about wrestling. After a quick IMDB check, Susan starred in the sitcom "Kate and Allie". You would think that alone doesn't qualify her to work at WrestleMania 2 right? Well, she was also married to NBC bigshot Dick Eberol, who was vital to the Saturday Night Main Event deal. 'Nuff said. Every commentator has that one phrase that they ALWAYS say. Vince had "UNBELIEVABLE", JR has "Slobberknocker", and King has "PUPPIES". Well, Susan's is "Uh-Oh". Yup, quite creative if I do say so myself. I'm going to keep an "Uh-Oh" count going throughout the show.
Don Muraco w/Mr. Fuji vs. Paul Orndorff
Orndorff is dubbed the embarrassment of WrestleMania due to his loss in the prior year's main event. This was towards the end of Paul's run as a face. Muraco was just a roid freak without a push, within the next two years he became a washed-up, roid freak. They trade bodyslams. The crowd is MEGA HOT. Orndorff looks at Fuji and makes "Japanese Eyes". Yeah, that was mature. Susan, "That looks like a challenge to me." Soon thereafter she utters the first UH-OH. Muraco works in the corner. Orndorff retaliates with a backbody drop. He works the arm with an armbar followed by a wristlock. Susan believes that Paul is DEFINITELY winning. Vince astutely adds that Muraco is sweating profusely, which is kind of sad since we are at about the three-minute mark and they really haven't done anything yet. Susan considers the wristlock to be an "Ancient Chinese technique". Will someone please kill her? Muraco finally counters with a samoan drop. Orndorff fires back with some rights, but is sent to the floor. The crowd is eating this right up, but not for long... Muraco goes face first to the post. Meanwhile, the ref counts both men out. (4:35) 1/4* BIG "BULLSHIT" chant ensues. Orndorff continues to threaten Muraco with a *gasp* plastic chair. Dull, pointless match, but the heat was great, so whatever. The UH-OH count reaches 3.
WWF Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs. George Steele
This feud had been going on for several months and would go on up until WrestleMania III. In a nutshell, George Steele had a thing for Elizabeth, but she was of course with Savage, who treated her like dirt on a regular basis. I think that about sums it up. Susan keeps going on about the love triangle, which I just explained in all of one compound sentence. Steele does his bit and chases Savage out of the ring a couple of times. This goes on for about 1:30. Steele finally catches Savage by the leg and bites his calf. Steele comes on to Elizabeth, so Savage hangs him up in the ropes. Savage with some stomping and some choking. Savage flies off the top with a severely botched crossbody for 2. Steele throws Savage to the floor, where Randy crawls under the ring. He pops out the other side and strikes from behind. Steele comesback by biting the arm. Savage eye gouges his way out and brings a bouquet of flowers in the ring. Steele gets whacked in the face with the flowers. Steele gains control of the bouquet and shoves it in Savage's face. And to think we were complaining about the WWE's recent Hardcore division. Steele gets hungry, so he takes a chunk out of the turnbuckle. Savage gets some stuffing in the face. They go back to chasing each other. George stops to chat with Liz. This gives Savage the chance to come off the top with a double axehandle. Back in the ring, Savage hits his elbow drop from the top... AND STEELE KICKS OUT! Susan is shocked, so we get three back-to-back UH-OHs. Steele squeezes Randy's nose and sloppily throws him into the corner. Savage wins out of nowhere with the Flair Pin. (7:10) -**1/2 Why would they destroy the Savage Elbow in THIS match? After seeing Steele kick out of it, Savage's WrestleMania V match doesn't seem as unbelievable. I mean if Steele could kick out of it, why would it be shocking to see "THE IMMORTAL" Hulk Hogan do the same? BTW, the UH-OH count hit six in this match, which brings us to nine overall.
Jake Roberts vs. George Wells
This would mark Jake's first run in the WWF. He had previously been wrestling for regional promotions like Bill Watt's Mid-South Wrestling. George Wells was a rookie wrestler who used to play Canadian Football. This match is pretty much his "claim to fame". Wells starts quickly with a backbody drop. Jake sends him to the floor. That has happened in every match thus far. Wells with some rights and quickly reenters the ring. He follows up with a shoulder block and headbutts Jake down. Vince calls Wells "Jake's toughest opponent to date". What does that tell you about the WWF roster? Wells continues the assault with a flying headscissors and a powerslam for 2. Jake pokes George's eyes. Jake bails, but is chased back in. Jake with a kneelift and a DDT for the pin. (3:06) DUD That was quite sudden. Post-match antics include Jake wrapping his snake around Wells, who starts foaming at the mouth. That can't be good. Susan had two UH-OHs, bringing her count to eleven. The UH-OHs seem to be contagious as Vince also had one.
A recap of the Mr. T-Roddy Piper feud is shown. It all started back at WrestleMania, but that footage is not included. All we see is a confrontation between the two in Phoenix, where Roddy Piper and Cowboy Bob Orton attack Mr. T. .5/1
Roddy Piper is with Bob Orton Jr. and Lou Duva to cut a pre-match promo. This is actually one of my favorite Piper interviews, although it does not hit the WrestleMania VIII level. "I grew my hair long so all the fans could tell the difference between me and Mr. T." "If Mr. T beats me, not only would I quit pro boxing, I would retire from wrestling, quit tiddlywinks, I would even quit dating girls. I'd stick with Orton though." He closes with; "Never will I shave my head like an Indian and paint myself black." Fucking great stuff there. 1.5/2
Elsewhere, Mr. T babbles a mile a minute about how Piper shaved the Haiti Kid's head. Haiti is of course the black midget from WrestleMania III. Joe Frazier was seconding T. Based on this promo, I would imagine Jimmy Hart is the guy who taught T his mic skills. 1.5/3
Boxing Match: Roddy Piper w/Bob Orton Jr. & Lou Duva vs. Mr. T w/Joe Frazier
This is a 10 round match. Each round lasts three minutes. All regulation boxing rules are (supposedly) in effect. I also need to mention that this is one of my favorite WrestleMania matches ever. I'm not exactly sure why it is, but whatever.
Round 1: Piper takes the offense during the feeling-out process. Piper makes contact with a few shots. They end up in the corner a few times and Piper is sure to get an extra shot in during the break each time. Piper is swinging, but T is going peek-a-boo style on him. They brawl into the corner again as time expires. The two are still going at it, so the seconds have to separate them.
Round 2: The ref immediately reprimands Piper, who has a gob of grease on his forehead. The ref wipes it off. Piper must be pissed by that inconvenience because he mauls T with multiple headshots. T spins him into the corner, but Piper gets a few low shots in. T is bent over and after a taking a few more hits, falls to the mat. Piper trash talks the ref for a while. Finally the ref counts, as T makes it to his feet by 8. Only 20 seconds remain. Meanwhile, the crowd is HEAVILY behind the WWF's biggest heel Roddy Piper. Typical New Yorkers. Piper knocks T to his knees again. T is up at 4 as time runs out. Damn good round.
Round 3: Piper showboats by shuffling around the ring. T finally connects with some heavy bodyshots. Piper is down in the corner. T with a BIG left that knocks Roddy down again. He makes it back up at 8. T keeps on him. He decks Piper with a right, which sends Roddy to the floor. Orton helps Piper into the ring by a 9 count. 30 seconds remain as Piper is out on his feet. Time expires. It was more fun when Piper was kicking ass.
Round 4: Before the bell rings, Piper throws his wooden stool into T's corner. They slug it out for a pretty long time. Piper knocks T's mouthpiece out. T begins to dominate, so Piper knocks the ref down. Piper's innate skill to wrestle must be kicking in seeing how he bodyslams T, which believe it or not is grounds for a DQ. (10:15) **3/4 Piper strikes again after the bell had rung. This match was mostly based on entertainment and making the boxing look legitimate. I had to knock a little off for that lame finish. Either way, this match is great fun. Roddy Piper doesn't think so though. According to his autobiography, Piper was pissed off with the booking for this match and had better ideas for it. He also has heat with Mr. T. As for why I love this match, I'm still not entirely sure. I think it mostly has to do with the nostalgia and the fact that the "boxing" wasn't half bad.
Susan was quite impressed with Piper's boxing skills. She speaks as if her assessment means a damn thing.
That closes out WrestleMania 2 in New York. Just to tie back to my opening paragraphs, if I paid money to see this show live I would have been pissed. In total, there was 24 minutes of wrestling. Now that is more than we see on Raw each week, but keep in mind, there was ONE clean finish and that finish was in a three minute squash. Let's see how part two fairs.
Stage 2: Rosemont Horizon
Our hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby. Not to worry though, unlike Susan, Cathy Lee tends to keep her mouth shut.
WWF Women's Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre
Back in the day, the WWF actually had an extensive women's division. Velvet McIntyre is a prime example of that. She is proof that there was actually an infrastructure to the division. For you see, she was at the very bottom of it. Moolah was still old in 1986. Moolah hits a few hair pull takedowns right off the bat. McIntyre with a couple of one-footed dropkicks. She misses a splash off the top and Moolah covers. (0:59) DUD I never said the women's division was talented, I just said it was large.
Flag Match: Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/Freddie Blassie
This is not the flag match that we are all accustomed to. In this variation of it, the winner of the match gets "possession" of his own flag and his opponent's. From there the winner generally waves around his own flag and does something dastardly to his opponent's. I think I lost a few IQ points after writing that. Volkoff has won a previous flag match against the Corporal a few months earlier on Saturday Night's Main Event, so naturally they would fight again at the biggest show of the year. A healthy USA chant starts before the match even begins. Volkoff throws Kirschner out, where he whips him into the ring post. Kirschner gigs 20 seconds into the match. I can already tell this is going to be an epic. Blassie earns his paycheck by taunting out fallen hero. Back in, Kirschner comesback with some punches, but accidentally knocks the ref down. Kirschner intercepts Blassie's cane, whacks Volkoff with it and pins him for the 3. (1:35) DUD The Corporal waves Old Glory and doesn't even bother taking Volkoff's flag. And to think, I was feeling bad for the New York crowd.
Mean Gene is with the NFL Rookie of Year for 1985, Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons, and Big John Studd. They hype the upcoming wrestlers vs. football players battle royale. Fralic calls Studd a "Big Dud". I reckon those be fightin� words. Studd says that football players need to learn some class. He proceeds to squash a football. BTW, isn't Fralic a little on the small side to be playing in the NFL? 2/4
20 Man Battle Royale
The WWF Superstars are Andre the Giant, Ted Arcidi, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Bret Hart, Hillbilly Jim, Iron Sheik, King Tonga, Pedro Morales, Jim Neidhart, Bruno Sammartino, Dan Spivey and Big John Studd. King Tonga is also known as Meng or Haku. And just as a cheap plug, you may remember Spivey from that **** match he had at WCW WrestleWar 1991 against Lex Luger.
The NFL players are Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin and "The Refrigerator" William Perry. Perry and Covert are the most over seeing how they played for the Chicago Bears at the time.
Our guest timekeeper is Claire Peller, who is most well known for her "Where's the Beef?" Wendy's commercials. Dick Butkus and Ed "Too Tall" Jones are the referees. Lastly, as if three comentators wasn't enough, "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd joins the merry gang. Actually I take that back, Crosby barely says anything and I like Ladd. Ernie played in the NFL and got involved in wrestling. He is most famous for his feud with Andre the Giant in Watt's Mid-South. On to the match.
According to Gorilla, the combined weight of all the participants is 5,612 lbs., which makes the average weight 280 lbs. Going by that, Fralic doesn't stand a chance. Everyone goes after Perry. Covert saves his teammate. Jimbo and Tonga fight near the ropes and are thrown over by Fralic ala HBK with Yokozuna and Vader in the 1996 Rumble. Sammartino gets rid of Ernie Holmes. Andre chops Studd in the corner. This IS action personified, at least that's what Gorilla thinks. Andre goes after Fralic, who grabs hold of the ropes. Fralic would be an AWESOME heel. I'm almost disappointed he didn't hide under the ring for the most of the match like Jimmy Hart had done many times in the past. Brunzell gets eliminated by a few guys, including his own partner. Perry disposes of Atlas and heads over to Studd. Studd pounds the shit out of him to great heat. Martin and Morales cause each other to go out. Arcidi is thrown out by a handful of guys. The Iron Sheik miraculously gets rid of Blair, Hillbilly Jim and Dan Spivey. Quite a feat. Fralic is the next to go courtesy of Studd and the Sheik. Too bad, I was starting to get behind him. Studd pushes the Sheik out. The Hart Foundation is left beating up Perry. Sammartino is paired off with Studd and Andre is fighting Francis. Studd pokes Bruno's eye and dumps him. Perry tackles both Bret and Neidhart. They both go over the top, but land on the apron. Fridge tackles Studd as well, but ends up going over the top. He offers his hand to Studd, who accepts and is PULLED out of the ring. HUGE POP for that one. How could a bonafide heel like Studd fall for the oldest trick in the book?
Final Four: It all comes down to Andre, Russ Francis and the Hart Foundation. Hmmm... I wonder who will be wining this one. Andre takes on all three guys. The Harts double dropkick Andre, causing him to get caught up in the ropes. Meanwhile, they doubleteam Francis. Andre frees himself and eliminates Francis. The Harts work Andre over, but Bret runs into a boot in the corner. Double noggin knocker for the heels. Andre boots Neidhart, who essentially eliminates himself. It's shocking that Andre was actually able to wrestle for another four years. Hart gets caught up top and is thrown to the floor, on top of Neidhart. (9:13) *1/2 This match had a few minor highlights like Fralic's performance and Perry driving the crowd crazy by tackling everyone. Interesting how all the highlights came from football players. Overall though this was pretty dull, especially the Final Four bit.
WWF Tag-Team Titles: The Dream Team w/Johnny Valiant vs. The British Bulldogs w/Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne
Not much of a backstory to this match besides that the Bulldogs were the most over tag-team in the company and the champions were heels, so there you go. The two teams had been wrestling across the country for months prior. The Dream Team consists of Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake, or a load of shit, as Dynamite likes to call him. As for Ozzy's participation, it's WrestleMania and he was probably the only celebrity in town. Also, for those of you who think Jacko looks like a woman, Ozzy was the pushing the envelope here. The pink business suit and pants ensemble doesn't help much either. Smith and Valentine trade shots. Davey Boy works the arm. The Hammer counters with a headlock, but misses an elbow drop. Dynamite tags and sends Valentine to the turnbuckle for 2. Dynamite shoulderblocks him to corner. He proceeds to stomp a mudhole in Greg. Snap suplex and Smith is back. They block one-another's suplexes until finally Davey hits his hanging vertical suplex for 2. Valentine walks out to chat with Valiant. Albano tries to stir up some shit. Valentine with some forearms in the corner and a headbutt to the midsection. Beefcake gets the tag. He works the arm until Davey escapes with a military press slam. Dynamite is back to CHOP... HIM... DOWN for 2. A small package also gets 2. Smith is in. Brutus is down for 2 yet again after a fisherman's suplex. Valentine makes a blind tag. He delivers a fistdrop from the top. He also gets a nearfall off a suplex. This time Dynamite gets a blind tag. The two slug it out for a while, but Dynamite connects with a series of shoulders in the corner for 2. The Dream Team doubleteam Dynamite, which results in a nearfall. Beefcake is illegally in the ring and the ref actually catches him. That's a rarity right there� COMPETENT OFFICIATING. Sounds like an oxymoron. Dynamite with a sunset flip followed by a backbreaker. Brutus breaks up the pin. More nearfalls result. Meanwhile, Gene notes that "Ozzy Osbourne is shaking at ringside". I guess he didn't get his daily crack fix or something. Valentine hits an ultra-SWANK piledriver for a long 2. He covers again, but Dynamite escapes. Just as a sidenote, Valentine used to constantly bitch and moan about Dynamite's suplexes and piledrivers and how because of them he couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Dynamite could give a shit because "they were good moves". And that ladies and gentleman is why Tom Billington is THE MAN. He will sacrifice himself and everyone around him to put on quality matches. Speaking of THE MAN, he just low blowed Valentine. A cheating babyface in the 80s... very cool. The Hammer gets caught up top and is slammed to the mat for 2. Both Brutus and Smith join in the action. Beefcake is thrown to the floor. Smith goes to military press slam Dynamite on to Valentine, but Greg rolls out. Valentine pounds away on Smith, who comesback with a running powerslam for 2. A suplex also gets 2. Valentine whips Smith shoulder first to the post. The Hammer stomps away on his shoulder. Beefcake tags and enters with a double axehandle from the top. He applies a hammerlock, literally THROWS Smith up in the air, who then lands square on his arm. That was SICKENING. Beefcake drives Davey Boy's shoulder to the turnbuckle and tags Valentine. Greg hits an elbow off the top. He delivers a shoulderbreaker, covers, but PICKS HIM UP at 2. Sorry Greg, but that NEVER works for the heels in a title match. May as well kiss those belts goodbye. Meanwhile, Dynamite is perched on the top. Smith whips Valentine into the corner, where he collides heads with Dynamite. Dynamite takes a nasty bump to the concrete, as Valentine falls backwards into the ring. Smith covers for the Bulldogs first and last WWF Tag-Team Title run. (11:48) ***3/4 What can I say? I'm a Dynamite Kid mark. This match is interesting because it does not follow the current format of a tag-team match. How often do you see the faces completely dominate the heels for about 8 minutes? Plus even when Davey Boy was getting taken apart towards the end, there was never a hot tag to Dynamite. Personally, I enjoy watching these mid-80's WWF tag matches because the workers were great and there was no set template to follow. As for why the Bulldogs only won the titles once, they spent way too much time in Japan for the WWF to invest so much money in them. Simple as that.
That's all for Chicago. Now if I bought tickets for this show, I probably wouldn't have been too pissed off overall. Although there was a great match on the card, it lacked any real star power since both Savage and Piper were in New York and Hogan was in Los Angeles. Vince probably should have switched the boxing match with the flag match or something, this way each show had one of the big three names on it. Overall wrestling time totaled about 26 minutes.
Stage 3: Sports Arena
As far as the WWF is concerned, the Sports Arena is best known for being the bastard host of WrestleMania VII. Vince was hoping to sell out a much larger arena due to using the Gulf War as the basis for Hogan-Slaughter. The fans weren't as receptive as he originally expected, so instead of nonchalantly changing the location, what does he do? Why announce that a bomb threat was made for the day of WrestleMania of course. Gotta love that ego.
Our final group of announcers are Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes (WHY????), and Elvira. You may remember Elvira from the millions of late night horror movies she hosted. Or you may remember her cleavage. Either way, I'm pretty sure everyone knows who she is.
Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez
Hercules is no where near as built as he was at future Mania's. I would imagine he was still new to the WWF and didn't get HEAVILY involved in substance abuse yet. It's amazing that Steamboat, one of the best in the business, was not only wasted at WrestleMania I, but also at WrestleMania 2. Hercules hammers away. Steamboat slides between his legs a few times. Herc gets chopped down to the mat. Ricky follows up with some armdrags. He works the arm for a while. Steamboat flips out of a backbreaker and hits a crescent kick. Back to the arm. Hernandez finally breaks the hold, but is caught with a back elbow and a vertical suplex. Ricky with an armbar, but is quickly sent face first to the turnbuckle. Hercules connects with a clothesline and a stun gun. The crown chants for the Dragon, who starts to mount some offense. Steamboat lifts Herc up for a slam, but collapses. Herc gets 2. Elvira goes as far to say that this is even too gruesome for her. I admit that it's nothing special honey, but it's not THAT bad. Just hold out until the main event. Hernandez with a couple of elbow drops for 2. Steamboat chops and is caught with a clothesline for 2. Herc covers again for 2. Hercules picks him up for a military press slam. Hernandez comes off the top with a splash, but Ricky gets his knees up. Steamboat wins it with a crossbody off the top. (7:26) *1/2 That was quite sudden. Way too much punching from Hercules and the finish came out of nowhere.
Uncle Elmer vs. Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart
Elmer is a fat guy that wrestled in Japan. Since he is big and bearded Vince had him join the hillbilly family. Adonis was still in his transvestite stage. Elmer is all over Adonis, who does a FLAIR FLIP! From there Adrian falls through the ropes to the floor. Back in, Elmer tears off the dress or "finery" as Alfred eloquently puts it. Elmer headbutts Adonis, which causes him to get tied in the ropes. This man is the KING of cartoon selling. Meanwhile, Elvira pleads for Adonis to put the dress back on. Elmer hits his avalanche, but misses the legdrop. Adonis flies off the top with a "splash" for 3. (3:03) 1/4* Yeah the match was horrid, but Adonis deserves some credit for selling like he did. The guy used to be a decent wrestler until he put on a shitload of weight. Even when he weighed 300+ lbs., he bumped his ass off like nobody else. You gotta respect that on some level.
The Funk Brothers w/Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog
The Funk Brothers are of course Terry and Dory Jr., except for whatever reason McMahon decided to call Dory "Hoss Funk". Terry and JYD had been feuding for months prior, so this is essentially the blowoff. Hoss starts with some uppercuts on JYD. Terry throws himself into the ring for no apparent reason. JYD whips Hoss into Terry. Slams for both Funks. The faces clean house. Tito and Terry tag in. Funk with some stiff chops, but is clotheslined over the top to the floor. Hoss runs in and is dropkicked a few times. Back in, JYD tags. He pounds Funk into the turnbuckle 10 times, then does it again on the opposite turnbuckle. JYD gets 2 off a headbutt. Funk is thrown over the top. Terry is bumping his ass all over the place tonight. At least someone understands that this is MOTHERFUCKING WRESTLEMANIA. Hoss comes in and the faces work him over in the corner. WOW, I haven't written that line many times. Like I said before, these matches are lots of fun because they don't follow any standard template. Hoss is caught with Tito's flying forearm. Terry makes the save, but Santana mounts him and gets a few shots in. I haven't seen that one before. Terry slides out as Hoss and Tito put on a little CRISS-CROSS ACTION~! Terry strikes Tito from behind. Terry tags and dumps Tito. Hart gets a few shots in until JYD chases him off. Terry stomps Tito back down from the apron. Hart once again stomps him, same result as before. Back in, Terry suplexes him for 2. Terry scuffles with referee Dave Hebner over the count. Tito counters a second suplex and delivers one of his own. Both men collide into each other. Fortunately, Funk falls into his own corner and quickly tags Hoss in. A double-underhook suplex gets 2. Hoss holds Tito back from making the tag. Terry is back and the brothers hit a double clothesline. Terry gets a looong 2 from a standing legdrop. He goes for a second, but Tito rolls out of the way. JYD gets the SUPER HOT TAG. Double noggin knocker for the Funks. Terry pulls a chain out from somewhere and chokes JYD. JYD headbutts his way out. Terry takes a SICKENING backbody drop to the floor. He without a doubt earned that nights pay. JYD keeps on Hoss outside the ring. Funk is slammed on a TABLE and falls on to a bunch of CHAIRS. That ladies and gentlemen is the first HARDCORE spot at a WrestleMania. Sadly it would be several years until you see another one. Terry rolls back into the ring where JYD is waiting for him. Hart hops on the apron, but is slapped off. JYD actually pulls out a small package. Hoss makes the save. Tito runs in and applies a Figure Four on Hoss. The ref breaks it up and reprimands Tito. You know the drill... Hart throws the megaphone to Terry. Funk bops JYD with it and covers for the 3. (11:56) ***1/2 I know that sounds a little high considering the participants, but JYD did next to nothing. Him and Tito were like the Hogan/Edge tag team. The other plus was Terry bumping left and right. He also kept his goofy selling in line as far as I could see. That makes two very good tag matches on this show.
Hulk Hogan lifts weights with Hillbilly Jim while Gene recaps the history between Hogan and Bundy. Fortunately for us, the entire history took place in a matter of five minutes. On SNME, Bundy rescued Heenan from Hogan. Don Muraco ran out and held Hogan in place for NOT ONE... NOT TWO... BUT THREE devastating avalanches. As if that wasn't enough, Bundy also got two splashes in for good measure. Looking at it objectively, that angle was actually a pretty good way to build to the title match. 2.5/5
WWF Title- Cage Match: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy w/Bobby Heenan
Like every other WWF cage match from this era, this one is escape only. Hogan has his ribs taped from the attack. Hogan gets the better end of a slugfest. He nails Bundy, who hits the cage. BIG BOOT! That was early. Hogan chokes Bundy with his own shoulder strap. I'll never understand exactly how Hogan could have been the biggest babyface in the 80s. The guy is constantly cheating. They tease going to the cage. This gives Bundy the chance to get a rib shot in. Bundy slams him and walks to the door. Hogan saves, but is driven into the cage. Hogan once again stops him. Bundy pulls the tape off of Hogan and chokes him with it. He goes as far as to tie Hogan to the bottom rope. Hogan is immortal though, so he could escape Bundy's sloppy knot. Hogan sends Bundy face first to the cage. In a cool spot Heenan stands in front of the camera while Bundy blades. Bundy goes to the cage a few more times. Hogan attempts a slam, but Bundy falls on top of him. Bundy crawls to the door. Hogan stops him by choking him with the tape. I'm embarrassed to say that a cheating SOB like Hogan represents my country. Bundy connects with the avalanche and a splash. Hogan seems to be seizing... oh no, he's just starting to HULK UP~!. The HULK UP~! continues...BUT WAIT... Bundy hit another avalanche! Not to worry, the HULK UP is 100% complete now, so the 450 pounder's avalanche had no effect. Hogan channels the power of the Hulkamaniacs and slams Bundy. The legdrop follows. Hogan climbs the cage, but so does Bundy and Heenan. Bundy is stomped off the top rope on to the mat. Hogan makes it out before Bundy reaches the door. (10:15) *1/4 Heenan takes the biggest bump of the night after the match when Hogan flings him into the cage. He also goes shoulder first to the post and falls from the floor. The match itself was surprisingly inoffensive and sadly better than half the card.
The LA crowd got 33 minutes of wrestling. They had one very good match. The main event did not whole-heartedly suck and was not THAT boring. That is basically all you can ask from a Hogan vs. Big Fat Heel match.
To close of the tape, there is a pretty good (and long) commercial for all the other WWF Coliseum Videos. 3/6
THIS IS IT
A lot of people utterly hate this show. Now maybe I got lucky since I own the two hour version. Since I never saw the full show, I can only critique it as a two hour show. Within those two hours there was 80 minutes of wrestling. We had two ***1/2+ matches and a fun boxing match. Those three matches were also three of the four longest matches on the tape. On the flip side, the Intercontinental Title match was pitiful, there were a slew of squashes and short matches and the main event was good for a Hogan match, but very bad when compared to what a main event should be. Especially a WrestleMania main event.
I definitely do not recommend picking up the WWF Home Video version, which runs about three hours. In conclusion, lets call the Coliseum version mildly recommended for the three good matches and to see Vince try and fail to out do the NWA.
On the docks: Right now I'm leaning towards Superbrawl I, but nothing is set in stone. The dark horse has to be RF Video's: The Crockett Years Vol. 1. If you have any preference e-mail me.
BTW, I didn't shaft Confidential in order to finish this. Confidential should be up later tonight.
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