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SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak (9/23/2005)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Sep 25, 2005, 10:16
Friday Night SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (9/23/2005)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
We're going right into it this week, guys. I was in the hospital earlier this week because of an infection in my leg, so I'm tired and cranky and really don't feel like even being awake right now. So I'm probably not going into as great of detail as I normally would.
Tonight: Some stuff happens that leads to some other stuff.
Taped 9/21/2005 from the campus of Texas Tech University. Tonight's main event: MNM vs. Batista and Eddy Guerrero? Huh?
One fall: Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. Christian
Pretty close to Booker's home town, so knowing WWE this is a sure loss. Feeling out process to start. Christian is sent backing off thanks to a nice hiptoss. Christian goes for a hiptoss, but Booker blocks it and clotheslines Captain Charisma to the mat. Christian immediately heads to the floor for a timeout, Booker follows him, and that was Christian's plan, as he catches Booker coming back in. Booker almost immediately regains control until he does the countalong punches in the corner, as Christian brings him down and covers for 2. And Christian is immediately into cheating heel mode. Christian with 2 off a hair pull takedown. Christian trips Booker up and uses the ropes for the cover, and Sharmell finally makes her useful by screaming at Nick Patrick until he sees it and stops the count. Booker begins to make the comeback. Leg lariat for 2. Flapjack, but Christian's kick stops the Spinnaroonie. Christian rolls through Booker's attempted Brisco sunset flip, but Booker comes right back and fights into another near fall. Christian with a clothesline, then he asks Patrick to check on Booker so he can loosen the top turnbuckle pad. Sharmell bitches at Patrick, and Booker hits the Book End but can only get 2 because Patrick is trying to fix the pad. Spinnaroonie. More cheating by Christian, which again brings Sharmell to the apron, allowing Christian to ram Booker's shoulder into the ringpost. Christian goes for the Unprettier, but Booker shoves him into the ropes, where Sharmell's waiting to trip him up. The distraction is enough for Booker to roll him up for the pin at 9:27. Postmatch, Booker asks what happens, but she basically says "You won, so who cares?"
Theodore Long and Palmer Cannon come in to find Eddy Guerrero clutching at his stomach, apparently cramps, but refusing to skip tonight's match...before running into the back and vomiting. Riiiiiiiiiiigght.
A pretty solid opening match, although I've seen heel managers who never got involved in a match as much as Sharmell did in this one. But finally Sharmell's needless interfering led to a win for Booker T, rather than a loss, giving Booker some much needed momentum and a storyline: How much of Sharmell's involvement is he willing to take before he hits the breaking point?
Jillian Hall introduces the new and improved John Bradshaw Layfield. He's a "true cowboy", so he rides in on a horse. Do real cowboys have that much trouble staying on the saddle? Of course, no matter the gimmick, the crowd thinks he still sucks. "The very smart and beau--intelligent Miss Jillian..." JBL still likes New York compared to Texas, but Texas can claim to be JBL's birthplace, so they're not bad either. He even gets some George Bush cracks in. Of course, being American, fathers don't lie to sons, which must mean the feud with Rey Misterio Jr.'s going to continue.
LOD 2K5 is in action next, and Rey takes on Ken Kennedy later tonight.
Well, the new look has taken care of JBL's confidence problem, but other than that, it's the exact same JBL promo we've been getting for the last year and a half. Just put him back in the limo next week and be done with it.
Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Road Warrior Animal and Heidenreich (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs. Jared Steel and Anthony Colletti
And per usual, another squash for the champions. Heidenreich pins Steel with the Doomsday Device in 1:09.
Sylvan ridicules the outfits of Stacy Keibler and Christy Hemme. Hardcore Holly tells Sylvain he's perfectly color-coordinated with his black outfit except for one thing: a black eye.
*YAWN* Wake me when they actually bother to these titles on a team that isn't put together for the sake of selling DVDs.
One fall: Sylvan vs. Hardcore Holly (w/Stacy Keibler and Christy Hemme
How did this guy survive the firing spree? Sylvan attacks before the bell. Holly comes back with a series of about 475 chops. Sylvan sends Holly over the top rope, but quickly brings Hardcore back into the ring. Sylvan goes into cheat to win tactics. Vertical suplex for 1. Kneedrop for 2. Holly reverses a whip and hits his sweet dropkick. Hardcore with a series of clotheslines and a backdrop. Full nelson slam. He goes for the Alabama Slam, but Sylvan hits the ribs and rolls into a sunset flip for 2. Nice counter. Sylvan hits a missile dropkick, then decides to pose instead of cover, enabling Holly to catch him with a right hand. Sylvan then walks toward the back to get himself counted out at 4:36.
Batista is working the weights when Teddy Long tells him about Eddy's condition, but Batista tells him the best doctor in town is on the way to see him. He ain't buying it.
Actually not the total piece of crap I was expecting, as Sylvan now has one good move in his arsenal with that missile dropkick. I guess the main story of the match is this: Punch the model in the face, get the cheap countout victory. I'll have to remember that if I ever wrestle Sylvan.
Randy Orton and Bob Orton Jr. set up for a funeral while we show the clips of last week's Undertaker-Randy Orton battle. Back live, Randy gets his own entrance anyway. This seems like a waste of time since they already showed him helping set this up, doesn't it? And of course, we open the casket to reveal the same likeness of The Undertaker that was in the casket last week. BUT WAIT! The mannequin in the casket is opening its eyes! It's not a mannequin at all! It's The Undertaker! Um, Randy, shut the hell up before that "mannequin" fucks you up! Sure enough, he reaches up and grabs him by the throat, using Randy Orton to destroy the makeshift set.
Um...since Orton's mind games didn't actually work last week...um...what the hell was the point? Seriously, Undertaker's won two of the three TV/PPV matches now, and with this mind games thing not actually helping Orton win last week, why did they just waste our time?
Moments ago...WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
One fall with a 20-minute time limit: Ken Kennedy vs. Rey Misterio Jr.
Kennedy actually praises Tony Chimmel for his announcing job and apologizes for his behavior. Then he ball taps him and says he still sucks. Then he does his own intro, complete with mic dropping from the ceiling. "Yep, gained another pound. The Simon System actually works!" Cole: "Who does he think he is, Joe McHugh?" Rey keeps Kennedy off-guar with his speedy offense in the early going. A rolling stunner of sorts nets Rey a near fall. Kennedy takes control with a backbreaker. And the back is officially Kennedy's target of choice. Rey comes back with a springboard bodyblock for 1, but Kennedy hangs on and drives Rey with a twisting uranage for 2. Rey begins making a comeback, getting the seated senton for 2. Rey goes for his flippy bulldog, but Kennedy counters into a back suplex for 2. Kennedy charges but misses, and Rey misses the 6-1-9 but manages to work into a realistic looking guillotine legdrop. Out comes JBL on his horse as Rey climbs up top, and that distracts Rey enough for Kennedy to get his rolling Samoan drop for the pin at 5:20.
Still to come, Chris Benoit defends the United States Title against Orlando Jordan. AGAIN? Plus, Eddy and Batista against MNM is tonight's main event.
And yes, I was obviously right in thinking that JBL made an offhand comment about Rey during his in-ring promo earlier tonight. The distraction mars what was otherwise a damn fine match, and I'm really getting into Kennedy's matches as well as his character.
The Raw Rebound focuses on the WWE Title situation.
Long and Cannon discuss what SmackDown will do to be part of the Raw Homecoming.
Sharmell tries to convince Booker to go for some gold, and she finally wonders out loud why Chris Benoit won't have a friendly title match with Booker. Wow, they remember doing that two weeks ago.
The trainer tells Eddy he has no symptoms, so a hot nurse checks on Eddy.
Nothing much to say here, but I gotta admit I like Batista's idea for the best doctor in town.
One fall: Simon Dean (on the Simon Scooter) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/a long list of amateur credentials)
Simon's impressed with this physical specimen. Dude, he did a chin-up into the ring. Lashley outpowers Dean early. Dean with a kick for a cheap shot, but Lashley reverses it and gets a shoulderblock, followed by a waistlock takedown and...um...repeatedly pulling Simon off the mat just to drop him on his face. Simon finally gets control and actually gets a one count in, and he tries to shoot the half, so Lashley does push-ups before standing up and driving Simon into the corner. A series of running forearms, then a gutwrench into an over-the-shoulder faceslam for the pin at 2:48. And that's a good reaction for the newcomer.
I'll say this. It's hard to see exactly how good Lashley is from what was basically a glorifed squash. But the dude's got some power, and if he truly has the amateur credentials he's being hyped as having, you've quite possibly got the next big thing on your hands right here.
One fall for the WWE United States Championship: Chris Benoit� vs. Orlando Jordan
Jordan rusn to survive longer, but he celebrates when he sees the clock. Crippler Crossface, Benoit wins in 49.8 seconds. Well, at least they did something different with it.
Eddy gets a massage, which Batista takes over, so Eddy immediately gets his cramos again. Batista brings in Dr. Barnett, apparently a play on Jim Barnett, as he's clearly gay and violates Eddy.
OK, we get it. Next challenger, please. Seriously, it worked at SummerSlam because of the shock value. Now it's just burying Jordan and it isn't helping Benoit any. Let's move on.
Never mind about liking Batista's idea for the best doctor in town.
We've announced Randy and Bob Orton vs. The Undertaker in a handicap casket match for No Mercy. Oh yay. ::rolls eyes::
One fall: MNM (w/Melina) vs. Batista (World Heavyweight Champion) and Eddy Guerrero
Eddy finally makes his way to the ring, walking a little funny. Until Eddy makes his way to the ring, it's gonna start off as a handicap match. Batista works over both members of MNM, but the camera focuses almost as much on Eddy anyway. Batista with a choke lift on Mercury, and Nitro superkicks him in the back for the heels to finally take control. A series of reverse neckbreakers by Mercury nets a two count. Batista uses his power to regain control, and he basically dominates both opponents again. The Batista Bomb to Mercury, and Eddy tags himself in to get the pin at 5:57. Eddy hands Batista the belt and raises his hand as the champion stares at him in disbelief.
END OF SHOW
OK, what the fuck did MNM do to piss the creative team off? This is the one tag team with any shred of credibility to get the belts off of Animal and Heidenreich, and they essentially lost to a handicap match in under six minutes. I know, technically it was a tag team match, but it was literally all Batista before the final pin. They can't keep burying the tag teams and the cruiserweights to further the main events, because it takes away any interest in buying pay-per-views for the undercard.
Overall, an average show. I mean, there was some good. A couple of good matches and a couple of newcomers being pushed pretty strong. Then there's the bad, with people being buried for no reason than to do it. Know what I miss? I miss when the idea was to push everybody as being somewhat strong so the matches actually had some element of doubt to it.
Of course, the last WWFE booker who knew how to do that is dead, and the one before that thought he was writing a soap opera instead of a wrestling show.
But if you disagree, let me know here.