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Wrestling > WWE

Velocity Valuation: March 18th, 2006
Posted by Chris "KC" Bacon on Mar 22, 2006, 03:12

Making pretty good time this week, it's Velocity! This didn't take me 3 days, don't misunderstand, I don't see the Saturday edition so this is hopefully going to be the new regular time for Velocity. It's achived on the website though, so let's see if there's anything worth watching this week.


Vito w/Nunzio -vs- Tatanka

Vito comes to the ring wearing a suit with no shirt or tie, which just looks odd. Nunzio has his ring gear on. Why isn't clear, but whatever, he's a wrestler. And still, Tatanka's music makes me laugh when I hear it. It's 2006, people. 2006.

Vito shoots for a leg, but it's a lock-up to start. Side headlock by Vito. Off to the ropes and Vito knocks down Tatanka with a shoulderblock. Tatanka drops down though, hitting a hiptoss. Scoop and a slam from Tatanka. And it's chop time. Whoo, I guess. Standing dropkick by Tatanka. Vito pulls himself up in the corner and gets kicked as a result. Another chop. Whip and Vito crashes into the corner. More kicks. Second verse, same as the first as Vito goes back to the other corner. Nunzio has seen enough and climbs to the apron. And the distraction allows Vito to land a hard right hand to put Tatanka down. Vito clubbers, then pulls Tatanka up and whips him into a clothesline. Vertical suplex by Vito. Vito vaults over the ropes and climbs up top, showing a little agility in the process. BIG Macho Elbow! Vito is fired up! OOOHH YYEAAH! Sorry, had to be done. Cover only gets 2 though. Vito goes Tyson on Tatanka with an ear bite. Punch blocked though and Tatanka throws overhand chops, backing Vito up. Whip to the corner. Vito elbows Tatanka running in though. Big scoop slam on the pretty big Tatanka. Vader Bomb! Or, Vito Bomb, I guess. Only a 2. Vito with an arm whip and a rear chinlock. And it was going so well. Eventually Tatanka fights back and the crowd are surprisingly vocal. Vito pulls him down by the hair, but misses a legdrop. Scoop and a slam by Tatanka. Tribal yelp thing and Tatanka lands a legdrop. Whip and a back elbow. Knifedge chop. Whip again, into a backbody drop. Tatanka skips around the ring, Native American style...Tomahawk Chop. 1, 2 and a no. So Tatanka climbs up top. But he leaps right into a thrust kick from Vito! Vito calls Nunzio onto the apron, but predictably they end up butting heads and the Trail's End gets the 3 for Tatanka.


Better than I expected, actually. I forget who Vito pissed off and what he did, but I don't think he's done anything but the J.O.B since.

STILL TO COME: Fatal Fourway action, to crown the #1 Contender to the Cruiserweight Title. Kid Kash vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Paul London vs. Jamie Noble!

-Smackdown Recap-

But before that, it's Lumberjack Match time as Lashley takes on Finlay. Joined of course in progress, Finlay puts the punches to Lashley, but Lashley does not feel them! So Finlay lowbridges him to the outside and the heel lumberjacks (Gymini, Orlando Jordan, Kid Kash, Jamie Noble, Vito, Nunzio, William Regal and Sylvian) put the boots to him, with Simon Dean cheering on. Back in goes Lashley and Finlay lands some hard forearms and fists before gouging at the eyes. Finlay LUNGES himself into the ringpost shoulder first though. Lashley mows Finlay down, then tosses him overhead with a belly to belly. Double leg and spears in the corner. Running clothesline in the corner gets a 2 count. Lashley hits a one armed delayed vertical and the fans seem to be getting into him, which is good news. Press slam, out into the lumberjacks! Lashley mounts Finlay on the floor and the heels go to work, but Lashley destroys them all! Finlay begs off in the ring as Sylvian comes in with a chair, but gets speared the hell down...allowing Finaly to just NAIL Lashley with the shillelagh!! Cover gets the 3 and Finlay is in the Money In The Bank Match!

Man, I'm such a fan of Finlay. He made Lashley look like a real force yet again and we're finally seeing potential coming out in Lashley. Amazing what a smartly booked feud can do, eh?

Oh, by the way, Verne Gagne's gonna be in the Hall Of Fame. Moving on...

The Gymini w/Simon Dean -vs- The Mexicools

Pre-match and Dean has the microphone. Tonight, the crowd are in for a treat, because Gymini are going to put on 'a clinic'. I'm sure he doesn't mean a wrestling clinic. Maybe a drug clinic? Gymini are the best physical specimins in the entire tag team division apparantly...which isn't saing much, but whatever. Dean runs down The Mexicools for being out of shape for eating Mexican food and claims the winning ingredient tonight will be the patented Simon System. Anyway, last week Super Crazy beat Simon so this could be considered continuity. Could.

I don't know which Gymini guy is which, but it's 'Gymini 1' in with Psicosis. "Simon Sucks" chant. Somebody's given Simon a whistle on the outside which makes me miss Bill Alfonso. Lock-up, headlock, push off to the ropes and Gymini 1 lands a shoulder block. That happens way too often...two in two for tonight so far. Gymini 1 shoves Psicosis down afterwards too. Waistlock escaped by Gymini 1, but he misses a clothesline and Psicosis hits a headscissors without actually scissoring the head. Ugh. Whip by Psicosis, hiptoss blocked, clothesline ducked and an arm wringer from Psicosis. Tag to Crazy, who lands a double axehandle to the arm. Whip by Crazy, reversed. Crazy puts on the brakes and lands a boot, but the ref is distracted for some reason and Crazy gets tripped and pulled to the floor by the other Gymini. Back inside for a 2 count. Tag. Gymini 2 in and he lands forearms. Head-first to the turnbuckle and over the ropes at the same time goes Crazy. Gymini 1 sends Crazy back in. Gymini 2 with a butterfly suplex for 2. In the corner, kick from Crazy blocked, but he lands a kick to the top of the dome. Right hand. But Crazy runs into a hiptoss DDT for 2. Tag. Gymini 1 in with a ground waistlock, adjusted into a bearhug. Crazy's selling this bearhug better than anyone in years too. Earclaps, but Crazy is thrown down by the hair for 2. Elbow misses. Tag and Gymini 2 cuts Crazy off. Scoop and a...escape. But Gymini 2 lands a boot. Crazy escapes a powerbomb however, hitting a Tornado DDT! Double tag. Psicosis in with a dropkick to Gymini 1. And again. Spinning wheel kick! Whip to the corner and a clothesline. Setting Gymini 1 up top, Psicosis climbs to the top with a big super hurricanrana! Now it's a spin wheel kick for Gymini 2, who's knocked to the outside. Psicosis rallies the crowd. Side russian for Gymini 1. Up top, Guillotine Legdrop! Crazy cuts off Gymini 2, but the ref is distracted and only gets a 2 count as a result. Psicosis and Crazy alternate on Gymini 2, but Crazy again ends up distracting Nick Patrick. Spin wheel kick...caught, into a double H-Bomb by the Gymini. Dean grabs Crazy's leg and The Gymini score the victory.


Passable, but that's about it. The Gymini are probably the weakest team in the division and without Dean they'd just be worthless. So, naturally they go over.

STILL TO COME: Orton/Mysterio/Angle vs. MNM/Henry from Smackdown. And, on Velocity itself, the Fatal Fourway - #1 Contendership for the Cruiserweight Title!

-Smackdown Recap-

Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit. Jordan has Benoit in an armlock and JBL is on commentary, currently putting over both Jordan and Benoit as well as himself. HHH, take note. Benoit escapes the hold and a slugfest ensues, which Benoit wins. Whip and a clothesline from Benoit, then mowing down Jordan. 3 Amigos is cut off at 2 by Jordan, but he gets a German instead. Benoit hits a second German as JBL brings up the Germany incident I'm sure we all remember in a round about way. Jordan escapes a 3rd German, booting Benoit in the chest and going for a Sunset Flip. Benoit rolls through and applies The Sharpshooter for the tapout victory. But wait, because here comes JBL, smashing Benoit in the back with a beer cooler!

JBL/Benoit is still the only match that interests me at WrestleMania. Maybe that's why I'm not ordering.

-Smackdown Recap-

And now, it's 6-Man Tag time. Melina locks on the headscissors on Rey as we join things. Nitro tags out to Mercury and MNM hit a double gutbuster. Hair flick elbow from Mercury, but Angle breaks up the pinfall. Orton feigns going for a tag as Rey reverses a whip to the ropes. Mercury tries a sunset flip, but Rey rolls through to a front dropkick to the kisser. Mercury blocks the tag though and Nitro comes in with an elbow and pins Rey with a knee for two. Tag to Mark Henry. Headbutt. Big stomp. BOOTSCRAPE~! Rey tries to fight back with double kicks in the corner and crawls through the legs, but Henry blocks the tag and lands an elbow. Orton 'encourages' Rey on as he gets choked. Whip to the corner and a press slam. Now, considering Henry's "The World Strongest Man", you'd assume he could competently press Rey Mysterio over his head, but apparantly not as he makes a real meal out of it. Big splash misses. Buzzsaw Kick from Rey. Orton reaches for the tag...but ducks out to fix his kneepad, so Rey tag Angle. Down goes Mercury. Down goes Nitro. German to Mercury and an Overhead Release for Nitro! Angle Slam on Mercury, but Henry breaks the count at 2. Henry sends Angle to the corner but misses an avalanche and HE gets Angle Slammed. Angle sets Mercury up for the 619 and Rey connects, but Orton tags himself in and scores the 3 count!

Everybody likes to get on Orton's case, but I think he's been badly booked and mistreated. If there's a lack of heat for Orton, it's not entirely his own fault. The Undertaker feud was a career killer and Orton was only just getting over the botched face-turn when it happened. Here, Orton was clearly given a role to play and he played it well.

It's the SLAM OF THE WEEK and Biker Animal beat Matt Hardy with the help of some brass knuckles, but Charles Robinson found the knux, reversed the decision and Hardy is going to WrestleMania in the weakest way possible.

Fatal Fourway Match, Cruiserweight #1 Contendership

Kid Kash -vs- Brian Kendrick -vs- Paul London -vs- Jamie Noble

Just for reference, Kash and Noble are the heels and London and Kendrick are the faces. I think. Although judging by most Smackdowns, Helms is the heel and every other Crusierweight is a face or just 'there'. Three former Cruiserweight Champs in this one. Kendrick and London have their funky gold masks back this week.

London and Kendrick exchange a handshake as Kash attacks Noble to start. London and Kendrick decide to club away at them anyway. Noble chops Kendrick, forearms London and now starts to mudhole it up on Kid Kash's chest in the corner. Noble and Kash brawl towards the middle of the ring and London propells Kendrick into them with a double dropkick! Double dropkick by London/Kendrick to Noble. London and Kendrick show respect to the other as they now lock-up. Kendrick with a headlock. Shove off and a shoulder block by Kendrick. 3 out of 3. Drop down by London, Kendrick to the ropes. Leapfrog...and Kendrick is pulled out by Kash. Clothesline by Kash on Kendrick. Clothesline by Noble on London in the ring too. Whip to the corner and a slam by Noble. Legdrop gets 1 for Noble. Noble gets shouldered by Kash. Sunset flip in, only 1. Noble misses a clothesline. Kick to the quad and a dragon kick get 2. Kash runs into a leg lariat by Noble, but London breaks the pin at 1. Noble applies a Dragon Clutch on Kash, but London pulls him off into a sleeper. Noble reaches the ropes. London pulls him out and down though, applying a bodyscissors. Kendrick up top...DOUBLE STOMP, onto London and Noble!! Kendrick goes after Kash now. Whip to the corner and a flying forearm in said corner. Snap suplex gets 2. Kash fights back with some kicks to the hamstrings, then the chest. Release vertical suplex, London breaks the count at 2. London now forearms Kash and Noble pitches Kendrick under the ropes into the post. Scoop and a slam by London on Kash. Kneedrop. Noble pulls him off the cover though. Chop in the corner, Noble to Kash. Noble now forearms London. Kash misses a clothesline, waistlock by Noble. London goes for an enziguri, Kash ducks...but Noble takes it! And it's Commercial Break time!

And we are back! London and Kash are in the ring, duking it out. Kash lifts up London for a back suplex, but throws him down face first. Kick to the chest. But London cuts Kash off from a second with a diving clothesline. 2 count only though. Londons ends Kash to the corner. Boot up and Kash vaults up top. Kendrick stops him though, climbing up with him. Kash fights back and goes for a suplex, as London climbs to the middle. Here comes Noble too. Noble takes London down with a sitout powerbomb, who takes down Kash with an electric chair, who takes down Kendrick with a superplex in the Tower Of DOOOOOM~! And the crowd go nuts. See, if you let the Cruiserweights DO something, the crowd'll react. Noble gets a 2 on Kash and a 2 on London. Noble stomps on London and Kash. Chop to London. London gets hooked in the three of woe by Noble. Slugfest by Noble and Kash, exchanging chops and forearms. Kash goes to the eyes. Here's Kendrick with forearms though. Sliced Bread #2...blocked by Noble, into the Fireman's Carry Double Gutbuster which needs a name. Kash throws out Noble. London with a Dropsault and there goes Kash. Kash and Noble are out of the ring, as London quickly gets an Oklahoma Roll on Kendrick and scores the 3 count!!

Post match and Kendrick shakes hands with London despite his disappointment.


It's hard not to rank matches on potential and rank on substance with the Cruiserweight Division. I know it's a 'smarky' attitude, but they could be doing so much more. Compare this with the fourway X-Division match at Destination X and you'll see the point...these four are better wrestlers than TNA's four were and yet, it's hard to tell. I'm not saying they should let them go nutty with spots, but more give them time and book them better.


And with that mini-rant, it's show over. An entertaining 4-Way makes this edition worthwhile, thankfully. This week was 'super'show week, which means no Velocity next week...or, rather, no actual matches on Velocity. Depending on what they have in it's place, it's a week off for moi. In the meantime, feel free to drop feedback and stuff to [email protected]. I might read it, I might not, but the option's there regardless.


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