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Wrestling
On-Site Report: UWC Extreme Halloween
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Nov 2, 2003, 23:08
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On-Site Report: UWC Extreme Halloween (11/1/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Halloween is normally a time to watch scary movies and eat plenty of candy that total strangers hand out to us. Hey, it works for me. But for those of us who love our wrestling, it is also a time to watch men beat the crap out of each other for our entertainment. And one day after Halloween, Ohio's United Wrestling Council decided to extend the festivities by a day when they presented "Extreme Halloween" at North High School in Akron.
This company never ceases to amaze me, as we actually have three "dark matches" for what is largely a non-televised event.
Dark Match: Animal/Rip Cripple (w/"Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb) vs. "Happy" Mike Smiley and "Mardi Gras" Mike Hercum
Essentially a squash for the Four Henchmen team, although Smiley and Hercum finally got some nice looking offense into one of their matches. Animal powerslams Smiley into the ropes at one point. The finish comes when Animal sets up Hercum for a back suplex, and Cripple comes off the top with a missile dropkick to get the pin at 3:52. That is one sweet double team move. Mardi Gras was taken to the hospital after this match, so hopefully he's OK.
Dark Match: The Akron Demolisher/Kid Lightning vs. Super Sydal/Kano (w/Giovanna)
Sydal and Kano are being known collectively as "Team Fuck". I couldn't make that one up if I tried. Another match that is essentially a squash (and a bit on the long side) that ends with Sydal superkicking the Demolisher for the pin at 6:13.
Dark Match: Psyco vs. Luchos Grande
This is a different Psyco than the one who has been wrestling on TV in recent weeks. Really short, although Luchos Grande does get in an impressive Rocker dropper where he stands on his opponent's back before making the jump. A slingshot splash gains the pin at 1:25, but it was good while it lasted.
It's time for the show to officially begin, which means it's time for Paul "Kovedogg" Kover to come to the ring for his ring announcing duties in his powder blue suit. He first introduces Hollywood, who is dressed as Chris Jericho and passing out drumsticks autographed by "Moongoose Buche". Kovedoog then introduces the broadcast team consisting of Chris the Brain and "Sex Symbol" Keith Young, who takes Dan Mason's place for the evening because unlike the crowd, "Dan Mason has a real job." They go over the lineup for the evening.
For the UWC Hardcore Extreme Championship: The Purple Hooter vs. "The Black Superman" Vinn Wilder (champion)
These two have been feuding most of the last two months and have been using the 24/7 rule to their advantage to exchange the title several times, most recently when Wilder attacked Hooter during an interview segment to win the title. Wilder uses his size and power advantage to dominate most of the contest and puts Hooter through a table on the floor. Eventually the crowd tosses Hooter three bottles of purple juice (for those of you new to these reports, it's like Popeye's spinach or Mighty Mouse's cheese). Wilder catches Hooter on his high cross body attempt, but Hooter turns it into a crucifix for the pin and the title at 6:12. OK, but nothing special.
No Holds Barred Match: "The Russian Butcher" Sirob Draga (w/Jamie Starr) vs. Cousin Cooter
Draga took Cooter's cousin, Wilbur Whitlock, out of action, so Cooter is out here for revenge. Cooter sneaks up on Draga before the bell and waylays him with a chair. What follows is some pretty solid action. Draga misses his Siberian Express gore in the corner and runs into a chair (and twists his ankle pretty bad at the same time). Draga eventually hits a weak Siberian Express before hitting a better one for the pin at 6:56.
Keith Young then leaves the booth and leads Selena down to the ring. He's upset that Eddie Insane returned to the UWC a couple of weeks ago and put Selena in a coffin, so the Inner Circle will accept Eddie's open coffin challenge. Eddie Insane emerges from a coffin that is brought to the ring by two druids. He tells Selena that she looks like his sister, Carrie (wink wink). She doesn't smell or taste like Carrie, but he decides he wants to see if she kisses like Carrie. He is jumped by Jason Thunder before that can happen, leading to...
Coffin Match: Eddie Insane vs. Jason Thunder (w/Sex Symbol Keith Young/Selena)
Following a ref bump, Eddie is able to close the lid on Thunder. This brings out Unknown and Darkstar to the ring to beat down Eddie and dump him into the coffin, and Thunder wakes the referee, who declares Thunder the winner at 4:18. A screwjob in a casket match, and probably the worst casket match I've seen since the WWF tried to pass Kama off as a main eventer on the B-level house shows. That's mostly because I don't buy a casket match being that short. It's great to see the Eddie Insane gimmick back though.
Assistant President Eugene Kim comes to the ring to ask the fans to vote him UWC President, which brings out President Bo Smirnow to tell Kim not to campaign during the show. They're holding elections for that? Can I run? Kim wants to be the special enforcer for the Heavyweight Title Match, but Smirnow says he'll do it instead.
For the UWC Television Title: "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb vs. Phattie Dattie (champion)
This was set up by the Four Henchmen attacking Dattie at recent TV shows, including one night where Lieb "defended" the title on Phattie's behalf. Lieb does not have the Henchmen at ringside with him. This was a solid combination of chain wrestling and comedy. At one point, Lieb used his platters on Phattie on the floor, and I had the referee look for a mythical hot chick to distract him from seeing it. Hey, how else was he not going to see the cheating? Lieb hits Phattie with the 4H on the floor and tries to get the win outside, but it's not falls count anywhere, so Lieb tries in vain to drag Phattie into the ring. Phattie sits up to show he's playing possum, then eventually low blows Lieb and brings him back to the ring. Phattie hits an inverted suplex into a slam and covers, but here come the Four Henchmen for the DQ at 15:42. A portion of the crowd didn't get what they were going for, but there was some funny stuff here.
We take intermission and announce the winner of the 50/50 raffle here. It wasn't me, so I don't care who won. Keith Young then announces that since he has to manage in the main event, Jason Thunder will join Chris the Brain for commentary. He even brings his own table.
Brother vs. Brother Bat on a Pole match: "The Champ" John Potok vs. Timebomb Fred Potok
Another match set up on TV, as the Champ has been tying people to the ropes and hitting them with baseball bats at every opportunity. They've wrestled each other before, notably during the Heavyweight Title tournament at Final Exam 2 last May. Timebomb is able to get the bat and duct tape his brother to the ropes, but before he can hit him, their mother comes in and begs him not to do it. He unties the Champ and they hug, but Champ kicks Timebomb and shoves his mother down. He duct tapes Timebomb to the ropes and goes for the bat shot, but Mom stops it, only to take a Linda McMahon-esque bump for her trouble. However, Champ walks right into the Timebomb Claw, and the arm drops three times to give Timebomb the win at 11:07. The action was alright, but this was eerily reminiscent of the McMahon family garbage that I've grown sick of on SmackDown over the last six months, and that hurt this one a lot. An angry Champ attacks the referee with the bat after the match.
Loser Leaves UWC Match for the UWC Heavyweight Championship: "Superstar" Justin Dreams vs. Tack (champion)
These two men got into a brawl at the Shamrock Nite Club at a TV taping a few weeks ago, which led to a highly entertaining "shoot" debate between the two of them a week later to set up the loser leaves town stipulation. Several wrestlers and referees are in the ring before the introductions are ever made. This match is taped to be the TV main event for this week's edition of Ripped. Dreams is introduced first, and he has a suitcase in the ring with him, which he claims is for Tack. Tack is then introduced, and the men in the ring have to stay there to keep them separated before the opening bell.
The bell finally rings, and they immediately get into a brawl before President Smirnow steps in and tells them that this isn't a shoot fight, so either wrestle, or the match is a draw and they're both gone. They do go into a wrestling match, and get some stiff shots on each other at various points. They brawl on the outside, and a masked man hits Tack in the knee like he was Nancy Kerrigan preparing for the Olympics. The broadcasters claim it might have been Jay Pumper, but that's not likely unless Pumper's gotten about six inches shorter. Dreams then continues to work on the knee that Tack injured in September at Off the Hook. After another ref bump (there were a few too many of those at this show), Tack appears to have it won, but Smirnow runs in and tells the backup referee to go the locker room. Dreams locks in a figure-four, and Smirnow calls for the bell at 15:29, ruling that Tack was unable to continue and awarding the title to Dreams. As Tack goes to the locker room, Dreams grabs the mic and says "There's a party in Tack's mouth, and I'm coming!" An OK match which would have been better served with more brawling to drive the story home, but apparently these two really don't like each other, so I can understand why they tried to avoid that. But why have the masked man interfere when you can't really play off of it?
Suicide Free Fall Match for the UWC Tag Team Championship: "High Impact" Bret Myers/Atlantis vs. Feature Presentation (Atlantis/Mikey Showtime) vs. The Shadows of Darkness (Darkstar/Unknown--champions--w/Keith Young/Selena)
This was set up after these three teams went to a disappointing countout at Off the Hook. This is essentially a TLC Match, but with a few twists. Pinfalls are the only way to be eliminated. A fall can only take place if a table, ladder, or chair is in the sequence that leads to the pin. And hanging above the ring is a certificate for a free fall, and whichever team climbs a ladder and grabs that certificate must be pinned twice to be eliminated. Atlantis is the only wrestler in this match with experience in this type of match.
Clearly the match of the night, as these men did some innovative spots leading into going for the certificate. Descriptions couldn't do some of them justice. They even grab Thunder's table and use it, which surprisingly doesn't lead to any major interference. Before a fall is scored, Atlantis is able to grab the certificate at 13:05. They have to cash in their free fall in a hurry too, as Darkstar does a swanton bomb off a ladder, and Unknown quickly covers for the pin at 14:59. Myers and Virus are soon set up on a ladder that is placed onto two chairs. Darkstar does an Asai moonsault onto both men, and Unknown covers both of them for the pin to eliminate them at 17:46. That leaves The Shadows of Darkness and Feature Presentation. Showtime hits Darkstar with a chair, and Atlantis comes off the top rope with a Ten Star Frog Splash for the pin and the title at 18:58. Technically the frog splash did not involve a table, ladder, or chair, but the official ruling is that the frog splash came as a result of the chair shot, so the chair is considered part of the sequence. I would use that to build to a regular tag match between Feature Presentation and The Shadows of Darkness, as the interpretation of the rule almost writes the story itself.
After the card, a recap segment is taped for the opening of UWC Ripped, and they go over the results and talk to some fans.
Overall, it was an entertaining three hour show, but you really had a mixed bag. There were a couple of really good matches, a couple of really bad matches, and some things that just left you scratching your head. But what little crowd they had was into a majority of the show, and in the end, the important thing is sending the crowd home happy. It will be interesting to see where they go from here, especially with the tag team and heavyweight title pictures.
As always, send me the feedback, and I'll be back at www.thesmartmarks.com at some point Tuesday with an on-site report from Raw.
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