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The Dames' Diatribe on WWE Armageddon 2003
Posted by The Dames on Dec 15, 2003, 16:22
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The Dames� Diatribe on WWE Armageddon 2003
I don�t have much to say tonight because I�ve been watching Buffy Season Five on DVD for the past day or so, so let�s just go to the PPV, alright? For the record, my brother is NOT watching this with me so you won't hear any funny stories about him dancing to the Final Fantasy X-2 commercial or him bopping around screaming "It's SEX TIME!" whenever Trish comes out. I miss him already.
The PPV starts off with Lillian Garcia in the ring, singing the National Anthem. No doubt, this was done to commemorate the historic capture of Saddam Hussein that took place yesterday morning.
We get the usual PPV video package to start off the show. I don�t know about you, but I�m sick of the Armageddon theme after years of hearing it now.
Mark Henry (w/Teddy Long) vs. Booker T
Match Background: Last month, Mark Henry eliminated Booker T in the Raw 10 man elimination match clean with the World�s Strongest Slam. They faced each other in their first singles match the following night, which Booker T won by uncharacteristically using the ropes with a roll up. They then squared off again in a �Salt Lake City Street Fight� with Mark Henry coming out on top with a trash can shot. Since then, Henry has attacked Booker T from behind and after matches and on last week�s Raw, Mark Henry put on a bear hug, which he is seemingly using as a second finisher these days.
The Match: �This isn�t a marketing phrase, Mark Henry is legitimately the �World�s Strongest Man��. After saying something like that, can any mark believe J.R. now? To try and lose even more credibility, J.R. calls Booker T �one of the all time greats�, even though he�s never won the WWE Title.
At the bell, Booker T attacks Henry with a barrage of clubbing blows, but Henry counters with a hard clothesline. He follows it up with a very hard slam and clotheslines Booker T over the top rope. A �Booker T� chant starts up, which I believe is the first time I�ve ever heard one on WWE TV, as Henry and Booker brawl momentarily on the outside. Booker gets tossed into the steel steps and back into the ring, only to knock Henry down off the apron and connect with a rare pescado to the outside.
Henry goes back into the ring, so Booker comes off the top with a missile dropkick, getting a nearfall out of it. Booker sets him up for the axe kick, but Teddy Long gets on the apron, which distracts Booker and Henry is able to gain the advantage once again with an avalanche. Henry connects with a backbreaker and gets a two count out of it before he hooks on a bow and arrow variation. Henry goes after the back some more and then finally uses his LETHAL version of the cravate, jumping from the ring to the floor while crushing Booker T�s back in the only move I�ve ever marked out for in Mark Henry�s arsenal. Henry gets a nearfall out of it and then hooks on a chinlock as the fans try to rally behind Booker a bit. Booker gets up and fights back, but Henry continues his attack and hooks on his bear hug. Instead of wrenching Booker like he did on Monday to him and Hurricane, this is just a regular bear hug which dulls the crowd. Booker T fights back again, but gets turned inside out by a clothesline. Henry looks to follow it up with a legdrop, but Booker moves out of the way. Henry staggers, which allows Booker T to get in a scissors kick and a heel kick, followed by the axe kick for a nearfall. Henry ends all of that momentum with a spinebuster for a two count.
Henry squashes Booker in the corner and then finally connects with a legdrop for a two count. Henry picks Booker up for a powerbomb, but loses it halfway and just drops Booker nonchalantly in a botched spot. Booker isn�t hurt thankfully and the match continues after the pinfall attempt. J.R.: �I�m not sure what Mark Henry wanted to do when he got him up there.�
Booker then hits the axe kick again and goes for the cover and the match is over.
Winner: Booker T
My Opinion: Putting this match on PPV meant that it would be longer than their Raw matches, but instead of using that extra time to build up more nearfalls and build the match to a crescendo, instead, Mark Henry uses that extra time to put on boring rest holds and have an anti-climatic finish. As great as Mark Henry has been booked lately, this match probably undid a great deal of it. Hopefully, Booker T will be going on to better things, but given this company�s track record, I doubt it. *1/4
Eric Bischoff is in the back with Jericho & Christian, watching the Henry/Booker match on the monitor. Jericho looks concerned about their upcoming match with Trish & Lita and wants to address it to Bischoff, but Christian cuts him off and thanks Bischoff for making the match. He goes on about how close he was to winning the bet and being embarrassed in the ring on Monday while Jericho looks on disapprovingly. Jericho once again tries to tell Bischoff his feelings on the match when Mick Foley�s music starts up and Bischoff cuts him off to watch the monitor.
Mick Foley comes to the ring and announces that the Stone Cold Petition has a million signatures, so that�s cause to celebrate. Stacy Keibler comes out in a cute cheerleader outfit and does some cartwheels to the delight of the crowd. Keibler gets Foley to try a cartwheel, but he ends up taking an odd looking bump instead. They�re interrupted by some music�
EVOLUTION WON�T FIT ON MY TV SCREEN~!
Orton (accompanied by Flair) comes down to the ring to talk smack to Foley about having to count the pinfall when Orton pins RVD later on tonight. Orton then somehow equates him winning the IC Title to making sure that Austin never comes back, although I�m not exactly sure how much sense that makes. Foley then tells him that if he�s so eager to do it, they can do it right now. Foley takes off his suit, revealing a ref shirt underneath and the IC Title match is NOW.
Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Intercontinental Title
Special Guest Referee: Mick Foley
Match Background: Last month, Randy Orton used the TKO to eliminate RVD from the Raw 10 man tag. The next night on Raw, Orton interfered during RVD�s match with Evolution stablemate Ric Flair and became enamored with the IC Title. Since Eric Bischoff decided to grant favors to everyone on Team Bischoff at Survivor Series, Orton used his favor to get an IC Title match with RVD. After Mick Foley came in as Co-GM of Raw as well as an �Outside Consultant�, he�s decided to make himself the referee for the Orton/RVD IC Title match. Orton and Foley have a bit of a history as Orton tossed Foley down the stairs of Madison Square Garden in New York City on the night that Mick Foley received a tribute and a replica WWE Hardcore Title.
The Match: RVD gets the fans behind him at the start of the match and connects with a leg sweep, causing Orton to bail and talk to Flair. Back in the ring now, Orton and RVD go through an Indy Applause Sequence (with RVD carrying it the entire way) and the fans applaud like trained monkeys. RVD connects with a kick and a dropkick to the midsection of Orton before hitting a cross body off the top for a two count. Orton charges RVD and gets tossed over the top, onto the apron, and spin kicked down. RVD hits a somersault over the top onto Orton and tosses him back into the ring. RVD hits a slingshot legdrop for two and heads to the top again. Finally, Orton gets his first real offensive maneuver of the match by shoving RVD off the top and onto the security railing on the outside. Orton picks RVD up and connects with a great standing dropkick flush on the chin of RVD. That standing dropkick on the outside by Orton is probably the best looking offensive maneuver he�s ever pulled off.
Orton sends RVD back into the ring for a nearfall as the standing dropkick receives a replay. Orton goes after the head with punches and stomps and then chokes RVD on the ropes. RVD�s selling is so cartoonish and ridiculous, you really can�t take it seriously. Foley pulls Orton off of RVD and then gets into an altercation with Flair at ringside, who�s upset at Foley�s officiating. Orton whips RVD hard across the ring and follows it up by working the head some more. RVD counters with a cross body for a two count, only to get clotheslined down hard. Orton rams RVD�s head into the turnbuckle as J.R. says that RVD is a 5 time IC Champion. So, since Wrestlemania 18 where he won the title for the first time, he�s won it another 4 times in 22 months. Back in ECW, he was the TV Champion for 23 months straight. Hell, back in the 80�s and early 90�s, being a 2 time IC Champion was a big deal. Now, that title is just being thrown around and people wonder why being IC Champion doesn�t have as much prestige and credibility as it used to.
RVD tries to leapfrog over a charging Orton, but he ends up getting clotheslined hard by Orton again. Orton goes for an arrogant cover for a two count before connecting with a dropkick to the head. Orton puts on a side headlock, but RVD fights out of it and sets up Orton for the split legged moonsault. The move connects and RVD only gets a two count out of it before Orton hits a backbreaker turned into a neckbreaker for two. That was actually a pretty cool move to work the head and set up the RKO. Orton goes to the mat again with a side headlock and keeps him there, but to Orton�s defense, RVD doesn�t exactly look enamored with putting a lot of effort into getting out. RVD gets out eventually and connects with a spin kick and both men are down. RVD gets up and connected with mounted punches in the corner and follows it up with a monkey flip. He hits shoulder thrusts and a great Northern Lights Suplex for a two count. Orton bails to the outside, but gets hung up on the security rail for an RVD spin kick off the apron.
Orton goes back into the ring and brings RVD in through the ropes by his head, connecting with an AWESOME DDT (with a great sell by RVD) but Orton can�t capitalize on the cover immediately. RVD got his hand under the bottom rope, so Orton pulls him to the middle of the ring and gets a nearfall out of it. Orton misses a knee drop and once again, both men are down. RVD gets up and uses a unique roll up to get a two count. He connects with a dropkick to the face and hits Rolling Thunder on Orton, but he ends up hurting his own head. RVD kicks Flair down, but gets rolled up by Orton for a two count. RVD hits the step over wheel kick and gets on the top rope to set up the frog splash. Flair gets on the apron to try and stop RVD, but Foley cuts him off and knocks him to the floor. Orton impressively hits a standing dropkick to crotch RVD. Orton follows it up with an RKO to get the pinfall from Foley (with very little resistance) and win the IC Title.
Winner and NEW IC Champ: Randy Orton
My Opinion: Once again, they give more time than necessary to guys who don�t need it and can�t capitalize on it to the point that it becomes detrimental to the match and �boring�. I appreciate Orton trying to work the head in an attempt to soften RVD up for the RKO. I liked some of the moves he used, but those damn side headlocks kept slowing the pace of the match down to a crawl. Not all of the blame goes to Orton as RVD was clearly dogging it out there and the match suffered as a result as well. The finish was done well, although those of you who are into conspiracy theories have to wonder how it is that Orton got such a clean win over RVD tonight.
Personally, I think Orton doesn�t deserve the IC Title as he doesn�t have much heat, the mic skills or the in ring skills to back it up. But the result of this match was written on the wall the moment Orton pinned RVD last month at Survivor Series. Foley�s problems with Orton didn�t come to the surface much and it didn�t even factor into the deciding pinfall ala Bret/Undertaker with HBK as the special ref at SummerSlam �97. It�s probably better that this wasn�t an overbooked mess anyway, but it�s what they teased, so that�s the only reason why I�m bringing it up. *3/4
Chris Jericho & Christian vs. Lita & Trish Stratus
Match Background: The most intriguing angle on Raw for the past couple of months was the budding romance between heels Chris Jericho & Christian and babyface divas Trish Stratus and Lita, respectively. The backstage skits between the two looked to point to either a Jericho & Christian face turn or at least the hint that something much bigger was to come of it. After Eric Bischoff fired Lita, Christian used his Survivor Series favor to get her job back, gaining Lita�s trust. Jericho and Trish went out on a few dates, even smooched on camera and tagged with each other, leading to Trish admitting that she felt something very real between them. On the night Trish wanted to make love to Jericho, she overheard Jericho and Christian belittling the women and talking about the bet they had between the two. Jericho & Christian had a bet for 1 Canadian dollar that Christian could sleep with Lita before Jericho could sleep with Trish.
Devastated, Trish and Lita got a small bit of revenge the following week on Raw when Jericho & Christian attempted to apologize. Trish and Lita attacked them and destroyed the bouquet of roses the males had gotten the women and finally, cost Jericho & Christian the tag titles. That night, Bischoff made this match for Armageddon, which will be more focused on the storyline and much less on the action in the ring.
The Match: Lita has a new Titantron video and entrance, although the shitty music remains the same. Trish isn�t nearly as animated as usual during her entrance, opting to glare at Jericho the entire time instead.
Jericho clearly isn�t interested in this match and his face tells the story.
Trish actually starts the match against Jericho, but Jericho just walks to talk first. He tries to touch her face, which sets Trish off and she slaps him in the face. She goes after him with what looks to be um�girl fighting. Jericho tries to cover up as Trish won�t stop the barrage of slaps and female rage. Trish comes off the ropes with at attempted cross body, but Jericho catches her and tells her to calm down several times. She refuses�so he kneels down and spanks her. Yeah, that�s showing her that you care.
Jericho says: �This is not what we want!��.before getting kicked square in the chest by Trish. She continues the girl fighting, adding hair pulling to the mix before connecting with a flying head scissors and a dropkick. Jericho swats a second dropkick away and tags out to Christian who immediately shoves Trish all the way back to her corner.
Lita comes in and Christian looks like he wants to wrestle her. Christian grabs Lita�s hands and swings her around, so Lita headbutts him before punching and kicking away at him. Christian shoves her out of the way and charges at her, but Lita moves out of the way and follows it up with a monkey flip and a flying head scissors. Lita bounces off the ropes, but Jericho pulls her down by the hair to a chorus of boos. Christian picks her up and body slams her before tagging Jericho in.
Jericho doesn�t hesitate to slam her down and standing on her hair. Jericho looks to go for a powerbomb, but Lita ranas out of it and almost gets the pinfall on him. Jericho connects with a back elbow and tags Christian back in. Christian comes in and removes her top, revealing her sports bra. Christian taunts her with it, so Lita hits him with a low blow while the ref had his back turned talking to Jericho. Lita makes the hot tag to Trish who comes in and connects with forearms. She hits her roundhouse kick and goes for the Stratusfaction, but Christian shoves her off. He charges at her, but Trish side steps him and Christian goes flying to the outside. Jericho goes to the top rope, but gets crotched by Lita, allowing Trish to attempt her handstand rana. Jericho just shoves her off and Christian tries to get the cover on her for two. Christian sets her up and charges at her, but Trish matrixes back, causing Christian to run into Jericho and knock him off of the apron. Trish rolls Christian up, but gets clobbered by a clothesline when he gets up. Lita comes off the top with a headscissors on him, but Jericho pulls her out of the ring and rams her back first into the security rail. Jericho goes into the ring and picks Trish up by her face, seemingly checking on her, but Christian rolls her up from behind and wins the match.
Winners: Chris Jericho & Christian
After the match, Christian celebrates as Jericho looks on with a worried look on his face. Trish glares at him as Christian walks up the ramp with him.
My Opinion: The major flaw I saw in this match, storyline wise, was the fact that Jericho and Lita actually went at it in the ring. Assuming Jericho truly wanted to make it up to Trish and gain her forgiveness, he wouldn�t have wrestled Lita as much or as brutally as he did. As Jericho said to Trish a few weeks ago on Raw, disrespecting Lita would be like disrespecting Trish, since they�re friends. Also, Jericho spanking Trish certainly wouldn�t get her back on his side�nor would getting on the top rope for attempted missile dropkick.
Wrestling wise, the match was a waste of their abilities. Trish used wrestling moves sparingly (but that�s due to the story) and Christian did a majority of the work for the men. I would say it all adds up to about *1/2.
We get a video package for the following match.
Batista vs. Shawn Michaels
Match Background: At Survivor Series, Batista came in during the close of the Raw 10 man tag and delivered a HARSH sit out powerbomb to Shawn Michaels, directly leading to his defeat and the removal of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Eric Bischoff tried to place the blame squarely on Shawn Michaels for being pinned, but Batista wanted the credit for taking Michaels out. Michaels and Batista met that night on Raw in a tag match, which ended with Batista wrapping his hands around Michaels throat and choking him until he bled. Tonight will be their first one on one encounter.
The Match: They lock up with Batista trying to overpower Michaels into the corner, but Michaels turns it around and connects with a barrage of lefts. He does it again, frustrating Batista, who kicks Michaels square in the midsection. He clobbers him in the head several times and rams him into the turnbuckle. Batista looks for a big boot, but HBK catches it and connects with some kicks to Batista�s other thigh. He hits a pair of chops and then slides under Batista to the outside, to taunt the big man some more. Flair goes after Michaels, but gets nailed as HBK starts skipping around ringside. Flair gets upset and talks some strategy with Batista.
Batista corners Michaels in the ring and uses his power to put HBK on the mat and pound on him. Batista goes to lift HBK, but Michaels slips out�only to get clotheslined down hard for two. Batista hits a vertical suplex for a two count, followed up by shoulder thrusts to the back in the corner. Batista continues to work the back by whipping Michaels across the ring hard and kneeing him in the lower back. Batista beings to choke Michaels, but stops prior to the five count. HBK comes back with some chops, but Batista sets him up on the top turnbuckle. Batista looks to hit a back suplex off the top, but Michaels is able to fight him off and comes off the top with a moonsault onto a standing Batista for a two count! Michaels hits his flying forearm and then nips up, killing the back work again as per usual. Batista doesn�t care about the nip up and clotheslines him down before tossing him out of the ring.
Batista tosses HBK into the steel steps and then back into the ring for a nearfall. Batista connects with a backbreaker for two, followed by another one and a submission hold. Batista goes for another backbreaker, but Michaels lands on his feet and connects with some hard chops. He and Batista trade blows and he hits his flying forearm again�and nips up again, despite all the damned backbreakers.
He hits an atomic drop on Bastista, followed by a chop, but Batista goes to choke Michaels again. Batista looks to lift Michaels up with the choke, but Michaels counters it with a single arm DDT! HBK goes to the top rope and hits his top rope elbow drop to rile up the crowd. He looks for Sweet Chin Music, but Batista catches it and hits his phat spinebuster. Batista picks Michaels up and delivers a second spinebuster. Batista says that it�s OVER and looks for the sit out powerbomb, but Michaels lands on his feet and connects with Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, falling on top of him for the pinfall.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
My Opinion: Shawn is still a great worker, no doubt and probably the best choice to be next in line for the Raw title at this point. However, I HATE the fact that everyone works his back over, only for him to hit his flying forearm and nip up like that. Here, he did it TWICE, negating all of the back work done by Batista. Michaels has gotten great matches out of big men and Batista looks to be decent enough of a worker to be able to pull it off, but Michaels keeps no selling all of the back work and doesn�t put Batista over as a credible threat that way. Yes, the sit out powerbomb equals death, but with Michaels no selling all of the back work, it becomes less of a factor that way. I do love the way that HBK delivers Sweet Chin Music now though, connecting and then falling back on his opponent to get the immediate pinfall. **
After the match, Batista believes that he won�so Flair has to break the news to him. Batista is UPSET and begins screaming and pacing around the ring, looking for someone to break.
Matt Hardy vs. Maven was scheduled to take place now, but Batista is still in the ring, upset about the loss to Michaels. Maven comes out first and just stands on the ramp, watching Flair try to calm Batista down in the ring. Matt Hardy makes his entrance and they begin to brawl on the ramp for about a minute until Maven is tossed into the ring. Batista immediately clotheslines him and then hits him with two consecutive sit out power bombs, leading to referees and officials coming out to check on the 1st Tough Enough winner. The referee declares that Maven cannot wrestle tonight.
Matt Hardy removes the referees out of the way and then goes for the cover, counting the pinfall himself and then getting on the mic and declaring himself the winner.
Look at that� he gets a roster change and Matt Hardy still can�t get a legit pay per view match.
Batista and Flair have finally made their way back to the backstage area, but Batista still won�t calm down. �This is bullshit, Ric! I�m better than him!� Flair calms him down and gives him a verbal blowjob before telling him that they�re not leaving without titles tonight to make it up to him. In the midst of his speech, Flair tells Batista that �everyone falls down�everyone stumbles, we all trip.� Ironically enough, as Flair leaves with Batista�he trips on a wooden palette.
Lillian Garcia gives us the rules for Tag Team Turmoil. Two teams will compete, once a team is eliminated, another will replace them. The last team standing will be the tag team champs.
Tag Team Turmoil
The Dudley Boys vs. Test & Steiner vs. La Resistance vs. Val Venis & Lance Storm vs. Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade vs. Hurricane and Rosey for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Match Background: A bunch of teams want the tag titles, Dudley�s got em. That�s�about it.
The Match: The match starts out with La Resistance vs. Hurricane & Rosey. Rosey starts the match out with Rob Conway, setting up a double team with Hurricane before tagging out. Hurricane comes in and knocks Dupree off the apron to the floor with a dropkick. Conway whips him across the ring, but Hurricane leaps to the outside�completely blowing the spot and injuring himself instead of landing on Dupree.
Hurricane gets thrown back in, limping, so Conway hooks on a full nelson. Hurricane seems to be fine and Conway connects with a swinging neckbreaker. Dupree comes in and hits a big powerslam on Hurricane for a two count. Hurricane fights back and hits an X-Factor and both men are down. Rosey and Conway come in and Rosey is a HOUSE�EN�FUEGO~! He picks up Conway for his swinging Rock Bottom, but almost blows it again, partially landing on the man during impact. Dupree breaks up the pinfall attempt, but gets tossed to the outside. Conway charges at Rosey, only to get spinebustered sloppily. Rosey gets on the 2nd turnbuckle, allowing Hurricane to stand on his shoulders and leap off with a super splash for the pinfall and La Resistance are eliminated.
Jindrak and Cade are next, but instead of coming through the ramp, they come through the crowd and surprise Hurricane and Rosey with a roll up for the heelish elimination.
Lance Storm & Val Venis are next and come down with some ladies. Venis and Jindrak start out, trading hiptosses and pinfall attempts, but thankfully, no Indy Applause Stance. Lance Storm comes in and works over Garrison Cade, who looks so generic tonight, he reminds me of the default Create a Wrestler in ANY wrestling game.
The fans begin to chant boring for a moment as Cade and Storm battle over a wrist lock, but it subsides quickly. Storm looks to hit a back elbow off the ropes, but Jindrak NAILS him in the face with a hard left and Cade almost gets the pinfall off of it. Jindrak comes in to put the crowd further to sleep, but Storm is able to tag out to Venis. Venis is a PORN STAR�EN�FUEGO~! and goes after both men with gusto. A half nelson slam for Jindrak gets a nearfall, as does the Blue Thunder bomb with Cade and Storm out of the ring now. Venis goes to suplex Jindrak from the apron back into the ring, but Cade comes from behind to clip the leg and then hold Venis� leg down for the botched finish.
Cade & Jindrak now have to face The Dudley Boys and the crowd has finally awaken. Cade and Bubba go at it in the ring, with Bubba setting Cade upside down in the corner and chopping the hell out of his chest. D-Von comes in for a double shoulder block, but Cade is able to tag in Jindrak. Jindrak NAILS D-Von with a hard clothesline for a two count and tags out to Cade. Cade knocks D-Von down and goes for a top rope elbow, but misses. Bubba tags in and takes on both men and eventually avalanches both in the corner.
Bubba and Cade go to the outside with Cade shoving Bubba into the steel steps, leaving D-Von and Jindrak to trade roll ups, but nothing is getting a reaction out of the crowd tonight. Bubba comes back into the ring to deliver the 3D on Jindrak to finally get the crowd to care. Cade & Jindrak are eliminated and there�s one team left. Cade & Jindrak attack The Dudley�s after their elimination�
Test & Scott Steiner come down to the ring to face The Dudleys and capitalize on the fact that they�re down.
Bubba tries to fight back, only to get suplexed by Steiner. Test wraps Bubba�s arm and shoulder around the ring post several times before sending him back in. Steiner hits the wind up elbow, gets a two count and hits the push ups. He hooks on a Fujiwara armbar, but Bubba won�t quit. Test comes in to work on Bubba�s arm some more. Test puts Bubba on the top rope and looks for a superplex, but Bubba knocks him down and actually hits the Senton That Never Hits!
Bubba makes the tag to D-Von and he nails both Steiner and Test. Steiner goes for a clothesline�and somehow blows that as D-Von has trouble ducking it and hitting a neckbreaker on him. D-Von hits a swinging neckbreaker on Test, but Steiner is able to suplex him. Test hits a side slam for two and Steiner tells him to go for the Big Boot. Steiner holds D-Von up, but he moves out of the way at the last minute, causing Test to nail Steiner with it and D-Von rolls him up for two. Test goes for the pumphandle slam, but D-Von gets out of it. Test hits the full nelson slam and goes for the pinfall, but once again, D-Von kicks out.
Test goes to ringside, grabs a tag belt and a chair. He tosses the tag belt into the ring as a decoy and nails D-Von in the head with the chair and goes for the pinfall�but Bubba breaks it up. Test charges at Bubba, only to get the Bubba Bomb and D-Von covers for the pinfall!
Lillian Garcia declares them the tag champs, but Eric Bischoff comes down to the ring. He says that in order to win Tag Team Turmoil, you have to defeat ALL the teams�so Flair & Batista come down to face the already decimated Dudleys.
EVOLUTION�S IN THE TAG TEAM SCENE~!
Flair and Batista attack immediately with Flair targeting Bubba�s leg and Batista beating the hell out of D-Von. Flair puts the Figure Four on Bubba as Batista nails the powerbomb on D-Von for the pinfall.
Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: Batista & Ric Flair
My Opinion: With Flair & Batista winning the tag team titles, this doesn�t bode well for tonight�s main event. Triple H probably wants to recreate The Horsemen winning all the straps, or else why give Ric Flair a TAG title? The man rarely teams with Batista.
Anyway, this match proved exactly why the Raw tag roster is so depleted. There were tons of sloppy, awkward moments, only one team is truly over (The Dudleys) and some are just too generic for anyone to give a damn. With all of the work involved by 14 men, I�d say that it only amounted to about * 1/2.
A Video package airs on Smackdown traveling to Iraq to perform live for the troops.
Molly Holly vs. Ivory for the WWE Women�s Championship
Match Background: Raw needed to fill some time before the main event, so they decide to pull this women�s title match out of their ass.
The Match: They lock up with Ivory getting a few quick pinfall attempts and a dropkick. She rolls up Molly again and hits a cross body off the top for two. Ivory slingshots Molly up and over the top to the outside. Ivory hits a somersault onto Molly off of the apron (!) and tosses her back in. Molly dropkicks Ivory off the apron and tosses her back in for a pinfall attempt. The Women�s Champion gains the advantage with a Northern Lights Suplex for two and goes to work on Ivory.
Ivory fights out of an armbar, but Molly snap suplexes her and hits her handspring elbow for two. Molly gets frustrated and just starts kicking the shit out of Ivory�which turns me on for some reason.
Molly exposes the top turnbuckle and goes to ram her into it, but Ivory reverses it and Molly�s head tastes the steel! Ivory rolls her up, but Molly reverses the roll up and hooks on the tights for the win.
Winner: Molly Holly
My Opinion: This match was thrown on just to kill time. It�s obvious, so the title was never in danger and the crowd reacted accordingly. I mean�with no build up, suddenly Ivory gets a title shot on PPV? Yeah, right. *
Goldberg vs. Kane vs. Triple H for the World Heavyweight Title
Match Background: Goldberg won the title from Triple H and retained it at Survivor Series. However, since Evolution helped Bischoff get rid of Austin at Survivor Series, Bischoff told Triple H that he would grant him a title match whenever he wanted. Before that happened though, Evolution faced Goldberg in a handicap match and defeated him. They went to put the finishing touches on the World Champ when Kane interrupted Evolution and chokeslammed Goldberg. Kane then interfered in the Triple H/Goldberg World Title match on Raw a few weeks back, causing Bischoff to make this match a triple threat match for the World Title.
The Match: Goldberg is sporting a semi-beard tonight instead of his usual goatee. Heel turn? Nah.
All three men are staring each other down at the start and no one wants to make a move. The fans chant for Goldberg as Triple H talks a ton of garbage at him. Kane approaches Goldberg, allowing Triple H to nail the champion from behind. Kane goes to work on the champ in the corner with right hands, with Trips coming along to help. Triple H whips Goldberg into a Kane clothesline, although that wasn�t even done right. I shudder to think what�s to come.
Trips and Kane work over Goldberg in the corner some more, but Goldberg fights back, knocking them both down. Goldberg powerslams Kane and clotheslines Trips out of the ring. Kane sits up and ends up in the ring alone with the champion and they square off. They trade right hands but Kane ends up clotheslining him in the corner and going for the cover. Kane tries a vertical suplex, but Goldberg tries a version of the Siakalypse�and lets just say it didn�t look like the Siakalypse.
Triple H comes back into the ring, only to get tossed, but Kane gets up and hits a side slam on Goldberg. Kane goes to the top and looks for his clothesline, but Goldberg slams him off the top. Goldberg press slams Trips down and looks to set up for the spear on Kane�but Kane connects with a big boot. The fans start chanting for Goldberg, but this match is just going so damn SLOW that it COULD be a boring chant.
Kane and Trips double suplex Goldberg and Trips tries to suck up to Kane by giving him a thumbs up in a funny moment. Kane powerslams Goldberg, but Triple H pulls him off�and Kane is upset. Triple H tries to apologize and goes after Goldberg again with Kane nailing Goldberg as well. Kane goes after Goldberg, but he ducks and Triple H gets nailed, falling to the outside. Kane drops Goldberg onto the ropes throat first as J.R. lets us know that this match is �bowling shoe ugly�. Now that is saying something, isn�t it?
Kane is looking for the chokeslam, but Triple H comes into the ring and nails Kane in the face with a chair! Goldberg kicks Trips away and powerslams him before grabbing the chair and putting it around Trips� ankle. He looks for revenge for the bounty, but Kane comes back in and uppercuts Goldberg, tossing him to the outside. Kane sets the Spanish table up for a chokeslam, but Goldberg knees his way out of it and goes for the Jackhammer. Triple H hits him in the ribs with a chair and Goldberg puts him down.
Kane then chokeslams Goldberg onto the table�but it doesn�t break and Goldberg just slides off. Trips gives Kane some instruction and Goldberg is set up on the table. Triple H drives his elbow through the table and Trips is pleased. Kane gets in Trips face about the chair shot, but Trips backs down�putting the chair behind his back to try and hide it.
Kane looks to pick up Goldberg, but Triple H grabs him and tosses him into the steel steps. He then attempts a Pedigree on the outside, but Kane backdrops him. Kane goes after Triple H and big boots him in the ring. He beats the hell out of him and hits a side slam before heading to the top for a clothesline. He hits it and looks for the chokeslam, but Triple H thumbs Kane in the eye and DDT�s him. Kane sits up, only to get a neckbreaker by Triple H�and Kane sits up again. Kane goes into no selling mode and he attacks Triple H, sending him out of the ring. Kane and Trips battle up the ramp for a bit, ending with Triple H getting chokeslammed on the steel. Kane sends Trips back into the ring to pin him, but Goldberg meets him head on with a spear and all three men are down!
Goldberg covers Kane, but Triple H breaks it up at the last minute. All three men are taking their sweet ass time to get up and then get into a three way slugfest. Kane and Trips whip Goldberg into the ropes, but Goldberg comes back with a double clothesline. Goldberg spears Kane and looks to spear Triple H and does so, but Evolution comes in. Flair and Orton go after Goldberg, but he knocks them both down and spears Triple H again! Kane breaks up the three count and Goldberg and Kane go to choke each other, with neither man having the advantage. Triple H low blows Goldberg, allowing Kane to chokeslam him. Kane gets pulled out of the ring by Batista and held by him as Triple H covers Goldberg for the fucking World Title.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H
My Opinion: Just like I thought, every member of Evolution has a title belt in order to fulfill Triple H�s fantasy of being a Horsemen-like stable. And of course, in order for him to do that, Triple H has to wear HIS title AGAIN. Just when Raw seemed like it was getting better, Triple H comes and takes it all away.
This match was just ugly, nothing technical. It was a three way brawl with three lumbering, slow moving powerhouses�how could it be good? Let us never speak of this again. *1/4
Overall: Evolution dominated the show, so if you�re a fan of theirs, you probably liked it. I, for one, certainly am not. Not one match was good on this entire broadcast, they gave too much time (for once) to those who didn�t need it and in terms of angle development, it practically went no where. I wouldn�t bother wasting anymore time on this PPV if you can avoid it.
�Til Next Time,
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, all that good stuff�send it to [email protected] and/or [email protected].
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