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The Dames' Diatribe on WWE Raw - January 19th, 2004
Posted by The Dames on Jan 20, 2004, 00:07
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The Dames� Diatribe on WWE Raw � January 19th, 2004
Although none of you my care, I�ve just got to tell everyone about this and quite frankly, it�s still a bit shocking to me.
Last week, I took a week out to travel to Connecticut. The trip was more than social as I was interviewing for a position, which I received. I�m going to be moving to CT and out of New York State on Valentine�s Day. While I was there, the oddest thing occurred.
I went to a local YMCA to watch a good friend of mine play basketball for a while. After the game, we were headed to the car when another friend of mine approached me, accompanied by someone else. Now, most of my friends don�t call me Dames, they call me Damian. However, this friend in particular happens to always call me Dames and introduces me as such. So my friend says: �This is my good friend Dames� and introduces me to his companion.
All of a sudden, the guy says �THE Dames�the one that writes the wrestling columns?�
The guy told me that he read my work on Lords of Pain (who I no longer write for) but followed me to TSM.
I was in SHOCK. I actually met a random stranger who read my works and openly admitted to being a fan. I�ll admit, I wasn�t exactly sober at the time, but the moment stayed with me.
Now, while some of you may think, �Who Cares?�, take the time to actually think about this. How would you feel if someone actually read what you wrote on the internet on a consistent basis and admitted to being a fan of yours? I wonder if that�s ever happened to Scott Keith�
Anyway, for the record, I�ve been preparing for my move to CT and I�ve been very busy as of late, which is why the second part of my Flair DVD review has yet to be put up. Since I�ve gotten so much demand for me to have it up, I will do my best to have it done by the end of the week.
As for tonight�it�s time for Raw from Green Bay, Wisconsin.
As the case on every Martin Luther King Day, WWE plays a portion of his infamous �I Have A Dream� speech prior to Raw.
At the top of the show, The Coach is in a room with Raw�s Royal Rumble entrants. Since Smackdown was able to decide who is the first entrant into the Royal Rumble match on Sunday (Chris Benoit), Raw gets the opportunity to find out who #30 will be. Chris Jericho decides that now would be the best time to cash in his Survivor Series favor and automatically become #30, pissing off the others, but gets shut down by the Coach who was made interim GM for the night since Eric Bischoff is away on other matters.
Therefore, Coach declares that there will be a series of matches and the winners of said matches will advance to an over the top rope challenge later on tonight to determine the 30th entrant into the Royal Rumble. Coach also wants absolutely no interference or they�ll be tossed out of the Rumble match itself. I have a strong feeling that Goldberg wins it tonight.
Rob Van Dam & Booker T vs. Christian & Matt Hardy
Match Background: The winners advance to the over the top rope challenger later on tonight. Christian and Matt Hardy have never gotten along and the last time they teamed was during the Salt Lake City Raw featuring Raw Roulette a couple of months back.
The Match: Booker T is still using his �Can You Dig It� song off the terrible, TERRIBLE WWE Originals CD. If you do get the chance to listen to this CD, head straight over to Rikishi�s �Put a Little Ass On It� for a prime example as to why people believe Vince McMahon has lost touch with the fans. Just so you know, John Cena�s cut from WWE Originals is just his theme song, not anything new.
People actually boo the fact that Matt Hardy is revealed to be Christian�s partner instead of Chris Jericho. Matt Facts: �Matt Loves Mongolian BBQ�s� and �Matt countertops are all granite�. I think it�s safe to say that �Matt Facts� has run its course.
Jim Ross once again reveals himself to be an idiot as he states that he can�t recall Hardy and Christian teaming up before�even though he called �Strange Bedfellows� match during the Salt Lake City Raw Roulette episode just a few weeks ago.
Matt Hardy starts the match up against RVD and immediately takes a reverse heel kick to the face. RVD knocks him down again with a spin kick and goes for the cover with a cross body off the 2nd rope. Hardy tags out but Christian is taken down quickly for a nearfall. Booker comes in to face Christian and nails him with a barrage of blows in the corner. Christian charges at Booker, only to take a bad bump off a back body drop for a two count. Booker looks for the Axe kick but Matt Hardy pulls Booker out of the ring. This distraction allows Christian to nail a baseball slide and take over. Christian puts on a neck vice to try and capitalize on the Tombstone Booker received last week at the hands of Kane.
Matt Hardy comes back in and legdrops Booker for a nearfall. Booker fights back momentarily but falls victim to the Side Effect for a two count. Hardy targets the neck again before he tags out to Christian. Christian looks for the Unprettier but gets shoved away. Christian tries to come off the ropes onto the 5 Time WCW Champion, but Booker nails him with a dropkick.
Booker makes the tag to RVD as Christian tags Matt Hardy in. RVD cleans house and sends Christian onto the apron. He catapults Matt Hardy who ends up knocking into Christian and causing him to fall to the floor. RVD rolls Hardy up, but he kicks out. RVD connects with a standing moonsault for a nearfall and looks for Rolling Thunder. Hardy actually gets his knees up during the move, which looked devastating and goes for the cover with his feet on the ropes for a nearfall.
Christian comes back into the ring and he and Hardy both whip RVD into the ropes. They both lower their heads as RVD hangs onto the ropes�allowing Booker T to come in and nail an Axe kick to both men simultaneously. RVD goes to the top rope and nails the Five Star to pin Matt Hardy and advance into the main event tonight.
Winners: Booker T & RVD
My Opinion: These four men definitely deserved more time. Either way, the match went well and the finish actually didn�t have anything to do with Christian and Matt Hardy not getting along, which was a bit surprising. Booker�s double Axe kick popped the crowd, who had no idea it was coming and it was pretty innovative as well. Hopefully, this isn�t the match of the night. **
Prior to the commercial, the graphic reads Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Test in a Triple Threat match. The announcers assume that this is Coach�s work, since the original match was supposed to have been Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner in a singles match.
The Coach comes out to his own music to join the announcers at the announce booth.
Chris Jericho vs. Rene Dupree
Match Background: None. Jericho has never faced Dupree in a singles match.
The Match: After getting superkicked by Michaels last week, The Coach tells J.R. & The King that if HBK comes to the arena tonight, there will be problems. J.R. informs Coach that neither HBK nor HHH will be at the arena tonight because they�re training for their Last Man Standing match at the Rumble, but Coach is still wary of HBK.
Dupree gets the first move in with a hiptoss but Jericho counters with chops and mounted punches. The crowd chants for Jericho as he looks to sneak in the Walls of Jericho early, but Dupree quickly makes it to the ropes. Jericho dropkicks Dupree off the apron and goes to the floor to bring him back. Jericho gets whipped to the far corner and attempts a cross body, but Dupree nails him with a dropkick to the midsection. Dupree prances around to get some heat and goes nails Jericho in the midsection with a running knee.
Dupree puts on an ab stretch, but the fans rally behind Jericho and he�s able to reverse the hold. Dupree hits a pair of elbowdrops and does THE DANCE~!, only to miss the last elbowdrop. Jericho nails him with a flying forearm and gets the crowd to pop with a dance of his own. Jericho nails him with an enziguiri for a nearfall and sets him up for the Lionsault. Dupree puts his knees up for the Lionsault and hits a Death Valley Driver! Jericho kicks out of the cover and counters another knee to the midsection into the Walls of Jericho for the clean tap out.
Winner: Chris Jericho
My Opinion: I enjoyed the build to the Walls of Jericho, as did the fans, since they definitely popped big time for it. Then again, the only time that glorified Boston Crab ever gets a tap out is when Jericho is facing a heel. Dupree still seems very inexperienced, but Jericho was able to carry him to an acceptable, quick encounter. *1/4.
Another Foley commercial airs �paid for by friends and supporters of Randy Orton�.
In the back, Christian congratulates Jericho on the win and advancing into the over the top rope challenge for later on tonight. Christian is bummed about the fact that he lost (especially since he wasn�t pinned) and asks Jericho if he can use his favor to replace him in the Over the Top Rope Challenge tonight. Jericho�s reaction is one of bewilderment, but Christian gives him a huge guilt trip in order for him to change his mind. In a nice piece of continuity, Christian reminds Jericho that in last year�s Rumble, they collaborated to eliminate Shawn Michaels�only for Jericho to toss Christian out later on, so Christian feels like Jericho owes him. Jericho turns him down since he wants the opportunity for himself and dissention is teased...
A Video package on HBK vs. HHH airs to hype up their Rumble match.
Mark Henry (w/Teddy Long) vs. Rico (w/Miss Jackie)
Match Background: None, these two have never faced each other. The winner advances to the over the top rope challenge later on tonight.
The Match: Rico mocks Henry to get him off guard at the start of the match up for the big man lunges at him. Rico moves out of the way and slaps Henry�s ass, pissing him off even more. Rico ducks a Henry clothesline and goes to the outside where he kisses Teddy Long on the forehead, freaking him out. Henry runs out of the ring as Rico runs back in. As Henry tries to get back into the ring, Rico jumps on his back and rides him like a horse in the funniest thing I�ve EVER seen Rico do.
Rico starts running around the ring, trying to run away from Henry, but gets tripped up by Teddy Long. Henry begins pounding on him with clubbing forearms and puts on a nerve grip. Henry sends Rico into the corner and charges at him, but Rico moves out of the way. Rico lands a kick to the head of Henry and follows it up with his usual kicking combo. Rico goes to the apron and slips as he heads to the top rope. He jumps off�and slips again on the way down, causing what looks to be�the Blown Spot of the Night.
Henry picks Rico up off the ground and hits the World�s Strongest Slam for the pinfall.
Winner: Mark Henry
My Opinion: Although Rico did make me laugh, he barely did any �wrestling�. Once he finally got on offense, he completely botched the finish. Mark Henry sure as hell wasn�t going to earn any stars on his own. The finish was a foregone conclusion anyway since Rico has never gotten anything resembling a push while Mark Henry is being shoved down our throats. DUD.
In the back, Evolution (minus Triple H) discuss their plans for the Royal Rumble. Orton wants to walk out with the number 30 spot so it can be he vs. Hunter at the main event at Mania. He compares it to Hogan vs. Warrior, World Champ vs. IC Champ. Flair pimps Batista�s power and claims that he will singlehandedly destroy the Dudley�s.
The WWE Rewind is Maven eliminating The Undertaker from the 2002 Royal Rumble in a MAJOR upset. Well, since Maven is out with an injury and The Undertaker isn�t a part of the Raw Roster, I�m curious as to why this clip was chosen.
Kane�s music hits and it�s all made clear now. It was just a segue for the announcers to talk about Kane and the fact that he �buried� his brother at Survivor Series.
Kane vs. Spike Dudley
Match Background: None. Whoever wins advances to the over the top rope challenge tonight.
The Match: Spike charges into the ring and nails Kane in the midsection with a headbutt. He immediately goes for the Acid Drop, but Kane shoves him away and nails him with a big boot. Spike heads to the apron where he�s able to get Kane throat first across the top rope and heads to the top himself. He leaps off, only for Kane to catch him in a double armed chokehold. He tosses Spike into the corner and hits him with a barrage of punches, followed by a choke. The ref tells Kane to break the hold and he does.
Kane goes to choke Spike again and this time, the ref makes it to a 5 count. Kane breaks the hold, but Spike Dudley shoves the ref away and the ref believed that it was Kane�so he calls for the bell.
Winner: Spike Dudley via DQ.
After the match, Kane goes after Spike and rams him into the ring post. He then shoves him into the steel steps and sends him into the ring. He places the ring steps in there, looking for a Tombstone attempt, but referees come down and drag Spike out of the ring and up the ramp before any more damage can be dished out by Kane.
My Opinion: Another squash, although this one had a surprise finish. Spike Dudley won�t be winning the over the top rope challenge, much less the Rumble itself, but it�s still surprising to find out that Kane won�t be in the main event tonight. DUD
Clips of house shows from the past week are shown.
Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Test
Match Background: For years in WCW, both of these men were major players. Although they didn�t cross paths many times, they did battle on a couple of pay per views in 2000.
Since Goldberg debuted in WWE, he and Steiner had not crossed paths until last week. After destroying Matt Hardy in a quick squash, Goldberg got on the microphone and declared himself an entrant in the Royal Rumble, which obviously, he intends to win. Backstage, Scott Steiner interjected that not only will he (Steiner) be the one to win the Rumble instead of Goldberg, but that Goldberg cannot defeat him. Goldberg laid down the challenge, but Steiner opted to push the match back a week so Goldberg would be fresh and ready�and have no excuses should he lose.
At the last minute, Test was added into the mix to make it a triple threat match, most likely by interim GM, Coach. Test and Steiner acting as a tag team for the past few months, leaving Goldberg at a disadvantage tonight.
The Match: Test and Steiner attack Goldberg at the same time and whip him across the ring, only for Goldberg to clothesline them both. Goldberg takes on Test in the corner and tosses him to the outside as Steiner blindsides him. Steiner chops away at him in the corner, but Goldberg takes over with right hands and a short clothesline. He tosses Steiner across the ring, but Test comes back in and nails Goldberg from behind. Goldberg turns around and sends him back to the floor with a right hand and once again, Steiner takes over with a belly to belly suplex.
Test comes back in and works over Goldberg in the corner with elbows. Steiner joins in as he and Test both stomp him down in the corner, followed by a double suplex. Test holds Goldberg for a Steiner attack and then vice versa. Goldberg moves out of the way, causing Test to nail Steiner and Goldberg takes over with a powerslam. He tosses Test to the outside and presses Steiner over his head for about a half a minute before powerslamming him down for a pop.
Goldberg sets up for the spear, but Test gets on the apron to break it up. Steiner attacks from behind and nails his version of the Downward Spiral. He goes for the cover, but Test breaks it up since he wants the spot in the main event tonight. Test goes for the cover himself and Steiner pulls him off. Test and Steiner begin battling one another until Test is tossed out of the ring. Steiner elevates Goldberg onto the ropes throat first (botched) and hooks on the Steiner Recliner. 4 years ago, this move would have been a believable finish considering the men involved.
Test comes in and nails Steiner with a big boot and tosses him out of the ring. Test turns around into a SPEAR~! by Goldberg and the Jackhammer ends it.
Winner: Goldberg
My Opinion: This match was a lot better than I anticipated it to be. Test�s involvement actually upped the workrate as I�m sure Steiner couldn�t carry Goldberg to the kinds of matches they were having 3-4 years ago in WCW. Either way, the finish was once again a foregone conclusion to me since Goldberg is my pick to win tonight�s main event.
A new Foley commercial by Orton airs. �FACT: Mick Foley is a scared little girl, too afraid to face a legend�. �Mick Foley is nothing more than a pathetic little bitch!� Now THAT�was funny.
The camera pans back to reveal Stone Cold Steve Austin watching the ad by the interview stage. He takes off on his ATV and nearly runs over Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade in what will most likely be their only appearance of the night. Earn that paycheck, boys.
Wrestlemania Recall: Butterbean utterly DESTROYING Bart Gunn�s North American career with a slew of punches in the �99 Brawl For All.
Sheriff Austin goes down to the ring and questions Mick Foley�s decisions as of late. He recalls riding the roads with Foley and he knows what Mick Foley is made of and therefore is disappointed with the fact that he allowed Randy Orton to spit in his face. He equates it to Orton spitting in the face of the business and therefore, he DEMANDS that Mick Foley come to the Royal Rumble and confront Orton�or he�ll be breaking the law.
At an event dubbed �Midnight Madness�, people waited on line after Raw at Tower Records for the release of WWE Originals. Of course, for purchasing the CD, you got to meet and get the autographs of several WWE superstars including Trish Stratus and Stone Cold Steve Austin. If no one was going to be there that night�I wonder just how many people would have bought that garbage.
In the back, after being mocked by Molly Holly, Trish Stratus has a disturbing visit by Christian. He comes over to let Trish know that she got what she wanted: She is the last thing on Jericho�s mind. To give her some �proof�, he shows her some pictures that they took at the gentlemen�s club last week with Christian�s camera phone. She�s obviously hurt as Christian walks away�looking at the pictures. �Man, I forgot about the midgets�man, we had a great time last week!�
Lita vs. Jazz (w/Teddy Long)
Match Background: They were on opposite ends of a tag team match last week. Since Jazz is always a heel in the women�s division, it�s just natural that she be paired against one of their biggest babyfaces, Lita.
The Match: They lock up as The Coach states that WWE Originals will land at #3 on the Billboard charts. I don�t know whether to laugh or cry about that.
WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING!?!?
Jazz takes Lita down with an amateur waistlock and works her on the mat for a bit. She nails her with a harsh forearm but Lita counters and Jazz falls to the outside. Jazz gets back into the ring for Lita to nail her with an STO for a nearfall. She hits a clothesline in the corner and a monkey flip, but Jazz comes back with a dropkick. She begins targeting the neck and hooks on a chinlock, but Lita flips Jazz over for a nearfall. Lita hits a flying head scissors and a move which resembles John Cena�s old Protoplex for a two count. Lita hits an inverted Twist of Fate (Steve Corino�s Old School Expulsion) and looks to head to the top for a moonsault.
She�s stopped by Teddy Long who actually falls on his own on the apron, distracting Lita and allowing Jazz to roll her up, holding the tights, for the pinfall.
Winner: Jazz
My Opinion: I expected a hell of a lot more from these two. Lita was a bit sloppy, but so was Jazz. I don�t know what was up with that finish, but I�m tired of sneak roll ups already. 3/4 *
In the interview area backstage, Terri is with The Hurricane who talks about his odds at facing and defeating Randy Orton in the next match to move onto the over the top rope challenge. After speaking in his normal, cartoonish fashion, he gets a bit serious and tells Terri that he believes in himself and he will defy the odds tonight.
When we come back, some members of the Green Bay Packers are shown in the front row.
A recap of Orton�s challenge and Foley�s subsequent failure to show up is aired.
The Hurricane vs. Randy Orton
Match Background: None. The winner advances to the over the top rope challenge tonight.
The Match: EVOLUTION IS A�.
Oh, forget it. The joke is done for.
Orton attacks at the bell and shows some intensity at the outset of the match up with a HARD clothesline and a quick cover before nailing a standing dropkick for another nearfall attempt. Orton hooks on a neck vice, screaming at the ref and I�ve got to admit that I�m becoming slightly impressed by Orton�s intensity.
Hurricane fights out of it and nails a cross body and a jumping clothesline. He hits a Buff Blockbuster for a nearfall and capitalizes on an Orton mistake for a second. Orton misses a clothesline attempt in the corner and Hurricane hits a modified version of the Unprettier for a two count. Hurricane goes for the cover several times but Orton kicks out. Hurricane goes to the top and hits a NICE cross body with a TIGHT cover but Orton kicks out. Orton pokes Hurricane in the eye and follows it up quickly with the RKO for the pinfall.
Winner: Randy Orton
My Opinion: The RKO now equals Death, just like the Pedigree. He can slap it on quickly and it means that it is OVER for the opponent. Orton is showing more intensity in his matches, which I�m enjoying immensely, but his moveset still needs a lot of work. The Hurricane had no chance and the fans knew it, despite whatever speech he made prior to the match up. At this point, the gimmick is hurting him and Shane Helms really needs to drop it. *
After the match, Rosey comes down to check on The Hurricane as the rest of Evolution (minus Triple H) come down to celebrate with Orton. Being the heels that they are, Batista and Flair jump on Rosey, causing the Dudley Boys to come down and send Orton and Batista out of the ring. They set Flair up for a 3D through a table, but he�s saved by Batista and pulled out of the ring.
The Coach comes down and gets into the ring and tells the Dudley Boys to get out at the count of three. As expected, the Dudley give Coach a 3D at the count of three to please the crowd.
In the back, Mark Henry and Chris Jericho argue about winning the over the top rope challenge. Jericho hilariously insults Henry�s smell: �What did you do, douse yourself with ass?� Henry insinuates getting it on with Trish and walks away, obviously bothering Jericho with those comments�
The announcers run down Raw�s portion of the Royal Rumble card and send it over to Michael Cole and Tazz over at the WWE Studios so they can run down Smackdown�s portion of the card.
#30 Over The Top Rope Challenge:
(Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Kane, Goldberg, Randy Orton)
Match Background: All of the participants in this match earned their way into it by winning matches earlier on in the night. Spike Dudley will not participate because of the post-match beating by Kane. Last year, a similar challenge took place with Chris Jericho winning it�although he decided to take #2 instead.
The Match: The match doesn�t start until Goldberg gets in the ring and attacks Mark Henry. At that point, Goldberg attacks everyone. He slams Orton down but Booker T ends up hitting him with the Bookend! Jericho nails him with the Lionsault and RVD connects on Goldberg with the Five Star Frogsplash! ELIMINATE HIM NOW!!!
RVD celebrates the move�and pays for it by getting nailed by Booker T and going over the top rope. Booker is eliminated seconds later by Jericho who clotheslines him over the top. RVD and Booker T�always stuck in the midcard. Goldberg is still recovering in the corner, btw.
Orton tries to toss Jericho out of the ring, but Jericho skins the cat to come back in. Jericho dropkicks Orton from behind�but Orton hangs on as well. Henry goes after Jericho and Orton joins him in the corner. Orton goes to concentrate on Goldberg and they screw up an irish whip. They recover quickly and Goldberg back body drops Orton. Henry elevates Jericho up and down hard into the mat and then concentrates on Goldberg with clubbing forearms. Jericho tries to toss Orton out again, but the IC Champ hangs on again. Jericho tries a cross body on Mark Henry but the big man catches him. He looks for snake eyes, but Jericho slips out of the way.
Henry elevates Jericho over the top rope, but Jericho lands on the apron and nails him with a missile dropkick off the top. Jericho tries to help Orton toss Goldberg out, but he overpowers them. Goldberg nails Orton with a short clothesline and goes after Jericho, but Jericho nails Goldberg with a dropkick to the knee. Orton and Henry combine their efforts and toss Jericho over the top rope.
They look towards Goldberg, but he begins to fight back. Henry whips Goldberg to the ropes but its reversed and he�s SPEARED~! Goldberg looks to pick up Henry, but he can�t�and Orton strikes. Orton connects with a nice dropkick�and looks to toss Henry over! Goldberg comes by for the assist and Henry is out!
It�s down to Goldberg and Randy Orton and Flair & Batista come to ringside for this.
They begin slugging it out�but Orton is quickly SPEARED~! He points at Batista and Flair and presses Orton over the top onto them to win the match to a pop.
Winner: Goldberg
My Opinion: I would have been surprised if Goldberg hadn�t won it. I figured he was a shoe in for number 30 since Goldberg doesn�t exactly have the best stamina and is pretty much a lock to win the Rumble. Once again, I�ll be surprised if Goldberg doesn�t win the Rumble itself. It�s a shame that RVD and Booker T had to be the first ones to go out but its obvious that WWE cares more for Orton and Henry than those two. **
Overall: I�m surprised that neither Shawn Michaels nor Triple H were on the show tonight for the hard sell. The Coach as the interim GM wasn�t too bad at all. His heel shtick is entertaining enough that I think he could pull the role off on a permanent basis�but he�s not a big enough name yet. Once again, the matches weren�t great, but at least there was a lot less talk than last week. Then again, I didn�t expect too much quality wrestling going on the week prior to the PPV anyway. Rumble looks to be shaping up nicely, although Goldberg is the odds on favorite, IMO.
�Til next week�
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
You know the deal. Send me any kind of feedback to [email protected].
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