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The Dames' Diatribe on WWE Raw - February 2nd, 2004
Posted by The Dames on Feb 3, 2004, 09:13
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The Dames� Diatribe on WWE Raw � February 2nd, 2004
I hope you�ve all read the Diatribe on the 2nd Flair disc�sorry about it�s delay.
Oh screw this, I have no time for small talk today.
I�m tired as hell and a bit cranky due to lack of sleep, so please bear with me in what should be an entertaining Diatribe.
The show starts out with clips of the Last Man Standing Match at the Royal Rumble as well as Benoit�s Rumble victory and subsequent jump to Raw.
The intro hits and Chris Jericho in the ring, welcoming us to the return of the Highlight Reel. He quickly introduces us to Chris Benoit, who Jericho claims has gotten more exposure than Janet Jackson�s breast. Benoit comes to the ring and shakes Jericho�s hand as Jericho tries to hype the crowd up some more. He warns Benoit about jumping to Raw to face Triple H, since he�ll have to worry about Evolution as well as Eric Bischoff.
Benoit gets on the mic and still doesn�t give a proper explanation for jumping to Raw. He gets straight to the point about wanting to become the new champion and the crowd pretty much responds with apathy, which crushes my soul. Jericho tells Benoit that he might be his own obstacle as he reiterates the sentiments of Benoit�s critics: he can�t win the big one.
Jericho shows Benoit a clip of the Royal Rumble , when Ric Flair approached him prior to the Rumble itself and told him that he can�t get the job done. Benoit looks to comment on Flair but is interrupted by the theme of the Nature Boy, who gets the biggest pop of the segment so far.
Flair comes down to the ring to a ton of �WOO�s� from the crowd and gets on THE STICK~! Flair gets in Benoit�s face and gives him his props before tearing him down again for not being able to win �the big one�. Of course, this leads into Flair giving Triple H his props and telling Benoit that Triple H is now �The Man� to beat.
Benoit agrees with him, Triple H is the man�and that�s why he wants him and will beat him at Mania to become the man. Benoit challenges Ric Flair to a match for tonight, but gets interrupted by Eric Bischoff. Bischoff, sporting some new glasses, decides that it won�t be Benoit vs. Flair tonight. After taking a shot at Paul Heyman, Bischoff tells Jericho that he and Christian that they�re NOT going to be in a #1 contender�s match for the tag straps, they�re getting the tag title shot against Batista and Flair tonight. That doesn�t go over very well with Flair as he bails from the ring out of frustration. Bischoff then tells Benoit, who�s in his wrestling gear, that he�s going to have his first official match on Raw after the commercial break.
My Two Cents: So, you�ve got one of the greatest wrestlers in the world on your roster now, but his main weakness is a lack of mic skills. You�re giving him a big push and what do you do? You put him on the mic two weeks in a row against superior mic workers and expect him to get big reactions out of the crowd. I�m not crying conspiracy theory (yet), but dammit, if you�re going to book him strong, play to his strengths, not his weaknesses.
As much as I hate to admit it, the crowd simply was not behind Benoit tonight and when it came down to his mic skills, Benoit�s weakness was exposed big time. He got the smallest pops out of anyone out there tonight and that doesn�t bode well for his future.
Also, I�m a bit surprised that Benoit�s past with Flair wasn�t hinted at whatsoever. Flair has been on Raw while Benoit has been on Smackdown for a majority of the time and now that they�re on opposite ends of a struggle, I would have appreciated some nod to their former Horsemen allegiance, especially with Flair in a new stable today.
Benoit will most likely get a win coming up, so whoever is facing will be playing job boy. In that case, my prediction is Matt Hardy vs. Benoit.
Of course, once I make my prediction, I�m proven wrong (no pun intended) as Mark Henry comes down to the ring to face the winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble in one on one competition.
Chris Benoit vs. Mark Henry (w/Teddy Long)
Match Background: The last time these two men crossed paths at all was in the Royal Rumble itself as Mark Henry, the #3 entrant, was eliminated by Chris Benoit.
The Match: Benoit starts the match by chopping away at Henry�s chest, but he�s stopped quickly with a knee to the midsection. Henry takes Benoit down with a hard shoulder tackle, but Benoit comes back with some more chops to the chest. Henry sends Benoit into the corner chest first and runs him over from behind. Henry takes him down with a hard clothesline and is in complete control as the crowd starts a small �Benoit� chant. Benoit comes back at Henry with chops once again, but gets nailed and falls to the mat.
Henry sends Benoit towards the ropes but Benoit clips his knee and goes to work on it. Henry catches a kick, but Benoit counters with an enziguiri before heading to the top rope. Triple H comes down to some boos as Benoit comes off the top with a flying headbutt to the standing Henry, but it doesn�t take the big man down. Benoit slumps in the corner to recover from the headbutt so Henry charges, but Benoit moves out of the way. Benoit looks for a German on Henry, but he�s too big. Henry goes for a clothesline and Benoit takes him down for the CROSSFACE~! and gets the tap out.
Benoit locks eyes with Triple H, who gives him a smug applause as he walks back up the ramp.
Winner: Chris Benoit
My Opinion: I�m actually surprised this match was so short as Henry tends to get at least 7-8 minutes to go for some reason. Conspiracy?
Anyway, Benoit wasn�t able to do much in the time allowed, but I wouldn�t say it was his fault or Henry�s. Henry�s being booked like a brick wall lately (which is playing to his strengths) and there�s only so much you can do in just a few short minutes when the guy won�t bump for you. 3/4*
A new Wrestlemania XX commercial plays, with Benoit, Guerrero, Triple H, Kurt Angle, Steve Austin, Ric Flair, John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Brock Lesnar, The Big Show and Goldberg hyping it up�and ends with Vince McMahon. This was very well put together and gave me chills. I can�t wait til March 14th!
In the back, Steve Austin approaches Shawn Michaels about his new depressed attitude. Austin asks if it�s about the fact that Benoit�s got the shot against Triple H at Mania and HBK thinks he�s out of the title picture. Austin tells him that he deserves a rematch for the World Title�and asks what HBK is going to do about it. Michaels says he�s not going to do anything about it, which Austin takes exception to since Michaels apparently �never said no to anything in his life�. I don�t know what Austin has been smokin�, but I can name at least 5 times off the top of my head where Michaels refused to put someone over or drop a title to someone.
Anyway, Austin tells Michaels to his face that if he wants the title, �do something about it�.
We get a video package on last week�s excellent closing angle between Mick Foley and Randy Orton.
Once it�s done, we go to a live feed of Foley entering the building. Foley walks past Test, who�s upset at Foley for knocking him out and taking his spot in the Rumble. Test distracts Foley for Orton, who nails Foley from behind with the IC Title. Test puts the boots to Foley, but Orton yells at him to stop�cuz he wants Foley for himself. Orton connects with another belt shot and tells a downed Foley that he indeed IS his bitch as the segment comes to a close.
We get a replay of Jackie Gayda�s �distraction� from last week, allowing Rico to defeat Rob Conway.
Rene Dupree (w/ Rob Conway) vs. Rico (w/Miss Jackie Gayda)
Match Background: Last week, Rob Conway lost to Rico when Jackie Gayda showed her boobies. Bottom line, that�s what happened. This week, Rene Dupree will face Rico to try to avenge his partner�s loss.
The Match: This week, Rico and Jackie (more so Jackie) get a better response from the crowd.
Jerry Lawler goes out of his way to sound stupid once again by claiming that MTV and Janet Jackson got the idea for their stunt from Jackie Gayda and only went halfway with it.
Rico slaps Dupree on the ass to start (how�s that for an original intro) and then rides him like a horse. I can�t believe I just typed that sentence and MEANT IT. That naturally upsets Dupree and Conway and Rico goes to the outside to make sure Conway doesn�t harm Miss Jackie at all. Dupree jumps on Rico from behind and tosses him back into the ring. The crowd actually gets behind Rico with a �USA� chant as Dupree chops away at Rico in the corner before following it up with a hard irish whip into the far side. The crowd knows what they really want as they chant �We Want Puppies� at Jackie. You think they give a SHIT about Rico?
Dupree is in complete control, but it only consists of rest holds. Rico fights out of it with a jaw breaker and follows it up with an atomic drop. Rico back body drops Dupree and connects with a hard kick in the corner for a two count. Rico connects with his reverse kick for another near fall as the crowd once again demands �Puppies�. All of a sudden, Stacy Keibler�s music hits and she comes down to the ring as Rico takes over in the corner.
Rico looks for a monkey flip out of the corner, but Conway holds onto Dupree and Rico goes crashing down. Stacy Keibler gets on the apron and moons Dupree, distracting him enough for Rico to get his shitting spinning roundhouse kick finisher and that�s the end.
Winner: Rico
After the match, Stacy Keibler comes into the ring once again to celebrate with Rico and Jackie. For the second week in a row, Jerry Lawler claims that �he�s got it! They�re going to be in Playboy together.� Moron.
Speaking of moron�s, Stacy gets on the mic and says that if Playboy is looking for a pair of divas�they are the two. She then requests her track off the WWE Originals CD and her & Jackie perform the tamest dance moves I�ve seen in a long time. The saddest part is that Jerry Lawler seems to have busted about three nuts from that.
My Opinion: The crowd is finally interested in Rico�s matches, but not for the right reasons. Apparently, stripping and wanting to be in Playboy has made Jackie Gayda a babyface and Rico one by association. Either way, these two aren�t the two in Playboy, so why pretend like they are and waste out time? Trash. 1/4*
Trish Stratus walks out of the weight room in the back and runs into Christian who�s reading the new issue of Rolling Stone with the Beatles on the cover. He tells her the story of the Beatles and Yoko Ono and how she broke up the Beatles, subtly comparing Trish to Yoko. Christian hilariously tells Trish that if he were Paul McCartney, he would have given Yoko Ono a �one-man conchairto� and be done with it. But of course�he�s not Paul McCartney. Once again, Christian brings the acting content.
In another ridiculous marketing ploy by WWE, relive Wrestlemania moments IN 3-D with the new WM magazine that comes with 3D Glasses. Don�t these people realize that NOTHING has worked well with those cheap red and blue glasses, not even Freddy�s Dead: The Final Nightmare. Nothing. Ohh, look. Pop-up wrestling pictures. Let me go out and shell 50 bucks.
Trish comes to the ring for a Women�s Title match against Molly Holly, but Eric Bischoff appears on the Tron, still wearing his snazzy glasses. He tells Trish that she�s not getting her Women�s Title shot tonight�but he does have a match in mind for her and Kane comes down.
Trish is frozen in the corner, but eventually tries to get away to no avail. Kane grabs her by the throat and looks for a chokeslam but Jericho nails him from behind to a pop. Jericho goads Kane into diving over the top rope and tells Trish to run away. Jericho heads towards Kane again, only to get nailed in the knee with a steel chair. Kane then send Jericho knee first into the steel ring post. Jericho is down as Kane awaits Goldberg for their scheduled match in the ring.
After the commercial break, Chris Jericho is now with the trainers looking over his knee when Trish Stratus comes in to check on him. Jericho is upset at Bischoff, now that he went back on his word and basically wasted his favor last week. Jericho says to Trish �forget about it, there�s something I have to tell you��but they�re interrupted by an irate Christian. He runs Trish out of the room with his comments and gets in Jericho�s face about jeopardizing their tag title shot tonight. Jericho stands up and gets in Christian�s face about his comments and tells him not to worry about him (Jericho) but to concentrate on getting the job done later on.
I�m getting a Royal Rumble �94 vibe here where Jericho is too hurt to continue and Christian attacks him for it, setting up a Mania match. I could be wrong�I�ve been wrong already tonight.
Meanwhile, Kane is still waiting for Goldberg.
Goldberg vs. Kane
Match Background: When Goldberg was World Champion for a couple of weeks, Kane made it clear that he wanted the World Title by chokeslamming him. They only squared off one on one on TV once and it was non-title. They were in a three way dance with Triple H at Armageddon, which is where he regained �his� title, but the issues between Goldberg and Kane were never settled.
The Match: Goldberg embraces a young girl at ringside that he knows before going into the ring.
J.R. lets us know immediately that this match is going to suck. �This ain�t gonna be pretty�.
Kane hits Goldberg with a knee to the midsection and sends him into the corner. He connects with a few shots before whipping Goldberg to the far side, only to get clotheslined. Goldberg takes over in the corner on Kane and hits a big shoulder tackle, taking the big man down. Kane gets up and NAILS Goldberg in the face with a big boot. Kane begins choking Goldberg as the crowd gets on his case with a �Goldberg�chant. Kane hits his side slam for a two count. Goldberg gets up with right hands, but gets put back down with an uppercut.
Kane beats on Goldberg in the corner, but the ref separates the two, allowing Goldberg to come back with a power slam. Goldberg takes him down with a couple of clotheslines�but Kane gets up and chokeslams him.
All of a sudden, lightning strikes one of the ring posts and the creepy Undertaker video plays again.
Kane turns around into a SPEAR~! Goldberg looks for the Jackhammer�but the Undertaker�s gong hits and Goldberg decides to get out of the ring as smoke starts to fill it up. The lights go blue once again as it fills up with smoke with Kane inside and he freaks out, running away through the crowd.
Winner: No contest
My Opinion: Well, that was odd. Screw the match for a second. It looks like the Undertaker is coming back as the Dead Man, which brings along all of the silly, unbelievable angles he was involved in throughout the 90�s. Can this work with the much smarter crowd of this day and age? The crowd pops for it, but is it because of the novelty of old school Taker? A part of me wants to mark out�but the rest of me feels that things like this just insult my intelligence and should never have been a part of wrestling anyway. I�m torn.
The match was it�s usual brawl fest between the two big men. Nothing fancy, nothing great, just �high impact� crap before a non finish. 1/2 *
Booker T vs. Matt Hardy
Match Background: Apparently, Booker T defeated Matt Hardy on Heat�but no one saw it since everyone was watching the Super Bowl.
The Match: Booker T comes to the ring to his �Can You Dig It� track off WWE Originals again.
Matt Facts for tonight: �Matt has never run out of gas driving� and �Matt�s chest hair grows swiftly�.
Matt Hardy attacks Booker at the bell, but Booker fights back. Both look for a clothesline in an awkward spot that looks like something went wrong. Matt bulldogs Booker out of the corner, Bret Hart style, for two. Booker gets up, only to get hooked into a sleeper by Matt Hardy. Booker rams Matt into the turnbuckle to escape, but Hardy is relentless, continuing to go after him with an elbow off the 2nd rope for two.
Matt hits a cravate for a nearfall and hooks on a 3/4 nelson on Booker�s neck. Booker fights out of it, only to take a knee to the midsection. Hardy drops the leg for another two count and looks to be getting seemingly frustrated. Hardy hooks on a rest hold and Booker fights out of it, only to get caught in the Side Effect for two. Hardy looks for 2nd Side Effect, but Booker elbows out of that and gets a spinebuster. Booker connects with a dropkick and follows it up with a side kick for two. Booker connects with a spinning wheel kick for two, but Hardy trips Booker into the turnbuckle, looking for a rope assisted pinfall. Booker hits a big boot and delights the crowd with a SPINAROONIE~! Matt Hardy looks for the Twist of Fate but Booker shoves him away and connects FLUSH with the scissors kick for the pinfall.
Winner: Booker T
My Opinion: Matt Hardy has been losing so much, they�re turning it into a storyline�which never bodes well for the wrestler in question, especially if they�re already a heel. There were way too many rest holds in this match and these two don�t seem to click well together based on this viewing. Maybe Hardy just wasn�t putting his heart into it tonight, due to constantly being Raw�s new job boy. *1/4.
In the back, Shawn Michaels is approached by his opponent Randy Orton tonight. Michaels tells him that he�s cleaning Hunter�s blood off of his boot, but Orton isn�t scared by that. Orton talks the usual trash and Michaels tells him that if he�s not careful, it�ll be his blood on his boot tonight.
Triple H comes to the ring�in his wrestling gear for an unscheduled non-title match.
He gets on the mic and basically buries Brock Lesnar by saying that Benoit came to Raw to face the �real, true� World Champion. Benoit wants the title that Triple H claims �means you are the best�. He announces a contract signing for next week�
Triple H says that while Benoit impressed him by defeating Mark Henry tonight (and apparently separating his shoulder), he�ll be facing a man who he feels he has a lot in common with next week, Ric Flair. Triple H wants Benoit to watch him now�to see what being the best means.
Triple H vs. Spike Dudley
Match Background: Triple H just wants to make a statement.
The Match: Even The Coach, playing a heel announcer, takes exception FOR Brock Lesnar for Triple H�s comments. I wonder what Brock really thinks about being trashed on the other show for no reason.
Spike attacks Triple H from behind after Trips just turns his back on him, showing him no respect. The attack leads nowhere but into Triple H�s knee as its rammed into Spike�s face. Trips chops Spike in the corner and nails him with right hands before following it up with a suplex. Trips hits a knee drop and a knee to the midsection later�and Spike takes the Pedigree.
Winner: Triple H
My Opinion: Total squash. DUD. Want me to say more? Fine. This was a total masturbatory segment that just reeked of ego. You happy?
A clip of Brock Lesnar calling Goldberg a wannabe from Smackdown is shown in a WWE Rewind segment.
In the back, Steve Austin goes into Goldberg�s locker room to speak to him. Austin tells Goldberg that he�s got a front row ticket to No Way Out, where Eddie Guerrero will be getting his shot for the WWE Title against Brock Lesnar. Austin can�t make it, so he offers it to Goldberg. Austin gives it to him�but asks that he �not do anything he wouldn�t do�, which is basically telling him to interfere.
So THAT�s how Eddie Guerrero is going to win the WWE Title. You didn�t think he�d pin Brock straight up before Mania, did you?
Christian & Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair & Batista for the World Tag Team Titles
Match Background: Christian and Chris Jericho were supposed to face another team to earn the right to face Flair & Batista, but Bischoff made them the #1 contenders automatically earlier tonight. After Kane came out to attack Trish, Jericho tried to help and screwed up his knee, angering his partner Christian again. In the past few weeks, Jericho and Christian haven�t gotten along since Jericho�s feelings for Trish seem to be interfering.
Last week, Chris Jericho tagged with RVD to face Evolution and ended up getting spinebustered on the floor by Batista.
The Match: Jericho limps to the ring to his WWE Originals track as he enters first.
Christian starts out first against Flair, who takes him down and rides him on the mat. Christian reverses into a hammerlock, so Flair goes to the ropes. Christian knocks Flair down with a shoulder block and impressively turns a hiplock attempt into an abdominal stretch. He then drops down for a pinfall and back body drops Flair for two. Flair makes a blind tag to Batista, who comes in and nails Christian with his spinebuster. He hits Christian with a HUGE backbreaker before tagging back out to Flair, who works on the back with a hard irish whip. Flair chops away in the corner before nailing him with rights and lefts, but Christian fights out of it, only to collide heads with Flair. Christian tags out to Jericho who comes in to chop away at Flair. He connects with a pair of clotheslines and an enziguiri on Batista. He goes for a pin on Flair, but the big man breaks it up and Christian comes in to double team him.
Christian and Jericho clothesline him over the top and Christian hits a pescado on Batista to the outside. In the ring, Jericho nails Flair and goes for the Lionsault, but Flair moves out of the way and Jericho hurts his knee. Flair sees this and immediately looks to slap on the Figure Four, but Jericho rolls him up for two. Jericho looks for the Walls of Jericho, but on the outside, Batista rams Christian back first into the steel ring post. As the referee pays attention to Christian, Flair is tapping out inside the ring.
Batista comes in and clips Jericho�s injured knee to break the hold. Flair puts the Figure Four on in the middle of the ring this time and wrenches it on! Jericho taps out and that�s the match�
Winners: Ric Flair & Batista
My Opinion: Considering that Batista isn�t the greatest worker in the world, I was really enjoying this match until it went straight to the finishing sequence. If these two teams were given more time, I think they could have pulled off something very decent. I�m surprised that Christian and Jericho didn�t have a confrontation after the match, but I guess they�re going to leave that for next week. *1/2
The Wrestlemania Recall this year is HBK�s entrance from WM 12.
Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels (Non-Title)
Match Background: These two men feuded for a part of 2003 when Randy Orton was trying to make a name for himself as the �Legend Killer�. They met several times during the year, including a match at last year�s �Badd Blood� where Randy Orton defeated Shawn Michaels with the help of some brass knuckles. Since then, Michaels did go on to defeat him (and feud with every member of Evolution) but tonight, they square off again.
The Match: They lock up, ending up in the corner having to be separated. Orton connects with some right hands, but Michaels fires back with chops. Orton looks for a clothesline, but HBK takes him down with a crucifix for two. He hooks on a side headlock, but Orton escapes�only to get caught in it again. Orton gets out it and connects with a hard back elbow for a two count. Orton grabs Michaels in a front face lock and attacks his back before following it up with a Euro uppercut. Orton works Michaels in the corner, but HBK fights back�only for Orton to go for his standing dropkick and nail the ref instead, sending him out of the ring.
HBK shoves Orton into the corner and chops away at him�but Orton whips Michaels HARD to the far side and he ends up in the Tree of Woe, hurting his back. Orton notices that the official is gone and heads to ringside to grab his IC Title. All of a sudden, the Glass Shatters and Austin comes driving down to the ring in his ATV with Earl Hebner in the back. He stops short of running over the other official and takes Orton�s IC Title with him. He puts it in the back of his ATV and places the beat up official there as well before driving up.
Michaels turns Orton around and chops away at him. Orton looks to back drop Michaels over the top rope to the floor, but Michaels reverses it and both men spill to the outside before a commercial break. It looks like HBK has hurt his knee�
When we come back, Orton has Michaels in a surfboard stretch and the replay shows that he connected with the 3.0 to set it up. Michaels fights out of it, but eats a knee to the midsection before Orton hooks the stretch in again. HBK fights out of it again and rolls Orton up for two. Orton pops back up and connects with a clothesline for two before hooking on the stretch once again.
HBK fights back once again and hooks on a sleeper, but Orton counters it with a back suplex for two. Orton heads to the top and goes for his cross body, but HBK moves out of the way and Orton crashes and burns. A slugfest erupts between them, but HBK gets the flying forearm and nips up. HBK heads up to the top and connects with the top rope elbow. He�s looking for Sweet Chin Music�but Orton catches it and goes for the RKO! HBK blocks that, but gets DDT�ed.
All of a sudden, Foley starts walking down the aisle, pointing at Orton. HBK pops up and rolls him up for the pin.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Orton begins beating down Foley in the corner, but a blind charge allows Foley to take him to the floor with a clothesline. Foley follows and takes him into the crowd. Flair, Batista and Triple H comes down to help�but Triple H goes into the ring to beat on Michaels.
Benoit comes in and pulls him off�but Triple H doesn�t want to go to blows with him. Benoit doesn�t back down as he gets in his face�but Trips backs away instead.
Shawn Michaels, who�s behind Chris Benoit�turns him around and�shakes his hand as the show closes.
My Opinion: This was definitely not as good as their other encounters and had a very, shitty finish. Orton is improving, I�ll give him that, but he�s not nearly as good as WWE claims he is. I hope he proves me wrong one day, simply because if I were in his situation, I�d want to make the most of it too.
I honestly thought HBK was going to blast Benoit with a superkick to end the show. The old HBK would have done it for sure. I�m curious as to what the crowd reaction would have been though. *3/4
Overall: This wasn�t as good as last week�s show as I feel the angles took a bit of a dive this week. What happened to Mark Henry wanting to take on Goldberg again? The WWE preview talked about Bischoff countermanding Heyman�s lawsuit�but nothing happened. It just wasn�t an eventful show.
What WWE needs to concentrate on from now until Mania is to make Chris Benoit the biggest threat to Triple H�s title in a LONG time. If that means feeding guys to Benoit, including Michaels, so be it. Right now, the fans aren�t 100% behind Benoit and that doesn�t bode well at all for a babyface Mania challenger.
�Til next time,
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
Send all feedback to [email protected].
IMPORTANT: If you�re an AOL user, send your feedback to [email protected]. Because of the big virus going around, AOL is treating TSM e-mails as hostile and won�t allow it to come through. With this e-mail addy, I�ll be able to respond to you quickly. My apologies for those of you I haven�t been able to contact in recent weeks.
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