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TNA
Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/29/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Mar 29, 2004, 22:34
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/29/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Isn't it amazing how much things can change in six years? Six years ago today, WrestleMania was built around Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels. Tonight, Raw will probably built around...um...Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels. Well, and Chris Benoit and probably Triple H. This is gonna confuse the people who only watch Raw.
Tonight: We'll see Raw's fallout from last week's draft lottery. We'll see some of the new Raw talent in action, and we'll likely see them begin the road to Backlash. Matches? Eh, I'm too lazy to check wwe.com before the show, so find out along with me.
Segment 1
The opening focuses on Triple H being sung right out of Raw...only to be traded right back. Fuck the World Champion and the top contender, the boss' son-in-law is on the show!
L-I-V-E LIVE from the US Bank Arena in Cincinnati, Ohio! In a match that make absolutely no sense, Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels meet Ric Flair and Batista for the World Tag Team Title. Plus Trish Stratus will be the special guest on Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel!
But first, here comes Evolution, but not with their leader. Flair wants to make something very clear. Batista and himself are thrilled to defend the titles against Michaels and Benoit. "And we're also thrilled...keep your mouth shut, pal, I'm talking!" Vintage Flair there. And they're also thrilled that Triple H is back on Raw. He was disappointed in the locker room last week. What, because they want a chance to actually get elevated before being sent to midcard hell via a Pedigree? Hunter will deal with the locker room later, but Flair is tired about the lack of respect for Randy Orton. I mean, he beat Mick Foley at WrestleMania XX. That just starts a "Foley" chant as Flair demands respect for the Intercontinental Champion. And as bad as his throat is, the champ has something to say. Orton struggles to talk after having his tonsils removed last week, but being here shows he has guts. Unlike Mick Foley. That proves Foley's a coward after all. So cue the music, as here comes Mick F'N Foley. Orton's feeling disrespected by the fans? Unloved, maybe? Well, Foley thinks Orton proved himself at WrestleMania: That he can beat an actor and a children's author in a 3-on-2 situation. And the fans think things might have turned out differently if it was 1-on-1. Flair reminds Foley that Orton issued the challenge two weeks ago for Backlash, and Foley asks that Evolution be banned from ringside for that match. Um...wasn't that Orton's stipulation anyway? And Foley wants the Intercontinental Title on the line. Flair doesn't see the problem with that either. But Foley doesn't agree unless the rulebook is thrown out the window. No rules, no holds barred, falls count anywhere. "You can call it a street fight, you can call it hardcore, but rest assured, you accept, and you get hurt." Flair accepts, but Foley wants to hear it from Orton himself. Orton accepts, and Foley tells him to show up three times tougher than he ever thought possible or be torn apart.
La Resistance and Garrison Cade are giving Tajiri Yoshihiro an initiation by telling him to spew green mist on the next oerson who walks through the door. They wait. And they wait. And in comes Coach, who gets sprayed in the eyes and screams like a girl. Everyone laughs, including me, but they then inform Tajiri that Coach is Bischoff's boy.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
What a tremendous opening segment! First off, we got a vintage Ric Flair promo, which did a better job of getting the feud over than pretty much anything else has. (Note to WWE creative: Flair needs to talk more.) Then we get Foley coming out to negotiate terms, and the crowd reaction was just simply awesome. You could barely hear the interview over the cheers and boos from the crowd. Simply awesome for atmosphere. Does it mean the match at Backlash will be any good? Who knows? But despite what some of you might be hoping for, the crowds are responding to it, which is the most important thing.
Segment 2
One fall: Nidia vs. Molly Holly (w/brunette wig)
Was Nidia ever on Raw in the post-Tough Enough stretch? This might be a legitimate Raw debut. Chain wrestling sequence to start, with Molly working over the left arm. Molly puts Nidia onto the apron and rams her shoulder into the ringpost. Back in, and Molly continues to work over the arm. Arm wringer takedown into the keylock. Wristlock. Nidia with forearms, but Molly maintains control. Nidia gets a roll up for 2, and now it's Clotheslineamania running wild. Slingshot into the turnbuckle. Northern Lights suplex for 2. Molly goes back to the arm, but she misses the handspring elbow. Nidia rips the wig off, then rolls up a distressed Molly for the pin at 2:51. And you wonder why I thought that was mistake at WrestleMania. *
Last week, Eric Bischoff got speared by Raw lottery pick Edge.
Eric Bischoff then asks who put the footage on without permission, but ::smile:: Johnny Spade says "Dude, I don't know." People seem to forget who's in charge. Bischoff asks Spade to bring Edge to him, but Spade tells "E.B." that he hasn't seen Edge all day. That's all Bischoff needs to put Edge in the ring at Backlash with Kane.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I saw the Molly angle two years ago. When Kurt Angle was wearing the wigs after losing the hair vs. hair match to Edge at Judgment Day. At least Angle got to cut some promos or something to put himself over. Molly's just basically told "Outwrestle everybody until they pull your wig off, then get pinned." By the way, JR and Kingfish, Molly didn't wrestle "last week", it was two weeks ago.
As far as Edge vs. Kane goes...you'd think they'd put Edge in the ring with somebody a bit lower on the totem pole for his first match back, but at least it fits with Bischoff being upset about being speared last week.
Segment 3
Trish Stratus will be on the Highlight Reel later tonight.
Good Ol' JR and The King discuss the Edge-Kane match at Backlash.
The Hurricane vs. ...
Forget that, because Hungry Hungry Hippos is out and angry, so he attacks Hurricane from behind and storms the ring. This is good, actually, because I could use a nap. That was a message to everyone in the Raw locker room. They were all happy when Hunter was on the way to SmackDown, but who's laughing now? Triple H, because Bischoff would have traded anybody to get him back because he can't have the number one show without the number one guy. I'd rather see one of the guys you got traded for myself. Hunter essentially claims to be the top draw, then claims Angle traded him back to Raw because he's still jealous that Hunter slapped him around a few weeks ago. Hunter claims that the HBK-Benoit match at Backlash will be changed to Triple H-Benoit, and that brings Bischoff out to ask him how he is. "I'd say I feel like a million bucks, but I wouldn't want to take the paycut." Bischoff agrees that Raw wouldn't be the same with Triple H, and he'd have traded the entire roster to have him back, but as far as the title goes, Shawn Michaels was given a verbal commitment and he can't back down or he's breaking the law. But he can add to it...and he's giving us the rematch of the triple threat match at WrestleMania. So much for "Where it all begins again", huh?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
*sigh* And just seven days ago, we thought we were through with seeing Triple H in Raw main events when there are guys who are deserving of the spotlight waiting for it. Hey, the WrestleMania match was fantastic, and I'm sure the rematch will be hot as well, but for all the shaking up the draft lottery was supposed to do, we're getting the same main event we had at WrestleMania. And this time, probably without the result fans want, which is "not Triple H".
Segment 4
Did you know Walking Tall debuts on Friday? If you didn't, here's Mr. Walking Tall to tell you about it.
Triple H meets Evolution, and Shelton Benjamin walks right by him. Batista wants to know what he was laughing at, and Triple H attacks him from behind. Lesson #1: Never disrespect "The Game". Damn, he was in the locker room all of what, ten minutes at that point last week?
Lance Storm is in the ring, and he asks for the music to stop. He tried to please the people with the awful music and the silly dance, and it just made him a joke. He's mocked by his peers and by the fans. Fourteen years of hard work, and all he gets is "Dance, Lance, dance." And with his one chance to put it all behind him last week had he gone to SmackDown...and he's getting interrupted by his opponent.
Lance Storm vs. The Man Beast Rhyno
An small "EC-dub" chant starts as Storm takes a brief advantage, but it's a quick spinebuster and Gore to put it away at 35 seconds. What the fuck? DUD
Tajiri is backstage practicing his apology, and he walks into the office as Coach is explaining what happened...and complaining that Tajiri's mist is still on his teeth. Coach then starts telling lies about things Tajiri said about Raw, then asks Eric "What if it had been you who walked through that door earlier?" Bischoff says if Tajiri wants an initiation, he'll get one. No disqualification. Against Kane. Oh crap. Coach laughs at Tajiri.
And don't forget, we have that tag team title match later on.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Just when I was going to praise them for one thing (letting Lance Storm be himself), they go and give him less offense than Tyson Dux on an episode of Velocity. If you're saying "Tyson WHO?", then my point is made.
And it's not looking good for the former SmackDown talent. OK, Nidia and Rhyno looked good, but Nidia as breasts and Rhyno weighs more than 260. But Tajiri's bound to get destroyed and Benjamin's getting beaten down for something he really had nothing to do with.
Segment 5
Last week in Washington, DC, the USO gave WWE the Legacy of Hope Award.
One fall for the World Tag Team Championship: Chris BenOIT (World Heavyweight Champion) and the Holy Bible Kid) vs. Batista and The Man WHOO! (champions)
And your special referee for this contest: Johnny Spade. Correction: Johnny Nitro. Pick a fucking name for him already! Anyway, a four man brawl to start until Flair and Benoit get involved in a chopping contest. Flair goes for the Figure-Four very early, but Benoit counters into the Crippler Crossface, and Batista makes the save. The champions end up on the floor, and it's HBK with a suicide dive onto the champions. Batista back in, and Benoit goes to work on the big man's legs. In comes HBK with a splash to the knee. Batista kicks Michaels off, but Michaels goes back to work on the knee. Another kick-off by Batista, and he takes HBK down with a clothesline and tags in Flair. Michaels with a drop toehold, and then into the figure-four leglock. The shoulders are down, but there's no count, and Flair reaches the ropes. Flair to the apron, but HBK suplexes him back in. Benoit tagged in, and there's a series of chops. Flair flop to a pop. Flair with a couple of elbows and some chops of his own. Tag to Batista, who pounds away at Benoit. Double chop by Benoit as JR claims Johnny Nitro's middle name is "Monday". HBK is in, and he does the count along punches in the corner. Snap mare and a tag to Benoit, who legdrops Batista's arm. Quick tags by the challengers as they keep Batista in the corner, but Batista takes Shawn down with a spinebuster. Too bad JR and Lawler are too busy discussing the Highlight Reel to see Flair tag in and work over HBK. Double underhook suplex by Flair for 2. Armbar. Chop. Strut (WHOO!). Tag to Batista. Powerslam by Batista for 2. Tag to Flair. Chop. HBK with chops of his own. Right hands by Michaels, then a headlock. Flair throws him into the ropes, and they knock each other down. Flair up top, but he's a heel this week, so HBK throws him down to the mat. Flair misses the elbowdrop, and there's the hot tag to Benoit. Benoit with a series of chops, and he knocks Batista off the apron for good measure. Rolling Germans by Benoit for Flair, and he locks in the sharpshooter. Batista comes in and levels Benoit to break the hold, and HBK goes after Batista. HBK intimidates Nitro...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Wow! We're ten minutes into this match at this point, and all four men are feeling it tonight! Two minor gripes at this point: They couldn't decide whether to focus on Batista's arms or legs, and there have been too many chops used as transitions. But there has been some great action already in this contest!
Segment 6
More chops by Flair. Enzuigiri by Benoit, taking advantage of a time-wasting "WHOO". Tag to Batista, tag to HBK, and Michaels with a flying forearm and a nip-up. Benoit suplexes Batista, then the challengers dump him over the top rope. Diving headbutt to Flair, and HBK tunes up the band and lays out Flair. There's the cover for the pin and the titles at 14:33! I'm surprised...but wasn't Batista legal? There's the celebration...and there's the announcement that the match must continue. Well, at least I was paying attention. Flair with a roll up and a quick two count, and Michaels knocks Johnny Nitro down...and that will give Flair and Batista the DQ victory at 15:02 total. ***1/4 The problem: The title change was already announced, so didn't that technically make the title change official? And shouldn't they technically retain on the DQ? Oh sorry, I'm using that logic thing again. Postmatch, Michaels grabs Johnny Nitro by the hair and tosses him into the ring, and Benoit locks in the Crippler Crossface.
Shelton Benjamin complains to Bischoff about being beaten down when he was excited for his first night at Raw. Benjamin wants something done about Hunter's behavior, but Bischoff gives him Lesson #2: Never disrespect Eric Bischoff. But in comes Sheriff Austin, who claims it was good advice, but he has a third lesson for young Shelton. It's a new start for him, so if he shook Bischoff's hand tonight he'd be considered a sellout. Austin tells Benjamin he should challenge Triple H and make a name for himself, since that's how they do things on Raw. So Benjamin issues the challenge, and Bischoff grants him the match. Austin wishes him luck.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And that, my friends, is what they call "the Dusty Finish". Sadly, in a "real" sense the restart is a good call since the illegal man was pinned, and the DQ would also be the right call since you can't touch the referee, but it put a damper on an otherwise very good TV match.
Now, what are the odds that Triple H wins his match tonight with a Pedigree? I'd say you'd win the bet and still lose money.
Segment 7
Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel!
As always, Y2J+4 is your host, and he has to congratulate Christian and Trish Stratus. They humuliated him at the biggest event in WWE history, but he vows revenge. But not tonight, because if he puts his hands on Trish, he'll be fined and suspended. But he's owed an explanation by his guest tonight, Trish Stratus. She might be a Jezebel, but she's hotter than hell. Lawler: "I'd love to meet a woman with two tongues." Stratus brags that she can't be touched like she touched Jericho at WrestleMania. The explanation: He just wasn't there for her. He wasn't there for her match with Christian because of a bum knee, but a real man would have hobbled to ring and risked his body for hers. But Christian was there for her. Um...he's the one who kicked your ass, wasn't he? That's the kind of support I'd want. But Christian told Trish that Jericho was using him. "I'm a three time Babe of the Year. You're not even in my league." So they came up with the plan to humuliate Jericho at WrestleMania (and there are the "slut" chants). They plotted all night long (and that's not all they did all night long). Jericho says he understands where she's coming from. She's a former women's champion, the babe of the year, and the "slut of the century". "All I did was put my foot in my mouth, and that's nothing compared to what you put in yours. You say I blew it, but you're the one doing all the blowing around here. And they say Kurt Angle sucks! You're easier than Paris Hilton on Viagra!" But props to the CLB and the FDDBBTH. "The Creepy Little Bastard and the Filthy, Dirty, Disgusting, Brutal, Bottomfeeding Trash Bag Ho". Let the crowd say it along with Jericho.
Kane vs. Tajiri is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
The explanation is weak. "You weren't there for me when I got my ass kicked, so I decided to screw the man who kicked my ass." Sorry, not buying it, although I do admit Trish is doing a decent job playing the heel. Jericho's tirade was an absolute classic. Plenty of material for the next "favorite wrestling quotes" thread in the TSM Forums. Entertainment segment, even if it didn't truly further anything.
Segment 8
Live in Cincinnati, and thanks for finally making us number one last week for the first time in forever.
Trish is upset that Christian wasn't there for her, but he was in Bischoff's office getting "the match" for Backlash.
No Disqualification Match scheduled for one fall: Tajiri Yoshihiro vs. Kane
Tajiri tries to kick away at Kane, but he doesn't do a whole hell of a lot of damage, and he gets clotheslined by Kane. A handspring elbow by Tajiri does nothing. Tajiri uses a kick to the face to avoid a choke slam, but he runs into Kane's big boot. Tajiri avoids the flying clothesline and superkicks Kane. The tarantula is blocked, and now the fight is on the outside. Tajiri crawl into the ring and sprays Kane in the eyes with the green mist, and Kane is counted out at 1:43. Isn't a countout the same thing as a disqualification? Ah, screw it, it's a win for Tajiri, I won't argue. 1/2* Kane gets back into the ring and choke slams Tajiri, but he gets speared by Edge before he can hit a second one.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Really not much to say about the match, although I am very surprised that Tajiri got a win of any type over Kane. This was merely a set up to start the buildup for Edge vs. Kane at Backlash. And speaking of Backlash, why do I get the feeling that the match Christian was talking about at Backlash will actually be Christian and Trish Stratus against Jericho in a handicap match? Call it a hunch.
Segment 9
Shelton Benjamin is getting ready, and in comes Chris Benoit. Benoit says SmackDown's in the past, so instead of holding a grudge, he tells Benjamin to show Triple H just what he's made of. He said Benoit couldn't do it, but Benoit made him tap. So now it's Shelton's turn. Then it's Hurricane's turn: "Do us all a favor. Take Triple H down." Then it's Foley's turn. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."
Your hosts discuss the match, which is now the official main event of tonight's show.
"SmackDown Rebound" highlights what happened on SmackDown with the former Raw superstars.
Ric Flair gives Triple H the usual pep talk, as he wants the entire locker room to learn a lesson about respect. The match is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
So some prominent members of the Raw roster are looking for Shelton Benjamin to help take down the evil tyrant known as Triple H. Hey, if it helps put Benjamin over, I'm all for it...but it doesn't guarantee Benjamin a victory. And with all the talk about Benjamin, particularly the first impression stuff from Foley, I'm hoping for at least a DQ victory or something.
Segment 10
One fall: Hungry Hungry Hippos vs. Shelton Benjamin
Lockup in the corner, and Hunter with a clean break...and a slap to the face. Waistlock takedown by Benjamin, and if you got points for riding time in professional wrestling, Shelton would be well on his way to a bonus point. Lockup, another waistlock takedown, and that should probably be a stall warning for Triple H. Benjamin returns the slap, and Triple H is PISSED! A "Shelton" chant breaks out. Wow. Triple H with a side headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. "You tapped out" chants as Shelton nips up to prevent a Triple H attack. Hunter with a knee to the midsection. Whip, reversal, and Shelton avoids a Pedigree. Hunter tells him it was *that close*. Benjamin with a headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Benjamin blocks a hiptoss and gets a backslide for 2. Benjamin tells him it was *that close*. Benjamin goes to work on the left arm, and there's a beautiful armdrag takedown into an armbar. Ricky Steamboat would be proud. Triple H to the ropes, and no clean break this time. Corner whip, Benjamin tries the kick. Triple H catches the foot, but Benjamin hits the Dragon Whip for a very near fall. Benjamin locks in the armbar, and out comes Ric Flair. Benjamin is dumped to the floor...and Chris Benoit comes out to even the odds.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It's slower paced than a lot of people were probably hoping for, but the psychology is sound. Triple H hasn't really been taking Benjamin seriously and has been taunting him a bit, but Benjamin has returned the taunting to show he hasn't been intimidated. I'm digging this one so far.
Segment 11
Triple H with a top wristlock, Benjamin with a bridge, and he takes Triple H down with it and locks in the armbar. Triple H with an Irish whip and a high knee. Small package by Benjamin for 2, and Hunter responds by ramming Benjamin's shoulder into the ringpost. And again into the opposite corner. Reverse neckbreaker for 2. Mounted punches. Overhand right. A series of roundhouse rights, and Hunter has turned it into a brawl. Suplex. Kneedrop for 2. Hunter taunts Benjamin by shoving him with the boot. Forearm smash. Roundhouse right. Benjamin blocks a right hand and hits a few of his own. Whip, reversal, sleeperhold by Triple H. Surprisingly, no "shades of Johnny Weaver" by JR. The arm drops twice, but it's not 1987, so Benjamin breaks it by ramming Triple H into the turnbuckle. Boot to the face by Hunter, but he runs into Benjamin's flying elbowsmash. Benjamin with forearms and punches, then a BAAAAAAACK bodydrop. Benjamin ducks a clothesline and gets a Russian legsweep for 2. Hunter with a knee, but Shelton locks in a sleeper, which Hunter turns into a back suplex. Up to the second turnbuckle, but he leaps right into Benjamin's extended boot. Benjamin clotheslines Triple H over the top rope, then jumps off the apron and takes Hunter down with a lariat. Thumb to the eye by Hunter, but Benjamin rams Hunter into the ring steps and rolls him back into the ring. Off the top with a flying clothesline for a near fall. Count along punches by Benjamin, but Hunter drops him face first onto the turnbuckle. Hunter runs into a powerslam for...damn, only 2. Benjamin ducks, Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Benjamin counters into a roll up for 2. Flair runs over and hits Benjamin with a cheap right hand, and that brings Benoit over after him. That distracts Hunter, and then Benjamin hits a Stinger Splash...and rolls Hunter up for the pin at 19:53. Holy shit! I saw it, and I still don't believe it! ***1/2
END OF SHOW
And with one move, Shelton Benjamin gets a clean pin over Triple H and moves a step closer to superstardom. A very good match, although it dragged on when Hunter was on offense following the commercial break. But some great false finishes, and the crowd was really into most of them, which probably helped more fans be completely surprised that we didn't get the predictable finish.
Overall, I like the effort provided by the new Raw. Much like SmackDown, I'm not sure how much of this is going to be remembered by the casual fan by this time next week, but you had a couple of solid wrestling matches with some very entertaining interview segments, making it a solid show overall. Granted, I hate Lance Storm: Jobber Extraordinaire, but if they give this kind of effort every week (and continue to elevate guys while they're at it), then the opportunity is there to turn a corner for the better in short order.
And yet knowing WWE, they'll hurt their own momentum before SmackDown even gets on the air. Join me then, and bring the feedback during the wait.
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