Movies / TV
Books / Comics
" The Gravel Pit "
A PCN Deathmatch Double Shot: Part 1
Posted by The Paradise City Ninjas on Jun 19, 2004, 21:39
J.C.: Well, after seeing my fellow PCN Jay “Snuggles” Doring write an article, I figured it might as well be time for another mass PCN circle-jerk over an indy tape. However, Jay’s off making money and “potentially” knocking up his girlfriend, Tom’s off doing whatever the hell it is he does, licking stamps and other things for Dave Prazak or something, and Chris saw a sale at Abercrombie and Eagle or Hilfiger or whatever those friggin’ stores are called two weeks ago and we haven’t seen him since. And he owes me money, too.
So, it’s up to me to try and carry the load this time, which doesn’t mean you have to go hitting the back button on your browser and all. I’ll still entertain you, the best way I know how: Gratuitous violence. And what better way then with not only the best U.S. deathmatch tournament of 2003, but arguably the best indy SHOW of 2003?
Gentlemen (like hell ladies are gonna read this), the Paradise City Ninjas present: IWA-Mid South’s King of the Deathmatches 2003.
Now, as far as I can tell, Ian Rotten was sitting at home one day and more or less decided to book half of the wrestlers on the Eastern Seaboard, or at least those who were willing to come out to Indiana on a bus full of delusional marks (and I mean that in the nicest way, I do, I do) from the Philly/Jersey area. So, in addition to IWA’s yearly tradition of lots of lightbulb smashing and copious bloodloss, as compared to the normal lightbulb smashing and semi-copious bloodloss which occurs on the regular shows, we get Homicide taking on Chris Hero for the IWA-MS’s heavyweight belt, Jerry Lynn, Sonjay Dutt, Adam Flash, Matt Striker (of the Matt Martel variety, not the unibrow variety) and “adjective beginning with the letter “B”” Becky Bayless.
In addition, there was a little deathmatch tourney thingy as well, with the following participants:
-Mad Man Pondo (2000 MAW Hardcore Cup Winner)
-Corporal Robinson (2001 MAW Hardcore Cup Winner, 2000 KODM Runner-Up)
-Axl Rotten (1997 KODM Runner-Up)
-JC Bailey (IWA-MS Light Heavyweight Champion)
-“Mr. Insanity” Toby Klein
-Ian Rotten (1999 & 2003 MAW Hardcore Cup Winner, 1997 & 2001 KODM)
-“Mean” Mitch Page (2002 Hardcore Cup Winner, 2001 KODM Runner-Up)
-“Spyder” Nate Webb (2002 IWA-MS KODM Runner-Up)
-Necro Butcher (2002 KODM)
-Rollin’ Hard (2000 KODM, 2001 KODM Runner-Up)
-Dysfunction (MAW Tag Team Champion)
-Hardcore” Nick Gage (likes pudding)
-Messiah (CZW Heavyweight Champion)
-Horace the Psychopath (MAW Tag Team Champion)
-2 Tuff Tony
Now, there were some other people booked as well, but were taken off the show. Kinatro “W*ING” Kanemura and Bad Boy Hido were taken off the show when the cost of flying them in from Japan was billions and billions of Yen. “Sick” Nick Mondo cancelled when he felt that he would be unable to go with CZW’s Tournament of Death 2 the weekend before (which featured many participants in KODM), and he was right, since Mondo and Zandig almost killed themselves going off the roof of a building. Supreme was taken off after the relationship between XPW and IWA-MS fell through and Ian started working with CZW. Vic Grimes might have been the same deal as Supreme, but I can’t remember if he was ever officially announced or not. Ox Harley pulled out after his doctor said he couldn’t bleed or something to that extent. Finally, “Lowlife” Louie Ramos pulled out after he had to stay home and take care of his family, but that sounds boring, so we’ll say he couldn’t fit onto the bus going to KODM. That’ll do. Heh heh heh.
Now, since deathmatches aren’t like normal matches (and some say they aren’t even wrestling, but we’ll bitch about that later), I review them in a special way, broken into three categories: Psychology, Violence, and Other. I also use a 1-10 scale, since unlike my other fellow ninjas, I can’t count up to 100. Psychology is if the wrestlers actually attempt to tell a story in the ring or just smack each other around until they get tired. Violence is a more subjective category, as it can vary on round, gimmick, and the way the wrestlers use it; it’s possible for a first-round match to be more violent than a second or third round match, and so forth. Other is for stuff I just find amusing, and it’s my review so I can do that. I can do whatever I want. I’m rich bitch.
Night 1 opens up with the usual Ian Rotten gabfest, in front of the largest IWA crowd in recent history of around 300. Don’t laugh, IWA-MS’ shows have barely drawn double-digits before. Ian puts over some shirts, his roster, and mentions the gimmick for the finals, before chewing out some guy in the crowd. Par for the course so far.
Normal Wrestling Match
“New F’N Show” Jerry Lynn vs. “Barbaric Berserker” Jimmy Jacobs
I’m too lazy to do PBP (which is why I usually have Jay do it), so you’re just getting a quick synopsis and thoughts, and you’ll be damn lucky of have that.
This serves as a nice little opening, as Jacobs has the hussin’ gimmick which everyone loves, and if Jerry Lynn can keep RVD’s spotty ass in check, he can keep anyone within the flow of the match. The match has the storyline of the youngin’ trying to defeat the veteran, but the veteran has seen it all and knows how to counter the moves, which comes primarily into play as Lynn gets his knees up on Jacobs’ back senton attempt, and ultimately counters Jacobs’ Contra Code attempt into a Cradle Tombstone for the victory. Don’t take that to mean that Lynn dominates the match, as Jacobs gets in his licks, primarily with a Berserker boot and his forward neckbreaker, where Jacobs lands on his stomach instead of sitting down or landing on his back. Ultimately, it’s about the youngster going for the big moves which the veteran knows how to counter, and the younger and less experienced wrestler suffers and loses accordingly.
Winner: Jerry Lynn
Rating: 6 out of 10, as it served it’s purpose to get a crowd warmed up for wrestling, but when you consider the environment for the event, you’d have to wonder if this was a crowd that even needed to be warmed up.
Normal Wrestling Match
Mickie Knuckles vs. Hailey
Mickie is a trainee of Ian and Chris Hero and has worked for the promotion in various roles, including ref, which she does here later tonight as well. This is her debut match. Hailey is a big motherfucker.
The match itself is fairly forgettable, though Mickie shows less inexperience then you’d think she would for her first live match, but what’s to remember is Mickie getting the living piss knocked out of her with a nasty forearm/elbow shot from Hailey, which might have legit knocked Mickie out. Post match, Hailey goes to powerbomb Mickie through two open chairs, but instead drops Mickie neck-first onto the back of one of the chairs, bringing Ian and Hero out to check on Mickie. She’s alive, don’t worry. And Hailey hasn’t been booked for IWA-MS since.
Like I said, nothing to write home about with the match, other then Mickie nearly dying twice in her debut match. I’m surprised Ian would have her debut on such a big show, in front of a large crowd. FF material, and SMV gives replays of the two big bumps.
Winner: Mickie Knuckles
Rating: 2. (For the bumps. I’m a sick human being, I know.)
KODM Round 1, Match 1
Mad Man Pondo vs. “Spyder” Nate Webb (w/ Becky Bayless)
High Impact Tables Deathmatch
A High Impact Tables match is essentially a tables match, where a person has to be put through a table from an elevated surface.
If there’s a place where a person can get paid to bleed, odds are Mad Man Pondo’s been there. He primarily works Big Japan and was in the first ever (well, first ever correctly done) Circus Deathmatch in the U.S. with JC Bailey. He’s also in the Backyard Wrestling video games, which may or may not be something to be proud of. Eidos could put me in those games and I still wouldn’t play them.
“Spyder” Nate Webb is all kinds of goofy. That’s probably the best way to describe him. Like the aforementioned Bailey, Nate’s also a lightheavy, meaning he’ll fly more than most wrestlers in this tourney. He made it to the finals of the 2002 KODM, losing to the Necro Butcher in a gimmick overload deathmatch. In said tourney, Webb eliminated Pondo after jumping off the side of the IWA Arena, putting Pondo through stacked barbed wire and lighttube tables.
Before the match begins, Nate Webb has the greatest ring entrance in the history of professional wrestling. I’m not exaggerating, you NEED to see what Webb does. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it involves not one but TWO entrance themes, balloons, frantic running, dancing, SMV’s camera, Michael Jackson, karaoke, Jerry Lynn, boobies, teabagging, and Crazy Pipe Guy. It takes about ten minutes and is close to being worth the purchase of the tape set itself.
Once the match starts, it’s essentially about two things: Nate’s dives. Nate goes off the commentary/hard camera stand with a double stomp (about 10-12 feet in the air) to kinda put Pondo through a table early in the match. Some fun with lighttubes and STOP signs occurs, then it’s time for Nate’s second dive, a replica of the dive which eliminated Pondo from KODM last year: Pondo on two stacked tables (this time free of sharp objects) and Webb climbing up to the rafters, about 20-25 feet and diving off. This time, it doesn’t get the win for Webb. Lollipop also drops by on her way to the strip club and attacks Bayless, as the two get to roll around in a glass-covered ring. Fun. The ending comes as Pondo counters Webb’s lighttubesault through a table by getting his knees up, then piledriving Nate off the second rope through the same table with a few tubes on it for good measure.
Winner: Mad Man Pondo
Psychology: The only true moment of psychology for this match was Nate’s second dive, again repeating his dive from 2002, which fails to get the victory in 2003. The Bayless/Lollipop catfight was used as a distraction to give Pondo time to recover and kick out of the dive, as Webb had to go and save Becky from the psycho white bitch. Other then that, not much.
Violence: Nate tapped an artery and had his hand messed up from a Tree of Woe spot involving a bundle of tubes, a week after Webb lost a good chunk of his arm after being powerbombed through a pane of glass by Zandig in TOD2. Some more tube action and Nate’s two crazy dives, as well as the nasty second-rope piledriver, gives this a good score, especially for a first round match.
Other: Nate’s entrance. Fan. Tas. Tic. Do whatever you can to see this.
Overall rating: 6.3
Post match, Nate’s all kinds of messed up (and Homicide could care less) while Pondo just looks like an idiot. So far, so good.
KODM Round 1, Match 2
“Mean” Mitch Page (w/Jim Fannin) vs. Rollin’ Hard
Mitch Page has the dubious honor of being the biggest tub of lard in the tournament. He’s announced as being 300 lbs, but I don’t think he’s been that since the third grade. He’s closer to the 350-400 range, and I’d appreciate it if he’d wear more than just a wifebeater and jean shorts. I mean it.
Rollin’ Hard, the 2000 King of the Deathmatches (why we don’t know…), has the gimmick of the white guy who thinks he’s black, and bills himself as the “Food Stamp Champ” and “the blackest man in the IWA.” Except tonight, since Homicide’s in the building, which means there’s actually the potential for the first incident of black-on-black crime in a long time in IWA. He comes out wearing a shirt which says “Killin’ whitey since back in the day,” which I want ten of. It doesn’t make up for the fact that he sucks, however.
Before the match start, Page grabs a Bible out of the crowd and starts eating pages out of it. That’s so freaking great. I love it. Page and Rollin’ could start humping in the middle of the ring and this match would get at least a 2. Maybe even a 3.
However, they’re stuck with a shitty gimmick. I hate Taipei deathmatches. I hate them, hate them, hate hate hatehatehatehatehate. The idea is that both combatants have glass glued to their taped fists, except that the glass is nowhere near the knuckles. Also, the only thing you can do with the glass is to pretend to punch someone and cut them open. While it can get the blood flowing (re: Ian vs. Axl Rotten in ECW), it’s just about all you can do with the gimmick. Thankfully, just about every match in the tourney is unofficially fans bring the weapons, so Rollin’ and Page are able to just grab shit out of the crowd and smack each other around with it. A toolbox is used, as well as a staple gun (used to attach Bible verses to the rotund head of Page), and the ultimate awe-inspiring weapon, a large jar of pickles. Unfortunately, Page misses Rollin’s head with the pickles and instead smashes it into the ring post, then grabs a pickle off the ground and proceeds to have a mid-match snack. Wonderful.
Rollin’ later produces some rubbing alcohol and lights his bare hand on fire for a flaming karate chop, but ultimately takes a legit shot of mace to his eyes and Turn the Page (Uragane) to send Mitch Page to the second round.
Winner: “Mean” Mitch Page
Psychology: Aaaaaaaaaaaand no. Remember what I said earlier about guys just smacking each other around with stuff? Well, that’s what they did here.
Violence: Decent, especially for a first-round match. As much as the gimmick sucked, they more or less abandoned it after the beginning of the match and just hit each other with stuff. The toolbox, staple gun, a bundle of lighttubes, the mace, and some other fan brought weapons gives this a moderate score.
Other: Rollin’s barehanded flaming karate chop was pretty badass, even if the flame did go out mid-flight. Also, as much as I’ve shat on this match, it wasn’t “that” bad. Sure, two crappy workers saddled with a crappy gimmick isn’t the best of situations, but it’s watchable for the most part. It helps that the two had been feuding for a while before the tourney, including a vicious dog collar match which had blood shooting out of Rollin’s head, and had tagged up before under the name Mean and Hard, so they were at least familiar with each other. Also, this was originally booked to be Page vs. Louie Ramos, which would have been ten different kinds of suck. So, you could do worse then this match. However, there are better matches on the card, for sure.
Other: 5 (For the flaming karate chop and the Bible bashing)
After the match, Grizzly Adams, er, Mitch Page cuts a decent promo about this being his year, after he made it to the finals in 2001 and lost early in 2002. I’ve heard that Page is a smart worker caught in an unathletic body and can really work a good deathmatch, but it didn’t show here.
KODM Round 1, Match 3
Balls Mahoney vs. Horace the Psychopath
Barbed Wire Bat, Barbed Wire Boards Deathmatch
Those familiar with ECW Balls Mahoney might be shocked to see him today. He’s dropped a good 75 pounds and looks to be around the 250-275 lbs range, and is supposed to be even lighter today, so kudos to him. Unfortunately, he still has the same pair of busted ass jean shorts. I guess he doesn’t have money for food or new clothing.
Horace the Psychopath is a guy working a, you guessed it, crazy gimmick. He comes out in hospital scrubs and some white face paint with black around the eyes. However, Horace has been around for over ten years and knows how to work the gimmick into his matches with his mannerisms. He’s also more of a brawler than a deathmatch worker, but impressed Ian in their first round MAW Hardcore Cup 2003 match, especially the headbutt exchanges, which earned Horace his spot here.
The gimmicks are two barbed wire board, a long, thin one and a square-shaped one, as well as a wooden baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Balls also brings out his trusty steel chair as well.
Again, you’ve got a matchup with two wrestlers who specialize in brawling more than deathmatches, per say, so they spend most of the match just beating the crap out of each other with fists than weapons. That’s not to say that they don’t utilize the weapons, as Horace takes the bat to Balls’ arm to get that all good and bloody, as well as Horace missing a standing somersault senton on the outside and landing on the square barbed wire board. Horace has this odd offense which works well with his gimmick, including the aforementioned somersault senton miss, running knee strikes with Balls up against the wall of the arena, and headbutts. Lots and lots of headbutts. Hell, Horace even hears one of the supporting poles of the arena talk smack about his Momma and Horace starts headbutting the pole! Balls throws in his usual sing-along jabs, superkick, and later bounces the small barbed wire board off of Horace’s head.
The ending comes as a table is set up next to the ring, with the longer barbed wire board placed on top. Both men attempt to knock the other off the apron, and Balls even tries to take Horace off the top with a Nutcracker Suite. It doesn’t work, and Horace makes the mistake of using Balls’ own chair against him. Balls is not amused, and ultimately cracks Horace over the head with the chair, finally sending Horace off the apron and through the barbed wire board and table. In theory, as Horace lands on the table and board. Balls improvises and comes off the apron with an elbow to drive Horace through the table and out of the tournament.
Winner: Balls Mahoney
Psychology: They did a good job of teasing the end bump, even though it didn’t go to perfection, and Horace got his gimmick over with the crowd. Good enough for a first round match.
Violence: They used the two boards, the bat, Balls’ chair, a couple tables, and a lighttube. Yes, I mean the singular, Balls put a single lighttube in front of a table which he crashed through. Again, these are brawlers, not deathmatch workers in the normal sense, though Balls’ arm did get pretty messed up.
Other: Mad props to Horace for the support post headbutts. You show that post who’s boss, Horace.
Post match, Axl Rotten shows up to say stuff, and Balls cuts a Cactus-wannabe promo, where he talks about wanting to find some rat to suck blood off his cock. That’s fucking fantastic Balls, let’s move on…
To Horace lying on the ground, screaming at the sky. Horace cuts a good promo, and the screaming works well with the gimmick, but I didn’t buy this tape for the talking.
KODM Round 1, Match 4
2 Tuff Tony vs. JC Bailey
Electrified Lighttubes, Barbed Wire Tables Deathmatch
JC Bailey has the gimmick of the 19/20 year old kid with a death wish. He’s made appearances in the infamous backyard wrestling videos, where he takes lighttube shots, barbed wire bumps, weedwhacker shots, you name it, Bailey has it done to himself. He was the second participant in the Circus Deathmatch from Ultra Styles Clash weekend in Jan. 2003, where the match climaxed with a 20-foot uberplex off the scaffolding into the barbed wire net. Bailey is out of his goddamn mind, plain and simple.
If you want to talk about underrated, underappreciated talents, 2 Tuff Tony comes to mind. He’s yet to win a deathmatch tourney, or even appear in a final I believe, but constantly has a good match. He was on fire in 2001 before breaking his leg, which has caused him to bulk up considerably. He uses a reverse Tombstone called the 2 Tuff Driver (clever, I know) as a finisher and spends way too much time with the ICP, even appearing with them in recent TNA PPVs. Of course, I consider spending any time with the ICP too much, but I regress…
The stipulations for this match are two sets of electrified lighttubes, which are basically lighttubes which are plugged in, and two barbed wire tables, which are big barbed wire boards with folding table legs attached. The tables start inside of the ring propped in the corners, while the tubes are on the outside.
Unlike most deathmatches, this one actually tells a story. Tony is the veteran, the person who’s been here before, and he knows what he has to do to win, he just needs to get the chance to make that final leap. Bailey is new to this whole thing, but while he’s worked deathmatch tournaments before, (Hardcore Cup 2003, lost in first round to Corp, TOD2, lost in first round to Mondo), he needs to get out of the starting gate.
Tony takes the early advantage with his power, trying to muscle Bailey into the barbed wire and keep Bailey on the ground. When Tony tries to whip Bailey into a barbed wire table, Bailey uses his quickness to avoid the barbed wire. Tony takes control again, using his superior power to keep Bailey grounded, where he can’t move around and fly. However, Tony underestimates Bailey’s abilities and resolve when he brings a thumbtack bat into the ring, and Bailey lights Tony up with the bat, as Tony takes his usual thumbtack bat to the head shots. Tony is stunned, allowing Bailey to set one of the tables up on the outside and spear Tony off the apron, through the barbed wire table. Alas, Bailey’s inexperience backfires here, as Bailey’s arm is trapped between Tony’s body and the barbed wire, showing the ill effects of high risk maneuvers.
Undaunted, Bailey’s thinking big again, as he creates a massive steel coffin next to the ring. Tony’s had way too much time to recover and is way too smart and experienced to take another massive bump, so Tony simply counters the charging Bailey and tosses Bailey to the outside, through the chairs. Tony’s underestimated Bailey once, he’s not going to do it again.
Tony hangs Bailey over the ring ropes, stuffs two thumbtack bats in Bailey’s pants, and hits his somersault legdrop off the top rope, driving the two bats into Bailey’s bare back. Tony knows better than to underestimate Bailey at this point, so Tony slides in one of the electrified lighttube sets and drives Bailey stomach-first into the lit lighttubes, doing a good deal of damage and softening Bailey up enough that Tony can hit something big to put Bailey away.
That something big comes as Tony sets the second barbed wire table up next to the ring, brings Bailey out to the apron, and proceeds to hit the 2 Tuff Driver off the apron, through the barbed wire table, driving Bailey head and neck-first through the twisted steel and wood until he hits the concrete. Bailey’s legally dead here, as Tony took advantage of Bailey’s earlier mistake and punished Bailey heavily for it.
However, hubris comes and bites Tony hard on the rear end, as he decides to showboat a little and do even more damage to an already defeated Bailey. Tony sets the last set of electrified lighttubes inside the ring and climbs the turnbuckles with Bailey over his shoulder, planning to hit another 2 Tuff Driver. Showing his fighting spirit and resolve, Bailey has no plans of losing in the opening round again and wiggles free, able to take Tony off the second rope with a sunset flip powerbomb onto the lighttubes. Tony is hurt, stunned enough for Bailey to quickly cover and score the upset win.
Winner: JC Bailey
Psychology: See, this is how you use psychology in a deathmatch. You establish a theme for the match and use the weapons and bumps around that. It’s simple to follow: Tony initially underestimating JC Bailey, Bailey using his quickness and dives to his advantage, Tony adapting and using JC’s strengths, as well as Bailey’s inexperience, to take back the offensive, pounding away on Bailey to set up something big to put Bailey away, hitting that something big but getting cocky and falling prey to Bailey’s quickness again. Or, Tony gets cocky and it costs him another shot at the KODM finale.
Violence: Not much in terms of weaponry, just the gimmicks provided, a boatload of chairs and two thumbtack bats, but all are used smartly, versus just smashing them over someone’s head. Plus, Bailey takes a freakin’ death bump with the 2 Tuff Driver off the apron through the barbed wire table.
Other: IWA’s often criticized for having nothing but smash and smash deathmatches, which they are guilty of, (there’s plenty on this card as well, and I love them too) but this shows that a smart worker can put something together that tells a story, puts someone over, and does more then just damage human bodies. Kudos to all involved.
Normal Wrestling Match
Sonjay Dutt vs. “The Next” Alex Shelley
Sonjay Dutt is everywhere, CZW, ROH, MLW (when it was still around), TNA, So Cal, just about everywhere in the U.S. Alex Shelley should soon be following suit. He just recently turned 21 and his wrestling far surpasses his experience level. In addition, he’s got a nice, wide body which could probably hold up well under ‘roids, meaning that if he bulks up some, McMahon might give him a call.
This match is about two young wrestlers who want to outdo each other. They exchange all kinds of fancy holds early on, before going into strikes and more powerful moves. Sonjay knows that despite his inexperience, Shelley is better on the mat, but Sonjay is stronger in the air, as Sonjay takes flight more often, using a missile dropkick, diving headbutt, and top-rope ‘rana as his big moves. Again, Shelley is the superior mat wrestler and looks to keep Sonjay grounded, showing that the best anti-air defense is a good offense.
Unfortunately, the match falls apart at the end. The two have some miscommunication, especially an ugly tilt-a-whirl DDT. The end comes as Sonjay goes up top for his Phoenix Splash, Shelley moves as Sonjay instead backflips and somewhat lands on his feet, but the miss allows Shelley to hit It Came From Japan (Darkness Driver, like a straightjacket Northern Lights Bomb) for the victory.
Winner: Alex Shelley
After the match, Adam Flash comes out and attacks Shelley along with Sonjay. Jimmy Jacobs, nipple rings and all, rushes out to Shelley’s defense. Jacobs says that if anyone’s gonna beat Shelley’s ass, it’ll be him. Sonjay and Flash swear a lot, Shelley starts a-hussin’ and we’ve got ourselves a match for night two.
Not the greatest match in the world, but it served as a nice break in the bloodshed and carnage, especially with the different styles of the competitors. Unfortunately it fell apart in the end, but I’d like to see these two get another crack at it.
KODM Round 1, Match 5
Corporal Robinson vs. Axl Rotten
Fans Bring Whatever They’ve Stolen This Week Match
Now, a healthy and fully functional Axl Rotten already isn’t the best wrestler in the world, and he’d fully admit it. However, the night before KODM, Axl had to go and get into a bar fight, where he broke his left thumb and his right hand. So, now we have an Axl Rotten who’s partially crippled. Joy, joy joy joy.
Corporal Robinson has arguably the most chopped up forehead in wrestling, and he could probably bust himself open by sneezing or taking a shower. It’s that bad. He also came close to dying in the ring via bloodloss and salt in the bloodstream, but he’s still here, and I’m happy because of that. Corp’s an underrated wrestler and had all kinds of momentum going into the tourney, leading to some (including myself) thinking that Corp would be this year’s winner.
The gimmick is that all of the sadistic sons of bitches in attendance bring weapons to the show, and the wrestlers use them in the match. Of course, by weapons I don’t mean a stick or a chair or some lighttubes, I mean bundles and bundles of tubes, often with tacks glued to them and wrapped in barbed wire and doused in rubbing alcohol to give it that nice little extra sting as the flesh is sliced open. I love it. Of course, it’s gotta suck for the wrestlers, who don’t know what they have to work with until they get out there, and then they’ve got to use enough of the weapons to make the crowd happy but not kill themselves. It’s a vicious catch-22, and really hard to pull off well in a singles match.
Before we start, it’s blabbering time. Word of caution to all of those thinking of attending a live IWA-MS show or buying a VHS: Do not let a Rotten within fifteen feet of a live microphone. They gravitate towards them likes moths to light. And then they talk and talk and talk until you just don’t give a shit anymore, at which point they chew you out for not paying attention and rehash the points they’ve already made. Here, I make liberal usage out of my fast forward button. Corp puts Axl over for wrestling with his busted hands, Axl says he’ll do his best, and Corp jumps Axl after the bell is rung.
They use a few of the fan-brought weapons, and then do the ol’ “grind a weapon into someone’s forehead as they cut themselves open” deal, as Corp uses Axl’s own barbed wire 2x4 and Axl uses a pair of scissors on Corp’s already chewed up forehead. They take a trip around the building before using some of the fan brought weapons on each other, which includes some barbed wire wrapped tubes used on Corp, lighttubes with X-Mas ornaments used on Axl, a whippersnapper bat on Axl (whippersnappers are these little things which pop on contact or something like that, and apparently hurt like a motherhusser), thumbtack bat on Corp, and the most notable weapon, four lighttube stars taped together and wrapped in barbed wire. It’s placed on the apron and Axl’s whipped into it, busting half of the stars and allowing Axl to drag the rest of the creation behind him as barbed wire is still stuck in the back of his shirt.
Corp tosses a couple chairs into the ring and bridges a bundle of tubes between them when Messiah hits the ring. He rips Corp’s shirt off and goes to deliver the Fall From Grace (reverse DVD) through the tubes. Wait, not quite, Messiah can’t get Corp up. Finally, Messiah gives up and uses a belly-to-back suplex through the tubes as Axl finally shows up and rolls back into the ring. He places his hand on Corp’s balls, which counts as a pin, and Axl Rotten wins.
Winner: Axl Rotten
Post match, Axl maintains that he didn’t pin Corp and curses a bunch, and Corp wakes up and does his fair share of cursing. In the backstage interview, the same thing happens again, this time with Hero and Homicide in the background not giving a shit.
Psychology: Hey, just because a man’s got busted-up hands doesn’t mean he can’t punch you in the face, right?
Violence: Some blood and fan-brought weapons, but the match came to a screeching halt just as it seemed to get going.
Other: Barely going five minutes, it seemed like they had 10 minutes planned before the Messiah run-in happened, and we all know Corp can take more then just a belly-to-back through tubes and some other weapon shots. I realize that they could only do so much because of Axl busting his hands up, but Corp deserved better then this. I don’t just mean getting knocked out in round 1, I mean getting knocked out in round 1 in a less than great match.
KODM Round 1, Match 6
“Hardcore” Nick Gage vs. Dysfunction
4 Corners of Pain Deathmatch
Nick Gage has one of them “I am my gimmick” gimmicks, where he acts all intense and occasionally yells out “Who’s the man?” That being said, he’s a decent wrestler if he can have someone familiar to work with (which is why his best matches were with his brother Justice Pain) and he’s got a good chokeslam-backbreaker, which I came up with first in my yardtarding days. I want royalties bitch.
Dysfunction is from the Milwaukee area and is mostly known for getting drunk and losing the IWA-MS Lightheavyweight belt. As punishment, Ian booked Dys in a match with himself and beat the unholy piss out of him. Sucker.
The stipulation is four different gimmicks: a big-ass lighttube waffle, a pit of thumbtacks with a lighttube weapon in there, some mousetraps on the floor, and a barbed wire board.
First off, this isn’t a match, it’s Dys getting murdered again, this time at the hands of Nick Gage. Gage starts off by launching Dys into rows of chairs, then smacking him over the head with a chair. Gage does his Raven tribute inside the ring (drop toe hold onto an open chair), then cracks Dysfunction over the head once more, and these are nasty-ass chair shots as well. And that’s just the beginning. Dys gets dropped into mousetraps (well, kinda, Gage manages to set them all off beforehand, being the intellectual genius he is. I guess simple mechanics are a little too evolved for him.), has lighttubes busted over his head and hand, a broken tube actually DRIVEN into his hand, is stripped shirtless and superplexed onto the waffle, and is absolutely murdered by two Gage running bootscrapes. I’m serious, with all this weaponry, the most vicious and violent things in the match were Gage’s bootscrapes. Even now I shudder thinking about them. They even get their own replay.
Even during this squashing, Dys gets some offense in. He tosses Gage off the top to the outside through the barbed wire board bridged on chairs in his one big moment of the match, and later breaking a tube over Gage’s head before going for a top rope ‘rana. This proves to be Dys’ downfall, as Gage reverses the ‘rana attempt into a superbomb into the thumbtacks, and finishes the slaughter with a brainbuster into the tack pit. Thanks for playing Dys, drive home safely, if you can remember what your car looks like.
Winner: “Hardcore” Nick Gage
Psychology: Well, it’s a squash match, not much psychology involved in getting your ass kicked, though it did serve to introduce Gage to an audience unfamiliar with him for the most part.
Violence: Gage murdered Dys, plain and simple. The superplex through the waffle was disgusting, and I still can’t get over the bootscrapes. Goddamn they were nasty.
Other: Again, bootscrapes. Bootscrapes bootscrapes bootscrapes.
KODM Round 1, Match 7
“Mr. Insanity” Toby Klein vs. Necro Butcher
Hey, The Fans Brought More Weapons Deathmatch
I talked earlier about 2 Tuff Tony being an underappreciated talent, “Mr. Insanity” Toby Klein is one as well, perhaps even more. He’s an athletic worker who can fly around for a guy his size (about 210-220) and take all kinds of carnage. He also works one of them crazy gimmicks, though he doesn’t use it as well in his matches as Horace does his.
The defending King of the Deathmatches, the Necro Butcher, is this great drunken out of his mind son of a bitch. Channeling the look of Bruiser Brody, I don’t think there’s a single bump or weapon shot which Necro won’t take. If you remember our top 10 bumps of 2003 article, which has been conveniently linked here, Necro was on there for getting tossed from the top rope onto the outside, landing on or through nothing. He’s that goddamn crazy.
Well, if you remember the stipulation description from Axl/Corp, it’s the same here, with some more stuff tossed in.
Now, if you’re going to do a deathmatch, I believe there are two basic roads you can go down. One is the idea of using the gimmicks sparingly, teasing the bumps and making them mean something. The other is to absolutely beat the unholy crap out of each other until at least one person can’t stand any longer. This is the latter of those two matches.
From the start, Insanity and Necro establish a sprinting pace. They exchange chops, forearms, and headbutts, which you don’t exchange with Necro. A running headbutt, kinda like a Juggernaut Headcrush, sends Insanity out of the ring, and then the weapon bashing starts. Insanity lights up Necro’s back with single tubes to get the blood flowing. Necro fires back, using the lighttube headbutt which only he does, since no one else is stupid enough to voluntarily headbutt a lighttube. And they’re just getting warmed up.
If it’s glass, they’re using it, as both men take more lighttube punishment, most notably Insanity taking a lighttube board and THROWING it at Necro’s head, shattering the whole thing. Some more tube usage, and then arguably the sickest spot of the tourney: Necro’s on his knees on the outside, while Insanity picks up a VCR inside the ring and THROWS it at Necro’s HEAD, as the corner of the VCR catches Necro on the side of his face. Necro wibbles and wobbles but doesn’t go down, and godDAMN that’s freakin’ unreal.
Necro climbs back into the ring, takes a powerbomb onto a lighttube X, and then locks on the Aestatic Spike (sleeper) and brings Insanity down to the mat. Insanity fights it for a while, then grabs a lighttube and barbed wire board and raises it to crack Necro over the skull, wait, no he’s still got it up, almost there, not quite, and then Insanity drops the board and is choked out of another deathmatch tournament in round 1.
Winner: Necro Butcher
After the match, Necro’s in all kinds of pain in the back. Axl Rotten makes another cameo and pulls a large chunk of glass out of Necro’s arm.
Necro: “That hurt, man.”
Insanity then cuts a short but hilarious promo, which I can’t do justice by describing it here. We then get more damage shots of Necro, including a large hole in his arm from the glass. All this in just five minutes. Damn.
Psychology: Swing and a miss. Though Insanity teasing the board at the end was nice, which gets a single point.
Violence: Like I said, you can either work a smart match, or you can beat the fuck out of each other. Necro and Insanity chose the latter. For a first round match, it was unbelievable. Both guys bled buckets, took nasty weapon shots and went balls-out from beginning to end.
Violence: 10. Especially for a first round match, and Necro’s gotta go in round 2 the next night.
Other: There were two FBTW matches on night 1, and both went around five minutes. The difference between Axl/Corp and Insanity/Necro is the speed in which the match moved. Corp/Axl went slow, like they were building up to stuff, and then abruptly stopped. Insanity/Necro went full throttle and even though the ending was abrupt (Necro’s taken several big shots, then grabs on the Aestatic Spike out of nowhere for the win), you’re left with a feeling of satisfaction, as opposed to Axl/Corp. And as sick as Gage’s bootscrapes were, the VCR shot was even nastier. How Necro stayed up and didn’t crumple to the ground and start whimpering is beyond me. I don’t want to say it’s the best deathmatch of night 1, since that honor goes to Tony/Bailey, but it’s the sickest.
KODM Round 1, Match 8
The Messiah vs. Ian Rotten
East Coast Thumbtack Deathmatch
The Messiah is the current CZW Heavyweight champion and a former XPW champion. He’s the person who had his thumb cut off when two thugs broke into his house, though no one knows who ordered the attack (RobBlackcoughRobBlack). Night 1 of KODM is actually the one year anniversary of the attack.
Ian Rotten is the owner/promoter/booker of IWA Mid-South. He’s competed it some of the sickest deathmatches known to man, and has won more then his fair share of deathmatch tournaments. Of course, it helps when you’re booking some of those tournaments, but that’s not the point here. Ian went to the finals in TOD2 the weekend before (losing to Mondo in the final, in Mondo’s final wrestling match), so he’s banged up here as well.
The stipulation for this match came on account of a bus trip bring the crazy Philly/Jersey marks to Indiana. Now, they weren’t allowed to bring weapons onto the bus, since the bus company apparently wanted to get everyone there alive, for whatever odd reason. So, they instead did a thumbtack drive, and ultimately came up with 177,000+ tacks for a deathmatch. The majority of these lunatics are at the CZW Fans Message Board, where TSM’s own The Dames © is a member. If he remembers that he’s a member there. He might not.
Once again, a Rotten grabs a microphone and blabs some before the match. Ian gives Messiah an XPW shirt, which Messiah teases wearing before wiping his ass with it. This leads to Ian saying “Fuck Rob Black” and then to everyone’s favorite chant of “Fuck Rob Black.” Ian also says “Fuck Zandig” to continue on the IWA/CZW feud which was going on at the time. Ian decides to wrestle without his elbow pads or shirt (oy), as Messiah is doing the same. Messiah says “Fuck XPW” and we’re onto our last tournament match of the night.
The problem with having 177,000+ tacks is that they’re spread out all over the ring, so there’s really no place for a wrestler to safely land. It’s shown as the two rely mostly on grappling and strikes, including Ian showing Messiah how to throw a headbutt, before they finally go into the tacks with Messiah reversing an Ian suplex into one of his own. Messiah then hits a neck snap, which just means he’s jumping into the tacks again. Ian moves to the outside where there aren’t as many tacks around (just some and the broken glass from all of the tubes), which allows him to guillotine Messiah on the middle rope, knocking Messiah back into the tacks. Messiah just can’t win today.
On the outside, the two brawl around for a bit, with Messiah in control as he hits the Holy Roller (somersault senton off the apron), then takes Ian’s boots and socks off, leaving Ian barefoot. For those who don’t know, Ian has participated in barefoot thumbtack deathmatches before, most recently at MAW’s Hardcore Cup 2003. Messiah gets into the ring, meaning that Ian has to first walk across the outside, which has tacks and broken glass strewn across it, to get into the ring with 177,000+ thumbtacks in it. Ian instead decides to go up top, where there are no thumbtacks, but Messiah cuts him off and press slams Ian into the middle of the ring. It gets two, so Messiah decides to go for another one, as he literally carries Ian over to the corner since Ian obviously can’t walk anywhere, but instant karma strikes again as Corp hits the ring and gives Messiah the Boot Camp (Cobra Clutch Russian Legsweep) off the second rope into the tacks, allowing Ian to pin the CZW champ and move on.
Winner: Ian Rotten
Post match, Messiah says that he vs. Corp isn’t about CZW/IWA, it’s about the fun they have in the Michigan feds. Since the two of them are out of the tourney, they might as well wrestle on night 2. Corp says make it for Messiah’s CZW belt, and the two have themselves a brawl before Messiah retreats.
Psychology: Yes and no. They did a good job of leading up to the first bump into the tacks, but Messiah doing a neck snap into the tacks kinda undermines all that. Add in that they were working in a ring full of tacks, with Ian not wearing shoes, and only so much wrestling a person can do.
Violence: The only match of the first round (and the whole tournament, actually) to not involve a single lighttube. And had they not used a barbed wire kendo stick, it would have used no fan weapons either, if we just happen to ignore that all of the tacks were fan brought. Ian bled, to the surprise of no one, but not the most violent match of the night. Thankfully.
Other: Well, you’ve got some booking fun when you consider that Messiah’s A) in the same boat as Horace and Balls in that he’s more of a brawler then a deathmatch wrestler, and B) he’s the CZW champ, so he’s gotta be kept strong. So he gets a gimmick he’s comfortable with (tacks) and goes against someone strong, in that Messiah doesn’t lose credibility, and the run-in helps with that. He also gets to work night 2 with an opponent he’s familiar with. So, the logic of the booking makes sense. As for the match? Decent, but not the greatest match you’ll see.
IWA-MS Heavyweight Championship Match
Homicide (challenger) vs. Chris Hero (champion)
Man, we were doing just fine with this here deathmatch tourney thingy and then Uncle Ian has to go and bring us one of them ***** matches. Originally booked to have been a three-way involving CM Punk, it became just a singles match when drama over Ian, Punk, CZW and he-said she-said drama led to Punk leaving the IWA. So, it became just a singles match between Hero and Homicide, and I don’t think that we’ve suffered horribly because of it. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Homicide’s a former deathmatch worker who decided that bleeding for dollars isn’t always fun and that the regular pain from wrestling is more then enough. He’s quite capable of handling himself inside of the ring, as he can mat wrestle and go strong style with anyone. However, that doesn’t mean that he won’t get hardcore on you, as a No Rope Barbed Wire Deathmatch with Steve Corino in ROH showed, and Homicide’s booked for IWA-MS’ 2004 KODM.
Chris Hero is arguably the best wrestler in the world. The man has a tape collection second to none and tries to blend just about every wrestling style there is into his arsenal. British mat wrestling, strong style, lucha libre style, Tourymon, brawling, technical wrestling, he can do it all. He even participated in the 2001 KODM, losing in the first round to Corp. Hero spent most of the first half of 2004 in Europe, and is working a smart mark gimmick in the East coast feds he works in, such as CZW, H2, and MLW when they were still around. He also worked a 93:13 2 out of 3 falls match with CM Punk in early 2003, which I highly recommend. It’s off the show When Hero Met Punk, and even though it’s essentially a one-match card, it’s a whopper of a match. And I’d be doing an injustice to Hero if I didn’t mention how he’s taken the cravate (3/4 chancery) a normal hold, and turned it into something lethal, with a Cravate-suplex and a finisher around the cravate called the Hangman’s Clutch, of which Hero has a half-dozen varieties of. STF Hangman’s Clutch, Crossface Hangman’s Clutch, standing Hangman’s Clutch, just about anyway Hero can get the Clutch on someone.
Now, you’ve got two wrestlers who have reputations as being solid to excellent on the mat, as well as very capable of being able to throw a forearm shot or two. So, it’s interesting to see who’s going to get the advantage in a particular aspect.
The two start off with some mat wrestling, primarily jockeying for position, not really going for anything in the opening minutes. However, Hero is able to stay one step ahead of Homicide, primarily with some of the British mat work which he’s picked up, and is able to hit a rolling knee snap to establish his dominance on the mat. Homicide bails to check on his leg and to formulate a new game plan. Homicide can hold his own on the mat, but Hero’s better and Homicide will lose if he tries to just mat wrestle with Hero.
So, once Homicide gets back into the match, he decides it’s time to test out the strikes.
Homicide starts off with chops in the corner, which Hero returns, and it evolves into forearm exchanges in the middle of the ring, into armdrag exchanges. Homicide can’t get an advantage here either, so he cheats and gets an eyepoke to finally take control of this match. As it progresses, Homicide shows that he’s got an edge on Hero in terms of strikes, as he pounds Hero with forearms, boots, Yakuzas, and headbutts, which softens Hero up for bigger spots, such as a double stop off the top, the running kneescrape in the corner, and his somersault tope con hilo through the ropes. Homicide also stays away from the mat, which would be giving Hero the edge back, and stays away from Hero’s cravate, though he does go for his own Figure 4 STF, which Hero escapes too easily. I don’t like how Homicide tossed that in, as it really didn’t make sense in the context of the match.
This isn’t to say that Hero gets his ass beat by Homicide, as Hero fires back constantly with his own forearms and kicks. However, as Hero has the edge on the mat, Homicide has the edge in strikes, and the match stays predominantly strikes after the opening sequence. Homicide finally goes for the kill and hits the Cop Killer (vertebreaker), but Hero gets out of the ring, which is good for him as he’s actually knocked out from the move. The match takes a surreal turn, as it’s moved from hard hitting action to waiting for Chris Hero to take up. Homicide dumps a bottle of water on Hero’s face and rolls him into the ring, where he only gets two.
The match moves towards the finish, as Homicide goes for a second Cop Killer and has it countered into a Hero’s Welcome (Last Rites/Roll the Dice/Spin Doctor/whatever else anyone has called it) in theory, as Homicide botches the spin, busting Hero’s nose open as they butt heads on the landing. Hero’s able to hit a second one and lock on the Hangman’s Clutch (STF with a cravate variation) and despite Homicide making it to the ropes, drags him back into the middle of the ring for the tap out victory.
Winner: Chris Hero
Post match, Danny Daniels, who had been suspended from IWA-MS for basically being a cock, enters the ring and attacks Hero, piledriving Hero onto the championship belt. When Homicide interjects himself, BJ Whitmer (wearing an ROH shirt, which must have made Ian all kinds of happy) runs in and attacks Homicide. The locker room empties out to save Hero and Homicide, and sets up Homicide/Whitmer for night 2, as well as Hero/Daniels in a Texas Death Match for the belt on night 2. Hero does a great job acting here, as he’s all kinds of pissed at Daniels and threatens to quit the promotion if he can’t fight Daniels. The crowd chants “Great fucking show” to end night 1, and I’d have to say I agree.
As great as this match was, there were some flaws to it which prevent me from giving it a perfect score. First, they botched a couple spots (the first Hero’s Welcome, and Hero didn’t quite get out of the way of a Homicide diving headbutt, so Homicide essentially headbutted Hero’s ass), and the psychology didn’t always match what they had established. I would have liked to have seen Hero take the match back down to the mat during some point, instead of always trying to exchange strikes with Homicide, and I don’t get the idea of Homicide breaking out his Figure 4 STF in the middle of the match for whatever reason.
However, both men stayed true of attacking the opponent’s head/neck area to soften them up for their finishers (Cop Killer and Hero’s Welcome/Hangman’s Clutch), as well as showing just how they can take and dish out strikes. Some flaws keep this from getting a perfect score, but I’d still recommend this to any wrestling fan, and it’s a reason for non-blood marks (for people not named myself) to pick up this tape.
Well, that does it for night 1 of KODM. What’s in store for night 2?
-Danny Daniels (challenger) vs. Chris Hero (champion): IWA-MS Heavyweight Title Match, Texas Deathmatch Rules
-BJ Whitmer vs. Homicide
-Corporal Robinson (challenger) vs. The Messiah (champion): CZW Heavyweight Title Match
-“Barbaric Berserker” Jimmy Jacobs & “The Next” Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt & Adam Flash
-Jim Fannin vs. Bull Pain
-Colt Cabana vs. Nigel McGuiness
And the quarterfinals, semifinals and finals of the KODM tournament with:
-Mad Man Pondo
-“Mean” Mitch Page
-“Hardcore” Nick Gage
Again, you can pick up this and many, many other IWA-MS shows at Smart Mark Video, and from looking at reactions from shows in the first half of this year, IWA-MS is on a complete tear and might be the best wrestling federation in the U.S. at this current junction.
Whoa whoa whoa! How can you possibly do an article without the STAR of the Paradise City Ninjas, Jay Doring?
So she's NOT pregnant?
Ortho Tri Cyclen is a wonderful thing. Anyway, as the PCN continue to hype you up for deathmatch season, we move from a great show to one that’s uh, not as good.
Just prior to the CZW show I reviewed eons ago, Truth or Consequences, Zandig extended an open invitation to any deathmatch worker in the United States to compete for the final 4 slots in the second Tournament of Death. When Ian Rotten emphatically responded “now you’ve got the best the world has to offer” all over the upside of Zandig’s head, the CZW vs. IWA Mid-South hardcore war was set to fully kick into gear at a show titled “The Extreme 8.”
Taped June 28th, 2003 from RACKS’ Bar and Billiards in Dover, Delware, your hosts are Eric Gargiulo and John House.
Zandig opens up the show, quickly kills chants for the “retired” Wifebeater and thanks the fans for supporting the Summer Bloody Summer tour. Thanks to Zandig’s crappy math skills, more than 8 guys will be competing in the challenge. Here come the potshots against Ian Rotten, which brings out his crew through the crowd. The bunch of losers that ended up in the E8 (and Necro and Toby Klein) surround Zandig, as a small but vocal section of the crowd chant for the IWA. Zandig asks Ian where the fourth guy is, and after taking some shots at the Butcher and Klein, Ian announces that he’s brought a guy, “who fears no height, who fears no bump in this business- I BROUGHT ‘THE SPYDER’ NATE WEBB~!” Nate comes out to a sizable pop, but Zandig incredulously states that “he looks like your little sister to me!” “Well, maybe you’ll give a fuck about my big brother!” AXL ROTTEN arrives to a big pop, and now the IWA have five men on their side. More threats are exchanged, and after Axl cuts a short promo, it’s time for the opening contest.
The Backseat Boyz © vs. Ruckus and Sonjay Dutt –CZW Tag Team Championship match
The Backseats had just successfully retained the belts against the Briscoe Brothers in their first title defense since winning the belts in February, and laid out an open challenge for this show. Ruckus and Sonjay Dutt, who had previously been feuding for months over the junior heavyweight title, decided to team up and take the challenge. Ruckus and Sonjay were actually at an IWA:MS show the previous night, defeating Simon Sezz and JC Bailey.
The Backseats showboat at the beginning, but quickly pay for it as the challengers set them up for every “accidental homosexuality” spot in the wrestling playbook. The champs take off, but ref Brian Logan threatens to award the titles to Ruckus and Sonjay if they don’t get back in the ring. Kashmere gets a spear and quickly segues into a figure-four for a two count- broken up by Sonjay with a flying elbow. Roaring elbow by Acid reverses the momentum, and a second-rope moonsault gets two. Bee-boppin’ elbow and a double dropkick keeps the champs on the offensive. False tag, but Acid blows catching Ruckus on a quebrada, and Ruckus hits the Afterburner (handspring dropkick) to get to the hot tag. Sonjay takes both guys down with dropkicks, and the BSB double clothesline each other- REVERSE RANA BY SONJAY! Double roundhouses by the faces puts the BSB in a 69 (wrestling-homoerotic? Nah.) Sonjay gets the Bombay Splash and Ruckus gets a twisting moonsault –BUT DEWEY DONOVAN BREAKS UP THE SURE WIN! Ruckus chases Dewey while the champs clip Sonjay on the top rope –SUPER T-GIMMICK~! Champs retain.
Very nice opener, with some fun comedy spots, a nice false finish and a killer ending. They obviously weren’t going for anything classic (Acid had bigger fish to fry at ROH later in the afternoon) but for the opening match to a show that will have very little straight wrestling, this is the best you could hope for, with only a blown spot messing it up. Sadly, this was the best wrestling of the entire day.
Winners: The Backseat Boyz
Jon Dahmer vs. Chris Cash vs. GQ vs. Z-Barr
There was no real reason for this match- basically just straight wrestling filler before the gore. Cash and GQ though, are continuing their issue from Truth or Consequences, where GQ picked up a cheap victory with brass knuckles on Cash. Barr had also turned face at the previous show after being kicked out of Rebel’s Army.
Dahmer and Barr start with some basic matwork, ending with a dropkick by Dahmer. GQ tags in and nails a quick suplex. Russina legsweep into the corner, and GQ clocks Barr with the Double Figures (slingshot dropkick/dropkick sequence). Belly-to-belly suplex and a powerslam turn the tide for Barr, and they both tag out to Dahmer and Cash. Cash flips out of a German and tags back to Barr. Clothesline-o-rama, and the Donkey Punch CONNECTS~! For two. Dahmer nails a Gordbuster for a nearfall. Big spinebuster gets a second nearfall as Cash and GQ chase each other around the ring. SICK Pain Thriller kills Cash, but Dahmer hits the MOVE OF 1,000 MANIACS~! GQ blows his own finisher badly abnd settles for a DDT, and goes to the top. CUT OFF BY CHRIS CASH WITH A SECOND-ROPE CUTTHROAT SUPLEX~! GQ is easy prey for the pinfall after that shit.
Again, this was meant to be decent filler, and that’s basically what it is. Nothing really meant anything, and GQ blowing his finisher hurt this one badly. There was supposed to be a rubber match between Cash and GQ at the next Arena show, but negative reactions to GQ’s ringwork aborted the program. Again, a shame, because GQ is a natural heel and a great athlete, but for some reason can’t put it all together and become a true, complete singles wrestler.
Winner: Chris Cash
The Broad Street Boozers (Adam Flash and Ian Knoxx) vs. Niles Young and Jude
Again, no reason to this match. One’s a face tag team, one’s a heel tag team, PRESTO! More filler. I only remember watching this match once since getting the tape, which is not something good.
Knoxx easily overpowers Young with a fallaway slam, and both guys tag out. Jude hammers away on Flash, and a slower-than-normal whip sequence ends in a Flash clothesline. Knoxx and Flash blow a double spinebuster, and Knoxx tries to cover the spot with a front suplex. Criss-cross neckbreaker gets a two count for the Boozers, and Knoxx powerslams Jude for a second nearfall. Lariat takes down Jude again, but heel chicanery brings the advantage to the Academy students. Nebraskan tumbleweed by Jude, and Knoxx blows the receiving end of a facebuster. Quebrada by Young, and Jude blows his quebrada attempt. Notice how many times I’ve said “blows” already. Flash gets the tag after a double Off Switch (chokeslam off the ropes) and lights up Jude with chops. Running Ligerbomb by Flash, Piledriver by Flash, Pumphandle Slam by Jude, and the Boozers get a double pin.
UGH. So long, so many blown spots, and so dull. All four guys looked like shit here, especially Knoxx (who’s usually a solid power wrestler) and Flash, who quickly spiraled from one of the most versatile wrestlers in CZW to one of the laziest. The students looked bad, but they’ve improved quite a bit from this match (check out GQ vs. Dahmer vs. Jude from Overdrive and Young’s recent tag work with Cory Kastle, and you’ll see a noticeable difference.) However, I can’t overstate that this sucked quite mightily.
Yay! Violence time!
Corporal Robinson vs. Deranged –Barbed Wire Boards/Tables Deathmatch
This Deranged isn’t the flippy pothead from New York most people know of. The other Deranged is a fat Milwaukee-based hardcore wrestler who famously puked during the 2001 IWA-Mid South King of the Deathmatch tournament.
Awesomely funny spot to start as Deranged charges at Corp and immediately eats a face full of barbed wire board courtesy of a Corp drop toehold. They head to the outside already, and Deranged gets sent into the guardrail. Corp gets sloppily backdropped over the rails, and Deranged makes him pay with a chair-assisted Cactus Elbow off the apron. Corp comes back and rakes him with some barbed wire, but takes a suplex on the asphalt. Deranged whips Corp with some barbed wire, but Corp fucks him up with his trademark clubbing forearms. Awesome superkick by Corp keeps Deranged on the defensive, and Robinson brings out the barbed wire table. Chair-assisted legdrop off the apron by Corp, and he brings Deranged back into the ring. Deranged hits a desperation suplex into the barbed wire board, but like an idiot goes to the top and gets powerbombed. Back to the outside, Deranged rams Corp’s face into the table, and stupidly goes to the ropes, where Corp nails the Boot Camp (cobra clutch Russian legsweep) through the barbed wire table, for the win. Postmatch, Corp nails THE CATCHPHRASE~! “Fear what you don’t understand, and hate what you can’t conquer…BITCH~!”
Violence-wise, this wasn’t all that hot, mostly chairplay and a couple of good barbed wire bumps, and Deranged doesn’t give much me much hope for him in this year’s KOTDM, as he’s well, a slug- think of Supreme with EVEN LESS talent. Corp though, is SO much better than this match, a guy who’s had some great deathmatches with guys like Mitch Page and Necro Butcher, and engrossing technical matches with Ian Rotten. The guy is stiff as hell too, and has had tons of fun brawls with Balls Mahoney. Heck, he’s so well rounded, he should be in next year’s TPI! I think that’s the PCN’s new mission- get Corporal Robinson in the Ted Petty!
Winner: Corporal Robinson
Van Hughes vs. Bishop Slade vs. Necro Butcher vs. Axl Rotten vs. “Spyder” Nate Webb –Fans Bring the Weapons Gauntlet Deathmatch
Standard gauntlet match rules- one guy gets pinned, the next guy comes out, last man standing wins. Bishop Slade is what Abdullash the Butcher and Kamala’s child would look like If They Mated (tm Conan O’Brien.) Van Hughes is some loser who sent his tape to Zandig. Necro, who left IWA on unfriendly circumstances earlier in the year, is on Zandig’s side for this show.
Slade immediately murders Hughes with a light tube-assisted elbow drop. Hughes gets some weak punches in and a tube shot to drop Slade. Stop sign shot gets a two count, but Slade no-sells a thumbtack bat, and a light tube splash kills Hughes dead.
1, 2, NECRO TIME~! The Butcher goes to town on Slade, but eats a clothesline. Tubes don’t break on an elbow attempt, so a NASTY tube splash destroys Necro. Butcher takes a bodyslam through a table, and bumps into the crowd. Stiff chairshot to the head on Necro, and back in they go. EEEWWW, Necro’s shirt comes off, and another light tube elbow gets 2.5 on him. More chairshots don’t faze Necro, and Necro kicks another attempt in Slade’s face. Necro finally drops Slade with multiple chairshots, and gets a three count.
Axl Rotten out next, and hammers on Necro on the outside. Axl grabs some scissors-oh shit another Rotten with scissors-and slices Necro's forehead up. Necro outbrawls Axl, and grabs tubes. Light tubes to the back, and Necro grabs some tube shards and CUTS NECRO’S TONGUE WITH THEM! Blood spatters on the camera a bit, and Necro gets dropped with a stop sign. Axl splashes Necro in the corner with a Barbed Wire Chair , but NOBODY HOME, and Necro DROPS THE LEG, BROTHER for ANOTHER win!
HERE COMES MY HERO! Nate gets a swinging neckbreaker and head to the top…LIGHT TUBE CHAIRSAULT~! AWESOME! Cover-NO! Nate nails Necro in the chest with the thumbtack bats. He’s got a computer monitor- MONITOR SHOT TO THE HEAD! Nate’s got a thumbtack rubber chicken and hits Necro with it, but it only pisses the Butcher off, and he dumps Nate to the outside. Mini-guitar to Nate’s head, and Necro wins a punch-fest on the outside. CZW staff bring in a coffee table- it’s got all sorts of shit on it- POWERBOMB THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE! NECRO WINS! Post-match, Zandig shows up and offers Necro a CZW shirt, and Necro accepts.
This match definitely did what it set out to do- establish the Necro Butcher as a fucking terminator. He took a disgusting amount of punishment and kept on ticking. This definitely delivered the violence quotient promised for this show, and the sequence between Nate and Necro delivered the “holy shit” moments you expect from CZW hardcore shows. If they had kept the stiffs out of the match and done a straight-up Necro/Nate match, this would have been way better though, as the beginning portions really dragged. I must state it again though- I wish Nate was my older brother, and hanging out with him would be like, the coolest thing ever. Nate, be my friend!
Winner: Necro Butcher
JC Bailey vs. “Mr. Insanity” Toby Klein –“Unlucky 13” Staple Gun Deathmatch
The rules for this one are pretty unique- the first man to staple 13 $1 bills to their opponent wins.
Bailey brings out a light-tube Star of David to the ring, but thankfully I don’t think he’s actually a member of the tribe. Both men charge for the staple gun, but Klein has a couple of his own, and staples Bailey in the chest. Sunset flip try by Bailey is blocked with a staple to the head. Klein brings the highspottage with a springboard back elbow, and gets his second dollar bill to Bailey. Both guys exchange forearms, and Bailey clotheslines Klein out of the ring. Bailey nails Klein IN THE CROTCH with a light tube . Chairshot by Bailey, and he sets up a steel chair coffin on the outside. Bailey lays his tube star, but Klein cuts him off with chops. Klein staples a bill to Bailey’s nipple, but Bailey is undeterred. Mafia kick by Bailey is evaded, but Bailey connects with hard shot to get on offense. Bailey gets three dollar bills, now five, now six. Bailey tries a Flair flip off a whip, but takes a chair to the back, and goes CRASHING into the tube-covered chairs! DOLLAR BILL TO THE CHEEK! Back to the outside, Bailey sends Klein into the rails. Drop toehold drapes Bailey over the middle rope, but instead of the 619, it’s the DOLLAR BILL STAPLED TO THE TONGUE! FUCKING SICK! Bailey though, is back on the offensive, and staples about six more bills to Klein. Klein staples his ninth to Bailey and head to the top. However, Bailey nails Klein with a tiny-assed light tube, staples his 13th to Klein, and finishes the match with a flourish with a frankensteiner.
This stipulation really isn’t conducive to a good match, and I imagine was created so Bailey could do his “dollar bill on the tongue” spot. To their credit, Klein and Bailey did do some actual decent wrestling, but the stipulations totally wrecked the normal flow of a wrestling match- without such a limiting stip these two would have brought the house down. However, a couple awkward, delayed spots also hurt the rating.
Winner: JC Bailey
Ian Rotten vs. Lowlife Louie Ramos – Barbed Wire/Thumbtack Bat Deathmatch
Lowlife Louie, who will be competing in this year’s IWA KOTDM, is a Homicide trainee and made his name doing hardcore matches in JAPW. However, Louie is also um, not that fun to watch for me, and since I’ve never really enjoyed Ian’s deathmatches (I prefer his more matwork-based stuff) I’m gonna take a writer’s mulligan on this one. After offering Louie to get out of town via forfeit (since Louie’s “the biggest Ian Rotten mark in the history of the business”) Ian wails on him with the bats and pins him with a double-arm DDT. Then Ian cuts a long-ass promo about how he invented hardcore, or whatever. Like JC said, Ian never found a microphone he didn’t like.
Winner; Ian Rotten
John Zandig and Nick Gage vs. Nate Hatred and the Messiah- Barbed Wire Ropes/Barbed Wire Boards Deathmatch
Nate Hatred joined the Hi-V at the last show. Zandig and Gage don’t like the Hi-V. The winners of the match get spots in the Tournament of Death. You can tell I’m REALLY half-assing this review at this point. If you want a fun trivia note, Zandig and Gage are former Big Japan tag team champions, and they teamed together on a Zero-One tour months ago.
Messiah and Hatred jumpstart the match, and Hatred breaks a tube over Zandig’s back. However, Zandig retaliates by bouncing a chair off of Hatred’s head. Now Gage and Messiah tie up, and Zandig takes advantage by wrapping him up from behind in barbed wire. Messiah escapes, rains punches on Gage, and caps it off with a leg lariat. Suplex by the Messiah, Gage comes back and charges but catches a neckbreaker for two. The H8 Club square off now, and Gage gets stun-gunned on the barbed wire ropes. Belly-to-belly, followed up by a Northern lights by Hatred for 2.5. Gage escapes a German, gets a neckbreaker. and cuts off the Decapitator lariat, but gets caught with another suplex. Messiah tags in and gets an Exploder and Michinoku Driver. Gage hulks up, caught in the Godsmack-NO! Dragon Sleeper! Hatred breaks! DDT by Gage cues the tag to Zandig. Zandig charges in- BELLY TO BELLY THROUGH THE BARBED WIRE BOARD! It’s broken down now, with Messiah wailing away on Zandig with a thumbtack bat, but it doesn’t last, ‘cause there’s a Spiral Bomb by Zandig! IWA RUN IN TIME! They beat on Zandig, but here comes Necro to save, and if you don’t see what’s coming, XPW is too intellectual for you. Bam, heel turn, and they drag Zandig to the back. However, Gage does just fine on his own, taking out Messiah with a brainbuster and a frog splash for his second clean win on the CZW champ. However, that didn’t mean squat, since Gage never got a title win over the Messiah, as Zandig decided to switch the title “internationally” again and put the belt on himself in Italy.
This match isn’t really a bad little tag match- however it’s a shitty DEATHMATCH, as virtually none of the gimmick in the match got used whatsoever. I mean, you've got a vampire fanbase crying for blood the entire year, and you DON'T USE HALF THE SHIT IN THE MAIN EVENT?! The Necro heel turn was also a really stupid idea, since CZW’s deathmatch roster was depleted and they needed a face to fight the IWA guys. Also, Necro is pretty much impossible to hate –he’s just so darn lovable, so his turn went over like “Swept Away.” The end result of this match was the IWA guys fighting each other in Arena matches that everybody hated and destroyed the point of the feud. Anyway, in summation the lack of gimmicks made this mondo disappointing, or in other words, fucking suck.
Winners; Nick Gage and Zandig
Backstage, Ian and Axl say that once you’re IWA, you’re IWA for life, and that at the next show, Zandig will taste the agony of defeat, and that they’re coming with numbers.
Final Thoughts: Despite what some geekier “purists” on the ‘Net scene may say, a good deathmatch can be just as artful and enthralling as a “strong style” technical classic or a breathtaking aerial display. Despite the fact that my general tastes run more toward highspot wrestling, my favorite indy match of all time is a deathmatch (Messiah vs. Nick Mondo from EPIC). However, deathmatches are usually done badly, and this is tape is mostly bad deathmatch wrestling, of the slow-paced, scattershot “let’s just whack each other with shit” variety. The only worthwhile match on this tape is the gauntlet match just for the insane violence, and you can probably easily pick that up on some trader’s comp tape somewhere. The lack of a breakout straight wrestling match also hurts this tape’s appeal. Nothing in fact was really worked all that great on this show, and the main eventers didn’t display a whole lot of effort here. The biggest mistake made in the Extreme 8 were the mismatches, as the talented guys were stuck with slugs or were given stips you couldn't possibly have a good match with. Unless you’re a CZW completist, don’t waste your money.
Overall recommendation: Avoid this sucker.
JC and I will be back sometime in the middle of next week (hopefully) with the second part of our deathmatch feature, a review of Night 2 as well as CZW's "Respect" event. In the meantime, the shows featured here, along with all other CZW and IWA tapes and DVDs, are available at Smart Mark Video.
The IWA Mid South King of the Deathmatch tournament returns for the final time June 26th and 27th, featuring:
1. Mad Man Pondo (2003 winner)
2. The Necro Butcher (2002 winner)
4. Ryan Boz
5. "The Notorious 187" Homicide
6. "Low Life" Louie Ramos
8. "Hollywood" Chuck Hogan
10. JC Bailey
11. Smokey C
12. Corporal Robinson
13. 2 Tuff Tony
15. "Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein
Also on the show, CM Punk will take on NWA Wildside star Ray Gordy. For more information visit IWA's Official Site.
J.C. lives in his cave on the isle of Samoa with his buddy Chuckles the Silly Piggy, so any feedback you have for him can be forwarded to Jay.
JC: Dude, I fried Chuckles on my grill last week.
For those of you who want to tell me what you thought of this review (odds of me paying attention: slim to none), hit me up at this address, though I’d recommend removing the spam-stopping X’s first. I’m notoriously lazy when it comes to feedback, so don’t be discouraged if you get nothing back for a while, or at all. Or just call me an asshole, you’re probably right.