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TNA
The Royal Treatment: RAW (8.23.04)
Posted by Peter Kostka on Aug 24, 2004, 00:50
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Mailbag
First up, Jakefabe writes in with an observation:
During the Orton/Benoit (my god) match last night, JR referred to Orton as the Champion of the WWE's Flagship show. Now who needs more proof that the WWE feels that Smackdown! is the inferior show? Boy, if I was a Smackdown superstar, I'd be pissed.
Well, I think since RAW has been on since the early 90s, and was the WWF/E�s only prime time show for a good stretch of time, I�d say what JR said was fairly accurate. Like it or not, SD has always been viewed as the inferior show in WWE�s eyes.
Next, Bobby from C-Town has some questions about last week:
I am curious about a few things and raw leaves us with more questions than answers. Kane may get his wedding Interrupted but it won't be by Shawn Michaels since they announced on Raw he won't be returning until Unforgiven. If They want to continue the Jericho vs. Edge storyline why have Jericho put Edge over clean at Summerslam? Why no Eugene tonight? He did an Ok job against Triple H at Summerslam. Unless the Triple H vs. Eugene match was a blowoff match why have them Kick Orton out of Evolution? Trips was out of title contention with all the losses to Benoit anyway. Orton's face turn now leads to who gets the title shot against Him at unforgiven. It won't be Trips since his feud with Eugene will likely continue. Batista vs. Orton appears the likely bet at this point. Also The Contest is rigged I think people realize that so why not just make Carmella the winner now? Guess that's why some refer to wrestling as a male soap opera.
Well, all I can say is stay tuned. Let�s see what happens this week.
Live from Anaheim, California.
Tonight: Edge defends the IC title against Y2J, and wedding bells are ringing for Kane and Lita.
But first up, here�s Da Coach and the Diva wannabes, and rule #242b of reality shows is invoked (the black person NEVER wins) as Tracy goes bye-bye. Their challenge this week: take two�.no; make it five minutes to tell Coach how great he is. But before he can The Rock makes a surprise (and pointless, let�s face it) appearance. Boos are clearly heard for Rock, by the way. He picks on Coach again and gives him 5 seconds to leave, which Coach does in 4. Rock jokes around with the wannabes and Lilian Garcia (�Lilian got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.� *cue laugh track*). He singles out Carmella (who seems to have the charisma of a lamp post), pointing out how the girls hate her, but people hated Rock too when he started out, so she just has to work through it. He wasn�t entertained by the ice cream eating game a few weeks ago and would rather see them have a pie eating contest. Tajiri supplies the pies (his favorite? �Pootan�). The girls do their thing for 20 seconds each (Joy challenges Carmella to a match, by the way), including Carmella spreading the pie on herself for some reason, and just wastes time until Coach comes back out with La Resistance. Rock and Tajiri clear the ring of tits and pie before the heels sprint to the ring. They beat down the faces and Coach gets a slap in on Rock, but Rhyno runs in for the save and chases out the tag champs, leaving Coach alone in the ring. He pumps himself up and challenges Rock to go 1-on-1, and that goes about as well as you thought it would (read: not very for Coach) and a People�s Elbow after, the segment mercifully ends.
Thoughts: Even Rock (whose �special appearances� are starting to get on my nerves) couldn�t escape the black hole of suck that is the Diva Search. Tajiri, Rhyno, and La Resistance were just thrown into the mix to remind people that, yes, they are still feuding, and isn�t it about time that Coach just snaps and beats Rock�s head in with a pipe? I want those 25 minutes of my life back, please.
- Kane arrives at the arena with a garment bag slung over his shoulder, whistling the Wedding March to himself.
- HHH, Ric WHOO Flair and Batista have a pow-wow in the locker room. Apparently HHH told Batista to give an ultimatum to Randy Orton for tonight. Orton isn�t in charge of his destiny anymore, Evolution is.
- Lita sulks in her dressing room until Kane barges in. He knows its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but he knows nothing will ruin this day. He�s changed his mind about something; he wants Lita to wear white tonight and gives her a dress. He notices she isn�t very jolly and tells her to buck up, since �it�s a nice day for a white wedding.�
Coming up later: William Regal (w/Eugene) faces Ric Flair (w/Batista)
Chris Jericho vs. Edge � (IC title match)
These guys had an ok-ish match two weeks ago, and Edge didn�t save Jericho from a beating last week, so let�s keep this ball rolling.
Jericho works the arm to start, but Edge slugs him down. He gets a whip, but Jericho hangs onto the ropes and pulls the top one down on an Edge charge, sending him to the floor and following up with a springboard dropkick as Edge reaches the apron. And��we take a break after two minutes of heartstopping action.
Edge has Jericho in a chinlock (which seems to be the case EVERY TIME we come back from a break) and Jericho fights out, scoring with a heelkick. They go back and forth a bit and Jericho slides under a boot, going up and scoring with a flying reverse elbow for 2 and a hurricanrana for another 2. He hops onto the corner off a whip and leaps, but Edge meets him with a boot to the gut and DDT, getting a two count. He preps the spear, but Jericho sidesteps, forcing Edge to slow up so he doesn�t hit the ref, which allows Jericho to try the Walls, but Edge rolls him up for the pin. Ah, BUT WAIT! Jericho�s foot was on the rope, so the ref waves the fall off and goes to retrieve Edge, who is halfway up the ramp. Edge protests as we take another break.
Jericho hits a suplex for two as we come back live, and works Edge over in the corner with his boot. He whips and goes for a dropkick, but Edge puts on the brakes. Unfazed, Jericho nails a running enziguri and bulldog before going for the Lionsault, but Edge moves and Jericho lands on his feet, taking Edge down for a two count. Edge gets the Edge-o-Matic for 2 and backdrops Jericho onto the apron, spearing him onto the barrier. He rolls Jericho back in and goes to the top, hitting a crossbody, but Jericho rolls through it and gets two. He goes for the bulldog, but Edge pushes him off and tries a boot, but Jericho ducks it and gets the Walls, but Edge makes the ropes. Edge picks Jericho up off a whip and crotches him on the top rope before prepping the spear again�..and the ref calls for the bell at 15:51? He�s disqualifying Edge? What the hell? Because he dropped him on the rope? Edge hits the spear anyway and grabs his belt, taunting Jericho as he walks up the ramp.
Rating: 3/10
Thoughts: They never got this one going and the pace-killing commercials, coupled with a Dusty Finish just made things worse. If the ref DQed Edge since he thought Edge deliberately crotched Jericho on the rope, why didn�t he do it when he speared Jericho off the apron? That seemed a hell of a lot more deliberate than anything else. Edge is starting to get his heel mojo working, but I just don�t get the feeling that these guys hate each other just yet.
Evolution head to the ring (to HHH�s music) and HHH grabs the mic. He doesn�t believe in destiny, that things in life are predetermined. Life is a series of choices and their consequences. Orton chose to stand with Evolution and follow in HHH�s footsteps, so he became the star that his father and grandfather never were. However, Orton chose to beat Benoit for the title, HHH�s title, instead of softening him up for HHH. The beating he took last week was just a sample of the consequences Orton will face for making that choice. Tonight, Orton has to make another choice: come out and give HHH the World Title while laying down for him and they will forget Orton even exists, or he will cease to exist, period. Orton comes out (to Evolution�s theme), looking dejected and unsure. HHH orders Flair and Batista to the outside and calls out a ref to make it nice and official. He demands the belt and Orton hesitates, finally nodding his head in acceptance and holding it out to HHH. HHH goes to take it, but Orton does not release his grip, spitting in HHH�s face, drawing a �Randy� chant from the crowd. He laughs, but HHH does not see the humor and charges, and Orton pastes him with the belt before beating a path into the crowd and holding the belt high, saying �It�s MINE!�
Thoughts: Another great segment that got right to the point. Randy spitting in HHH�s face was the perfect way to go, given Orton�s track record, and showed that Randy does not fear HHH, or at least is putting up a good show of bravado towards him. I also liked HHH�s �Life�s about truth and consequences� approach. Definitely goes with his character. Well done.
In the back Victoria protests to Eric Bischoff about the wedding, but HHH shoves her aside and gets right in Eric�s face, demanding a title shot. Bischoff immediately grants it for Unforgiven.
- Eugene accompanies William Regal to the ring for his match.
William Regal vs. Ric Flair
This seemingly was set up after Regal KOed Flair with the knucks at SummerSlam. Regal works the neck to start and gets a couple of knockdowns, but Flair gets a knee to the gut and gets to chopping, but Regal answers back with some European uppercuts and goes back to the neck. Flair fights back and sends Regal to the floor, but Regal gets a backdrop and rolls back in as, yep, we take a break.
Regal has control as we come back, but Flair quickly takes it back, dropping a knee and choking Regal in the corner before dropping another knee for a two count. They trade shots and Regal scores another backdrop, but Flair pokes him in the eye and goes up. Regal, of course, slams him down and hits a butterfly suplex. Flair reverses a whip and Batista hops onto the apron, clubbing Regal in the back, leading to a figure-four. The ref has a word with Batista, which allows Eugene to come in and reverse the move. Batista tosses Eugene into the post, but Chris Benoit (welcome back to the midcard, buddy) runs down to take care of Batista. Back in, both Regal and Flair slip on knucks, but Regal gets the first shot in and gets the pin at 12:14.
Rating: 3/10
Thoughts: Not that horrible, with some good back and forth action and both guys showed some good effort, but they seemed to be going at half speed here, repeating the same spots over and over (Regal backdropped Flair four times).
-Shawn Michaels returns at Unforgiven�.or will he?
- Smackdown Rebound. And the Divas dance for votes (Carmella looks SO disinterested in this whole thing). Kane, looking fabulous in his white tuxedo, walks backstage while Lita (in her dress) throws a wine bottle into the mirror she was looking at herself in. They show the altar, and it looks like the one HHH and Stephanie used back in 2002 when they renewed their vows.
The ceremony starts, and we immediately ramp up the cheese factor by having a freakish-looking midget ring bearer and flower girl head to the altar before Kane himself (with the cello and piano players playing something that sounds like his old ring theme), walks down the aisle, beaming and giving the flower girl a kiss on the cheek. The Wedding March plays, and Lita walks out, but instead of white, she�s decked out in black (including a black veil), as the song takes a darker beat. Ok, I gotta give them credit; they�re just milking this for all the comedy it�s worth. Kane ain�t too happy at her change in wardrobe. The minister tells them that someone wants to say something, and introduces Bischoff, who walks to a microphone on stage and reads a passage from the Bible (Ephesians 57:25, I think it was), with the crowd �What�-ing him at every pause. The minister states that their relationship is �unique� and Kane offers a video package set to the song �Having My Baby� that shows how much Kane has tormented Lita these past few months. Beautiful.
Kane recites his vows, saying that at first, he only saw Lita as a vehicle to carry his seed, but now, she is his property and will never know freedom until the day she dies. The minister is a bit uncomfortable with things right about now. Lita recites her vows (stumbling over them, even though she�s READING them off a paper), saying that she hates Kane more than life itself, and that her only hope in life is awaiting the day Kane dies in a horrible accident and rots in Hell. *Sniff* anyone have a Kleenex? I promised myself I wouldn�t cry tonight. Kane: �That was lovely.� I�m DYING here.
The minister asks for objections, and of course the crowd pipes up. Trish Stratus comes�..oh my, DOES SHE come out, dressed in white lingerie that has to be seen to be believed (as if she wasn�t loved by internet geeks ENOUGH). She�s not out to object, however, just to be Lita�s maid of honor, and turns the bitch meter up to 11, saying for Lita to just �open your heart�.just like you opened up your legs.� Lita jumps on her and they brawl on the floor (don�t women wait for the bouquet toss for this?) and Kane pulls Lita off, dragging her back to the altar.
The minister just wants to get this over with and asks Lita �Do you take this man��yaddayadda. Lita hesitiates before saying �I do.� He asks Kane the same question, but Matt Hardy�s music plays and Kane turns to the ramp to meet him, but Matt attacks him from behind and hits a Twist of Fate (which looked terrible and Matt smacked his head on the floor in the process. Just go have your surgery and take your time off, guy.) He and Lita run up the ramp, but a wall of fire blocks their path. Kane boots Matt down as the fire goes out and he chokeslams him off the stage as Lita watches in horror. Kane leads Lita back to the altar, and the minister, fearing for his life and just wanting his pay probably, quickly wraps things up. Kane says �I do�, they kiss, and Kane carries Lita up the ramp, pausing at the top to laugh at the fallen Hardy. And we fade to black.
Thoughts: Just too funny. A LOT of credit for this whole angle has to go to Glen Jacobs, who absolutely saved what would have been a complete disaster of an angle with his approach. It was stupid, it was over the top, it was implausible�.but it was just too damn funny to hate, and it was obvious that you weren�t supposed to take any of this seriously. Plus, we got Trish in as little clothing as possible for a bonus, so I just can�t hate on this segment.
Final Thoughts: A rather lackluster RAW saved by the brief Orton/HHH confrontation and the wedding. Two matches, despite going over 10 minutes each, is unacceptable, and I�ll be SO glad when the Diva search is finally over (3 more weeks, by the looks of things).
That�s it for me. Looks like I�m pulling a double next week with RAW and SD, so look out for that.
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