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TNA
SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/24/2005)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Feb 25, 2005, 09:36
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SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak (2/24/2005)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Time for a rare plug. Now, you guys know I rarely plug anything, and when I do it's always something I believe in. Right now, I want to encourage any of you who might be interested in e-wrestling to join the Smarks Wrestling Federation exclusively on the TSM Forums. Match writing is the key to success, which makes it much different from any efed I've ever participated in. Some great stuff has made these boards over the last few years, so check them out. You must be a member of the Forums to view the shows and participate, but it's worth it.
Tonight: We're on the road to WrestleMania, and we know that John Bradshaw Layfield will defend the WWE Championship against John Cena. How will they begin to build up toward it? Plus, we crowned new Tag Team and Cruiserweight Champions at No Way Out, and those new champions defend their titles tonight.
Segment 1
A paid advertisement from the friends of John Bradshaw Layfield hyping the celebration of JBL's title victory at No Way Out. A nice touch in announcing JBL is the longest reigning WWE Champion in nearly ten years.
Opening video of Batista officially challenging Triple H at WrestleMania.
Taped 2/22/2005 from the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! JBL's Celebration of Excellence is tonight! Plus, Linda McMahon will announce the Board of Directors' decision regarding Theodore R. Long's future. And, The Undertaker meets Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns in a double jeopardy match!
One fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Eddy Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr.� vs. The Basham Brothers
A return match from No Way Out, proving that you missed nothing if you didn't order No Way Out. Danny and Eddy start. Side headlock by Danny. Eddy with an armdrag takedown, and Danny quickly to the corner. Rey tags in, and he gets a rana for 2. Tag to Eddy, who kicks away at Danny. Back suplex for 2 as Doug makes the save. The Bashams double team in the corner after a tag, and Doug takes Eddy down with a form of a spinebuster off the turnbuckle for 2.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
An interesting time for the commercial break, so I can only assume Eddy's going to be the face-in-peril for this title defense. Pretty basic stuff so far.
Segment 2
Doug misses a flying elbowdrop, and Eddy takes him down with a swinging neckbreaker. During the break, Rey was taken out via the steel steps, so he's down on the floor as Eddy goes for a tag. A neckbreaker by Doug for 2. The Basham rams Eddy's back into the corner. Doug charges the corner but misses everything except the ringpost, but again Rey's not there for the tag, so the Bashams regain control. Danny tags in. Powerslam for 2. Rey's back in the corner as the Bashams double team in the opposite corner. Doug with the half crab. Doug knocks Rey off the apron to prevent the hot tag, and again the Bashams double team Eddy in the opposite corner. Eddy comes back and takes Danny down with a dropkick. Doug misses a legdive, and Eddy makes the hot tag to Rey. All four men in the ring, and we get a stereo ten punch countalong. Rey with an Asai moonsault to Doug for 2. Doug with a delayed Pedigree variation for 2, and Eddy comes in to prevent Danny from interfering. Eddy places Doug against the middle rope with a drop toehold, and Rey goes for the 6-1-9 but accidentally hits Eddy. Doug with a diving headbutt for 2 as Eddy just barely makes the save. Rey avoids a charging Danny before hitting the 6-1-9 to Doug. Eddy with the Frog Splash, and Rey hits the springboard legdrop for the pin at 12:52. Decent match, hot finish.
Michael Cole and Tazz discuss John Cena's victory over Kurt Angle to win the top contenders tournament at No Way Out.
Orlando Jordan hits on the SmackDown divas while inviting them to JBL's celebration.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
As many times as they had some sort of miscommunication spot with the champions, I'm very surprised we didn't have a title change and an Eddy Guerrero heel turn. I'm pretty happy we didn't have an actual title change as the Bashams seem to get real stale real fast when they're holding the titles, but outside of Reigns and Jindrak, are there any other heel challengers for the belts?
Segment 3
Kurt Angle Invitational: My Olympic Hero vs. Matt Martel
You know the usual deal with the prematch here, so I'll spare you the details. But they change it up just a bit, as Martel asks Angle how it felt to lose at No Way Out. Angle looks ready to cry, but he pops Martel instead, and we're underway. Angle generally uses roughhouse tactics before getting 2 off a release German suplex. Angle broke the pin himself, for the record. More roughhouse tactics. Belly-to-belly suplex for 2, as Angle pulls Martel up. Modified bow-and-arrow, then the Angle Slam for 2, and again Angle picks Martel up. One minute remaining. There's the Ankle Lock, and Martel taps out at 2:11.
Tazz is in the ring, and he gives Angle his props for always being up to the challenge, but he wants to know what Angle thinks about Shawn Michaels' challenge to Angle. Angle simply leaves the ring.
The guest for JBL's party begin to arrive. Is that Xavier getting out of that limo?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A pretty nice way to vary this up, as the challenger tries to get Angle angry, and Angle gets so angry that he refuses to get the win until he makes him tap out. And if this Martel kid is as good as some of the guys who have seen him in the indies say (he wrestles as Matt Striker...not to be confused with the ROH/HWA wrestler with a similar name), then sign this guy now, as he showed a good amount of charisma during his brief time on the mic.
Segment 4
From the Wachovia Center in South Philly.
Heidenreich is writing a poem when Josh Mathews asks...well, he never gets to finish the question, but Heidenreich reads a smashing poem with some brilliant rhythm where he says Booker T had to feel the same pain he did. Or something. This man needs Heyman to talk for him again. NOW!
Your hosts thank those of you who spliced your cable to get No Way Out for free, then they show the stills from JBL's successful title defense against The Big Show. We also get exclusive footage of JBL sneaking out of the cage from underneath the broken ring before we get still of Batista's postmatch attack and John Cena's appearance.
Look at the spread at those tables at ringside. Why didn't I get invited to the celebration?
John Bradshaw Layfield tells Orlando Jordan that he's in so much pain they can barely move. Jordan discusses postponing the event, but JBL refuses because of how much he's earned this and how much the fans deserve to see it.
And Linda McMahon has arrived at the WWE studios for her big announcement.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Read my lips, WWE. Heidenreich needs a mouthpiece if you insist on giving him mic time. Bring back Heyman now, or cut your losses and move on, because without Heyman, Heidenreich's got nothing. And for those of you who want me to say something positive, then I'll say this. At least he's less annoying than Stephanie McMahon.
Segment 5
WrestleMania 21 is 38 days away.
The Bashams and Jordan are already in the ring as some guy plays...um...some sort of weird stringed instrument. Jordan tells us that tonight, we celebrate excellence. We celebrate a man who has held the title longer in one stretch than Steve Austin himself: John Bradshaw Layfield. How many indy wrestlers can you name that are guests at the party? And it's only fitting to honor the WWE Champion in a city that lacks class and champions. So let's bring a little culture with an opera-style musical tribute that pretty much turned a usually hot Philly crowd against the entire product. Where's 911 to choke slam this chick when we need him? This crowd would rather see John Cena though. Then we unveil a nice painting of the champion. Seriously, that's a sweet portrait. JBL gets to speak, and he loves his cabinet. And what better place than Philadelphia to welcome America's champion? None of the sports teams are champions, "but today, you can live through me, your WWE Champion. And quite frankly, sometimes I even amaze myself." After all, he defeated The Big Show at No Way Out. He's lucky he survived, much less retained his title. The Big Show broke the ring, but not JBL's spirit. JBL has never failed on a guaranteed victory, so he guarantees nobody can beat him. Why do you think Batista's still on Raw? Finally, JBL gets to John Cena, saying he has no class. JBL has proven over the last 242 days that he is a wrestling God, and at WrestleMania, "you'll find out what it's like to bow at the feet of the greatest WWE Champion of all-time". But Bruno Sammartino turned down the Hall of Fame induction. It's time to party, but The Too Damn Big Show needs to crash the party. Beat up the guests, destroy the catering, beat up the Cabinet for a while, and then JBL stands alone. The Cabinet recovers in time to prevent the Choke Slam, and now Show gets hit with a champagne bottle and the title belt before John Cena finally comes out to make the save. And he destroyed the portrait! Some guy spent minutes working on that! Bring out Theodore R. Long for possibly the last time, but for now he's still officially the GM, so he's going to make a new match for tonight: John Bradshaw Layfield and Orlando Jordan vs. The Big Show and John Cena.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Nearly 20 minutes just to make that match? First off, what right does The Big Show have to destroy the set? There were no rules in that cage match at No Way Out, so it's not like JBL cheated to win or something. I can understand Cena running in since it was 4-on-1 at that point, but he destroyed a perfectly fine portrait for no reason whatsoever. Much much too long for what they were trying to accomplish.
Segment 6
One fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Chavito Guerrero� vs. Shoichi Funaki
I assume Funaki enacted his rematch clause even though Paul London was the star of the match at No Way Out, as well as the last man pinned. Chavo attacks before the bell and brawls his way to an early near fall. Keylock. Hammerlock. Funaki snap mares out of it. Funaki with shots to the ribcage and a big right hand. Corner whip and a bulldog for 2. Flying forearm. Turnbuckle smash. Going for the Rising Sun DDT, but Chavo counters. Funaki drives Chavo's back into the turnbuckle, but Chavo turns it into a Gory Bomb before grabbing the ropes for the pin at 3:21. Bye bye, Funaki's push, we hardly knew ye. Out comes Berzerker Paul London to dropsault Chavo out of the ring, then tells Chavo he stole the belt from London.
The double jeopardy handicap match is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I'm glad to see they're finally going to give Paul London something resembling a real push, but can't they just give him a push as a wrestler who happens to be one of the most athletic guys on the roster? Hey, if you want someone to do a cheap knockoff of Bruiser Brody, there's a guy named Jimmy Jacobs who does a kickass job with it already that you could sign. Just let London play the Ricky Steamboat lovable babyface angle and let him run with it.
Segment 7
Thank you if you actually paid for No Way Out, and congratulations to Joy Giovanni for being the only rookie SmackDown diva anybody's ever heard of.
Double Jeopardy Handicap Match: Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns vs. The Undertaker
Reigns immediately hops to the floor, making Jindrak the first man in the ring. Taker has the advantage, no sells a kneelift, and Reigns keeps trying to avoid getting tagged by Jindrak. So what's the difference between this and a regular handicap match? Undertaker locks in a triangle choke and gets the submission in 1:21. After the match, Jindrak and Reigns argue about the match when Reigns shoves Jindrak down. Jindrak snaps and levels Reigns with a left hand, and they brawl on the arena floor until several referees come in to try to break it up.
Linda McMahon reveals Teddy Long's fate next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Seriously, what was the difference between this and any other handicap match? I assumed with the "double jeopardy" thing being attached to it that it would be two separate singles matches or an elimination thing. Something different. Instead, we get that. The Jindrak/Reigns split was actually really subtle and pretty well done given how Reigns has used Jindrak to avoid Taker the last month or so, but why split up about the only heel tag team you had left right after a babyface tag team won the titles?
Segment 8
Teddy Long is in the ring for his Judgment Day, and the Philly crowd is having fun. So is Long, like he has since he became GM, but that might just come to an end. The Board of Directors has made their decision, and Long takes a minute to tell the fans how proud he is to be GM. We're not getting the answer until we hear from Carlito Caribbean Cool though. Carlito tells Long he should have used past tense because his reign of terror is finally over. And that means Carlito will have all the fun. And that is cool. Now it's decision time, so go to Stamford, Connecticut and Linda McMahon. The short version: Yes, Long has made questionable and/or biased decisions, but he did so for the benefit of SmackDown fans. Since that's what important, Long keeps his job. The decision is final, "so Carlito, stop calling. We don't want to hear it." The crowd actually starts a "Teddy" chant. Carlito teases the apple spitting, but Long catches the apple in mid-air. Long stands up to Carlito as he starts throwing a fit, and Long makes it clear that he tells Carlito what to do. So next week, Carlito better get to work early, because if he thought life was hell before, it's going to be even worse beginning next week. And that is cool.
The tag team main event is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
No surprises here at all, and Linda McMahon might have even gotten a funny line off if she had any delivery at all. Adequate enough since it got the point across.
Segment 9
One fall: Orlando Jordan and John Bradshaw Layfield (WWE Champion) vs. The Too Damn Big Show and John Cena (WWE United States Champion)
We get all the intros, then go to our final...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Segment 10
We're joined in progress with Show slapping Jordan in the chest and taking him out of the corner with a high Beell. Big headbutt, and more slaps to the chest. Choke against the ropes. Corner whip, and Show practically begs JBL to tag in. JBL doesn't, so Show keeps beating on Jordan instead. Again Show wants JBL to tag in, but still the champ backs off, so Show tags Cena in and lets him work Jordan over. Clothesline. Elbowsmash, and Cena goes after JBL, who quickly gets off the apron. JBL finally grows a set (sort of) and trips Cena from behind. Jordan dropkicks Cena to the floor, and JBL sends Cena into the steel. Jordan taunts Cena a bit before throwing him into the ring and right into Bradshaw, who is finally in legally. Quick tags by the heels. Hard clothesline by Jordan for 2. Jordan pounds away at Cena in the corner, and when Jordan distracts the referee, Bradshaw chokes Cena with the tag rope. Cena makes a small comeback, but JBL is in for the double team. In comes Big Show, and he's working over both opponents. A hard tackle to Jordan by Show, and Cena takes him down with the F-U. No cover, as he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle to get the pin at 6:01 aired. Show and Cena celebrate.
END OF SHOW
A pretty standard and formulaic tag team main event, as the point here is to make Cena look strong for WrestleMania without hurting JBL. And yes, they did a pretty good job of that, truth be told, but this was hardly a good enough match to be a main event in this day and age. I know we've got to sell Show and Bradshaw's injuries from No Way Out and doing so is going to hurt the match...but Jordan and Cena simply don't have the chemistry to carry a tag team match like this.
Overall, this was a decent episode, but nothing spectacular. They've set the wheels in motion for WrestleMania, which was the entire point of the show. But some of us still watch this show to get our wrestling fix, and there simply wasn't anything very good from an in-ring standpoint, and not even enough of the OK-but-not-very-good to justify that.
Still, it's WrestleMania buildup time, so let me know how well that's going. I've got a mini-vacation the way the month fell, so join Peter for both shows next week.
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