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TNA
Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/7/2005)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Mar 7, 2005, 23:05
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/7/2005)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
I'm already running late and I have work early in the morning, so on with it we go.
Tonight: Batista meets Ric Flair, plus expect Randy Orton to make his WrestleMania challenge and to find out what the hell Chris Jericho was talking about last week.
Segment 1
Last week, Triple H and Batista were getting it on, yo!
L-I-V-E LIVE from the RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina, on the campus of North Carolina State University! Tonight, Batista meets Ric Flair in that huge main event!
But first, the Holy Bible Kid gets the opening promo! He meets Kurt Angle at WrestleMania, who accepted the challenge last week by beating the crap out of Michaels after he won the street fight! Michaels was hoping that he and Angle could put on a wrestling clinic at WrestleMania, but Angle changed all that last week. After 15 minutes of brutality, Angle came onto Raw and left Michaels "bloody, beaten, and unconscious". I think it reminded him of Syracuse. And Shawn Michaels isn't a doormat for anybody, which is why Michaels returned the favor on SmackDown. And Michaels asked himself "Where did that rage come from?" Then it hit him. That's the rage that comes from doubt. Unanswered questions. Despite the gold medal and world championships, Angle's never faced "Mr. WrestleMania" Shawn Michaels. But dreams come true in WWE, and Angle's got his chance on April 3. My Olympic Hero shows up on the Titantron via satellite, and yes, this goes back to 1996. Angle tortured himself to win the gold medal, but all he ever heard was "When are you going pro, Kurt? Did you see Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XII?" And that ate him up, because even though he's great, calling Shawn the greatest of his generation is an insult. Had Kurt turned pro then, he'd have broken all of Shawn's records. And beginning Thursday on SmackDown, Angle will break them in four weeks. And remember, "it's hard to play Sweet Chin Music when your ankle is snapped in two."
Hungry Hungry Hippos is headed to the ring.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
OK, maybe the reasoning is kind of flimsy, but at least it does make sense. I remember Kurt Angle making all of those talk show appearances, and yes, pretty much everybody who interviewed him asked him about going pro. Of course, I don't remember Shawn Michaels' name ever coming up, but never let that get in the way of a good story. Still, for once I don't care why the match is happening. All I know is that these two guys at 50% are better than most guys at 100%, and that means this match should steal the show.
Segment 2
Batista is on the cover of the new Flex magazine, available next Tuesday.
One fall: Hungry Hungry Hippos (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Rosey
Of course, Triple H laid out The Hurricane last week, so Rosey wants revenge for his fallen tag team partner. Hunter charges, but Rosey counters with right hands and a headbutt to kick off this non-title match. Avalanche in the corner. Rosey goes for a moonsault off the second rope, but Hunter rolls out of the way. Hunter begins to choke away at Rosey. A knee to the ribs, and Rosey rolls out of the ring. Hunter follows and whips Rosey into the steel steps. A hard series of punches, and he rolls Rosey back into the ring and follows him back in. Spinebuster slam (WOW!), and Hunter calls for Batista. Pedigree, pin at 2:44. Postmatch, Hunter reaches underneath the ring and pulls out a sledgehammer. And he levels Rosey right in the ribs with the hammer. That's pretty much guaranteed internal bleeding. Trainers are immediately out to check on Rosey.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Basically a glorified squash for Triple H, but the idea here seems pretty clear. Batista is a threat to that World Title, and Hunter is willing to do whatever is necessary to keep it. And if he needs to show that to Batista by beating the hell out of people with a sledgehammer, so be it. Hunter is almost starting to entertain me in this role. Scary thought, huh?
Segment 3
Earlier today, Christy Hemme signed copies of her Playboy cover, which leads to footage of the photo shoot.
The Man WHOO! is sitting backstage as Triple H gloats about what he just did to Rosey. What's wrong, Ric? Nothing, he says, but Hunter knows better. He has to wrestle Batista later tonight, and all because Hunter made the match last week. Hunter gives one of his pep talks that's not really a pep talk because he's selfish and stuff, and he says he's got Flair's back..and so does this sledgehammer.
Edge comes into Eric Bischoff's office to see Chris Benoit, Christian, Y2J+5, and Shelton Benjamin have beaten him in, and in comes Eric Bischoff to announce a six way ladder match for WrestleMania. Edge protests until Bischoff offers the winner a future World Title shot. And that shot doesn't expire until WrestleMania 22. And they'll all wrestle tonight. Benoit vs. Benjamin. Edge vs. Jericho. And Christian against the sixth man...next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Those five men in a ladder match? Wow! Forget Michaels-Angle. This one should steal the show at WrestleMania 21. And with the possibility of the winner automatically main eventing WrestleMania 22? I doubt they're actually planning that far ahead, but this could still be awesome. The only downside is that the Intercontinental Title is apparently not going to be on the line.
Segment 4
Get a closeup of that ladder.
One fall: Christian (w/Tyson Tomko) vs. Kane
You couldn't have brought Matt Hardy back for this instead? Christian attacks Kane before the bell, but he's facing Kane, so this shouldn't take long. Kane presses Christian into the corner, then knocks him down with an uppercut. Corner whip, but Christian avoids it, and Tomko gets involved to give Christian an advantage. Chokehold. Forearms to the back. Slap to the chest. Sleeperhold, but Kane breaks it with a side slam. Corner whip and a clothesline. Powerslam. Boot to the face. Tomko tries to interfere but is kicked away. Kane misses the flying clothesline, but Christian runs into a choke slam that earns Kane the victory at 3:15. Tomko comes in after the match and levels Kane with the ladder. Of course, Kane sits up, but Tomko and Christian are already headed for the back.
Stacy Keibler tells Randy Orton he's hot, and he's got something to say to shock the world. He's issuing a challenge for WrestleMania.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
There are certain guys who are made to wrestle ladder matches. Christian, Edge, Jericho, and Benoit are definitely among those. Benjamin's a bit out of his element but can pull it off. Kane isn't. He's not agile enough due to his size, and the only one he was ever in -- TLC IV at Raw Roulette 1 -- was carried by six other men. Please let anybody BUT Kane win this one.
Segment 5
Good Ol' JR and The King eat Subway's toasted subs and hype Piper's Pit with Steve Austin at WrestleMania.
One fall: Y2J+5 vs. Edge
Lockup, stalemate. Lockup, go-behind by Jericho, and Jericho locks the left arm, taped up after last week's street fight, into an armbar. Hammerlock. Edge reverses. Edge with a headlock, countered into a wristlock, then into an armbar. This looks like wrestling. And this isn't even a Ring of Honor show. Into the corner, and Edge pounds away. Jericho recovers and drapes Edge's arm over the top rope. Cross armbreaker. Edge rolls Jericho onto his shoulders for 2 but doesn't break the hold. Edge uses an eye rake to gain control and rams Jericho's head into the turnbuckle. Jericho with a running enzuigiri. A springboard dropkick sends Edge to the floor, and Jericho follows with the pescadoe.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Actually some pretty good stuff so far if they stick with it, as Jericho has done a very nice job working Edge's left arm. Now let's see if Edge remembers to sell the arm after the spear unlike he did at SummerSlam 2002.
Segment 6
Back live, and Jericho's still working the arm. Forearm smashes. Stomps to the arm. Wristlock with the top rope for leverage. Corner whip and a clothesline. Jericho up top, but Edge levels him with a forearm. Headbutts. Edge also up top, and both come down thanks to a huge Edge superplex. And Edge sells the arm. Sweet. Kick to the ribs. Knees to the ribs now, and a baseball slide sends Jericho to the floor. Edge off the apron with a double-axhandle. Back in, and Edge uses a knee to the head. Bodyscissors. Jericho elbows the knee to break the hold and punches away at Edge. Jericho runs into Edge's knee to the gut. Against the ropes, and Edge mocks Jericho before running into a Jericho clothesline. Forearms and chops by Jericho. Shoulderblock. DDT. Huracanrana for 2. Kick to the arm. Flying dropkick to the arm. Faceslam. Jericho misses the Lionsault but lands on his feet, so Edge lands his boot to Jericho's jaw and covers for 2. Jericho with the double-leg takedown, and he goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Edge kicks Jericho into referee Chad Patton. Jericho with an elbow to knock Edge down. Jericho runs into a boot to the face. Edge sets up for the spear...but Jericho side steps and sends Edge to the floor. Edge sees the referee is still down and brings the ladder into the ring. He charges, but Jericho takes him down with a drop toehold, then hits the Lionsault and covers. Still no referee, so Jericho goes to check on him, and that gives Edge the opportunity to low blow Jericho with the ladder. Edgecution, and Patton just happens to wake up to count the pin at 16:05.
Coach praises Bischoff for the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, so Bischoff declares Pick Your Poison Monday. Next week, Batista picks Triple H's opponent. The following week, Triple H picks Batista's opponent. Why, that's genius, and Bischoff is just getting warmed up!
Batista vs. Flair is still to come!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It actually didn't end up as well as it started. Jericho did a kickass job of working the arm, but it was all forgotten before it was over with. Then there was the ref bump and the use of the ladder, which was surely done to remind people what part the ladder can play at WrestleMania but takes a lot away from what was otherwise a pretty good match. Definitely not a match of the year candidate here.
Segment 7
Reviewing the Hall of Fame inductees: Paul Orndorff, The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Bob Orton Jr., Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper, and Hulk Hogan.
Randy Orton's on the way to the ring, and if you really don't know who he's challenging after last week then you need some help. When he was five years old, he'd watch wrestling on TV to see his father. His friends would be over, and he'd brag about his dad. And that was very cool. Dad's being inducted into the Hall of Fame. And he's proud of his father. But he learned that if you want to remembered on your own, you need to do something unique. And he did that by becoming the legend killer. It's not about popularity, it's about making an impact. At WrestleMania 21, Orton wants legend killer vs. legend. He wants to defeat The Undertaker. And nobody's EVER beaten Taker at a WrestleMania. Damn, Orton's getting heel pops for this. I don't think that's what they wanted. But before they can go too far, Eric Bischoff is going to interrupt. He congratulates Orton for making such a brave challenge. And WrestleMania's going to be one hell of a night as not only Orton but also Shawn Michaels will defeat SmackDown superstars. And the Board of Directors will have to recognize Bischoff as a genius, and Orton will get more stock options. But wait, Eric. Didn't you run WCW? Didn't you beat the WWF for 88 straight weeks? It was 83, I think, but close enough. Doesn't that make you a legend? As a matter of fact...oh shit. Yep, an RKO for Bischoff, and get this. It didn't completely turn the crowd back toward Orton.
Pencil that in for WrestleMania. And also at Mania, Batista vs. Triple H. John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield. Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle. Steve Austin is the guest on Piper's Pit. The Money in the Bank Ladder Match. This is looking like an amazing card so far.
Up next, Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin. And Benoit is headed to the ring!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A challenge everybody saw coming, and I think the crowd reaction is enough to keep Taker's undefeated WrestleMania streak alive. The best part of the segment was the look on Bischoff's face when he realized exactly what Orton was thinking by asking "doesn't that make you a legend?" We all used to hate Bischoff's guts, but I honestly can't imagine Raw without him at this point.
Segment 8
One fall: Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin (WWE Intercontinental Champion)
Non-title, for the record. Benjamin climbs the ladder at ringside before the bell. Chain wrestling sequence to start. And another. A few shoves, and it looks like the scientific portion of the match is over already. Benoit knocks Benjamin out to the floor, and he goes for a tope suicida, but he misses Benjamin. He does, however, destroy the ladder with his head to a "holy shit" chant. Quickly back in, and Benjamin comes off the top rope with a lariat for 2. Benjamin misses the Stinger Splash, and Benoit goes into the rolling Germans. Benjamin counters the third German with a Victory roll for 2. There's another set of rolling Germans by Benoit. Benoit up top for the diving headbutt, but Benjamin rolls out of the way. Rolling cradle for 2. Benoit tries to counter a suplex with the crossface, which is countered by a backslide, and both men get a series of counters in before Benoit locks in the Crippler Crossface. Benjamin tries to roll out of it but can't, and he taps out at 4:34. Benjamin does retain the title since the belt wasn't on the line.
A WrestleMania 21 commercial featuring The Undertaker as Dirty Harry Callahan. Eh.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
This is the match out of the three Bischoff made between those six men that I was hoping would get 16 minutes. Still, you're going to be hard-pressed to find a better sub-five minute match unless you count the Owen Hart-123 Kid match at King of the Ring 1994. Excellent sequences of counters through the entire thing there.
Segment 9
Live from the RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina, and here's footage of Triple H nearly killing Rosey with a sledgehammer. Triple H will be in Ric Flair's corner when he meets Batista tonight.
Coach checks on Bischoff's condition, but Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari immediately comes in to claim discrimination since Hassan's not in the ladder match. Bischoff says it's based on past WrestleMania experience, and an argument ensues until Hassan and Daivari storm off.
Hey, this might be the first SmackDown Rebound in months!
William Regal and Tajiri looks at Christy Hemme's Playboy cover when Trish the Bitch snatches it from them. And Christy's in the ring next!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, I suppose it actually is unfair for Hassan to be disqualified from the Money in the Bank Ladder Match since he's never been in a WrestleMania. Of course, he's only been in the company for three months and probably shouldn't even be at IC Title level yet for that reason alone, but let's not let that get in the way of a good story. Don't be surprised if that becomes a seven way ladder match...or at least for Hassan to get a qualifying match next week.
And hey, didn't Regal and Tajiri do something vaguely important a few weeks ago? What was that anyway? Oh, yeah! They won the tag team titles! Silly me for forgetting since they haven't defended them on Raw for...three weeks now, I think.
Segment 10
Christy Hemme is in the ring, and I can't be the only amused by the fact that her theme song is called "Walk Idiot Walk". She has something important to say, but she needs to say it to Trish's face, so hurry up and get this over with. It's just that the new Playboy comes out on Friday, isn't it? "And if you ask her really nicely, she will autographed your magazine"...by writing "slut" on it. But the real reason she's out here is to challenge for the Women's Title at WrestleMania. Shouldn't a wrestler get that shot? Trish tells her this won't be a lingerie pillow fight. It will end her career. Christy seems serious, so Trish accepts. If Trish loses that title, heads are gonna fucking roll! But what makes Christy think she's got a chance in hell of winning? Well, someone's been training her. Not Hugh Hefner. Someone Trish knows very well: Lita. But I thought Christy wanted to train to wrestle. Lita stares Trish down, and Christy cheap shots her from behind by taking Trish down with an inverted twist of fate.
Ric Flair and Triple H head to the ring, but Eric Bischoff tells Hunter he's not going to the ring with that sledgehammer because he won't jeopardize WrestleMania's main event. So either drop the hammer or stay in the locker room. Hunter relinquishes the hammer, but Flair doesn't like either option.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
God, shoot me now. As if they didn't do irreparable damage to the women's division by having Molly Holly lose her hair last year at WrestleMania, now they have to give someone who's best match ever was with Stacy fucking Keibler a shot that any woman working at a local indy show did more to earn. Well, the show was looking kickass until that one.
Segment 11
Live in Raleigh, and Batista has chosen Chris Benoit to be Triple H's opponent next week.
One fall: Batista vs. The Man WHOO! (w/Hungry Hungry Hippos)
Flair charges, and Batista quickly shoves Flair down. And again. Flair with a thumb to the eye. A chop, and Batista doesn't feel it. A few more, and now it's Batista knocking Flair down with a shoulderblock. Gorilla press. Mounted punches in the corner, and that gives us the Flair Flop. Side slam. Hunter distracts Batista, and that allows Flair to chop block the knee. Chokehold. Bootscrape. Another chop block, and that looked vicious as hell. Elbow to the knee. Stomps to the knee. Elbowdrop to the knee. And Mike Chioda turns toward Triple H, allowing Flair to drop a knee to the groin. Figure-four leglock, and Hunter gives Flair some added leverage, but Batista quickly rolls over to relieve the pressure. Flair chops away, but Batista doesn't fell them. He does feel the elbow, but Flair climbs up top just to guarantee Batista regains the advantage. Clothesline. Powerslam. Sidewalk slam. Batista gives Flair and Hunter the thumbs down, and Hunter runs in to prevent the Batista Bomb but gets dumped to the floor. Batista hits the Batista Bomb, and that's the pin at 6:39. In comes Triple H to chop block Batista's knee...and he finds another sledgehammer underneath the ring. What, does Hunter run the ring crew too? Batista blocks the sledgehammer shot and pulls the hammer away from him. He breaks the handle over his knee, and Hunter is running like hell.
END OF SHOW
No surprises here, as this ended up being basically a cookie-cutter match to help the WrestleMania build. It worries me a bit that Hunter has really been the one on the ropes thus far in the feud, as that normally is an indication that the title's not changing hands, but who knows at this point?
Overall, I've certainly seen better shows, but this did a great job of helping to set up WrestleMania 21. We saw logical buildup to most of the WrestleMania matches, and when you add in the actual wrestling being somewhat decent tonight, that leads to a pretty good show overall. Now if only the women's title match wasn't going to be a complete waste of time.
Feedback goes here, and I'll be back next week with what should be less of a rush job.
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