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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (6/9/2005)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Jun 10, 2005, 16:37
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SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak (6/9/2005)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Thanks to my friend and co-worker Ron for providing me a copy of John Cena's CD. It is largely horrible for people like me who largely hate rap, but there's a couple of good songs mixed in there. If you like rap and/or like John Cena's mic work you'll probably enjoy it, but otherwise take a pass.
Oh, and those of you who like to pump your bass up really really loud when you're in somebody's driveway? STOP IT! I don't give a shit if you want to blow your own eardrums out, but spare those of us who like being able to hear.
Tonight: SmackDown! has no champion after John Cena got drafted to Raw, but it's their turn to get someone new. Batista? Triple H? Jim Ross? Any one of them could show up!
Segment 1
Taped 6/7/2005, and Theodore Long is already in the ring at the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri. Of course, John Cena went to Raw thanks to the draft lottery, leaving SmackDown without a champion. Before Long can name his contingency plan, out comes John Bradshaw Layfield. Now we'll never know who the better man in the JBL-Cena rivalry even though JBL never got a one-on-one win against him. And if JBL dressed in the locker room with everybody else, he'd see the fear of the other superstars. Of course, JBL reads off his resume in applying to be a two-time SmackDown Champion. Long's already talked to Vince McMahon, and it's been decided there will be no decision until after the draft. Then nothing was decided, was it? Anyway, that pretty much guarantees Cena's back before the month is over. Anyway, SmackDown's first draft pick is a man that's main evented WrestleMania. A man who has been World Champion. A former SmackDown superstar. Chris Benoit. Lots of people standing for that pick, including Michael Cole and Tazz. And you people say Benoit's never been over. Benoit's happy to be there. And he acknowledges that JBL has done a lot of things, including something Benoit's never able to do: quit. And a man who quits can't become champion when others are willing to fight for it. JBL praises Benoit IWGP and World Heavyweight title victories (but doesn't mention his WCW title reign) and says he's proud of everything Benoit's ever done except ECW. That's like "Wolfgang Puck bragging about working at Jack in the Box" or Joe Montana winning the Super Bowl and bragging about playing in Kansas City. The ECW beat down on Raw was a black eye for wrestling. "We've got, Race, Thesz, Brisco...and Balls." And superstars from Raw and SmackDown will be there to put an end to it. Benoit says he regrets nothing about his career, claiming he'd rather see someone walk around with a chair than see a man in a suit beg for a title he doesn't deserve. It's about the present, not the past, and in the present, both men are on SmackDown. So why don't we settle it tonight? JBL says it won't happen on his show, but it's the people's show, so the match is made. JBL goes for a cheap shot, but he gets taken down with a German suplex in retaliation before scurrying away from the Crippler Crossface.
Oh yeah, I forgot. Even though Kurt Angle was molesting Sharmell in a sanctioned match last week, Booker T still thinks Angle is scum, so they meet tonight.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, let's be honest. Anything short of God himself joining SmackDown probably would have been a letdown after the SmackDown Champion moved to Raw. Overall, a good segment that sets up tonight's co-main event. Both men actually made very good points to back up their side of the story, and I absolutely love JBL digging into Benoit's history, although Benoit was actually the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion and not the Heavyweight Champion. If JBL mentioned the difference, then I missed it entirely.
Segment 2
One fall: Carlito (w/Matt Morgan) vs. Charlie Haas (w/Hardcore Holly)
Carlito with a kick to start. Haas with a takedown and a shoulderblock. Nice hiptoss, followed by an armdrag. Haas immediately targets the left arm, and remember Carlito injured his shoulder and missed about four months of action. A shoulderbreaker and a knee to the back, and Haas covers for 2. Carlito tries to turn it into a brawl, and Haas fends it off, but Carlito takes control in fairly short order. Front facelock. Haas with elbows and a headbutt, and a standing dropkick. Running forearm. Clothesline. Million Dollar Kneelift a la Mr. Wrestling II. Backdrop. Carlito gets a thumb to the eye. Up to the apron goes Matt Morgan, but Carlito is the one who goes into him. Haas decides to dive after Morgan. Haas goes for a sunset flip, but after Holly stops Morgan's interference, Carlito rolls through and grabs the trunks for the pin at 3:54. Morgan gets an F5 after the bell, and the heels run in.
Let's relive the ECW invasion of Raw. Say what you want about it, but I marked out for it. Cole mentions the possibility of ECW showing up, and Tazz wonders if Cole knows something he doesn't.
JBL vs. Benoit later tonight.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A decent enough opening match, and I wish we could have gotten closer to ten minutes out of it to see how it could have really gone. I like how Haas targeted the shoulder, but I'm highly disappointed that neither Cole nor Tazz actually bothered to bring it up. I'd expect this to be turned into a tag team match next week.
Segment 3
Rob Van Dam returns to PPV this Sunday at ECW One Night Stand.
Heidenreich comes up to Chris Benoit backstage, asking him to be his best friend. He goes off to write a poem, and Benoit's all "Yeah, whatever." In comes Eddy Guerrero to welcome Benoit to SmackDown, and the last time they were together in the ring was WrestleMania XX. And should it end up being Eddy Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit for the new World Title, Benoit will always remain Eddy's close friends. Like Rey Misterio Jr.?
Steve Romero interviews Kurt Angle concerning his actions against Sharmell last week. How can anyone be offended by something that feels so right? I think Kurt enjoyed that match way too much, judging from his description. He then claims Sharmell wouldn't let him go after the match last week. Is the point of this angle to kill Kurt's credibility completely? Angle says Sharmell's leaving him after the match tonight.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I liked the segment between Benoit and Eddy, as it played off their history together and set up their match at One Night Stand. It even helped build the Rey-Eddy feud just a bit. However, the Angle stalks Sharmell bit ran its course a long time ago and needs to end now before it's too late. If it isn't already too late.
Segment 4
One fall: Paul London (WWE Cruiserweight Champion of the World) vs. Akio
If this is anything like their Velocity matches, this is going to kick ass. Non-title, by the way. London keeps Akip grounded with armdrags to start. London hits the mushroom stomp, and out comes Eddy Guerrero. That distracts London and gives Akio the chance to take control. Of course, Eddy becomes more important than the match, as he takes the microphone from Tony Chimel. Charles Robinson tells Eddy to wait until the match is over, but London dropkicks Akio into Eddy. Eddy dumps both men out of the ring, and I'm guessing that's a no decision at about 2:20. London goes after Eddy but is again dumped to the floor. And again. Possibly the last time these two will face each other, and this is how it ends. There's the "Eddy sucks" chant, and this whole segment is just proof that nobody respects Eddy. And why? Because nobody thinks he can beat Rey Misterio Jr. Have we forgotten how Eddy left Rey laying? Rey hasn't. He hasn't forgotten the screams as everyone wondered whether Rey would survive. He hasn't forgotten waking up in a hospital bed. And he hasn't forgotten the chair shot at Judgment Day. But Rey had better remember one thing. The promise Eddy made to Rey. Because Eddy doesn't make a promise he can't keep.
Last week, Kurt Angle pinned Sharmell, but he needs to pin Booker T. NEXT!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It doesn't matter how good Eddy's promo really was. There is never an excuse to interrupt a match to further an unrelated angle. The idea is to get everybody over, not just a select few. The sad thing is it's been four years since anybody on WWE's creative team actually remembered that.
Segment 5
From the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri.
One fall: Kurt Angle vs. Booker T (w/Sharmell)
Before the action, Angle cuts a promo, asking where Tazz stands with One Night Stand. He's had a week to think about it. But Angle will give Tazz another hour to decide.
Belltime (thank God). We somehow get a feeling out process over the first couple of minutes, and Angle keeps sneaking a look over at Sharmell whenever he gets the opportunity. Angle begins to target the left arm, but Booker is quickly out of an armbar to clothesline Angle down. Chops in the corner. Choke against the ropes. Booker drapes Angle over the top rope, then heads to the apron to scissor kick Angle to the floor. Back in, and Angle tries to brawl with Booker. Booker brawls right back before taking Angle down with a leg lariat. A series of punches and chops, then a corner whip. Angle avoids an elbow and takes Booker down with a release German suplex. Hard kneelift. Backbreaker for 2. Back suplex for 2. Bodyscissors. Booker's out of it, but Angle takes him over with a belly-to-belly suplex. Booker backdrops Angle over the top rope.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I like both guys, but I'm just not feeling this match so far. Too much slow brawling. If this was an intense brawl, that would be one thing, but it's like they're just going through the motions.
Segment 6
Angle holds a waistlock as Booker gets out of it with an Ace crusher. Booker with punches and chops, followed by a series of clotheslines. Suplex. A fucked-up looking "countered" scissor kick leads to a sequence that ends with Booker getting the Book End for 2. Angle is able to go into the rolling Germans, but Booker rolls through the third one and gets 2. Angle Slam by Angle for 2. Ankle Lock. Booker rolls forward and sends Angle into the corner. Booker with a spinebuster, then into the spinnaroonie. There's the scissor kick again, but it only gets 2. Angle picks the ankle and goes back into the Ankle Lock. Sharmell pleads for Booker to reach the ropes, but Angle pulls him back to the center of the ring. Booker fights it off and reaches the ropes to force the break. Angle is right back to it, and Booker rolls forward, sending Angle into referee Jim Korderas. Angle's to the floor, and he's got Tony Chimel's chair. Chair shot right to the ankle, but he misses one to the head, and the chair snaps off the top rope and rebounds back to Angle. Booker holds the top rope to assist in the scissor kick, and that gets the pin at 17:45.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Despite the slow start, they turned this into a pretty decent match before it was over thanks to a hit finish. I love the touch of Booker essentially using the top rope to not only keep his feet but give himself leverage to hit the scissor kick after taking the chair shot to the ankle. Now can we please move one of these two to Raw so we can end this asinine angle for good?
Segment 7
Angle is still in the ring, seemingly dumbfounded by the loss as we see the replay. Angle finally leaves the ring, but he grabs a chair and mic and walks right over to Tazz. Angle's cut about 35 minutes off of Tazz's deadline, and his demand for an answer prompts Tazz to stand up and remove his headset. Suplex him, Tazz! Do it! Angle says he's not going anywhere until he gets Tazz's answer and sits down next to the broadcast booth. Tazz burns a hole through Angle for a long damn time. Angle says he'll leave instead of waiting, but instead he attacks Tazz with the mic, then levels him with the chair. Uh oh. Kurt? Tazz is gonna kill you! Tazz is busted open, and you even hear a fan go "Whip his ass, Tazz, come on!"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
If this leads to the return of the Human Suplex Machine, even for one night, then by God I'm all for it. That is going to be one hell of a markout moment if and when it happens. I have to admit, while I'm skeptical about the use of the WWE-exclusive guys on this show, they've done such a great job of building intrigue for it that I simply have to watch it live, and I can't remember the last time I felt like I had to watch the PPV live.
Segment 8
Moments ago, Angle made Tazz bleed until trainers carried him to the back. Cole is angry and stuff.
One fall: Heidenreich vs. Rory Fox
Cole calling a match by himself. This is going to suck more than the usual Heidenreich match. Of course, Heidenreich makes a friend (who's actually a pretty adult woman. Go figure). He doesn't read poetry before Fox attacks from behind. Of course, this isn't MTV, so Fox gets pinned in 25 seconds. After the match, Heidenreich does read his poem.
The Raw Rebound focuses on Hell in a Cell, even though all anybody talked about on Tuesday morning was John Cena and Christian.
Tony Chimel brings out ECW's Paul Heyman to be the guest commentator for the main event. How convenient he just happen to be here when we needed a guest commentator. Rhyno, The Dudley Boyz, Tommy Dreamer, and The Sandman come out with him.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
How the hell is this getting over? The matches mean nothing, the poems suck, and Heidenreich's voice makes me want to dig my eardrums out with a spork. At least his friend was cute.
Segment 9
Sabu returns to PPV at ECW One Night Stand.
One fall: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
This is Benoit's first match on SmackDown in over 16 months. Bonus points if you can remember who his opponent was without looking at Graham Cawthon's History of WWE website. Heyman mentions that JBL was turned down by ECW at least three times when he looked for a job. JBL sends Orlando Jordan to the back before the bell, and he returns with The Basham Brothers.
There's the bell, and a couple of chops is enough to send JBL out to the floor for a Tastykake break. Back in, and Benoit is beating Bradshaw with forearms and chops. Bradshaw reverses a corner whip and stomps away, but Benoit is right back to his feet and chopping away. Corner whip, but Benoit runs into a big boot and gets taken down with a shoulder tackle. Benoit blocks a suplex and gets in a snap suplex. Benoit goes for the sharpshooter, but JBL gets to the ropes. More chops. Headbutt. Bradshaw catches Benoit coming in with a kneelift. JBL taunts the ECW contigent, but Benoit takes him down and locks in the sharpshooter. Up to the apron go the Bashams, and Benoit sends them down. Back to the sharpshooter, this time it's Jordan to the apron for the distraction, and JBL attacks from behind. Meanwhile, Carlito and Matt Morgan are making their way to ringside.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A decent brawl thus far, mostly because this time it looks like they're actually trying to land some shots. The ECW buildup is kind of overshadowing the match a bit, but do you really care when Bradshaw's involved anyway?
Segment 10
We're back, and JBL is working over Benoit along the ropes. Now working him over in the corner. Hard corner whip. Delayed cover for 2. JBL goes for a back suplex, but Benoit spins on top of JBL for 2. Bradshaw is right back into control. Sleeperhold. The arm drops once, but not three times since it's not 1987 anymore. Benoit uses a back suplex to break the hold. Benoit begins to get the better of a forearm exchange, and down goes Bradshaw with a clothesline. Snap suplex by Benoit. Rolling Germans. Signalling for the diving headbutt, but out comes Kurt Angle. Benoit ignores it and hits the diving headbutt for 2. Into the Crippler Crossface, and in comes Angle to break it up. In comes everybody else, and that pretty much rules this a no contest at about 13:15. As ECW gains an advantage, out comes Tazz with Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney. Tazz briefly locks in a Tazzmission to a monster pop, and Angle hightails it. Tazz points at Angle as Team ECW finishes clearing the ring.
END OF SHOW
Obviously the ECW run-in had more impact Monday night when we hadn't seen it yet, but the pop for the brief Tazzmission was almost enough to make it something special by itself. I'm not happy that this ended a match that I was beginning to get into, and I hope against hope that it doesn't affect any of the matches that take place Sunday night, but it has been pretty entertaining so far.
Overall, a blah SmackDown. Angle-Booker was only saved by the finish, and the one match that could have blown away the crowd never got the chance to develop. You might as well have just made this show more ECW-centric, because that's really all I cared about by the end of the evening.
Feedback goes here as usual.
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