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TSM Weekend Newsflash
Posted by Byron Vester on Feb 2, 2003, 21:38
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Wassup, freaks? Guess who�s back and FLU-FREE, BABY!!! Yeah, yours truly spent damn near the entire week afflicted with the fucking flu. And I must say, the one thing probably worse than the flu itself is the goddamn MEDICINE. I swear, I got sick on Saturday, took the medicine at like 12 noon on Sunday, and didn�t wake up til 2:45 am on Monday. Now how fucked up is that? I was even told that I was so out of it that not even my friends kicking me in the side didn�t even stir me once. So yeah, I slept through Choke Bowl 2003(I later watched it since a friend of mine taped it) and I can safely say that the game itself wasn�t jack compared to the post-game bitching by the Raiders, most notably by Jerry Porter, and to be truthful, underneath all the bile and bitterness, he did have a valid point, but that�s neither here nor there and now the Raiders are fixing to get seriously buttfucked by the salary cap, so I hope they enjoyed their SB festivities because it may be a while yet before they go back again.
On the wrestling side of things, while I DID watch Smackdown, my VCR decided to start eating up tapes the day before, so I couldn�t tape it nor Lupin the Third and Inuyasha(MOTHERFUCKER!). So, I�ve kinda spent my last couple of days trying to fix the bitch ass machine and it ain�t doin�. God, I don�t want to waste my precious anime DVD dollars on buying another goddamn VCR. Man, life sucks sometimes. Okay, I�m back from my tangent� fucking flu medicine. Anyways, I was watching TNA on Wednesday for the first time in weeks and I came to this conclusion: I really fucking HATE Vince Russo. You�d think that he would take a hint and build someone else up as top heel and stop hauling in old-timers, but OH NO! That�s not the Russo Way, BAHGAWD~! Everybody who claims that Russo is doing great things with this company when he�s made himself the top heel AGAIN can blow me. At least he hasn�t booked himself into a NWA Title match yet, but I wouldn�t put it past them at this point. Also, there�s one thing that�s made me think that all is not lost and that�s A.J. Styles� awesome character now, although I could have done without Larry Loser kicking his ass in their last match. Even if it did get rid of Mortimer Plumtree for good, A.J.�s better off on his own and hanging another albatross on his neck is no way to build a future star, dammit!
On the WWE side of things, there�s been rumblings that WM 19 will be main evented by another Rock/Austin rematch. Honestly, I�d love to see the match, especially if both guys bring their �A� games to Seattle, but come ON, Brock/Angle should be the main event, period. No ifs, no ands, no buts. If I were setting up the WM uppercard(basically the last 4 matches), I�d start off with HBK/Jericho, then do HHH/Whoever(choke on THAT, Hunter), then Rock/Austin, and finally, Brock/Angle. But then there�s the whole pesky Goldturd deal and his eventual appearance(stop lying to yourself, you know he�s going to come) to be �highlighted� by Rock/Goldturd at Maina and probably Backlash, which would really, really suck considering that Turd boy hasn�t exactly gotten better the longer he�s in the business.
Okay, now that we�ve got all the other crap out of the way, IT�S TIME FOR THE NEWS!
TSM Weekend Newsflash
Columnist�s Note: Unless told other wise, all news items come from Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer
Jones is a WHAT?
Yes, after all that hype and the spooky video packages, Nathan Jones is apparently coming in as a face as he�s teaming with Chris Benoit now(What the FUCK?) and worked as a face against Mattitude last week. Okay, lemme get this straight� After WEEKS of showing us these vid packages talking about how Nathan was the scourge of some backwoods Aussie prison(no disrespect intended towards Austrailians) and those creepy promos where he�s talking gibberish(I still have no clue what the hell he�s talking about), he�s coming in as a FACE? I know the WWE booking team is full of blind, shit-throwing monkeys and all, but COME ON NOW! Presenting the guy as some lunatic ex-con and then having him come in as a good guy is DUMB SHIT BOOKING! It�s bad enough with bitter geezers like Johnny Ace bury a budding star due to petty bullshit, but this is stuff they should get right ALL THE TIME. Maybe Heyman�s old ECW tendencies are rubbing off on them or something� or maybe they are just really fucking stupid, take your pick.
RAW whips Smackdown!�s ASS
Well, I guess there goes one justifiable reason to bring Austin back� Smackdown clocked in with a 3.2 last week, which means that it was RAW�s personal bitch(which is like the first time in months that RAW has blown away SD! in the ratings. I really think that this may be a one time thing since GeezerMania has been announced for the next Smackdown show, so unless RAW puts together a real blowaway show(HAH!), expect things to go back to their usual doldrums within 2 weeks.
Ahhhhh, My Quad, Part 2
Like you couldn�t tell by the title. Apparently, Triple H�s bruised thigh was enough to keep him out of the ring at the MSG show tonight and he will not wrestle for at least a week(shit, I can�t even remember the last time he wrestled on RAW as it is). Okay, really� it�s time to end the experiment once and for all. Either get the RAW Title off of him at No Way Out or just strip him of the damned belt. There�s no need to put up with him getting injured damn near every month and still be in the goddamn main event. I really don�t care who they give the belt to, either, just as long as Hunter takes his crippled ass home and actually comes back at more than 50%. I mean, it�s really fucking pathetic watching Helmsley cling onto that belt knowing that he�s not physically fit enough to wrestle one friggin match without injuring himself and I�m fucking tired of watching it. Do the right thing and do the fucking job, Hunter. Be a fucking man for once.
WrestleMaina Fan Axxess Announced
Considering the fact that I�m not going due to shitty circumstances and that I really have nothing of note to say, I�ll just copy and paste this from the Observer:
--WWE.com officially announced the Fan Axxess at Wrestlemania weekend. The schedule is events on 3/27 at 7 p.m., 3/28 at 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. and 3/29 at 10 a.m., 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. All sessions are three hours in length. There will only be 2,000 tickets available for each session, with the idea that will create shorter lines. Tickets are $40 per session.
Well, some of our own writers like Josh Lowmon will be in attendence for the PPV, so maybe he�ll drop by Fan Axxess and give us a first-person account of everything that goes on.
That�s about it from me for this week, kiddies. I got a few tests in school this week(college is a bitch), so I may not be online that much other than dropping the news(maybe not even then with the assload of term papers I have to do), so I hope you bastards bear with me on this.
Bringin� The Pimpage
Yeah, it�s that time again. As always, be sure to drop in after RAW for RAW from JHawk�s Beak, cause let�s be honest here� You and I both know you don�t want to watch it anyway, so why not have a laugh at someone else�s pain? Wednesday nights, as usual, belong to your personal Messiah(:::: plots to have his thumbs cut off ::::) and mine, Damian Gonzalez drops his widely read and respected NWA:TNA Diatribe, so read it because it owns your sorry ass and stuff, �kay? Last, but not least, there�s my compadre in wrestling news, Dr. Tom, as he kicks your ass with the Midweek News/Smackdown Report doubleshot. I�ll be back Sunday, same Pissed Off time, same Pissed Off channel.
Later, bootches!
Byron Vester
The SmartMarks.com
E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x�s)
Need to confirm something? Wanna read a rant or an excellent anime DVD review? Just get to the archives, yo.
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