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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (11/20/2003)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Nov 20, 2003, 21:30
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (11/20/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
No E-Mail of the Week due to two things. 1) Sheer laziness on my part, and 2) the best piece of mail I received being a press release for a Randy Savage appearance on Chicago public access cable. Yes, it was kind of a slow week.
No Forums Quote of the Week due to the fact that nothing stood out as being better than anything else. You're all slipping.
And a quick programming note: Expect next week's recap to be about 24 hours late. As you probably know, next Thursday is Thanksgiving in the United States of America. And while that means an easy day off for most people, it also means that the next day is "Black Friday" in the world of retail. So I'll be working very early Friday morning and as a result will need some sleep Thursday evening (and Friday afternoon after I get off) to keep myself from going completely insane. Consider that fair warning, but expect the recap to be online sometime Friday evening.
Tonight: Kane makes his first appearance on SmackDown in over a year to eulogize his storyline brother, The Undertaker, following his burial at Survivor Series (and you can read all about that night of action in Dames' Diatribe). Plus, we'll probably have some matches and stuff. Will this show be better than Raw this week? Well, it hasn't been over the last month or so, and Raw was actually good this week, so they have their work cut out for them.
What? Nathan Jones is in action again tonight?
Forget having their work cut out for them. It might take a miracle.
Segment 1
We don't even have time to tell you where we were taped on November 18 from, because Mr. McAsshole limps to the ring with No Longer Able Sable leading the way. Hey, Vince, it's more believable if you DON'T STAND ON THE BAD LEG when climbing the ring steps. Thirty seconds in and I've already lost the suspension of disbelief. We're in the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas, for the record. Vince wants some common decency out of the people, so of course, he won't get it. Vince got his ass kicked on Sunday like never before. In fact, he's lucky to be alive. Taker pummeled Vince. He was bleeding from every orifice except maybe his ass (and if that happened, I don't want to know if Pat Patterson was in the room or not). He almost had his privates pulverized, and if not for a therapeutic massage...maybe Patterson WAS in the room. Oh yeah, and he had his ankle shattered like it was September 1998 all over again. And he took shovel shots. The next thing Vince remembers is his greater power sending an avenging angel in the form of Kane to bury The Undertaker alive. And Kane will be here tonight to deliver his brother's eulogy. Remember when Kane couldn't talk? Oh yeah, that was more than two weeks ago, so it doesn't count. I forgot. Anyway, Vince is happy because The Undertaker's corpse is rotting and his soul is being tortured by the devil himself. So who did Taker wrestle on Sunday then? Vince feels more powerful than ever. Unstoppable. Invinceable. Untouchable. Careful Sable, you might turn into stone. Here comes John Cena to interrupt the proceedings. Cena says Houston has its own slang, so he tries to rap accordingly. He says Vince isn't untouchable, he's just got nothing to touch. Sable's only there for the money. Vince gives his angry face as Cena threatens to stretch Vince until the crowd thinks he's Yao Ming. Vince is a stupid [fill in your own blank, but it rhymes with "suck"].
But Vince dropped the real bombshell, as Kane delivers his brother's eulogy tonight!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
You know, it is so nice that we've established what the huge main event for tonight is. (They didn't announce a match.) You're kidding!
On a serious note, obviously this was done as a way to cement John Cena's face turn for those who maybe haven't paid attention, but I have a way we could have accomplished the exact same thing...a video package. The crowd can see for themselves how things went down, and all you'd need would be for Vince to do the untouchable thing casually in the back and Cena to enter his office and do the same spiel. But hey, that's why they get paid the big bucks on that committee, huh?
Segment 2
Team Lesnar is in the back looking dejected as King Brock I asks them if they know what they put Brock through this week. After all, because of them, Brock's team lost at Survivor Series. Brock only tapped out to Chris Benoit because everybody else let him down. This is like that Budweiser commercial with the cocky football player. Brock's the champion and deserves respect, and respect is what he's going to get. He's talked to Paul Heyman. Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, Ape Train, and The Too Damn Big Show all get a chance to redeem themselves. First up is Chris Benoit, who meets Nathan Jones tonight. Jones likes that one. Brock: "You are one ugly bastard, you know that? That's what I like about you." And Brock will be in Jones' corner. Next up is John Cena, who pinned The Big Show on Sunday to clinch the victory. The guy who took Show down with the FU. Show's getting Cena, which is good, because Show wants Cena. Now get away from the champ!
One fall: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Akio (w/Tajiri/Sakoda)
Tajiri defends the Cruiserweight Title against Jamie Noble later tonight. Rey tries to outwrestle Akio, but Akio counters with martial arts. Shoulderblock. Akio backflips, but Rey comes back with a satellite headscissors. They exchange chops, and Akio sends Rey under the ropes to the floor. Akio follows Rey out and works him over on the floor before bringing him back inside for a near fall. Akio pulls on the arms while using his foot to push down on Rey's head. Rey maneuvers to his feet, and a counter sequence ends with Akio getting a clothesline for 2. Neck vice. Corner whip, spinning heel kick, and Akio to the top, but Rey forces Akio to fall groin first onto the top turnbuckle. Rey with a shoulderblock and a springboard sitdown thingie (I refuse to call it a senton), then a tornado DDT for 2. Victory roll for thr...um...two, I guess. It was real close. Rey misses a dropkick. Heel kick by Akio for 2. Up top...he misses the corkscrew moonsault (formerly known as Yang Time). Rey with a rana into the middle ropes...619! The West Coast Pop (Akio lands flat on the top of his head) gets the pin at 5:31. Good stuff. **
Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman is looking for Shannon Moore, but he walks into Shaniqua helping The Brothers Basham "celebrate" their win at Survivor Series. Heyman passes on an offer to participate. Then he finds Shannon Moore v.0.75 to explain Matt Hardy's move to Raw. He offers Moore a chance to become a star, as he has a match next. Against Matt Morgan. It was nice knowing you, Shannon.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
There is nothing wrong with a solid 5-6 minute cruiserweight match to start the show, and that's what you got here. As always, you can question why Akio is out against such a high-profile name right out of the gate, but some solid action makes me very happy.
I like the edge they're giving Brock Lesnar's character, as he feels he's too good to be at fault for his loss in a team competition, while at the same time becoming paranoid that his losing streak could lead to the loss of the title. He keeps the killer instinct while still looking vulnerable, and you can't argue with that.
Continuity between Raw and SmackDown? Shannon Moore ends up getting the raw end of the deal, but at least the two shows paid attention to each other this week.
Segment 3
One fall: Shannon Moore v0.75 vs. Matt Morgan
Staredown to bring home the size difference, and Moore goes on the attack before the bell. Satellite headscissors, but Morgan simply drops Moore to the mat. Series of shoulderblocks in the corner, and the boot choke. Bodyslam. Forearm smash. Moore tries to fight back, but a huge boot to the face knocks him down. Shove into the corner. Corner whip, clothesline. Beell. Another Beell...but this one sends Moore over the top rope to the floor. Damn (tm Ron Simmons)! Morgan uses Moore like a lawn dart to bring him back in and covers...but he picks him up at 2. Sitout Power Bomb, pinfall, 2:55. 1/2*, all for Moore's bumping like a champ for the larger Morgan.
Still to come, Chris Benoit will get to prove how good he is, as his task is to make Nathan Jones look somewhat competent.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I always have mixed feelings about this type of match. While a guy like Moore bumps for the bigger guy like Morgan and thus makes Morgan look good, you risk making the more talented man lose any credibility he may have been building up. In this case, it makes sense with the storyline (Moore's being punished for Matt Hardy's move to Raw), and Moore doesn't have much credibility with the casual fans anyway, so it's acceptable.
By the way, why would Matt Hardy want to go to Raw? Does he forget when Eric Bischoff didn't even know who he was last summer? You know, because Jeff was the marketable Hardy?
Segment 4
A SmackDown commercial airs that features the divas but never mentions wrestling.
One fall: Ape Train vs. Bradshaw
Not again! We saw it last week, it was tolerable, end of story. A-Train attacks Bradshaw on the floor before the bell. In the ring, and Bradshaw has the advantage. Flying shoulderblock. Swinging neckbreaker for 2. Referee Nick Patrick tries to keep Bradshaw from attacking in the corner, which enables A-Train to get in a clothesline and gain control. Elbowdrop for 2. Reverse chinlock. Bradshaw elbows out but eats an elbow from A-Train. Bradshaw counters a bodyslam with an ugly (but effective) DDT. Bradshaw fights back and takes A-Train down with a big boot. Two clotheslines and a back suplex, and Bradshaw comes off the top rope with a flying tackle that gets 2. A clothesline sends A-Train over the top rope, and Bradshaw follows, but A-Train hits the Derailer on the floor. A-Train doesn't want the countout and rolls Bradshaw back in, and the cover only gets a couple of two counts. Another Derailer is countered by a small package for 2. A-Train goes for a Vader bomb but meets Bradshaw's boot. Bradshaw takes A-Train down and uses the ropes for 2. A Clothesline from Hell is countered with a big boot, and A-Train gets the pin at 5:08. For the second straight week, good for big man vs. big man, but OK at best as a standard match. *1/4
Up next, Nathan Jones vs. Chris Benoit.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Now that we've proven that A-Train can beat Bradshaw, can we please move on? I mean, the matches are better than they really have any right to be, but they're just not good enough to get the crowd into the show, nor are they good enough to make me want to see either man anytime soon. And this is coming from a man who doesn't actually hate these two guys.
Segment 5
The all new wwe.com. Go there for Survivor Series coverage.
Brock Lesnar makes good on his promise to be at ringside for this contest...
One fall: Nathan Jones vs. Chris BeNOIT
If this is watchable, then Benoit truly is God. And yes, I said that about Kurt Angle last week. Benoit chops away early, but one boot knocks him down. The crowd's too busy taunting Brock to care, unfortunately. Jones traps Benoit in the corner. Corner whip. Benoit uses his speed to send Jones over the top rope, and an angry Lesnar rolls Jones back in. Jones again traps Benoit in the corner. Powerslam for 2. Chinlock. Benoit lifts his feet to get some distance, but Jones pounds way at Benoit. Spinning side slam for 2. That almost resembled a wrestling move. Back to the chinlock, which is effective for wearing an opponent down but puts an unsuspecting crowd to sleep. Benoit avoids a slam and chops away at Jones. Jones misses a boot, and Benoit dropkicks the ankle. Benoit can't lock the sharpshooter, but he can hit a couple of rolling Germans. Cut throat gesture, and a missile dropkick is followed by a baseball slide. Up top again, but he misses the Swan Dive Headbutt. A press slam is countered into the Crippler Crossface, and Brock runs in, only to get sent to the floor by Benoit. Benoit locks the Crossface back in, and Jones taps at 5:45. 3/4* But wait! Brock runs in and lays out Benoit with the title belt. In comes Hardcore Holly through the crowd to make the save, and when they're on the floor, Brock takes a nasty bump into the guardrail. Holly locks the full nelson, and cops have to come out to separate them as Paul Heyman comes out and orders him arrested. Heyman grabs the mic and asks for Holly to be turned around. Holly was given the night off, so he's trespassing, which is why he's being carted off to jail. Heyman then adds an indefinite suspension as Lesnar celebrates with his title belt.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Even Benoit can't carry Nathan Jones to a good match, but I might have liked it if Jones could take a bump at all. Just cut your losses and fire Jones already. That being said, I know some of you are probably highly pissed off that Holly is being put on a higher pedestal than Benoit in this segment, but I liked it. Yes, the arrest angle's been done, but they're trying to sell the point that Holly is obsessed with hurting Brock, not with taking his title. And he's so obsessed with Brock that he's willing to attack him whenever he gets the opportunity. Nicely done.
Segment 6
The Vibe Awards are tomorrow night, and thank God, because that means I don't have to see the hype for them anymore.
We're on a two-day tape delay from the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas.
Kane is on his way to the ring, as it's eulogy time. Give him his own spotlight. But he can't give the eulogy. The truth is, the man known as The Undertaker has been dead a long time. They both used to be monsters, striking fear into the hearts of normal men. But Taker committed the cardinal sin..."he became one of you". He showed compassion and defended Stephanie McMahon. "This man was not a monster. A monster shows no compassion. A monster shows no weaknesses. My brother was nothing more than a fraud!" So Kane buried him alive, and he enjoyed it. Kane looks around and sees nothing but insects, but at least they're true to their nature. But thanks to Kane, we never have to see his "pathetic carcass" again. All he has to say is "Rest in peace, my brother. Rest in peace." Insert evil laugh here.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Short, sweet, and to the point. You've got to like that. Hell, I know I expected this to last about 20 minutes and drag on worse than a televised golf tournament. And while it doesn't build to anything right this second, it adds fuel to the fire for what is sure to be a feud between Kane and The Undertaker. I don't care about the match itself, but the build for that could be awesome.
Segment 7
One fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Jamie By God Noble vs. Tajiri (champion--w/Akio/Sakoda)
Tajiri won the match on Sunday Night Heat via questionable circumstances, warranting this rematch. Referee Mike Sparks sends Akio and Sakoda to the back before the match starts. Noble simply brawls with Tajiri in the early going. Swinging neckbreaker and a legdrop for 2. Tajiri counters a headscissors by crotching Noble on the top rope, then sends him to the floor with a kick to the head. Tajiri rams Noble's shoulder into the ringpost, then rolls him in the ring and covers for 2. Tajiri's keeps the focus on the left arm. Top wristlock. Hammerlock. Noble breaks it with a Samoan drop. A series of forearms and a knee to the midsection. Running forearm smash. Short clotheslines. A kick to the arm stops Noble in his tracks. Noble avoids the handspring elbow and gets the magistral cradle for 2. Noble avoids the Tarantula, but not a kick to the head. Tajiri up top, but he's stopped by Noble, who slams Tajiri off the top to the mat. Tajiri avoids the tiger bomb. Noble avoids a slingshot into the corner, but not a kick to the head, and Tajiri covers for 2. Noble ducks the Buzzsaw Kick and hits the Tiger Bomb, but Tajiri gets his foot on the bottom rope. Nidia heads to the ring, using a cane to feel her way down, and that allows Tajiri to get a roll up for the pin at 4:48. **1/4 Postmatch, Noble goes to check on Nidia and says "I had him", as apparently she was supposed to stay in the back. Why she's there in the first place when she can't see is beyond me.
The World's Greatest Tag Team thanks Paul Heyman for the shot at Los Guerreros tonight, going through their history together in 30 seconds or less (the way it should be done). Charlie Haas does a little extra staring.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
So we're teasing another break-up between Noble and Nidia? This is what, the third time we've done that since the brand extenstion started? And sadly, that is most likely the blowoff to the Tajiri-Noble feud that brought us a series of good-but-too-short matches. Good match while it lasted, but a disappointing finish.
Segment 8
One fall: Los Guerreros vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team
Remember, two months ago, Chavo Guerrero Jr. dropkicked a chair into Shelton Benjamin's knee and took him out of action for over a month. We have a four way brawl right from the start. Chavo and Benjamin are legal, and Chavo gets in a dropkick. Benjamin quickly goes after the left leg of Chavo. Tag to Haas, who continues the assault on the leg. Haas gets an elevated crab on Chavo, but Chavo reaches the ropes. Tag to Benjamin. Benjamin continues to work over the left leg. Haas tagged in. Turnbuckle smash. Shoulderblocks. Drop toehold, and into the Haas of Pain. Eddy Guerrero runs in to make the save. Benjamin comes in and gets taken down with a satellite headscissors, and there's the hot tag to Eddy. Eddy monkey flips Benjamin into Haas. Rana for Haas, but Eddy runs into a powerslam. Chavo gets a tornado DDT to Benjamin, but Haas takes him down with a German suplex. Haas dumps Eddy to the floor. Chavo bulldogs Haas and works over Benjamin as Eddy frog splashes Haas for the pin at 3:56. Way too short, but energetic as hell. ** Postmatch, Benjamin attacks Eddy and sends him out to the floor, and that enables Haas and Benjamin to try to take out Chavo's leg. Benjamin uses a chair to hammerlock Chavo's leg as Haas keeps Eddy from running in for the save. Eddy eventually grabs a chair to back the heels off. Chavo asks Eddy "Where were you?" Then he shoves him, yelling "Leave me alone!"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And now we're just about at the breaking point for Chavo Guerrero's turn. This time there was no way Eddy could have possibly made the save sooner, but Chavo didn't realize that and figured Eddy was simply leaving him for the wolves. They need to pull the trigger soon if they're going to go through with it though, as this is just about at Steiner Brothers 1998 levels where everyone will think "This is the one where Chavo HAS to turn". Great psychology though, with the WGTT trying to take out Chavo's leg as revenge for two months ago.
Segment 9
Boise, Idaho welcomes Ernest Miller and awards him the key to the city. He gives the suits some dancing lessons. If there's a point to this, it escapes me.
Michael Coleslaw dances, but Tazz calls him an idiot. The Cat debuts in Boise next week.
Moments ago, Los Guerreros got the win, but Chavo got his leg worked on, causing an argument with Eddy. Back live, Eddy asks the trainers to help Chavo, who says something's not right. After all, last week, he fell for the fake cop's story. That makes two straight weeks that Chavo's been left to fend for himself. Chavo asks for some space, and if he's like my last three girlfriends, that's the end of that relationship. Chavo asks for pain killers, which the trainer denies, so Chavo goes "So you want to play doctor, but you're not a doctor. Are you trying to abandon me too?"
Vince gives Big Show a pep talk like only he can. He doesn't want to ever see John Cena again after tonight. Can anybody be a face on this show without being against Vince McMahon?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
This could be interesting. Just a few weeks after Chavo went to Eddy with that "Who was there when you had your problem with drugs and alcohol" speech, he's literally asking for pain killers. Could Chavo end up getting "hooked" on drugs and alcohol to build the rift between himself and Eddy? I'd rather they not go there since Eddy's problem was completely legit, but it could lead to some interesting twists and turns along the way.
Segment 10
Torrie Wilson's entrance from SmackDown: Here Comes the Pain airs. I'll let another recapper comment on that one so I'm not copying his schtick, but he'd be right.
Non-Title Match scheduled for one fall: The Too Damn Big Show (US Champion) vs. John Cena
Cena will be on the cover of the first SmackDown magazine, due out this Tuesday. Yikes. Show charges, but Cena's all "You can't see me". The bell rings with Show chasing Cena. Cena runs in and gets in a baseball slide. Cena begins pounding at Show and misses a flying shoulderblock. Show with a clothesline. Slap to the chest. Kick to the ribs. Headbutt. Forearm to the back. Face grab. Show stands on Cena's back. Inverted Rocker dropper for 2. Um...I think this move was supposed to be a power bomb, but Show dropped Cena sooner than that. Beell. Forearm to the back. Boot choke. Slap to the chest. And standing on the bottom rope to drive it into Cena's chest. Cena finally drops Show's throat over the top rope. Standing dropkick. Whip, reversal, Show misses a boot and is dangling over the top rope. Throwback for 2. Cena grabs a chair. Brian Hebner grabs the chair, so he delivers a low blow instead. Cena gets caught, and Show starts pounding at Cena. Show shoves the referee, enabling Cena to use the chain. Going for the FU, but Cena collapses under Show's weight. Ouch! Show dumps Cena to the outside, and Show follows. Show's setting up the announce table. Show tosses Cena into the ringpost (you can literally hear the impact), and Show is in and out to break the count. Show sends Cena into the ring, but stops and grabs the ringsteps. He tosses them, but Cena ducks out of the way. Cena ducks a boot, and that knocks Hebner down and out of the ring. Side slam by Show. Cena dropkicks Show's knee as Show grabs the steps, and Show falls face first into the open end of those steps. Cena rams the steps into Show's face and covers. Nick Patrick runs out to make the count at 9:25. Rather overbooked for what it was, but not actively bad or anything. *1/2
END OF SHOW
Cena now has two wins over The Big Show (this time using Show's mistakes to gain the advantage needed to win) and now should be firmly in line for a shot at the US Title. We know Vince McMahon is against Cena, so the odds are bound to be in Show's favor for the eventual title match. But now the fans have to ask if Show can even beat Cena at this point, since he's been unable to at this point. And was there a point to setting up the announce table? I don't remember Show actually trying to use it for any reason.
Overall, another decent show with nothing standing out as good or bad on its own. Some decent storyline developments, but nothing that makes you think "Wow, I can't wait to see how that plays out." So allow me to say something that I never I'd say when I made the jump from Raw to SmackDown: Raw is becoming the better overall show despite having inferior talent.
Of course, if they'd go back to making this the wrestling show instead of a carbon copy of Raw, maybe I wouldn't get the nagging feeling that I just saw this a few days ago.
Send feedback, read the archives (which for some inexplicable reason still list me as the Raw recapper), and read TSM.
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