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TNA
Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/1/2004
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Mar 2, 2004, 10:14
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (3/1/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Yes, it's late, but I had to work until 9:30 and therefore had to do this through the magic of videotape. And it'll probably be that way until The Dames gets back.
And because we're running late already, let's get right to it.
Tonight: Mick Foley returns to Raw after one of the lamest beatdowns in the history of sports entertainment, and rumors are he'll be bringing a friend (and if you find his "friend" a surprise, then you obviously haven't been reading your USA Today). Plus, Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels team up to face Batista and Randy Orton while Triple H gets to laugh at his WrestleMania opponents pretending to like each other and stuff. This is Raw...AND YOU WON'T LIKE IT!
Segment 1
Last week, Vince McMahon made about three matches for WrestleMania before Brock Lesnar took Steve Austin down with an F5.
L-I-V-E live from the Arena at Gwinnett in Hotlanta! Good Ol' Jr and The King will bring you all the action, but right now, La Resistance is in the ring protesting that they didn't really lose to Rob Van Dam and Booker T since the illegal man was pinned.
Cue the opening...but cut it short because Sheriff Austin is in town! Austin with a stunner for one while the other wisely runs for his life, and Austin destroys their signs. Last week, Brock Lesnar not only broke the law, he pissed Austin off. But Austin will have a chance to address his anger management issues with both Brock Lesnar and Bill Goldberg, who speared Austin three weeks ago. Austin will call it right down the middle, BUT...and this is a big "but"...Austin will open up a can of whoopass should they get in Austin's face. Austin tries to give us a rarity -- a short opening promo -- but out comes Mr. McAsshole to screw that one up. According to Vince, "The bottom line is you're a lousy referee". "Asshole" chant as Vince claims that his match last week with Eric Bischoff was really a handicap match. Vince has unfinished business with Austin and Bischoff, and he smiled when Lesnar F5d Austin. And he implies that Bischoff was responsible for it. But because Austin's such a bad referee, maybe Brock and Goldberg will just double team Austin at WrestleMania. So Austin should just leave the ring (another "asshole" chant) and drive his dune buggy out of Atlanta. Austin goes into the specs for his dune buggy and that it'll drag anything in the woods along with it, and if he was Vince, he'd start running now. And he drives after McMahon.
Michaels and Benoit vs. Orton and Batista tonight, and Mick Foley returns!
Austin's caught up with Vince backstage, and Vince is begging Austin to stop...and he apologizes and grovels. He then goes into his limo and tells the driver to run over Austin, but Austin drives on top of the limo and pins Vince inside. Austin drives off, and Vince actually drives the limo himself and leaves...and Austin drives after him.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Austin's part of the segment was perfectly acceptable, as it builds drama for the Brock Lesnar-Bill Goldberg match at WrestleMania. Austin is going to be a factor in that match somehow, but how exactly will he affect the outcome? No problem. Even Vince's part was fairly acceptable, if only because he raised the question of how Brock could have been allowed in the building without security rushing him. But what the hell was the point of Austin chasing Vince around on the dune buggy? Hey guys, 1998 called, and even they're sick of that bit.
Segment 2
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: Victoria (WWE Women's Champion) and Lita vs. Jazz (w/Theodore Long) and Good Golly Miss Molly Holly
And to think just a week ago these four were all fighting amongst themselves, with Victoria winning the Women's Title. Molly's trying so hard to get at Victoria that she shoves Jazz to the mat. Victoria rolls Molly up for 2 at the bell, and Long leads an angry Jazz back to the locker room. Victoria counters a suplex with a small package for the pin after 35 seconds, and an angry Molly attacks Victoria after the bell and beats on her on the floor. 1/4* Molly tries to pull her hair out from the roots, and referees try to keep the two women separated and can't.
Three weeks ago, Chris Benoit was superkicked by Shawn Michaels so Michaels could sign the WrestleMania contract. Last week, Michaels saved Benoit from a beatdown by Evolution but got a Crippler Crossface for his trouble. And tonight, they're partners.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I'm starting to feel real sorry for Molly, as that's about two minutes of wrestling for her in the last two weeks. But in reality, things have kind of gone full circle. Originally it was Victoria who was crazy in her chase for Molly's title, and now the roles have been reversed, and Molly is apparently going crazy now that she's no longer the champion. That's actually good stuff if they pick up on it (and if it was intentional). Now can we get some good matches out of it?
Segment 3
WrestleMania XX in 13 days.
Coach catches up to the Holy Bible Kid and asks if he can coexist with Chris Benoit. They're facing half of the most dominant union in wrestling today and have to coexist, but he doesn't think it will happen.
Eric Bischoff meets Tough Enough III co-winner John Hennigan, and Hennigan wants to join Raw as "Johnny Blaze". Oh, and he loved Bischoff's match with Vince last week because he was kicking Vince's ass. And Eric is an idol to him. Bischoff thinks he needs an apprentice, so they have a deal, and in comes Austin. Bischoff immediately says he wouldn't have stayed in the building if he was behind Brock Lesnar getting in the building, and in comes Molly Holly. She claims she should still be Women's Champion as the longest-reigning champion this century. And she'll do anything for a rematch with Victoria at WrestleMania. Anything? Austin says if she really wants to do anything for the shot, and since she was pulling Victoria's hair out, why not make it title vs. hair? Molly balks because she doesn't want to walk around "like some bald freak", but of course Austin's bald, so that's a no-no. Molly reluctantly agrees to the match. Johnny Blaze introduces himself to Austin, but Austin just walks off.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Hey, we actually get some real women wrestlers at WrestleMania to counteract the evening gown match! Now they broke the unwritten rule about only having one women's match on any one show, but beggars can't be choosers, I guess. I still say Victoria's title win would have been better served at WrestleMania, and I can't see there being any way Molly loses her hair unless they're trying to completely bury her, but the match could be fantastic if given any time at all.
Segment 4
Mick Foley returns tonight!
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall to determine who will advance to WrestleMania XX's Fatal Four Way World Tag Team Title Match: The Hurricane and Rosey vs. Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade
Cade and Hurricane start. Cade with a hair pull and a wristlock. Hurricane locks in an armbar. Into the corner, and Cade with a knee to the midsection. Hurricane with a drop toehold and a magistral cradle for 2. Tag to Rosey, who focuses on Cade's left arm. Tag to Hurricane, who hits a flying axhandle to the arm. Cade is finally able to tag in Jindrak. A side slam is countered by Hurricane's flying headscissors. Hurricane goes for a backslide, but Cade comes in and gives Hurricane a backbreaker, enabling Jindrak to cover for 2. The heels begin making frequent tags, focusing on Hurricane's back. Cade with a bodyslam for 2. Tag to Jindrak, who stomps away at Hurricane. Cade back in. The three people who aren't asleep begin chanting "boring" as Cade locks in a chinlock. Corner whip, but Hurricane catches Cade coming in with an elbow and makes the cold tag to Rosey. Shoulderblock to Jindrak, Samoan drop to Cade, and a 2 count before Jindrak makes the save. Rosey goes for a Vader bomb, but Jindrak knocks him off the turnbuckle, and Cade covers for the pin at 5:22. If the MSG crowd treats the four way like the Atlanta crowd treated this one, it's gonna be a long match. *
Coach asks Chris BenOIT if he can trust Shawn Michaels. They put their lives in each other's hands, and he has no idea where Michaels stands. "The only person I trust is myself."
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I would make the argument that the wrong team went over here, simply because Hurricane and Rosey garnered some sort of reaction, as minimal as it was, when Cade and Jindrak simply didn't get any type of response. I'm glad they're finding ways to put all these people on the WrestleMania card, but they've got to be real careful about exactly who is getting placed into title matches if they don't want the quietest WrestleMania in sports entertainment history.
Segment 5
Back live, and Bow Wow is in the hizzle fo' shizzle, yo.
Last week, Mick Foley told us he was going to be here tonight to get revenge on Randy Orton.
Rico is in the ring with a microphone, and his entire purpose is to introduce us to Miss Jackie and My Future Wife. These two are hot. They're so hot, "they even make Rico melt". So Rico's straight this week? Did I ever tell you how much I love women in pink? Rico: "Charlize Theron, move over. Nicole Kidman, take a hike." Oscar quality good looks, sayeth Rico. The lovefest is interrupted by Kane, who makes his way to the ring. Rico charges but is knocked down by one forearm, and he's stalking the ladies as the crowd actually chants "Rico". Rico tries to save the ladies but is taken down with a choke slam. At least my Stacy's out of the ring. Kane now has the mic, and he knows the fans are expecting a rebirth at WrestleMania. But Kane is planning a persecution of Biblical proportions. That might be a poor choice of words with the controversy generated by "Passion of the Christ". Cue the gong and the blue lights, and even some chanting as the Undertaker's symbol comes rising from the stage, engulfed in flames. But where are the Druids?
Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit vs. Batista and Randy Orton. It's next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Yeah, I think that was probably a bad idea. Not because it's actually offensive, because it's nothing that we've never seen before, but with so much publicity around that damn movie right now, it's really not going to take too much for there to be some really bad press from it. However, it does make perfect sense for the storyline of the match, so no complaints from me.
Segment 6
Log on to wwe.com and find out who the Hall of Fame Inductees are.
Coach asks Benoit and Michaels what their chances are tonight. Benoit says they're unstoppable as a team, but if Michaels keeps superkicking him all the time...and Michaels is already beginning to start the argument. There's the staredown.
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: The Holy Bible Kid and Chris BenOIT vs. Batista and Randy Orton (WWE Intercontinental Champion)
Batista and Benoit start. Batista with knees to the midsection in the early going. Corner whip, but Batista runs into a boot. Benoit runs into an elbow, and Batista runs into a drop toehold and hits the turnbuckle. HBK in with a series of chops, and he sends Batista crotch-first into the ringpost. More chops. Batista reverses a whip and kicks Shawn in the midsection, but a series of punches helps HBK avoid the power bomb. Batista reverses a corner whip, and Michaels hits the corner upside down. Orton tags in to some resounding boos, and he gets a near fall after a standing dropkick. Tag to Batista. Turnbuckle smash, and a corner whip gets 2. Tag to Orton, who snap mares Michaels and rakes the eyes with his boots. Chinlock. Tag to Batista. Short clothesline for 2, with Benoit making the save. Batista with a series of shoulderblocks. Boot choke. Tag to Orton. Orton and HBK trade blows, and Orton tags Batista and drop toeholds HBK to prevent the hot tag. Choke lift, but Michaels counters with a DDT. Hot tag to Benoit, but Batista catches him. Benoit with a dragon screw, but Batista avoids the sharpshooter. Benoit with the rolling Germans and the Crippler Crossface. Orton levels Michaels, who falls into Benoit, and Benoit only knows that HBK hit him and starts yelling at him. Michaels clotheslines Benoit, Orton clears the ring of Michaels, and all four men are down.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
See, right there they were in a pretty damn good going home groove, but they decided to extend the match into a second segment. The match is fine so far, but we're bordering on overkill with the HBK-Benoit dissention.
Segment 7
Back live, and Benoit's caught in Orton's double wristlock. Short clothesline by Orton. Bodyscissors with a reverse chinlock, and Jim Ross busts out the Joe Stecher reference for the six of us who get it. Benoit breaks the hold, but Batista runs in and levels him. Series of mounted punches by Batista, and Orton is back in. Two legdrops for a near fall. Batista tagged in. Whip, shoulderblock. Orton in, and he locks in a chinlock. "Chris Benoit" chant. Orton goes into the eye gouge before reapplying the chinlock and shouting "You son of a bitch, give up!" Batista tagged in, and he locks in a half Boston crab. Batista releases and uses some knees and forearms. Benoit finally gets in some offense and takes Batista down with an enzuigiri. Tag to Orton, and Benoit ducks a clothesline and takes Orton down with a back suplex. Benoit rolls to the corner, but HBK doesn't reach for the tag until the last possible moment, and in comes HBK. Michaels keeps both men off-balance. Bodyslam to Orton, then up top with a flying elbowdrop. Michaels tunes up the band...but a Batista clothesline prevents the superplex. Benoit in to German suplex Orton, and he's up top. Batista goes for the stop and HBK stops him, but he hits the top rope and crotches Benoit accidentally. Michaels covers Orton, but Benoit take Orton and HBK out with a diving headbutt. Michaels and Benoit begin fighting each other, and Orton is able to roll Michaels up for the pin at 18:54. **3/4 Benoit locks Michaels in the Crippler Crossface, and out comes Hungry Hungry Hippos to go after Benoit, followed by The Man WHOO! to make it 4-on-2 against Triple H's WrestleMania opponents. Pedigree to Benoit, then one to Michaels as the crowd begs for the Foley run-in.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
See what I mean about the dissention bordering on overkill? While it does fit into the story they're trying to tell leading to the WrestleMania triple threat match, it was at the point where I started begging for them to actually get on with it. And when the dissention finally costs them the match, it quickly becomes meaningless as they both get beaten down by Evolution. Don't get me wrong, I liked the storytelling, but I felt like they were still trying to explain it to me when I didn't need any explanation.
Segment 8
Moments ago, Benoit's apparently errant headbutt led to the argument, loss, and beatdown.
Evolution has been watching the replays, and Triple H is confident that the title isn't changing hands at WrestleMania...and they watch a live shot of Mick F'N Foley entering the arena. Orton: "It's like it's time for Mick Foley's Weekly Beatdown or something."
They've got the ring set up for the Highlight Reel, but it's not Chris Jericho hosting, but rather it's Christian. Remember Christian clotheslining Trish Stratus last week before putting on the Walls of Jericho? The Highlight Reel is preempted tonight for the return of the Peep Show. Beating on Trish was rough last week, and it was rough when they were at the hotel and Trish was screaming with pleasure. Anyway, Christian did that for Jericho. Trish ruined Jericho's life and their friendship, so he took matters into his own hands. "It's called Tough Love, Chris." And Bischoff has officially signed Christian vs. Jericho for WrestleMania. Christian will knock some sense into Jericho, "and you will never...EEEEEEVER...be the same again." Y2J+4 is in the building contrary to popular belief, and his knee's apparently close to 100%, as he charges the ring and attacks his former best friend. One kick to the bad knee buys Christian enough time to turn tail and run, and an angry Jericho tosses a chair in his direction.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And that makes the long-rumored match official, and it could wind up being the sleeper of the entire WrestleMania card. This is a storyline that has been built logically for the most part, and as long as the match on March 14 remains Christian vs. Jericho with Trish only being a minor part of it, the blowoff could be one hell of a contest. Does Christian use enough moves to the knee to focus on it during that match?
Segment 9
Earlier tonight, Steve Austin could have probably gotten arrested for attempted vehicular homicide had there been a cop within earshot.
WrestleMania is 13 days away! Benoit vs. Michaels vs. Triple H! Jericho vs. Christian! Molly's hair vs. Victoria's title! RVD and Booker T vs. La Resistance vs. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. the winner of Sunday's Dudley Boyz-Val Venis/Lance Storm match! Kurt Angle vs. Eddy Guerrero! John Cena vs. The Big Show! The Cruiserweight Open! The Playboy Evening Gown Match! The Undertaker vs. Kane! Brock Lesnar vs. Bill Goldberg with Stone Cold as the special referee!
Austin's dune buggy is being taken away from the building.
Triple H tells the rest of Evolution to give Mick Foley a beating he won't remember. Orton does have an idea for Foley that might allow him to go off without injury, and Triple H decides to leave so he can get the "talent" ready. Strippers for everybody!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
If I'm not missing anything, that's ten matches currently on the WrestleMania card, with the Intercontinental and SmackDown Tag Team Champions still not represented. I'd expect Intercontinental Champion Orton to officially have a match before the end of the night, as whatever they have planned with Orton and Foley should set up something for the big show. As far as this segment goes, I just want to know why I'm supposed to give a damn about Austin's ATV or whatever it is being taken from the building. Whoever did that should get freaking babyface pops for it.
Segment 10
WrestleMania Recall: Shane McMahon defeats Vince McMahon at WrestleMania X-Seven in what was technically the first WCW vs. WWF match.
Non-Title Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall: Rob.........Van.........Dam and Booker T (World Tag Team Champions) vs. Test and Matt Hardy v.1.0
Matt Facts: "Matt paid cash for his house" and "Matt has more money than you". I work at Circuit City though, so that's kind of a given. Booker and Hardy start. Booker with a hammerlock, and Hardy breaks with an elbow. Elbow by Booker T. Tag to RVD, and some good double teaming leads to RVD covering Hardy for 2. Corkscrew legdrop for 2. Test trips RVD as he hits the ropes, and RVD goes after him on the floor...and Hardy with a baseball slide. Then Test introduces RVD to the ringpost. Back into the ring. Test tags in and locks RVD into a bearhug. Test mocks RVD and goes for a power bomb, but RVD counters into a sunset flip for 2. Hardy tags in and bodyslams RVD for 2. RVD blocks a kick and hits a stepover spin kick. Tag to Test, hot tag to Booker T, and Booker with a clothesline. Hardy in illegally, and he's met with a spinebuster. Book End to Test, and Hardy makes the save at 2. Hardy to the floor, and RVD out after him via a plancha. Test avoids a Scissor Kick, Booker counters a pumphandle slam into a leg lariat, and SPINNAROONIE, TONY! Test misses the big boot and knocks Hardy off the ring apron, then it's Booker with a Scissor Kick, RVD with the Five Star Frog Splash, and Booker covering for the pin at 5:07. *1/2
Mick Foley is at the gorilla position taping his hands.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
JR said that the RVD/Booker T team is getting better and better, and while that might be the case, their opponent's aren't. I mean, your champions are essentially a makeshift tag team as it is, and then you throw them in there with another makeshift team. Hey, I'm glad to see that Hardy got some TV time, but teaming with Test? Are they really so far out of ideas that they team him with Test?
Segment 11
Sunday night on Heat, The Dudley Boyz vs. Val Venis and Lance Storm for the last spot in the Fatal Four Way at WrestleMania.
And out comes Mick Foley, who is certainly no stranger to Atlanta. A huge "Foley" chant before he can ever say anything. Last week, he said he was going to be in Atlanta, and here he is. He doesn't get much further before Evolution (minus Triple H) hit the ring. Orton knows the interview last week was meant to scare them. And it was very powerful. But now that everybody's here (and we get a mix of a "Rocky" and "Foley" chant), "how do you want to handle this?" I mean, Foley can't want another beatdown, and Orton's hand can't take it, so there is another option. Orton vs. Foley. Legend Killer vs. Legend. WrestleMania XX. Foley says it sounds good on paper, but reality says it will never be one-on-one. Foley threatens to knock Flair out, then says he's tired of hospitals, stretchers, and ambulances. So Foley makes a counter offer. Batista, Orton, and Flair vs. Foley and a partner of his choice. Well, Orton's heard the rumors, and so have these people, so go ahead and call Mr. Hollywood. And while you're on the phone with him, tell "Mr. Walking Tall" that he won't be able to walk after WrestleMania. Foley says he'll call his partner, but wait...he has a better idea. Instead of telling him on the phone, why not tell him to his face? Cue the music, and it's Mr. Walking Tall himself hitting the ring, and we have a five man brawl in the ring. Foley gets Orton alone and knocks him down with a forearm, then he hits the Socko Claw. Rocky in with a spinebuster, followed by the People's Elbow, and listen to that crowd! Rocky grabs the mic and asks Evolution not to leave. Their days of beating on Mick Foley are over. Because this isn't just a 3-on-2 match. It's the most electrifying matchup of all-time against The Rock 'n' Sock Connection. It's the "ass kicking of a lifetime".
END OF SHOW
Well, thank God for this segment, as it finally gave the crowd something to pop for, and it set up an eleventh match for WrestleMania XX. I still think they should have just done the Foley-Orton singles match and put Orton over (and maybe ban Evolution from ringside), but the explanation is certainly feasible...Foley knows it won't be 1-on-1, so he brought backup. Now if Rocky was actually going to be sticking around for a while this time, I'd be excited for this show because we'd be guaranteed a couple of awesome segments every week.
Overall though, this was not good. The wrestling was average at best (what there actually was of it), and I don't get why some of these people are getting airtime. What is Vince McMahon still doing on TV when his presence is no longer required for the WrestleMania buildup? Why give Evolution five segments and only have Triple H on the screen for like two minutes? Not that I'm complaining about Triple H not being on TV, but the World Champion should probably get more TV time than a few guys who are working what can best be called a special attraction. Add that to the fact that aside from the long tag team match and the final segment, this show just seemed to be thrown together around the "important", and it seemed disjointed.
But hey, there's still next week to get it right. Right?
Well, we've also got SmackDown before that, so join me Thursday won't you? And before joining me Thursday, try sending me feedback or checking the soon-to-be-updated archives.
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